Zero Control

3

HER BODY’S INVOLUNTARY reaction to the bothersome Mr. Lockhart worried Roxie more than she cared to admit. Not only that, but she was drawn to him on an emotional level—they had a lot in common. They liked the same music and the same food. And then there was that odd feeling she got whenever he touched her, as if she’d come home after a long journey.

Ever since he’d come back from the cockpit, she felt encased in a protective bubble, as if nothing could harm her as long as he was beside her. The thought was ridiculous, but she couldn’t shake it. He was so tall and strong, so commanding and reassuring.

Some corporate spy you are. Seriously, stop thinking about the dude. Keep your mind in the game or you’re going to get caught.

And if that happened, Mr. Langley would have no choice but to fire her and then who would put Stacy through school? Okay, no more noticing how those pants fit so snugly to his thighs. No more imagining what his chest looked like beneath that puffy-sleeved shirt. No more sliding surreptitious glances.

Her gaze drifted over him. Wow, but he was a muscular guy. Not bodybuilder physique, but hard clean through his core. He didn’t have an ounce of fat on him. His forearms were sinuous. His powerful hands bore the nicks and scars of a man who’d done manual labor. His fingers were long, his nails clean and trimmed.

His compelling profile drew her attention. He possessed firm, no-nonsense features. Sturdy, sharp nose, angular jaw that his beard couldn’t hide, lips shaped like a crossbow.

He turned and caught her studying him. His dark brown eyes, intense as an eagle’s, drilled right through her. His gaze was proud and commanding, yes, but there was more. She saw compassion beneath the rough edge and a kindness he couldn’t cloak. She didn’t question that he would catch her if she fell; he already had.

“How does a guy like you stay single?” she asked.

Good lord, why had she said that? She couldn’t have anything to do with him. He worked for Eros. She was a spy for Getaway. Not an auspicious way to start a relationship.

You’re not starting a relationship. Stop thinking like that!

He arched an eyebrow and the corners of his mouth tipped up. “Pardon?”

Great, now she was going to have to repeat the question. “How come a guy like you is still single?”

Shut up! What was wrong with her? Someone should put a ball gag in her mouth.

The eyebrow shot up higher. “A guy like me?”

She could hear the chuckle in his question. “You know. Good-looking, big, strong, all protector-y?”

“Protector-y?” Amusement lit his eyes.

“I’m just saying you don’t look like your typical tour guide.”

“No?”

“Not so much.”

“What do I look like?”

“A cop or a soldier or a fireman. Something rugged and tough.”

“What about a mercenary?”

The way he said mercenary lifted the hairs on her forearm. “Are you a mercenary?”

“Aren’t we all?” His eyes darkened and all traces of humor left his face. “In one way or another?”

Panic squeezed her lungs, snuffing out her breath. Anxiously her hand stole to her chest and she pressed her palm against her heart. Did he somehow suspect what she was up to?

Don’t freak out. There’s no way he can know what you’re doing.

No, but if she didn’t stop overreacting she was going to give herself away. “Have you ever been married?” she asked, trying to appear supercool even as she felt sweat trickle down the back of her bra.

“No.”

“Ever been engaged?”

“Almost. Twice.”

“What happened?”

He shrugged. “The first time we were too young, kids fresh out of high school. Luckily we both came to our senses before it was too late. The second time…”

“The second time?” she prodded. Why didn’t she just pluck that romance novel out of her purse and start reading and pretend he didn’t exist?

Why? Because ignoring him would be like ignoring the sun in the Sahara. He was that dominant, that powerful. And yet she couldn’t help feeling he hid a vulnerable side. Had he lost someone important to him? She thought of her parents and bit down on her bottom lip.

“Let’s just say that I was blindsided.”

“Oh.” So his ex-fiancée had cheated on him? Who would betray a guy like this? If he was her man—

Don’t even go there.

But how could any woman cheat on him? In spite of the theatrical costume he wore, Dougal Lockhart was, in every sense of the word, masculine.

“Have you ever been engaged?” he asked.

“Me?” She shook her head. “No, no.”

“You say that like the idea is preposterous.”

She almost opened her mouth and told him about her parents and Stacy, but then she bit down on her tongue. She was supposed to be a spy. Spies were quiet and unobtrusive. They didn’t blather. They got other people to talk. She shrugged.

“Not the marrying kind?” he supplied.

“Something like that.”

He unbuckled his seat belt. “I’ve enjoyed talking to you, Roxie, but now that we’re airborne and the flight has evened out, I need to schmooze with the other guests. A tour guide’s work is never done.”

“Oh yeah, right, sure.” Dolt, you’ve made him uncomfortable.

He got out of his seat, walked back to talk to the other passengers. Instantly the sound of flirtatious laughter drifted to Roxie’s ears. Who was he talking to?

Don’t do it, don’t look over your shoulder.

She turned to peek over the back of her seat. Dougal was leaning down, talking to two gorgeous young women a few seats behind her. He was speaking in an old English accent that should have sounded dorky, but in his deep baritone it came off sexy as sin and had Roxie wishing she’d been born in sixteenth-century England.

One of the women wore a low-cut blouse, and she was doing all she could to make sure he got a good view of her ample cleavage. The other woman was gazing at his crotch and practically drooling. These women weren’t subtle. They were making it perfectly clear what they were after.

Roxie gritted her teeth.

You’re jealous….

She wasn’t. She was embarrassed by the flagrant way the women were throwing themselves at him. She was peeved that he seemed to be having more fun talking to them than he’d had talking to her. She was…she was…

Oh hell, she was jealous.

Why him? Why now?

It was, she decided, Eros Airlines that had pumped her up. From the buttery leather seats cushioning her fanny, to the free alcohol the flight attendants started distributing throughout the cabin, to the way Eros provocatively dressed their tour guides. She thought of the brochure in her purse, recalled the opening blurb: Eros: where all your fantasies come true.

The fantasy had taken hold and made her long to behave in ways she would never behave back at home. Eros had woven a spell over her, and Roxie hadn’t even been aware of the spinning. Until now. Until she tried to dissect why she was feeling the way she was—lusty, jealous, greedy and intrigued.

Make notes. You need to get this down.

She reached for her purse for a pen and paper, but stopped herself. What if Dougal came back and caught her making notes? She glanced over her shoulder again. He’d moved on down the aisle, leaving twittering females in his wake. Roxie rolled her eyes.

Jealous.

Okay, so she wanted him all for herself. She wanted to kiss those commanding lips, wanted to slide her arms around that honed waist, wanted…oh, the things she wanted.

Maybe it was more than just Eros’s effective marketing campaign. Maybe part of this sudden and intense desire was due to the fact she’d put her personal life on hold for the past ten years while she raised her sister. Now that Stacy was in college, Roxie finally had the opportunity to explore her sexuality.

She’d had a couple of lovers, but both relationships had ended because she wouldn’t put the men above what was best for her sister. After the last relationship went sour, she’d made a promise to herself that she’d avoid romantic entanglements until Stacy was grown. Now Stacy was a college freshman, and Roxie was free to pursue a romance.

This wouldn’t be a romance. This would be all about having a good time. Great sex and nothing more.

The thought of it made Roxie’s ears burn. She’d never had casual sex and she had no idea how to handle something like that.

She couldn’t.

She wouldn’t.

Could she?

ROXIE SPENT THE REMAINDER of the flight with her nose buried in her book, doing her best to ignore Dougal’s presence beside her.

They landed at Gatwick Airport around six in the evening. The minute Roxie stepped onto British soil, a fresh surge of excitement pulsed through her. Even though she worked for an airline, she’d never traveled overseas. For one thing, she hadn’t wanted to be away from Stacy that long. For another there was the money issue. Although she got free flights, lodging, transfers and food didn’t come cheap. Every extra bit of cash she got she stashed aside for Stacy’s college tuition.

While the group waited for their luggage to be unloaded, Roxie checked her watch and subtracted the time difference. Perfect timing to call. Back at home, her sister would be in between classes, headed for lunch.

“So,” Stacy answered, “how’s London?”

“Right now we’re at the airport. Looks pretty much like any other airport.”

“Meet any cute guys yet?”

“I just got off the plane.”

“Planes have been known to harbor cute guys.”

“Uh-huh,” Roxie said, distracted by the sight of Dougal bending over to help an older woman with a ginormous, red plaid, attack-of-the-tartans-style suitcase. The man’s butt looked absolutely ferocious in leather. Absentmindedly, Roxie traced the tip of her tongue over her lips.

“Rox? You still there?”

She blinked. “Um…yeah, sure still here.”

“You didn’t say anything for a couple of seconds. I thought I lost you.”

Resolutely she turned her back on Dougal. “Nope, you didn’t lose me. I’m here. Rock solid.”

“Rock-solid Roxie,” Stacy echoed. “So you never did answer my question. Meet any cute guys yet?”

“I’m not here to meet guys, I—” Roxie broke off. She hadn’t told her sister the real reason she was in England. She’d let her believe she was taking a vacation. Guilt nibbled at her. “I’m here for adventure.”

“Guys qualify as adventures.”

Roxie made a dismissive noise.

“Come on,” Stacy wheedled, “when was the last time you had a date?”

“I went out with Jimmy last week.”

“Listen to yourself. Jimmy is sixty-five, our second cousin, and he took you to play bingo just because he thought you needed to get out of the house. That is not a date.”

“I shaved my legs for it.”

“Doesn’t make it a date.”

“You know I decided to put my dating life on hold since things with Marcus didn’t work out.”

“Um…” Stacy made a disapproving sound. “I was a freshman in high school when you were going out with Marcus.”

“Okay, so I haven’t had much of a love life lately, I—”

“You’ve never had much of a love life,” her sister corrected. “I’ve dated more guys than you and I won’t turn nineteen for another three months.”

“How’s school?” Roxie tried changing the subject.

“Same as it was yesterday. You’ve only been gone for a day, Rox. Chill out. Have some fun. Find a guy. Get laid, for heaven’s sake.”

“Stacy!”

“Don’t act so scandalized. You’re young, you’re hot, and you deserve to have all kinds of adventures. I thought that was the reason you picked Eros. I mean, come on, why else would a single woman sign up for an erotic fantasy vacation if she wasn’t interested in indulging her erotic fantasies?”

Why indeed? She couldn’t cop to being a corporate spy, so she was left with admitting that she was here for romance.

“That’s why I was so happy when you told me you’d booked yourself on the Romance of Britannia tour. I thought, at last, Roxie is going to get some sex.”

It felt weird having this conversation with her sister. In many ways they were more like mother and daughter than siblings. Not only was Roxie ten years her senior, she was also a lot more conservative in her outlook. Where Roxie treasured a quiet evening at home with a bowl of popcorn and a romantic comedy on DVD, her sister was the life of the party who collected friends the way some people collected shoes.

“Let’s say I’m second-guessing my reasons for being here. I worry about you being home alone.” That was true enough.

Stacy sighed.

“What?” An airplane took off, the noise halting their conversation for a minute. “What is it?”

“It’s time you stopped using me as an excuse for putting your life on hold. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, Roxie, you know that, but I can’t keep being the thing that’s holding you back. I feel guilty and—”

“Don’t ever feel guilty,” Roxie said fiercely. “Raising you has been the joy of my life.”

“I’m not saying this to hurt your feelings, but you need a new joy in your life. I’m grown. I have my own friends, my own interests.”

The stabbing sensation deep within her heart hit Roxie. She knew everything her sister said was true, and yet, she couldn’t let go of the identity she’d taken on when their parents had been killed. Empty-nest syndrome was a bitch.

“I want you to make me a promise,” Stacy said.

“What is it?”

“You have to promise first.”

“I can’t promise until I know what it is I’m promising to do.” Roxie hardened her chin. Around her everyone was picking up their luggage and heading toward the terminal, but she barely noticed.

“Promise me if an opportunity for a vacation fling comes up, you’ll grab it with both hands.”

“Stace…”

“I mean it. Promise me.”

“Okay, all right, on the off chance that an opportunity for mad monkey sex with a handsome stranger presents itself, I promise I’ll swing through the jungle.”

Stacy laughed. “You don’t have to do anything that kinky, sis. Just relax and let yourself have a good time. Go with the flow. You deserve it. For ten years you’ve been the ultragood girl. It’s okay to be a little bit bad once in a while.”

“How did you get so wise?”

“I had a great teacher.”

A soft, mushy sensation replaced the lost, lonely feeling in her heart. She was so proud of her baby sister. A hand settled on her shoulder. A firm, masculine hand.

“Roxie.” Dougal’s voice was in her ear, her name on his tongue and his scent in her nostrils.

“Who was that?” Stacy asked.

“Huh?” She played dumb.

“You’re the last one left,” Dougal said.

Roxie looked over at him.

He held her luggage in one hand, pointed at the tour bus waiting beyond the chain-link fence surrounding the terminal gate. “We have to go.”

“It’s a guy. I definitely heard a guy’s voice calling your name. You sly woman, you’ve already met someone!”

“Listen, Stacy, I have to let you go, the tour bus is getting ready to leave and—”

“Go, Roxie, get your groove on.” Stacy chanted in a silly singsong voice. “Go, Roxie, get—”

“Goodbye, little sister. Don’t forget to study while I’m gone.”

“You do some studying of your own. My assignment to you—get up close and personal with physical anatomy. I’m rooting for you to get lucky with your new boyfriend.”

“I’m not getting lucky and he’s not my boyfriend.”

Stacy made clucking noises. “Chicken.”

“I’ll call you later.” Roxie closed her cell phone to find Dougal studying her intently. Had he overhead her conversation with Stacy?

“Let’s roll.” He held out his arm.

An edgy, warm feeling, thrilling and unwanted, pushed through her. She wasn’t going to have an affair with him just because he was good looking and she hadn’t had sex in years.

“I can walk myself to the bus, thank you very much.” She snatched her suitcase from his hand and scurried toward the bus. She was just about to climb on when Dougal called out to her. “Oh, Roxie.”

What now? She spun on her heels, still feeling hot all over. “What is it?”

“You’re getting on the wrong bus.”

AFTER HE MADE SURE ROXIE got on the right bus, Dougal spoke quickly to the Eros mechanics and told them to scour the plane for problems before letting it take to the air again. Then he placed a call to Taylor, but her cell phone went to voice mail, so he left her a message.

“Taylor, Dougal,” he said. “There was a glitch with the autopilot on the plane. I put your mechanics on it. Nick Peters thinks it’s nothing, but I…” He paused, looked toward the waiting bus, saw Roxie in profile at a window seat near the back. In all honesty could he really say he suspected the autopilot had been tampered with? It seemed like a simple problem. If someone was making good on their threats, they’d done a lousy job of it. “I think we should wait to hear from the maintenance crew before we make any snap judgments. I’ll call you later.”

He closed his cell phone and slipped it into his pocket just as Roxie’s eyes met his. Her gaze was steady, but he saw a flicker of something inside those cool depths.

What was it and why couldn’t he shake the feeling she was up to something? She was the most unlikely of suspects.

She smiled at him then, tentative and sweet, and gave him a quick wave. And damn if he couldn’t help smiling and waving back. He got a soft, achy sensation in the pit of his stomach.

Aw hell, this feeling wasn’t good. Not good at all.

THE TOUR BUS TOOK THEM to the Eros resort just outside Stratford-upon-Avon. Stubborn gray clouds hung in the sky, and even inside the bus the air smelled of impending rain and city soot. The driver wore rain boots and had a black umbrella stashed under the dashboard. Dougal sat up front behind the driver and narrated the sights as they motored through the crowded streets of downtown London. Outside the window the landscape looked just like in the pictures and movies she’d seen. Imagine. She was here. England.

Roxie found herself sitting across from twin sisters, while the seat beside her remained empty. That was just fine with her. She didn’t need a traveling companion, but then she thought wistfully of Stacy and wished her sister could have joined her on this adventure.

Yeah, drag your sister along while you commit corporate espionage. What fun. Not exactly the actions of a stellar role model.

A fresh stab of conscience had Roxie worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. If Stacy’s entire future didn’t depend on her salary, she’d call off the whole thing.

“Hi,” said the twin sitting on the outside seat. She extended her hand across the aisle to Roxie. “I’m Samantha, but everyone calls me Sam.”

The other twin leaned over her sister to extend her own hand. “And I’m Jessica, but everyone calls me Jess.”

She shook their hands. “Hi, Sam, hi, Jess. I’m Roxie.”

“Nice to meet you, Roxie,” Sam and Jess said in unison.

The twins were gorgeous, their elegant thinness a sharp contrast to Roxie’s rounded curves. They possessed matching noses so perfect Roxie wondered if rhinoplasty was involved, and they had high, dramatic cheekbones enhanced by artful application of blush. They looked as if they’d stepped from the cover of a fashion magazine with their stylish bobbed blond hair and designer jeans. Beside them, she felt frumpy and out of place in her summery yellow sundress.

Sam leaned across the aisle and lowered her voice. “You are so lucky.”

“Lucky?”

“You got to sit next to Shakespeare for the entire flight.” Jess nodded toward Dougal.

Roxie hadn’t felt lucky, she’d felt…what had she felt? Unsettled was the best adjective she could come up with. “I guess there’s an upside to traveling alone. The tour guides take pity on you.”

“So tell us,” Sam breathed. “What’s he like?”

Roxie shrugged. “He’s just a guy.”

Jess’s eyes widened as if she’d said something blasphemous. “Oh, no, he’s not just a guy. Look at the muscles on him. And those aren’t pretty-boy, gym-induced muscles. This guy does something rugged. Rock climbing, I’m guessing.”

They all three turned to look at Dougal. He was busy pointing out Big Ben.

Yes, okay, the guy was gorgeous, but jeez, people. It wasn’t as if they could take him home and handcuff him to their bed or anything.

Although Jess and Sam looked as if they wouldn’t mind giving it a try.

“Skiing,” Sam said. “You got a guess, Roxie? Or do you already know our hunky tour guide’s sport of choice?”

Roxie cocked her head and studied him—the pugilistic set to his shoulders, the broadness of his chest, and she’d already seen the scars on his knuckles. “Boxing?”

“Ooh.” Jess giggled. “Astute observation. I’ll bet you’re right.”

At that moment, Dougal turned his head and stared straight at Roxie. Awareness buzzed through her body. His eyes burned black, hot. Unable to bear the scrutiny, she fumbled his gaze.

“Mmm, mmm.” Jess made a noise of appreciation. “That man is sweet.”

“How come you’re traveling alone?” Jess asked Roxie, after she and her sister were finished ogling Dougal. “Did a friend stand you up?”

Roxie shook her head. “I needed a private getaway.”

“Ah.” Sam nodded. “Busted romance.”

Roxie started to correct her, but then decided to let Sam believe what she wanted to believe. She simply gave her a smile that said, “I’m putting up a brave front.”

“You poor thing,” Jess said. “I went through a breakup six months ago. It’s hard, but you know what? Honestly, it’s the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“It is.” Sam nodded. “After Jess caught her fiancé doing the bedroom rumba with another woman just days before the wedding, she became a lot more assertive, and as a result of her changing attitude she got a big promotion at work.”

“I stopped looking for love and just started having fun,” Jess said. “Freed me up like you wouldn’t believe.”

“I’m envious of the easy way you approach romance.” Roxie shifted her weight, did her best not to look in Dougal’s direction.

“Oh, believe me,” Jess said, “this is not about romance. This is about nothing but hot, hot sex.”

The self-satisfied note in Jess’s voice plucked a twinge of envy inside Roxie. In all honesty, she’d never been overly impressed with sex. Maybe she’d just never done it correctly.