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Jacob appeared at Bonnie’s back, pushing a trolley with the equipment for the epidural. He gave a nod to Kerry. ‘Have you done a check yet?’
Kerry nodded. ‘Yes, we’re good to go. Hayley is five centimetres dilated and the first baby is head down and in a good position.’
Jacob smiled. ‘Perfect.’ He sat next to Hayley to explain the procedure. It only took him a few minutes. ‘Once the catheter is in place it will only take twenty minutes for the full effect. We’ll keep an eye to make sure it doesn’t slow your labour, but I suspect everything will be fine.’ He gave Bonnie a little nod to help position Hayley on her side.
He was an expert. He had the catheter safely slid into place easily and the medication started. Bonnie stayed in the room with Kerry and they monitored Hayley’s contractions.
Things went smoothly. Around two hours later the first little baby delivered easily. Bonnie quickly checked over the baby’s mouth and breathing before setting the naked little baby on his mother’s chest. ‘You have a beautiful boy. Do you have a name yet?’
Hayley’s husband couldn’t wipe the dopey new-dad smile from his face. ‘Dillon. We’re going to call him Dillon.’
Sean came into the room with a smile. ‘Perfect. I’m just in time. I’m Dr Anderson. I’ll check your little man over in a few seconds, folks.’
He spoke with Jacob for a few minutes, checked Dillon over and declared him well with perfect APGARs. He gave them a little nod. ‘I’ll be back again when your next baby arrives. Good luck, guys.’
Kerry stayed with the new baby for another few minutes while Bonnie checked over Hayley again. The labour progressed quickly with the next baby’s head being delivered; however, within a few seconds Bonnie frowned as another contraction hit. She turned rapidly to Jacob, keeping her voice very calm.
‘I think we’ve got a shoulder dystocia.’ Jacob moved over to the bed immediately but Bonnie had things under control. ‘Hayley, your second baby has got a little stuck—their shoulder is stuck behind your pubic bone. Dr Layton and I are going to help you change position to try and get your baby out as soon as possible. I need you to stop pushing for a second until we help you into position.’
Jacob didn’t interrupt at all. He just positioned himself at the side of the bed. Bonnie kept talking calmly and smoothly. ‘We’re going to do something called the McRoberts manoeuvre. I need you to lie on your back and pull up your legs as far as you can. Kerry will help on one side, and Dr Layton on the other. This will make it easier to get your baby out.’ Kerry handed the little boy back over to his dad.
Bonnie gave a little nod to Jacob. ‘Dr Layton is going to push down on your tummy when you have the next contraction. This should free your baby’s shoulder. It might be a little uncomfortable.’ Bonnie glanced at the clock. She had to keep watch. A baby’s umbilical cord could become compressed with shoulder dystocia. If they didn’t get the baby out in the next few minutes, Hayley would need to go for an emergency Caesarean section.
The contraction hit right on cue. Bonnie eased her hands in to give a gentle pull on the baby as Jacob attempted to press the pelvic bone and release the baby’s shoulder. After a few tense seconds, Hayley gave a yelp and the baby slid into Bonnie’s hands.
Kerry had already sounded the alarm and Sean was waiting with outstretched arms to check over the baby. He only took a few minutes. It was important. Babies who had shoulder dystocia could have damage to the nerves in their shoulder, arm and hand. Some could have breathing difficulties if their cord had been compressed. But after a few minutes Sean pronounced the baby well. ‘Congratulations, Mum and Dad, here’s your new baby girl.’
Hayley and Jordan beamed. Bonnie stayed in position. After a few minutes Hayley delivered her placenta and Bonnie did her further checks. ‘Have you got a name for your daughter?’
Hayley nodded. ‘Carly. We’re going to call her Carly.’
Kerry came over with the other baby. ‘Dillon and Carly. They’re beautiful names for your children. Congratulations.’ She handed Dillon back over to his dad. ‘Dillon was six pounds twelve, and Carly six pounds four. Good weights. Sean said he’d be back to check them again later but there’s no reason for them to go to Special Care.’
Hayley and Jordan smiled at each other. They were clearly in the new parenthood haze. Bonnie remembered it well.
Her heart sank a little—just as it always did at this stage. Robert, her ex, had never looked at her the way Jordan was looking at his wife. Robert had just looked permanently stunned. The same expression he’d had on his face when she’d found him in bed with her best friend. He hadn’t been ready for marriage. With hindsight, they both hadn’t.
Robert had been her boyfriend for barely a year when she’d fallen unexpectedly pregnant. His parents were traditionalists and had wanted them to get married. And now, Bonnie realised she’d been more swept away with the idea of being in love, rather than actually being in love. Maybe, at heart, she’d always known that Robert wasn’t marriage material.
But what hurt most of all, despite her best efforts, was the fact he hadn’t made any attempt at all to see Freya since they’d separated. It turned out Robert hadn’t been father material either.
Cambridge was the chance of a new start. She didn’t want to make the same mistakes again. She was determined not to get swept away in some ill-fated romance. Not when she had Freya to think about.
She loved her job. She always had. But sometimes, especially at an emotional delivery, she was struck by the connection between the parents of the new baby. Freya was everything to her. But sometimes it made her a tiny bit envious that she was missing out on something she’d never experienced.
It was pathetic really. Most people didn’t get the fairy tale. Most people got relationships that were hard work—and she knew that. But it didn’t stop her craving the impossible.
She tidied up in the room and got one of the domestics to make Hayley some tea and toast. Most women said that their post-delivery tea and toast was the best in the world.
Kerry tapped her on the shoulder. ‘It’s nearly your finishing time. I’m going to help Hayley with breastfeeding and will hand over to the next shift. Thanks for the help, Bonnie.’
Bonnie gave a smile. ‘No problem, you’re welcome.’ She took the dirty laundry with her to the sluice, disposed of it and washed her hands again.
Jacob appeared at her back. ‘I think that was one of the smoothest shoulder dystocia deliveries I’ve ever seen. Good call.’
Bonnie shook her head. ‘That was pure luck. We both know things could have been different. I was actually breathing a sigh of relief as soon as that baby came out.’
Jacob rested his hand on the small of her back. ‘Believe me, so was I. I didn’t like the thought of a quick sprint down the corridor to Theatre.’
She could feel his warm hand through her thin scrubs. The warmth was radiating across the small of her back. When was the last time a man had touched her? She couldn’t even remember.
She turned her shoulder just a little so she was looking up at him. She hadn’t moved enough to let his hand fall. She didn’t want it to break contact with her. ‘Thank you, Jacob,’ she said quietly.
‘What for?’ He tilted his head to the side. She was only inches away from those green eyes that sparkled with flecks of gold. This was the closest she’d ever been to him. She could see the tiny emerging shadow of stubble along his chin—even though she knew he’d shaved this morning. Her fingers itched to reach up and touch.
The weariness that had been on his face the first day she’d met him had seemed to gradually disperse. On occasion, Jacob still looked tired. But there had been something else that first day—a little despair? Jacob was still a mystery to her. The only thing she knew for sure was that he didn’t have a woman in his life and for some reason that made her happy. Not that she’d ever admit that to anyone—not even Jessica.
‘For not interfering,’ she was whispering, even though there was no need. The rush and bustle of the ward was still going on in the corridor outside, but this seemed like a private conversation. ‘For not coming over all “doctor” and trying to take over. For giving me a chance to do my job.’
He leaned forwards just a little. One inch. That was the space currently between them. She held her breath. If she breathed out right now, her warm breath would touch his skin.
But there was a problem. As she’d breathed in, she’d breathed in him. Jacob. The faintest aroma of this morning’s aftershave. The scent of his skin. She could almost swear she’d just breathed in a whole host of pheromones. What other explanation could there be for the fact she was feeling the slightest bit light-headed? She’d never been light-headed in her life.
‘I’ll always give you the space to do your job, Bonnie. From what I’ve seen you’re excellent at it. I have faith you. The staff have faith in you. The patients have faith in you. You’re a real asset to Cambridge Maternity. And I look after my staff.’
Her lungs were going to explode. She had to breathe out. She really did. Her insides were all over the place. It was the way he’d said it. The way he’d looked into her eyes and told her he had faith in her. She leaned back a little against his hand and tilted her chin up towards him. ‘Thank you, Jacob.’
They froze. Neither of them moving. Their eyes locked together.
‘Bonnie, can you just sign...? Oh, sorry.’
They sprang apart. It was stupid. They hadn’t been doing anything but Bonnie could feel the colour rushing into her face.
Ellis, one of the midwives, was standing with a delivery note in her hand. Her eyes darted between them; it was quite obvious she was cringing and that made Bonnie do the same.
‘That’s fine, Ellis. I was just washing up after the twin delivery. Did you hear that things went well?’ She was back into professional mode. She didn’t even look back, just took long strides towards Ellis, taking the delivery note from her hand and walking over to the nurses’ station, pulling a pen from her pocket.
She was trying to appear as calm and professional as possible. As if nothing at all had been going on between them. Because that was true. Nothing had been going on between them.
So why was her heart thudding against her chest and why did her cheeks feel as if they were on fire? And why was Ellis looking at her as if she would be the next topic of conversation on the hospital grapevine?
Ellis took the paperwork and disappeared back down the corridor. Bonnie sucked in a deep breath. What on earth was wrong with her? She’d almost wanted him to kiss her in the sluice at work. Even the thought of that sent a shiver down her spine—it was hardly the most romantic place in the world.
But it hadn’t been about the place. It had been about the moment. The feel of Jacob’s hand at the small of her back and the way she could see all the tiny lines around his perfect green eyes.
She squeezed her eyes shut. Even her thoughts were getting ridiculous. She had to speak to him. She had to try and understand what was going on. She had to draw a line here. She wasn’t looking for any kind of romance. And definitely not with her new boss—no matter how much he just made her tingle. She spun around towards the sluice again.
But Jacob was gone.
CHAPTER FIVE
SOMETHING WAS DIFFERENT. Something had changed. And Jacob couldn’t quite put his finger on what it was.
All he knew was he was currently sitting on his sofa watching an animated movie with a five-year-old. If someone had told him two weeks ago this was what he’d be doing he’d never have believed it.
‘Who’s your favourite dwarf?’ whispered Freya. She’d insisted on the main light being turned off and eating ice cream as if they were at the movies. He’d never really developed a taste for ice cream but rocky road was hitting the spot.
‘I like that one,’ he said, pointing at the screen.
‘He’s my favourite too.’ She jumped up and a big dollop of ice cream landed on his lap. ‘Oops,’ she said.
He shrugged and scooped the ice cream off his jeans with his fingers and dumped it in his mouth. Freya went into uncontrollable kinks of laughter.
All he knew for sure was that the big black cloud that felt as if it were permanently circling above his head had moved a little higher for the past two weeks. Maybe it was the fact that he was now in the waiting cycle. His treatment was over. He didn’t feel quite so snappy. He certainly didn’t feel so tired. And he was free to work with patients again the way he had before.
Something had definitely improved his mood. Even the junior doctors, who constantly got everything wrong and couldn’t do the most basic of procedures, weren’t annoying him as much as usual. He’d only thrown one out of Theatre the other day, instead of the usual four. People would think he was getting soft. He just wasn’t quite sure if it was the treatment that had improved his mood or the home circumstances.
Living with Bonnie and Freya was certainly out of his normal experience. Freya had a way of winding him around her little finger. He wasn’t quite sure if it was a five-year-old’s mastermind plot, or if she did it purely unintentionally.
She jumped up from the sofa and over to her school bag, which was lying on the floor. ‘Look at this!’ she said as she pulled out a crumpled drawing. ‘I made this for you at school today.’ It was a painting of a man—with very big ears. He couldn’t help it—he started to laugh.
She bounced back up on the sofa next to him. ‘It’s you. Do you like it?’ Her little face was so expectant, just waiting for his approval.
He touched his ears. ‘Are they really this big?’
‘Yes,’ she said without a moment’s hesitation. ‘Can we put it up on the fridge? That’s where my mummy used to put my pictures.’ She tugged at his hand and he let her pull him up and lead him through to the kitchen.
Bonnie was wiping a glass bowl clean as they walked through. ‘Look what I made for Jacob,’ Freya shouted as she waved the picture. ‘We’re going to put it up.’
Bonnie glanced at the picture and tried to stifle a laugh. ‘I think that’s lovely, honey,’ she said. She raised her eyebrows at Jacob. ‘Wait and I’ll find you something to put that up with.’ She opened a nearby drawer and pulled out a fridge magnet he didn’t even know he owned. It seemed impolite not to put it up so he stuck it on the fridge.
Freya’s little face was beaming. ‘Come on,’ she said, tugging at his arm again. ‘My favourite song’s about to start.’
He’d always loved his home. His sanctuary. His way of getting away from the outside world. But although his peace had been shattered, it was nowhere near as invasive as he might have thought.
He almost looked forward to coming home to them at night. And he couldn’t work out why. Maybe it was the distraction. He didn’t have time to think about the stuff hanging over his head. He didn’t have time to consider what he would do if the test results weren’t good—if the non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma hadn’t been halted in its tracks.
He didn’t have time to remember how his mum had died of the horrible disease and how he could have the same future ahead of him. These were the things that used to spin around his head every night when he went to bed.
‘Jacob, come on.’ The little voice was impatient. He hadn’t even realised that he’d been staring at Bonnie’s backside in her snug jeans again. She spun around and gave a little smile as she put some cutlery back in a kitchen drawer.
She looked relaxed. She looked happy. She looked comfortable in his home. Something flipped over inside. He wasn’t quite sure how he felt about all this.
She tilted her head to the side. ‘Should I get us some wine to see us through the rest of the movie?’ She was smiling again.
He gave a nod as he let Freya lead him back through to the front room and he heard the clink of glasses being pulled from the cupboard.
Their almost kiss in the sluice would no doubt haunt his dreams tonight.
What had happened?
He knew it was something. It was definitely something.
There had been a tiny moment when...just something could have happened. He’d felt it. And he was pretty sure she’d felt it too. He’d seen it in her all too expressive eyes.
They’d spent the last week tiptoeing around each other. But that hadn’t stopped the buzz in the air between them. It hadn’t stopped the way their gazes kept connecting with each other.
He’d spent so long concentrating on his disease and trying to get well again that he was out of practice with all this. But even though it was winter, the temperature here was definitely rising.
It was official. Bonnie Reid was keeping him awake at night.
But why did that seem like a good thing and not a bad?
* * *
It was her day off and she was prowling around the house. She couldn’t help it. This weekend she would be working on Saturday as part of her rota for the hospital. It was fine. Lynn was happy to have Freya for the day and planned to take her and her boys to London Zoo.
But Bonnie wasn’t used to having time to herself. She’d cleaned what she could without offending the housekeeper. She’d learned very quickly what was unacceptable for her to do in the house. All her and Freya’s laundry was washed and ironed and sitting in neat piles. The beds were made, the shopping done.
She gave a little shudder. The house was getting cold. There had been a dip in the temperature in the last few days and she wasn’t quite sure how the heating worked in this house. She wasn’t quite sure how Jacob would feel if he found out she was tampering with the settings on his heating. She walked across the front room, her footsteps echoing on the wooden floorboards, her hand running across the top of the mantelpiece.
There was an ornamental coal scuttle at her feet. She knelt down. It was filled with real coal. Jacob had said he hadn’t got round to having the chimney swept.
She gave another shudder. Nothing would be nicer at this time of year than a real fire burning in this gorgeous fireplace.
She stood upright. That was what she could do. Jacob didn’t seem to have any objections to a real fire. He’d just made it sound as if he hadn’t got round to it. He wouldn’t accept any money from her and, to be honest, it felt a little embarrassing. Maybe paying to have the chimney professionally swept would be a way to try and repay him a little for his kindness?
She didn’t hesitate. This was the best idea she’d had in a while. She walked out to the hallway and dug around for the phone book. They were in the middle of Cambridge. There were lots of traditionally built houses around here. There must a local chimney sweep.
Jacob was on call. He might even not be home at all tonight. Sometimes he ended up just staying at the hospital if he was on call. As the consultant he would be called if there was any emergency with a patient. He’d already told her that he wasn’t entirely sure that all the junior members of staff would page him. Some of them still seemed a little nervous around him. She’d tried not to laugh when he’d said that to her.
She picked up the phone and dialled. By the time Jacob got home tonight—or maybe tomorrow morning—she’d have a lovely fire burning in the fireplace, heating up the whole house and giving the place a more homely feel.
He’d love it. She was sure he would.
* * *
The first thing he’d noticed was the strange smell. Ever since Bonnie had arrived his house had smelled of those clean laundry candles that she insisted on lighting everywhere. They actually made his nose itch but he wasn’t inclined to tell her.
She’d waved some red and green ones under his nose the other night and told him she’d bought some Christmas spice candles. If this was what they smelled like he’d be blowing them straight out.
She still hadn’t picked up on his hints about Christmas. The main fact being he just didn’t do it.
There was a strange noise to his left. It sounded like a sniffle. Or more like a sob.
He sneezed. Something was definitely irritating him.
‘Jacob? Is that you?’
Bonnie. Her voice sounded panicked. He dropped his bag at the door and lengthened his stride, walking into his front room.
Or walking into the room that used to be his front room.
Bonnie was on her hands and knees on the floor, a basin next to her, scrubbing away at the floorboards. Freya was sitting on a towel on the faraway leather sofa playing with her dolls.
He sucked in a breath at the sight of his perfect white walls.
They weren’t perfect any more. There was a huge black streak that seemed to have puffed out from the fireplace and left an ugly, angry, giant-sized handprint on the wall.
Bonnie jumped up to speak to him. Soot was smudged across her cheeks and forehead, even discolouring her dark auburn hair. The front of her T-shirt was dirty, as were the knees of her trousers. ‘Oh, Jacob. I’m so sorry. I thought I would have a chance to clean this up before you got home.’
He stepped forwards into the room and held out his hands. ‘What on earth happened?’
Freya tutted from her sofa and shook her head. ‘Naughty Mummy.’ She fixed her eyes on Bonnie. ‘Told you,’ she said in the voice of someone at least fifty years older than her.
Tears streaked down Bonnie’s face. ‘I thought it might be a nice idea to get the chimney swept for you. You know—so you could come home to a nice warm fire. The house was so cold today. So I contacted a chimney sweep. And they seemed so professional. They even put a covering on the floor and some kind of plastic seal around the fireplace. But when he swept the chimney, there must have been a gap.’ She turned to face the blighted wall again as her voice wobbled. ‘And it just seemed to go everywhere. And they tried to clean up, they really did. And they’ve promised to come back tomorrow and repaint the walls.’
He should be angry. But Bonnie was babbling. Just as she had that first day he’d met her. Just as she did when she was really, really nervous and thought she’d just blown things.
It was kind of endearing. But he’d never tell her that.
‘Okay,’ he said quietly.
She looked confused. Another tear streaked down her smudged face. ‘Go and get washed up. I’ll finish the clean-up.’
He was too tired to be angry. He’d wanted to come home to a quiet house and rest. But the days of coming home to a quiet house were over. He could never imagine a house being quiet while Freya stayed there. She was questioning. She was curious. She was relentless.
Her head bobbed up from the menagerie of dolls she had accumulated on the other sofa. She shot him a smile. ‘Hi, Jacob. How many babies did you see today?’
‘Four,’ he said promptly.
This had turned into a game. She asked every day. She frowned at him. ‘Just four. Your record is six. You’ll need to do better.’
‘I agree.’ He nodded towards Bonnie. ‘On you go. Go and get showered. Freya will be fine.’
Bonnie still seemed surprised by his mediocre reaction. The truth was he was surprised by his reaction too. If he waited to see the chimney sweep tomorrow the reaction might not be quite so contained. But he wouldn’t do that either.
He noticed the extra coal scuttle by the fire that contained wood-burning logs. Bonnie must have bought them to help light the fire.
When was the last time someone had done something like this for him? Sure, a few of his friends had offered help when they knew about his diagnosis. Hope and Isabel were the only two people—apart from his consultant—in the entire hospital who knew about his diagnosis. He’d worked with Hope for years and even though Isabel had only arrived a few months ago he’d known straight away she was completely trustworthy. When she’d caught him being sick in the sluice one day she’d just pulled the door closed and come over and asked what was wrong.