His Very Own Baby
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I’m staying at the Bluebird Inn in Warwick until checkout time at eleven tomorrow morning. If you want to see your little boy, I’ll wait for you that long.
His bitterness had reached its zenith. He lifted the bottle to his lips. “You can wait until hell freezes over, my beloved,” he ground out before draining what was left.
Oblivion meant you never had to wake up. Unfortunately Alik’s respite from pain lasted only as long as the phone didn’t ring.
Disoriented because it was so dark in the room, he ran a hand over the stubble on his jaw and tried to sit up. The room spun. He felt like the devil, but the damn phone continued to jar his nerves.
Through bleary eyes he checked his watch. It was quarter to eight? He fell back against the pillow from dizziness. That meant he’d been passed out for ten hours.
What did he expect after drinking a bottle of scotch on an empty stomach!
His cell phone was in the other room. Who in the hell would let it ring twenty times?
Blaire. That’s who. She was desperate for money. Too bad she hadn’t figured out which side her bread was buttered on before she’d betrayed him with another man.
They’d only slept together once—the night before he’d had to leave to give that emergency seminar. From the beginning, he’d held off making love to her until after their marriage because he knew she was a virgin.
But something about his going away on that last unexpected trip had made her so insecure, she’d begged him to take her to bed, assuring him that her OB had put her on the pill at her premarital checkup. It had never occurred to him not to believe her.
At that point in time he’d been too seduced by her warmth and beauty, too deeply in love, too filled with desire for her to see what was coming.
The night they’d made love was the last time he would ever see her again.
Until this morning…
If she’d lied to him about the pill, then the baby could be anybody’s. As far as Alik was concerned, if he had fathered her child, then he wanted DNA proof of his paternity!
Staggering off the bed, he groped his way to the shower and let the water pour over his head until it cleared enough that he could make it to the kitchen without falling down.
The thought of a meal sounded repulsive, but he toasted a slice of bread to put something substantial in his stomach. Two cups of coffee later, he realized that if he didn’t bite the bait, he would always have a question in his mind about the real reason for her unprecedented visit.
Much as he dreaded the idea of seeing her again, of being in the same room with the only woman who’d ever held such fatal appeal for him, he couldn’t live with this thing left unresolved. Not if he wanted to survive the rest of his life.
Obviously he’d never known the real Blaire. It seemed she’d been a bewitching liar all along, deceitfully drawing him down to hell with silken cords fashioned expressly for him. But his instincts told him she wasn’t lying about the existence of a baby.
All that remained was to call her bluff. Then he could write Finished to the end of the script and toss it in the trash along with every bittersweet memory.
After brushing his teeth, he dressed in clean trousers and a polo shirt, then left the trailer.
“Dr. Jarman? Wait up!”
His head swam as he turned it. He held on to the door handle to regain his equilibrium. “Hello, Ms. Call. What can I do for you?” The attractive blond graduate student was starting to make a nuisance of herself.
“I’ve been trying to reach you on the phone. It’s Friday night. A whole bunch of us are getting together in Peter’s trailer for a party. They elected me to invite you.”
“That’s very nice of everyone but I’m afraid I have other plans.”
Not to be daunted she said, “The party will probably go all night. You’ll be welcome whenever you get back.”
“Don’t think I’m not appreciative of the invitation, but I haven’t partied in years and have no intention of starting now. Good night, Ms. Call.”
She followed him to his truck. “Why won’t you call me Sandy?”
“I never address female students by their first names on the job.” He got inside and shut the door.
“What about off the job?” she asked in a surprisingly brazen manner through the open window.
“There is no ‘off the job’ when it comes to students.”
The only time he’d broken that rule had been with Blaire. It had turned out to be the greatest mistake of his life. He had an idea he would spend the rest of eternity paying for it. Tonight was a case in point.
He backed away, then floored the accelerator, almost hoping the dust flew in the aggressive Ms. Call’s face so she would get the point. With Blaire it had been the other way around. He’d done all the running. Until she’d let him catch her…
She’d missed his first test and had called his office with an excuse that she’d gotten the flu and didn’t feel well enough to take the exam. Used to the wiles of some of the female students who traded on their good looks for favors, he didn’t believe her and told her to come into his office. He’d give her the exam orally if she couldn’t write.
The breathtaking, auburn-haired student ten to twelve years his junior who’d shown up for the appointment did indeed have the flu. She appeared unsteady on her feet and the red stains on her cheeks were due to a fever.
Without conscious thought he put the back of his hand to the skin of her cheek where her shoulder-length hair had been swept aside. It was hot to the touch. At the slight contact, surprised dove-gray eyes fringed by black lashes fused with his. In that moment he felt a quickening pass through both their bodies.
“Forgive me for not believing you,” he whispered, lowering his hand. “When did you notice the flu coming on?”
“This morning.”
He sucked in his breath. “You must feel wretched and should be home in bed. How did you drive here in this condition?”
“I took the bus.”
Scandalized by his insensitive treatment of her over the phone earlier, he said, “This is my fault. I’m through lecturing for today and will drive you home.”
“Oh, no.” She shook her head. “That’s very kind of you, but it won’t be necessary. As long as I’m here, please let me take the test, then I’ll go.”
Though he could sense her reservations about being alone with him, he knew a fire had been lit inside her. The same fire had been ignited inside him when he’d touched her skin. An invisible energy crackled between them.
Her breathing had grown shallow. A tiny pulse in the scented hollow of her throat throbbed out of control. He had an irresistible urge to press his mouth to it.
“Forget the test. I’ll drive you home.”
“My parents’ house is twelve miles away from campus. That’s too far. I couldn’t let you do it.”
The more she retreated, the more determined he was to have his way.
“If you won’t allow me to make amends, then I’ll call for a taxi.”
“Please no. I don’t have the cash on me.”
“Naturally I would pay.”
Her small gasp of frustration pleased him. “Dr. Jarman—”
“The name is Alik. If you’re going to refuse all help, then let me call one of your parents to come and get you.”
“My dad’s the only one with a car and he teaches at a junior high. I wouldn’t dream of getting him out of class.”
He put his hands on his hips. “Then the only thing to do is accompany you home on the bus.”
He watched her swallow nervously. “Why would you do that?”
“Because flu can cause a person to pass out. If you start to feel lightheaded, I want to be there with my cell phone to call 911. Admit you’re about ready to collapse.”
Tears moistened her eyes. “I—I admit it,” she stammered.
Through with this nonsense, he walked over to the door and turned out the light. “Come on. My car’s right outside the back steps of the building. I’m taking you home. Now.”
In those last seconds of hesitation, he knew she was fighting more than her desire not to be a burden.
His world changed the moment she moved past him in acquiescence. Like a lick of flame, the accidental brush of her hip against his sealed his fate.
As the sign for Warwick came into view, Alik’s torturous thoughts returned to the present with a jerk.
A long time ago he’d consigned Blaire Regan to the devil. Such a beautiful, treacherous coward, she’d ended their love affair long distance proffering no explanation he could live with. To compound the pain, she’d run away where he couldn’t find her. By refusing to face him, her cruel actions had denied him any possibility of permanent closure.
His jaw hardened.
She’d made a fatal mistake by daring to show up at his trailer this morning. Before the night was out she would learn the definition of cruelty. Then it would be she who rued the day their paths had ever crossed.
The knuckles of his hand gleamed white as he turned the steering wheel to enter the parking area in front of the Bluebird Inn.
CHAPTER TWO
WITH the bulk of the ten o’clock television news coverage over, Blaire realized she’d been waiting for something that was never going to happen.
She looked down at her adorable baby who was still wide-awake on one of the double beds, almost as if he knew this day and night had been different from all the others. His fingers clung to her pinky.
“How sad Alik’s never going to know you, my little love.” One salty tear dropped, then another. “You have no idea what a wonderful man he is, Nicky. There’s no one his equal, except for you. I pray you’ll grow up to be exactly like him.”
She used the edge of the baby quilt she’d made for him to wipe her eyes. “I’m not talking about the angry man I confronted this morning. I’m afraid that man is the result of what I did to him. He’ll never forgive me, I can see that now. Why should he? If he’d done the same thing to me, I’m not sure I’d even be alive.
“When he walked in his trailer this morning and saw me, he had every right to throw me out bodily. But he didn’t. He could have called me a liar. In fact he could have called me every cruel name he could think of. He could have shouted loud enough for everyone at the site to hear him. Yet he restrained himself, because he’s a real man.”
The lump lodged in her throat refused to move. “I did an awful thing to him, Nicky. I hurt him the worst way you can hurt a man. It destroyed me, too. But I had no choice. None…”
She leaned over to kiss the top of his nose. Every time she looked at his precious face, it was Alik all over again. Just in miniature.
“I believe it was destiny the day I came down with that bout of flu in college. I was already halfway in love with your father, the brilliant, famous, drop-dead gorgeous Dr. Jarman. Every woman in class had fantasies about him. Yet I was the lucky one who had to go to his office to take my test.
“He was unbelievably tender with me.” A delicious shiver ran through her as she relived the feel of his hand on her face to check her temperature. “After driving me home, he brought me dinner and flowers. I didn’t have to take the test until I was better. By then I so madly in love with him, I forgot I had any other classes.
“We spent every waking moment together. Most evenings we walked along the beach talking about our lives, then ended up in each other’s arms. He shared his dreams with me. Imagine. Me. I told him mine. You were part of those dreams, Nicky. You and the rest of the family we were going to rear one day.
“Your father has led such a fascinating life. His privileged background has given him the best education in the best schools. He’s gone on adventures that have taken him all over the world. What’s so amazing about all this is that he became my world, and I became his.
“Though I was forced to break up with him—” her voice shook in remembered pain of that ghastly time when he was away giving a seminar “—I’ll always be thankful he made me pregnant with you. You’re all I have left of him. When we get home, I’m never looking back again. What I am going to do is raise you to be the same, magnificent man he is. I plan to devote my life to you, my sweet love.
“Come on. Let’s get you undressed and ready for bed. We have a long flight home to San Diego tomorrow. You need your sleep. So do I.”
As she got up from the bed to find his nightgown in the diaper bag, the phone rang. The baby’s arms flailed in the air.
That would be Blaire’s mother calling to find out how things had gone today.
Not so well, Mom.
Blaire walked around to the bedside table to pick up the receiver and said hello.
“Ms. Regan? This is the front desk. There’s a Dr. Jarman here who said you were expecting him.”
The receiver slipped from her fingers. It clanked against the wood. With trembling hands she grasped for it.
“Y-yes. I am. Please send him up.”
Dear God.
“Very good.”
After hearing the click, she replaced the receiver and dashed to the bathroom to retouch her lipstick. Her hair needed a good brushing after playing with the baby who had started to reach for the strands. She probably ought to cut it, but it was too thick to wear short.
The blue cotton sweater and designer jeans she’d chosen to wear no longer seemed right, but it was too late now. She could hear his familiar tap on the door. He didn’t do it like anyone else. Her heart skipped a beat. Some things never changed.
She hurried out of the bathroom toward the door to the hotel room. But she was so frightened and excited all at the same time, she had to stop and try to pull herself together before she opened it.
This morning Alik had been breathtaking enough in a T-shirt and jeans. Tonight he was shaven and dressed in a navy polo shirt and cargo pants, the kind of clothes that revealed his devastating masculinity. He put every other man to shame.
Embarrassed because she’d been feasting her eyes, she quickly lifted her gaze to his face, fearful of seeing the same chilling look in his green eyes he’d directed at her earlier in the day. But for once something else had caught his attention. He stared past her shoulder to the baby still dressed in his adorable yellow suit who happened to be in Alik’s direct line of vision.
She noticed the sharp rise and fall of his chest before he swept past her in a few long strides to reach the bed. In his haste, he’d forgotten to shut the door. Blaire closed it, then walked slowly toward him waiting for his reaction.
With that effortless male grace, which was unconscious on his part, he sank down on the bed next to the baby. Her breath caught as she watched him lean over Nicky and run a hand through his curly black hair.
Their son didn’t seem particularly disturbed that a total stranger had started to undress him. Nicky’s sweet temperament allowed Alik to examine every part of his anatomy, from his broad shoulders to his square-tipped fingers and long legs without making a fuss.
While he lay there looking up at his father with cloudy eyes already fringed by long black lashes like Alik’s, his dark male beauty and olive skin, the square jaw, the way his shell ears lay close to his perfectly shaped head, all screamed Jarman.
“Dear Lord— I have a son.”
The reverence, the wonder in Alik’s husky tone told Blaire how much this moment meant to him. Her heart swelled until she thought it might burst. No matter if she’d done everything else wrong in life, she’d done this one thing right.
Clearing her throat she murmured, “Perhaps now you’ll understand why I didn’t dare bring him to the site. People would have taken one look at him an—”
“Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?” he demanded before she could finish. The tender side had disappeared as if it had never been.
By now Alik had gathered their near-naked baby against his shoulder with the quilt. He rose to his full, intimidating height.
She backed away from the fury in his glittering gaze. “I—I didn’t know I was pregnant when I broke our engagement. After I found out, I thought it better not to tell you.”
“Why? Damn you.” He hadn’t raised his voice. Maybe that’s why his excoriating rebuke sounded more deadly.
Clasping her hands together she said, “I told you I had been put on birth control pills, but the doctor said I should have been on them a full month b-before—”
“That still doesn’t explain why I wasn’t informed you were carrying my son.” His voice grated.
Aghast at his unexpected anger, she struggled for words that would appease him. Anything but the truth.
“I knew how much you hated me for ending our relationship the way I did. There was no excuse for my unconscionable behavior. I realize I was a coward. It’s because I was too immature for a man like you. Under the circumstances, I didn’t want to bring any more grief to your life.”
His features hardened, making him appear older than his thirty-six years.
“If that’s the case, then why in the hell have you come here now?”
She fought to hold back the sobs for the bitterness and hurt in his voice.
I’m so sorry for what I’ve done to you, my darling. You’ll never know the nightmare I’ve lived through. I can never tell you.
“Because having a baby forced me to consider someone else besides myself. Before Nicky’s delivery, it was all still like a dream. But when the doctor laid him across my stomach, I was struck with the realization that he was half yours. In that moment I determined that as soon as my OB would allow me to travel, I would bring him to you.
“I couldn’t have lived with myself if I’d kept this knowledge from you. As the father of our baby, it’s your God-given right to know he exists. R-Rick agrees.”
“Rick?” The skin around Alik’s mouth had gone a bluish-white. If she didn’t know better, she would think he were ill.
“Rick Hammond, my fiancé.” Dear God, the lies… “He knows I’m here, and he knows why. After we’re married, he intends to be a wonderful father to Nicky. Rick’s a good person. You can trust him to help me raise our son.”
A stillness had come over Alik. It should have warned her to stop talking, but she’d been working on this speech for weeks and needed to get it all said while she still had the courage.
“I—If you want to see Nicky from time to time, I’m willing to work out visitation with you. I’ll give you my phone number.” She moved over to the counter by the television and wrote it down on a piece of hotel stationery. “After Rick and I are married, I’ll let you know my new one.”
As she lifted her head, she noticed he’d put the baby back down on the bed. To her shock, he’d stretched out beside Nicky and was testing the strength of their little boy’s hands and arms.
The deep chuckle that came out of Alik testified to his delight in his offspring. Many times she’d dreamed about a domestic scene like this between father and son, but the reality was so poignant, she found herself fighting tears again.
“Alik?” His actions made her wonder if he’d even heard her.
“What is it?” he asked without looking in her direction.
“I know all of this has come as a tremendous shock. You don’t need to make up your mind about visitation tonight. If you need time to decide what you want to do, I’ll certainly understand.”
“I don’t need time,” came the blunt reply. “I want custody of Nicky.”
It was her turn to freeze in place. Surely she hadn’t heard him correctly.
Calm down, Blaire. He’s only baiting you because he has to go somewhere with all the anger that’s been bottled up inside him for the past year. Don’t take anything he says seriously. He looks exhausted. In a few minutes he’ll leave and that will be the end of it.
Pretending she hadn’t heard him, she found the baby’s nightgown in the diaper bag, then walked over to pick up Nicky and put him in the crib. But by this time Alik had nestled the baby against his shoulder with one strong, suntanned hand spanning his little back.
“I need to get him ready for bed, Alik.”
He stared up at her, his slumberous gaze narrowed on her features. “I need time to get acquainted with my son. There are two double beds in here. You look tired. Why don’t you go to sleep in the other one. I’ll take care of him.”
“Don’t be absurd!” she cried before remembering that she wasn’t going to let him get to her.
“I see you brought cans of formula with you.” He spoke in a conversational tone, ignoring her outburst. “Did you do that so I could feed him, or aren’t you nursing?”
The intimate question caught her off guard because she hadn’t expected him to think about things like that. She found herself blushing. Her reaction was ridiculous considering the fact that they’d spent a whole night making love. That night the term “one flesh” took on a whole new meaning, with Nicky as the final result.
“I nursed him in the hospital, but he developed a serious rash. The pediatrician told me he’s allergic to my milk, so I switched to formula. I use something different when I’m home, but the canned milk works fine for travel.”
Not being able to nurse had come as a huge disappointment to her. But compared to the more serious problems some mothers faced with their newborns, she had no room to complain.
“In that case I’ll be able to give him his next feeding. If you can’t go to sleep with the light on, by all means turn it off. Nicky and I will get along just fine in the dark, won’t we, son.”
This game had gone far enough. She sat down on the bed opposite him, unaware she was torturing the nightgown in her hands. Preoccupied with an animated Nicky and his baby noises, Alik refused to look at her.
“It’s getting late.” She had to think fast. “I promised Rick I would phone him before I went to bed.”
“Go ahead. So far our son’s behavior has been perfect. This is probably the best time to talk. Rick needs to know that I’m not relinquishing my right to raise Nicky. On the contrary, I plan to father him on a full-time basis from here on out.”
The finality in his tone terrified Blaire. She bowed her head.
“You can’t do that. He’s my son, too, Alik.”
“I’m afraid you should have thought of that before you entered my trailer without being invited. If you think I’m going to allow him to be raised by another man who answers to Daddy, and calls him son, then you never knew me, and I sure as hell never knew you. Except of course for one night in the biblical sense,” he scathed, wounding her in new ways that went marrow deep.
She slid off the edge of the bed and got to her feet, too upset to remain in one position. “Why don’t you go home and get a good night’s sleep. I’ll do the same. In the morning we’ll be fresh and can talk over breakfast before I have to leave for the airport with Nicky.”
His answer was to place the baby on his stomach and rub the back of his head in a soothing motion. While Nicky lay there perfectly content, Blaire felt like screaming.
“I know you’re angry, Alik. You have every right to be. But please let’s not fight over Nicky. He’s an innocent baby who deserves the best from both of us. As long as you want to be a part of his life, I’m willing to work out something reasonable with you.”
His piercing glance trapped hers. “I plan to be very reasonable. How much do you want in order to give me exclusive parental rights? Two million dollars? Three? What’s your price? Why not talk it over with Rick. I’m willing to negotiate as long as he names a figure that’s somewhere in the ball park.”
She shook her head in exasperation. “My baby is not for sale at any price.”
His mocking smile shattered her. “A little while ago you hastened to inform me he was our baby.”
“Stop it, Alik!”
“You started it by coming to New York and presenting me with our little fait accompli.
“Did you think I was going to forgive your crimes because you decided at the midnight hour to do the decent thing in letting me know I was a father?” Rage had made the cords stand out in his neck.