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The only thing Laurel could think to do was make a surprise visit to his parents’ house. She’d hoped no one would be there so she could stick her letter to the front door with some tape.
“Was that the man who made you cry?”
So much for the kids not knowing what was going on.
“No, Joey. It was his brother.”
“How do you know?”
“Because they look alike, the way you and Mike do.”
“I don’t look like Joey,” Mike muttered.
“Yes, you do,” their mother insisted. “And you both look like your dad.”
“If you have a boy, it’ll look like Uncle Scott, huh, Aunt Laurel?”
“Not necessarily, Joey.” This was from Brent, who hadn’t chosen to interfere until now.
“It might be a girl.”
“We want a boy cousin, Mom.”
Brent grinned. “You should’ve put in your order sooner, Mike. I’m afraid it was decided eight months ago.”
“Who decided it?”
“The father does, Joey.”
“Then Uncle Scott would’ve picked a boy!”
“Your dad didn’t mean the father really decides. Remember in that book we all read together? When the sperm and the egg unite to make a baby, there’s something in the man’s sperm that’ll make it a boy or a girl.”
“But what if we don’t want our sperm to make a girl?” Joey blurted.
Laurel bit her lip to keep from laughing. Like Julie, she felt it was important to teach children the truth using correct terms. However she could see that honesty didn’t necessarily answer all the questions.
“That’s why God’s in charge,” his mother explained.
“You always say that.”
“That’s because it’s true, Mike,” their father said.
“I guess He didn’t want our family to have girls, then.”
“Oh, I don’t know.”
Before Laurel had time to react to Julie’s mysterious comment, Brent had already pulled over to the side of the highway. He turned in the seat to stare at his wife.
“Did you just say what I think you said?” Laurel heard incredulity and excitement in his voice.
Julie’s low chuckle gave her away. “I was going to wait until tonight to tell you.”
“Tell Dad what, Mom?” Mike asked.
Laurel couldn’t resist interjecting. “It sounds like you’re going to be getting a new little brother or sister later on in the year.”
How wonderful, wonderful.
Her sister’s pregnancy had just settled something that had been a big question in Laurel’s mind. After her own baby was born, she’d love to buy a small house in Aurora, so they could all still be close and she could help her sister when the time came for her delivery. They could raise their children together.
But only if Brent felt right about it. He’d put up with her for months now. Maybe he was counting the days until she left their house and Denver for good. No one could have been as terrific to her as he’d been since Scott’s death. To expect more might be assuming too much.
During the rest of the drive home, Laurel remained silent. For the moment she was content to put her head back and listen to the happy flow of conversation from her favorite people.
Every once in a while, she’d sneak a glance at Brent. She wondered if Scott had beamed like that after he’d heard the news about his baby.
Their child was almost here. It moved constantly in the womb, preventing her from finding a comfortable position. Since her seventh month she hadn’t had a good night’s sleep. Yet she reveled in every stage of her pregnancy because she no longer felt alone.
NATE HAD BEEN SKIING in the Alps many times with different friends, but none of them could keep up. Only Rick exceeded him in speed and technique. If his brother hadn’t learned to love car-racing at such an early age, he could have trained for the Olympics, too. He was that good. But then, he was good at everything, just like their parents.
This afternoon, his brother had given him a real workout on Eagles’ Nest.
“That’s our pizza,” Rick said when the doorbell rang. “I’ll get it.”
Following an afternoon of hard skiing, pizza normally sounded good to Nate, but not today. He pulled on his sweats and went to get a couple of Cokes from the fridge.
When he saw a rumpled envelope with the name Hawk written on it stuck to the door with a magnet, he forgot why he’d come into the kitchen.
Hell.
He yanked the refrigerator door open to get the drinks. When he slammed it shut, he did it so hard the magnet and letter fell to the floor.
Much as he wanted to leave it there, he realized he was behaving like an immature child. How could a thirty-year-old man—a man who’d experienced everything he had, including the deaths of family let one insignificant woman’s actions rule his emotions like this?
As if operating in slow motion, he put the cans on the counter, then reached for the letter and magnet. After attaching the souvenir magnet to the door again, he turned the envelope over and opened it. She’d confined her remarks to one page.
Dear Hawk,
I should probably address you as Major Hawkins, but Scott always called you Hawk. That’s the way I’ve thought of you over the years.
My husband admired you greatly. If he did something to ruin your relationship, he wasn’t aware of it or he would have told me.
Since last night I’ve been thinking hard about the way you treated me on the dance floor. No matter how many times I’ve gone over it in my mind, I can’t imagine why you were so cruel, unless you wanted me to know Scott had committed some unpardonable offense.
He’s gone now, so he can’t ask your forgiveness or make amends. I would do both if I knew what was wrong.
It hurts to think that someone Scott loved like a brother still harbors so much bitterness toward him. Whatever it was must have been very serious to wipe out nine years of friendship.
To be frank, I’m still asking myself how you could’ve written such a beautiful letter at Scott’s death, only to show me a completely different side of you last night.
I’m assuming that when your leave is over, you’ll be returning to Holland. The last I heard about you, Duce said you were stationed at Leeuwarden, where you were testing the MLU jet with some other pilots from Norway and Belgium.
If ever the day comes when your anger subsides enough to tell me what went wrong, you can reach me by phone in Denver where I live.
He saw the phone number she’d written.
I guess I’m human enough to want life to be perfect. But as I found out years ago, life takes you down roads you hadn’t planned on traveling.
Wherever your road takes you, Hawk, I wish you luck. I mean that sincerely. Scott’s career in the Air Force wouldn’t have provided the same thrill for him if you hadn’t been a big part of it from the very beginning.
Fly high and watch your tail.
Laurel.
Nate stood there in shock.
If he’d expected anything, it would’ve been defensiveness on her part or an attempt to hide her culpability. Instead, nothing he’d read, either in her words or between the lines, suggested she felt an ounce of guilt.
His eyes closed. Laurel Pierce was a beautiful woman. Even in the last stage of pregnancy she looked as stunning as ever.
Had she always been this amoral?
Scott had married her out of high school. Two years younger than he was, she’d been plucked from her home at an early age. Perhaps it was the long separations from Scott while they were stationed overseas that had made her vulnerable to other men’s attention. One of them had given her a child….
As Nate’s father had once told him, being a hotshot pilot came at a price. If he was determined to have a career in the Air Force, he needed to keep that in mind if he wanted a family too.
At the time Nate had half listened to the warning. Not until now did he grasp the full essence of what his father had been trying to tell him. Though Scott hadn’t let it show, there’d obviously been trouble in the Pierce marriage.
“The pizza’s getting cold.”
His gaze flicked to his brother who’d just entered the kitchen.
“You took so long getting the drinks, I figured you’d decided to read her letter. What did she have to say?”
Nate held it out. “Go ahead. Then you’ll know I was right the first time.”
Rick took it from him.
Not waiting for a reaction, Nate picked up the drinks and headed for the living room, where Rick had set up a game of chess. Their father had taught them well, and only Rick could beat him.
Without their dad around, maybe Nate could outmaneuver his brother for a change. He was in the mood for a challenge.
Halfway through a can of pop, Rick joined him. He was still holding the damn letter.
“Let’s get started,” Nate muttered.
His brother didn’t sit down at the card table. “If she’s as guilty as you think she is, it took guts for her to write that letter after you rebuffed her not once, but twice.”
Rick was beginning to sound like their mother. When there was a problem, she always resorted to logic to make her sons see reason.
“I’m not sure the woman knows the difference between right and wrong.”
“Wouldn’t you like to find out?” His brother was goading him like no one else could—and still get away with it.
“Don’t say anything else, Rick. We’re not little kids anymore.”
“That’s true,” he retorted. “Little kids make wild judgments without the necessary knowledge to back them up. Spade’s wife must really be hurting if she dared face you a third time. It isn’t like you to enjoy someone else’s pain.”
“She’s going to have another guy’s baby. That’s all the knowledge I need. Spade was my friend!” He could feel the veins standing out in his neck.
“But your friendship doesn’t include the woman he loved? Is that what you’re implying?”
“I didn’t know her.”
“You knew her through her husband’s eyes. She knew you the same way. In many respects that’s even more intimate,” he said as he placed the letter on the end table. “If she has anything to confess, it would make sense that you’re the one she’d turn to, given half a chance.”
Nate folded his arms. “Do you want to play chess or not?”
“Are you in the mood to be beaten?”
“Winning too many races has made you cocky.”
Rick straddled the chair and sat down. “Flying too many combat missions has made you ruthless.”
He hadn’t seen that coming. Not from his brother. Nate averted his eyes, wondering if any part of what Rick had just said was true.
The next week was going to be endless for both of them. Until their father returned from his honeymoon, they couldn’t make any definite plans for the future.
“It’s your move, big brother.”
They both knew Rick wasn’t talking about chess.
An hour later Nate still couldn’t concentrate on the game. The two of them looked at each other in resignation before agreeing to call it a night.
Rick pushed himself away from the card table. “See you in the morning.”
Nate nodded to his brother, who left the living room first. His gaze followed Rick before it shifted to the letter. Without disturbing the chess pieces, he got up and plucked it from the end table to read again. One particular paragraph leaped out at him.
My husband admired you greatly. If he did something to ruin your relationship, he wasn’t aware of it or he would have told me.
Her words had kindled his anger the first time around. On second reading, he’d reached flash point.
How dare she pretend Scott had anything to do with Nate’s reaction to her last evening!
His chest heaved as he turned out the lights and dashed up the stairs to his bedroom. When he started to get undressed, he realized he still held her letter. To his surprise, he’d crumpled it completely without being aware of it.
As he tossed it into the wastebasket, he knew exactly what Spade would have done if their positions had been reversed and he’d seen Nate’s supposedly barren widow pregnant with a child that couldn’t possibly be Nate’s.
Spade had been a man of action. You knew where you stood with him. That was where he’d gotten his nickname—the fact that he always called a spade a spade.
Grinding his teeth, Nate walked over to the wastebasket. Slowly he smoothed out the paper to find a certain phone number.
CHAPTER FOUR
THROUGHOUT HER PREGNANCY Laurel hadn’t developed cravings for any particular foods. However she’d always loved peanut butter and plum jam sandwiches. For the last few months she’d enjoyed one every night before going to bed. Tonight was no exception.
While she was putting the bread and jars back in the fridge, the phone rang. She ignored it. At nine-thirty it was probably a business call for Brent, who was in the family room with Julie and the kids watching TV.
A couple of seconds later, her brother-in-law appeared in the kitchen doorway. He wore a grim expression.
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s Nate Hawkins.”
Her pulse rate doubled. She stared at Brent. “That’s good news. I wasn’t sure he’d get back to me at all.”
“He hurt you a lot. You’re sure this is what you want?”
“Absolutely. The sooner I get to the bottom of things, the sooner I can put the whole experience away. I’ll answer it in here.” She reached for the cordless phone.
“I’ll go back to the study and hang up.”
“Thanks, Brent.”
He still hadn’t made a move to leave. His protective instincts were out in full measure, and Laurel loved him for being so good to her.
“It’ll be fine,” she assured him.
“I don’t want him to upset you and send you into early labor.”
She smiled. “If I didn’t have a strong constitution, I’d probably have had the baby on Saturday night. Don’t worry. Anything he has to say to me now couldn’t have the same shock value. Trust me.”
“It looks like I’m going to have to. Holler if you need help.”
Laurel nodded, then clicked the “on” button. She put the phone to her ear. “Hello, Hawk? I appreciate your calling me.”
“Any thanks should go to my brother.” She winced. “I know it’s late so I won’t keep you. If you really want to talk, it would be better accomplished in person.”
Clipped and to the point. His hostile attitude was so far removed from the tone of the letter he’d sent her six months ago, she had trouble believing this was the same man.
Over the years, there’d only been a few times when he’d phoned Scott at their base residence and she’d happened to answer the phone first. On those occasions he’d been friendly and polite.
She leaned against the counter, more puzzled than ever. “I was hoping you’d agree to meet me. I live in Aurora. There’s a Fordham’s Pancake House just off the exit for Aurora at Washington Avenue.”
“I know the spot.”
“Good.” Her hand tightened on the receiver. “Depending on your schedule, I could meet you there anytime Tuesday or Thursday of this next week.” Thursday she had an appointment with her OB, but she would change it if she had to. “That is, if you haven’t used up all your leave.”
Those were the days Julie didn’t work. Laurel could borrow her car to drive the short distance to the restaurant. Under the circumstances, she was certain Hawk would prefer meeting her on neutral ground. Laurel felt the same way. She had no desire to involve her family in any further unpleasantness.
“Tuesday’s fine,” he said without hesitation. “Shall we say 10:00 a.m.?”
It was evident he wanted to get this over with as soon as possible, too.
“I’ll be there. Thank you for getting back to me so quickly.”
“Make no mistake. I’m doing this for Spade.”
The line went dead.
For Spade? She translated that to mean he wouldn’t have given her the time of day otherwise.
A perplexed Laurel put the phone back on the charger. Without conscious thought she reached for her sandwich, wondering what kind of grievance he could possibly have against her.
Julie soon appeared in the kitchen, watching her anxiously.
Laurel answered her unspoken question. “It appears that Hawk thinks that I’m the one who’s done something unpardonable, not Scott. We’re meeting on Tuesday at Fordham’s where he’ll deliver a few home truths. Ten in the morning, no less.”
“He didn’t give you a clue what’s wrong?”
“No. It reminds me of the story Nana Hayes used to tell us all the time.”
“You mean about Dr. Childers, the university professor who failed her because she thought Nana told the board of regents Dr. Childers smoked?”
“That’s the one. Nana had to go to college another semester and take the same English literature class over with a different professor. She couldn’t graduate with her class and was denied the right to graduate magna cum laude.”
“It’s hard to believe she wasn’t even allowed to meet with Dr. Childers so she could deny the charge to her face. There should have been a board of inquiry.”
“I agree, but sixty-five years ago professional women weren’t supposed to smoke, and the students didn’t have the same rights they enjoy today. Nana never got over being accused and punished for something she didn’t do.”
“I guess Dr. Childers never lived it down, either,” Julie surmised.
“For some reason Hawk’s made me feel the same way. Like I’ve done a terrible thing and there’s no chance of forgiveness.”
“That’s absurd, Laurel.”
“Well, I guess I’ll find out on Tuesday.” She finished the other half of her sandwich, then drank the glass of milk she’d poured. “Let’s hope our meeting has a positive result. I wouldn’t want to go through the rest of my life with this haunting me.”
“He’s really gotten to you, hasn’t he.”
“Yes. Even I’m surprised.” She put the milk carton back in the refrigerator. “I suppose it’s because he and Scott were so close. It makes me wonder how many things my husband shared with Hawk that I don’t know about—things Scott didn’t like about me.”
Julie shook her head. “Scott adored you, Laurel.”
“I know he loved me, but we both had our flaws. Some of mine were glaring. Maybe he complained to Hawk once too often.”
“Name one.”
“After the way I cried because we still hadn’t conceived after our first three years of marriage, he couldn’t understand why I refused to start the adoption process. Maybe deep inside he felt cheated of a family and confided his frustration to Hawk.”
“But Scott knew the fertility specialist hadn’t given up on the idea of the two of you having your own baby. As it turns out, you are going to have Scott’s child!”
“Even so, it might’ve created too much pressure to bear over the years. If Hawk picked up on that, he could resent me for it.”
“What goes on between a husband and wife is no one else’s business!” Julie said staunchly.
“Try telling that to two buddies in combat who depend on each other for their very lives, knowing they might not make it back.” She washed her empty glass. “I would imagine Hawk considers me a very selfish woman.”
“He has no right to judge.”
She flashed her sister a frank glance. “I’m afraid Scott gave him the right. They had their own private brotherhood. Every Air Force wife knows that.”
Julie’s features softened with compassion. “Did Scott exclude you sometimes?”
“Not purposely. But there were occasions when he had to talk something over with Hawk. It wasn’t enough to tell me.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“It’s okay. It goes with the territory when you’re married to a hotshot. If my not wanting to adopt until we were a 100 percent sure we couldn’t have our own children hurt him more deeply than he let on, then I suppose he made it Hawk’s business.”
Julie moved closer. “If he’s holding a grudge against you for something your husband told him in confidence, then he isn’t the terrific guy Scott thought he was.”
“Thanks for saying that. I happen to agree with you. Fortunately for me, I’ll be able to face my accuser as early as Tuesday morning, unlike our poor Nana…” She pasted on a smile. “We’ve come a long way, baby.”
Julie gave her an encouraging hug before they left the kitchen together.
THE FORDHAM PANCAKE HOUSE chain covered Colorado to Oklahoma. Before going overseas, Nate had eaten at several of them. No matter the day or hour, they were always crowded.
He’d arrived at nine-thirty under an overcast sky to give the head waitress his name and get in line so he’d be assured a table.
Earlier he and Rick had grabbed a breakfast of toast and coffee at the house. After dropping his brother off at the ski shop with the promise that he’d be back by noon, Nate left for Denver.
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