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It sounded like Raoul had finally come out of his own darkness and was trying to get on with his life. She wished she didn’t want to know what the other woman was like, but certain thoughts pervaded her mind anyway. And now Raoul was here.
Because of his unanticipated arrival this afternoon, her emotions were in chaos and the last year apart might never have been. Already a new form of turmoil was eating away at her insides, destroying whatever little peace of mind she’d been clinging to because an ocean had separated them.
Raoul had fastened Philippe in the backseat, but kept looking at him through the rearview mirror. Philippe could see him in it and they both smiled. “You’ve grown a foot since the last time I saw you.” He spoke in French.
His nephew giggled. “I’ve had a birthday, too,” he responded in the same language. “The model car you sent me is my favorite toy.”
“I’m glad you like it.”
“Next year I’ll be seven.”
Puzzled by the comment Raoul said, “How come you’re in such a hurry to get older?”
“‘Cause then Mommy will take me back to see you.”
Stunned by the revealing comment, he had to take a fortifying breath. “Do you know how much I’ve missed you?” Raoul couldn’t imagine loving his own child more than he loved Philippe.
The boy nodded. “I’ve missed you, too. Every time we talked on the phone, you promised you’d come and see me. How come it took you so long?”
He gripped the steering wheel tighter. There were several reasons. He hadn’t liked the fact that he’d developed an unwanted attraction to his sister-in-law. It was better they were apart. For a long time he’d been at war with himself to keep things that way. But Philippe didn’t know that, and there was only one safe answer to give him.
“Business has kept me too busy. Your grandfather has been forced to slow down, so I’ve been doing some of his work along with my own.”
“Now that you’re here you can stay at my nana’s with me in the other bed. Sometimes Mommy sleeps in there with me when I cry.”
Raoul sucked in his breath. “Do you cry a lot?”
“Yes. Do you?”
“Sometimes. I miss your father, too.”
“I wish he didn’t have to die. Then we wouldn’t have to live here.”
The tremor in his nephew’s voice caused Raoul’s throat to swell. “I’ve wished that a thousand times, Philippe.” A thousand times. Crystal’s decision to move back to Colorado had angered him. But as the months had worn on and he’d recovered from his initial reaction, he’d realized it was because he’d missed her.
They’d shared a hell of a lot over the years. When she’d left Chamonix for good, he was flung into another void that had nothing to do with the loss of his brother. Insane as it was, he found his thoughts dwelling on her all the time, filling him with guilt that it was she rather than Eric he was missing.
“I’m mad at Mommy.”
Join the club, Philippe.
But Raoul steeled himself not to react. There’d been a major change in Crystal even before Eric’s death. Emotionally he’d felt her push herself away from the family, from him. For his own sense of self-preservation he’d honored the unspoken message to stay away until now. On the flight over, part of him was still fighting the imminent reunion while the other part of him couldn’t wait for it.
He’d stepped off the plane totally conflicted, but seeing her this afternoon brought a whole new set of feelings into the mix.
She no longer had that vivacious girl-next-door look that had been so appealing, she’d made the cover of every sporting magazine and had snared his brother. Their romance had captured the headlines for a long time. For him to have died so young, and leaving a wife and child behind, had taken its toll on everyone.
Remembering Philippe he said, “Why are you upset with your mother?”
“She made us come here. I want to go home.”
There was an unmistakable forlornness in his tone. “Doesn’t Breckenridge feel like home now?”
“No,” came the quiet answer. “My house is in Chamonix.”
So it was … For a six-year-old, Philippe had an intelligence and maturity beyond his years.
“Could I go home with you, Uncle Raoul?”
With that question, Raoul’s thoughts reeled. Since there were things he couldn’t discuss with his nephew until after he’d talked with Crystal, he pretended to misunderstand. “I’ve got a room at the Hotel Des Alpes down the road from your grandpa’s store. If your mother says it’s all right, you can sleep with me tonight.”
“Goody! I always wanted to stay there. It has real sleigh bells inside. Sometimes Mommy lets me go inside to shake them.”
He smiled because everything about Philippe was so endearing. “You like sleigh bells?”
“Yup. They’re like the ones in Grandpa’s storeroom. Remember when you took me and Albert for a sleigh ride?”
It surprised him Philippe remembered so much. Twelve months had passed since they’d left France, yet that memory had stood out. Was Crystal aware of her son’s deepest feelings? Or was she still in too much pain over losing Eric to feel anything these days?
Raoul had gone through the grieving period after Suzanne was killed, but he’d got past it. If they’d had a child together already, it might have taken longer if you saw the face of the person you’d loved every time you looked at your own child. But that hadn’t been the case.
“Tell me about school. What’s your teacher’s name?”
“Ms. Crabtree.”
“Do you like your teacher?”
“She’s all right, but she can’t speak French. Nobody speaks French here.”
He spoke in a voice that said he was bored with the idiocy of people, reminding Raoul of Eric when his brother brushed aside something he found irritating during a conversation. Raoul didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Being with Philippe made the memories fly fast and furiously.
“Your mommy speaks French.” When there was no comment he said, “Have you got a best friend yet?”
“Nope. Albert’s my best friend.” Albert was Philippe’s seven-year-old cousin.
“How come you haven’t made one here?”
“I just haven’t.” A sigh escaped.
That was no answer. There was a lot wrong with Philippe. “You have me.”
“But you live in Chamonix and Mommy won’t take me home.” His nephew’s tears weren’t far away.
“Have you asked her?”
“Yes. But she always cries when I do. My nana told me Mommy’s going to take me back when I’m older, but I want to go now. I wish I could live with you.”
Raoul’s eyes smarted. When he’d driven up here from Denver, he’d imagined he’d find an Americanized boy who’d forgotten his French and Raoul. He had to clear his throat. “Then your mother would feel bad.”
“I don’t care.”
“That’s not true,” he said gently.
“She’s mean.”
“I don’t believe it.”
“But she is. When I ask her if I can call you up, she says we have to wait till you call first because you’re too busy.”
Raoul bit down hard. “I’ll have a talk with her about that.” It was his fault. By trying to distance himself from Crystal, he’d gone too far. But that was because of his unbrotherly feelings for her that he’d been trying to fight—without success.
“She’ll get mad I told you.”
“Does she really get mad?”
After a pause Philippe said, “No, but she doesn’t smile.”
Once long ago Crystal’s beautiful smile had been her trademark. “We like our mothers to smile, don’t we?” No matter how much pain everyone is in.
Through the mirror he saw Philippe nod.
When Raoul had watched her jet take off for Colorado, he’d felt like a dark shield had dropped over him. He hadn’t been able to imagine himself smiling again. “Who do you play with at school?”
“Nobody.”
His heart lurched. “Tell me the truth now.”
Philippe’s little chin jutted out. “I am.”
“What do you think is the problem?”
“I heard a couple of the boys talking at recess. They said I’m a geek and have a stupid name.”
Just now Philippe sounded like the brother who’d grown up with Raoul. When Eric got upset, he became obstinate and defensive. It took a lot to pull him out of it. “I bet your teacher is impressed you speak two languages. Those boys are just jealous.”
“What does ‘jealous’ mean?”
“They wish they could be as smart as you. But since they only speak English, they’re mad and say mean things.”
“Oh.”
By the time they reached the mountain home made of wood and glass, Raoul realized his nephew had been living in pain. Unfortunately, the news Raoul had brought meant there was more ahead.
He stepped out of the car into a serious snowstorm and opened the back door for Philippe. “Come on. Let’s get you in the house.” He picked up his nephew and gave him another hug before carrying him up the front steps. On the way he saw Christmas lights twinkling in the window.
Crystal had opened the door for them. The scent of pine wafted past him. Her mother, Liz, flew across the foyer to greet him with a strong hug. On dozens of occasions when Crystal’s parents had come to Chamonix, he’d had the opportunity to spend time with the charming blond woman.
She invited him into the den, which was lined with family pictures, many of them showing Crystal winning ski races with her face rosy and glowing. Several showed her and Eric together, their arms around each other.
This was the first time Raoul had been to Breckenridge, let alone to Crystal’s family home. Though Chamonix and Breckenridge were an ocean apart, being here made him realize how similar their two families’ upbringings had been.
The room had been decked out for Christmas. Their tree with its many colored lights stood in front of the picture window just like the one at his parents’ home, except the decorations were different.
A few days ago he and his brother-in-law, Bernard, who ran an engineering firm for a petroleum business in Chamonix, had set up a Christmas tree for Raoul’s mother in the salon. They’d strung it with the traditional white lights. Vivige had organized their children to put on the ornaments. When Christmas Eve came, the wax candles in the tree’s candle holders would be lighted after they returned from Mass.
That is, if there was going to be a Christmas Eve this year not marred by more tragedy.
He removed his coat. “You have a beautiful home, Liz,” he said at last, gravitating to the warmth coming from the grate fire.
“Thank you. Please sit down and make yourself comfortable.”
After peeling off Philippe’s new coat, she asked her daughter to bring in the appetizers and drinks from the kitchen. “When Crystal called and told me you were on your way up to the house with Philippe, I phoned Todd. He’s thrilled you’ve come and he’s going to bring home pizza for us.”
“Goody! That’s my favorite.” Philippe’s eyes lit on Raoul. “Do you want to see my new computer game? It’s upstairs in my room.”
“Bien sûr.” He glanced at Crystal to get her permission. In the firelight her iridescent blue eyes looked haunted. “Is that all right?”
“Of course.” She’d shed her parka and sat on the end of the couch in jeans and a cherry-colored crewneck sweater. The mold of her curves was the same, but since the last time he’d seen her taking some painkiller while she was waiting for their flight to be called, she’d had her hair cut. Instead of trailing down her back, her hair swished against her shoulders from a side part.
There were other differences, too. As he got up from the chair to join Philippe, it dawned on him the high color he’d always associated with her complexion was missing. Once she’d become pregnant, she’d given up competition skiing. But looking at her right now, she couldn’t even have been doing much pleasure skiing these days. He wished to heaven he didn’t care.
CHAPTER TWO
AFTER DINNER, Philippe begged Raoul to go back upstairs again. Crystal remained behind in the den and talked with her parents in order to give her son private time with his uncle. No one was deceived that he’d come for any other reason than to bring news she didn’t want to hear. But she recognized that Raoul hadn’t let on anything so as not to alarm Philippe.
“Are you all right, honey?” her dad asked.
“Not really.” But it wasn’t something she could discuss with anyone. Once Philippe had actually eaten a whole piece of pizza, they’d disappeared and had been conspicuous by their absence. She checked her watch.
“It’s past Philippe’s bedtime.” She excused herself, gave her father a kiss and walked upstairs with pounding heart. On the way down the hall she heard her son whooping it up. The happy sounds were followed by his uncle’s deep laughter. Philippe had been morose for so long, it was a shock to hear and see him this animated.
When she entered his bedroom, she found him and Raoul having a game of checkers on his bed. His face was flushed with excitement because he was winning.
“I hate to break this up, but it’s time for bed, honey.”
To her surprise he scrambled right off the covers without having to be coaxed. “Uncle Raoul’s going to let me stay with him tonight.”
That was news to Crystal. She shook her head. “There’s a blizzard outside. I don’t want you going out in it.”
Raoul stayed on the bed without saying anything. She could feel his unsettling gaze focused on her.
Philippe pointed to the other bed. “Then he can sleep with me.”
Her son had it all worked out. If he didn’t get his way tonight, there was going to be a war, which in the end she wouldn’t win. Heaving a sigh she said, “Tell you what. Grab yourself some pajamas and take your bath. While you do that, I’ll talk to your uncle. Okay?”
“Okay. Don’t go anywhere, Uncle Raoul.”
“I’ll stay right here.”
“See you in a minute.”
Philippe pulled his green pajamas with dinosaurs from the dresser. On top of it sat Eric’s last framed gold medal won in the men’s downhill. Her bronze medal, won for the women’s downhill, had been framed and was propped next to it. All his other medals were back in Chamonix at his parents’ home. Crystal wanted it that way. The Broussards were so proud of their son. One day when Philippe was grown and had his own place for them, he would want them for himself.
The minute he’d dashed down the hall to the bathroom, she sank down on the other twin bed with her hands on either side to brace herself for whatever was coming. “This is the first chance we’ve had to talk alone. My parents and I are aware you’re here because of some kind of emergency.” She couldn’t prevent the tremor in her voice. “Tell me now before Philippe comes bursting back in the room.”
Raoul put the checkers in the box and got to his feet. His hard muscled physique dominated the room. “Papa came down with a cold two weeks ago that turned into the flu. It hung on and now he has pneumonia. He’s been hospitalized because his asthma flared up again after all these years and has complicated his condition. The doctor says if he doesn’t rally pretty soon, we could lose him by Christmas.”
Crystal’s cry resounded in the bedroom. “He can’t die, Raoul. He just can’t!” She jumped to her feet, hugging her arms to her waist. That was only nine days away. She loved her father-in-law—in fact, the whole family. So did Philippe.
“Mother believes it would do his spirits good if he were to see his grandson again. I agree it would be the best medicine and told her I’d come and talk to you about it in person.”
She averted her eyes, but couldn’t prevent the groan that escaped her throat.
“I’m not unaware you’re building a life for yourself here, Crystal. To fly back to France with Philippe would open up the wound again, but, for all our sakes, I’m asking you to do this. After we buried Eric, Papa worked harder than ever to stave off his grief, but now that he’s ill, he has too much time to think and remember.”
Crystal could relate. All she’d done was think and remember. Jules—Raoul’s father—was still mourning Suzanne’s death, too. All of them had loved her. Two deaths in one family were simply too much. No one understood that better than Crystal.
“I’m so sorry about Jules. This has to be agonizing for everyone.” Especially this soon after Eric. When Raoul didn’t say anything, she eyed him again. “I’m afraid this is hardest on you. With your father in the hospital, you have the whole weight of the family business on your shoulders.”
“Sometimes more work is a blessing.” He darted her a probing glance “Haven’t you found that’s true, too?”
“Yes,” she murmured before looking away guiltily. While Philippe was at school, she’d put in all kinds of extra hours dealing with stock in the back room of her father’s store so she wouldn’t think. If she hadn’t let Eric’s indifference cause her to lose her own identity as a skiing champion, she could be in an entirely different place right now.
Raoul’s unexpected arrival had exposed her deepest concerns and feelings on that score. He made her realize she needed to do something about herself, but for the immediate moment her thoughts were focused on Jules and what would help him most to recover.
“Are your passports still current? Otherwise I’ll request an emergency visa.” He took her capitulation as a fait accompli.
This was one time she had to give in and go. She wanted to, despite all her fears. “That won’t be necessary. Ours are good for another two years.”
“Bon. Then we’ll fly back tomorrow.”
Her thoughts reeled. It meant being with him again, talking to him during the long flight. Obviously the adage of out of sight, out of mind hadn’t worked in her case. She was too thrilled to see him again and had to admit it.
“I took the liberty of making a reservation for the two of you in case you were willing to come.” Raoul was a brilliant man who never left anything to chance. “I wouldn’t worry about Philippe missing school,” he said when she didn’t respond. “After what he told me on the way here in the car, I think a trip home to Chamonix is the medicine he needs, too.”
Home to Chamonix. Those words shook her to the depths. Her breath caught.
“Wh-what did he tell you?” she stammered.
A grimace marred Raoul’s features. “What didn’t he tell me? But he’s out in the hall now, which doesn’t give me time to go over the list.”
No sooner had he spoken than Philippe came bouncing back in the room. Raoul’s hearing had to be more acute than hers because she hadn’t heard anything except the loud thud of her own heart.
Philippe stared at both of them. “Can he stay with us tonight?”
The pleading look in those blue eyes combined with the palpable tension coming from Raoul was too much to take. It hurt her that Philippe had felt comfortable enough to tell Raoul things she hadn’t been able to get out of him. But that was the possessive mother in her talking, and this situation with Philippe was about him, not her.
She moistened her lips nervously, aware of Raoul’s piercing glance. “I have a better idea, honey. Your uncle’s things are back at the hotel. After flying all this way, he needs a good sleep in a big bed.” Before her son had time for a fresh meltdown she added, “And we need time to get our things packed.”
The tears filling his eyes stopped short of dripping down his cheeks. “Where are we going?”
Crystal smoothed her hands over her hips in an unconscious gesture. “I’ll let your uncle tell you.” Above all else, she trusted his discretion.
Raoul got down on his haunches in front of Philippe. “Your grand-père isn’t feeling very well right now, and he’s missing his petit-fils. So I told him I would fly to Colorado and bring you and your mommy back with me. When he sees you, I have an idea he’ll get better in a big hurry. How does that sound?”
She knew how it sounded to Philippe. The only sounds in the room came from his happy sobs as he launched himself into Raoul’s arms. They were such deep sobs, it pained her to think of the damage she’d unwittingly done by staying away from Chamonix so long.
Needing to channel her energy, she went to the closet and pulled down the suitcase she’d stored on one of the shelves. Her eye caught sight of his little striped robe hanging on a hanger. He’d outgrown it, too, but she hadn’t thrown away any of the clothes they’d brought with them. She couldn’t. Suddenly her emotions erupted and she buried her face in the toweling.
“Crystal?”
She quickly wiped off the moisture before turning around. Raoul stood in the doorway to the closet. There wasn’t enough distance separating them for her to breathe normally. His eyes studied her, but she couldn’t read their expression. “I sent Philippe downstairs to tell your parents.”
Another necessary distraction for her son. Raoul had a way with Philippe. While she stood there trying to gather her wits, he picked up the suitcase and moved it to one of the beds. She followed, watching as his fingers smoothed the Chamonix sticker pasted on the outside lid.
It brought back a memory of Raoul buying the sticker at the airport. He’d put it on Philippe’s suitcase. “This is so you won’t forget me.” He’d kissed his nephew, who’d been in tears. His finger motion just now conveyed the feelings of that painful day more powerfully than any words could do. It sent a tremor through her body. She’d never forgotten Raoul. That would be impossible.
“What time is check-in at the airport in the morning?”
Her question seemed to jar him from his thoughts. He lifted his dark head. “Eight o’clock.”
“With this storm, we’ll have to leave Breckenridge by five to make it.”
Through his dark lashes he flashed her a shuttered glance. “I’ll be here. We can eat breakfast at the airport while we’re waiting to board our flight.”
She nodded and opened the suitcase. “We’ll be ready.”
Philippe came running back in the room. “Nana and Grandpa said they’re going to miss me, but I told them Grand-père is sick and missed me, too.” He looked up at Raoul with a soulful expression. “Do you have to leave now?”
“Don’t worry.” He swept Philippe up in his arms once more. “We’ll see each other first thing in the morning. Right now you need to mind your mother and go to sleep because it’ll be a long flight to Geneva tomorrow.”
“That’s not Chamonix.”
Raoul chuckled. “No. Geneva’s in Switzerland. We’ll pick up my car at the airport and drive home.”
“Will it take a long time?”
“Only about an hour.”
Philippe looked at Crystal. “Will we go to our house?”
The house he was referring to had actually been a condo she and Eric had rented. At one time she’d assumed they would buy a house of their own, but as problems arose in their marriage no one knew about and still didn’t, they’d kept putting it off.
“Someone else lives there now,” she replied quietly. He needed to know the truth up front so there’d be one less expectation when they got there.
“That’s okay. We’ll stay with Uncle Raoul.”
“No, Philippe—” Crystal blurted. No … “H-he has a girlfriend,” she said, her voice faltering.
“You do?”
Something flickered in the depths of Raoul’s eyes. “But she doesn’t live with me, mon gars, and there’s nothing I’d love more than to have you sleep at my house,” he inserted in a smooth tone without looking at her.
“We’ll be staying at your grandparents’, honey.”
“That’s right. Your grand-mère has your dad’s old room all ready for you and your mother. She can’t wait to spoil you. Come on and walk me downstairs.”
Philippe grabbed his hand and the two of them headed out of the room. The fact that Raoul didn’t deny the existence of a girlfriend verified Vivige’s information. It should have come as a relief. But as Crystal followed them, she felt a whole new nightmare beginning.
Geneva was one of Europe’s main hubs. After disembarking, they wove their way through the crowds to the parking area. Crystal watched Raoul stow the last of their bags in the trunk of his car before getting behind the wheel. Philippe had already climbed in the back and strapped himself in. The sleek black vehicle was a recent acquisition, but Raoul had never been a sports car fan like his brother. As far as she was concerned, this sedan was the ultimate in comfort and luxury.