The Devaney Brothers: Michael and Patrick: Michael's Discovery

5

The memory of that soul-searing kiss kept Michael awake most of the night. It had taken him totally by surprise on so many levels, his mind was still reeling.

Even after Bryan’s warning, he hadn’t actually expected Kelly to make a move on him. A part of him still thought of her as Bryan’s kid sister. That she had impulsively and thoroughly out-of-the-blue locked lips with him had shocked him right down to his toes. That wasn’t some kid’s move. It was the act of a woman willing to take what she wanted.

That he had responded, that he had all but devoured her right there in the middle of his brother’s pub in front of a whole slew of witnesses—including her disapproving brother—had been almost as shocking. Maybe that head injury he’d dismissed had left his brain more addled than he’d realized.

He’d admitted to Kelly that part of the blame was his. He had—albeit unintentionally—pretty much challenged her to kiss him. What red-blooded, healthy, spirited woman wouldn’t have reacted exactly as Kelly had? That didn’t make it right. It certainly didn’t make it smart. And it most definitely didn’t make it something that could be allowed to happen again.

Unfortunately, short of firing her, he wasn’t entirely clear on how he was going to guarantee that there wouldn’t be a repeat, especially now that they both knew exactly the kind of fireworks they’d be avoiding. Most men—and even a few women—would not willingly turn their backs on that kind of instantaneous combustion, no matter how dangerous.

Michael muttered a sharp oath under his breath. Why hadn’t he seen that kiss coming? He could have deflected it, laughed off the incident and gotten a decent night’s sleep. Instead, he’d tossed and turned, his body half-aroused by lingering memories of the way Kelly’s mouth had felt on his. Here it was nearly eight in the morning and he was as stirred up as he had been within seconds after she’d dragged her lips away from his. Worst of all, there wasn’t even enough time for him to haul himself into an ice-cold shower before Kelly arrived for their Saturday morning session.

Well, there was only one thing to do, he finally concluded. He had to face the whole situation squarely and give Kelly the option of quitting or sticking around under a stringent set of hands-off guidelines.

There was just one tiny little flaw in that plan. Massages were part of the therapy. He’d discovered already that there were a dozen different reasons why it was necessary for her to touch him. Trying to ban all contact between them was pretty much self-defeating in terms of his recovery. Not banning it was dangerous for entirely different reasons.

Michael thought of the thousand and one dangerous situations in which he’d found himself during his years as a SEAL. How could he possibly let one sexy little therapist scare him out of doing what needed to be done? He couldn’t, not if he ever expected to look at himself in the mirror again.

Bring her on, he thought with renewed determination. Let her tempt him. He would be strong. He would resist. He would concentrate on the reason she was in his life...to make him whole again, to get him back on his feet. He would pretend she looked like a frog and had the skin of an alligator.

He choked on the image. Maybe he should forget about trying to deceive himself into thinking she wasn’t attractive and concentrate on developing the willpower of a saint.

* * *

“You did what?” Kelly’s boss at the rehab clinic asked incredulously when Kelly stopped by with coffee and blueberry muffins on her way to Michael’s on Saturday morning.

The coffee and treats were a Saturday ritual. The stunned expression on Moira’s face was a rarity. So was the hard look that followed. Kelly found herself wincing under that intense, disapproving scrutiny.

“Tell me again,” Moira commanded. “I can’t believe I heard you right the first time.”

“I kissed Michael,” Kelly repeated. “I flat out, on the lips, kissed him.” Her chin shot up in a display of defiance. “And I would do it again, if I got the chance.”

That said, her belligerence wilted. “Not that I’m ever likely to have another chance,” she said. “He’ll probably fire me when I walk in there this morning.”

“He should,” Moira said without the slightest trace of sympathy. “Of all the unprofessional, self-defeating things you could have done—”

Kelly cut her off. The lecture wasn’t really unexpected, but it was unnecessary. “You’re not telling me anything I haven’t already told myself a thousand times since last night. What do I do now?”

“Go over there and face the music,” Moira said. “And don’t be surprised if it’s a funeral dirge.”

“That’s what I love about you, Moira. You always paint such a rosy picture of things,” Kelly said wryly.

“What did you expect?”

“I suppose I was hoping you’d mix a tiny bit of compassion in with the lecture,” she admitted. “Imagine that this was a guy you’d had the hots for during most of your adult life. Wouldn’t you have done exactly what I did, given the chance?”

“You weren’t exactly given the chance,” Moira reminded her. “You stole it.”

“A technicality,” Kelly insisted. “Remember, he did kiss me back.”

“Which only proves he’s a red-blooded male.”

“You don’t intend to give an inch on this, do you?” Kelly asked wearily.

“And let you off the hook? No way.” Moira’s disapproving frown did lift ever so slightly, though. She leaned forward and subjected Kelly to a thorough survey. “Judging from the pink in your cheeks and the sparkle in your eyes, the kiss must have been worth putting your professional reputation on the line.”

Kelly sighed. “Oh, yes,” she confided dreamily. “That kiss was everything I ever dreamed of, and then some. I can only imagine what kissing him would be like if his heart was really in it.”

“Probably best not to go there,” Moira said. “You might be tempted to try it again.”

“Oh, I suspect I will be,” Kelly admitted. Before her friend could react to that, she squared her shoulders with renewed resolve. “But the next time, I’m going to resist. I’m going to remind myself that I am not in Michael’s life as a woman, but as a therapist. That I have a job to do, and I won’t be able to do it if there’s all that kissing going on.”

“Great logic,” Moira said, laughing. “Tell me again why you were at the pub.”

“So we could get to know each other better.”

“Well, kissing would definitely accomplish that,” Moira noted.

“Actually, it was all about gaining his trust,” Kelly corrected. “I don’t think the kissing accomplished that. If anything, it probably did the exact opposite. He’s probably terrified to be alone in a room with me for fear I’ll find some new way to test his code of honor.”

“Could be,” Moira confirmed. “I guess you’ll find that out when you get over there.”

Kelly sighed. “And there’s no point in putting that off, is there? Wish me luck.”

“Always,” her friend said, her expression sobering. “I just wish I knew if you wanted luck on the professional front or the personal.”

“That is the heart of the dilemma, isn’t it?” Kelly said as she left Moira’s office to make the drive to Michael’s.

Until she heard him call out in response to her ringing of the bell, she wasn’t sure she would even find him at home. Apparently he was less cowardly about this meeting than she was. She wanted to turn and run.

She didn’t, though. She walked into the apartment with her head held high and a plan forming in the back of her mind for keeping Michael as a client despite her behavior the night before. One look at him had all of that flying right out of her mind.

“What happened? Are you sick?” she demanded, taking in his ashen complexion, unshaved cheeks and still-mussed hair.

“No sleep,” he said tersely. “I finally gave up about twenty minutes ago. I haven’t even had my first cup of coffee.”

Her heart skipped a heat. “Why were you having trouble sleeping?”

“Do you even need to ask?” he asked, his expression daunting.

Kelly winced at his harsh tone. “The unfortunate kiss,” she said.

“The unfortunate, never-to-be-repeated kiss,” he confirmed, then almost immediately scowled at her. “There you go again.”

She stared at him in confusion. “What?”

“What I said before, it was not a challenge.”

“Of course not,” Kelly agreed at once, though she had to admit a tiny part of her had reared up in defiance of that never-to-be-repeated edict.

“Then why did you get that same glint in your eyes that you got last night right before you kissed the daylights out of me?” he asked.

Kelly stared at him. “A glint? Really?”

“Don’t give me that innocent look. If I’m going to have to watch every word out of my mouth around you, this is never going to work. I can’t have you thinking that everything I say is some sort of challenge or invitation or something.”

Kelly seized on the fact that he apparently hadn’t decided to fire her outright. “I’ll behave myself. I promise. What happened last night was a fluke. I swear to you that I am not in the habit of throwing myself at my clients.”

“Good to know,” he said, his mood lightening ever so slightly. “How did you happen to make an exception in my case?”

“Like I said, it was a fluke. I must have had too much to drink.”

“One ale that you nursed all night?” he asked skeptically.

Kelly shrugged. “I’m not a big drinker.”

A grin tugged at his lips. “Also very good to know. I guess it wouldn’t be wise to invite you over for beers and basketball.”

“I don’t think the basketball would be a problem,” she said thoughtfully, then winced as his grin spread. “Sorry. You were teasing.”

“Just a little,” he conceded.

“Michael, I really am sorry. What I did was inappropriate and unprofessional, and I assure you that it won’t happen again. I hope you’ll give me another chance.” She drew in a deep breath, then dove into her planned speech. “In fact, I was thinking that we could move the sessions to the rehab center where I work part-time, if that would make you feel more comfortable. There would be other patients, other therapists around. We’d never be alone.” She’d figured that alone would sell him on the idea, but just in case it wasn’t enough, she added, “And there is equipment there that would be helpful.”

His frown deepened as she spoke. “Forget the center. I don’t want to work with a lot of people staring at me. We can go on working right here.”

“But the equipment there really would be helpful. At some point you’ll need to go there, anyway.”

“When that time comes, we’ll discuss it,” he said flatly, clearly refusing to give the idea any more consideration. “Not until then. As for avoiding a repeat of what happened last night, I told you then that part of the blame is mine. I take full responsibility for my part in it, and you’ve apologized for yours. That’s sufficient. We’ll just forget about this and make sure it never happens again. There’s no point in denying that there’s some sort of attraction going on here, but we’re both adults. We can deal with it and keep ourselves from acting on it.” He met her gaze. “Deal?”

“Deal,” she agreed eagerly, so overcome with relief that she wanted to hug him, but wisely managed to resist. Instead, she injected a brisk note in her voice and said, “Now, why don’t I make some coffee and we can get started?”

“The coffee can wait,” Michael said. “We’ve already wasted too much of this session. I want you to give me a real workout today, and in case there’s any doubt in your mind, that is a challenge, and I expect you to take me up on it.”

Kelly nodded. She didn’t even try to hide her relief that he was giving her a second chance. And if the only thing he wanted from her was a grueling schedule of therapy, she would bury the memory of just how good that kiss had been and accommodate him.

At least for now.

* * *

The increasingly demanding exercises were excruciatingly painful. Sweat was beading on Michael’s brow, but Kelly had asked for ten more repetitions and, by God, he was going to give her ten. A SEAL never quit. Sometimes, in the weeks and months following his injury, he’d had a hard time remembering that. For a few weeks in San Diego, the news had been relentlessly discouraging. Eventually he’d taken it to heart and resigned himself to his sedentary fate.

But ever since the morning after that unforgettable kiss, Kelly had flatly refused to let him sink for one single second into a morass of self-pity. Whenever he muttered about all this effort being a waste of time, she sent him a chiding look and demanded even more from him. In the last couple of weeks, he’d learned to keep his mouth shut and do whatever she asked without protest.

The two hours she spent with him three days a week flew by. And after she left, it took him hours to recover from pushing himself to the limit, but he would not allow himself to quit.

She thought he was making excellent progress. He disagreed, but kept his opinion to himself. If he so much as hinted that he was discouraged, he was afraid that one of these days she would stop responding with extra work and simply walk out the door. If she did that, she would take his only hope with her.

Besides, aside from the rigors of her therapy, he enjoyed spending time with her. He liked the way she got in his face, refusing to back down. He liked even more the faint feminine scent she wore. He was beginning to remember just how much he liked having a woman in his life. Not one special woman, just someone to flirt with, maybe dance with, make love to.

He sighed, then realized that Kelly was staring at him with a puzzled expression.

“Where did you go just then?” she asked. “You stopped right in the middle of the eighth leg lift.”

“Sorry. I guess my mind wandered.”

“Really?”

“It happens,” he said gruffly.

“Of course it does, but you’re usually so focused.”

He reached for a towel and wiped his face. “Well, today I’m not. Sue me.”

There was no mistaking the hurt in Kelly’s eyes. It wrenched Michael’s heart. He honestly couldn’t blame her for being on the brink of tears. His mind had wandered down a forbidden path and now he was unreasonably taking it out on her. Why was it that he could look into the eyes of soulless terrorists and remain completely unmoved, but one glance into Kelly’s soft gray eyes and he was lost?

“Sorry,” he said, apologizing yet again for his thoughtless behavior.

“Why don’t we quit for the day?” she suggested, her tone neutral. “You’ve been working too hard for the past couple of weeks. You could use a break.”

Michael was smart enough to acknowledge that she was right. He had been overexerting himself and his muscles were complaining. The last thing he needed was a tear or some other injury that would put his rehabilitation on hold. Nor did he need to risk offending Kelly any more than he had already.

“I’ll tell you what,” he said, trying to make amends. “I need to go see someone today. If you have time to give me a lift over there, I’ll buy you lunch on the way.”

Kelly seemed so taken aback by the suggestion, he couldn’t help chuckling. “I’m not scared to be alone in a car with you,” he teased. “Or in a restaurant. You’ve been on very good behavior lately. I think I can let down my guard for a couple of hours.”

She gave him a rueful smile. “You have no idea how stressful it’s been,” she responded.

Michael had the distinct impression that she wasn’t actually joking. He could understand exactly where she was coming from. Despite his overwhelming relief that they’d been adhering to the ground rules about no intimate contact, the strain of it was telling on him, too. Maybe that was one more reason why he’d suggested lunch. He figured they both deserved a reward for their incredible restraint.

“Probably best not to go down that road,” he told her. “Not when we’ve been doing so well.”

An expression of what might have been disappointment flashed in her eyes, but then she regained her composure.

“So where are you going that you’re willing to risk spending time alone in a car with me? It must be important.”

He nodded slowly. “It is. I’m going to stop by to see the Havilceks.”

“Your family,” she said at once, her expression brightening. “I met your mother a few times when we were kids. I guess she was actually your foster mother, though, right?”

He nodded. “I didn’t think of her that way, not for long, anyway. She wouldn’t allow it. She said that even if she couldn’t adopt me, she intended to be my mother. No boy could have had a better one.”

“Then why have you waited so long to get in touch with her since you got back to Boston?” she asked. “I still don’t understand that.”

“Self-protection,” he admitted candidly. “She’s the kind of woman who assesses a situation, then takes over. It doesn’t matter to her that I’ve been a grown man for a long time and that I’ve handled extraordinary responsibilities with the Navy, I’m still her baby.”

“Hard to picture anyone thinking of you that way,” Kelly said, surveying him with blatant appreciation. “Then again, that’s exactly how my folks treat Bryan and me. It would probably help if Bryan and I moved into our own places, but it’s been so comfortable living at home, neither of us have bothered. Hovering and worrying is probably just a universal parental trait.”

“That doesn’t make it any less annoying, especially in a situation like this,” Michael said.

“No, it certainly doesn’t.” Kelly regarded him with undisguised curiosity. “Do you remember your real...” She immediately stopped and corrected herself, “I mean, your biological mother at all?”

Michael had thought about that very question a lot over the years, even more so since Ryan and Sean had found him in San Diego. They both had such vivid memories of their mother, but Michael’s were all hazy. When Mother’s Day rolled around, it was Doris Havilcek—with her sweet smile, graying hair, sharp intelligence and steely resolve—whose image filled his head. Kathleen Devaney was a name on his birth certificate, nothing more. She stirred no sentimental feelings in him at all.

“Not really,” he told Kelly. “I don’t have the same kind of anger about her and my dad that Ryan and Sean feel, either. Maybe if I’d been a little older or if I’d wound up in a different situation the way they did, I’d hate them, too, but basically when it comes to my biological parents, I feel nothing at all.”

Sorrow spread across Kelly’s expressive face. “Aren’t you even the least bit curious about them? I know I would be. I’d want to know what they’re like, why they did what they did, where they are now.”

“Why bother?” he said cynically. “There are no good explanations for any of it. If it were up to me, Ryan would give up searching for them, but he’s determined to finish what he started. Sean has some reservations, but in general, I think he’s backing him up. I think one reason they’re so determined to find our parents is to find out what happened to the twins. For all we know, they were abandoned along the way, too, when it got to be too inconvenient to keep them around.”

“Twins?” Kelly repeated incredulously. “There were more of you?”

He nodded. “Twin brothers, Patrick and Daniel. They were only two when we were all split up. Ryan seems convinced our parents took them when they left.” He tried to dismiss the little twinge of dismay that stirred in him, but he wasn’t entirely successful. If it was true, it made the whole mess even more despicable.

He met Kelly’s gaze. “If you ask me, Ryan’s going to be opening up a whole lot of emotional garbage by tracking them down. If they did have all those years with our parents, how the hell are they supposed to react when three older brothers come charging back into their lives? And I doubt if either Ryan or Sean can claim to be entirely indifferent to the fact that our parents chose to keep Patrick and Daniel while dumping the rest of us into foster care.”

“But it could be wonderful to be reunited,” Kelly insisted.

“Maybe in an ideal world,” Michael said. “But something tells me it’s not going to be a picture-perfect moment, not for anyone.”

He shrugged off his dread of that day and forced a smile. “Have you actually agreed to my invitation yet?”

She laughed. “Probably not, but if you think I’d miss the chance to see you reunited with your mom, you’re crazy. Of course I’ll take you, and lunch will be great.”

“You won’t mind pushing me around in this chair?” he asked, even though the real question was how he was going to feel letting her do it. He had a hunch she’d be more comfortable in the situation than he was likely to be.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she said, confirming his guess. “But you might want to change first. Otherwise the restaurant’s likely to make us eat outside, even though the temperature’s in the teens today.”

Michael glanced at his sweaty workout clothes and feigned indignation. “You think I need to improve on this?”

“Oh, yeah,” she said fervently. “Not that I haven’t always been rather fond of a truly male scent, but everyone’s not like me.”

“Maybe you should come back in a half hour,” he suggested.

She frowned at him. “Make it an hour. I could use a little sprucing up myself. Will that still give us enough time for lunch before you’re due at the Havilceks’?”

“Sure,” he said, unwilling to admit that he hadn’t exactly warned them that he was coming by. He hadn’t wanted to give his mother time to work up a good head of steam about his failure to get in touch the second he hit town. He was hoping the surprise of finding him on her doorstep would take the edge off of her annoyance.