After Tex

Her bright green eyes shimmered with tears, reminding him of another little girl, another time. Tess’s lower lip trembled, but that O’Rourke chin jutted defiantly.

“Fat lot of good that does me now,” she declared. “He’s dead and I ain’t staying here with her.” She nodded toward the door to indicate the absent Megan, no doubt.

“I will be here, too,” Mrs. Gomez promised. “We will all get along just fine.”

“And I’ll be around,” Jake added.

“Over my dead body,” Megan retorted, striding into the room and heading straight for Mrs. Gomez, who opened her arms wide to embrace her.

“Ah, niña, it is good to have you home, but not so good that it is under these circumstances,” the housekeeper said. She tucked a finger under Megan’s chin and looked her in the eye. “You are holding up okay? Shall I fix you some tea? I have all of your favorites—raspberry, orange spice, whatever you like.”

Jake detected a hint of puffiness under Megan’s eyes and guessed she’d indulged in a good cry upstairs, where it could be done without witnesses. That had always been her way, ingrained in her by Tex, no doubt. Tex had been critical of emotional displays. Jake had seen Meggie swallow back tears no matter how much pain she might have been in, physical or emotional.

“I’m fine,” Megan insisted. Like Jake, she reached for a cookie and bit into it, oblivious to Tess’s expression of disgust.

“Geez-oh-flip, does everybody get to break rules around this place but me?” Tess demanded, scraping her chair away from the table. She shoved open the back door and disappeared into the gathering darkness.

“She does not have her coat,” Mrs. Gomez said worriedly, moving toward the hook by the door where the red, down-filled jacket hung. “It is too cold for her to be outside.”

“I’ll go,” Jake said, his hand on her shoulder. “You stay here with Megan.”

Glad of an excuse to escape the restlessness that seeing Meggie stirred in him, he grabbed Tess’s coat from the hook and flipped on an outdoor light as he went out. He spotted the child racing toward the barn, ducking into shadows. He suspected the new litter of kittens he’d heard about was at least part of the reason for her destination.

Sure enough, he found her kneeling beside a box that had been lined with an old flannel shirt, one of Tex’s favorites, if Jake wasn’t mistaken. He wondered if it had been confiscated for this particular duty before or after his death. Jake grinned at the sight of orange-and-white balls of fluff tumbling around inside the box, scrambling to get to their mama’s milk.

“They’re getting big,” he observed, hunkering down beside Tess. “Do you have a favorite?”

“Not really,” she said, but her gaze was fixed on the runt of the litter, who couldn’t seem to squeeze in to feed.

Jake reached down, picked the littlest kitten up and made room for it. “Looks like this one needs some extra attention,” he said, thinking it was a lot like Tess herself. Megan, too, though she would have hated the comparison.

“I suppose.”

“Maybe you should consider adopting it and taking it inside. It’s big enough now, especially if you bottle-fed it for a couple of weeks.”

“I can’t,” she said, though her expression was wistful.

“How come?”

“Tex said.”

“Did he say why?”

“He said he wasn’t having some damned cat bringing in fleas and tearing up the furniture.”

Jake held back a grin. He had a hunch she’d nailed the old man’s exact words. “You know what I think?”

“What?”

“That if Tex could see how lonely you’ve been feeling the last day or so, he’d change his mind.”

Her face brightened. “Do you think so?”

“I know so,” Jake insisted, because there wasn’t a chance in hell the old man could contradict him. Tess needed something weaker and needier to tend to right now. He doubted Mrs. Gomez would have any objections. He knew for a fact there were cats crawling all over her own house. She took in every stray that ever came to the door, him included. On more than one occasion, she’d been the one he’d run to when he couldn’t bear one more night in the same house with his mother and her “gentlemen callers.”

He glanced up from the kittens and caught Tess studying him intently.

“Can I ask you something?” she asked.

“Of course.”

“Is she going to keep me?”

“You mean Megan?”

Tess nodded, her expression bleak. “I don’t think she likes me much.”

“You just took her by surprise, that’s all. No one had told her about you.”

“Well, having her come busting in here like she owns the place ain’t no picnic for me, either.”

“She does own the place,” Jake pointed out gently.

“Then how come she doesn’t live here?”

“Because she’s got a job in New York.”

“That TV show,” Tess said, feigning disinterest despite the spark of fascination that lit her eyes. “Tex used to watch it sometimes. He didn’t think I knew that, but I did. Sometimes I’d hide out in his office behind that big old chair of his. Right after dinner, he’d come in there, put in the tape and watch, muttering to himself.”

“Ever hear what he said?”

“That it was damned fool nonsense,” she quoted, probably precisely. “You know what I think, though?”

“What?”

“That he was real proud of her. He never looked at me the way he looked at that show of hers.” Her lower lip trembled. “I don’t think he gave a damn about me at all.”

Ignoring the substance of the remark for the moment, he chided, “You know, kiddo, you really do need to clean up your language. Ladies don’t swear half as much as you do.”

“Maybe I don’t want to be no lady.”

Jake grinned at the defiance. “What do you want to be?”

Her expression brightened. “A rancher, just like Tex,” she said decisively. “Then I could boss people around and make lots of money and ride horses.” She met Jake’s gaze. “He was teaching me to ride. Did you know that? That’s when it happened. He fell right down on the ground. I screamed and screamed for somebody to come, but it took forever. I didn’t know what to do. I’ve seen that CPR stuff on TV, but I didn’t know how to do it. Not the right way, anyway. I tried and tried, but nothing helped.”

Sobs shook her shoulders. “I didn’t mean for him to die,” she whispered brokenly, launching herself at Jake. Her skinny little arms wound so tightly around his neck that he could scarcely breathe. “Sometimes I said I hated him and sometimes I said I wished he were dead, but I never meant it. Never.”

“Oh, baby, I know that,” Jake soothed, feeling totally out of his depth. “Tex was sick. It wasn’t your fault.”

“But if I hadn’t come, maybe he wouldn’t have gotten sick.”

“No. That’s not the way it works. He’d been sick for a while. He told me that himself. His heart just gave up. It could have happened anytime. I promise you, you had nothing to do with it.”

Slowly Tess’s sobs subsided. She sniffed, accepted Jake’s handkerchief and blew her nose. She blinked away the last of the tears and regarded him evenly. “I got an idea.”

“What’s that?”

“I’m thinking I should come and live with you.”

Jake realized he had walked right smack into that one. He’d made it a point to spend time with Tess the past couple of weeks, anticipating what might happen, knowing the kid would need a friend until she adjusted to all the upheaval.

Not that seeing Tess had been any sacrifice. She was bright and funny, and she did have a mouth on her. She didn’t like him, didn’t trust him and had no qualms about telling him just that. Jake had overlooked it all and stayed the course. The fact that she was willing to turn to him now proved he’d done the right thing. With persistence, he’d slipped past her defenses. It was critical to tred carefully.

He took her hands in his and kept his gaze on her face. “Honey, you know that’s not possible. I explained it to you before. Tex named Megan your legal guardian in case anything happened to him.”

“But she doesn’t want me,” Tess said, wrenching herself free. Hands on hips, she faced him. “You know she doesn’t. I’ll mess up her life.”

“It’s going to take a little time for her to get used to the idea, just the way it took time for you to get used to being here with Tex. Everybody’s real upset about Tex right now. I told you before, I’ll be around. You can come to me with any problem, but you can’t live with me.”

“Then I’ll go find my mom.”

Jake had anticipated that sooner or later that thought would occur to her. Rather than squashing the notion outright, he asked quietly, “Any idea where she is?”

“No, but I can find her. I’ll just ask a lot of questions till somebody tells me. She’s probably back in Laramie. That’s where we lived before she brought me here.”

Jake knew better. He’d searched Laramie for some trace of Tess’s mother himself. “Honey, she’s probably moved on.”

“I can find her. I know it.”

“Tell me something,” Jake said. “Do you study geography in school?”

“Sure.”

“Then you know it’s a big country. Your mom could be anywhere.”

She stared at him, then. A look of utter defeat crossed her face. “It could take forever, then, couldn’t it?”

“I’m afraid so.”

“It’s not fair,” she whispered. “Nothing’s fair.”

“No,” he said gently. “There’s nothing fair about losing your dad almost before you really got a chance to know him. There’s nothing fair about your mama running out on you. But it is going to work out, Tess. I swear to you. Megan’s got a good heart. You’ll get along well enough.”

“You can’t make her care about me,” she said, with the weary resignation of someone who’d learned too early that love was never a guarantee, not even from a parent.

“I can’t make her, no, but she will, honey. I know she will.” If he had to hog-tie her and explain a few facts of life, Megan O’Rourke would do right by this child. Just as Tex had predicted, Jake would enjoy every single minute of seeing to it.

If it had been up to Megan, Tex’s funeral would have been private. It was Jake who handed her a letter with Tex’s wishes spelled out. He wanted something lavish, even though he hadn’t set foot inside of a church in years.

“The service isn’t for me. I’ll already be wherever I’m heading,” he’d written. “It’s for you, Megan. I want you to be surrounded by the steady, solid folks around here. Maybe it’ll help you to remember what it’s like to have friends who can share your grief, who’ll be there for you and expect nothing in return. Seems to me like you’ve accumulated enough of the other kind in New York.”

She sighed at his words. Leave it to Tex to take a dig at her life-style while laying out his own funeral arrangements. She forced herself to read on.

“After all the hoopla’s over, bury me quietly on that rise overlooking the creek,” he’d instructed. “I’ve already made arrangements for my tombstone. It’s nothing fancy, so don’t you go adding any flowery sentiments to it. Plain and simple will do me just fine.”

When she’d finished reading, she folded the letter precisely and tucked it back into the plain white envelope with her name scrawled across the front in Tex’s careless script.

“I suppose you know what it says,” she said to Jake, irritated that he’d been taken into her grandfather’s confidence when she had not.

“The gist of it,” he agreed. “Obviously, the details are up to you, but he made his feelings known.”

“And, of course, I’ll do as he asked,” she said wearily.

Jake studied her intently. “About everything?”

“You’re talking about Tess, aren’t you?”

“Of course.”

“Jake, I can’t think about that now. I really can’t. I’m feeling…” Her voice trailed off and she held up her hands in a rare gesture of helplessness.

“Lost? Overwhelmed? Angry?” he supplied.

She caught herself wanting to smile at the litany, which was eerily accurate, reminiscent of a time when Jake had read her mind with ease. “Pretty much,” she admitted.

“Some of this you’ll have to handle yourself, but in terms of the funeral, if you’re agreeable to what Tex wanted, you can sit back and leave the rest to me,” Jake offered. “I’ll make the arrangements for the service and the burial.”

She balked at letting him take on that task. Duty came to mind again. “It’s my responsibility.”

He shook his head and grinned. “Ah, Meggie, you never did know when to let go, did you? I’m surprised you haven’t gone up in flames with all that’s on your plate in New York. Do you trust anyone to handle even the tiniest detail?”

She thought of Todd and his incredible efficiency. “Of course,” she snapped.

Jake’s steady gaze was skeptical. “Really?”

Okay, she admitted to herself, the truth was that not much got past without her final approval. Her staff sometimes chafed at the lack of faith, but she reminded them repeatedly that it was her name on the magazine, her image on the television screen, her reputation on the line. Admitting any of that to Jake, though, was not an option.

“It’s a funeral, not a presidential inauguration. I can handle it,” she informed him. “I’ll be sure and call your office when the time is set.”

He grinned and settled back in the easy chair opposite her—Tex’s chair, the leather one that was oversize to fit a big man. Jake looked as at home in it as Tex ever had. The relief she felt at Jake’s being there unnerved her. The house was too empty without Tex. She accepted the fact that it would have felt that way even if it had been crowded with people. She told herself that a cattle thief was a poor substitute for the honorable man her grandfather had been, but she was a little too grateful for the company just the same. That made it all the more important to see that he left.

“Didn’t you hear what I said?” she asked testily.

“You trying to get rid of me, Meggie?”

“I was hoping to, yes,” she said bluntly. “I’m tired, Jake. It’s been a long, grueling day.”

“I’m sure it has been,” he agreed. “But there are matters we have to discuss.”

“Tonight?”

“I think so.”

“Such as?”

“Tess.”

Her head pounded just thinking about Tess. “I told you I am not talking about Tess.”

“You can’t ignore the subject, Megan. She’s not going to vanish overnight.”

Megan closed her eyes as if to deny the truth of what he was saying. Unfortunately, Tess was very real and apparently very much her responsibility. Megan didn’t have to see the terms of Tex’s will in black and white to prove it. She doubted that Jake, for all of his flaws, would have the audacity to lie about something so important.

“I can’t deal with this now.”

“You have to,” he insisted.

“Aren’t you the one who just finished saying that Tess wasn’t going anywhere? I’ll deal with that situation tomorrow.”

“Or the next day or the one after that,” he suggested sarcastically. “She’s a kid. You can’t just back-burner her until it’s convenient. She needs some reassurance that things are going to work out, that you’ll take care of her now. She’s already convinced you don’t want her. Can you imagine how insecure that makes her feel?”

The memory of another terrified, insecure little girl came back to haunt her. Megan tried to push it aside, bury it where it belonged, in the past. “Where did this show of concern come from?” she asked Jake. “I don’t remember you being the fatherly type.”

“I’m talking common decency here. Tess is scared. Can you blame her? Of all people, you ought to know what it feels like to be dumped on someone’s doorstep.”

Megan shuddered despite herself. The memories flooded back once more. It had been more than two decades ago and she still remembered how terrifyingly alone she had felt in a strange house, knowing that her mother had gone away, more than likely for good.

What was it about the women in Tex’s life—his own daughter, Tess’s mama, even Megan herself—that they all fled? Had they been overwhelmed by the sheer force of his personality? Had they needed to escape to find themselves?

“I’ll check on Tess when I go upstairs,” she said, resigned to the fact that he wouldn’t leave her in peace without such a promise.

“It’ll take more than a kiss on the cheek and tucking the blankets around her to fix things,” Jake pointed out, still not satisfied.

“Dammit, I know that,” Megan said, frustrated by his persistence. “I’ll do what I can. You’ve known about this for how long now? Weeks, maybe. Months. I’ve had less than a day. You’ll have to excuse me if I’m inept at the maternal bit. As you just reminded me, I never had an example to go by.”

He looked vaguely guilty. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to reopen old wounds.”

“Of course you did. And you were right,” she admitted with a sigh. “I should be more understanding, since I went through the exact same thing.” She thought of Tess’s attitude. The child had deliberately done everything in her power to goad Megan all through dinner. “She’s not making it easy, you know.”

Jake clearly wasn’t persuaded. “Did you?”

She thought back. She’d pretty much challenged Tex every chance she got until the ground rules were laid out and had taken hold. “I suppose not.”

“You’re the grown-up now, Meggie. Do what you wish had been done for you way back then.” That said, he finally seemed satisfied that he’d done what he could. He stood up and headed for the door. “You need anything, call.”

“I’ll manage.”

He shook his head. “Whatever.” At the door, he paused. “We’ll go over the rest of Jake’s will after the funeral, okay? That’ll be soon enough.”

Megan doubted there were any more bombshells to be dropped. Just in case, though, she muttered, “I can’t wait.”

As soon as Jake was gone, she slipped over to Tex’s chair just as she had so many times in the past the instant her grandfather had left the room. The leather was still warm from Jake’s heat. She could almost pretend that Tex himself had just been sitting there, but it was Jake’s scent that surrounded her tonight. Despite her reluctance to accept anything at all from him, she curled up in the spot where he’d been and took comfort from the lingering traces of his presence.

She thought of the pushy, irritating man who’d just left, the angry little girl upstairs and the sneaky old coot who was gone forever.

“Oh, Tex,” she whispered, battling fresh tears. “What have you done to me?”

4

The slightly plump woman standing on the front porch with an armload of casserole dishes had a wary expression in her eyes, as if she were uncertain of her welcome. Her arrival had taken Megan by surprise. In New York she wasn’t used to people dropping by, and even if they did, there was a whole layer of security built in before they ever reached her. Surprise didn’t take away the pleasure, however. It had been way too long since she’d seen her onetime best friend.

“Megan, it’s me, Peggy,” the woman announced in an insecure rush before Megan could acknowledge her. “I probably should have called first, but we don’t stand on ceremony much around here. It’s probably not like that in New York. What with all you do, you probably have a zillion secretaries to keep people from bothering you.” She thrust the food toward Megan. “I’ll just leave this and run along.”

If she’d slowed down for even a second, Megan would have welcomed her with a hug, but Peggy had always chattered on without pausing for breath. Being ill at ease only made her worse. Megan snagged her friend’s arm as she turned away.

“You get in here, Peggy. You’re not going anywhere,” Megan insisted.

Peggy’s expression brightened. “Are you sure? I just wanted you to know I was thinking about you. I don’t want to be a bother.”

“How could you possibly be a bother? Now get in here. Let me take this into the other room and I’ll be right with you.”

She waited until Peggy had come inside before carrying the still-warm casseroles toward the dining room table, which was already heaped with offerings from other neighbors. When she returned to the foyer, Peggy was still regarding her uncertainly.

“I wasn’t sure you’d even remember me,” she confessed.

“And why wouldn’t I?” Megan said, startled by the statement. “We grew up together. I slept over at your house whenever Tex would let me. You know more of my secrets than anyone else on earth. How could you possibly think I wouldn’t remember you?”

Peggy shrugged. “It’s been a long time.” She said it without judgment or rancor, just a statement of fact that spoke volumes about the way Megan had cut not only Whispering Wind, but everyone in it out of her life. There’d been no cards, no letters, not even a quick, occasional phone call to Peggy.

“I’m sorry,” Megan said sincerely. “I never meant for so much time to go by. Can you stay for a bit? We can make up for lost time.”

Even as she said the words, she realized just how much she had missed having a real confidante, someone who knew her inside out and never judged. She had hundreds of acquaintances now, but few good friends and absolutely no one who shared a lifelong history with her. Seeing Peggy and remembering middle-of-the-night confidences, shared dreams and irrepressible giggles made her feel the absence in a way she never had before.

“Are you sure?” Peggy asked. “I know you must have a million and one things to do. We’re all real sorry about Tex. If there’s anything you need, you just have to ask. Wilma at the funeral home said you’d been in to arrange for the services. Everyone’ll be there, of course. Tex touched a lot of lives around here. I never realized how many till I was grown and on my own. Kids never do, I guess.” She paused and grinned. “I guess you can tell I still go on and on. Just hush me up whenever you’re tired of hearing my voice. Johnny says I could talk a man to death. He believes that’s how I get my way so often.”

Megan searched her memory. The image of a freckle-faced blond boy with an untamable cowlick and a shy smile came to mind. “You married Johnny Barkley?”

“Who else?” Peggy said. “I mooned over him long enough. I guess I just wore him down. We have three children, two boys and a girl, which explains how I’ve managed to put on twenty pounds I don’t need and turned most of my hair gray, though you can’t tell it because of the blond rinse I’ve been using. I’ll be darned if I’m going to look old before my time the way my mama did. Of course, she looks terrific now that she’s down in Arizona. She had herself a facelift last year. I swear she looks almost as young as me.”

“Well, you certainly look wonderful,” Megan said with total sincerity. Despite the extra weight, Peggy looked healthy and happy—contented in a way that Megan found herself envying without knowing why. Her green eyes sparkled with merriment, just as they had when she and Megan were children.

“Go on into the living room and have a seat,” Megan urged. “I’ll have Mrs. Gomez fix us some tea. Or would you rather have coffee?”

“I’ll have a soda if she has one. Any kind will do.”

“A Dr Pepper,” Megan said, suddenly remembering. They had gone through cases of the stuff. “I’ll bet there are some in the fridge.”

In the kitchen, she found the housekeeper trying to stuff the already overloaded refrigerator with yet another casserole that had just been delivered to the back door by a neighbor who hadn’t wanted to bother Megan.

“It’s a good thing the funeral’s tomorrow or all this food would go bad,” she said. “Not much of a loss, if you ask me. There’s not an enchilada in the lot of them.”

“Maybe folks figure your spicy cooking is what put Tex in his grave and they’re not taking any chances,” Megan teased, then regretted it when she saw the sheen of tears in the housekeeper’s eyes. Megan wrapped her arms around her. “Don’t you dare cry. If you do, you’ll have me weeping.”

“Crying might do you some good. Better to let your emotions out than keep them all bottled up the way Tex made you do,” the housekeeper said with undisguised disapproval. “You remember when that boy—Bobby Temple, Sí? He shoved you down in the mud in your brand-new winter coat. You were crying and carrying on. Tex gave you one of those looks of his and said, ‘Girl, an O’Rourke always holds his chin up high and we never, ever cry over things that are over and done.’”