His Girl Next Door: The Army Ranger's Return / New York's Finest Rebel / The Girl from Honeysuckle Farm

He just kissed her more deeply, ignoring her words. She took his lack of reply as a yes.

Jessica let her fingers keep exploring, reached the hem of his T-shirt and pushed it up, letting one hand discover the contours of his hard stomach, muscles firm against her touch.

His belly quivered, but he didn’t move. Only moaned against her mouth.

She took it as encouragement.

Jess tugged, breaking their kiss to pull his T-shirt over his head, and Ryan didn’t resist.

He shrugged out of it in a second and had his arms back around her before she could properly drink in the sight of him.

But she pushed him back, lightly.

“You have a tattoo,” she whispered.

Wow.

“Yeah.” He shrugged.

If the sun-kissed golden skin and hard muscles weren’t enough, hadn’t already taken her breath away, the tattoo came as even more of a shock.

She’d never dated a guy with a tattoo before. Had always thought they were for bad boys, and she’d never gone for that type. But on Ryan? It looked incredible.

“You’re staring.” His voice was low, husky.

Jess gave him a sideways look and smiled. Shyly. “Does it mean anything special?”

The black ink carved out a beautiful eagle, wings open, covering his entire shoulder and down his upper biceps. She’d never liked the idea of a tattoo, but this was something else. Made him look even stronger, tougher. Exciting.

His response was another shrug. She hoped she hadn’t made him self-conscious about it.

“It’s a special forces thing. I got it after my initiation with all the other snipers.”

She leaned forward, bent to touch her lips to his shoulder, kissing down every inch of the inky black image. She let her fingers trail over the small, dark pink scar that showed where his keyhole surgery had been.

Ryan moaned and tightened his hold on her. It made her smile, pleased that he liked it, that he wanted her touch.

“Jess.”

The way he said her name made it sound like a warning. He tugged at her hair, gently, to pull her had back up. She ignored him, slowly running her lips up his neck, making him wait before she returned to his mouth.

She stopped, hovered her lips beside his before kissing him.

Ryan didn’t hold back at all this time. He took her face in his hands, kissed her again, and then stood, lip still tangled, arms around her body.

He only had to look at her to ask her the question. To tell her what he wanted.

The way he watched her, touched her, caressed her, told her everything she needed to know. Left only one question between them.

“Yes,” she whispered, tugging his hand.

He dropped a feather-light kiss to her lips. “Are you sure?”

She tucked in tight against him, nuzzled her mouth to the tender spot between his shoulder and neck, before taking his hand and leading him to the stairs.

No, she wasn’t sure. Showing her body to a man again had been something she’d feared since her operation. All she knew was that she wanted to be with this man, right now, more than anything else in the world.

And that meant swallowing her fears and taking a big step forward. Maybe he wouldn’t notice the difference? she found herself wishing …

Ryan felt as if his whole body was on fire. He wanted this woman like he’d never wanted a woman ever before.

And he was too weak to do what he most wanted. To scoop her up into his arms and carry her to her bed, to make her feel light and wanted in his embrace. He hated not having the strength in his arm, but then if he hadn’t been injured he wouldn’t be here right now. And he knew where he’d rather be, given the choice.

But even though he couldn’t lift her like he wanted to, he could enjoy the weight of her hand in his and the promise in her eyes as she sent a shy glance back over her shoulder at him.

He’d never been nervous before, not with a woman, not like this. But it had been a long time since … He tightened his jaw and pushed the thoughts away. Now was not the time to think about the past.

The problem with Jessica was that she wasn’t just another girl. A one-night stand. He hadn’t been with a woman he felt this serious about since his wife.

She was rather like his wife—not physically, but the same type of woman. He didn’t want to hurt her in any way, do anything that might compromise what they had. Because she meant too much to him. But right now he was powerless to stop what was about to happen, and it was too late to start thinking about why this was a bad idea. He was the one who’d started it, and he certainly wasn’t going to not follow through.

Jessica stopped at what he presumed was her bedroom and dropped his hand. She touched the door frame, looked over her shoulder and gave him an even shyer smile than before.

“You joining me?”

Ryan gave Jessica a brave grin back. “Yes.”

It seemed to settle her, looked like relief crossed her eyes, softening her face.

He was going to ask her again whether she was sure, whether this was what she really wanted, but then she disappeared into the room. Ryan hesitated for a moment before following her in.

Jessica was standing, waiting for him, like she didn’t know what to do. He hated seeing her look unsure, uncertain and nervous, but he knew what he could do to make her feel better. To make sure she knew how much he wanted her.

Ryan tried not to but he knew he stalked her across the room. He wrapped both arms around her, sweeping her to him, before walking her backward until her legs touched the base of the bed.

“Ryan …” His name caught in her throat, and it made him smile.

“Yes?” He arched an eyebrow before taking up on her neck again, where he’d last kissed her, letting his lips tease her skin.

She didn’t say another word.

He already had his shirt off but Jessica was fully clothed. He tipped her back and gently let her fall, before moving to cover her, to lie half above her.

She blinked and kept her eyes downcast, but he tipped her chin up and kissed her lightly on the nose then on her lips. At the same time he touched his other hand to her T-shirt, curling his fingers around it and raising it, pausing to give her the chance to say no.

Jessica responded by wriggling to rid herself of the top.

His gaze fell from her face to her skin, eyes dancing over her lacy red bra, the way her breasts filled it to almost overflowing.

“The light,” she whispered.

Ryan shook his head. “No.”

He stopped when he saw the panicked look on her face.

“Please.” Her voice held urgency, desperation.

“Okay,” he said as got up again, crossed the room and flicked off the switch. “Your call.”

It didn’t matter how much he wanted to watch her, to drink in the sight of her, he would do as she asked. He wasn’t doing anything to compromise what was happening between them.

He stopped, in the dark, letting his eyes adjust.

Before using all of his willpower not to rush across the room and pin her down to devour her, piece by piece.

Jessica felt like she was blushing all the way down to her toes.

She wanted to stop him, to tell Ryan she couldn’t go through with it, but if she told him that she’d be lying to herself.

She wanted him.

She just didn’t want to know his reaction when he realized her breasts weren’t natural.

It was the first time she’d been intimate with a man since her reconstruction, since she’d gone through her treatment, and it scared her. She hadn’t wanted him to see them bare, didn’t want to see his reaction, either, but as soon as he touched them he’d surely know. They weren’t soft and natural as they’d once been. Now there was the undisguisable firmness of silicone, and she was embarrassed about it.

Ryan’s hand skimmed her arm then trailed slowly down the edge of her breast.

She took in a deep breath. This was it. The moment she’d dreaded for almost a year.

“You’re beautiful.”

Jessica closed her eyes and tried not to cry, fighting happiness and tears at the same time. As confused as she’d ever been.

She tried not to shake her head. Thank goodness the light was off so she didn’t have to see the look on his face when he realized.

“You are. You’re more beautiful than I ever could have imagined you’d be.”

Jessica wanted to tell him she wasn’t, admit what he’d find when he took off her final layer, but she held her words in, too scared to say them out loud.

Ryan stopped, as if he were questioning her, but Jess responded by staying still, waiting for him.

She held her breath. Terrified.

When his hand touched her bra, her entire body went stiff, rigid.

She couldn’t do it.

“Stop.”

His hand hovered then fell.

“I can’t, Ryan,” she whispered, distraught.

He dropped his hands to hers, and lowered himself to rest beside her. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Jessica closed her eyes and pushed away the pain. Tried to figure out what exactly she could tell him.

“I have, well …”

He brushed the back of one hand gently across the side of her face, touching her cheek with the softness of a feather.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

Jessica smiled bravely at him. She did want to, that was the problem, but she didn’t know how to deal with the embarrassment of what he was about to find.

Because even with the lights out, without being able to see, he would be able to feel. The scars were minor, the surgeon had done a great job, but the evidence was real and he would notice. There was no way not to.

She took a deep breath.

“Ryan, I have scars. I don’t want …”

“Shhhh.” He bent forward and kissed her, lips hovering over hers. “You don’t have to explain anything to me.”

She shook her head. “I do. My breasts, they’re …”

He waited, fingers stroking her hair.

“I have scars because I had surgery. My breasts aren’t real,” she finally blurted out.

Ryan didn’t say anything. He dropped another kiss to her lips before trailing his way down her neck, delicately across her collarbone, until he reached the lacy edge of her bra.

He paused and looked up at her. She could make out his face even in the dark.

“You’re beautiful, Jessica, and I don’t care what you’ve had done or about any scars.”

With an incredible sense of relief exploding inside her, her body felt like it had turned into a marshmallow. Her fears faded, and her body responded to his touch again. By his lack of reaction, he obviously just thought she’d had a breast augmentation. Realizing she’d managed to put off telling him the truth for a little longer, she trembled. Right now, he didn’t need to know why she’d had cosmetic surgery. If he didn’t care, then why should she?

Her body still thrummed with tension as he slipped off her underwear, but she forced herself to enjoy his touch. She couldn’t help but stiffen when he kissed first one breast then the other, his fingers gliding softly over her skin.

“See, they’re beautiful, just like I knew they’d be,” he whispered. “Just like the rest of you.”

Jessica finally relaxed into his touch, closed her eyes and sighed as his hands explored her body.

Tonight was about feeling good and enjoying herself. Losing herself in the moment. All this time she’d been terrified of showing someone her new body shape, worried what the reaction would be and if she’d even want to be intimate again.

But this—this was what she’d needed. To feel loved and wanted by a man like Ryan. A man who made her feel like she was the most beautiful woman in the world, like he truly wanted her.

Even if it was only just for tonight. Or until he went away again. Because if the light had been on, she could have looked into his eyes and seen his honesty, his integrity. Yet what she couldn’t see in his eyes, she could feel in his touch.

When Ryan inched his way back up her body and started to kiss her again, she pushed away her barriers, made herself think of nothing but the way he was touching her. The way his fingers felt against her skin, and the way his lips brushed hers in a motion she’d never tire of.

If this wasn’t heaven, then she didn’t know what was.

CHAPTER EIGHT

Dear Jessica,

It’s funny, now I know I’m coming home for sure and that we’re going to meet. I should have asked you for a photo, but then we probably don’t look like either of us expects.

You know, I’ve enjoyed this life for so long, but now the thought of coming back and sleeping in a comfortable bed, of not having to get up at the crack of dawn, sounds pretty appealing. I can hardly imagine what it will be like not to be with my unit, here in the desert, because it’s been so long. But I’m sure looking forward to meeting you.

I’ll see you soon.

Ryan

RYAN WOKE WITH a smile on his face. It had been a long while since he’d woken up grinning, but then it had also been a long time since his arm had been taken captive by a beautiful woman.

Jessica lay in the crook of his arm, face turned into him, cheek against the edge of his chest. Her mouth was slightly parted, her long hair falling over his skin and spilling out onto the white pillow.

He didn’t move, hardly let himself even breathe. Ryan could have stayed there forever, watching her. Content in what had happened between them. In the way his trip home had turned out after so many months of dreading it, after years of denying himself the luxury of returning. Of putting up barriers and refusing to confront what he’d left.

When he’d promised his son that this tour of duty would be his last, it had been a decision he’d made as a father.

But now? Deep down, he knew that part of that decision had been influenced by how he felt about Jessica. He wanted to come back for his son, but he also wanted more from this woman lying in his arms. Part of his decision had been because he wanted a real chance at making a future with her, too.

And that meant he had to let her in. A week ago, he’d have never thought it possible, but now he wanted to open up to her. To tell her the final chapter he’d kept behind lock and key from everyone but himself until now.

Jessica stirred. He shifted his body to face her, looking at her face as she started to wake.

Her eyes opened slowly, fluttered, then her head dropped slightly as she realized he was watching her.

“Hey, you,” he whispered, stroking his thumb across her cheek.

She smiled, but he could tell she was shy. “Hey.”

Her voice was so low he only just heard her.

“What do you say I rustle up something for breakfast?” he offered.

She tucked her head down and snuggled against him, hair tickling his chest as she buried into his body and pulled the comforter farther over them in the process.

Jess planted a kiss to his collarbone and sighed into his skin.

He lay with her in his arms for a few minutes then dropped a kiss to the top of her head and wriggled back.

His stomach growled. Loud.

“As much as I want to stay like this, I think my body needs some fuel.”

Jess laughed and rolled over.

“What’s so funny?”

He propped himself up and looked down at her. She was still trying to hide from him, face partially covered, but she didn’t look nervous any longer.

“Jess?”

She groaned then turned back toward him. “I probably shouldn’t tell you, in case you change your mind.”

He raised an eyebrow and watched her.

She groaned again. “You’re the first guy to offer me breakfast in bed, okay?” She let her eyes meet his. “Here I was worried you’d make an excuse and bolt, and instead you offer to feed me.”

Ryan leaned forward to kiss her, brushing the hair from her face so he could see her better. He liked that her trademark pink blush was starting to cover her cheeks again.

“I don’t recall saying anything about breakfast in bed exactly, but it can be arranged. Although if I remember correctly, you never actually gave me dessert last night.”

She responded by pushing him away and throwing a pillow at him. He caught it and grinned.

“Okay, okay! Your wish is my command.”

He stood up and walked across the room. Most of his clothes were in a heap near the foot of the bed, but it was her silk robe hanging on the back of the door that caught his eye.

“Mind if I borrow this?” He plucked it from the hanger and held it up.

Jessica was blushing all over again but she nodded, sitting up with the sheet clutched to her chest.

He grinned and put it on, just managing to secure the pink satin with the flimsy tie. It barely covered him but it made her smile, laugh even, and right now he’d do anything to see those lips of hers upturned, those chocolate-brown eyes sparkling.

Even if he did have to make a fool of himself.

He was about to turn around and make a joke when he heard a phone ringing.

“Yours?”

She shook her head. “Nope. Your cell?”

It was his. He took off down the stairs and looked around for where he’d left it. Nowhere. He scanned the room and found it just as it stopped ringing.

When he flipped it open he saw he’d missed a few calls. All from the same number.

Ryan gulped.

His parents. Or his son. He hoped everything was okay. After so long being used to only thinking about himself, he should have at least phoned to tell them he wasn’t going to make it home last night. Not that his parents would be worried, but George might be. He was going to have to change his habits if he was going to gain George’s trust again.

He hit redial.

“Hello.”

His son picked up almost immediately.

“Hey, George, it’s your dad.”

There was silence for a moment, before his son cleared his throat.

“I thought something had happened to you.”

Ryan felt as though someone had reached into his chest and stuck a knife through his heart. If he was going to get this dad business sorted, he was going to have to start acting like a father, not a bachelor with no responsibilities.

“I, ah, ended up staying at a friend’s place. I should have phoned.”

There was silence on the other end.

“George?”

“Are you coming home soon?”

Ryan looked down at the pink robe, at his hairy legs poking out, and then turned to look at the stairs. He wanted to see his son, to be there for him, but he also didn’t want to hurt Jess, and if he left now she’d think he’d used her. That he was as bad as the last guy who’d clearly broken her heart by not caring enough.

She deserved better than that. But then so did his son.

“I’m going to be a bit longer.” He paused, cringing at the silence down the line. “But I’ll be home soon, then we should grab some lunch, okay?”

“Yeah.”

Ryan hated the way he felt when George hung up. Like he was being torn in two different directions. Yanked one way in his heart, then the other.

He sighed and put down the phone. Fifteen minutes ago he’d been on cloud nine, had felt like everything was going to work out perfectly, and now he was all messed up in his head again. He needed to do something to make things right, and that might mean talking to his boy about Jessica. Somehow.

“Is everything okay?”

Ryan turned to find Jessica standing nearby. He was pleased he’d put down the phone because it would have dropped from his hand and hit the floor.

She was wearing his T-shirt and what looked like nothing else. It only covered her down to the top of her thighs, and she had her ankles crossed, legs together, hair all mussed up and falling around her face. She must have found it while he was on the phone, which meant he’d missed seeing her walk into the room naked.

“Ryan?”

He realized he was standing there like an idiot, mouth hanging open. Her face was like an open question mark, eyes showing her confusion. He didn’t like it. He liked what he saw, her big brown eyes watching him, so much skin on show apart from what was hidden beneath his shirt, but he hated that she was unsure of him.

Ryan crossed the room and wrapped his arms around her, smiling as he realized that she now smelled like his cologne. He kissed her neck, then her cheek, then her lips, hands buried in her hair.

“Everything is fine.”

She pressed her face against his chest, fingers teasing his bare skin where her dressing gown didn’t stretch enough to cover him.

“So where’s breakfast then?”

He growled and slapped her bottom. Jess shrieked and jumped away from him.

“Any more naughty business and I’ll take a photo of you like that,” she threatened.

He followed her across the room, teasing her. “Oh, really?”

She giggled, darting away, one hand holding down his T-shirt. He couldn’t help but smile at her modesty. After the night they’d just had, here she was still innocent enough not to want him to see her bare in the daylight.

When she moved again he pounced, grabbing her wrists and pinning her against the wall.

“You win.” She wriggled but didn’t put up much of a fight.

Ryan held her, restrained her, taking the chance to kiss her before backing away.

“If I win, that means I get a prize.”

He let go of her wrists and walked into the kitchen, taking a look in the pantry. Jess followed him, but she stopped to fill the jug.

“Coffee? That can be your reward.”

He shook his head, reaching for a loaf of bread and the maple syrup.

“French toast?” he asked.

Jessica nodded.

“And my prize is that you say yes to lunch with me today.”

She leaned back against the counter, eyes slanted slightly like she didn’t believe him. “What’s the catch?”

“My son’s joining us.”

Jessica gulped and watched Ryan’s face. He wasn’t kidding.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

He looked around. “Eggs?”

She went to the fridge and pulled out a tray, still waiting for him to respond.

Ryan nodded, but she could tell he was teetering on being unsure about it.

“I don’t know if it’s a good idea or not, to be honest. But I’m not here long and I don’t want to feel torn between the two of you. I want to enjoy you both and that means not keeping us a secret.”

Us. She took a silent, deep breath.

She had no idea what that even meant. What they even were to one another. Last night had only further complicated her jumbled thoughts.

This was supposed to be fun, something casual, but it was starting to feel a whole lot more serious than that.

“When you say us …”

Ryan looked up as he cracked eggs into a dish.

“Jess, you mean a lot to me.” He paused, before opening a drawer and reaching in and rummaging, emerging with the whisk. “I want George to know how much you helped me when I was away, and I don’t know why I should have to keep that a secret. If I’m going to make things right with him, I need to be honest. About everything. And I think it might help to open up to him.”

Okay. That sounded better. More like introducing her as a good friend.

“So when I meet him you’ll tell him we’re …”

He smiled. “Close friends.”

Right. “I just don’t want you to push it with him. If he thinks I’m your girlfriend it might make things difficult for you.”

Ryan dipped the first slice of bread into the bowl and gave her one of his double-wattage grins.

“I’m not going to make this difficult for him. But I have to be honest about what’s going on in my life if I want him to let me back in. Trust me again. I’ll talk to him beforehand, explain myself so he understands.” He paused. “I’m doing this for him. If I thought it wouldn’t be the right thing for him, I wouldn’t even suggest it.”