Peach Blossom Pavilion
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‘Let me die!’ My scream bounced in myriad directions. Suddenly, I felt something damp and sticky flow down from my scalp, then a salty, metallic tang seeped into my mouth …
I peed and lost consciousness.
When I woke up, I found myself still surrounded by filth and darkness, but luckily the squealing was gone – the rats were now probably easing their full bellies by taking a nap. But my stomach was like a drum frantically beating and my throat was scorched as if I’d just swallowed burning coals. I tried to scream but my voice only came out in a whisper.
As I fidgeted on the bed, I felt something strange – slimy and sticky – underneath my backside. I felt around with my hand, then put my fingers below my nose.
‘Blood! Blood!’ I heard my scream bouncing off the walls.
Instinctively I reached for my head, but the blood there had already dried. Again I touched the spot where I’d lain and felt the wet, warm bed. Strange, I didn’t see how I could have hurt my bottom so badly that it bled. As I was brooding, a gradual pain rose in my stomach, followed by a warm surge of fluid oozing from between my thighs. It was then that I realised it was my yin part that had been bleeding.
Panicked, I shot up from the bed, dashed toward the gate, and thrust my fists on the cold iron. ‘Mama! Mama! Please let me out! I’m going to die! I’m dying!’
I didn’t know how long I’d been banging until a state of lethargy and semi-consciousness took over my whole being. And the screeching began again …
I lost count of time. But I thought it must be the second or even the third day when a loud clang of the door jolted me awake. In burst Fang Rong and Wu Qiang. When I tried to shield my face from the blinding harsh light, Fang Rong slapped off my hand.
‘Oh, Mama!’ I was stunned; I couldn’t believe I’d just called her Mama! Was I so desperate to have a mother’s comfort?
I suddenly realised that instead of comforting me like my mother, she might hit me. Again I swung up my hand to shield my face.
But to my utter surprise, Fang Rong squeezed a big grin and cooed, ‘Ah, my dear daughter, how you’ve suffered!’ She laid her damp, fleshy palm on my forehead. ‘Thank heaven you don’t have a fever.’ Then, ‘Are you hungry?’
I nodded my head like a pounding jackhammer.
‘Now do you want to go back to the pavilion and have something to eat?’
Again I nodded until I felt my head almost dislodge from my neck.
As I was struggling to get up, Mama’s eyes widened, her finger pointing to the bed. ‘Oh heaven, what happened?’ Then she twisted her fat neck to face me. ‘Xiang Xiang, what did you do to yourself?’
It was then that I remembered the blood. ‘I’m bleeding.’ I paused, then uttered weakly, ‘But I didn’t do anything.’
Mama snatched up my hand to examine my wrists. Not able to find any cuts, she reached to touch the stains on the bed, then spun me around and yanked down my trousers.
‘Mama!’ My cheeks burned with humiliation. My hands tried to pull my trousers back up only to be slapped off by Fang Rong’s bear-like paws.
Then, to my utter shock, she burst out laughing while her husband looked down modestly at his nails.
Mama spun me back to face her. ‘Don’t you realise that your great-aunt has just come to visit?’
Neither of my parents had ever mentioned a great-aunt. ‘But I don’t have one,’ I said, pulling up my trousers.
‘Hasn’t your mother ever told you about your great-aunt?’
I shook my head. ‘Where is she now?’
The two exchanged meaningful glances. Then Fang Rong laughed so hard that her fleshy face looked like a fat, melting candle.
Mama stopped to catch her breath, then, ‘Hmmm … your mother must have felt too embarrassed to tell you. But why should she? Since she’d already been fucked by your father to have you.’
‘What is fuck?’ I imitated her tone.
‘Xiang Xiang,’ Wu Qiang stared into my eyes, ‘fuck means when a man puts his—’
Mama cut him off sharply. ‘Wu Qiang, stop being overeager. You can leave that to me.’
Some silence, then Fang Rong spoke again. ‘Xiang Xiang, you’re not a little girl any more.’ She winked. ‘You’ve just turned into a woman.’
I had no idea what she was talking about.
Mama went on, ‘Xiang Xiang, since your so-called mother was too lazy and too proper to explain about affairs of the wind and the moon,’ she tapped her chest, ‘you’re lucky to have a real mama to enlighten you.’
Although I still didn’t understand what she meant, I felt too exhausted to ask, let alone to defend my mother’s ‘laziness.’
Seeing that I was on the verge of collapse, Mama said, her tone turning very tender, ‘My dear daughter, you must be starving, so why don’t we all go to eat?’
My feet were so weak and wobbly that Fang Rong and Wu Qiang had to half carry me back to the pavilion.
Fang Rong asked her maid Little Red to bathe me. While I was being washed, neither of us mentioned anything about the dark room. Eyes closed, I enjoyed the sensation of the hot water sloshing against my bare flesh. I tilted my head to let the steam, like a spring breeze, massage my face. Little Red’s sponge rubbed and swished on my neck, back, and shoulders, synchronising with my contented sighs.
When she finished, Little Red poured out the red-tinted water, then took out a thick, folded cloth.
When she tried to position it between my legs, I yanked away her hands. ‘Little Red, I’m not going to wear this ridiculous thing!’
She chuckled. ‘Xiang Xiang, then would you rather let everybody in the pavilion know that that thing of yours has come?’
‘Why are you people all talking in riddles today? What is that thing of mine, do you mean my great-aunt? But I don’t have one!’
Little Red giggled more.
‘What’s so funny?’
‘Xiang Xiang, every girl has a great-aunt,’ she leaned close to me and lowered her voice even though there were only the two of us in the room, ‘that means her monthly red classic.’
Before I could respond, she went on, ‘When a girl grows up, every month she’ll begin to bleed. But the blood oozing out from her lower hole is not ordinary blood. It’s blood from inside her stomach. If a girl has not been with a man …’ Little Red paused to whisper into my ears, ‘That means fuck – then her eggs will not mix with his seed but flow out from her yin part with the blood. But if the girl has been fucked by a man and gets pregnant, she’ll stop bleeding – until the baby is born. So now your great-aunt has begun her visit, that means you can have a baby.’
Her last sentence sent a tremor across my chest. ‘Oh heaven, does it mean that I’m going to have a baby?’
She answered my question with another one, ‘Xiang Xiang, have you already been fucked?’
I had no chance to respond before she plunged on, ‘If you have, you’ll be in big, big trouble, for I’m sure Mama and De are waiting to sell your virginity for a high price.’
Waiting until she finished, I spat out, ‘What’s fuck?’
Little Red looked surprised. ‘That’s what all the sisters are doing here, and you don’t know? How long have you been here?’
‘A month.’
‘Hmmm, if Mama doesn’t have time to teach you yet, then let me tell you what fuck is.’ Little Red paused, then continued, ‘It means when a man puts that thing of his inside a woman.’
In order not to appear too ignorant, I put up a knowing smile.
She threw me a suspicious glance. ‘Xiang Xiang, are you sure you’re still a virgin?’
‘A virgin?’
‘That means someone who has never been fucked.’ Little Red’s voice rose higher and higher. ‘Xiang Xiang, how come you have no idea about all this? What did your mother teach you at home?’
‘Poetry, literature—’
‘All right, I know you’re well learned in the five classics. But how come she never told you about the monthly red classic?’
I remained silent.
She said, ‘Xiang Xiang, I just told you, “fuck” means when a man puts that thing of his,’ she cast me a mysterious look, ‘I mean his yang instrument – into the woman’s yin hole.’
‘But why would a man want to do that?’
‘Why? Because he enjoys doing it, that’s why! Besides, then he can make her have a baby.’ Another pause before she went on excitedly, ‘Your father also fucked your mother to have you!’
‘Oh no!’ I protested vehemently. ‘My father was a scholar gentleman, he wouldn’t have done such a sickening thing to my mother!’ No matter how hard I tried or how far I stretched my imagination, I just couldn’t picture my refined father putting that thing of his into my elegant mother’s hole.
‘Yes, of course, he did.’ Little Red’s voice jumped high like a frog. ‘If not, then where do you think you came from, picked up from a rubbish bin, or burst from a stone?!’
I was struck speechless both by the bin and the stone.
Little Red plunged on, ‘Xiang Xiang, believe me. Your parents fucked to have you. I bet they must have fucked hard and also tried out all kinds of beneficial positions and enjoyed them tremendously. Otherwise, it’s impossible that you’d be born so beautiful!’
‘What does that have to do with being beautiful?’
‘Because if a couple enjoys fucking, the qi they thrust into each other is unusually good, and that will always generate beautiful babies.’
I stared hard at Little Red’s potato face, frog eyes, pug nose, then almost blurted out, ‘Then your parents must have hated each other bitterly,’ but stopped myself just in time.
Right then we heard Fang Rong’s voice shooting up from downstairs. ‘What are you two doing upstairs, discussing Confucius’ classics? Come down at once!’
And that ended our conversation. Hastily Little Red helped me put on fresh clothes, then accompanied me down to the ground floor.
In the corridor heading to the dining room, I almost fainted from the smell of food. Then I saw the dishes – steamed whole fish, garlic shrimp, crabs in ginger and scallion, braised eel in roasted garlic sauce, rabbits’ legs, deers’ tongues, tortoise soup – and started to drool. Fang Rong waved Little Red away, then signalled me to sit between her and Wu Qiang.
She smoothed my hair. ‘See, Xiang Xiang, if you behave, you’ll always have goodies like this. Now eat and drink.’ She and Wu Qiang began to pile food onto my dish and pour wine into my cup.
‘Thank you, Mama and De,’ I said, now feeling truly grateful.
Then I gobbled and drank until I passed out again.
4
The Elegant Gathering
After that time in the dark room, I realised that at Peach Blossom Pavilion, life was not as good as it had seemed. I’d also become, however reluctantly, a woman. Nevertheless, as time passed, I was too busy occupying myself in learning the arts – and too scared – to reflect on my future. Every week I had to take lessons in singing, pipa playing, painting, and calligraphy, and every day I had to practise five or six hours with no rest.
One time I was so exhausted that I asked Mama for a break. A huge grin broke out on her fleshy face. ‘Aii-ya! Xiang Xiang’ – she tapped her chest – ‘you think I’m the one who’ll be benefitting from all this practising?’ Then she put her pudgy finger at my forehead and gave it a push. ‘It’s you, silly girl, YOU!’ She paused to catch her breath. ‘Wait until you get famous, maybe then you’ll show some appreciation for your mama who has made you take all these lessons!’
Among all the arts, I liked playing the pipa – the four-stringed lute – the most. Partly because I liked the pleasant sound of the instrument, partly because I liked Pearl, my teacher. It gave me endless pleasure to watch her tilted chin, pouted lips, and slender fingers hover over the instrument like butterflies dancing from flower to flower. Also, her room was not like mine. Its silk curtains, embroidered sheets, marble-topped dressing table, gilded mirror, ornate Western clock, and paintings of pretty women fascinated me. Whenever I was there, my eyes would be busy exploring the beautiful objects while I inhaled the fragrances mingling from the flowers, the incense, and her perfumed body.
Moreover, I was intrigued by Pearl’s magical power – men would turn hungry and naughty whenever they were within a fifty-yard radius. Upon spotting her, they would, like cats reaching their paws for fish, eagerly reach out for – a cheek, an arm, a leg, a hip, a breast.
Now in Peach Blossom, due to my busy schedule, I didn’t have much time to think about my ‘great-aunt,’ nor the ‘fucking’ described by Little Red.
But since that day, Little Red had been so busy carrying out errands that, whenever we ran into each other in the corridor or in the courtyard, we could never finish our conversation. As to Fang Rong, although she’d promised she’d soon enlighten me about fuck, she was in fact either too busy scolding the sisters, kowtowing to the important guests, or gloating over her account book while flicking the fat beads of her abacus with sausage fingers.
However, I was still able to snatch tidbits of this mystery here and there in Peach Blossom.
‘Good heavens, how can he possibly think he can go in me when my great-aunt is right there between us!’
‘Is it true that his little brother is malnourished?’
‘Do you know how it feels when a toothpick drops into a well?’
Although now I was not completely ignorant about this fucking business, it still seemed, in many ways, unintelligible to me. But whom to ask? Of course I’d already tried Pearl toward the end of my pipa lessons, but she’d either look tired or in a hurry to entertain a guest.
‘Ah, Xiang Xiang,’ she’d say apologetically, ‘Mama has asked me to teach you but I’m just not in the mood right now.’
I had no idea whether she was really that exhausted and busy or simply reluctant to tell me, but since Mama had assigned her to be my teacher, I deemed it her duty to satisfy my fucking curiosity.
But there was no chance to question Pearl again because now everybody in Peach Blossom was busily preparing for the Lunar New Year. Mama had ordered the servants and maids to wash windows, scrub floors, and polish furniture. Doors were hung with colourful lanterns and pasted with red scrolls for good luck. Servants took out the red drape embroidered with one hundred fruits (for longevity) to cover the big luohan chair in the welcoming-guests room. The sides of the chair were tied with two poles of bamboo symbolising frequent promotions (since bamboo grows high). On New Year’s Eve, we all sat and waited to see which guest would arrive first and be the one to light the red dragon and phoenix candles.
On New Year’s Day, male servants lit firecrackers to send off the old year, welcome the new, and scare away evil spirits. Laughter, jokes, and words of good luck filled Peach Blossom’s guest, business, and banquet rooms. After Mama and De had led us to pray in front of all the gods and goddesses, Aunty Ah Ping brought out four big silver trays filled with dim sum. In the spirit of the new year, customers indulged themselves in spending sprees – overpaying for the food, tipping everybody in sight, and gambling for high stakes.
On the tenth of January, I counted my lucky money and was elated to find almost ten silver coins – only to have it snatched away by Mama. To pay bills, she said. Feeling distressed, I went to the kitchen to find Guigui for solace. The puppy was so happy to see me that even in the middle of gobbling down the leftover food, he looked up and wagged his tail.
I picked him up and rubbed my face against his warm, fluffy fur. ‘Guigui, have you been a good baby?’
He nodded, then licked my face, leaving bits of half-chewed meat on my cheeks.
A few days later, when the tumult of the New Year had finally died down, I went to Pearl’s room for another pipa lesson. It surprised me that Pearl didn’t have her pipa out as she usually did. Instead, she was carefully pencilling her brows in front of the mirror, while humming a tune. Why was she fretting over two thin lines instead of tuning the four strings?
I put on my best smile. ‘Sister Pearl, aren’t we having a lesson today?’
She lifted her brow and cast me a curious glance in her gilded, elaborately carved mirror. ‘Forget the pipa lesson. Tonight I’ll teach you some other lessons instead.’
Before I could ask, ‘What about a fucking lesson?’ she squinted at me with her elongated phoenix eyes. ‘I heard that you were locked in the dark room some time ago?’
I nodded.
‘So have you learned your dark room lesson?’
I couldn’t think of anything to say, so I nodded again.
‘Why did you run away?’
‘To see my mother off.’
‘That was a high price to pay.’
I remained silent; she asked, ‘Where did she go?’
‘To take refuge as a nun in a Buddhist temple in Peking.’
Pearl burst into laughter until tears rolled down her cheeks. Her hand trembled and made a wrong move, leaving her brow crooked. When she’d finally calmed down, she pulled a silk handkerchief from her jade bracelet to dab her eyes and wipe her brow.
‘Sister Pearl, why is it so funny?’
She tapped a red-nailed finger at me in the mirror. ‘Ha, don’t you think so? Your mother’s going to be a nun and you a whore, huh?’
‘But I’m not—’
‘Xiang Xiang, do you think you’re being fed and clothed and given art lessons here for nothing? You think Peach Blossom Pavilion is a charitable organisation? Or a government-sponsored art studio?’ She rapped my head. ‘The earlier you are disillusioned the better, you understand?’ She paused to redo her brow. ‘You know, sometimes it’s not too bad to be a prostitute. Especially if you become famous and meet someone who’s so rich and loves you so much that he’ll redeem you and take you home as his fifth or sixth concubine.’ She turned to pinch my cheek with her spidery fingers. ‘Is that clear, you little whore?’
As I was about to protest, suddenly I remembered my mother’s saying.
Try your best to get along with everyone, otherwise you won’t have a roof to live under nor even thin rice gruel to warm your stomach.
Besides, when the truth is thrown like a clod of dirt on your face, how else can you respond but to swallow it?
So I swallowed hard and squeezed a smile. ‘Yes, Sister Pearl.’
Pearl turned back to gaze at her powdered face in the mirror. Now beautiful and motionless, she looked like a gracefully carved statue of Guan Yin – the Goddess of Mercy – who always listens to cries of help.
I blurted out my long-held question, ‘Sister Pearl, what is fuck?’
‘Xiang Xiang!’ She threw me a chiding look in the mirror. ‘That word is extremely vulgar.’
‘But that’s what Mama and Little Red use.’
‘Yes, I use that, too, but it’s for adults, not a little girl like you.’
‘But Sister Pearl. I’m not a little girl anymore. I’m a woman!’
‘Oh, is that so?’ She raised a brow. ‘That means you have been fucked, haven’t you?’
Her words stung like a bee. I screamed. ‘No, of course not!’
She laughed, revealing a neat row of pearly teeth. ‘All right, you haven’t been fucked, not yet, all right?’ Then she looked at me chidingly. ‘Xiang Xiang, instead of saying fuck, why don’t you say mating of heaven and earth, balancing yin and yang, or stirring up the clouds and rain?’
She cocked an eye at me. ‘But why are you in such a hurry to learn all these, can’t you wait to be a fucking whore?’
This time I kept my mouth shut.
She smiled flirtatiously. ‘Hasn’t Little Red already told you what fuck means?’
Before I could answer, Pearl’s expression turned serious. ‘Anyway, soon Mama will give you books about the secret games. You better study them thoroughly, then if you have questions, come and ask me.’
‘Do you have those books?’
‘I don’t need them anymore,’ she tapped her head, ‘they’re all here.’ After that, she turned back to the mirror and continued to fuss over her make-up until her brows resembled two slender leaves. I understood that this signaled the fucking matter was to be dropped.
After Pearl had laid the finishing touch on her brow, she turned to look me in the eyes. ‘Xiang Xiang, I’m going to entertain in a big party tonight, and,’ she nipped my chin, ‘you’re coming with me, you lucky little witch.’
I was surprised to hear this. I’d never expected that I would be invited out so quickly. ‘Sister Pearl, who invited me?’
Suddenly the warmth in her tone was gone. She narrowed her eyes. ‘A very rich businessman. But don’t think that you’re already so irresistible that he invited you out. He invited me, you understand? You’re just to tag along.’
I nodded. Tears welled in my eyes, but I wouldn’t let them fall.
Seeing me on the verge of crying, Pearl’s tone warmed up again. ‘Ha, Xiang Xiang, you’d better start to learn about your own value. Don’t you know that you’re already quite famous? People have been asking around about you, “Who’s that pretty girl with two enchanting dimples?” One even said, “So pretty, she’ll definitely be a ming ji someday”!’
Ming ji – a prestigious prostitute. What would that be like?
Pearl raised her arm and rubbed perfume onto her armpits. ‘It’s never too early to be noticed, silly girl. Life is short here and no one has a whole eternity to flash her youth.’
She preened in front of the mirror – tilting up her chin, lowering her eyes, wetting her lips, raising her shoulder so that her bathrobe slipped to expose her smooth white flesh, caressing her breast with her red-nailed fingers. Then she started to recite a poem, ‘When a flower blooms, pick it. Don’t wait till there is only the bare branch left.’ After that, she turned to me, her voice sentimental, ‘You understand the poem, Xiang Xiang?’
I nodded, feeling too sad to say anything.
Pearl had finally finished putting on her make-up. Now she walked to the wardrobe and peeled off her bathrobe. I let out a small cry; there was not a single thread on her body!
She cocked an eye at me and chuckled. ‘Never saw a naked body before, huh?’
I shook my head, while eyeing her tilted breasts, her slightly swelling belly, and the luxuriant dark area between her white thighs which looked like the rich ink my painting teacher Mr. Wu dabbed on the rice paper.
My scrutiny didn’t seem to bother Pearl at all. She said, ‘You’d better get used to it, Xiang Xiang. Because, trust me, you’ll be seeing a lot of them very soon. But mind you,’ she sneered, ‘those bodies you’re going to see and learn to please are very different from ours. They belong to the chou nanren’s!’
Stinking males.
A beat passed before we burst into uncontrollable laughter. In that fleeting moment, I thought I liked her very, very much.
Pearl looked particularly attractive tonight. The red silk dress embroidered with a golden phoenix clung to her body as tightly as if the bird were painted on her skin. Her jacket’s high collar wrapped around her neck like petals enveloping a bud – her coveted goose-egg-shaped face. Her long hair was pinned loosely into a bun at the nape of her neck and scented with osmanthus flower oil. She’d decorated her three-thousand-threads-of-trouble with fresh plum blossoms and a gold filigreed butterfly. Her lips, painted crimson and slightly opened in a pout, looked as if they were dying for the sweet dew of some exotic elixir. Two jade earrings – like two green eyes – twinkled enigmatically.
‘Sister Pearl, you’re gorgeous!’ I sniffed the perfume wafting from her.
She pinched my cheek affectionately. ‘Thank you, Xiang Xiang.’ Then her eyes looked sad. ‘Beauty is all we have,’ she sighed, ‘that is, besides charm.’
A long pause before her mood changed again; now she scrutinised me playfully. ‘Xiang Xiang, you’re a very pretty little slut yourself, too. Now get dressed.’