Collection of mysticism. + author’s biography including essays about books

CHAPTER 1

When I opened my eyes and looked around, it took me a while to figure out where I was. My face and hands were stinging from the injury. When I came to myself, I realized that I was in a hospital room. There were four beds in the ward, two of which were vacant my neighbor was opposite me. Remembering recent events, I could not make up the whole picture. I could not believe what I saw. Alternatively, was it a terrible dream? Alternatively, just hallucinations from the cold? The last thing I remember is that I was alone in an unfamiliar area; it was like an icy plain, a blizzard was circling around, and a beautiful woman was standing in front of me and mercilessly laughing at me. I closed my eyes and began to remember what had happened to me.

Various episodes surfaced in my memories, in one of which I remember the kingdom of the underworld. I was standing in a clearing covered with moss; it looked like an age-old jungle. There was a fire burning in the clearing, little men were running around the fire and squeaking disgustingly, they looked more like a bat. An old woman was standing near the fire; she was saying something and throwing wood on the fire. She looked like a beggar, covered with an old decrepit blanket, her body was covered with terrible scars, and her breasts hung down to her stomach. I pressed myself against an oak tree and watched the whole picture, not understanding how I got here. It was like a Sabbath. These evil spirits did not seem to notice me, and I did not want them to notice me. At the same time, it seemed to me that they were pretending not to notice me. The old woman glanced in my direction from time to time and poured some ashes into the fire. I was shaking all over from what was happening, and I just wanted to disappear from this place. Not even to run, but to disappear. I was afraid to move, so that no one would notice me. Suddenly, the fire suddenly went out, the little demons ran screaming. The whole picture disappeared and a blizzard rose. The clearing, covered with moss, turned into a winter garden. I stood huddled against the oak tree, not understanding what was happening, and it became even scarier for me. I began to shake from the cold, and my soul was shaking with icy fear. The blizzard began to subside, and turned into a damn beautiful, fatal, insidious woman. At the same moment, the winter garden and all its inhabitants disappeared, and I found myself alone with this woman on an icy plain. Then my visions were mixed up, and I leaned back on the pillow with my eyes closed.

I fell into a deep sleep, hoping to see and remember who this woman was once again. Her beauty threw me off balance. I woke up in deep disappointment. I did not dream anything. The only joy was that I was able to get out of bed, and even hang my legs off the bed. The face and hands made themselves felt less. After examining the ward, this time more carefully, it seemed quite cozy to me. The walls are cream-colored. Bright windows and pleasant curtains created a homely atmosphere. Taking a deep breath, I looked towards the front door, it immediately opened, and I shuddered. My neighbor came in, I immediately remembered him when I saw him for the first time. I have a good visual memory.

The neighbor greeted me affably. – From the timid? He said these words in jest, and I did not know what to answer. I could not tell what I had experienced. Moreover, was it a reality?

– Yes, no. Just thinking. I realized that my neighbor is simple, with a heightened sense of humor. We talked with him a little bit, and we did not even get to know each other. I went out into the corridor and walked around a bit, stood by the window. It was a fierce winter outside the window, and another picture presented itself to me.

I remembered that I tried to escape from the clearing, to find shelter, but a blizzard caught me and carried me away. She took it away like some kind of kitten. I could not understand if this really happens. I remembered that I was actually flying. I was even ashamed to mention it to someone. I returned to the ward, began to remember how it all started, where I am, and how I got here.

Returning to the ward, I sat down on my bed. My neighbor across the street was doing a crossword puzzle. After asking me the answer to one of the questions, he got a question instead. – How did I end up here?

– Two friends brought you. I think you fell asleep on the street and frostbitten your limbs. That is all I know.

– And how long ago?

– Tonight.

It made me feel better that it was not a week. Memory was returning. I got into my nightstand, and found a cell phone, though discharged, documents and some money. After having dinner with a neighbor, I joined him to solve a crossword puzzle. A nurse came into the room and smeared my hands and face with some kind of cream. Then she left, slamming the door.

– This is an evil person. Tomorrow the good one will come, the neighbor said with an ironic smile. Smiling back, I began to get ready for bed. – Why are you so scared? All somewhat intimidated? Who offended you here?

– No. I replied dryly.

– What is your name?

– Victor.

– My name is Vova. Tell me what happened. Maybe I can help.

I wanted so much to tell everything to the first person I met, but I was afraid that they would laugh at me. In addition, I could not. Instead, I asked a new friend for a charger. Turning on the phone, I quickly wrote a letter to my sister, forgetting about the time difference. The next day my friends came to me and told me how they had saved me.

When I returned to my room, I literally bumped into Vova. —Did they do that to you?» I realized that Vova would not let his friends offend, and would not leave me alone. I sat down on the edge of the bed and, not knowing how to begin, began my story.

I flew to Norilsk to visit my grandmother’s grave. This year she had an anniversary of ten years. Our grandmother lived in Norilsk all her life, and my sister and I only occasionally flew with my mother to visit my grandmother. Sometimes Grandma came to visit us. My sister could not fly with me because she has two children. I still have childhood friends in Norilsk, with whom I played when I flew to my grandmother. They welcomed me with joy, and I stayed with them.

Remembering my grandmother, my friends and I laughed at the stories she told me as a child. These stories were like fiction, but my grandmother assured me that it was true. When I arrived at the cemetery, I started looking for my grandmother’s grave and got lost. My friends stayed at home. I corresponded with my sister on the Internet; she helped me to look for her grave. Then I failed. I remember exactly that I was standing near an abandoned grave, the earth split into two parts, and I fell into the abyss. It seemed to me that I had fallen into hell, but it must be hot in hell, and I ended up in an ice cave. From my heat, there were vapors until I began to be covered with an icy crust. I decided I was dead. Grandma’s spirit took me away. She must have been offended that I did not find her grave. I got up and went to look for a way out. I walked through the snow tunnel as if through a maze that did not end. My legs gave way and I fell.

I woke up in a clearing covered with moss. I told my friend about the fire, and everything that happened in the clearing, and how I saw the woman. Then I fell and woke up in the same place by an abandoned unmarked grave. Deciding that I was freezing, I began to look for a way out. The weather for this time of year was quite calm, windless, and the minus was not big. Seeing the exit, I purposefully headed towards it, deciding to go to the grave tomorrow. Suddenly a blizzard came and caught me. This time I found myself in an ice palace. The palace was huge, and everything in it was made of ice. The first thing that caught my eye was the little men who were running around the campfire. Moreover, even these little men were covered with ice. In addition, even an old woman with a sagging chest stood like an ice statue, holding some shamanic objects in her hands. I decided I was just crazy. Mrs. Snowstorm threw her icy gaze at me. Then it turned into a pile of snowflakes, and I found myself again in a clearing covered with moss. I stood by the oak tree, holding on to it tightly with my hands, hoping that the blizzard would not be able to carry me away. She was not here, there was no one? I began to look around, I was shaking with fear, not knowing where I was, and I tried to find my way home, and went through the bushes. This incomprehensible area reminded me of the ancient wilds, something like from a fairy tale about the Lukomorye. These strange plants, labyrinths, moss, elves and all that. My friend was listening to me, and I did not know if he believed me or not.

– «It’s all like a fairy tale, of course,» he said in a quite serious voice, but I believe you. We got up and went out to smoke. On my return, my friend asked me to continue the story. The lights went out in the hospital a long time ago, and we were lying in our beds.

I was mentally transported to the place where I got lost, looking for a way out of the clearing. Then, when I managed to get out of the bushes, I began to look around, and realized that I was lost. Not knowing what to do, I wanted to call my friends, but to my surprise, I did not have a phone or documents. I remembered perfectly well that all these things were always with me, I left the house with them. I corresponded with my sister. I panicked and went wherever I could. I was walking along the path, and I found myself in a green tunnel of moss, it was a maze. It was dark in this realm. it is an underground realm! Walking by touch, my legs did not obey me and were giving way all the time. Leaning against the moss wall, I closed my eyes and fell asleep. I woke up already at the cemetery late in the evening; my friends met me to my joy. I was so glad to see them, even though I could not tell them anything. I just said I was lost, even though they already knew it.

After sitting with friends for a while, I went to my room, or rather my friend’s room. It was his late grandmother’s apartment, and the furniture was inherited. I was lying in bed and thinking about what had happened. I was very much frozen, and I could not understand why I was shaking, from the cold or from the fear, I had experienced. Friends did not understand anything. They thought I was just scared of walking around the cemetery, especially late at night. I wanted to sleep very much, and I was afraid to close my eyes, fear pierced my soul. There was a strong wind outside the window, it was howling, and that made it even scarier. A street lamp was shining through the window, and I was looking at the shadow of snowflakes on the wall. Old creaky furniture and a relic of the day created the interior of Count Dracula’s castle. I smiled to myself, wished my sister good night, as always forgetting about the time zone, and closed my eyes.

As soon as I closed my eyes and relaxed for a moment, a shadow immediately ran along the wall. I shuddered involuntarily. My heart started pounding. I opened my eyes and looked with fear at the wall, which was illuminated by a street lamp. I already knew that anything could happen and involuntarily tensed up. The figure of a beautiful woman flashed across the wall, and disappeared. Now I knew I was not alone in this room. I could not call for help for fear that I would be considered crazy. Nervous overexertion gave me a headache and I got ready for further actions, at this time my room was slowly covered with ice. All the walls, floor, ceiling were covered, a beautiful pattern appeared on the window, and the front door was frozen solid. My room became like an ice cave, and despite this, I did not feel cold, I did not feel anything but panic fear. My sofa, on which I was just trying to fall asleep, turned into an ice bench. I prepared myself for my fate. What will happen next, and what does this woman want from me? Who is she?

A whirlwind of large snowflakes formed in the room, they circled, and turned into a strict old woman, this is not the old woman who humanized by the fire, it was completely different. She darted her gaze at me, and I recognized in that gaze that formidable beautiful woman who was chasing me. For a moment, my fear disappeared, and I stopped being afraid. I wanted to ask who she was, but I was waiting for the first, her further actions. She walked past me tapping her staff on the icy floor and flew out the window in the form of a blizzard. My room has regained its former appearance. Everything became the same as it was. In addition, as if nothing had happened.

I was sitting on the sofa with my legs pressed to my chest, I wanted to smoke madly, but I did not want to show myself to my friends. I leaned back on the sofa, closed my eyes and relaxed for a minute, forgetting about what had happened. These supernatural phenomena drew me in, and I became interested in them. I waited for further developments. The fear still did not leave me, but I got up from the sofa and went out to my friends to smoke.

I plucked up the courage and decided to tell my sister everything. After looking at the time, I decided not to postpone everything until the morning. To my surprise, my sister immediately answered me. She calmed me down in every possible way and asked me to tell about each new incident. Her explanation for my stories was that I violated the chambers of a strict dark Goddess. She asked me to remember every wrong word, every gesture, and all my conversations. She also asked not to go alone to the cemetery, as well as to drink as little as possible and return as soon as possible.

My friend listened to me with interest, asked me to continue, but I was tired. I had a terrible headache, I wanted to sleep, and I fell asleep. In the morning, the nurse treated my burns received from the cold, and after breakfast, my neighbor asked me to continue the story. It was difficult for me to remember everything that happened, there were gaps in my memory, and I remembered in parts. Mentally returning to the places where I happened to visit.

– Vova, tell me, are you really interested in this story?

– You are kidding! You happened to see the Goddess of the Slavic Pantheon! I myself am a little fond of this topic. Now, after meeting you. I am already starting to really believe it.

– «I don’t believe it myself. I did not believe it until now. Now, just like you, I am starting. My sister is obsessed with it. She helped me get out of the underworld. He says I have been in Mara’s arms! My friend smiled back with his ironic smile.

– And what were the consequences?

– Next. In the morning, after drinking coffee with friends, we decided to go to my grandmother’s grave together. My friends decided to accompany me so that I would not get lost in the cold like last time. We walked along the road and laughed loudly at the stories that my grandmother told me as a child. When I reached the place, I stood by the grave remembering my childhood. My days spent with my grandmother, and those funny stories that she told my sister and me. My friends stood aside and waited for me. I looked around, looking for the abandoned grave near which I got lost. I could not find her, and I had to leave with nothing. Although my goal seemed to have been achieved, but I did not get what I wanted. It is time to fly away. However, I did not want to. I could not explain the reason to my friends, only my sister knew it. She insisted on my departure. The ticket was purchased, departure the next day. I only had one night left, and I did not want to lose it. Mysticism pulled me in, and I wanted to find out who this woman was.

– It was our last dinner. We had a good time with friends, and after saying good night, I went to the room reserved for me. I closed the door behind me and sighed heavily. To my surprise, I was looking forward to her appearance. I sat down on the edge of the sofa and waited. It was a dark polar night outside the window. It was November outside. I looked at the light from the lantern and admired the beauty of the snowflakes that swirled in this light. I knew that this woman could appear anywhere and from anywhere. Therefore, without wasting time in vain, I checked all my things collected for tomorrow, got ready for bed and went to bed.

– I closed my eyes and began to recall all the events that had happened to me over the past three days. I did as my sister told me; I remembered everything from the moment of arrival until tonight. My goal was my grandmother’s grave. My grandmother was a pagan. When my sister and I were little, she read us fairy tales, and told us entertaining stories, legends about the gods. I never believed in it, and I did not really listen. Our parents were against these legends. However, my sister loved these stories, and believed with her grandmother in these gods. We grew up, my sister continues to believe in these myths, but I do not. Sometimes we have controversial questions about this.

– What city are you from?

– We were born here in Norilsk, then moved to live in Voronezh, and my grandmother stayed in this city. This is her hometown. My childhood was spent in the city of Norilsk.

– I remember one of the legends about the gods, my grandmother told my sister and me about Mara Maren. How could I have known then that I would meet her? – She will turn the whole fur coat inside out for you. Grandma was talking. – Everything inside. This is the woman of the kingdom of Navi. Her possessions lie beyond the black river, across which the Kalinov Bridge is spanned, guarded by a three-headed Serpent. The Great Lady Madder loves to rest in her icy Palaces in the far north of the Earth. Her reign time is winter. When all nature is asleep. Madder does not like when her peace is disturbed. When the awakening comes, and the Earth begins to revive after hibernation, the reign of Madder ends. Moreover, she goes to her chambers. I was silent for a minute and noticed how my neighbor was listening to me attentively.

– And then, what happened then?

– Later. Remembering everything from the beginning. We were going to fly with my sister, but we did not find anyone to take care of the children. She brings them up alone, and I help her. We decided that I would fly alone, and on the day of departure she saw me off, protected me like a mother. My sister is older than I am and has always taken care of me. It was not for nothing that she asked me to remember everything I said, what I laughed at. Because before the flight we remembered grandmother’s fairy tales, had a good evening with her children. When I arrived here, my friends and I were laughing at the same fairy tales; perhaps this was the reason for my adventures. We laughed at them even when we went to the cemetery. Then I dreamed of seeing the image of this woman again. I have been looking forward to this moment. At that time, I could not even think that this was the goddess of the Slavic Pantheon. At first, I thought it was hallucinations from the cold, or from excess alcohol. Then I decided that it was the grandmother’s spirit that took me away or I would go crazy. I did not know who to tell all this to, and it was only after talking with my sister that I realized that I was entering another world, another dimension. In addition, I do not even get there, but they take me away and bring me back. However, why? I myself became interested, and I began to wait for our meeting with her. Our conversation was interrupted by a doctor’s visit. Then we went to lunch, after lunch we lay down on the bed, and I continued my story.

– When I went to bed, I was full of hopes that she would come again, or rather fly in the form of snowflakes. However, my hopes were not fulfilled. In addition, I fell into a deep, deep sleep. In my dream, I dreamed of a clearing, bats dancing by the fire, I wanted to approach them, and I took a decisive step towards them. There was dampness underfoot; the air was heavy because of the large amount of moss. I was able to see these trolls; they looked like little devils with bat wings. These creatures had no heels, and their pointed ears gave a funny look. These creatures were clearly having fun, their squeaking sounded disgusting, the fire was not burning with a natural flame; something had obviously been thrown into it. The appearance of a nasty old woman did not spoil the fun, but rather intensified it. The old woman began to prepare some kind of drink on the fire. She uttered incomprehensible words, poured some mixtures into the pot. The liquid in the pot bubbled, and gave off an unpleasant smell to the whole neighborhood. Along with this smell, the fog began to come. At first, it was a thin puff of smoke, and then the fog began to thicken and turned into thick dark smoke. Because of this smoke, nothing was visible. Taking advantage of this moment, I came closer. Hoping that no one sees me, I stood in front of the fire, trying to look into the pot. The liquid in it looked like red wine. The old woman looked at me and did not say a word. The ritual was over, the fog continued to advance. The little men ran screaming somewhere, and I followed them at a brisk pace, not seeing where I was going. I walked, not knowing what I was stepping on, there was dampness under my feet, and branches of bushes fell into my face. The only thing I looked at was the little infuriates, it seemed to me they knew where to go.

The fog began to clear, and I began to look around. It was no longer a clearing covered with moss, but more like an autumn abandoned forest. All the trees and shrubs were leafless. The sky was not visible, it was not there as such, and there was a black haze. It was a cold autumn, and the air was wet and cold. A cold shiver ran through my body, and I began to shake from the cold. Wet, yellowed leaves rustled underfoot.

I noticed that one of the devils had strayed from his own and stuck in the bush. I decided to help him get out, and squatted down for this. The imp was scared of me, and I felt funny. Barely suppressing a smile, I picked it up, and it turned out to be not so nasty. I continued to shake from the cold, and I held him with trembling hands. The imp tried to escape; I squeezed him even harder and asked: – where am I?

– On the threshold of the Navi world. The imp squeaked in a childish voice.

– Where is everyone going?

– You need to get across the Kalinov Bridge faster. The holiday is coming soon.

– Which one?

– At Mara Madder’s ball. She is coming into her own soon. She holds a celebration in her honor every year. Nevertheless, she has a limited number of guests. If you are not invited, then it is better not to show yourself in her eyes. Run away from here. She will punish you.

The more I was removed from her, the closer I wanted to be to her.

– How do I get to the party? In addition, I squeezed him even harder. This creature was smaller than my palm. He began to beep loudly and attract attention. I let him go and he flew away. All I had to do was not noticeably follow everyone.

The souls of the dead began to join our small company. They were ghosts with light transparent eyes. They flew after the devils, I realized that they were meeting guests and escorting them to the place. I began not to have time to follow these evil spirits, and strengthened my step. Souls continued to fly up and join, but there were not many of them yet. I remembered the words that the bat had squeaked to me that the number of guests was limited.

The flying company made an abrupt stop, and I took a breath. Looking around, we found ourselves on the edge of the forest; there was a large stump in the middle. An old woman stood next to him and poured out the same red drink that was brewed in another clearing. The drink was poured into the skulls, surprisingly it was hot, and everyone who received it stood in a circle. At first, the ghosts got up, as I understood by seniority, they stood in a circle holding the skulls. Then the bats, they rather protected the guests. Thus, a double circle was formed around this stump. I really wanted to drink this drink. I was shaking from the cold, despite walking fast. I felt weakness in my body, I felt my strength leaving me, and I fell into unconsciousness. The sight of this old woman was so terrible, I was afraid to approach her. My mouth was dry and all I wanted was a sip of water.