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Prologue
Nadya sat on a shabby bench in the whitewashed corridor, nervously fiddling with the ultrasound results in her hands. What could be there? She felt fine, underwent medical examinations regularly, like all the teachers at their school – she was never sent for additional examinations. Friend and part-time colleague Natalya, with whom Nadya was the only one to share her bewilderment, categorically stated that this was all due to the lack of intimate life. Like, everyone knows this: abstinence at a young age is harmful, and who in our time would voluntarily give up something that has not been publicly condemned by society for a long time? Nadya had other information: the harm from abstinence is exaggerated – this is what the Holy Fathers say, whom you can certainly trust. And even if it causes damage to the body to some extent, fornication is much more harmful to the soul. And the soul, in turn, is more important than the physical shell.
But now Nadya was nervous, and the minutes passed endlessly.
Finally, the last pregnant woman came out of the door, and from there came the sharp cry of the doctor:
– Melnikova!
Nadya felt a chill in her stomach. But she took a deep breath and, forcing herself to take her time, calmly walked into the office. She put the documents on the table, hung her purse on the back of the chair, and sat down carefully. She smiled.
The doctor – a plump, middle-aged woman, wearing glasses, with a tuft of blond, dyed hair in glasses – looked at the sheet with the ultrasound report and muttered thoughtfully:
– Nadezhda Vyacheslavovna… Uh-huh… – She put the paper on the table, tapping it on top with her palm, and looked sternly at Nadya: – Well, everything is as I thought during the examination…
– What's happened? – Nadya’s voice trembled. She felt the blood drain from her face and hands, filling her heart with panic.
– You have problems, honey.
– Which?
– Rare genetic disease.
Nadya’s overflowing heart fell into her stomach.
“It’s not even really a disease,” the doctor continued, “rather… mm, an organic deficiency or, in other words, a physiological disorder in the structure of the uterus.”
Nadya opened her eyes wide:
– And what… does this threaten me with?
– Problems with reproductive function.
– Ah!
– In future.
– Oh…
“Unless you…” the doctor again looked at Nadya’s documents, searching for something with her eyes. – You're not married, are you?
– No…
– Maybe there is a groom?
Nadya shook her head negatively.
“Then… the problem gets worse.” The fact is that this defect can be eliminated at your age. If you are having a baby soon.
Nadya leaned back in her chair and opened her mouth.
– Will I give birth… to a child?
The doctor nodded:
– A child. Not a mouse, not a frog, not an unknown animal, but an ordinary human cub. The task is quite feasible for a young, otherwise healthy girl.
“But not alone…” Nadya muttered sadly.
She never engaged in a targeted search for a groom, although she did not intend to remain an old maid all her life or go to a monastery. Nadya loved children with all her heart and really wanted to have her own someday. Only now she got used to relying on the will of God in everything, and lived in confidence: when the time comes, the Lord himself will send her a suitable man. But God, it seems, decided to put her before a choice, and also test Nadina’s determination for family life.
– What if I don’t give birth to a child in the near future?
“Then there is a chance that you will never give birth to him again,” the doctor threw up her hands.
She paused, pursing her lips.
– Why are you so upset? In the end, in our time such issues are resolved quite simply, and without great loss to reputation. Nowadays, being a single mother won’t surprise anyone. And then you will calmly get married and have a second child in a legal marriage.
Nadya rolled her eyes:
– No, no, this doesn’t suit me.
Who knows, Nadya will definitely burn with shame in front of her brothers and sisters in Christ if she does this. Yes, she won’t even raise her hand to this.
The doctor shrugged:
– So, look for a groom.
Nadya sighed heavily.
– How much time do I have?
The doctor frowned:
– A year is the maximum.
Nadya grabbed her head with her hands:
– Will you give birth in a year?
– At least get pregnant.
Still very little. After all, you need to find a man, get acquainted, meet for a while, fall in love, wait for an offer, submit an application to the registry office… It turned out that there were two or three months left to search, no more.
– Why are you so scared? – the doctor clasped her hands. – In the end, you are a pretty girl, and from everything you can see that you are positive. Any decent man with his hands will tear you off. “She beckoned Nadya towards her with her plump palm and said, lowering her voice: “You just don’t talk to candidates about your “shortcomings.”
* * *
“My dear, don’t be upset, everything will work out somehow,” mother wailed, stroking Nadya’s head with her full hand, as in childhood.
She sat on the sofa in the living room, disheveled and in tears. After leaving the hospital, Nadya first called her mother and immediately went home, and already in the family nest she was overcome by a full understanding of the current situation. Right now, within a couple of months, her fate will be decided: if she does not find a groom, she will have to go to a monastery. Because living alone in the world means leading yourself into temptation every day. And her conscience will not allow her to get married: who needs a wife who is unable to conceive and bear a child? But does it really happen that a groom, and a good one at that, with whom you can live your whole life, would appear as ordered in such a short time? But Nadya, as a believer, was not interested in the temporary option.
When she calmed down a little, mom decided to be frank.
“I so hoped that this wouldn’t affect you…” she said with a sigh.
Nadya stared at her mother in shock.
– You too..?
Mom nodded.
“I was twenty-two then, and the doctor said the same thing… He says I need it right now.” Your dad and I weren’t married yet, but I told him everything as it was, and he took on this responsibility. I prayed to God that this would not be passed on to you, but alas… The only joy the Lord sent me was that the next two children turned out to be boys.
Nadya's brothers, Misha and Gavrila, were still studying: the first at the medical academy, the second in the tenth grade of school. She herself taught at an elementary school and loved her job.
“But at least you had a fiancé,” Nadya sobbed, “but I can’t imagine what to do…
– The Lord will not leave you, daughter. The main thing is to pray, and dad and I will select a worthy candidate.
Chapter 1. Bride
Nadya was an exceptionally well-behaved and obedient girl. And in such a matter, which she did not even know how to approach, and even more so she trusted her parents. Parents, in turn, were ready to rush to the aid of their beloved child at any moment, especially in such a delicate matter. Dad, in general, believed that it was better to bring future spouses together with the older generation, because they are experienced, and their vision is not clouded by youthful passions.
Literally a couple of days after the fateful appointment, the doctor scheduled the first examination. More precisely, dinner with guests whom Nadya did not know before. Mom communicated with Tatyana Dmitrievna exclusively in the courtyard of the temple, but now this acquaintance threatened to suddenly develop into a relationship.
Tatyana Dmitrievna was a sailor's widow, a portly middle-aged lady and the happy mother of a young man named Anatoly, very intelligent and promising, as his mother certified.
From the very morning, Nadya’s brothers, notified of the evening event, giggled and laughed at their sister. Misha and Ganya unanimously asserted that they would choose their own brides and would never rely on the tastes of their relatives. Nadya didn’t pay attention to them, and there was no time for it: school in the morning, then cleaning and cooking. Mom insisted that the future bride should show her kitchen talents truthfully and in all its splendor.
“Maybe she won’t like him at all,” Ganya reasonably objected, sincerely sympathizing with his sister, who was matched blindly, and who was also forced to bake cakes and meat in French for this unknown groom.
Mom ignored these attacks, considering them unworthy of responding to them.
Finally, the moment came. Nadya was so exhausted by that time that, contrary to custom, they even put on a little rouge to make her look more attractive.
But this was not necessary.
This is because the long-awaited groom himself, standing on the threshold next to the large Tatyana Dmitrievna, literally looked like a gray mouse. He is short – a head shorter than his mother and barely reaches Nadya’s height, pale and wearing thick-rimmed glasses. These glasses seemed to occupy half of his expressionless face, and in terms of the brightness of the impression they overshadowed the young man completely. Tatyana Dmitrievna, on the contrary, made a fierce impression. A tall, one might say, monumental lady, with Rubensian features. Both son and mother were dressed modestly, old-fashioned and very closed. Buttoned down to the very last button. Tolik is wearing brown trousers, a yellow shirt and a gray knitted sleeveless vest. Tatyana Dmitrievna – in a spacious gray dress with buttons on the chest. Nadya herself preferred this style of clothing, so she was not embarrassed by the “unfashionability” of the potential groom. Only one detail left a slight unpleasant aftertaste – wet spots on the sleeves of the shirt peeking out from under the armpits and the accompanying strong smell of sweat – Nadya was extremely sensitive to this. However, she decided not to draw hasty conclusions and attribute this misunderstanding to excitement before meeting.
Stuttering and stammering, Tolik introduced himself to her and handed her a box of chocolates from a famous factory – at the same time, Nadya noticed how his forehead was glistening with sweat, and large droplets had already gathered above his upper lip. The young man's fingers were visibly shaking. He must be a very soft and delicate person,” Nadya mentally told herself in order to smooth out the first impression.
After joyful greetings between the older generation, we went into the living room at the table.
– Why did you prepare so much?! – Tatyana Dmitrievna gasped, throwing up her large hands.
– What about it? – Mom was surprised. – Guests need to be treated. This is all our Nadenka cooked…
Tatyana Dmitrievna shook her head:
“You’re doing great,” she said to her potential daughter-in-law, “but, of course, there was no need to worry so much, because overeating is harmful.”
Nadya looked down, feeling guilty, it was unclear why.
– Well, sometimes it’s possible, a little! – her father supported her, patting her on the shoulder, and sat down at the table.
“Let’s pray,” my mother suggested.
Everyone stood up. At the general request, Tolik muttered “Our Father” very quietly and indistinctly, but was not able to bless the food and drink at all, which caused a reproachful look from his mother, which could have drilled a hole in the metal.
Over the meal, communication flowed more casually. It basically boiled down to Tatyana Dmitrievna listing the merits of her son:
“Tolik graduated from school with a gold medal, yes…” she lightly touched her son’s hand with her fingers. – And an institute with honors. Teachers and lecturers couldn’t be happier with him. Do you know how many thanks they told me at graduation? So they persuaded him to go to graduate school, so they begged him… of course, in science now the cat is crying for young people, but why? Because they don't pay enough money. Do you know what the salary of an assistant professor is? The chickens laugh! You can’t live on this money – so I told Tolik, there’s no need to get involved in science. Go work as an engineer and you will roll like cheese in butter. You still have a family to support…
Unfortunately, Nadya could not boast of the same talents as her potential groom: she graduated from nine grades with half a B, and then went to a pedagogical school. According to the calling of the soul. She could, of course, finish high school and then enter a pedagogical institute, but she wanted to work specifically with small children – she would have gone to become a teacher, but her mother dissuaded her. Like, it’s too unprofitable a business.
Surprisingly, Tatyana Dmitrievna did not express the slightest condemnation of all these circumstances – on the contrary, she praised her potential daughter-in-law for her choice of profession:
– Why does a girl need a lucrative profession? Only to the detriment of the family. There he will build a career, instead of taking proper care of his husband and children. I have worked as an engineer all my life, but this is not at the behest of my heart, but because of my husband’s profession: he is always on his flights. If I lived at home, I would give birth to more children and take care of them, but it’s hard to be alone all the time.
It was clear from everything that Tatyana Dmitrievna really wouldn’t mind having a couple more, or even four more children. She constantly paid excessive attention to her son: she would either make a remark that he was slurping, snorting, blowing his nose loudly, and so on, then she would start wiping him with a napkin, then straightening his shirt, then smoothing his hair… Tolik was not left without her advances literally for a minute. Nadya even felt sorry for him, although he accepted all this maternal care with stoic patience, without showing that she was annoying him.
Tolik was silent almost all the time, leaving his parent to sing his praises. At some point, Nadya’s mother could not stand it and asked:
– Anatoly, please tell us about your work.
Tolik instantly turned poppy-colored and began to hum, cough and stutter:
– Uh… well… recently we completed a p-project for… ahem, a large residential complex. Hmm! And… well, uh, I, ahem, designed p-almost the entire sewer system in it…
His voice was quiet, uncertain, as if he was pronouncing a poorly memorized text. At the same time, Tolik constantly glanced at his mother, as if she were his prompter.
Tatyana Dmitrievna nodded approvingly, but this did not help her son become more confident. In the end, she took the initiative:
– Yes, yes, and the chief engineer in their company praised Tolik very much, he said that the sewer system was designed flawlessly, that he didn’t even have to fix anything.
– This is cool! – Nadya decided to support her potential groom, and at the same time build bridges with her potential mother-in-law. – You probably inherited your mother’s talent in this matter…
Tatyana Dmitrievna smiled flattered, but then Tolik, apparently from an overabundance of feelings, blurted out:
– No, I just pored over this sewer all day and night, and took it home, and my mother helped me…
Tatyana Dmitrievna gave her son such a hard look that Nadya even wondered if the boy would get a belt at home for this simple-minded sincerity.
After tea with homemade cake, which Tolik almost didn’t get (his mother said that sweets were bad for him because he had bad heredity for diabetes), the older generation, under a plausible pretext, left the young ones alone. The potential groom, pale as a sheet, was completely speechless, and Nadya had to take the first step herself:
– It’s strange that we didn’t meet in church, although our mothers have known each other for a long time…
– Why? – Tolik objected. – I saw you.
– Address me as you please.
Otherwise, she felt with him like a teacher with a student.
– Fine. I saw you.
Nadya remained silent in response. And what to say? “Why didn’t you come?”? This is a provocative question. Tolik will either have to admit his shyness, or that he didn’t really like her appearance.
There was silence, which Nadya again had to break herself:
– What other projects have you done at the company where you work?
Tolik shook his head:
– I’ve only recently worked there. This was my first project.
– So you just graduated from college?
– Yes.
How old is he? He is hardly older than Nadya… However, he looks even younger – without glasses he would pass for a teenager.
Nadya tried to stir up the young man again:
– What was your favorite subject at school?
But they didn’t give him an answer – the parents returned to the room from the balcony, where they allegedly inspected mother’s greenhouse (however, it is quite possible that the guest was really interested in this, unlike dad).
– Well, doves? – Mom asked friendlyly. – When is your next meeting?
Nadya and Tolik looked at each other in bewilderment.
– Tolik! – Tatyana Dmitrievna said sternly. – Didn’t you invite Nadya on a date?
The guy looked at the potential bride in confusion, but clearly could not come up with any sensible proposal.
– Clear! – his mother sealed him. “Again, we need to take everything into our own hands.” I know the day after tomorrow there will be a ballet at the Winter Palace…
Nadya’s mother clasped her hands:
– Tickets are probably already sold out…
– Don't worry, I have friends there. I'll get the tickets.
Mom smiled dreamily:
– Ballet! It is so beautiful…
Chapter 2. Night incident
On Thursdays, Nadya worked as a volunteer at the “Trust” maternity support center. The director of the charitable foundation, which supported the center, was Nadine’s godfather Leonid Rodionovich Kazantsev, an old friend of her dad. In fact, he was almost as close to her: he communicated with her from early childhood, instructed her in the faith, gave gifts and fatherly love. Leonid Rodionovich did not have his own children because he was not married: sometimes he said that not a single woman could compare with his first love, who married someone else, but Nadya did not know whether he was serious or joking.
“Trust” had its own kindergarten, but some mothers finished work later than the group closed, and Nadya helped whenever possible, doing drawings, handicrafts with the kids, or simply playing with them. However, that evening the mother of one girl, Varya, was late – it was already ten o’clock, and Svetlana still did not come for her daughter. An employee of the center called the missing person, but the phone was turned off.
– What to do? – the elderly attendant Katerina Savelyevna, who had to close the classroom and go on rounds, clutched her head.
“Maybe we should just put her to bed?” – Nadya suggested.
Varya was already six, not so little.
– What if something happens at night? Our children are not left alone like this, it’s not supposed to be.
Nadya sighed:
– Well, let me take her with me.
– Oh, dear, if you can, please take it. We have no one here to look after us…
– I just have to go to school tomorrow morning…
– And you bring her to kindergarten, the group opens at seven in the morning.
– Fine.
This, of course, is inconvenient – to run to the other end of the city so early – but Nadya’s Orthodox conscience did not allow her to abandon the child to the mercy of fate.
Varya went with her without objection: she already knew the evening nanny well and calmly accepted the news that her mother was late at work. I had to call a taxi, I couldn’t wait two hours on a bus with my child at such a time… We got there quickly, but everyone at home was already asleep. Nadya gave Varya a glass of warm milk and gingerbread and put her to bed in her bed. That night the girl woke her up crying.
– My tummy… hurts! – she squeaked, clutching her side with her hand.
The bed was wet.
Nadya woke up her mother. They whispered excitedly over the crying child for a long time (maybe not for long, but when a child cries, the minute seems like an eternity) and finally decided to call an ambulance. While they were waiting for the doctors, Nadya carefully changed Varya into dry clothes – she had to put on Ganina’s old panties, which fortunately were lying around on the mezzanine.
The doctors arrived, woke up the others, examined Varya – it turned out there was something wrong with her kidneys – and took her and Nadya to the hospital.
* * *
They got into the ward only after an ultrasound and several more examinations, as well as disputes over documents for the child. Varya was given a painkilling injection, after which she had to literally be dragged in her arms. Four o'clock in the morning also had its effect. But there was no peace in the ward either: a man was arguing with a nurse about a boy huddled on a bed by the window:
– Is there really nothing that can be done? Where is the doctor on duty? And what's that?! – He stared angrily at Nadya with Varya in her arms. – Why aren’t the wards separate for boys and girls? What a disgrace?
The old, even ancient nurse explained phlegmatically:
– The doctor has already done everything he can. Your son will feel better soon. There are no free rooms, thank you that there are still beds. If you don’t like it, go to a paid one…
But the man only boiled even more from her admonitions. And when the nurse ran away, citing medical matters, he turned his anger on Nadya: she managed to ask him if she and her son had any extra panties. Varya wet herself again.
– No, this is simply outrageous! – the stranger growled. – Shame on you! You are a mother! Couldn't you take your panties with you to the hospital? “He noticed that the wet pants that Nadya pulled off Varya and hung on the iron headboard of the bed were also boy’s pants. – Oh, you are one of those crazy mothers who give birth to children one after another and immediately forget about the previous ones!
Nadya’s cheeks flushed with inappropriate shame and resentment, but she was afraid to argue with the angry man and simply remained silent. She covered Varya with a blanket and ran to the nurse, hoping that the angry dad would not attack the sleeping girl. The nurse only gave me clean bedding – she didn’t have any children’s clothes.
Somehow, with great difficulty, Nadya rearranged the sheet right under the sleeping child – it seems that even a gun wouldn’t wake Varya right now. The gloomy type continued to walk around the ward in a coat over a tracksuit. His son was still lying on his cot, curled up and howling softly.
Having finished with Varya, Nadya took two cautious steps towards the boy. We need to help the child somehow! This evil parent clearly doesn’t know what a suffering child needs… Rounding the man in a large arc, Nadya went to the bed by the window and sat down on the edge at the boy’s feet. It turned out to be a teenager. His face was contorted in a grimace of pain, beads of sweat appeared on his forehead, he was breathing quickly and shallowly. Nadya carefully stroked the boy's disheveled hair. At first he froze as if in fright, but then he looked at Nadya, and the edge of his lips barely noticeably twitched in the semblance of a grateful smile. Nadya grew bolder, stroked the young man’s shoulder and side, moved to his back, and returned to his head. The boy seemed to close his eyes with some relief and let out a long breath. A little more – and his legs stretched down and his arms relaxed. The painkiller must have worked. A few minutes after Nadya’s manipulations began, the boy began to breathe more calmly and seemed to fall asleep.
She stood up and came across a man's gaze. Attentive, unblinking… fascinated? The teenager's father looked at her without looking away, standing motionless in the middle of the room. All the anger disappeared from him, surprise splashed in his eyes, as if he had witnessed a miracle. From the corner of her mind, Nadya noted that he was quite young for the parent of such an adult child, but why should she care? Not wanting to explain herself to the rude man, Nadya picked up her coat thrown on a chair and ran out of the room.