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Deciding it was best to ignore that issue, she simply said, “Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.” Turning her head toward the passenger window and away from his rugged profile, she stared out at the shadowy landscape and wondered if he was feeling the same tension between them that she was feeling. “When I left Idaho, I was still living in the house my mother left to me. Moving away from it has been—a little traumatic.”
“That was near Twin Falls, right?”
She glanced his way. “You remembered.”
“I remember most everything about you, Olivia.”
His comment was so unsettling that she didn’t make any sort of reply. After all, it was the same with her. She remembered everything about him, too. She just wasn’t brave enough to admit it to him.
* * *
Clancy took her to Bonito’s, a rustic Mexican restaurant located on the edge of the city. From their table by the window, the twinkling lights of the city stretched for miles toward the west and the mountains that rimmed Lake Tahoe. Meanwhile, just outside the wall of glass, a Joshua tree and a spiny barrel cactus framed the view.
“Do you eat here often?” Olivia asked as the two of them munched on the chips and salsa the waiter had left behind.
The eating area was rather small and nearly all the tables were occupied. Piped mariachi music was playing quietly in the background, although Clancy had informed her that a live mariachi band played on the weekends. The plastered walls were cracked in some places and the board planked floor had been there for so long that some of the nail heads had been worn away. It was just the type of place that Olivia liked and Clancy knew it.
“No. I don’t eat out much,” he said. “Greta, our house cook, always has nice meals fixed for the family. And I don’t leave the ranch unless I have a reason to.”
“Hmm. I guess I must have been one of those reasons tonight.”
He cocked a brow at her. “You could put it that way.”
Dropping her gaze from his face, she took a sip from her water glass. “You never were much of a social person. That hasn’t changed?”
“I’m not a hermit. I get out occasionally. But the ranch takes up most of my time.”
While they’d been engaged, Olivia had never carefully measured her words before she’d spoken them to Clancy. She’d felt free to say anything, about any subject. Now their past together was getting in the way, blocking the things that would have otherwise come naturally to her lips.
She said, “I’m sure it does. From what I hear, your family’s ranch has grown even bigger than what it was when you and I—when we were in college.”
The faint grimace on his face told her that he hadn’t missed the abrupt change of her words and suddenly Olivia realized how cowardly she was being. There was no point in trying to evade or dance around the issue of their past. It had happened. It couldn’t be changed. So there was no purpose in making herself miserable by trying to pretend otherwise.
He said, “Yes. It’s grown. My grandfather is still purchasing land whenever it becomes available. And like I told you the other day, we lease, too. Our lease land has also increased. So that means with more land, Dad wants more cattle. It’s a circle that goes around with my grandfather and father. And I have to try to keep up with the business ends of their deals.”
She smiled faintly. “That’s what you got your degree for. Now you’re putting it to use. I’m sure it must feel really nice to be able to put your knowledge and effort into something that actually belongs to you.”
Resting his forearms on the edge of the table, he leaned slightly toward her. “So tell me, Olivia, when did you go back to college? After your mother passed?”
Nodding, she said, “She died in the fall, after the semester had started. That was two years after I left UNLV. I waited until winter break to start my studies again. But I didn’t go back to Las Vegas. I had all my hours transferred to Boise State.”
A small frown furrowed his brow. “Oh. But you’d worked and saved just so you could go to UNLV,” he said. “It was your dream to get your degree there.”
When he’d said he’d not forgotten anything, he’d been right. Olivia wasn’t sure if that made her feel better or worse. She sighed. “Yes. But—well, some dreams just can’t come true. And I’ll be honest, Clancy. It wouldn’t have been the same without you there. So I—didn’t go back.”
Even though she wasn’t looking at him directly, she could feel his gaze slipping over her, weighing each word and expression. What did he expect to find? she wondered. What did he want to hear from her? That she’d made a horrible mistake by ending their engagement? That she’d been a fool for not trying to hang on to something as precious as what they’d shared?
“Some things just never turn out like we think they will.”
His remark shot an arrow directly into the middle of her chest. “No. Some things never do,” she murmured.
A long, awkward silence followed until Clancy finally spoke again. “Is that where you met your ex? At Boise?”
She shook her head. “No. I met Mark shortly after Mom died. I was still living in Twin Falls then and working as a bank teller. He was a carpenter and was a regular customer at that particular branch.”
“So what happened? Why did you get divorced?”
Because deep down I was still in love with you.
The thought sprang out of nowhere and she frantically shoved it away before she answered, “Because he turned out to be far different than what he first appeared to be. Before we married I made it clear to him that my plans were to go back to college and acquire my degree. He was perfectly agreeable with that until I actually became his wife. Then everything was different. He quickly decided that he didn’t want me going to college or having a job with the BLM. He also changed his mind about us having children. He believed our lives would be better without the complications that came with kids. In other words, all the things that were important to me, Mark wanted me to give up. I couldn’t do that, Clancy. I’m sure that makes me sound stubborn and selfish to you. But I had already made a huge sacrifice when I left you to take care of Mom. I wasn’t willing to make another one.”
“Is that what you call it? ‘A sacrifice’?”
Her throat was so thick, all she could manage to do was nod.
His gaze locked on hers. “Oh, Olivia,” he murmured ruefully. “Why did you marry him when you knew that I was waiting?”
The dark anguish in his eyes was more than she could bear. Jumping to her feet, she blindly hurried through the busy tables until she reached the ladies’ room.
Once inside, she dropped her head in her hands and allowed the scalding tears to flow.
Chapter Three
Eventually, a woman with a little girl entered the ladies’ room and the distraction forced Olivia to dry her tears and attempt to gather her composure.
Leaving the table that way made her look worse than an emotional teenager, she thought, as she pressed a damp paper towel beneath her eyes. But the only other option she’d had was to sit there and let him see a stream of regretful tears rolling down her face. And she wasn’t up to dealing with that sort of humiliation. Going back out there and facing him again was going to be bad enough.
Tossing the paper towel into a trash basket, she smoothed down the skirt of her black dress and with a bracing breath walked out among the diners. As soon as Clancy spotted her approaching the table, he rose to his feet and helped her into her chair.
Once he’d returned to his own seat, she quickly apologized. “I’m sorry, Clancy. I shouldn’t—”
“No, Olivia,” he interrupted. “I’m the one who should be apologizing. I shouldn’t have said that to you. Not here. Not now. Let’s forget it, shall we?”
While she’d been in the ladies’ room, the waiter had served their meal. One glance at Clancy’s plate told her he’d not yet touched his food. Which made her feel even worse. She’d not only embarrassed the man, she’d starved him on top of it.
“You should’ve started eating without me,” she said. “I wouldn’t have minded.”
“The waiter just brought it. So it’s still hot. No harm done.”
He looked across the table at her and she could see concern in his eyes. The notion that her feelings were more important to him than the meal surprised her and for the first time this evening, she felt herself start to relax.
“I am hungry,” she admitted, then joked, “It takes a lot of energy to have an emotional breakdown.”
To her amazement, he reached across the table and wrapped his hand firmly around hers. His touch was rough and warm and incredibly familiar. But how could that be, she wondered, after so much time had passed and so much had happened?
“And I don’t want you to have another one,” he said gently. “We’ll keep our talk in the present. Deal?”
She gave him a grateful smile, but underneath she was actually terrified. Being with Clancy wasn’t supposed to be affecting her this way. His touch shouldn’t be making her long for more, making her wonder what it would be like to kiss him again, make love to him again.
“It’s a deal,” she agreed, then carefully pulling her hand from his, she picked up her fork and started to eat.
He followed her example and as the two of them began consuming the spicy food, Clancy purposely steered the conversation to Olivia’s job.
“So, are you doing the same type of work here in Carson City that you were doing back in Idaho?”
“Yes. Land management. I worked out of the Shoshone district there. That’s where I started about seven years ago and I liked it. But this move to Carson City brought a small promotion with it. One that I’d worked hard to get.”
“So, what sort of things do you mainly look for when you’re seeing a piece of land for the first time?”
He appeared to be genuinely interested and that was something new for Olivia. The few men she’d dated in the past years never wanted to hear about her work. They mostly thought she just poked around in the dirt and looked at bugs and plants. None of them had understood or cared that nature had a rhyme and reason and her job was to make sure it stayed in balance. But Clancy made a living off the land. He understood.
“The watershed and whether there’s too much or not enough. Then we study the grasses, trees and other vegetation to see what sort of wildlife it’s capable of sustaining. Of course if it’s rangeland for livestock then other things are involved. But you’re a rancher, you already know all about that.”
He nodded and as her gaze swept over him, she wondered, as she had so many times, whether he’d ever married or if he had a special woman in his life now.
“Do you ever work with minerals?”
She asked, “You mean land that’s being mined?”
He nodded and she shook her head. “A little. Why? Is part of the Silver Horn land being mined?”
“No. But I’ve been getting calls from a lease hound. It seems odd to me. These days silver isn’t worth digging out of the ground.”
“Could be his connections are searching for the yellow stuff. Not silver.”
“Well, this is Nevada and I suppose there’s always someone out there who likes to take a gamble on finding a fortune,” he said.
“Yes. Finding it the easy way,” she agreed.
For the next few minutes, Clancy continued to focus their conversation on her job and then he changed it completely by suddenly asking, “What is your brother doing now? Is he still in the military?”
“He’s no longer in the army. But I couldn’t tell you what he’s doing now. The last time I talked with him he was in Oregon, working for a timber company.”
Glancing over at her, he picked up a tortilla and folded it in half. “So you two still aren’t close.”
“No. That will never happen. Todd is like our father. He doesn’t need or want to be close to anyone.”
“And what about your father? Do you ever see him?”
Her gaze fell to the food that was left on her plate. “A couple of years ago he showed up out of the blue. Said he was in the area and thought he should say hello. He didn’t even know that Mom was dead. When she passed, I had tried to locate him, but never had any luck. I honestly think he uses aliases just to keep the bill collectors and bookies off his back.”
“Learning that Arlene was gone must have been a shock for him.”
Shaking her head, she lifted her gaze back to him. “No. You can’t shock a person who doesn’t care, Clancy.”
“I’m sorry, Olivia.”
She gave him a brave smile. “See, I’m pretty much without a family. So I’d rather hear about yours. How are your brothers?”
“They’re all doing well. Evan is a detective for the sheriff’s department now. Rafe is foreman of the Horn and Finn manages our horse division. Bowie has been in the marines for close to seven years now. We thought he was getting out last year, but he re-upped for another stint. I think he’s still trying to decide what he wants to do with himself.”
Finished with her food, she laid her fork aside. “Do any of them have families?”
“Rafe. He married a nurse and has a baby daughter, Colleen. They live in the ranch house, too, so they’ve livened up the place.”
“That’s nice. But I’m surprised to hear that only one of your brothers has gotten married.” Her gaze wandered across his face until their eyes met. “Especially you.”
“Why do you say that?”
“When I thought of you these past years, I always pictured you with a wife and at least two children. What happened?”
He shrugged. “I never found the right person. And you? Do you ever think about trying marriage a second time?”
She hoped her smile didn’t reveal any of the sadness she was feeling. “Mark turned out to be the wrong person for me. But I still hope that someday I’ll find the right man.”
“I have no doubt you’ll find him, Olivia.”
* * *
A half hour later, after they finished dessert and coffee, the two of them left Bonito’s and Clancy headed the truck out of town, toward Olivia’s place.
The night had grown colder and bits of icy precipitation dotted the windshield. Throughout the drive, Olivia sat huddled in her coat, staring pensively ahead.
Spending the evening with him had been hard on her, Clancy decided. He’d not wanted or expected it to, but it had and that bothered him greatly. He’d not asked her to dinner in order to put her emotions through a meat grinder. Actually, if anyone had asked him why he’d invited Olivia to join him this evening, he wouldn’t have been able to give them a sensible answer. Except that seeing her that morning in the Grubstake hadn’t been enough. He’d wanted more time to talk with her, to make certain that the attraction he’d once felt for her was dead and gone.
What a damned fool notion that had been, he thought grimly. All through dinner, he’d hardly been able to keep his eyes off the woman. With a black dress hugging her curves and her dark hair waving upon her shoulders, she’d looked like a sultry vision. Time had matured her face into beautiful curves and angles and shadowed her eyes with smoky sensuality. Now all he could think about was taking her into his arms and making love to her.
When he pulled to a stop in front of her house and shut off the engine, she immediately unsnapped her seat belt and reached for the handbag resting on the floorboard near her feet.
“Thank you for the flowers and the delicious dinner,” she said somewhat stiffly. “It was very nice, Clancy.”
Her proper and polite response made him want to curse out loud. All during their evening, he’d felt her measuring her words, guarding her every reaction to him. The only time he’d seen a genuine emotion out of her was when she’d tearfully ran from the table. And she’d ended up apologizing for even that reaction.
“You’re welcome,” he told her.
He unbuckled his seat belt with the intentions of helping her out of the cab, but she quickly reached across the console and placed a deterring hand upon his forearm.
“There’s no need for you to walk me to the door. I know the way.”
Suddenly it was all too much and before he realized what he was doing, his hands were locked around both her wrists.
“Yes, the trail to your doorstep is easy to find. But do you know your way back into my arms?”
She drew in a sharp breath while her eyes grew wide with disbelief.
“Clancy.”
The moment she whispered his name, his gaze focused on the moist curve of her lips and he suddenly decided he couldn’t wait on her answer. He drew her forward until her upper body was pressed against his and his lips had covered hers.
He half expected her to draw back or try to resist him in some way. But he was wrong. She leaned into him and opened her mouth willingly beneath his, and as he deepened the kiss, his brain went haywire. The only commands it could follow were the urgings of his body telling him to keep kissing her over and over.
His senses were so lost, he didn’t know how much time had passed before one of her hands fluttered against his chest and she eased her lips away from his. The loss of their soft warmth was a shock to his senses and Clancy opened his eyes to see her face was a picture of astonishment.
“Olivia, I—”
Before she could finish, she turned away from him and jerked the door latch. “I’m going in!”
Even though she’d not mentioned him joining her, Clancy practically leaped out of the truck and rounded the cab so that he could help her to the ground.
Once she was standing next to him, he continued to hold on to her elbow. Cold wind whipped across the hood of the truck and spattered them with bits of snow, but Clancy barely felt it. His body still felt like a roaring furnace. “I think we need to talk about this, Olivia.”
“What is there to talk about? Nothing. This is it. I’m not going to go out with you again,” she said flatly.
With his hand still on her arm, he urged her toward the house. “Let’s go inside and get out of this weather.”
Thankfully, she didn’t protest. Instead she turned and made a dash for the house with Clancy following close on her heels. Once they were inside, she stopped in the middle of the living room and began removing her coat. Clancy quickly stepped forward to help her and for a moment, as he lifted the coat from her shoulders, he wondered how it would feel to always be privy to her closeness, to know that each night of their lives she’d be lying by his side, warming his body. Or would he constantly be wondering how soon it would be before she left him again?
“I can make us more coffee if you’d like a cup,” she suggested.
She was still trying to be polite and keep a cool distance between them. The idea was ridiculous and annoyed the heck out of Clancy, especially after she’d kissed him with such feeling.
He handed the coat to her. “Who are you trying to fool, Olivia? Me or yourself?”
She tossed the garment over the arm of the couch, then turned a confused look on him. “What are you talking about?”
He shook his head. “You just kissed me like you wanted to set me on fire. Now you act like we ought to sit down over a cup of coffee and discuss the weather.”
She closed the small space between them and he could see hot color staining her cheeks, but whether it was from anger or embarrassment, he had no way of knowing.
“It might as well be the weather, Clancy. Because that kiss—well, that was a onetime thing. Just chalk it up to old memories and leave it at that.”
Amazed by her response, he asked, “Leave it? Just like that?”
Her lips pressed to a thin line as she glanced away from him. “Why did you invite me out tonight, anyway, Clancy? To test me? Hurt me? Exactly what are you doing?”
Groaning with frustration, he lifted his hat off his head and wiped a hand through his hair. “The last thing I want to do is hurt you, Olivia. I—” Unsure of how to explain himself, he walked over to the couch and sank onto the edge of the cushion. With his forearms resting across his open knees and his hat dangling from his hands, he looked up at her. “Okay, Olivia, I’m going to be honest. You asked if I was testing you, but it’s really the other way around. I wanted to test myself. Ever since you walked out of my life, I’ve wondered how I would feel if I ever saw you again. Would I hate you or want you, or look at you with total indifference? After seeing you the other morning in the Grubstake, I had to find out.”
He could see her mind spinning as she walked over to the couch and sank down beside him. “And how do you feel?”
Her voice had dropped to a husky murmur and just the sound of it tightened his body with desire.
He blew out a heavy breath. “I think that kiss answers your question and mine.”
She didn’t make any sort of reply. Instead, she closed her eyes and bent her head as though she’d just been handed a prison sentence.
“Oh, Clancy, you can’t be serious.”
“I was serious ten years ago. Now I’m not sure how I feel. All I know is that when I look at you I still want you. And from the way you kissed me, I think you feel the same way.”
Her head jerked up and her gray eyes clashed with his. “And what if I do?” she challenged. “What if there is a flame still between us? That doesn’t mean we should try to fan it!”
“You think ignoring it would be better?”
Her hand curled over his forearm and Clancy felt the heat of her fingers all the way up to his shoulder. It wasn’t right, he thought, that this woman, of all women, had to be the one who lit a fire in him, who made him want and dream and love.
She said, “Look, Clancy, I’ve spent all these years trying to forget what happened between us. And I’ll admit that I agreed to this date tonight because I believed it would convince me that—well, everything we ever felt for each other was gone. That kiss was nice. Very nice. But I don’t want it to happen again. I don’t want to try to stir up old feelings and then—well, have it all end a second time.”
“You say that like you’re certain a second time around for us wouldn’t work,” he said.
“I’m not sure of anything,” she said flatly. “Except that I’ve already had one failed marriage. I don’t want to make any more mistakes.”
“Who said anything about marriage?”
Her spine stiffened and she pulled her hand from his arm.
“No one,” she said coldly. “You don’t have to marry someone to make a mistake with them.”
It was clear to Clancy that he’d said the wrong thing to her, but damn it, she had his head in such a spin he hardly knew what he was doing or saying.
“Olivia, I didn’t mean—maybe saying goodbye would be the right thing for us. But what we had all those years ago was special. I don’t think you’ll deny that. If some of those feelings are still there, we need to see where they might take us. If it turns out that all we have between us is a pile of dead ashes, then we can part knowing that we’re not losing anything.”
Groaning with anguish, she rose from the couch and walked across the room. Pausing in front of the picture window, she said, “And what if we rekindled our romance, Clancy? Where could that possibly lead us?” Glancing over her shoulder at him, she shook her head. “No. You’ll always resent me for leaving you and going to my mother. And—”
Before she could finish, he jumped to his feet and hurried over to her. “Get this straight, Olivia, I never had an issue with you going to help your mother. Dear God, I’m not heartless. She needed you. It’s the fact that you used her as an excuse to end our engagement. And then once she was gone, you chose not to contact me. Instead, you married another man. Why?”
Outrage clamped her jaws tight. “I’m not going to talk with you about that tonight! It’s none of your business. When I married Mark, you and I were already finished.”
“No! You were already finished, Olivia. Like a damned fool I was still hanging on, hoping that once things were resolved with your mother, you’d come to me. You cut me out of your life then and you obviously want to keep me cut out now. I should be able to get that through my head. But for some reason I can’t.”