Classics fantasy – 12

THE NEPTUNE IVANOVICH IS UPSET

– Jean! Johann! John! Johnny! Dzhiovanni!. Ioann! Ivan! Vanya! Vanyushka!

– And – and – aakh! – someone with pleasure yawned and turned over on other side.

It was heard as bed springs began to creak. Silence. And the first voice starts over again calling with different Yvgonatsiyami, raising, lowering sound intensity:

– Jean! Ivan! John!. – And suddenly shouted from all this: – Vanka, shelmets! Become before me as a leaf before a grass.

– Ah-ah, take foot! – Behind a partition the spring screamed, bare feet zashlepat on a floor. Someone breathed heavily a nose, tinkered in the dark, opened a door, rummaged around at a wall, clicked the switch.

The electric bulb hanging under a ceiling lit golden pine logs of walls, the wide window veiled by a dense curtain of dark blue cloth, a big drawing table at a wall on a table – old issue of Izvestia, drawing accessories, geodetic plans, several books, folders with papers. At other wall on a narrow iron camp-bed lay, having stuffed up hands for the head, the man of average years, dense, broad-shouldered, red-haired, with small moustaches and a small beard a wedge. Blue, widely open eyes stared in a ceiling, and on the left cheek the mark was seen: deep reddish scar.

– Gather, Vanyusha, is time! – told lying on a bed.

Vanyusha once again sighed. Very much he wanted to sleep. It stood in the middle of the room in one pants, sleepy, with the sticking together eyes. His face had childlike softness and roundness of lines, and a black hard hair stood a hedgehog. He raised eyebrows that eyes revealed rather, moved lips and scattered hands in the parties, warming up after a dream. Then approached a window, drew aside a curtain and, looking in an impenetrable gloom, told:

– Darkly still, Semyon Alekseevich!

– Until we gather, just right will be – Semyon Alekseevich Volkov answered.

Vanyushka Toporkov left to other room and switched on light there. This room was same, as well as the first. The bed, a simple chair, the shelf with books over a small little table and a locker at a bed made all its situation. In one of these rooms the oven was not visible. But, if to bend down, under a table it was possible to notice plates of electric heating. This highest manifestation of electrification in house life so did not go to all shape of a timbered izba.

Vanyushka Toporkov began collecting, without ceasing to speak because of a partition. It had a peculiar lack of the speech: Vanyushka did not utter hissing, “ш”, “щ”. Instead of and “ш” at it left “ф”, and instead of “щ” something between “in” and “ф”, but is closer to “ф”. Favourite its introduction was “the clown take”, and at him it turned out “foot take”. The more he worried, the more burred.

– Semyon Alekseevich. What I had a dream. As though the bolfuffy feltobryukhy whale came to us, lay on a kryfa nafy at home and crushed him as an egg shell. Mofet it to be?

– The roof will sustain, be not afraid. What you there long potter?

– Now, Semyon Alekseevich.

Vanyushka opened a case and took out a theodolite [51] of the special device, a tripod, a geodetic chain, a rubber bag from there. Having loaded all this on itself, it left to other room. Volkov already rose from a bed and strenuously did gymnastics.

Vanyusha looked at him, involuntarily repeated all his movements, at first slowly, and then, having thrown things on is whole, really. He squatted, got up, swung hands, satisfied bent down, unbent and, at last, finished:

– Ha-arofo, take foot! Morning exercises.

He packed things again and opened an external door of an izba.

For this door, in some distance from it, there was the second door – iron, densely driven. Vanyushka tinkered at a round lock and opened it. Before it the iron chamber opened.

This camera had volume in two cubic meters. Directly before Vanyushka in an iron wall the round door in meter diameter, similar to a big window was seen. In the right wall there was an iron case with the door which is removed sideways, and in left, below, two small round barred openings, on forty centimeters in the diameter were seen.

Vanyushka brought geodetic tools in the camera. After it in the camera Volkov dressed, as well as Vanyushka, entered one pants. Vanyushka opened a case and began to take out strange objects from there: two half masks consisting of a big black rubber nose and the points attached to it. From points there was a rubber holding them, and from a nose (from below – from nostrils) – two rubber tubes. Then Vanyushka took couple of electric lamps with rubber tapes and wires, a satchel, earphones, a dirk and, at last, heavy sandals with lead soles. Volkov and Vanyushka began to put on themselves all this armor quickly. First of all put on the satchels made of ferrous metal then black noses and points. The long tubes which were hanging down from noses they, helping each other, attached to special openings in satchels behind the back. Then put on the devices reminding earphones the head. These devices kept the flexible metal plate which is put on the head. Round earphones were densely attached to ears, and from earphones there were two tubes falling is a little lower than shoulders and terminating in small bells, as in phone tube. By means of a rubber tape on the head lamps were attached. Then travelers buttoned belts on which long dirks were hung up. At last, put on heavy sandals legs, having attached them belts.

Judging by their confident and bystry movements, such masquerade was made very often and became habitual. Nevertheless Vanyushka, having looked at Volkov, at his black huge nose, at convex points, at the dangling tubes ears, the satchel which is sticking out a hump and a shishkovidny lamp on the head, could not refrain from laughter nevertheless.

– Ah, take foot! Directly not the person, and purposely! Directly a dyadyufka from Mars.

Wolves, without paying attention to Vanyushka, densely closed a case, examined a door in an izba, approached a wall both abruptly and strongly turned the round crane. In one of openings suddenly with noise water together with little small fishes rushed. Water filled in naked legs to knees, and when reached a belt, Vanyushka began to jump up: the body did not cool down from warmth of a bed yet, and cool water not absolutely pleasantly tickled it. To get used to change of temperature at once, Vanyushka sat down on a floor and disappeared with the head, without expecting until water reaches up to the top.

In two minutes the camera was filled with water. Lit with a strong electric lamp, in greenish water small small fishes zaplyasat. Vanyushka, feeling that he became easier, rose from a floor and loaded on himself geodetic tools. Volkov unscrewed the round door similar to a window, and shifted it sideways. Before them the dark opening filled with water opened. They stepped through a threshold, height in a third of meter, and came to light. On Volkov’s head the electric lamp brightly flashed. Volkov pushed a round door, put out a lamp and stepped forward.

Travelers were surrounded by almost full darkness, but they surely moved ahead. Went on a slope from soft silt. At the left, where there was a coast, and dark green dregs ahead got denser, above water was slightly lighter. Weak rays of light made the way through five-meter thickness of water. And on the right impenetrable darkness stuck together. There was depth, the bottom slope went down there.

Sometimes the naked body was touched by long films of seaweed. Sometimes with scope the humpback salmon [52] will fly and will scaredly wag aside or a fancy small fish agonomat will scratch the bone guards. Vanyushka stepped on a big sink and stumbled.

He took the call which was hanging down from Volkov’s ear, brought close to the mouth, blew air from an external opening of a tube and, having pressed strongly lips, told:

– Perhaps, to light a lamp?

– It is necessary to protect electricity – Volkov answered. – Will brighten soon. Let’s go on a fukusny track, a bottom more purely and more small there.

They curtailed to the left, to the coast. It became lighter. And the sun rose above over the ocean, sticking hot beams into a cool of waters.

Through a quarter of hour Vanyushka looked up. Now water over the head was absolutely light. Vanyushka saw before himself the shaking seaweed, greenish and brown. Looking at these various figured plants, it was possible to think that they were created by the artist who tried to fill a lack of the original ideas with wealth, care and a variety of finishing. There were seaweed similar to ropes with many knots, seaweed elkovidny, web-footed, taenioid, with rough edges. At distance of two-three meters of Vanyushk distinctly saw these plants, and further everything was veiled, as on the earth in foggy day. Only this fog was special, greenish-gray. Big crabs quickly ran away from human legs, disappearing in thickets. The holothurias trepangs similar to the clumsy worms covered with shoots dug in silt. Numerous small fishes darted about between seaweed.

On a share of sea vegetation only three paints are released by the nature: green, brown and black. But the fauna sports both black, and white, and yellow, and orange, and blue, and violet. When the sun rose even above over the head, Vanyushka saw all this motley magnificence of fishes, mollusks, shrimps.

Deviating more and more to the left, to the coast, Vanyushka came to such place that his head suddenly rose over a water surface. The sun reflected by an easy ripple blinded it at once. When eyes got used a little, he looked at the sky, at the coast… No, after all the elevated world is immeasurably richer with paints, than underwater. As blueness of the sky how many light shades on clouds, mountains what woods what greens of meadows, yellowness of clay and the sands acting at the coast which are washed away by water is amazing.

Vanyushka uvidat the coast covered with the wood, a tea on waves, the Chinese fanza under a high fir-tree which is brightly lit with the sun. As distinctly everything is visible! As though Vanyushka under water looked in badly induced field-glass, and now this field-glass is precisely induced at focus.

Someone touched Vanyushka by a hand. Likely Volkov. Vanyushka wandered about an ocean floor not behind admiring a view. It was necessary to turn to work. Vanyushka plunged into water, took out from a rubber bag a geodetic chain, and Volkov – the book made of plates on which it scratched records by a stiletto. Vanyushka installed the tool, departed on the specified distance, touched the button on the head, and over his forehead the strong electric lamp was lit. Volkov directed the theodolite telescope at light and wrote down corners.

They went down below and below on a sloping bottom. Here it was more dark. Pressure of water was felt: it was more difficult to move, it was necessary to breathe more deeply and more often a nose, letting out the air from lungs through a mouth. Bubbles rhythmic took off from a mouth of Vanyushki which at the same time stuck out lips and blew out cheeks. It found what so to breathe “more tasty”.

Bright light of a lamp lit long films of brown seaweed, huge leaves an agar agar [53], similar to sheets of a burdock and covered with holes. Seaweed slowly waved and reached for the coast – inflow began. Vanyushka departed from Volkov on considerable distance. They exchanged words castanets which were held in hand between fingers.

“Semyon Alekseevich, why the sound so reaches me soon?” – Vanyushka tapped.

“Because in air the sound passes 322 meters, and in water 1450” – Volkov answered.

“And why so?”

But Volkov was busy – not time now to perestukivatsya.

And suddenly Vanyushki’s hearing caught some absolutely other sound – the remote percussion. Who it could knock? Perhaps, Pun called to have breakfast? But still early. Makar Ivanovich? But he was not going to put out to sea today.

“You hear?” – vystukat Vanyushka Volkov. “Yes – that answered. – Someone knocks in water”. Volkov and Toporkov stopped work, met together and extinguished lamps, and Vanyushka even undertook a dirk handle. The knock stopped. Vanyushka did not restrain. He pressed the button and again lit a lamp. Green dregs were lit. At distance of five meters not clear figure – more true, an indistinct spot of a spherical figure on human legs loomed. In process of approach of an outline of a figure became more and more distinct. It was now possible to distinguish that on an ocean floor there is a huge person, very slowly swinging veslopodobny hands. His trunk reminded a barrel – so it was thick and кругло. Some more steps – and the old man with the longest gray small beard which fluttered extensively as smoke, at each movement of water approached them. On it there were big points, and the rubber black nose gave to the face a strange look. The long shirt and ports twirled to knees made his suit. On huge bare feet sandals with heavy soles were put on. Around a trunk the network is wound, and in network live fishes fought. This network with fishes also gave to a figure of the old man published such extraordinary barrel-shaped look.

The old man stopped, placed hands, having lowered them down. With thumbs up these hands were reminded by the Neptune’s tridents, and the old man – sea god. Volkov and nicknamed him: Neptune Ivanovich Konobeev. Its real name was Makar. He smiled from ear to ear, starting up bubbles and baring healthy long white teeth. Volkov nodded to him and felt his hands.

In them there were no castanets. Volkov was surprised. Than the Neptune Ivanovich knocked in water? The old man had no ear trumpet, he did not know and Morse alphabets and therefore with it it was necessary to speak gestures. Volkov pointed to the castanets and again felt hands of a giant. Makar Ivanovich smiled, showed a mouth – and suddenly zashchelkat teeth. The sound much louder, than from castanets turned out. Vanyushka, having forgotten that he under water, burst out laughing, having released fireworks of bubbles, then has a fit of coughing and nearly choked. It clamped a mouth hands, somehow restrained, but for a while. The new fit of laughter captured it. Then Vanyushka quickly unfastened sandals with lead soles and, having made a start from a bottom, rose up as the children’s balloon which came off thread.

It came up on a surface. Waves downloaded it, and the surf incurred to the coast.

Vanyushka emerged near the fishing boat by which two Japanese sat. Having seen the terrible monster which came up from sea depth, Japanese with the eyes expanded for fear jumped in water as the scared frogs, and quickly floated from a chernonosy monster aside. And Vanyush – “and still struck a heat – suddenly zaulyulyukat by an inhuman voice.

On the surface of the ocean it was windy, solarly and cheerfully. It is hard it was possible to laugh, without being afraid to choke. Having laughed much, Vanyushka calmed down for a moment, lying on waves, and looked at the coast. In the distance the fanza under a high fir-tree was seen, stood near a fanza as a tolstenky strong fungus, the female figure, and at the coast howled a dog, having turned a muzzle directly to water. Vanyushka nodded, whispered “foot take!” and, having made a deep breath, fell by a bottom.

It managed to find Volkov and Konobeev in underwater dregs not at once. Inflow on the surface of the ocean carried Vanyushka to the coast, and it had to float over familiar footpaths, being confused in long films of seaweed and from time to time stopping to cut osklizly tapes a dirk. Water squeezed out up. Vanyushka was forced to dive to the bottom, to find for several stones and, having taken them in hand, to go to a way rather “balanced” for underwater travel.

Here somewhere in the distance, in a green haze, the spark flashed and draft beats of castanets were heard. Vanyushka answered with conditional three blows and quickened the pace. Fire moved towards to it. Vanyushka approached Volkov and Konobeev soon, Volkov grabbed a govoritelny tube of Vanyushki and made such look as though he twists it for an ear, then, having put a tube to lips, told:

– Johnny! It is impossible to be such thoughtless. You risked to die laughing. There are your galoshes!

– It would be the most cheerful death, Semyon Alekseevich – Vanyushka answered, putting on heavy sandals. – Howls! – it added.

– Who howls?

– Hunguz. There will be a scolding Makar to Ivanovich again – and, having addressed Konobeev, Vanyushka put a mouth a tubule and raised a howl, starting up bubbles.

Konobeev’s face was suddenly saddened. Eyebrows over big points moved, and moustaches and hair of a beard about a mouth bristled up. “Sea god” was angry or upset with something. It waved hands oars and went quickly to the coast.

– Semyon Alekseevich! I can look though with half an eye how she will abuse it? – Vanyushka asked.

– Jean! You forget about the duties! – strictly Volkov told. They turned to work again.

“TO FISH – WATER, THE EARTH – TO THE PERSON”

– And Makar Ivanovich quickly went, going to the coast. An ocean floor everything rose. Than closer to the coast, those the soil became more oozy from the alluvial earth and humus. The movement of water was more and stronger felt. The surf adjusted Konobeeva as strong wind. The old man leaned back back and hardly managed to touch legs. If not its huge force, would turn it long ago and cast with waves ashore as the broken ship mast. But Konobeev still fought. However, when it came to a sandy slope where water hardly covered the head, even it, the Neptune Ivanovich, could not resist. The ocean overcame. The surf was helped by the strong wind blowing to the coast. Water masses, elastic as soccerballs, rotating, lifted silt, sand, crabs, shrimps from a bottom, pulled out seaweed and rolled all this together with themselves to the coast and threw out with noise, hissing, a rumble. They, these water spheres, brought down from Konobeev’s legs and together with his network filled with fish threw out on a shallow and with deafening hissing were rolled away back.

Big dog – the Siberian laika of gray wool – with the scared yelping, having put the fluffy tail between the legs, jumped aside from Konobeev, then suddenly, choking with joyful bark, ran up to it and began to lick his wet person, damp glasses of points, a rubber black nose, the beard similar to seaweed, huge hands…

“Ah! Ah!” – the dog hysterical screamed; then, having unexpectedly turned on the place a top, rushed off a whirlwind to the fanza standing under a fir-tree. For bark of a dog a fanza there was an elderly tolstenky short woman, with chubby red hands and a red round face. On her head the clean white scarf with black peas was tied; a blue spacious jacket from the Chinese cloth and a black long skirt waved at each movement. The woman a vperevalka, in a duck way, hobbled to the coast.

Konobeev confusedly rose from wet sand and went to it towards, and the dog with joyful bark ran to the woman, to the old man until they met then the laika began to jump around them.

– Hi, old woman! – Konobeev told, shaking network in which fish trembled. – Here I … … small fishes brought that to you!

But the old woman did not pay to network with fish any attention.

– Remove you though a nasty ugly mug from a face, to look precisely! – she told strictly. – Water. Directly water! Also flows from it, as from utoply. Ha – and – рош! There is nothing to tell. Go, change clothes in dry, perhaps!

– Nothing, I will dry. Now warmly. Yes to me and back soon in water. Work waits.

– Yes you though to tea get drunk. Dampened probably there, in water. Long ago to tea not of saws.

Konobeev it is noisy sighed and took off from himself glasses, a rubber nose and a satchel.

His own nose was the little more beautiful rubber: big, fleshy, friable and in addition overgrown with a gray long hair. Hands with the big, inactive, very widely placed fingers and folded thick skin were surprising. And on palms the old man had real corn pillows. He freely put a hot piece of coal on these palms, without burning.

– However well, we will go, the old woman! With water let fish in the coil. Tomorrow you will weld an ushitsa. The humpback salmon is more, but there is also a herring, ivas…

Konobeev’s wife, Marfa Zakharovna, knew that her old man likes to chayevat. For this purpose she also enticed it with insidiousness of the woman into the Chinese fanza where a vein. When Konobeev crossed a fanza threshold, Marfa Zakharovna, quickly moving on a fanza the duck transfer, prepared tea, put fresh bread on a table and, looking at the husband pouring in a huge mouth in a glass behind a glass began to lecture it for “dissolute life”.

– Well have you ever seen anything like it, where it slykhano, that the person how a humpback salmon, in water of veins? To fishes – water, to birds – air, and to the person – the earth. So from time immemorial god put. You got into the wet place.

– However the person by air flies now better than any bird – Konobeev objected, sipping tea.

Marfa Zakharovna did not pay attention to this remark and continued, more and more increasing tone:

– If you married me, and live with me, but not with humpback salmons and seldyam. What you are a husband after that when herring is lovelier to you, than the wife? Forty years lived together, and here on you! As changed the person. Sdurel on an old age of years. I do not want and do not wish. Either I, or herring. Now to the woman free will. Here I will go to a registry office and I will divorce you.

– However … – there began Konobeev, but choked on tea. The dog began a bark, and because of a door Vanyushka seemed.

– Correctly, Marfa Zakharovna, correctly, mamafa! – Vanyushka shouted, appearing in the doorway in one pants. – Now not an old regime. But only you it is vain, a mamafa, on Makar you serchat Ivanovich. You better would come to live to us…

– What? I! Under water? To herrings? I am not a mermaid, in the name of God, that under water to live. With frogs, with reptiles sea.

– There are no frogs there, Marfa Zakha…

– Yes never!

– And you though looked, Marfa Zakharovna. There very much it is even excellent. In the sea ocean there is felezny mansion caps, and under caps – an izbufka. And in an izbufka and light-, and warmly, and any water – chilly quite. Both the tea, and sugar, and a samovarchik will be.

– You are better trousers a would plot, than to teach old people. Shameless person! And still Komsomol member.

– You are afraid, means?

– I am afraid of nothing. And I do not wish to dampen.

– And here Pun was not afraid. Brisket is more courageous than you. It at us on all hands. Both cooks, and farit, and washes clothes, and washes the floor.

– Washes the floor? Under water?

– Yes that you, really think that at us everything is filled in with water – both floors, and beds, and samovarny pipes? Anything similar! To the land, than in your fanza. Eh, here it is just bad: is not able to cook a dinner of Pun in an our way. As will weld on the Korean kufaniye – only one Ji Zi and bursts with appetite. And if you, Marfa Zakharovna, to us ff made how, you remember, ugoffyal me? I still lick fingers. You to us would cook yes faril and pies fish baked with a fish stuffing and pelmeni…

The praise worked – Marfa Zakharovna was softened, but going down under water, and did not want to hear.

– Come itself here pelmeni are – she answered, having smiled.

– However it is time for us – Konobeev told and began to put on himself a mask and diving vestments.

– My eyes would not look at you! – swinging the head, the old woman told.

– Anything special, however – Konobeev answered and went from Vanyushkaya to the coast towards to the flying waves. Waves roared, foam hissed on sand, splashes flew a rain, and Konobeev safely went forward.

– Hold me! – he shouted Vanyushke when they approached a breakwater. Vanyushka grasped a powerful hand of the old man. The first wave drenched them and nearly brought down from legs.