For The Sake Of The Children
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Why did this have to be so hard? Why couldn’t she have just said the words and Silas have been on his way, never to cross her path again?
Because something deep inside her told her that forgiveness didn’t work that way.
Rose looked at Silas, giving him the best smile she could muster. “It’s all right. I don’t mind. Matthew seems to be entertained by Milly, so I’m sure they will enjoy each other’s company.”
“And that’s something,” Joseph said, grinning. “I don’t think he’s gone this long without fussing since he was born.”
Rose sighed. She’d like to have argued with him, but he had a point. The ladies at church said he was the most contrary baby they’d ever met, and the most unkind ones said it was no wonder, given the circumstances of his birth.
With a thwap, the doll Milly had been waving in front of Matthew hit him on top of the head. Matthew began to wail.
Milly began to cry, as well. “Was assident.”
“It’s all right,” Rose said, patting the little girl with her free hand as she tried to soothe her son with the other. “I know it was. He’ll be fine.”
Then she stood, bouncing him and patting him in the way that sometimes got him to calm down. Red-faced and fists pounding, Matthew seemed completely uninterested in being comforted.
“I’m sorry,” Rose looked apologetically at Silas. “It truly wasn’t her fault. Matthew is just overly sensitive.”
She looked over at Milly, who clutched the doll to her chest. Her light eyes were full of unshed tears.
“It’s all right, Milly,” Rose said again. “Matthew’s tired, that’s all.”
The accompanying sighs from Joseph and Uncle Frank both said what she was feeling. Matthew was always tired. Just as they all were.
“He never sleeps,” Rose told Silas by way of explanation. “Just an hour or so here and there. Everyone says he’ll grow out of it, but for now, we’re all doing the best we can.”
“Can I try?” Silas held out his arms. “Everyone used to have difficulty getting Milly to sleep, but I always could.”
She should say no. At least that’s what the stubborn side of her said. But her arms were so heavy. So tired. And her practical side needed a break.
Rose handed the baby to Silas.
Matthew continued to wail.
Silas held him to his chest, tucking him tight against him. “Do you have another blanket for him?”
She grabbed one of the blankets from the side of the sofa. Silas wrapped it around the baby, pinning his arms to the side.
“He doesn’t like to be swaddled.” Rose gave a sigh. The first thing everyone tried with Matthew was swaddling him, and it only made him angrier.
True to form, his already-red face grew brighter, and his wails louder.
Silas loosened the blanket and began rocking him gently, whispering things that Rose couldn’t hear, that Matthew probably ignored. His cries were too loud for him to hear anything. At least that’s what Rose figured. But as Silas pressed Matthew against his chest, continuing to murmur whatever he’d been murmuring, Matthew began to quiet.
Then Silas sat, unwrapped the baby and played with his legs, rubbing his stomach. “His stomach hurts,” Silas said.
Rose sighed. “I know. Everyone says it’s gas, and he’ll grow out of it. But peppermint water does nothing for him.”
Silas nodded. “I know, little fellow. It’s rough, isn’t it?” Looking up at Rose, he said, “Rub his stomach like this. It’ll help.”
“How do you know?”
“Experience.”
Matthew stopped crying. His big eyes stared up at Silas, watching him.
“And the Garretts don’t think you can take care of your daughter?” Rose watched him, transfixed. No one had ever been able to get Matthew to calm down. Even the doctor, who’d tried every remedy he knew, hadn’t been able to make Matthew’s tummy troubles go away.
“Men don’t know anything about how to take care of babies.” He used a baby voice as he smiled down at Matthew. “But we know that’s not true, now, don’t we?”
Silas returned his gaze to Rose. “This is going to sound crazy, but stop drinking milk, and eating anything made with milk. I’m fairly sure that’s what’s making Matthew’s stomach so upset.”
“Milk?” Uncle Frank sounded surprised. “But that’s what babies need to be healthy. We’ve been making sure all of our mothers get extra to pass on to the babies.”
Rose couldn’t help but sigh. She wasn’t fond of milk, but at every meal, someone was pressing an extra glass of milk into her hand, telling her it was good for the baby.
“It’s good for most babies, but some babies can’t tolerate it. Milly was fussy as a baby, and I remembered my mother talking about how when I was a baby, someone told her to stop drinking milk, and it would make me less fussy. It worked for me, so I asked Annie to give it a try. Milly stopped being so fussy.”
Then he let out a long sigh. “One more battle with the Garretts, I’m afraid. I don’t give Milly milk, even now. The Garretts make her drink a big glass every day. She’s done a lot better now that she’s away from them.”
Rose looked down at Matthew, who’d fallen asleep in Silas’s lap. He seemed content, and Silas still rubbed his stomach. Rose memorized the motion. If nothing else, she could try it on him herself.
“I don’t know if you remember,” Silas continued, “but I don’t drink milk. I never acquired the taste for it. That’s why my mother always kept goats. We’d drink their milk, eat their butter and cheese, and it never bothered me the way cow’s milk did. People always thought we didn’t have cows because we couldn’t afford them, but the truth was, goat milk always suited us better.”
Actually, she did remember. Aunt Ina had invited Silas over to supper one night, and she’d poured everyone the half a glass of milk she allotted them once a week, and Silas had surreptitiously given it to Rose. At the time, Rose had thought he was being generous in letting Rose have the extra, but now she understood.
“When you gave me your milk, it was so you didn’t have to drink it.”
Silas shrugged. “Partially. But Ina was so stingy with her portions of everything. I knew how hungry you were. I’d seen you slip a piece of meat to your brother, Daniel, and your roll to your sister, Bess. It didn’t seem fair that you always went without.”
“Well, we have plenty now.” Rose gave half a smile. “But I thank you for noticing when no one else seemed to care.”
That’s what she’d loved about Silas. He’d cared for her once. When they’d meet for their secret picnics, he’d always brought a basket of food, inviting Rose to eat all she wanted. When the girls at church had taunted her about her worn ribbons, Silas would have a new one for her. He’d brought them eggs, telling Aunt Ina that one of his mother’s customers didn’t need any this week, and he didn’t want them to go to waste.
If it weren’t for Silas’s generosity, and that of a few others, Rose was certain they’d have all wasted away from her aunt’s stinginess.
“I meant what I said about watching Milly for you,” Rose said quietly. “I’ve been so focused on my heartbreak that I’d forgotten about our friendship. Joseph is right. You and your family were good to our family when so many people ignored our plight. It would be wrong of me to turn my back when you need our help.”
Comprehension flittered across Silas’s face, and Rose’s shoulders felt lighter, like some of the load she’d been carrying had been taken off. She’d never admitted to her heartbreak. Never told Silas that he’d hurt her. Only attacked him. But in acknowledging the feelings that had trapped her for so long, Rose finally felt like she could breathe in his presence without it hurting so much.
They were different people now, leading different lives. But if Rose kept focusing on how much he’d hurt her, the pain would never leave. She took a deep breath. Focusing on the good things, and the reason she should help him—that would be the key to moving on. The key to finally forgiving Silas once and for all.
Chapter Three
They’d found a comfortable rhythm over the past few weeks. Uncle Frank had insisted that Silas and Milly stay with them. A boardinghouse was no place for a small child who needed to run and play. With Joseph and Annabelle’s house next door and Mary living with her husband, Will, nearby, the Lassiter house had plenty of room for Silas and his daughter.
The perfect arrangement, except that as much as Rose tried to feel more positive toward Silas, the ever-present ache in her stomach when he was around never seemed to dissipate.
Even knowing he’d been right about the milk didn’t seem to ease the trouble in her heart. Rose tucked the blanket around her sleeping son, grateful that she’d gotten Matthew and Milly to take naps at the same time in the afternoon. She’d have two hours all to herself.
In the beginning, she’d used nap time to catch up on her sleep. But now that Matthew was sleeping through the night, Rose wasn’t as weary.
As she closed the door behind her, she saw Silas coming up the stairs.
“What are you doing home so early?”
Silas gave an easy smile, the kind that had once left her breathless. Now it gave her a different feeling, an old ache like what Maddie often described as her joints acting up when the weather moved in. It wasn’t that she still had feelings for him, Rose told herself. They were different people now.
Silas answered, “Your brother asked me to visit some of the smelting operations in town. He’s not sure we’re getting the best deal we could be, so he wanted me to look into it. I thought I’d come here for some lunch and to say hello to Milly.”
She hadn’t remembered Silas to be much of a man of business. In truth, she hadn’t known all that much about him, other than he helped run his father’s farm. The more Rose examined her heart and her romantic follies, she realized how she’d always rushed headlong into what she’d thought was the perfect relationship, without giving the situation much thought at all.
That was the most acute pain she felt when he gave her those beguiling smiles. How great a fool she’d been.
“I didn’t realize you were such a businessman,” Rose said, giving him a smile to cover up the tumultuous thoughts in her head.
“My mother used to say that if it hadn’t been for my negotiating skills, Pa probably would have lost the farm a lot sooner.” He gave a wry grin. “Guess it didn’t matter so much in the end.”
“I’m sure it gave him great comfort to have still had some claim to the farm until his death.”
Silas nodded slowly. “That’s what Ma said. I shouldn’t be too hard on myself for how things turned out.”
Rose’s heart softened as she remembered Mrs. Jones. “How is she? I can’t believe I haven’t asked after her until now.”
“She’s well. Moved in with her sister, Bertha, after Pa died. I know she’d help me if she could, but they’re barely getting by as it is. I wouldn’t want to make things harder on them than they already are.”
A frown furrowed his brow, then disappeared. “I’ve sent them some money to cover what I borrowed to get here, but I hope to send more to help them out once I get things settled with the Garretts. The lawyer Frank recommended is good, but he doesn’t come cheap.”
It was on the tip of Rose’s tongue to offer to help, but she knew it would only offend Silas’s pride. He was already upset with her because she’d bought a few new dresses for Milly. She’d been unable to resist when she’d seen them displayed at the dressmaker’s. Clothes for baby boys simply weren’t as adorable as they were for little girls. It had been a pleasure shopping for Milly. Not so much when she’d had to face Silas’s anger as a result.
Instead, Rose brought the conversation to the case. “Any progress with the Garretts?”
Silas shook his head. “We haven’t approached them yet. My lawyer is waiting to put a few things together first. He’d like to have everything in order so they have no ground to stand on.”
“But surely they don’t? You’re Milly’s father. You have a good job, a good place to live...”
“I’d like to think so. But with the money and influence the Garretts have back in Ohio, we want to be sure.”
A commotion downstairs drew Rose’s attention. “Would you mind coming down with me to see what’s happening? There usually isn’t any trouble, but with Uncle Frank off visiting parishioners and everyone else off at work, I don’t want Maddie to have to handle things on her own.”
“Of course.” Silas had already turned toward the stairs before the words finished leaving his mouth.
In the entryway stood an older couple whose faces Rose immediately recognized. The Garretts. She paused, her feet stuck to the last stair like it was coated in thick, deep mud.
Maddie, who had let them in, gave Rose a nod, then glanced in the direction of the back door. The family’s signal that she was going for help. And with the way the Garretts were lit up, they were going to need all the help they could get.
“I demand to see my granddaughter,” Mrs. Garrett said, her nasal voice echoing in the foyer.
“She’s sleeping,” Silas said, looking back in Rose’s direction.
Rose nodded and stepped forward as Maddie slipped out the back. “Yes. I’ve just laid her down. She won’t be awake for at least an hour.”
“What does that doxy have to do with my granddaughter?” Mrs. Garrett’s icy expression told Rose that she knew of Rose’s circumstance. Usually, it didn’t bother her when people looked down on her for her sin. She knew what she’d done, knew it was wrong and knew that God had forgiven her.
But Mrs. Garrett’s censure brought her back to the shameful place where she once could barely hold her head up in church.
“Rose is my nanny,” Silas said, his tone equally cool. “And she’s doing an excellent job.”
“Is that so?” Mrs. Garrett’s hard glare shot Rose straight through the heart. “A woman of her morals—”
“Will be an excellent influence on my daughter. Rose spends a good deal of time volunteering for the church’s many charitable endeavors, and it warms my heart to see her teaching the children from an early age to care for others who are less fortunate.”
Silas’s defense of her made Rose’s heart do a funny flip-flop. Not in the way his smiles used to, but something deeper. Something that said he saw her for who she was. While her charitable works were no secret, she also didn’t shout them from the rooftops. As much as she had grown and changed as a result of her pregnancy and having Matthew, Rose had never felt compelled to announce those changes to the world. Rather, she’d hoped people would see how differently she lived her life.
“That may be the excuse you give everyone else, but we know differently. That Jezebel was chasing after you in Ohio, trying to steal you away from our Annie when you’d already been promised to her. Had we not switched churches, I’m sure she’d have tempted you to forsake your marriage vows. And now, here she is, living in a den of sin, and you’re right in the middle of it. If you think we’re going to let our beloved granddaughter be raised in such a place...”
As Mrs. Garrett paused to take a breath, Uncle Frank came in through the back.
Breathing hard, Uncle Frank held out a hand. “Welcome to the parsonage, Mr. and Mrs. Garrett. I wish you’d have let us know you were coming. We would have had someone meet you at the station.” Uncle Frank gave a bright smile, but his eyes were dark, angry. “At the very least, we would have had tea ready for you. Fortunately, Silas and Rose kept you entertained so that Maddie could fetch me, and now she’s preparing a tray for us all. Please, won’t you join us in the parlor?”
He gestured toward the parlor, and Mr. and Mrs. Garrett exchanged glances.
“This is the parsonage?” Mr. Garrett looked around.
“Why yes,” Uncle Frank said, smiling as he saw the confusion written all over their faces. The Lassiter house was much larger than the average home in Leadville, and though it was nothing grand in comparison to Ohio standards, many people questioned how a preacher could live in such a fine place. “I suppose it’s a misnomer since the church doesn’t pay for it. My father left me a goodly inheritance, and I’ve never drawn a salary or asked the church to pay for anything. More money for the church, you know.”
He gave an indulgent smile as he sat in his favorite chair. “Do sit down and tell us about your trip. I imagine you must be eager to see Milly, but we wouldn’t want to disturb her nap.”
The Garretts looked as baffled as Rose felt. Silas said he was waiting to contact them, yet here they were. Though Uncle Frank gave a few subtle signs of not being pleased they were here, he acted like this was a social call instead of an attempt to take Milly from her father.
“We heard Rose had run away to a den of sin,” Mr. Garrett said, looking around.
Rose’s stomach churned. She should have known that word of her troubles had gone back to Ohio, but why would they think she was still mired in that lifestyle? Why hadn’t word of her repentance also gotten back?
She sighed. Most folks just wanted to see the wrong in a situation, not the good. Not the redemption.
“Rose is a vital part of our ministry at Leadville Community Church,” Uncle Frank said smoothly. “I’m surprised you haven’t heard of it.”
His defense of her only served to put sour expressions on the Garretts’ faces. “We’re only concerned for Millicent’s well-being.”
“Milly is just fine,” Silas said, emphasizing Milly’s name. From the twitch in his jaw, Rose could tell this was a fight they’d had before.
Maddie entered the room with a tea tray, busying herself with serving everyone, but Rose caught the watchful way she regarded the Garretts.
“You can hardly blame us, worrying the way we do,” Mrs. Garrett said firmly. “You ran away in the middle of the night, sneaking off with our only grandchild with no word of where you were taking her. A man with no means, and no experience raising children. If it hadn’t been for our investigator, we’d have no idea where to find her.”
Mr. Garrett pulled a paper out of his pocket. “This here’s from our lawyer. You’ll find the terms quite generous. We just want Millicent safely home.”
Rose watched as Silas read the paper. His face turned red as he examined its contents briefly before tossing it back at the Garretts.
“You want me to sell my daughter?”
Mr. Garrett smoothed the paper. “I wouldn’t call it, selling, precisely. Merely financial consideration for your trouble. As you know, we can give Millicent the best of everything, and we want you to have a token of our gratitude for allowing us the opportunity to give her the life she deserves.”
The skin on Rose’s arms prickled, and she rubbed them, despite the room being quite warm. Even the cup of tea Maddie pressed into her hand before leaving the room did nothing to stave off the chill. She’d known the Garretts to be self-serving, but this seemed to be going too far.
“Milly deserves a life with her father,” Silas said, standing. “I won’t allow you to take her from me.”
* * *
Silas couldn’t believe the gall of the Garretts to offer money for Milly, as though she were a prized horse. But that’s exactly what she was to them. Hadn’t they done the same with Annie? Dangling her and the farm out for the highest bidder? Had it not been for the clear stream that flowed on the Jones farm, Silas wouldn’t have been considered for the prize of their daughter.
What would Milly’s life be like, paraded around in frilly dresses, expected to act in accordance with their wishes? They might be selling the farm, but what price would they eventually put on Milly’s hand?
Silas’s stomach churned.
“Now, Silas,” Mrs. Garrett said in the sickeningly sweet tone that he’d always hated. “Do you think you’re giving Millicent any kind of life, with you working in a dirty mine all day, exhausting yourself? You’re not really raising her, now, are you?”
Then she glared at Rose. “And I will not have my granddaughter cared for by a doxy.”
“That’s enough,” Silas said, clenching his fists as he raised his voice to the older woman. If she’d been a man, he’d have punched her. “You have no right talking about Rose that way. You don’t even know her. She does an excellent job watching Milly, and I won’t hear you slander her character that way.”
“She did have a child out of wedlock, did she not?” Mrs. Garrett said in such a condescending tone that Silas felt the blood rushing to his hands. Violence never solved anything, but it was tempting.
“Yes, she did,” Frank answered, using the same calm tone he’d used during the entire time the Garretts had been there. “And while it’s easy for us all to cast stones at such a blatant sin, not one of us is so pure that we can. Rose has done an exemplary job of turning her life around, and I am sure we can all learn from her example.”
Silas saw the shame flash across Rose’s face until it settled on her cheeks as a faint pink. Her lips moved slightly as she briefly closed her eyes. She was praying. The Rose he’d known had gone to church, of course. They all went to church. But this Rose seemed to be deeply aware of her connection to God, and as the others discussed her behavior as though she wasn’t in the room, she took the discussion where it belonged—in prayer. Silas himself hadn’t even developed a close relationship with God until recently. Until circumstances, and needing to be a better man for his daughter’s sake, had made it clear that living his life without the Lord was no way to live at all. Perhaps becoming parents had changed them both.
The Garretts, however, didn’t have the same reaction. Mrs. Garrett pursed her lips in the disapproving way Silas had come to dread, and Mr. Garrett patted her hands.
“That may be so, Preacher,” Mr. Garrett said, “but why should our dear, sweet Millicent have to suffer for Rose’s sin? We are prepared to give Millicent a good home, where those living under our roof have never strayed from our good Christian values. Silas means well, but he can’t give Millicent the life she deserves.”
“How, exactly, does Milly suffer because of Rose’s sin?” The question was out of Silas’s mouth before he thought about it. Before he could consider that he’d be opening up Rose to more criticism.
Mrs. Garrett snorted. “I would think that’s obvious. I can’t see any of the respectable families receiving Millicent when she’s older because of Rose’s influence. And how will she make a proper match guided by someone who clearly put the cart before the horse?”
“Milly is two,” Silas said quietly. “She needs to be thinking about being a child, not finding a husband. And as for being received by the respectable families, kindly remember that the Stones are one of the most respected families in Leadville, aligned with the Jacksons of the Jackson banking empire, of which I’m sure you’ve heard.”
The Jackson name was prominently displayed on many buildings in town, their bank being the primary source of funding for many of Leadville’s business endeavors. They were also at the very top of Leadville society, patrons of most major charities, and though the Garretts had likely only been in town a short while, they would recognize the name.
“It’s true,” Frank said, nodding. “I don’t hold much for ranking people according to their importance in society, but I’ve always been appreciative of how well-received our Rose is. Naturally, Milly accompanies Rose when she goes visiting. I’m sure you’ll be pleased to know that Milly gets along very well with all the other children.”
The Garretts did not look pleased. Rather, they looked like someone had just told them the tea they’d been drinking had been laced with arsenic.
“Indeed,” Rose said, smiling. “And since you are so concerned with her spiritual welfare, let me assure you that she is learning to say her prayers, and I spend time every day reading Bible stories to her.”
Frank nodded. “We also have family Bible time every night. But do tell me, what does your spiritual practice look like? I always like to hear ways we can deepen our relationship with the Lord.”