A Merry Dialogue Declaringe the Properties of Shrowde Shrews and Honest Wives

A Merry Dialogue Declaringe the Properties of Shrowde Shrews and Honest Wives

Eulalia. God spede, & a thousand mine old acqueintāce. xantippa.

xan. As many agayn, my dere hert. Eulalia. me semets ye ar warē much faire now of late.

Eula. Saye you so? gyue you me a mocke at the first dash.

xan. Nay veryly but I take you so.

Eula. Happely mi new gown maketh me to loke fayrer then I sholde doe.

xan. Sothe you saye, I haue not sene a mynioner this many dayes, I reken it Englishe cloth.

Eu. It is english stuff and dyed in Venis.

xan. It is softer then sylke what an oriente purpel colore here is who gaue you so rich a gift.

Eu. How shoulde honeste women come by their gere? but by their husbandes.

xā. Happy arte thou that hathe suche an husband, but I wolde to god for his passyon, that I had maryed an husband of clowts, when I had maried col my good mā.

Eula. Why say ye so. I pray you, are you at oddes now.

xā. I shal neuer be at one wt him ye se how beggerly I go. I haue not an hole smock to put on my backe, and he is wel contente with all: I praye god I neuer come in heuen & I be not ashamed oftimes to shewe my head, when I se other wiues how net and trim they go that ar matched with farre porer mē then he is.

Eula. The apparell of honest wiues is not in the aray of the body, nor in the tirements of their head as saynte Peter the apostle teacheth vs (and that I learned a late at a sermon) but in good lyuynge and honest conuersacion and in the ornamentes of the soule, the cōmon buenes ar painted up, to please manye mennes eies we ar trime ynough yf we please our husbands only.

xan. But yet my good man so euyll wylling to bestow ought vpon his wyfe, maketh good chere, and lassheth out the dowrye that hee hadde with mee no small pot of wine.

Eulaly, where vpon?

xantipha, wheron hym lykethe beste, at the tauerne, at the stewes and at the dyce.

Eulalia Peace saye not so.

xan. wel yet thus it is, then when he cōmeth home to me at midnight, longe watched for, he lyeth rowtyng lyke a sloyne all the leue longe nyght, yea and now and thē he all bespeweth his bed, and worse then I will say at this tyme.

Eulali. Peace thou dyshonesteth thy self, when thou doest dishonesteth thy husbād.

xantip. The deuyl take me bodye and bones but I had leuer lye by a sow with pigges, then with suche a bedfelowe.

Eulali. Doest thou not then take him vp, wel favoredly for stūbling.

Xantip. As he deserueth I spare no tonge.

Eulalia. what doth he thē.

xantip. At the first breake he toke me vp vengeably, trusting that he shoulde haue shakē me of and put me to scilence with his crabid wordes.

Eula Came neuer your hote wordes vnto hādstrokes.

xantip. On a tyme we fel so farre at wordes yt we wer almost by ye eares togither.

Eula what say you womā?

xan. He toke vp a staffe wandryng at me, as the deuill had bene on hym ready to laye me on the bones.

Eula. were thou not redye to ron in at the bēch hole.

xanti. Nay mary I warrant the. I gat me a thre foted stole in hand, & he had but ones layd his littell finger on me, he shulde not haue founde me lame. I woulde haue holden his nose to the grindstōe

Eulalia. A newe found shelde, ye wanted but youre dystaffe to haue made you a speare.

xantip. And he shoulde not greatlye a laughed at his parte.

Eulali. Ah my frynde. xantyppa. that way is neither good nor godly,

xantippa what is neither good nor godly. yf he wyll not vse me, as hys wyfe: I wil not take him for my husbande.

Eulalya. But Paule sayeth that wyues shoulde bee boner and buxome vnto their husbandes with all humylytye, and Peter also bryngethe vs an example of Sara, that called her husbande Abrahame, Lorde.

xantippa. I know that as well as you thē ye same paule say that men shoulde loue theyr wyues, as Christ loues his spouse the churche let him do his duete I wil do myne.

Eula. But for all that, when the matter is so farre that the one muste forber the other it is reason that the woman giue place vnto the man,

xan. Is he meete to be called my husbāde that maketh me his vnderlynge and his dryuel?

Eula. But tel me dame xātip. Would he neuer offre the stripes after that

xātip. Not a stripe, and therin he was the wyser man for & he had he should haue repented euery vayne in hys harte.

Eulali. But thou offered him foule wordes plentie,

xantip. And will do.

Eula. What doth he ye meane seasō.

xantip. What doth he sometyme cowcheth an hogeshed, somtime he doth nothing but stande and laughe at me, other whyle takethe hys Lute wheron is scarslie three strynges layenge on that as fast as he may dryue because he would not here me.

Eula. Doeth that greue thee?

xantippa. To beyonde home, manie a tyme I haue much a do to hold my handes.

Eula. Neighbour. xantip. wylt thou gyue me leaue to be playn with the.

xantippa Good leaue haue you.

Eula. Be as bolde on me agayne our olde acquayntaunce and amite, euen frō our chyldhode, would it should be so.

xantippa. Trueth you saie, there was neuer woman kinde that I fauoured more

Elaly Whatsoeuer thy husbād be, marke well this, chaunge thou canst not, In the olde lawe, where the deuill hadde cast aboone betwene the man and the wife, at the worste waye they myght be deuorsed, but now that remedie is past, euē till death depart you he must nedes be thy husbande, and thou hys wyfe,

xan. Il mote they thryue & thei that taken away that liberty from vs

Eulalia. Beware what thou sayest, it was christes act.

Xā. I can euil beleue that

Eula. It is none otherwyse, now it is beste that eyther of you one beyng with an other, ye laboure to liue at reste and peace.

xantyppa. Why? can I forgeue him a new,

Eu. It lieth great parte in the womē, for the orderinge of theyr husbandes.

xan. Leadest thou a mery life with thine.

Eula Now all is well.

xan. Ergo ther was somwhat to do at your fyrste metying

Eula. Neuer no greate busynes, but yet as it, happeneth now and than betwene man & womā, there was foule cloudes a loft, that might haue made a storme but that they were ouer blowen with good humanitie and wyse handlynge. Euery man hath hys maner and euery mā hath his seueral aptite or mynde, and thinkes hys owne way best, & yf we list not to lie there liueth no mā without faulte, which yf anie were elles, ywis in wedlocke they ought to know and not vtterly hated

xan, you say well,

Eulalya. It happeneth many times that loue dayes breketh betwene man and wife, before ye one be perfitly knowē vnto the other beware of that in any wife, for when malice is ones begon, loue is but barely redressed agayne, namely, yf the mater grow furthe unto bytter checkes, & shamfull raylinges such things as are fastened with glew, yf a manne wyll all to shake them strayght waye whyle the glew is warme, they soone fal in peces, but after ye glew is ones dried vp they cleue togither so fast as anie thing, wherefore at the beginning a meanes must be made, that loue mai encrease and be made sure betwene ye man & the wife, & that is best brought aboute by gentilnesse and fayre condycions, for the loue that beautie onelie causeth, is in a maner but a cheri faire

Xan. But I praye you hartelye tell me, by what pollycy ye brought your good man to folow your daunce.

Eula. I wyll tell you on this condicyon, that ye will folowe me.

xan. I can.

Eula, It is as easy as water if ye cā find in your hart to do it, nor yet no good time past for he is a yong mā, and you ar but agirle of age, and I trowe it is not a yere ful sins ye wer maried.

Xā All thys is true

Eulalia. I wyll shew you then. But you must kepe it secret

xantip. with a ryght good wyl.

Eula. This was my chyefe care, to kepe me alwayes in my housbandes fauoure, that there shulde nothyng angre him I obserued his appetite and pleasure I marked the tymes bothe whan he woulde be pleased and when he wold be all byshrwed, as they tameth the Elephantes and Lyons or suche beastes that can not be wonne by strēgth

xantyppa. Suche a beaste haue I at home.

Eula. Thei that goth vnto the Elephantes weare no white garmentes, nor they that tame wylde bulles, weare no blasynge reedes, for experience teacheth, that suche beastes bee madde with those colours, like as the Tygers by the sound of tumbrels be made so wode, that thei plucke theymself in peces. Also thei yt breake horses haue their termes and theyr soundes theyr hadlynges, and other knackes to breake their wyldnes, wyth all. Howe much more then is it oure duetyes that ye wyues to use suche craftes toward our husbandes with whō all our lyfe tyme wil we, nyl we is one house, and one bed.

xantip. furthwith your tale.

Eula, whē I had ones marked there thynges. I applied my selfe unto hym, well ware not to displease him.

xantip. How could thou do that.

Eulalya. Fyrste in the ouerseynge my householde, which is the very charge and cure of wyues, I wayted euer, not onely gyuynge hede that nothing shoulde be forgotten or undoone, but that althynges should be as he woulde haue it, wer it euer so small a trifle.

xā. wherin.

Eulalia. As thus. Yf mi good man had a fantasye to this thynge, or to that thyng, or if he would haue his meate dressed on this fashion, or that fashion.

xan. But howe couldest thou fashyon thye selfe after hys wyll and mynde, that eyther woulde not be at home or elles be as freshe as a saulte heryng.

Elali. Abyde a while. I come not at that yet, yf my husband wer very sad at anye tyme, no time to speake to him. I laughed not nor tryfled him as many a woman doth but I looked rufully and heauyly, for as a glasse (if it be a true stone) representeth euer ye physnamy of hym that loketh in it, so lykewyse it becommeth a wedded woman alway to agre vnto the appetite of her husbande, that she be not mery whē he murneth, nor dysposed to play whē he is sad. And if that at any time he be waiward shrewshaken, either I pacyfye hym with faire wordes, or I let hym alone, vntyll the wynd be ouerblowen gyuing him neuer a word at al, vntil the time come that I may eyther excuse my faute, or tell hym of hys. In lyke wyse when he commeth home wel whitled, I gyue hym gentyll and fayre woordes, so with fayre entreatynge I gette hym to bed.

xantyppa, O careful state of wyues, whē they muste be gladde and fayne to followe their husbandes mindes, be thei eluyshe, dronken, or doying what myschiefe they liste.

Eula. As whoe saieth this gentill dealynge serueth not for bothe partyes, for they spyte of theyr berdes muste suffre many thynges in our demeanor, yet a time ther is, whē in a weighty matter it is laufull that the wyfe tell the good mā his faute, if that it be matter of substaunce, for at lyght trifles, it is best to play byll under wynge.

xantyp. what tune is that

Eula. when he is ydle, neither angry, pensife, nor ouersen, then betwixt you two secretly he must be told his faute gētly, or rather intreated, that in this thynge or that he play the better husbande to loke better to his good name and fame and to his helth and this tellyng must be myxt with mery conceites and pleasaunt wordes many times I make a meane to tel my tale after this fashyon, that he shall promise me, he shal take no displeasure wyth my thynge, that I a foolyshe woman shall breake vnto hym, that pertayneth eyther to hys helthe worshyppe or welth. When I haue sayde that I woulde, I chop cleane from that communication and falle into some other pastime, for this is all our fautes, neyghbour Xantippa, that whē we begyn ones to chat our tounges neuer lie.

Xantip. So men say

Eulalia. Thus was I well ware on, that I neuer tell my husbād his fautes before companie, nor I neuer caried any cōplaynte furthe a dores: the mendes is soner made whē none knoweth it but two, and there were anie suche faute that myght not be wel borne nor amēded by ye wyues tellige, it is more laudable that the wife make complaynte vnto the Parentes and kynsfolke of her husband, then vnto her own, and so to moderate her complaynte that she seme not to hate hym but hys vice nor let her play all the blabbe, that in some poynt vnutered, he may know & loue his wiues curteysy.

Xantip. She had nede be aswellerned womā, that would do all this.

Eu. Mary through suche demeanoure, we shall sterre our husbādes vnto lyke gentylnesse.

Xan: There be some that cannot be amended with all the gentyll handlynge in the worlde.

Eula: In faith I thyncke nay, but case there be, marke this wel the good man must be for borne, howe soeuer the game goeth, then is it better to haue him alwayes at one point or ells more kinde and louing throw oure gentill handlinge, then to haue him worse and worse throwe our cursednesse, what wyll you say and I tell you of husbādes that hath won theyr wiues by suche curtesie, howe muche more are we boūde to use the same towarde our husbandes.

Xantip. Than shall you tell of one farre vnlyke vnto thyne husband.

Eula. I am aquented with a certayne gentelman well lerned and a veri honest man, he maried a yonge wyfe, a mayden of. xvii. yeare olde brede and brought vp of a chylde in the countre vnder her fathers and mother wing (as gentilmen delite to dwel in the countre) to hunt & hawke This yong gētilman would haue one that were unbrokē, because he might the soner breake her after hys owne mind, he begā to entre her in learning syngynge, and playinge, and by lytle and lytle to vse here to repete suche thynges as she harde at sermons, and to instruct her with other things that myght haue doone her more good in time to come. This gere, because it was straūge vnto this young womā which at home was brought vp in all ydelnesse, and with the light communication of her fathers seruantes, and other pastimes, begā to waxe greuouse & paynfull, vnto her. She withdrew her good mynde and dylygence and whē her husband called vpon her she put ye finger in the eye, and wepte and many times she would fal downe on the grounde, beatynge her head agaynst the floure, as one that woulde be out of thys worlde. When there was no healpe for this gere, the good man as though he hadde bene wel asked his wyfe yf she woulde ryde into the countre with him a sporting vnto her fathers house, so that she graunted anone. When they were cōmē thyther, the gentilman left his wyfe with her mother & her sisters he wēt furth an huntynge with his father in lawe, there betwene theym two, he shewed al together, how that he hadde hoped to haue had a louynge companion to lead his lyfe withall, now he hath one that is alwaies blubberynge and pyninge her selfe awaye withoute anye remedie, he prayeth him to lay to hys hande in amendinge his doughters fautes her father answered yt he had ones giuen hym his doughter, and yf that she woulde not be rewled by wordes (a goddes name take Stafforde lawe) she was his owne. Then the gētylman sayd agayne, I know that I may do but I had leuer haue her amēded eyther by youre good counsell or commaundement, then to come vnto that extreme waies, her father promised that he would fynde a remedye. After a dai or two, he espied time and place whē he might be alone with his doughter. Then he loked soureli vpō his doughter, as though he had bene horne woode with her, he began to reherse how foule a beaste she was, how he feared many tymes that she neuer haue bestowed her. And yet sayde he much a doe, vnto my great coste and charg, I haue gottē the one that moughte lye by any Ladyes syde, and she were a quene and yet thou not perceiuying what I haue done for the nor knowynge that thou hast suche a man whiche but of his goodnes myghte thynke thee to euill to be stoye in his kytchen, thou contrariest al his mind to make a short tale he spake so sharpely to her, that she feared that he wold haue beaten her. It is a man of asubtyll and wylye wytte, whyche wythout a vysarde is ready to playe anye maner of parte. Thē this yonge wife what for feare, and for trouthe of the matter, cleane stryken oute of countenaunce, fell downe at her fathers fete desyryng hym that he wolde forgette and forgiue her all that was past and euer after she woulde doe her duetye Her father forgaue her, and promised that she shoulde finde him a kynd and a louynge father, yf so be that she perfourmed her promyse.

xantippa. How dyd she afterwarde?

Eulalya, whē she was departed frō her father she came backe into a chaumber, and there by chaunce found her husband alone she fel on her knees to hym and said. Mā in tymes paste, I neyther knewe you nor my selfe, from this daye froward ye shall se me cleane chaunged, onelye pardon that is past, with that her husbande toke her in his armes & kyssed her sayinge she should lacke nothyng yf she woulde holde her in that mind.

xantip. Why did she cōtinue so.

Eulalya. Euen tyll her endynge daye, nor there was none so vyle a thynge but that she woulde laye handes on it redely with all her herte, if her husband wolde let her, so great loue was begō and assured betwene them and many a daye after, shee thanked god yt euer she met with such a mā. For yf she had not she sayd she had ben cleane caste awaye.

xan. We haue as greate plentie of suche housbandes, as of white crowes.

Eulalya. Now, but for werieng you? I coulde tell you a thynge that chaunced a late in this same citye.

xantyppa. I haue litell to doe, and I lyke your communicacyon very well.

Eulalia. There was a certaine gentilmā he as suche sort of men do, vsed much huntyng in the cuntre, where he happened on a younge damoysell, a very pore womās child on whō he doted a man well stryken in age, and for her sake he lay oftē out of his owne house his excuse was hūtîg. This mās wife an exceding honest womā, halfe deale suspecte the mater, tried out her husbandes falshed, on a tyme whē he had taken his iourney fourth of the town vnto some other waies, she wente vnto that poore cotage and boulted out all the hoole matter, where he laye on nights, wheron he drāke, what thyng thei had to welcō him withall. There was neither one thyng nor other, but bare walles. This good womā returned home, and sone after came againe brynginge wt her a good soft bed, and al therto belongyng and certain plate besydes that she gaue them moneye, chargynge them that if the Gentilmā came agayne, they shold entreate him better not beyng knowē al this while that she was his wyfe, but fayued her to be her sister. Not long after her husband stale thether againe, he sawe the howse otherwyse decked, and better fare then he was wounte to haue. He asked, frome whence commeth al this goodly gere? They sayde that an honeste matrone, a kynsewoman of hys hadde broughte it thyther and commaunded thenm that he should be well cherished when so euer he came, by and by his hart gaue him that it was hys wiues dede, whan he came home he demaūded of her yf she hadde bene there or nay, she sayd yea. Then he asked her for what purpose she sente all that housholde stuffe thyther. Man (said she) ye haue bē tenderly brought vp. I perceiued that ye were but corslie handled there, me thought that it was my part, seing it was your wyll and pleasure to be there ye shoulde be better loked to.

Xantippa. She was one of goddes fooles. I woulde rather for a bed haue layd vnder him a bundel of nettels: or a burden of thistels.

Eula. But here the end her husbande perceyuyng the honeste of her great pacience neuer after laye from her, but made good cheare at home with his owne. I am sure ye knowe Gilberte the holāder.

Xan. Very well.

Eu. He (as it is not vnknowē maried an old wife in his florishîg youth.

Xā. Per aduēture he maried the good and notthe woman.

Eulalia. There sayde ye well, setting lytell stoore by hys olde wife, hunted a callette, with whom he kept much companie abrode, he dined or supped litell at home. What wouldest thou haue sayd to ye gere.

Xantip. What woulde I a said? I wolde haue flowē to the hores toppe and I wolde haue crowned myne husbande at hys oute goinge to her with a pysbowle,that he so ēbawlmed might haue gon vnto his souerayne ladie.

Eula. But how much wiselier dyd this woman? She desyred that yonge woman home vnto her, and made her good chere, so by that meanes she brought home also her husband without ani witchraft or sorserie, and yf that at anye season he supped abrode with her she would sende vnto them some good dayntie morsel, and byd him make good chere

Xantippa. I had leuer be slayne then I woulde be bawde vnto myne owne husbande.

Eulalia. Yea, but consyder all thynges well, was not that muche better, then she shoulde be her shrewyshnesse, haue putte her husbandes minde cleane of from her, and so haue ledde all her life in trouble and heuynesse.

Xantippa. I graunte you well, that it was better so but I coulde not abyde it.

Eulalya. I wyll tell you a prety story more, and so make an ende One of oure neyghboures, a well disposed and a goddes man, but that he is some what testie, on a day pomeld his wife well and thriftely aboute the pate and so good a woman as euer was borne, she picked her into an inner parler, and there weepynge and sobbynge, eased her heuye harte, anone after, by chaunce her husbande came into the same place, and founde hys wyfe wepyng. What sitest thou heare sayth he seighing & sobbîg like a child Thē she like a wise woman sayde. Is it not more honesty for me to lamente my dolours here in a secret place, thē to make wondering and on oute crye in the strete, as other womē do. At so wyfely and womanly a saing his hart melted, promysynge her faythfullye and truelie that he woulde neuer laye stroke on her afterwarde, nor neuer did.

Xantippa. No more wil mine god thanke my selfe.

Eulalya. But then ye are alwaies one at a nother, agreinge lyke dogges and cattes.

Xan. What wouldest thou that I should do?

Eu. Fyrst & formest, whatsoeuer thy husbande doeth sayde thou nothinge, for his harte must be wonne by lytell and litel by fayre meanes, gentilnesse and forbearing at the last thou shalte eyther wynne him or at the least waie thou shalt leade a better life thē thou doest now.

Xantippa. He his beyonde goddes forbode, he wil neuer amende.

Eulalia. Eye saye not so, there is no beest so wild but by fayre handling be tamed, neuer mistrust man thē. Assay a moneth or two, blame me and thou findest not that my counsell dooeth ease. There be some fautes wyth you thoughe thou se them, be wyse of this especyall that thou neuer gyue hym foule wordes in the chambre, or inbed but be sure that all thynges there bee full of pastyme and pleasure. For yf that place which is ordeined to make amēdes for all fautes and so to renew loue, be polluted, eyther with strife or grugynges, then fayre wel al hope of loue daies, or atonementes, yet there be some beastes so wayward and mischeuous, that when theyr husbandes hath them in their arms a bed, they scholde & chyde making yt same plesure their lewd condicions (that expelseth all displeasures oute of their husbandes mynde unpleasaunt and lytell set bi corrupting the medecine that shuld haue cured al deadly greifes, & odible offēces.