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Her voice ricocheted like gunshots inside Rafe’s head. Desperate to flee, to find his patrol, he wheeled and tripped over an empty feed bucket and went sprawling. The clatter of his boot on the tin bucket sent the animals around him into a frenzy. He could hear a mountain lion hiss and snarl, and a great owl hooted and flapped its wings. Squirrels chattered nonstop and he heard the shriek of a hawk.
The animals must be warning him of an impending attack. Rafe grabbed Alexa’s legs and threw her down on the ground. He flung an arm over her torso and barked a series of staccato orders. “Don’t move a muscle. Let the heavy artillery rout out the enemy.”
“Easy,” a soothing voice whispered. “You’re okay. Breathe deeply.”
Gradually his pounding heart slowed to a normal rate, and he heard the gentle patter of an animal’s paws approaching just seconds before a wet tongue lapped his face.
Rafe was aware that he was emerging from a flashback. Part of him understood that the threat hadn’t been real. But a major portion of his brain was still befuddled. It made no sense that his face was buried in long strands of sweet-smelling hair. Again, a bird squawked in the background, and it rattled Rafe all the more when a woman shifted out from under him, sat up and forced him to do the same. What were they doing on the ground? Dr. Robinson. God, had he attacked her?
“Are you okay?” she murmured. “You had a small flashback, Rafe.”
The question had him sweating profusely. Was he getting worse? He hadn’t had a single flashback at Sierra’s. This was his second since coming here.
“You fell over a feed bucket,” Alexa said, scrambling to her knees as she began calmly checking his face and arms for cuts or bruises. “It was my fault. I saw the bucket, but didn’t move it out of the aisle. Feed buckets belong on wall pegs, not on the barn floor where they can trip people. I swear I’ll be more careful in the future.”
Her cool, seductive touch telegraphed a signal to Rafe’s body. Even though he couldn’t see the woman who hovered so close to him, he was still a man. All man.
His fingers flexed around Alexa’s upper arms and he pulled her forward until he could feel the outline of her soft breasts against his chest. It frustrated him to not be able to see her face—her lips. He knew they parted invitingly, because he felt her gasp, and tiny puffs of her sweet breath tickled his mouth. His grip tightened as he savored the thought of how those soft lips would taste.
“Rafe?” She wedged her hands between them, pushing his chest gently, but firmly. “You’re still hallucinating. I’m your doctor. You’re my patient. Snap out of it, Major.”
The embarrassment of the situation slammed hard into Rafe. What was he doing? Disgusted with himself, he dropped Alexa’s arms like they were torches of fire.
“This whole idea of me helping you feed your animals is stupid,” he shouted. “It’s obvious I’m totally useless.” He struggled to get to his feet, and when he was upright, he ordered, “Take me back to my room. Right now.”
He heard Alexa lift something down from the barn wall.
“I’ll clip a leash to Compadre’s collar,” she said in a neutral voice. “If you want to go to the house, let him lead you. I happen to have chores to finish.”
Rafe wound the loop of leather around his wrist, and although he’d been stung by Alexa’s taunt, he followed the dog out into the fresh air.
Only after he was inside his bedroom did he allow himself to acknowledge his shame. Not so much for the flashback. He had no control over those. But he had turned tail and bailed on Alexa. One thing Rafe had never been was a quitter.
For an hour he paced the room, trying to think of a way to redeem himself with Alexa. He had hated lying around, useless in the hospital. And he’d been in the way at Sierra’s. Alexa was the first person who seemed to believe he could be independent. If he stopped being pigheaded and listened to her, maybe he could learn to live on his own. That appealed to Rafe. Prior to the debacle in the barn, he’d felt invigorated. Sierra believed his loss of sight was caused by a block to his brain. He wasn’t so sure about that himself, but maybe if he started depending more on himself than on others, he could eventually function on his own, as Alexa believed.
Rafe wondered if she was the kind of woman who needed to make a man grovel for forgiveness. He didn’t grovel well. On the other hand, he wasn’t above turning on a little charm to see if that would get him a second chance.
ALEXA FELT A LITTLE GUILTY at dredging up busy work in order not to go back to the house until suppertime. Professionally, she knew patients sometimes hit on their doctors. And Rafe had been suffering some type of flashback. But the real problem lay with her. She found Rafe attractive. And she wasn’t a desperate woman living in an isolated area. One park ranger in particular had hinted he was interested in her romantically, and she’d ignored him without a problem.
But she’d come within inches of kissing Rafe. There was no question about it, though—getting involved with Rafe would be ethically wrong and violate doctor-patient trust. In any case, Rafe had undoubtedly been thinking of some other woman today when he’d reached for her. Someone from his past. Or maybe he’d just been looking for comfort. Right now he was probably regretting coming here and packing his duffel to leave the ranch. But no matter what he decided, her professional code of conduct was intact. No romantic fraternizing with the former major, regardless of how compelling a man he was.
Shortly before dark, she entered her house through the back door and found Rafe and Compadre standing in front of the open fridge. Guilt rose up in her.
“I’m sorry, but I got tied up cleaning stalls. Time just got away from me,” she fibbed.
“No problem,” Rafe said lightly. “As you pointed out this morning, this is a working ranch. Care and feeding of stock comes first.” He shut the fridge door. “I thought maybe I could fix us an easy meal. Maybe soup and cheese sandwiches.” His shoulders drooped slightly. “But, I couldn’t find bread or cheese. I feel bad for being here and causing you extra work.”
So he wasn’t going to mention the incident in the barn, Alexa thought. Well, neither would she. “I came in fully expecting you might have phoned Sierra to come pick you up.”
Rafe crossed his arms and leaned on the counter. “The truth is, I like it here. I especially like the fact that you don’t take any crap from me. I want to learn to do things for myself again. Can we start over tomorrow—on a better footing?”
He looked so boyishly contrite, an errant black curl or two falling down over his forehead, that Alexa couldn’t have refused his request if she’d wanted to. “That sounds good to me.” She figured she might have to rethink her approach. “Give me time to shower, then you can help me fix soup and grilled cheese sandwiches.”
“Sure, but I figured you’d want to soak in that hot spring you keep talking about.”
“Another day. We both skipped lunch. Compadre cleaned his dish, I see.” Alexa picked up the empty bowl and took a bag of kibble from a cupboard. She thrust both into Rafe’s hands. “There’s a cup in this sack. Put two cups full of dry dog food in this dish and set it on the rubber mat on the floor across from the fridge. Compadre will thank you and so will I. Fifteen minutes. Twenty, max, and I’ll be back.” She hurried into the office that sat adjacent to the kitchen and led to her rooms, ignoring the anticipation surging through her.
The rest of the evening went off without incident. Neither she nor Rafe made any reference to what had happened earlier. Rafe was the first to head off to bed.
“I found you an alarm clock,” Alexa told him. “It’s set for seven.” She passed the clock to Rafe. “I’ll go out at six and feed the wild animals, then come back and make breakfast. I’ve been thinking that working with the horses will probably suit you best.”
“I used to have a real rapport with horses,” Rafe told her. “Of course, back then I could look one in the eye and show him who was boss.”
Alexa refused to let herself respond to the regret in his voice. Hope and confidence were important tools in the medical arsenal, both for doctor and patient. “Rome wasn’t built in a day,” she said. “We’ll go slow. Being active restores energy, so the work will be good for you. I’ve got some new herbal combinations I think you should try.”
“Just so you know…I’m not drinking any more of that crap tea. It tasted like dirty dishwater.”
Alexa laughed. “I’m planning to brew up a little skullcap and passionflower tea tomorrow.”
“I hope you’re kidding.” Rafe shuddered as he left the kitchen.
ALEXA HADN’T BEEN TEASING.
Rafe chugged down a full cup of tea the next morning but said nothing. And he seemed in better spirits when the two of them, with Compadre, started for the horse barn.
“Are you raising a particular breed of horse?” Rafe asked.
“Andalusian.”
“I’ve never worked with any of those. But horses are horses, right?”
“I chose the Spanish breed for several reasons. They’re tall, strong and intelligent, and have a good temperament. Most of my clients want gentle riding horses. I buy two or three at a time from a reputable breeder. Mares and geldings. I gentle them over time, and get them used to trail rides. But one of the mares I have now needs to be trained as a barrel racer.”
“Really?” Rafe appeared interested. They entered the large barn, and this time there were no flashbacks. The mare she’d mentioned, named Esperanza, whinnied and nuzzled Rafe’s neck the minute Alexa led her out of her stall.
“I think she likes you.” Alexa clipped a rope to the mare’s halter and handed the lead line to Rafe. “You want to take her into the corral? Put her through her paces?”
“You’d trust me to do that?”
“It’s a big, bare dirt corral. I showed you where it is. Give it a whirl. I’ll feed my saddle horses, then pop out to see how you’re getting along before I take Tano, Esperanza’s brother, into the smaller exercise pen.” She handed him a pair of sunglasses and reminded him to cover his eyes before she opened the double doors that led into the corral. “You need to protect your eyes from sunburn since you can’t tell how bright or intense the sun actually is.”
The mare pranced out into the sunshine, forcing Rafe to jog out, too. Alexa kept Compadre from getting under his feet.
Standing just inside the barn, she watched the pair. Rafe got off to a rocky start, stumbling around the corral, but then he managed to stabilize his footing. Smiling, she made the dog come with her as she measured oats for Tano and her own two mares and one gelding.
When she was finished, Alexa returned to lean on the top rail of the corral to watch Rafe put Esperanza through changing gaits. She was struck by two things. First, there was a look of pure joy on his face. Second, he dug in the flat heels of his combat boots, wrapped the rope around his narrow hips and coaxed the exact gait out of the horse that barrel racers wanted.
Alexa whistled approvingly. “Hot dang, cowboy, y’all have that little lady eating out of your hand. I haven’t been able to get her to transition like that from a walk to a trot to a canter. You’re the man.”
Rafe directed a wide smile over his left shoulder toward her voice. It singed Alexa’s insides, and she felt the heat all the way to her toes.
Lordy, a scowling Rafe Eaglefeather had been a sight to behold. But when he smiled, he was pure devastation. Alexa felt knocked off-kilter. Then, for no reason at all, fear moved in, welding her to the top rail. Memories of Bobby swirled. She had failed him, and herself as well. What if her infusions, herbs and needles were no more than the hocus pocus Bobby’s parents had claimed? Alexa shivered in spite of the sun.
Compadre set his paws on the middle rail of the corral and nudged Alexa’s leg with his cold, wet nose, as if to say, look at me. You doctored me back to health.
Jumping down, she swept him into a hug. “I promise to give your new buddy my best, boy.”
The collie licked her face.
But not even Compadre’s vote of confidence could alleviate her concern.
CHAPTER THREE
“IF IT’S OKAY WITH YOU, I’d like to spend some time again tomorrow working with the mare,” Rafe said as he and Alexa walked into the house for lunch.
“Fine with me. Like I said, Esperanza performed better to your commands.”
“Really? Are you just saying that to pump up my ego?”
Alexa went over to the sink to wash her hands. “Like your ego needs pumping. You’ve got a healthy supply of machismo, Rafe.”
“Are you saying I’m full of myself?”
Best not to reply to that, Alexa thought. “Is a cold ham-and-cheese sandwich okay with you?” she asked instead.
“Whatever. Food is food. You seem to be trying to change the subject. I thought you doctors always laid the truth on the line.”
Alexa dried her hands and took down two plates from the cupboard. The truth was he looked damned sexy the way he casually propped one lean hip against her kitchen counter. He hadn’t lost his military bearing, nor had he grown soft from lying around. His cheekbones and jaw were angular, but the small cleft in his chin kept his features from being too sharp.
“Your attitude sucks and you have a mile-high chip on your shoulder.” That was one truth Alexa wasn’t reluctant to share.
“That’s calling a spade a spade.” Rafe’s lips thinned as he processed her blunt statement. Compadre woofed softly, gazing anxiously up at the man who’d stiffened beside him.
Alexa quickly prepared their lunch and set the plates on the table. “I put cut-up fruit on the side. Do you want a spoon or a fork for that?”
“Are you sure it’s normal fruit, or some herbal crap like clover and dandelion leaves?”
“They’re not fruits,” Alexa said, snatching a whistling teakettle off the hot stove, “and that’s the attitude I’m talking about. If I was treating you for infertility, I would use red clover buds and marigold flowers. But I honestly don’t know what cures sarcasm.”
She could see that Rafe tried to keep a straight face, but he couldn’t quite manage. His laughter seemed to roll up from his belly.
“Great,” Alexa shot back. “You’ve been hiding a sense of humor. Here. Sit down. These are apple slices and cantaloupe cubes from a melon I picked fresh this morning. You’ll be happy to hear that today’s tea is cinnamon,” she added, pouring their mugs full of the spicy-scented brew.
Rafe took his seat as instructed and Alexa sensed how relaxed he felt.
She unfolded her napkin. “If you feel up to it, I thought maybe after lunch we could go for a ride.”
“Where? Into town? I could buy some groceries.”
Ignoring the dig at her food, Alexa said, “I meant go for a horseback ride. Sorry, I should have been more clear.”
Rafe swallowed a bite of sandwich. “I need to be able to see to direct a horse.” All levity had disappeared from his tone.
“I wouldn’t have suggested a ride if I didn’t think you could do it, Rafe. There are two or three easy park trails we can pick up just down the road. They’re wide enough to ride two abreast. Plus, my horses are docile.” Alexa could tell he was interested, but still debated the issue with himself.
“Docile, huh?” He gave a little snort. “Why bother saddling up, then? I might as well just sit in my room in the rocking chair?”
“Cute,” she shot back. “Getting out helps sharpen other senses. I wouldn’t send you out alone, Rafe, but people who have lost their eyesight still do sports—they ski, surf, play golf. Life changes with the loss of a limb or hearing or sight, but it doesn’t have to end.”
“Mine should have.” The bitterness was back in his voice again. “Some of the guys in my unit who died that day had wives and kids. One had just got engaged.”
Alexa didn’t know what to say. He radiated guilt. She picked up her sandwich, but found she didn’t have much of an appetite anymore.
“I was the man in charge,” he added gloomily.
“Living here, safe and sound, you have no idea what it’s like in the thick of war. No idea what it’s like watching pals bleed to death because the enemy has you pinned down and there’s not a damned thing you can do.”
The apple slice Alexa had put in her mouth turned to sawdust. She knew exactly what it was like to lose a friend while she was in charge. Even now she could feel the shock of Bobby’s hand going cold in hers. But she couldn’t bring herself to share that with Rafe. One of them had to stay positive. “Only God is infallible,” she said, almost to herself.
“Funny, my general said the same thing the day he stopped by my cot in the field hospital.”
“What did you decide about the horseback ride?” Rising, Alexa collected their plates. “The weather’s near perfect, and my horses need exercising.”
Rafe unclenched his hand. “It’s probably foolish, but you’re right about the weather. I may as well take advantage of catching some rays. It won’t be long until storms start rolling up from the gulf.”
When they were ready to go, the dog headed toward the door with them. He stretched and yawned, then trotted up to nudge Rafe.
“You can’t go this time, Compadre,” Alexa said, stooping to rub his head.
“Why not?” Rafe asked.
“Park rules. Pets aren’t permitted on park trails, and if campers bring dogs, they have to stay in camp and be leashed at all times. Wild animals do roam the park.”
They headed out the door to the barn, Alexa’s hand on his elbow to guide him.
“Oh, that makes me feel better about riding blind,” Rafe grumbled.
Scoffing, Alexa gave his arm a friendly punch. “Not to worry, big guy. I’ll save you from the raccoons, jackrabbits and skunks.”
“Thanks,” he drawled. “I’m more concerned about the coyotes, javelina and black bear.”
“Hmm. I’ve ridden the lower trails almost daily for five years and have never seen a bear or javelina. You’re more likely to come across a two-legged beast who’s fleecing frightened illegals and sending them on their own through the park to hit the highway that leads to Alpine.”
“They could be more dangerous,” Rafe said thoughtfully.
“They’re scum,” Alexa burst out. “And they go to great lengths to avoid a law-abiding citizen who has a cell phone.”
“Okay, you’ve sold me. I’m counting on you and your phone to protect me.”
She smiled at that, but of course he couldn’t see. “Do you want a mare to ride, or a gelding?” she asked. “I have two mares, Gigi and Willow. And a gelding, Loki.”
“Are they all Andalusian?”
“Loki’s an American quarter horse. The mares are no specific pedigree. How about you take Loki and I’ll ride Willow today. I took Gigi out last time.”
“I’d offer to help saddle up, but…” Rafe followed Alexa into the barn then stood awkwardly, acting out of place.
Alexa looked at his steel-toed combat boots, camouflage pants with cargo pockets and khaki T-shirt. She was about to suggest a clothes-buying spree when his cell phone rang.
Rafe dug the phone out of a side pocket and answered. “Hi, Sierra,” he said after a moment. “Still can’t resist checking up on me, huh?”
Alexa could hear a higher pitched voice coming over the line.
“I guess I’m doing okay,” he said. “I helped train one of Alexa’s horses to change gait on command. She and I are about to head out on a trail ride in the park.”
He listened intently, all the while making faces, which drew a laugh out of Alexa.
“Yep, I said the same thing, Sierra.” He nodded. “Alexa promised it’ll be a cakewalk. What? She asked me not to call her Dr. Robinson. Sierra…there’s no one out here to worry about proprieties. Okay, you worry, I’m going riding.” He accepted the reins Alexa pressed into his right hand. “Gotta go,” he told his sister. “I’ll phone later and let you know how I did on the ride.” Clicking off, he tucked the phone away and gave the saddle a shake to test the cinch.
“I wasn’t eavesdropping on purpose,” Alexa said. “Is your sister concerned about our lack of formality?”
“It’s a Hispanic thing. Our mother was a stickler about using titles. A sign of respect, according to her.”
“Ah, so your mother was Hispanic and your dad Native American?” Alexa inquired casually as she dropped down the fender and stirrup she had hooked over Willow’s saddle horn while she cinched up the mare. “I didn’t think about cultural taboos. If it bothers you, please go ahead and call me doctor.”
“That’s Sierra’s hang-up. I take after my dad. We Native Americans are more laid-back. And Alexa is a pretty name. Unless you object, I’ll continue using it.”
Alexa felt the heat of a blush climb her neck. Shaking it off, she crooked a finger through both bridle rings and quickly led the horses out into a leaf-dappled, autumn afternoon. “Does anyone ever like their name? I hated mine. Kids at school called me Alex. They said my parents probably wanted a boy. I asked, but my mom insisted it’s short for Alexandra, which was my dad’s grandmother’s name. My first-grade teacher said it means to help, or defend. Maybe that’s why I became a doctor,” Alexa added, giving Rafe the barest assist into the saddle. He sat straight, although he seemed a tad uneasy.
“It’s been a long time since I’ve tossed a leg over a horse,” he said, as if reading Alexa’s thoughts. “Feels good.” He tested the stirrups for length and made sure Loki understood his rein signals.
Alexa swung up easily. “This pair of horses tends to want to gallop to the trail head. You may have to exert some pressure to hold Loki back to a trot.”
“If Loki is sure-footed and the ground’s fairly even, why don’t we try a short gallop?” Just being on a horse seemed to give Rafe a confidence Alexa hadn’t seen up to now.
“Your call,” she said. “It’s less than a half mile. And Willow can keep pace.”
Rafe gathered the reins in his left hand. His grin reminded Alexa of an emerging sunbeam. Then he loosened his grip, and like a shot, horse and rider bolted. Alexa almost didn’t catch up. And she was winded when she reached the tree line where Loki had slowed.
“Phew, are you all right?” She anxiously studied Rafe as she brought Willow back on her haunches less than a nose behind Loki’s tail.
“Are you kidding?” Rafe said. “I love feeling the wind in my face. Honestly, I never expected to ride like the wind again.”
Alexa couldn’t see behind the shades he wore, but his voice sounded slightly choked and she wouldn’t be at all surprised if Rafe had a tear in his eye. That humbled her.
“Quite a feat of trust,” she said, emotional herself. They entered the trail and rode under an arched canopy of old-growth trees. “I think loss of sight is the most difficult of all the five senses to lose.”
“I agree,” Rafe said. “A blind person is forced to rely on other people for so many things.” He grew silent for a moment. “There’s something else that bothers me. You know, for all the time we’re spending together, I have no idea what you look like, Alexa. Please, can you describe yourself for me?”
She blushed, flustered by his question. Did he care how she looked, or was he just curious? Best to take his request with a little humor. “I could tell you I’m a dead ringer for Cameron Diaz.”
“Who?”
“Come on. You weren’t injured that long ago. Soldiers have zillions of movies at their disposal.”
“You got me. Diaz is a babe. And you just made my point. Without sight I’m at your mercy.”
“Well, who can describe themselves accurately?” she said hotly. “It’s not easy.”
He slowed Loki. “I guess you’re right. I don’t know what I’d say other than I’m six foot tall and have black hair. It used to be military short, but it’s probably shaggy now.” He ran a hand through his thick, black curls, then rested it back on the pommel. “This is where you reel off your stats.”
Before Alexa could say anything, a pair of teacup-sized birds calling jay, jay, jay swept out of a tree, startling the horses. Beside her, Loki reared and came down stiff-legged. Willow bolted, running the length of two football fields before Alexa regained control. By that point the trail had made a horseshoe turn back toward the ranch and Alexa lost sight of Rafe.