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Guiding the mare around, she galloped back to where a still-nervous Loki tossed his head and crow-hopped first to one side of the trail, then the other. But Rafe had him in check. “What happened?” Rafe asked. “I heard your horse take off running, and I didn’t know if she’d thrown you or not.”
“Blue jays happened. When Loki was a colt, one dive-bombed him. To this day their noisy chatter is enough to send him off. I’m sorry. I should have warned you. But you handled him well, Rafe. Willow surprised me. Normally she’s unflappable.”
Rafe’s expression had darkened with concern.
“Shall we head on?” Alexa proposed. “This trail makes a big U back to within yards of where we started. We’re about at the halfway point.”
“What if you had been bucked off when the mare spooked?” Rafe demanded, his voice angry.
“I’m fine, Rafe,” Alexa said soothingly.
Rafe sliced a hand through the air. “Don’t patronize me. You could’ve gotten hurt bad, and what in the devil could I have done about it?”
“Stop borrowing trouble,” Alexa snapped. “This trail is wide and flat. We’ll have a nice, relaxing ride back to the ranch.”
“I didn’t see the jays—I didn’t know what the hell happened,” Rafe insisted. “For all I knew you could’ve been dragged off by a bear.”
Rafe was overdramatizing and Alexa grew impatient. Then, she tried putting herself in his shoes. Yes, he was a big, strong man, a former soldier. But he was living in a dark, scary world. “Rafe, it really is rare to encounter any predators on these trails. Bear, mountain cats—they all live higher in the mountains. You were enjoying our ride. Don’t worry about something that will likely never happen. Don’t let it stop you from venturing out of your comfort zone.”
“Are you really a shrink and Sierra didn’t tell me?”
“Sorry if I sound preachy. I only wanted to reassure you. There’s no need for you to act testy.” Alexa touched Willow’s flank and started off along the trail.
He caught up to her. “If I’m testy, maybe it’s because you took away the pills that made me more tractable.”
“Tractable?” Alexa raised her voice. “They made you catatonic. Tell me you don’t like feeling…emotions,” she said, groping for words. “Even if they’re painful.”
He rode along in silence for a minute, massaging the back of his neck with his free hand. “If honesty is what you want, then yes and no. I don’t like…” It took Rafe a long time to search for the word he wanted. “Remembering.”
Alexa could sympathize. For months or more after Bobby’s death she would have loved to block the hurtful, pain-filled memories with a pill. How could she admit to Rafe that she still needed herb teas and mineral soaks to help her sleep most nights? But that was a burden she couldn’t share. “Pills that turn you into a mechanical man aren’t the answer. That kind of pain doesn’t go away so easily, Rafe, it only gets buried deeper.”
“Says you.”
“Says me!”
“Is that why you chose to be an osteopath? Because MDs are too free handing out pills?”
“I became an osteopath because I graduated high school at fifteen and medical schools had age restrictions for entry.”
“You graduated high school at fifteen?” Rafe whistled. “You must be a genius.”
“Gifted is today’s term.” Alexa felt a pang of guilt. She hadn’t been completely honest with Rafe. In fact, she had applied to medical school and been accepted, then…life changed.
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