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She picked up the jar with the mountain scene and ran her finger across the glass, looking at the brown and green sand topped with fine grains of white. She’d done that, hadn’t she? Crossed that mountain. Become the kind of doctor few women were.
She’d thought she’d be looking at those mountain ranges forever, together with Jake. She’d thought they’d make a home and a family in Eudemonia, that they would work as doctors here and in Fairbanks and live happily ever after.
Except their “happy” had died, leaving an “ever after” impossible. She’d run hard and fast away from here—because she hadn’t been sure she would survive if she’d stayed. She’d made a new life for herself—going to medical school in LA instead of Anchorage, like she and Jake had planned.
But her life still felt hollow. Full to the brim with work to keep her mind busy and her heart detached from the rest of the world. That detachment had taken a lot of time and effort to achieve. It was exhausting.
She drew in a deep breath and glanced around the kitchen to see that there was as much sand on the floor and the table as there was in the cans. Crunching toward the refrigerator, she peered inside, deciding she’d better get the floor cleaned up as soon as she’d taken some food to the living room and read the discharge papers, so her mom wouldn’t slip on all the tiny grains. The last thing her mother needed was to fall and rip open her stitches.
The refrigerator was bare of anything but milk. There was also a little cheese, so Rory sliced it to serve with some crackers she found in the cupboard. She shook sand off the bottom of the hospital papers Linda had put in the middle of the table and went back to the living room.
“Here’s a snack for you. I’m going to read through this stuff, then get some more food from my bag.”
“This will be plenty. I’m not very hungry.”
“Just eat what you can and we’ll go from there. I understand if you’re not feeling like it, but you do need at least a little so you get your strength back.”
Rory straightened from putting the plate on her mother’s lap, and was about to sit in the only other chair that had a decent light when she heard the front door open and looked up.
Her heart stuttered, then slammed hard into her ribs.
Jacob Hunter.
She didn’t want to look at him for more than a moment, yet she found herself staring, riveted. He looked like he always had—and yet he didn’t. A little older but, impossibly, even better. He was still tall and lean, with angled features that were still startlingly beautiful: dark eyes that could see right through a person, and lips that were almost too full and yet perfect for his face. The black silky hair she’d loved to run her hands through long ago, when it had spilled to his shoulders, had been cut short enough to be respectable for the town doctor, but still it brushed his collar, not fully tamed.
He held a bag in one hand and, yeah, just as she would have expected, despite the chill in the air he was wearing a slightly shabby T-shirt that showed his shoulders and biceps were even more muscular than seven years ago, at her father’s funeral. No shorts, but the jeans he wore fit his physique perfectly, making him look more like an Alaskan cowboy than a medical professional.
Her heart beat its way up into her throat, making it hard to breathe. She’d thought she was prepared to see him—but not this soon. Not tonight. Not when she was barely ready to deal with being back in town at all.
“Hello, Aurora.”
He and her mother were the only two people who called her that. Her mom did because she’d always thought it such a romantic name for a baby born under the Northern Lights. The aurora borealis. And Jacob had often called her that because he’d known it annoyed her, and teasing had always been his way of telling someone he cared about them.
Not that he cared about her anymore. Not after all that had happened between them. Not with all the time that had passed since they’d spoken.
“Hello, Jacob.”
“I didn’t know when you were getting in, so I thought I’d check on Twinkie.”
Twinkie. It also struck Rory that he was the only person who called her mother that other than her. Until that moment she hadn’t thought about the familiarity that came with names and nicknames. None of her other friends had ever called her mom Twinkie—why had he picked that up?
Probably because he’d been around the house and participating in an awful lot of the crazy over the years. Funny how he had the kind of steady, predictable, wonderful family almost anyone would appreciate, and yet he’d enjoyed being at her zany, very unpredictable and unorthodox house just as much as his own.
“That’s nice of you, but you don’t need to worry about her now that I’m...here.” She’d almost said home, but had stopped herself, because this wasn’t her home anymore. Never could be.
“Might as well take a look while I’m here.” Jake scratched the dog’s head and it looked up at him with the same delighted expression as her mother did. “How are you feeling? Have you taken the pain medicine they gave you?”
“Oh, yes. I’m following all the directions they gave me. But I’m still in a lot of pain, so it’s not working too well.”
“Sorry you’re in pain. It’s not always easy to control the first couple days out of surgery. Let me take a listen to your heart and lungs.”
He reached back to the stethoscope he had looped into the back pocket of his jeans, then pressed his long fingers to her wrist while looking at his watch. Afterward he even pulled a portable blood pressure monitor out of his bag to check that, too.
Meanwhile Rory just stood there, feeling strangely uncomfortable, having no idea what to say or do now that he was here. The awkwardness hanging between them wasn’t surprising, even though she’d foolishly hoped that seeing him might leave them both feeling indifferent. That had clearly been a pipedream, considering their parting years ago hadn’t exactly been full of rainbows and smiling understanding between the two of them.
Her legs felt a little wobbly, and she briefly considered sitting down, but that would have left her on an uneven footing with him—looking up even more than her five feet four inches required her to.
Jacob’s gaze suddenly turned back to Rory, and she swallowed at the mix of emotions in his eyes—the same anger and hurt and confusion that she felt tangling around her own heart...that had seared her to the depths of her soul when she’d left nine years ago.
“Your mom said your Aunt Patty’s coming to take care of her after you’re gone. She still working at the army base in Anchorage?”
“Yeah. She lives with her son Owen, who’s stationed there. She scheduled next week off, so I’ll only be here for a short time.”
Those dark eyes seemed to bore right into her, and the long pause after she’d answered left her fidgeting—until he finally broke the silence with the question she didn’t want asked.
“So, how’s your life?”
“Good. Everything is great.”
God, when had she become such a liar? If there was one person who had to know that wasn’t true, it was Jacob. But there were good things about her life, right? Although her job was about the only thing that came to mind.
“I just passed my board exams, so I’m officially a doctor of pediatric orthopedic medicine. I was supposed to be interviewing today, for a permanent position at the hospital, but I had to reschedule it for next week.”
Again, he didn’t speak, and even as she squirmed under his serious gaze memories of the time they’d been apart got mixed up with all the years they’d been together. It was as if nothing had changed between them.
For a brief moment she had the shocking urge to go up on her tiptoes and give him a kiss hello on that luscious mouth. Which proved that her brain’s muscle memory was stronger than her common sense when it came to him. But of course that wasn’t surprising, was it? They’d known one another since they were kids in elementary school.
Except kissing those lips hadn’t happened until college, so that might not be the best explanation she could have come up with. Besides, all that felt like a lifetime ago.
He didn’t respond, instead handing her a business card, his expression unreadable. “I’ll be going, since you’re here to look after Twinkie. Here’s my number if you need to reach me. She’s supposed to have a follow-up appointment with her surgeon in a few days. I can take over after that.”
That uncomfortable flutter in her chest just wouldn’t go away, and she swallowed at the realization that she’d be seeing him way too much during this visit if she had to do as he suggested.
“Maybe you forgot I’m a doctor too,” she said, trying to somehow infuse some light humor into the words, even as the air felt like a heavy shroud hanging over her. “And a surgeon. Very used to dealing with post-op issues. After she sees her own surgeon I can take care of any problems she might have.”
“Just the same as always.” Annoyance and disapproval were clear in the dark eyes that flicked across her. “You can do everything better than anyone else. You never listen to anyone else.”
“That’s not what I said. I just meant—”
“I know what you meant. But here’s the thing: I have all the equipment to take her vitals and deal with any problems at my office, not to mention pain meds and antibiotic ointment for her incision and replacement bandages. So get over your ultra-independent self and bring her to my office after her appointment so I can take a look.”
“Jake, it’s just not necessary to—”
“Don’t worry,” he interrupted with a mocking smile on his face. “Since you have to be in control of everything, I won’t shut you out of the process.”
“I don’t... I don’t have to be in control of everything!”
She folded her arms across her chest, which was starting to burn a little. She’d made one horribly bad decision—admittedly a life-changing decision, but still... That didn’t make her controlling. It made her foolish. Regretful. Broken.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
He didn’t bother to answer that, just picked up the bag he’d brought and moved toward the kitchen.
“I have some food. I figured you wouldn’t have had a chance to go to the store. I got it when I was in Fairbanks earlier, since the selection at Green’s Market can be slim pickings sometimes. In case you don’t remember.”
Rory stared after him, trying to figure out how to handle all this as he moved out of sight.
Then her mother spoke. “It’s so sweet of that Jacob to bring us food, isn’t it?” her mother said, with the adoring smile on her face she always had when Jake was around, clearly oblivious to the tension between the two of them. “He always was something special. I remember—”
“I’ll see if he needs help.” Rory didn’t want to be close to Jake in the small kitchen, but she definitely didn’t want to listen to her mother’s glowing diatribe about how perfect and wonderful he was.
But the truth...? He really was nearly perfect.
Yes, he had that impatience thing that sometimes boiled over into irritation. And he’d always left his socks in the middle of the floor, apparently not considering them to be “real” clothes that had to be put in the laundry bag. And somehow, he’d never seen pot lids as counting toward actual dishes that should be washed. But otherwise...
Perfection in human form. He just was.
She was the one who was totally and horribly flawed.
Just before she got to the doorway, a loud curse and then a series of crashing sounds came from the kitchen, and suddenly she remembered.
The sand. Crap!
She sprinted the last few steps, and once she hit the kitchen the toes of her boots slid across the linoleum and nearly jammed into the top of Jake’s head, where he lay flat on his back on the floor. Cans and boxes were strewn everywhere, and a split plastic jug glugged a small river of milk onto the ancient blue linoleum.
“Oh, my God, are you all right?”
She knelt down next to him, her hands on his shoulders, his chest, traveling down his arms to see if they felt intact.
His deep brown eyes, surrounded by thick lashes, looked up and met hers, and for a long, arrested moment time felt suspended. Her heart thumped hard in her chest and it took all her willpower not to lean over and kiss him, just as she’d wanted to do earlier. Just as she’d done for so many years.
Her heart squeezed with familiar pain and longing as she forced herself to lean back instead of forward. “What hurts?”
“You’re the orthopedic surgeon. Take a guess.”
Something about the expression in his eyes told her that maybe he wasn’t talking about physical injuries. That maybe his mind was going back in time too, the same way hers was. To the pain they’d shared and yet experienced in totally different ways.
She choked back all those wonderful and awful feelings that insisted on flooding back. “I’m guessing your tailbone is bruised, and maybe an elbow or two, but otherwise you feel okay.”
For a split second his hand lifted toward her, before his fingers curled into his palm and he dropped his arm. He sat up, then shoved to his feet.
“Yeah, a few bruises.”
He glanced down at his clothes and brushed off some of the clinging sand, clearly avoiding looking at her, before he began picking up the groceries that had been flung all over the kitchen.
“Don’t worry about the milk,” she said, hurrying to grab a kitchen towel to mop it up, even though it looked like Toby’s happy licking was going to take care of it for her. “Or anything else. I’ll put it all away. Thanks for bringing it.”
His eyes met hers again, grim now. Probably he could tell she was beyond anxious for him to leave—but wouldn’t he want to get away from her just as much?
“No problem. Also, even though neither of us wants to hang around each other, we need to do what’s best for your mother.” He shoved a few things in the fridge, then set the rest on the counter. “Which means you bringing her in to see me in a few days. Just let me know when.”
Unexpected tears clogged her throat as she watched his long legs take him from the kitchen in fast strides, despite the risk of slipping, and she angrily swallowed them down. It shouldn’t make her want to cry that he didn’t want to spend time with her. Why would he? If she were him she’d keep as far away as possible from the woman who’d wrecked their dreams. And hadn’t figuring out ways to avoid him been at the top of her mind the minute she’d bought her plane ticket?
But the quiet tears slid down her cheeks anyway.
CHAPTER TWO
“I’M GOING TO up your dose another twenty-five milligrams, Wilma,” Jake said as he wrote a prescription for his elderly patient. “Your blood pressure is better, but still a little high.”
“Okay, Dr. Hunter. I’ll take it every day if you think I should.”
He paused and glanced up at her. “You told me you had been taking it every day.”
She took the paper he handed her and made a sheepish face. “Maybe not every day.”
“If it’s hard for you to remember I can have Ellie get you a pill box that helps you keep track. Are you going to Fairbanks soon, so you can fill this? Or do you need one of us to get it for you?”
“I want to get supplies before the snow comes, so my son’s taking me tomorrow.”
“Good.”
He helped the woman down from the examination table and gave her a few more instructions. After she’d left the small room he wrote a note to himself to talk with her son to make sure she both got and took her medicine, then started typing his exam notes into the computer.
Ellie, who’d been office manager of this place for as long as he could remember, poked her graying head in the door. “Your mom’s here with Mika.”
“Already?” He glanced at his watch, wondering how it had gotten so late. “Have her come in here while I finish this up.”
The gleeful shriek that had been part of his world for the past eight months had him smiling before he even looked up from the computer. “I see he’s in a happy mood. Thanks for watching him again, Ma.”
“He’s such a good boy.” His mother beamed down at the baby in her arms. “He was cranky before his nap, but he’s been all smiles since.”
“I just need to finish up these notes, and then I have one more patient to see. Can you take Mika to my office to play until I’m done? Shouldn’t be long.”
“You still have things for him in there? Your dad bought him a new toy in Fairbanks today, but it’s at our house for when we’re babysitting. I told him he was going to spoil the child to death, since he’ll be getting all kinds of toys for his birthday. One-year-olds deserve a special party, don’t you think?”
“I don’t think he cares if he gets a party, but I do know he’ll love the attention.” He glanced up and smiled. “As for the spoiling—you were both good at that with all three of us, growing up, but I think we turned out okay.”
“Yes, you sure did. Two doctors and a lawyer? Not bad at all.”
“Yeah, except Timothy always said I’d be the doctor, Grace would be the lawyer and he wanted to be the Native American chief. I think he still kind of wishes that had happened, instead of planning to come work here next year when he’s finished with his residency.”
He finished the notes and stood. The serious look his mother sent him was a surprise, considering their light conversation.
“What?”
“Have you invited Rory over for dinner yet?”
“No, and I’m not planning to—which I already told you.”
Seeing her in the office when she brought in her mother was going to be difficult enough. The last thing he wanted was hours of small-talk with the woman he’d thought would be with him forever—the woman who’d crushed his heart into tiny pieces, then stomped on them for good measure.
“She’s busy with her mother, and I’m busy with work and Mika.”
“Then I’ll invite her. I want to catch up with all she’s been doing since she moved to LA.”
“Go ahead and invite her, then. Just don’t expect me to come, too.”
“Jacob,” she said in a disapproving voice. “It’s been a long time. I know things were...bad for both of you. But can’t you two just be friends now, since you went through the same heartache together? You were such good pals for such a long time.”
Good pals. That had been true for what seemed like nearly his entire life—until they’d become lovers. And then had come the happy surprise...before the horrible shock and the heartbreak. The fact that his mother wanted him to be friends with Rory now told him she had no clue how bad it had really been.
He wished he didn’t still feel the bitter resentment and hurt. But seeing her for even a few minutes last night had proved he still wasn’t ready to move on from that.
Maybe he never would be.
The moment he’d walked in through her mother’s front door a storm of emotion had swarmed up and strangled him. Far more than he’d expected, considering it had been seven years since he’d last seen her at her dad’s funeral, and they’d barely spoken then.
But he hadn’t forgotten the amazing deep green of her eyes—like moss on a hillside in the summer. The honey highlights in her silky brown hair. And when he’d slipped and fallen on that damned floor, and she’d leaned over him, he’d been stunned that she smelled exactly the same as she always had. She obviously still dabbed grapefruit oil on her skin—something her mother had encouraged her to use as a child, claiming it boosted the immune system and made people feel more cheerful.
Rory had always rolled her eyes at her mother’s conviction about all the things herbal oils would do for a person, and he’d sometimes wondered why she used it when it she claimed she didn’t believe in it. Obviously she liked the stuff, no matter what she said about it.
If he closed his eyes he swore he could still smell her. But he wasn’t going to tell his mother about all those memories and the discomfort—damn it, the anguish he’d felt when Rory left. Or that it was careening around inside of him all over again.
Before he could come up with some kind of answer that would satisfy her, Ellie poked her head in the door again.
“Rory Anderson is on the line. She says she thinks her mom has a urinary tract infection. She’s having trouble passing urine, and it’s cloudy. She’s wondering if she can get an antibiotic from you.”
He hesitated, then opened his mouth to say he’d write it and Ellie could call it into the pharmacy in Fairbanks. He forced himself to close it again. His policy was never to prescribe medicine—especially antibiotics—over the phone. He had to see the patient first, make sure it was really what they needed.
But maybe this time he could make an exception, since Rory was a doctor. He could leave a prescription at the front desk for Rory to pick up, and he wouldn’t have to see her—except for the day after her mother went to her surgeon for a follow-up.
No. Much as he didn’t want to see Rory, he couldn’t let his feelings urge him to violate good medical practice. Rory dealt with bones in her job. Who knew when she’d last had a patient with a UTI? Not to mention that a lot of surgeons called in antibiotic specialists for post-op infections. Truth was, there was no way around it.
He grimaced. “Tell her to bring Wendy in right now. We’ll fit her in before the day’s over.”
* * *
“I feel fine, Aurora. I mean, yes, it really hurts to go to the bathroom, but my stitches hurt, too. I don’t see any reason we have to go see Jacob. Can’t I just take more pain medicine?”
“A urinary tract infection isn’t something to mess around with, Twinkie. Not when you were on a catheter post-op and are having fever and chills now. You don’t want it to get worse and result in a kidney infection. Plus, you’ll be more comfortable when an antibiotic gets rid of it.”
“I just hate going to doctors.”
“Who doesn’t? Except this doctor is one of your favorite people, so quit complaining. He already said he’ll squeeze you in this evening.”
Which had her feeling relieved that her mom would get the meds she needed, but totally dreading having to see Jake again, even though her mother would love it.
“Okay. I guess it’s true that seeing Jacob is always fun. But why can’t you just get me an antibiotic, if that’s what you think I need? Isn’t that why you went to doctor school?”
“I went to doctor school for a little more than that.” Trust her mom to make her laugh, even as Rory was a ball of nerves. “But I can’t prescribe medicine here. I don’t have a medical license or privileges in Alaska.”
“Well, that makes no sense. You were born here, for heaven’s sake! Can’t you just show them your birth certificate?”
“It doesn’t work that way. I’d have to apply and take a test.” Which she wasn’t going to do, even though there had been a time when she’d thought she’d work here forever. Now the goal was to get that position at the hospital in LA and make her move away from here permanent.
She stroked her mother’s wavy blond hair that barely showed any silvery threads. It still hung nearly to her waist, as it always had, and Rory wondered if she could convince her to let her cut it, at least a little, so it would be easier to take care of.
Then again, it was such a part of who her mother was that it was probably worth the extra work, so she gently twisted it and secured it into a semi-tamed ponytail.
“Then just take the test.”
“Maybe someday.” Meaning never. “But until then the only way for you to get an antibiotic is to go to a doctor here, and Jacob is close by.”
“Well, if that’s what we have to do,” her mother said, shaking her head in clear disbelief of the protocols involved in medical care. “When do we leave?”
“Right now.” Her stomach squeezed, but she stiffened her shoulders and helped her mom get her coat on. The sooner they got there, the sooner it would be over with. “They’re closing his office soon.”