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It was just a ten-minute drive from her mother’s house to downtown Eudemonia—if you could call it downtown.
At the age of eight Rory had been amazed when she’d gone to Fairbanks for the first time, to do some clothes shopping. Before then her mother had sewn or knitted all of it—until her dad had decided they should stop homeschooling her, and send her to the public school instead.
She’d stood out like a sore thumb at that school for a while, until she’d learned how to fit in, and one of those ways had been wearing off-the-rack clothes. She’d met Jacob Hunter at that school, too—the boy who’d become her hero.
She’d had no idea that a real downtown had more than a post office, a few stores, a medical clinic and multiple bars. Bars being the most important things in a town, as far as many residents were concerned. But, hey, something had to help everyone get through the nearly twenty-four-hour darkness of winter and the bitter cold and isolation of those months, right?
No doubt the bars were still the places where Eudemonians and others from nearby towns got together to listen to local musicians, play cards, checkers or poker and socialize.
Memories of those days had her smiling for a split second—until she remembered she wasn’t a part of this place anymore, and sure wouldn’t be doing any of that while she was here.
A couple of cars were parked behind the clinic, and as soon as she spotted a gleaming black pickup truck, with big, knobbly wheels ready to tackle the snow when it came, she knew it was Jake’s. He’d always loved black cars and manly trucks, saying how he’d have one someday, when he was a doctor like his dad.
A vision of his first beaten-up car, which he’d bought in high school with the money his dad had paid him to keep the clinic clean and take care of the medical waste, popped into her head. He’d still been driving it when all hell had rained down on their heads, and she was glad it wasn’t still around so she didn’t have to see it and remember.
Not that she didn’t remember it as if it were yesterday anyway.
“No need to hurry in, Twinkie,” she said as she helped her mom from the car. “Take your time.”
“I know I’m a pain, marshmallow girl. I’m walking slower than Grandma Lettie did when she was ninety-five. But my belly still hurts a lot, darn it.”
She grinned up at Rory, and the tightness of her chest eased at her mother’s upbeat attitude toward life. Wendy Anderson had always been an odd little thing, but she was special in so many ways. Rory knew she was blessed to have her as a mother, even though she had often been more like the parent and her mother more like the child.
“You could never be a pain. I love you.” She kissed her mother’s cheek, then opened the clinic door for her.
Ellie Sanders stood there, ready to take them back to the examination room, and Rory smiled at the woman who’d worked in the clinic for as long as she could remember. “Hi, Ellie. Thanks so much for fitting Mom in.”
“No thanks necessary, Rory. Besides, it’s thanks to Dr. Hunter, too, not just me. I’m never in a hurry to leave all the excitement of this place and be all alone at home.”
The twinkle in her eyes showed she didn’t really feel lonely, and Rory nearly asked about her kids and grandkids but decided not to go there. She didn’t want to reconnect too much to this town she’d be leaving again soon.
“He’s waiting for you in Room two.”
Rory’s heart seemed to skip a beat with every step down the hallway until they finally reached the room. The door was partly open, and inside she could see Jake’s mother standing there, talking to someone out of her line of vision.
Her heart gave another unpleasant kick. She didn’t really want to make stiff and uncomfortable small talk. But then she started to get annoyed with herself. Was she going to hide away like a child the whole time she was in town?
She pushed the door fully open and there was Jacob. She blinked, and for a second her brain couldn’t quite grasp what she was seeing. Then her heart shook hard, before diving straight into her stomach at the realization that he was holding a baby close in his arms...smiling and kissing its cheek.
Had he married and had a child? He might have. Why wouldn’t he? Growing up, all he’d wanted was to take his dad’s place as Eudemonia’s doctor. To marry, have a family and put down even deeper roots than his partly Alaska Native family had generations ago.
She gulped, trying to get air. Maybe the baby was a patient. Except there was no one in the room except him, his mom and the infant. It wasn’t likely he’d be taking care of a child without any parent around, cuddling it and kissing it and looking at it adoringly.
“Hello, Rory. I haven’t seen you in forever,” Beth Hunter said with a tentative smile. “I was worried I wouldn’t get to see you while you were in town.”
“Hi. I’m... I’m only here for a short time. Until Mom’s sister comes to take over.”
Jake glanced up from the baby and his smile faltered. The effort he put into shoring it up again was obvious as he moved his gaze to her mother.
“Twinkie, I’m glad you’ve come in. If you do have a UTI we definitely need to get it taken care of so it doesn’t make you sick while your body is already working so hard to recover.”
“I hate to bother you, but Aurora insisted.”
Her mother walked closer and gave the baby a couple of gentle pokes in its tummy. It grinned.
“He’s getting so big! My goodness, I can’t believe it. Then again, I haven’t seen him since the party your mom gave to celebrate his adoption. How old is he now?”
“He’s almost a year, Wendy. Can you believe it?” Beth said. “We’re having a birthday party for him next week—I’ll be sure to send you an invitation, if you’re feeling up to coming.”
“Oh, I think I will be—with my Aurora here to help me get well and my sister Patty’s coming soon. How are you doing, Beth?”
“Doing very well, thanks. My grandson keeps me hopping, that’s for sure.”
Rory watched everyone beaming at the child and it took her a herculean effort not to pass out, she felt so woozy.
Adopted? The baby was really his? Did the baby belong to a lover, too? Someone he was committed to? Had he wanted to adopt for that reason? Had he married the baby’s mother and her mom just hadn’t thought to tell her?
The baby reached up his little hand to grab a wad of Jake’s hair and he turned, chuckling, to extricate it from the chubby fist. “Ouch! I don’t tug on your hair, now, do I?”
The baby gurgled and laughed in response, and the sound, along with the sweet, loving smile on Jake’s face as he looked down at the baby, made Rory feel physically sick.
This was what they should have had together. She should have had this baby and the life they’d always planned. Instead it had been stolen after one catastrophic decision, changing both their lives forever.
“Twinkie, why don’t you take a seat on the exam table?” she somehow managed to croak. “I’ll meet you out in the waiting room.”
Blindly, she stumbled down the hall and out of the building, gasping in gulps of cold air. Her knees wobbled and she sat on the step, tucking her head between her knees to try to gather herself.
How embarrassing to fall apart this way. What had happened was long ago and far away, and the last thing she would ever want to be was an object of pity. To have Jake’s mother, Jake himself, shaking their heads sadly because she hadn’t been able to move on the way he obviously had. Because she hadn’t even wanted to.
Selfish. She was being horribly selfish—just like the night she’d made that terrible decision. Going out on that rescue, being all self-righteous, telling herself and everyone else that she was doing it to save someone, when in truth it had been for the adrenaline rush of it. The feeling of self-satisfaction she’d craved. There had been a half-dozen other people who could have taken her place to rescue that man...
She had to put aside her feelings. The right thing to do was to try to feel happy for Jake that he had the kind of life he’d always wanted. That he was living in this town, working alongside his dad as a family physician, with the child he’d adopted. Maybe a woman he loved. He deserved that kind of happiness even if she didn’t.
She heard the door open behind her and lifted her head. She stared across the parking lot at the ruby and gold sunset and tried to compose herself. A gentle hand landed on her shoulder. It was too small and light to be Jake’s.
“Rory, I’m sorry if it was a shock to see Jacob’s son. Obviously your mom didn’t tell you.”
Rory just shook her head, not trusting her voice.
Beth Hunter sat on the cold step beside her and propped the baby on her lap. He had on a little red jacket and knit hat, though Beth wasn’t wearing any kind of coat. But then, she was a Native Alaskan through and through, and her children were just like her and their dad. This baby would grow up like all of them, special and wonderful, and Rory swallowed down the tears that suddenly threatened to choke her.
“Do you want to hear the story about Mika? That’s what his mother named him—Mika. Do you want to know how it came about that Jake adopted him?”
Did she?
Turning her head so she couldn’t see the baby’s sweet face as she shook from the inside out, she nearly told Beth that she’d rather not hear it. But not knowing the story wouldn’t change a thing, would it? She’d still feel this deep ache that he had this beautiful little child. That they didn’t have one together. And if he was in love with someone else—that wouldn’t matter, either.
“Sure.”
“A single woman came to Eudemonia to take a job with the oil company nearby. She was pregnant, and either didn’t know who the father was or didn’t want to say. She came to Jake for prenatal care, and he delivered little Mika here at the clinic. When the baby was only about two months old, his mama came in feeling very feverish with a stiff neck. She was confused, and presented with photophobia.”
A fear of light, along with the other symptoms Beth mentioned, likely would have meant one thing for the woman, and that one thing would have been very bad. Rory kept quiet, but forced herself to turn and look at Beth and the baby cuddled against her.
“Jake suspected it was bacterial meningitis, and immediately gave her a combination of IV antibiotics while he did a spinal tap to confirm the diagnosis. But she’d waited too long to come in, and while Jake and his dad did everything they could she died within hours. There was this sweet, tiny baby boy in the office, with Ellie watching him and his mother was gone... Jake—well, it was hard on him. He wondered if there was something more he should have done. And little Mika was all alone.”
“Jake shouldn’t have felt that way. He knows that kind of virulent bacterial infection has to be caught early or it’s over. It’s not his fault that she died,” Rory said dully, knowing that everyone had said nearly the same thing to her, nine years ago.
Not her fault. But it had felt like her fault anyway, and how could she ever know for sure?
Beth nodded. “He knows that—but still... It was hard. He’d brought little Mika into the world and he felt a connection to him, you know? He was allowed to foster the baby until the adoption went through a couple months later. And now he’s a member of the family and my first grandbaby.”
“He’s a lucky boy.”
And Rory meant it. He was. The Hunter family were some of the best people she knew, and he’d be raised in the same awesome way Jake and his brother and sister had been raised. With love and guidance, a strong work ethic and a love for Alaska—especially Eudemonia.
Somehow the news that Jake wasn’t married and wasn’t in love with the baby’s mother had her breathing slightly easier, even as she tried to figure out how to deal with him being a father. Then again, not being in love with Mika’s mother didn’t mean he wasn’t in a serious relationship.
And why was she even wondering about that? It wasn’t as though either one of them wanted to get involved with each other again.
“So,” Beth said quietly. “How are you? Happy in Los Angeles?”
“I’m good. Fine. I love my job.”
What else could she say? That she loved her job and spent all her time doing it so she wouldn’t have to think about anything else?
“Tell me again what kind of doctor you are? Jake never said.”
Of course he hadn’t. Because he didn’t want to think about her and what had happened to make her change her plans and go to LA any more than she did.
“I’m a pediatric orthopedic surgeon. I take care of children’s broken bones and congenital bone disorders. You might remember I broke my leg falling out of a tree when I was ten? That whole experience amazed me—when I saw the X-rays and how they put it back together. I knew then I wanted to be a bone surgeon.”
She wouldn’t share the fact that the only reason she’d even thought about becoming a doctor was because of the Hunter family, how Jake and his brother had always known that was what they wanted to be, just like their dad.
“Sounds like you’re making a big difference in people’s lives. You must be proud.”
“Yes, it’s a good job.”
“And LA is light-years from here. I bet that was a big adjustment.”
“Warm and sunny year-round? Yes, very different from here.” She forced a smile. “Then again, there’s nothing like the clear air, open skies and bright stars of Alaska. I admit there are times when I miss it.”
“Well...” Beth hesitated, then seemed to change her mind on whatever she’d been about to say. “We’d love to have you over for dinner some night while you’re here. Before you go back. Your mother is more than welcome, too.”
“I doubt she’ll be feeling up to it.”
Beth probably knew it was Rory who wouldn’t feel up to it, but she let it pass.
“I’ll ask her, though. Thanks. And, Beth...?”
“Yes?”
Rory let herself reach out to stroke the baby’s round cheek, and its sweet softness made tears sting the backs of her eyes. “Congratulations on your grandbaby. He’s just beautiful.”
“Rory—”
The door opened and there was Ellie again, interrupting whatever Beth had been about to say. It was beyond a relief.
“Your mother is all set, Rory.”
“Thanks.”
She stood and reached down to help Beth to her feet as the woman propped the baby on her hip.
“Thanks for telling me about Mika and his mother. That...helps.”
Beth squeezed her hand. “I’m always here if you ever want to talk.”
No, she didn’t want to talk. She wanted to hide in her mother’s house, take care of her, then get out of Eudemonia and bury herself in work again. She wanted to commit to that job in LA, far away from here.
“Thanks, but I’m fine.”
That lie stuck in her throat as she met her mother and Jacob walking down the hallway to the front entrance. He was so handsome, so familiar, so...distant. He’d schooled his expression into one of cool professionalism, obviously as intent on keeping an emotional distance from her as she was.
“Definitely a UTI, so it’s good you brought her in. I have a couple of sample packets of antibiotic here,” he said, handing them to her. “I’ll have Ellie send a prescription to a drugstore in Fairbanks, too, because she’ll need to be on them for at least five days.”
“Thanks. We appreciate you seeing us tonight. Sorry we kept you from... Mika.”
Their eyes met, and the pain she felt deep inside was reflected in his eyes as he reached to take the baby from his mother’s arms.
“Not a problem. He’ll have to get used to having his daddy get home late when there are patients to see. Right, buddy?”
Daddy. Buddy. Her throat tightened all over again, and she knew she needed to get out of there.
Just as she was about to turn to her mother the baby leaned forward, slapped his little hands against Jake’s cheeks, and pressed his nose to his. God, it was like something out of a beautiful family movie, and the sweetly intimate picture nearly made the dam burst.
Somehow she gulped back the tears and grabbed her mother’s arm to hustle her toward the front door. No way was she going to humiliate herself by crying right there in front of all of them. But if she didn’t leave right that second, that was exactly what was going to happen.
She felt like every hour would be a matter of survival.
CHAPTER THREE
WITH THE CLINIC CLOSED, Sunday was the best day for Jake to catch up on life, and he strapped Mika into his car seat so they could head to Fairbanks. His parents had offered to have him and the baby drive with them to get supplies, but he’d rather not be stuck going to some of the stores to do the things his mother considered vital. Like picking out balloons and other stuff for the party she was planning for the boy.
“Your grandma is pretty excited about your birthday, Mika,” he said. “Does it hurt your feelings that I don’t want to do any of the decorating she thinks is so important? All I want is to show up with you and eat cake—does that make me a bad dad?”
Mika grinned, babbled and kicked his feet, which Jake took as confirmation that the child didn’t think he was a bad father at all. He leaned in to kiss the baby’s cheek, and as he did so he suddenly remembered Rory’s expression when she’d walked into the office and seen him doing exactly that.
It could only be described as devastated. Every drop of color had drained from her face, and he’d been about to hand the baby to his mother and reach for Rory because he’d been so worried she might faint. Then she’d turned and practically run from the room, and he’d let her go. He knew the woman inside out, and the last thing she ever wanted from anyone was sympathy.
Even when life had thrown such a cruel blow at them she’d refused to lean on anyone, had cut herself off from her parents and her friends.
And from him. Especially him.
He hadn’t known what to do. He’d tried over and over to reach out to her. To hold her. To have them grieve together. To heal together, somehow move on with their lives together after this huge loss.
But what had she done?
She’d upped and left, crushing his dreams. She’d abandoned their plans, their future, the deep love they’d shared. She’d abandoned him, leaving him to bleed alone.
His jaw tightened with the memories. Yeah, she’d left without so much as a goodbye, and as far as he was concerned the shorter her stay here in Eudemonia, the better. He wanted to be the bigger person, to forgive and forget and move on. He thought he had. But from the first second he’d seen her in her mother’s living room, he’d known he was wrong.
What he’d felt at that moment had forced him to face the fact that he’d never forgotten even one little thing about her: her spunky, take-no-prisoners attitude toward life, softened by her loving and giving nature, her independent-to-a-fault spitfire nature that got her into trouble sometimes, her heart-shaped pixie-like face that always changed expression with the wind. Sweet, amused, angry, contrite... You never knew for sure what you’d see there.
He still remembered the exact moment he’d met her, in the fourth grade at the school outside Fairbanks he’d gone to since kindergarten. Remembered the way her beautiful green eyes had fixed on his when he’d told the kid bullying the new girl with the weird clothes to buzz off.
She had looked at him with admiration and awe, as if he was Superman, and from that moment on he’d loved spending time with her. Fishing, bicycling, playing ball, riding snow machines. She’d always acted like he was the best person in the whole world to spend time with, and he’d felt exactly the same about her.
Then college had come—and living in the same dorm building had changed things. One night, with a few illegal beers under their belts, talking had turned into kissing, and the electricity had shocked them both. From that moment their relationship had changed, and what he’d seen when he looked into her eyes had been exactly what he’d felt for her. A love so deep and clear it had made him weak, just as it had also made him strong.
He closed his eyes. She’d been a part of him for so long. And then she’d been gone for nearly as long. All through medical school without her, then moving back here with no Rory around anymore, he’d been able to fool himself that she no longer was.
He’d been wrong.
He shoved down the memories and opened his eyes to kiss Mika’s soft hair before closing the door, wishing he could kiss Rory, too, and hating himself for that. What they’d had had been special, but she’d destroyed it—and a part of him along with it. He’d better keep remembering that. She couldn’t be trusted to be honest, to share what she was feeling, to stick around. No way could he let her sneak back inside his heart for even the few days she would be home.
Not home. Not for her—not anymore.
He dragged his thoughts back to the list of things he needed in Fairbanks and got in the driver’s seat. The truck started with a roar. He stared up at the heavy gray sky, thinking he should get in more supplies than usual, with the possibility of snow on the way. October didn’t usually have precipitation, but you never knew. And any Alaskan had to be well prepared for anything.
He’d barely gone five miles past the fourth and last traffic light in Eudemonia when his phone rang and he saw it was Ellie.
“What’s up?”
“I got a frantic phone call from Pooky Green, saying his son got hurt riding his dirt bike. He’s sure his arm’s broken and wants to bring him to the clinic. I called your dad, but he said they’re already in Fairbanks.”
“Did you tell him we don’t do broken bones? He needs to take him to the ER in Fairbanks.”
“Well, actually, I...um...”
Something about her sheepish and apologetic tone had him wondering what was coming next. “What? Spit it out.”
“I know Rory is a bone specialist, who works with kids, even. So I told Pooky to bring him into the clinic and see if she can look at him. His car isn’t running too well, and he’s worried about driving it all the way to Fairbanks before he works on it. So I figured why not see if she can do something first?”
“Damn it, Ellie.” He didn’t want to see Rory, and he sure as hell didn’t want to work with her. “I wish you’d stop trying to take care of everyone in town. I’m going to Fairbanks, so I’ll take the kid to the ER.”
“Um... I already called Rory. She said she’d come to the clinic to look at him, and see what she thinks. She’s already on her way. But you don’t need to come—I’ll let her in and show her where everything is.”
Jake swore under his breath, counted to ten, then unlocked his jaw. “No one’s going to work at the clinic without either me or Dad around. I’ll meet her there. But please don’t do this again.”
“Oh, I won’t! Thanks, Jake! I know Pooky and Eli really appreciate it. You’re the best.”
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