New Year's Wish

8

IT’S A BAD IDEA. She knew she had to say it as soon as they were done eating the pizza they’d ordered. They weren’t going to be a couple or start dating. She was a mess and he had to know it.

But she liked him. He was fun and he made her feel as though she was a fun person, too. Except that she was also acutely aware that she wasn’t really the woman she acted like around him.

She’d had more sex in the past twenty-four hours than she’d had in the previous ten years; which was both great and confusing. She couldn’t keep the compartments she needed Carter to stay in straight in her mind.

“Stay or hit?” he asked.

They were playing poker...well, blackjack or twenty-one, at her kitchen table. She wore her flannel pajamas and Carter had on just his boxer briefs. It felt intimate and cozy and would be if she’d just let it be. But she couldn’t.

She glanced at her cards, trying to recall the rule that Carter had shared with her for taking cards. She had an eight and a three. She needed twenty-one and had eleven. Seemed pretty safe for a hit.

“Hit.”

He turned a card up in front of her. Ace.

“Damn.”

He laughed. “I’m guessing you want to stay?”

She shook her head. Had she given the game away? She hated to lose, so she needed to pay better attention, but the truth was Carter was a distraction with his naked chest and tattoos sitting across from her. The light from the kitchen shone down on him, his face hidden by the shadows cast on him.

“No,” she said. No guts, no glory had always been her motto. “Hit.”

He gave her another card. It was a seven. A nice, safe little seven card that kept her from going over twenty-one.

“Stay.”

“Think you can beat me?”

He had a face card showing, so chances were he might have a twenty but... What? She’d just said no guts... “You bet I do.”

He took a card and got another face card.

“Ooh, that’s twenty. Did you bust?” she asked.

He flipped up his card to reveal a two. “Why, yes, I did, gorgeous. That means you win.”

“That’s right, I win,” she said, smiling. This was good. Competing against Carter reminded her of all the things that were usually between them.

“Now you have to tell me the one habit you are hoping to break this year,” she said. They’d been playing loser-tells-all for their resolutions.

“Fair enough, but I’m going to ask you about sexual positions. Sure you don’t want to know about them?”

“I don’t have to win a game to get you to tell me about them,” she said. “Now, what habit is it that you want to quit?”

He scratched his chin. “I think I’d like to quit... Wait—does it have to be a vice?”

“Not at all. You get to choose.”

“Well, then, I will quit answering these questions,” he said insolently.

She narrowed her eyes at him. “That’s already your habit. And we both agreed to the terms. You have to answer.” He leaned back in the chair so his expression was visible now. She looked over at him, trying to figure out what was going on behind his handsome face. He was too sexy for his own good. It would have been better if he’d been average looking with that personality of his. He was used to charming anyone—man or woman—into doing whatever he wanted. She was determined to be different.

Hell, that had been her attitude from the beginning. Had she been attracted to him all this time?

“Well, if you must know...” he said. “I’m going to give up pulling all-nighters. I think I’m past the point where I can keep drifting through life.”

She almost laughed, but she knew he was being sincere. He was one of the top athletes in winter sports and he thought he was drifting through life. She kind of got it because that was how she felt now that skiing had been taken from her.

“So what does a serious Carter Shaw look like?” she asked.

“Ah, that, gorgeous, is a second question, and I’m afraid you’ve only earned one,” he said with that half grin of his that she found way too irresistible. “Besides, that’s not on the resolutions list. I might answer it if you win again.”

“So deal,” she said. Now that she was getting the hang of the game and she’d won, she was ready to keep winning. It was a sort of safe way for her to find out more about Carter. Learn all the intimate details about him while keeping her own secrets safe.

“Don’t forget there is a little thing called beginners luck,” he warned as he dealt her two cards.

“I’ve never relied on luck. Just skill and grit. Something that I guess a drifter like you wouldn’t understand.”

“Touché.”

Her cards weren’t so good this time. A five and a nine. Fourteen. It almost felt as if she should stay, but she wanted to win again.

Carter had a three showing.

“Hit me.”

He flipped a card up in front of her. A three. Not what she’d been hoping for, but she smiled as if it was the only thing standing between her and twenty-one and gestured that she’d stay.

“That good, eh?”

She shrugged. “Like I said...no luck needed here.”

It was funny, but she’d forgotten how often she’d had to use her press face with people in the real world to mask what she was really feeling. And now she was doing it playing cards. She’d never tell him, but Carter was giving her back little pieces of herself she hadn’t even realized she’d lost when she’d stopped skiing.

Things such as bluffing, which didn’t seem to have much in common with her skiing life but actually did.

He took a card and got a nine. “I’ll stay. What have you got, gorgeous?”

She flipped up her cards. “Seventeen.”

“Aw, that might be enough to beat me if I didn’t have...”

He flipped his card over. An eight.

An eight!

“Looks like I win.”

“Looks like you do,” she agreed. “What are you going to ask me?”

He leaned forward, that blue-gray gaze of his intense—so intense she couldn’t look away—as he took her hand in his. “Will you give me a shot, or is this just a one-night stand?”

* * *

HE HADN’T MEANT to ask her that, but now that he had, he knew that was exactly the only thing he wanted an answer for. Today had been one of the best of his life. But there was a part of him that realized she had pegged him into the casual category and he knew he wanted more.

He had to know what he was up against. Just like each time he stood at the lip of the half-pipe and took a breath before taking his run. Each half-pipe was different. Each run unique. And he prepared for the different mountains and the different events as if he’d never taken a run at it before.

Lindsey was like an unfamiliar run. This was his first time with a woman who mattered. She mattered. The words echoed around in his brain as he sat at the table trying to be cool. Or as cool as a guy could be wearing just his underwear while playing cards.

It had felt right until this moment when he’d laid everything out in front of her. He saw in her eyes the moment she thought she’d come up with an answer. She tipped her head to the side and gave him that smile he’d seen on her face in photographs a million times.

“What kind of shot?” she asked coyly.

“One where you don’t wear a fake smile,” he said.

Sure, he loved games, but not with her. Or at least not with her at this moment.

“I honestly don’t know what to say.” She released a breath. “I think it’s a bad idea to take this any further. Because like I already told you when I left your hotel room this morning, I’m dealing with some stuff. It’s not fair to get involved with anyone at this moment.”

He nodded and leaned back in his chair. “Fair enough.” He wanted to argue but he knew that he wasn’t going to change her mind. Not right now anyway.

“That’s it? I was expecting an argument or some passionate plea to give you a shot,” she said.

“Do I look like I have to beg a woman to be with me?” he asked. But that was pride making him stupid. He shouldn’t have said it and knew it the moment the words had left his mouth.

“No, you look like a guy who has too many women saying yes... I think I’ve had enough of games for today. Why don’t we call it a night?”

Damn. He should say something—apologize—but she’d slammed him hard in the ego and he wasn’t ready to let her know that. Doubted he ever truly would be.

“Good idea,” he said.

Carter left her kitchen and went to the hallway, where his clothes sat in a pile, and got dressed. He’d pushed too hard, he knew it, but could see no way to back out of this without admitting he was an ass.

He heard her in the hallway and looked up to see her hovering in the doorway. The expression on her face was unreadable, and he wondered if there was anything he could say. He wished he was better at interacting with people, would give up his ability to do a 360 for the chance to make this right.

“I— Thank you, for today,” she said quietly. “Thanks for the fun in the snow and...everything else. I needed it. You’ve helped me kick off this year with a great start.”

She was classy. He had to admit even when showing him the door, she did it in such a way that he almost didn’t mind. He had sensed from the first moment they’d met that there was something different about her and now he knew what it was.

She had a kind, beautiful heart.

Lindsey had that innate goodness that he’d never been able to find. Even when he wanted to be nice, it usually came off as self-serving. He’d tried, but around her it was easy to see that he would continue to fail.

“What can I say? It’s all a part of the Carter Shaw package.” He bent to tie his boots, and then straightened to face her.

“Don’t do that,” she said.

“Do what?”

“Make it sound like you don’t feel things like I do.” Their gazes met and held, and he could see a depth of emotion glimmering in her beautiful brown eyes.

“What makes you believe that I could?”

“I spent the day with you, Carter. I saw a side of you that few people ever do, and I’m so glad I did.” She reached up and gently squeezed his biceps. “I like you.”

But she was still kicking him out. “Gosh, thanks.”

“Stop it. You know what I mean. I had no idea that behind that big braggart and awesome talent was a man who could see past his own ego and help me try to conquer my fears. I really can’t thank you enough.”

His jaw flexed and he swallowed hard. That was nothing. He hated that he might be even the tiniest bit responsible for her not skiing anymore, and he didn’t want to think of the winter sports without her. For him the two things were inexorably tied together. So even his unselfish move of trying to get her back on skis had turned out to be for him.

“You’re welcome,” he said at last, because he really didn’t know what else to say. There was a part of him that knew if he was an eloquent man, maybe more like his old man, he’d come up with just the right sentiment to express.

But he wasn’t that guy.

He was a tattooed snowboarder who’d been searching all his life for the next big thrill. The next adrenaline-fueled high he could find. He’d never have guessed that he’d find it in this cool Nordic blond, Alpine Super G skier who always seemed to look right through him.

“Goodbye,” he said.

He turned, opened the door and forced himself to walk away without looking back. But he wanted to see if she watched him as he left. Wanted to know if he’d had an impact on her the way she had him. But was afraid to see the truth: that he might need her more than she wanted him.

* * *

LINDSEY STEPPED INTO the boardroom at the Lars Usten lodge with more than a little trepidation. It had been two weeks since she’d sent Carter away, and she wasn’t sure if he’d be at this meeting or not. She’d been back to that little snow mound three more times.

The first time she hadn’t been able to go down the hill on her sled. The second time she’d gotten mad, climbed to the top and stood there shaking until she’d forced herself to slide down. It had been hard, but she’d forced herself to do it three more times before going home, and then yesterday she’d gone and just did it. The fear was still there, but she was finding her strength again.

This weekend she hoped to get back on her skis and actually go down one of the easier runs in the Wasatch Range. But today she had to get through a corporate meeting.

She just didn’t like having to dress up and sit in a stuffy boardroom. The lodge itself was rustic and homey. First-class luxury. She loved the large patios that overlooked the picturesque mountain vistas and the pristine ski trails.

“You’re one of the first to arrive,” Elizabeth Anders said, coming over to give her a hug. “I’m glad. I have missed our breakfasts and was hoping you’d have time for a coffee before we get started.”

Her friend was the general manager of the lodge and had recently—as in on New Year’s Eve—married her best friend, Bradley. Lindsey had been one of the bridesmaids at the ceremony.

“I didn’t know exactly when you were getting back from your honeymoon today,” Lindsey said. “I’ve missed our breakfasts, too. Too much time alone with myself and my thoughts.”

“Like what?” Elizabeth asked as she led the way down the hall to where a coffee service was set up.

“Nothing. Just some crazy decisions I made on New Year’s Eve,” she said as she made herself a cup of coffee. No way was she going to elaborate on what had gone down with Carter. But it was nice to have her friend back, so maybe for a little while she didn’t have to keep thinking about it.

“How was your honeymoon?”

“Fab. The Lars Usten Resort in the Caribbean was really nice. And it was a change of pace to be a guest and not have to always be watching for things that might go wrong.”

Lindsey laughed. Elizabeth looked polished from head to toe, like someone who had everything all together. Even when she was going through the ups and downs of falling in love with Bradley she’d still done it with panache.

Something that Lindsey never felt she had.

“That’s great.”

“Are you okay?” Elizabeth asked, her brow in concern. “You don’t seem yourself today.”

Lindsey nodded. “Just nervous about this meeting. I know what the event is supposed to be but I’ve never been on a committee before.”

“You’ll do fine. It’s nothing like skiing sixty miles per hour.”

Lindsey gave Elizabeth the smile she was sure her friend was looking for. But she knew that skiing wasn’t easy, and this meeting wouldn’t be, either. Of course, she could contribute and she’d do whatever she had to to make the charity ski event a success.

The event had been proposed by Carter and had taken a lot of the resort owners in the area by surprise. The last time he had proposed something it had been to allow snowboarders on the runs in the valley; something that had gone against the resort owners’ policies. He’d won them over, and now skiers and snowboarders were welcome on the mountain, but he hadn’t exactly endeared himself to the owners with that move.

So the charity event, which would bring world-class athletes and young kids interested in winter sports together, had initially caught the higher-ups off guard. Lindsey smiled to herself at the thought of how shocked the owners had been to see their old nemesis in a different light.

Not unlike the way she was. Carter had changed, and he’d sort of changed her. She missed having him around, but wouldn’t admit it to herself or to anyone else. She figured if she had a few restless nights plagued with dreams of making love on her kitchen table with Carter, that was the price she had to pay for peace of mind.

“Hello, ladies,” he said, walking up to her and Elizabeth. Seeming to appear from out of nowhere.

She took a sip of her coffee and burned her tongue. He looked good. Polished in that roguish way of his. Elizabeth and he were chatting, but all she could do was watch him and acknowledge to herself that her dream-induced fantasies fell far short of the real man. She missed him.

No denying that.

“Well, Linds, how’s the skiing going?” he asked after Elizabeth excused herself to greet some of the other committee members.

“Great,” she said. No use telling him she still hadn’t made it up the mountain. That was her personal struggle. “How long are you here for?”

“For the next six months.”

Her eyes widened. “What? Why that long?”

“This charity event is my number one priority right now,” he said. “And I told you I was going to get you back on skis. I can’t do that from California, now, can I?”

“I think you’ve done enough. Feel free to go back to Cali.”

He leaned in close to her and the spicy scent of his aftershave wrapped around her, reminding her of how strong the scent had been when she’d rested her head on his shoulder after making love.

“I promise you I haven’t done nearly enough.”

9

CARTER SAT ACROSS from Lindsey in the meeting. He was excited for the event and when he’d originally come up with the idea had known it was going to be a hard sell. Truth was, he’d never really played up to the resort owners in Park City, Utah, and the surrounding valley. They had sort of always looked down on snowboarders, but he wasn’t Houston Shaw’s son for nothing, and had learned from his father that turning adversaries into business partners made for some interesting and profitable ventures.

But this wasn’t about profit. This was about bringing snowboarding and skiing to kids who couldn’t afford it otherwise. Giving them the chance to have what he’d always had. To be honest, he hadn’t realized how much of a financial struggle competing at the world-class level could be, since he’d had the benefit of his father’s money.

Lindsey understood that. She spoke eloquently on the fact that it wasn’t just inner-city kids or those at the lowest economic level who needed help, but also middle-class families who were getting by—as her family had when her talent had been spotted.

“I think we’re all on board now,” Lars Usten, the namesake and owner of the resort, said. “We just need to figure out what the event will look like.”

“I see it as a three-or four-day event,” Carter told them. “Starting on a Thursday with events for the kids who’ve maybe signed up through our program to have lessons.”

“What program?” Elizabeth asked. “Is this something new to the agenda?”

“Yes,” Carter said. He passed around some folders that outlined his idea. “Since we’re not doing the event until the fall, I propose we start getting local kids involved in training sessions now. I’d like to see each of your resorts offer up your facilities, and maybe we can have teams to compete against each other.”

Everyone had opened the folder and was skimming the contents. He had done a lot of work.

“Bradley Hunt of FreshSno is donating the gear for the kids, and Thunderbolt, my energy drink sponsor, will give the kids the clothing they need,” he said finally. “Ski pants, jackets and a T-shirt. All I really need now is your resorts and time on the slopes.”

“That’s great, but who’s going to teach the kids? We all have full-time jobs,” Lindsey reminded him. “Not everyone is a man of leisure like you.”

“Well, I’m going to teach snowboarding. It’s what I’m good at and, as you’ve pointed out, I do have the time. I’m sure there must be a few former world champs who wouldn’t mind teaching the next generation.”

“I didn’t say I minded,” Lindsey said, bristling at his insinuation. “Of course I’ll do it on my days off. These will just have to be needs based and when I’m not teaching the kids from the resort.”

“Good. So now we’ve got Alpine skiing and snowboarding,” Carter replied.

“I’ve got an idea,” Bradley said. “Watching you two square off... What if we put together two teams, captained by each of you, to raise funds? Anyone who follows winter sports knows that you are adversaries—the Ice Queen versus the Bad Boy.” He smiled broadly. “It’s classic and fun. We can have people from the committee and other resort staff members on the teams as well as the kids. What do you think?”

Carter liked it. It was an innovative idea and would give him a chance to spend more time with Lindsey. A legitimate reason that she wouldn’t be able to back out of. “Sure. I think it’s got some merit. Plus, it’s for charity. I want to see it be a success.”

Lindsey glared at him from across the table. He wasn’t sure what it was he was doing today, but he seemed to be getting on her nerves. Perfect. He wanted her to be aware of him and to be bothered by him. It seemed only fair, since she was bothering him.

He was here because of a cause that was dear to him. He’d seen a lot of talented kids over his years in the sport that’d had to quit because they couldn’t afford gear. That wasn’t right.

But then, as he stared back at Lindsey, a telltale smirk suddenly tugged at his lips. Okay, if he was being totally honest, his reasons for being here weren’t entirely altruistic. It was also because he’d wanted to see her again and this was the only way he’d been able to do it. She’d shut him out. He’d thought about calling, but he wasn’t going to keep chasing her. At least not in an obvious way.