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He’d got exactly what he wanted.
For weeks he’d been trying to deny the attraction between him and Tess, focusing his efforts on courting her and trying not to think about the night they’d made love. His proposal might have been motivated by a desire to give his baby a family, but now that they were married, he found himself wanting more.
And right now he wanted Tess in his bed.
She’d finally agreed to marry him so that their baby could have a full-time father. Their marriage was a means to an end. So why wasn’t he happy?
Because he wanted more. He wanted it all.
He almost laughed out loud. He had a challenging and rewarding career, a beautiful home in the suburbs, a child on the way. What else was there?
Love.
For Neill, the man I love
and who also happens to be my best friend.
And for Jamie, with thanks.
BRENDA HARLEN
grew up in a small town surrounded by books and imaginary friends. Although she always dreamed of being a writer, she chose to follow a more traditional career path first. After two years of practising as a lawyer (including an appearance in front of the Supreme Court of Canada), she gave up her “real” job to be a mum and to try her hand at writing books. Three years, five manuscripts and another baby later, she sold her first book – an RWA Golden Heart Winner.
Brenda lives in Southern Ontario with her real- life husband/hero, two heroes-in-training and two neurotic dogs. She is still surrounded by books (“too many books,” according to her children) and imaginary friends, but she also enjoys communicating with “real” people. Readers can contact Brenda by e-mail at brendaharlen@ yahoo.com
Dear Reader,
I’m always amazed by the unexpected consequences that result from seemingly ordinary events. An example from my own life is when I met Jamie in university. We played baseball together, shared a couple of classes and then he invited me to a party. An ordinary event…
Five years later, I married a man I met at that party. Unexpected (and very happy) consequences…
Tess Lucas and Craig Richmond are two longtime friends trying to get their relationship back on track after spending the night together. But the events of that ordinary night (OK, it was better than ordinary – after all, Craig is the hero) have unexpected consequences.
Now Tess is pregnant and there are some serious decisions to be made. He wants to get married; she doesn’t. At least they both agree on one thing: falling in love is NOT an option.
They are about to find out that sometimes the most unexpected and extraordinary things do happen.
I hope you enjoy their story.
Best,
Brenda Harlen
BRENDA HARLEN
Chapter One
Craig Richmond tapped his foot impatiently as he waited for the door to open. He knew Tess was home— he’d called first to make sure, determined that her campaign of avoidance was about to come to an end. He wasn’t going to let their fifteen-year friendship fall apart just because they’d made the mistake of sleeping together.
Not that he thought it was a mistake. More like a long-denied fantasy finally realized. But Tess obviously regretted making love with him. And while he was disappointed that there wouldn’t be a repeat performance of their one night together, he wasn’t going to abandon everything they meant to one another because of it. Tonight they were going to talk about what happened and find a way to move past it.
At last the door opened and she was there.
He drank in the sight of her, from the dark, slightly tousled hair, wide eyes the color of a clear summer sky and temptingly full lips, moving lower, lingering a moment in appreciation of her feminine curves before following the endless length of shapely legs.
He’d been angry that she was ignoring his calls, hurt that she was shutting him out, but mostly he’d been lonely without his best friend. He’d missed her smile and her laughter, her warmth and compassion. He’d missed talking to her and just being with her. And because he’d missed her friendship so much, he was determined to ignore the desire that stirred whenever he was with her— as he’d ignored it for so many years already.
He met her gaze, saw the confusion and awkwardness he felt reflected in her eyes and forced a smile. “Hi.”
“Hi,” she replied to his greeting.
He waited for her to step back and invite him inside, but she remained on the threshold, barring his entry.
He shifted the takeout bag he carried from one hand to the other. “Can I come in?”
She hesitated a moment before she responded, “I told you on the phone that this isn’t really a good time.”
“There hasn’t been a good time for the past several weeks,” he pointed out. “And I’m not leaving until we’ve had a chance to talk. So we can talk here, in the hallway, or you can invite me in to share my Pad Thai.”
“I’m not very hungry.” But she finally stepped away from the door and let him in.
Craig went directly to the kitchen, as comfortable in her apartment as he was in his own, and took two plates from the cupboard. Tess hovered uncertainly behind him as he divided up the noodles. He glanced back at her, noted the pallor of her cheeks and the dark smudges under her eyes that had escaped his initial scrutiny. He wondered if memories of their lovemaking had been keeping her awake at night, too, and derived a certain amount of satisfaction from that thought.
“Let’s eat,” he said, carrying the plates to the table.
She sat across from him, eyed the meal warily.
He frowned at her obvious lack of interest, but determinedly dug into his food. Several minutes passed in silence while he ate and Tess poked at her noodles. Then he heard her fork clatter against the plate. He looked over and saw that her cheeks weren’t just pale now, they were tinged with green.
“Tess—”
Before he could say anything else, she shoved back her chair and raced down the hall. He heard the slam of the bathroom door and the muted, yet unmistakable sound, of retching.
He pushed his own plate away, his own stomach feeling a little unsettled now, too. Maybe Tess had a touch of the flu that was going around.
Or maybe there was another explanation for both her physical symptoms and her determination to avoid him since the night they’d had sex and the condom broke. Maybe she was pregnant.
Tess Lucas stared at the pink cardboard box in Craig’s hand and felt her cheeks flush the same color. Last night, he’d shown up at her apartment with dinner. Today, it was a pregnancy test.
She closed her eyes, as if that would make the box— and the possibility—go away.
She’d been feeling tired and nauseous for a couple of weeks now, but had assumed she had probably caught some virus. And the tenderness in her breasts was likely an indication that she was about to get her period. Because she was going to get her period—any day now, she was sure. Then she could stop worrying about the possible repercussions of faulty latex.
Unfortunately, when she opened her eyes again the box—and Craig—were still there.
She took the package from his outstretched hand and moved into the living room, dropping it on the coffee table before sinking into her favorite overstuffed chair. Craig followed her into the room but remained standing.
“That isn’t quite what I expected you to do with it,” he said dryly.
“What did you expect?”
“That you’d be as anxious as I am to know the truth.”
“The truth is that it’s been a long week and I don’t have the energy to jump to conclusions like you’re doing.” She’d been trying for casual, but the strain in her voice was obvious to her own ears.
“I’m not jumping to any conclusions yet,” he responded in a tone that was infinitely patient and reasonable.
Of course, Craig was always patient and reasonable, calm and unflappable. It was one of reasons he was such an effective vice president at Richmond Pharmaceuticals, the family-owned company he would run someday.
Tess couldn’t even fake that kind of control. She couldn’t pretend that the possibility of pregnancy didn’t terrify her. She wanted children—someday. But not now and not like this. She felt her stomach rising again and drew in a deep breath, trying to will the nausea away.
“Please, Tess. Take the test.”
“Why are you doing this?” she asked wearily.
“Because I think it would be better to know for sure than to sit around worrying about it,” he told her.
“Well, I don’t.” She didn’t care if she sounded unreasonable to him. She didn’t want to know the truth; she didn’t want to think about how completely and irrevocably a baby would change her life.
“You need to find out,” he said gently. “So that you can consider your options.”
“I’m twenty-nine years old—I know what my options are. And if I’m pregnant, I’ll have the baby.” Although she strongly believed that a woman had the right to make her own decisions about her body, she had no doubt what hers would be.
Craig nodded toward the table, to the pregnancy test she’d tossed aside. “Why don’t you take the test, then we’ll know?”
As much as she hated to admit it, she knew he was right. He usually was. She grabbed the box and took it to the bathroom.
Her heart was pounding, her head was spinning and she felt as though she was going to throw up. Again.
She closed the door behind her and pried open the end of the box with trembling fingers. The contents spilled out onto the counter: one page of instructions and a foil-wrapped plastic stick. It certainly looked harmless enough, not like something that had the power to change her whole life.
And, of course, it didn’t. Her life—or at least her relationship with Craig—had been changed by her own actions.
The attraction had been there from the beginning—at least on Tess’s part. A shy teenager, she’d developed an almost painful crush on him. But she’d kept her adolescent dreams locked deep inside and they’d become friends. Now almost fifteen years of friendship were in jeopardy because of one night of insanity.
Not that everything had changed in that one night. There had been subtle shifts in their relationship over the years—casual flirtations and occasional tensions. But they’d mostly managed to ignore those undercurrents for the sake of their friendship. Until the night they’d made love.
She’d hoped they might somehow manage to get past what had happened, but she wasn’t optimistic. Not when the mere sight of his mouth brought back memories of his lips moving over her body and the most casual touch reminded her of his hands caressing her bare skin. How could they possibly resume any kind of platonic relationship when she couldn’t forget that she’d been naked with him—and couldn’t stop wanting to get naked with him again?
But right now the awkwardness between them was the least of her worries. More important, was deciding what she was going to do about her future. Because she didn’t need the test to tell her the truth she’d been trying so hard to deny, that she’d known deep inside for almost two weeks now. And the truth was that the tiny being she carried in her womb—Craig’s baby—had already taken firm hold of her heart.
But he would want the proof, so she peed on the stick and waited. And while she waited, her mind wandered and worried.
She didn’t know what his thoughts and plans were with respect to having a family—except that he’d recently broken up with the latest in a seemingly unending string of girlfriends because she’d been hinting about the future and he wasn’t ready to commit to anything further than a week away. And while Tess had always dreamed of having children one day, she’d also hoped to have a husband—someone with whom to share the joys and responsibilities of raising children. After finding her fiancé in their bed with his ex-wife, she accepted that that was another dream that wouldn’t be a reality. She would have this baby on her own and make whatever adjustments were necessary to her life to be the best single mother she could be.
She stared at her watch as the final seconds ticked away.
Then she took a deep breath, wiped her hands down the front of her skirt and picked up the plastic stick. According to the instructions, if there was only one line in the window, she wasn’t pregnant; if there were two lines, she was.
She turned the stick over.
One.
Two.
Her knees suddenly buckled and she sank down onto the edge of the bathtub.
She was going to have a baby.
She was overwhelmed.
Terrified.
And just a little bit excited.
A baby.
Tess didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, but she knew that nothing in her life would ever be the same.
* * *
How long did the damn test take?
It was the question that dogged his heels as Craig paced across the tile floor of Tess’s kitchen.
There had been a whole shelf of pregnancy tests in the pharmacy and he’d read the directions on every single one, wanting to make an informed choice, to make this difficult process a little easier for both of them. As if anything could. But he was certain he’d at least picked the box that promised the quickest response.
Who knew that two minutes could seem like an eternity?
Or maybe Tess was still balking at taking the test. Maybe she wasn’t ready to face the results.
He couldn’t blame her for being scared. Since he’d first acknowledged the possibility that she might be pregnant with his child twenty-four hours earlier, he’d felt as though there was a vice gripping his chest— an increasing pressure that stole his breath at unexpected moments.
After the end of his brief and regrettable engagement more than a year and a half earlier, he’d been careful not to make any promises or commitments to the women he dated. He’d certainly never contemplated fathering a child with any of them. A baby was the ultimate responsibility—a lifelong commitment—and one that he had no intention of taking on. Ever.
He refused to bring an unwanted child into the world—refused to give any woman that kind of weapon to wield against him in battles about custody and access and child support. No way. He knew only too well what it was like to be that weapon and he’d decided the only way to ensure the same thing would never happen to any child of his own was to never have children.
So he’d always been careful about birth control, determined to protect any woman he was with as much as himself. And while he was aware that no method of contraception was one hundred percent effective, he’d never before had a condom break.
The fact that it had happened with Tess both relieved and frustrated him. He knew she didn’t sleep around, so the only potential repercussion to worry about was pregnancy. But that was a huge worry, not just because he wasn’t ready—and might never be ready—to be a father, but because he hated to think how an unplanned pregnancy would affect Tess’s life. She was his friend, his confidante—the one woman who meant more to him than any other—and he’d failed to take care of her.
He winced at the selfishness of his own actions. He’d known immediately that something had happened, but he didn’t pull out. It felt too good to be inside her, deep in the warm heat of her body. And then her legs had wrapped around him, her fingernails had dug into his shoulders and he’d been helpless to do anything but follow the urging of his body and drive them both to the finish.
He shoved his hands into his pockets as he continued to pace. The last thing he needed to be thinking about right now was making love with Tess, but as hard as he tried, he couldn’t seem to banish the memories. And if he couldn’t think about that night without guilt and remorse, he also couldn’t forget how perfect everything had been up to that moment when he’d realized the condom had broke. He couldn’t sleep without dreaming of her and then he’d wake and ache with desires.
He’d known having sex with her would change their friendship and he’d expected a certain amount of awkwardness. But he hadn’t expected that he wouldn’t be able to look at her without wanting to get her into his bed again.
He forced the tempting picture from his mind and glanced at his watch.
She must have finished the test by now.
The sound of her shoes clicking softly on the tile seconds before she stepped into view confirmed that she had.
Her eyes were wide, her cheeks white, her lips pressed tightly together.
Despite her obvious distress, he felt some of the pressure inside his chest ease. Maybe it was strange, but he’d found the not knowing worse than the truth. Now, at least they could face their future.
“We’re going to have a baby,” he said.
She nodded slowly.
He wanted to take her in his arms, to reassure her that they were in this together. But he suspected that she wouldn’t appreciate the overture, especially since it was his desire to comfort her that had led to another kind of desire and landed them in this current predicament.
She moved past him into the kitchen and he caught a whiff of her scent, something subtly fruity and distinctly Tess. He felt the stir of desire again, immediately followed by a stab of guilt at the realization he was lusting after his best friend—the woman who was pregnant with his child.
She opened the fridge and pulled out a can of ginger ale. “Do you want one?”
“Sure,” he agreed.
She passed him the can and took another out for herself, popped the top. Her hands, he noted, weren’t quite steady and her complexion had taken on the slightly green tinge he recognized from last night’s incident with the Pad Thai.
“Are you going to be sick?” he asked.
“I hope not.” She took a long swallow of her soda. “But someone needs to fix this baby’s internal clock because my supposed ‘morning’ sickness usually seems to strike in the evening.”
“Has it been very bad?” he asked, both curious and concerned.
She shook her head. “I can’t complain. I remember my sister was sick all day during the first few months of her pregnancy with Becca.”
“I’m sorry, Tess.”
“About what—the nausea or my pregnancy?”
“Both,” he admitted.
“Don’t be,” she said. “Even though this wasn’t planned, I want this baby.”
“What can I do?”
Her smile was wry. “You’ve already done your part.”
“As I recall, we did that part together.”
“You’re right.” She dropped her gaze as her cheeks colored. While Tess had always been frustrated by her blushing, he’d always been fascinated by it. She was a smart, savvy professional woman, and yet the pinking of her cheeks hinted at an innocence that was surprisingly arousing and incredibly tempting.
“And we’ll do the rest together,” he said. “I’m not going to leave you to deal with this on your own.”
“I am on my own and I can manage this pregnancy on my own.”
He should have guessed that was how she’d approach this. Strong, capable, independent Tess—she didn’t need anyone or anything. As she was constantly reminding him whenever he made the mistake of offering to help. Her independence was one of the things he admired about her even when it frustrated the hell out of him.
But this time, he wouldn’t let her cut him out of the equation. It was, after all, his baby she was carrying and he was determined to find a solution that would work for all of them. “We could get married.”
Tess stared at him, clearly stunned by his suggestion.
Okay, he was a little surprised, too. He didn’t know where those words had come from, had no clue that such an idea would pop out of his mouth. But now that it had, he realized it was, in some ways, a logical response to the situation. A baby deserved to be loved and cared for by both parents, and marrying Tess would ensure that they’d both be involved in their child’s life.
Since his close call with Lana, the mere thought of committing himself to any one woman for the rest of his life was enough to make him break out in hives. Yet here he was not just thinking it but saying it. Out loud.
He tugged at his tie, swallowed.
Tess seemed to recover from her shock first, because she laughed.
He frowned.
“I’m almost tempted to say ‘yes’,” she told him. “Just to see if your face could possibly get any whiter.”
“Instinctive reaction to the M-word,” he admitted.
She smiled gently. “I know.”
“That’s no reason to laugh off the suggestion.” And now that he’d spoken the word out loud—without choking on it—he found the idea taking root in his mind.
“You’re kidding, right?”
“We’re going to have a baby. Why shouldn’t we get married?”
“Is that a question or a proposal?” she asked. “Because if it’s a question, I can give you a thousand reasons why we shouldn’t get married. And if it’s a proposal, the answer’s no.”
“A thousand reasons?” he challenged, both relieved and annoyed by her automatic refusal.
“Starting with the fact that you don’t want to get married,” she reminded him.
She was right. He could hardly deny it now when he’d told her exactly that when he’d broken up with Lana and repeated it numerous times since then.
The truth was, he loved women—blondes, brunettes, redheads. He loved the way they looked and the way they moved, their scents and their softness. He loved everything about them, but he’d never fallen in love with any of them.
Tess believed the scars from his mother’s abandonment prevented him from opening his heart, and maybe there was something to that. When Charlene Richmond walked out of her husband’s home she’d abandoned not just her marriage but her children. One day she was there and the next she was gone, and he’d been devastated.
She came back a few months later, claiming to want the sons she’d left behind, but Craig had already learned not to trust too easily or love too deeply.
“Maybe I’ve changed my mind about marriage,” he said to Tess now.
She shook her head. “I need you to be my friend more than I need a husband, Craig.”
“I am your friend.” He took her hands in his, linked their fingers together. “That doesn’t mean I can’t be more.”
“Anything more will only complicate the situation.”
“It seems to me the situation is already complicated.”
She unlaced their hands and stepped away from him.
“You could at least give it some consideration,” he said.
“No,” she said again.
“You’re being unreasonable, Tess.”
She didn’t think so. Unreasonable had been going home with Craig, kissing him, touching him, falling into bed with him. Now she was facing the consequences of those impulsive actions and she was determined to do so rationally and reasonably. She’d expected that he, of all people, would appreciate a logical approach to the situation. “I don’t expect anything from you, Craig.”
“Why the hell not?” he demanded.
She blinked at the anger in his tone. “Because…I’m not going to hold you responsible for something that was my fault.”
“Do I have to remind you again that we made this baby together?”
“You know what I mean,” she said, ignoring the heat that infused her cheeks. She certainly didn’t need him to remind her of the night they’d made love—the night their baby had been conceived.
“No, I don’t.”
She sighed. “We both know that what happened that night only happened because you were feeling sorry for me.”