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‘More lies, Lucinda?’
‘What else can I do?’ Lucinda asked. ‘I brought some things for her—but she is too ill to want them now. I shall go and fetch the doctor straight away.’
Leaving the cottage, Lucinda walked very fast down the narrow lane that led to the village. The doctor’s house was at the edge of the green. She went up the path and knocked loudly. A smiling apple-cheeked housekeeper answered the door within a few seconds.
‘What is your business, mistress…your Grace?’ The woman looked startled and dipped a hasty curtsy. ‘Forgive me. I did not realise… Please come in, my lady.’
‘Is your master at home?’
‘Yes, my lady.’
‘I would see him at once.’
‘Had you sent for him, he would have attended you, my lady.’
‘No matter, I am here and my business is urgent. Please take me to your master now.’
‘Yes, of course. Please come this way, my lady.’
Lucinda followed, her heart thudding. She must be very careful in her deportment. Concern for the child of a cousin was acceptable, but she must do nothing to make him suspect that she was Angela’s mother and not merely her second cousin.
Lucinda was late returning to Avonlea that afternoon. The doctor had taken his time examining Angela and then questioned her severely about the child’s nutrition. She had explained that her cousin had fallen on hard times and that she had known nothing of their poverty until her cousin became ill and subsequently died.
‘I was called away unexpectedly to her deathbed,’ she lied. ‘I had some trouble in sorting out her affairs after the funeral and in finding a good woman to look after her child, who still cries for her mother.’
As Angela had woken and clung to her, weeping and crying, the doctor had seemed to accept her story. He said that her sickness was merely a tummy upset and suggested that perhaps her diet was too rich.
‘If she has not eaten well for a long time, too much food may have upset her digestion. You should give her plainer fare and introduce meat and puddings slowly.’
‘It may be my fault for giving her sweet biscuits and cakes. I wanted to spoil her,’ Lucinda said. ‘We shall follow your advice, Doctor.’
‘She does have a little chill, which may have made her feverish,’ the doctor said. ‘I shall give you a mixture for her—if you can spare the time to return with me to fetch it?’
‘Yes, of course.’
Lucinda knew that another journey would make her late for her appointment with Mrs Mann, but she had no choice. The look the housekeeper gave her was one of reproach, but she apologised, saying that she had forgot the time.
‘Well, I’m sure your Grace may do as you please. However, the matter of the rooms in the west wing is something that you ought to attend, ma’am. It is more usually for the mistress of the house to make a decision on the servants’ welfare.’
‘Yes, of course. It may seem to you that I have neglected my duties.’
‘It is not for me to tell you what to do, my lady.’
‘No, but perhaps I should have consulted with you on menus and things? I prefer to wait until the duke returns so that I may be certain of his preferences.’
‘Yes, of course, ma’am. Do you know when his Grace intends to return?’
‘In a few days,’ Lucinda said airily. ‘He has business and will be back when he is ready.’
‘Yes, ma’am, as you say.’
‘Very well, please take me to these attic rooms—and anywhere else that concerns you.’
‘His lordship has had much of the house done, my lady, but the attics seem to have escaped his notice.’
‘I dare say he was not aware that the maids are overcrowded in the east wing.’
Lucinda followed the housekeeper up a narrow staircase, which was conveniently hidden behind a door, concealing it from the casual eye. As the west wing was kept for guests they would not notice the door leading to the attics, but it was usual for the servants to come and go by way of a back staircase. It made it easier for them to service the guests’ rooms and reach their own without intruding.
Looking round the various attic rooms, Lucinda saw what Mrs Mann meant about their needing refurbishment. In some places the ceilings had crumbled and it looked as if the plaster might fall, though two of the rooms needed only some decoration.
‘I think it may be necessary to have a repair to the roof here,’ Lucinda said, gazing up at the source of the problem, which was a patch of damp. ‘Clearly that is what caused the leak in three rooms.’
‘The roof was repaired last year,’ Mrs Mann told her. ‘It is just the ceilings—and a coat of whitewash, and then some rugs on the floor.’
‘Yes, I see. Well, I shall speak to my husband when he returns. I am not certain that it is within my power to order repairs of that nature, Mrs Mann. Be patient for a while and I shall see what may be done.’
‘Yes, ma’am. If you are satisfied with things as they are.’
A little sniff accompanied her words. Lucinda knew that the housekeeper was less than satisfied with her response to the problem, but an idea had occurred to her—an idea that was daring and outrageous, but which could make her life much easier.
‘I shall attend to the matter,’ she said. ‘Surely the maids can manage for a little longer?’
‘Yes, ma’am, if they have to—but in the summer these rooms can be very hot, especially if there are too many sharing.’
Lucinda felt a little guilty as she returned to her own room and began to change for the evening. Jane and Andrew Lanchester were coming for dinner that evening and they were bringing some guests, people with whom Lucinda was slightly acquainted, which should make it a pleasant evening for all.
She would visit her daughter again in the morning and see how she was faring, but in the meantime she would consider her plan to bring both Nanny and Angela into the house.
Justin had decided to leave town that afternoon. He would be home sooner than he’d planned, but he had set his business in hand and found himself restless, unable to settle. His anger had cooled somewhat, but the hurt was as sharp as ever. Yet he wanted to see Lucinda, to see her smile and hear her voice. Most of all he wanted to lie with her in the beautiful bedchamber he had lavished so much time and money on in preparation for their wedding.
He frowned as he wondered how best to proceed with repairing the rift between them. While he was eager for their marriage to be a true one, he was uncertain of Lucinda’s feelings. She had consented to be married after some initial reluctance—was her reluctance merely because she’d feared to tell him her secret or might she have another deeper reason for her hesitation? Did she fear her husband’s attentions in the bedroom? She had never shown any reluctance when he kissed her—but there was more than kissing to being a true wife.
Clearly, she had been ready to accept her duties as a wife or she would not have wed him, but Justin did not wish for a complacent wife. He had expected that his bride would be innocent and had planned to be gentle and patient on their wedding night—but the knowledge that she had been raped put a new light on the situation. Much as he desired her, he might have to put his own desires to one side for the time being. He would need to be very gentle with Lucinda if he wanted her to respond. Indeed, he might have to wait some time before he took her to bed.
Before he made love to his wife he must regain her trust. Otherwise, he might destroy her and his hopes of a good marriage.
Having made up his mind to leave for Avonlea that very afternoon, he summoned his valet, intending to ask that his bags be packed in readiness. However, when the man came in answer to the bell he was bearing a letter from Justin’s lawyer. Breaking the seal, he frowned. It was a matter of business that had arisen from his fresh instructions concerning his will and he was requested to attend the lawyer’s office at his earliest convenience, which meant that his departure might have to be delayed by at least one more day.
The delay was annoying, but the business could not wait. Sighing, Justin took up his hat and silver-topped walking stick and left the house. The sooner this business was finished the sooner he could go home to Lucinda.
‘The doctor’s mixture did her the world of good,’ Nanny said when Lucinda visited soon after breakfast the next morning. ‘She had honey and rolls and she’s nearly back to normal. It was just a little chill after all.’
‘Is she still in bed?’
‘I left her sitting with her books, but I heard something just before you came in and she may have decided to get up and play.’
Lucinda went upstairs. Her daughter had dressed herself, her gown only half-buttoned at the back, and her tangled curls evidence that Angela had not considered it necessary to use the brush. When she saw her mother her eyes welled with tears, which spilled over and ran down her cheeks.
‘My poor love, come here to me,’ Lucinda said and sat down on the bed, drawing her on to her lap. She kissed and cuddled her, then buttoned her bodice properly and took up a hairbrush. Angela’s hair soon looked respectable and shone. Lucinda noticed that her arms were much better now and her legs had stopped looking like sticks. She was beginning to recover from years of ill treatment, but of course the mental scars were still there. ‘Shall we go for a little walk in the woods?’
Angela shook her head. ‘Will you read to me from my books?’
‘Yes, if you wish it. Come downstairs and we shall sit in the big chair by the fire and read a story.’
Angela scrambled to her feet, seized the book she wanted and proceeded down the stairs. Lucinda smiled inwardly, because it was clear to her that her daughter was feeling much better.
The next hour or so was very happy for them both, but the tears started once more when Lucinda told her that she must leave. Angela screamed and clung to her. She calmed a little when Nanny pulled her away and told her she must be good, but the sight of her child’s reproachful face pulled at Lucinda’s heartstrings as she left the cottage and began to walk back to the house.
The tears trickled down her cheeks as she thought of her daughter’s distress. In the future she might not always be able to visit her every day and the child would not understand that her mother had another life—a life she could not share with her.
Lucinda was starting to shake with sobs as she saw the fallen tree lying just ahead of her in a small clearing. She sat down, her head bowed as the tears fell thick and fast.
A part of her longed for Justin’s return from town. She wanted desperately to see him, to be a true wife to him with no secrets between them—but she could not give up her beloved child. There was no way out of her predicament. If she confessed to her husband, he would be angry again—and he would force her to give Angela up.
‘Duchess—Lucinda?’
The man’s deep voice startled her. She raised her head, and saw Andrew standing just a few feet from where she sat. Feeling guilty, she rose to her feet and brushed a hand over her face.
‘Lord Lanchester…I did not hear you come.’
‘Are you unwell?’ He moved closer, looking at her with concern. ‘You have been crying. Is there something I may do to help you?’
‘No, it is nothing. Nothing at all,’ Lucinda said and lifted her head proudly. ‘It was a silly tantrum, that is all.’
‘I do not think you are the kind of woman who has tantrums,’ he said and handed her a large white kerchief. ‘You may be pleased to know that he has returned this very morning.’
‘My husband has returned?’ Lucinda’s heart missed a beat. She caught her breath. ‘You have seen him?’
‘I saw him driving his curricle on his way here.’ He hesitated. ‘You are in some trouble, I think. For the moment you may prefer to keep your own counsel—but should you need a friend, I am here.’
The warmth and sincerity in his voice brought a flush to her cheeks. She gave him a small shy smile—the smile that unbeknown to her had won more than one man’s heart.
‘You are very kind, my lord.’
‘Tell me, are you in some difficulty?’
‘If I am in some trouble, I fear there is nothing you can help me with. My problem is one I must solve alone.’
‘There are very few problems that will not be made easier by sharing them,’ he said and smiled. ‘I shall not push my friendship on you, Lucinda—but please know that if you need either my sister or myself we are always there for you.’
‘Thank you. I know you are sincere, sir.’ She raised her head. ‘I must go home. My husband will wonder where I am.’
‘You like to walk, I believe?’
‘Yes, I walk most mornings if it is fine.’
‘I shall not keep you.’
Lucinda watched as he walked away from her, farther into the woods that formed a boundary between the two estates. She had thought of them as being Avonlea property, but in actual fact they were right on the edge of her husband’s estate and it was natural that Lord Lanchester might choose to walk this way home if he had been to the village.
Had he seen her walking here before? Had he perhaps seen her enter the cottage? She was not sure who owned the cottage for she had rented it through an agent. It might even belong to Lord Lanchester.
Supposing Lord Lanchester learned that the woman who had rented the cottage for her nanny and child was the bride of his close friend the Duke of Avonlea?
Would he feel it his duty to tell Justin? A trickle of fear ran down her spine. She did not know what to do. Perhaps it might be best to confess her secret to her husband at once?
Her stomach was fluttering with nerves as she went into the house a short time later. Her dress was crumpled from playing with the child and she’d hoped that she might escape to her room to change before seeing her husband, but even as she started to ascend the stairs, Justin came out into the hall and called to her.
‘Lucinda—will you do me the courtesy of sparing me a few minutes of your time, please?’
‘Yes, of course,’ she said and turned, walking to meet him. ‘I am glad to see you back. I hope you had a good journey?’
‘You do not seem surprised to see me.’
‘I met Lord Lanchester as I was walking in the wood,’ Lucinda said. ‘He mentioned that he had seen you driving your curricle through the village.’
Justin frowned. ‘Mrs Mann told me that you spend most of your day walking. I was not aware that you enjoyed rambling to that extent?’
‘Yes, it is a favourite pastime with me,’ Lucinda said, feeling very conscious of the lies she must tell him. ‘Did your business go well?’
‘I dare say my lawyers will see to it,’ he replied. ‘As you know, I went mainly because I needed a little time to think. I have decided that I shall put the past behind us, Lucinda. There is still some gossip, but I have told people that you were called to a sick relative; though some may still whisper behind your back, I think the gossip and speculation will blow over. The best thing is to give the impression that we are perfectly happy in our marriage. To that end I have decided that I shall give a ball here at Avonlea.’
‘A ball?’ Lucinda’s heart fluttered. ‘Does this mean that you have forgiven me?’
‘It means that I am trying to put the past behind us, Lucinda. For the moment we shall continue as we were. Outwardly, we have the perfect marriage. As yet I do not believe I wish for more. We shall get to know each other again and perhaps come to an understanding. What happened is in part my fault. I rushed you into marriage. We must get to know one another before we can be man and wife in all senses of the word.’
Lucinda’s hopes had soared when he spoke of a ball, but now she felt a coldness form about her heart. He looked so grave and she missed the gentle smiles that had made her knees go weak when he had courted her. He did not seem much like the charming man who had spoiled and flirted with her. It was that man she adored and longed for.
When she’d been considering her answer, Lucinda had wondered if she could bear any man to touch her after what had happened that fatal night. However, Justin’s gentleness and the tenderness of his kiss had made her feel such sweet longings she had felt she could overcome her bad memories and accept Justin’s loving.
‘Then I shall do my best to be the wife you want, Avonlea,’ she said and raised her head proudly. ‘I shall give Mrs Mann instructions to prepare for guests. How many do you wish to invite?’
‘I think we must invite everyone who attended our wedding. It is only fair to give them the reception they were cheated of then—do you not think so?’
‘Yes, perhaps.’
Lucinda held back the emotion that was building inside her. She still had the guest list she had used for their wedding. Most of those invited were Avonlea’s friends, some of whom she’d never met. It would be embarrassing to face them all at such a glittering occasion, but it must be done. She owed her husband this and more besides.
If he had taken her into his arms and kissed her, she could have borne it all so much easier. Indeed, she might have shed tears and confessed her secret had he been the gentle considerate man she’d fallen in love with, but he was a stranger, a man she did not recognise.
‘I shall do whatever you wish, Avonlea.’
‘I’m glad to hear that, Lucinda. Now, please go and change your gown. You look like a hoyden. Remember that you are a duchess now and try to behave in an appropriate manner.’
How his words stung her! Was he being deliberately cruel or did he not understand that she would have found it difficult enough to carry off her new social standing even if he had been loving and kind? As it was she felt alone and isolated.
Escaping to her rooms, she shut the door and stood with her back against it, fighting the tears. The burden of her secret was hard enough to bear, but Avonlea’s remote manner made it so much worse.
She brushed the tears from her eyes, refusing to break down as she had in the woods earlier. Her hus band had told her to behave like a duchess and she would find the strength to do it somehow.
Justin looked at his reflection in the dressing mirror and swore. He was such a fool. Why must he be angry again? Why could he not have given Lucinda the gift he’d purchased for her, kissed her and told her he cared deeply for her—that he wanted to make her happy? It was what he’d planned, but the sight of her with her hair tussled and her gown creased had alerted his suspicions. She looked as if she might just have come from the arms of a lover.
Her mention of Lord Lanchester had made him so angry—and jealous. Jealousy was an ugly emotion and one he did not like in himself. He had not realised that he could experience the emotion so sharply and his reaction to it was primeval and savage, not at all the behaviour of the gentleman he prided himself on being.
A gentleman was reasonable at all times, courteous to those around him and most of all, honourable. It was not honourable to feel as if he would like to murder his best friend.
Shaking his head, he felt his mouth curve in a wry smile. He must learn to curb his temper or he might not be answerable for his actions.
Chapter Four
‘That is a pretty gown, Lucinda. It becomes you very well.’
‘Thank you, Avonlea.’ Lucinda inclined her head but did not smile. For the past two days they had managed to behave with civility towards one another. Her husband paid her compliments and appeared satisfied with the arrangements she was making for the ball, but he was still distant, a little cool in his manner, though at times she saw an expression in his eyes that puzzled her. ‘Do you have plans for this morning?’
‘I was thinking of riding into Thaxted to visit someone. Did you wish for the carriage? If you are going visiting, I could accompany you tomorrow.’
‘I know very few of your friends,’ Lucinda said. ‘I have not felt able to visit, though I believe one or two of your neighbours have called. I was unfortunately out at
the time—but perhaps tomorrow we could go visiting together?’
‘Yes, we shall do so. I was unaware that you had not troubled to make yourself at home to our friends.’
‘It…was remiss of me. I must settle on a day when I am always here,’ Lucinda replied, refusing to meet his eyes. ‘I have visited Jane Lanchester and she has been here on three occasions.’
‘That is all very well, but you must be aware of your position, Lucinda. As my duchess you are expected to keep a certain standard. You should be at home on at least one day a week and visit friends on another—and you must concern yourself with what is going on in the district. We hold various functions for the villagers during the year and my mother enjoyed opening the church fête. I believe the vicar used to call once a month to tell her what was needed for the poor of the locality.’
‘Forgive me. I did not know what was expected. You did not mention my duties, Avonlea.’
He looked at her for a moment in silence, then his expression softened. ‘No, I have not discussed these things as I ought and that was remiss of me. I have neglected my duty towards you, Lucinda. I beg your pardon. My visit this morning has been arranged for a while, but tomorrow I shall take you visiting—and this evening we shall discuss some of the things that are expected from the duchess. I shall give you my mother’s diaries. They will help you, I dare say.’
‘Yes, thank you,’ Lucinda replied. ‘I shall not keep you, Avonlea. I have things to do.’
He was standing very close to her, his eyes curiously intent as he looked down at her. His hand reached out and he touched her cheek, stroking his fingers down to her mouth, smoothing his thumb over the softness of her bottom lip. She trembled inwardly, thinking he might kiss her and wanting it, longing for the smile that would tell her the man she loved was back, but it did not happen.
‘You are very beautiful, Lucinda.’
‘Thank you. I’m sorry if I’ve disappointed you, Justin.’
‘Nonsense. I am at fault. I am thoughtless and too demanding. There is plenty of time for you to learn your duties.’
He nodded to her and strode away. As soon as she was certain he had left, Lucinda ran upstairs and fetched her cloak. She had not been able to visit her daughter since her husband’s return. Angela would be upset and she must make the most of what time she had.
It was mid-afternoon when Lucinda left the cottage and began to walk home as fast as she could. Her daughter had wept when she saw her, clinging to her all day. Leaving her was very hard and Lucinda had delayed until the last moment, knowing that she would not have time to visit the next day.
‘Stay with me,’ Angela begged her. ‘Do not leave me, Mama. I promise to be good if you take me with you.’
‘I cannot take you yet,’ Lucinda said and kissed her, putting her into her nurse’s arms. ‘Be a good girl and I shall come as often as I can.’
‘Angela is always good,’ Nanny said. ‘She is learning her numbers and her letters—and to speak as she ought. She will do well enough when you have gone, Lucinda.’
Lucinda knew that her friend spoke wisely. Children always clung to their mothers. Had she been able to have her at Avonlea she could not have spent more than an hour or so with her each day, for she had many duties. The child must learn to be a young lady and with that came discipline. It was because she had to leave her in the cottage that she felt so guilty, she supposed, but there was nothing more she could do for the moment. She was finding it hard enough to do all the things that Justin seemed to expect of her.
Justin ought to have known when he asked her to marry him that she would not be accustomed to so many servants or the way things should be run in such a large house. If he wanted her to behave as his mother had, he should have married someone who had been taught these things—or at least shown her what to do and given her time to learn.