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“There is nothing crazy about wanting a child,” she protested. Letter to Reader Title Page Acknowledgments About the Author Letter to Reader Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Copyright
“There is nothing crazy about wanting a child,” she protested.
“Why shouldn’t I want to have a baby on my own?”
“Because you have no possible conception of what it will be like raising one by yourself,” Jacob replied. “And I should know,” he practically whispered.
“I know that you love Cody and want the best of everything for him. Can’t you understand that I want to feel those same feelings? That I want to have someone of my own to love?”
Her voice died away in the stillness as Sasha realized exactly what she had said. She’d admitted that she was lonely and alone in a world where love was the magic password to happiness. And she had admitted it to a single man who had told her many times that he had no desire for a wife.
Please, please don’t let Jacob know that I’d give anything to have Cody for a son...and him for a husband.
Dear Reader,
Unforgettable Bride, by bestselling author Annette Broadrick, is May’s VIRGIN BRIDES selection, and the much-requested spin-off to her DAUGHTERS OF TEXAS series. Rough, gruff rodeo star Bobby Metcalf agreed to a quickie marriage—sans honeymoon!—with virginal Casey Carmichael. But four years later, he’s still a married man—one intent on being a husband to Casey in every sense....
Fabulous author Arlene James offers the month’s FABULOUS FATHERS title, Falling for a Father of Four. Orren Ellis was a single dad to a brood of four, so hiring sweet Mattie Kincaid seemed the perfect solution. Until he found himself falling for this woman he could never have.... Stella Bagwell introduces the next generation of her bestselling TWINS ON THE DOORSTEP series. In The Rancher’s Blessed Event, an ornery bronc rider must open his heart both to the woman who’d betrayed him...and her child yet to be born.
Who can resist a sexy, stubborn cowboy—particularly when he’s your husband? Well, Taylor Cassidy tries in Anne Ha’s Long, Tall Temporary Husband But will she succeed? And Sharon De Vita’s irresistible trio, LULLABIES AND LOVE, continues with Baby with a Badge, where a bachelor cop finds a baby in his patrol car...and himself in desperate need of a woman’s touch! Finally, new author C.J. Hill makes her commanding debut with a title that sums it up best:
Baby Dreams and Wedding Schemes.
Romance has everything you need from new beginnings to tried-and-true favorites. Enjoy each and every novel this month, and every month!
Warm Regards!
Joan Marlow Golan
Senior Editor, Silhouette Romance
Please address questions and book requests to:
Silhouette Reader Service
U.S.: 3010 Walden Ave., P.O. Box 1325, Buffalo, NY 14269
Canadian: P.O. Box 609, Fort Erie, Ont. L2A 5X3
www.millsandboon.co.uk
My deepest thanks to three Fairy Godpeople:
Melissa Jeglinski: For a golden opportunity.
My sister Judy: The original Bednobs and Broomsticks.
Barry: For repeating three little words whenever
I needed them: “So, do it.”
I did!
C.J. HILL,
who also writes as Lois Richer for Steeple Hill’s Love Inspired line, was born and raised in a small town in western Canada and could hardly wait to get out in the big, wide world. Once there, she earned her bachelor’s degree, started a career and searched high and low to find fame and fortune. Eventually she returned “home.” It’s that same small town where she met her husband and today raises her two sons. The wonderful sense of community and closeness found in rural areas is what she loves to explore in her stories.
Her family has come to understand that books, the computer and Mom are invisibly linked. C.J. admits that her ideas often overtake her time and shelf space. And so, when all else fails, the family dog takes her for a walk in the woods, where they discuss her next project. They’d both be pleased to hear from you at: Box 639, Nipawin, Saskatchewan, Canada S0E lE0
Dear Reader,
Welcome to my very first book for Silhouette Romance. I’m thrilled to be part of this wonderful tradition of love stories that tug at the heart and remind us all of the most important things in life. If you’re like me, you enjoy reading novels that take you away from your daily problems and plunge you into the wonders of that “special” love. When you’re there, anything can happen, and frequently does! And that’s why I wrote Baby Dreams and Wedding Schemes. I hope you enjoy this book and that you find a refreshing new way to look at your own life.
May your days be filled with joy and much love.
P.S. I’d love to have you check out my titles in the new Love Inspired line, too. Look for the FAITH, HOPE AND CHARITY series in a bookstore near you.
Chapter One
“You lied!”
“That squeaky little voice could penetrate steel,” Sasha Lambert muttered, gritting her teeth and trying to remain calm.
Warning—this is what cute, darling little babies grow into. Rethink your plan! There it was again; that ridiculously mocking voice inside her head issuing its gloomy admonition.
I am just as capable as the next woman when it comes to children. I merely need to apply the fine art of reason to this situation, she told herself.
“Look, little boy,” she coaxed quietly. “I can’t have a funeral for Henry in my store! I don’t do funerals.”
He stared up at her, his eyes wide and accusatory. One short, stubby finger pointed to the sign in her window. “My dad tol’ me that sign says you can do anything here.”
Sasha sighed once in resignation, the second time in capitulation as she spotted one fat tear suspended on the end of his incredibly long lashes. “Actually it says we cater to all occasions. But it’s wrong. Sorry. No funeral. No way.”
She hadn’t meant to say it quite so loudly, but the words rang through Bednobs and Broomsticks like a cowbell on the open prairie. The customers quietly browsing her craft store opened their eyes wide to frown at the tall, slim woman positioned near the half-finished train display in the main aisle.
Sasha ignored them all, examining the preschooler from her impressive height. He refused to budge. Instead he stood watching her, his big brown eyes now welling with tears.
“But we hafta,” he wailed as one glistening droplet finally plopped down onto the copper freckles covering his chubby cheeks. “My dad’s gonna kill me when he finds out and then I’ll get grounded. I just gotta have Henry’s funeral first.”
She tried to ignore the sympathy pangs that were mounting inside her mushy heart. The frosty looks of condemnation her customers were casting her way didn’t help stifle the gnawing sense of censure that yawned inside. Nor the pangs of regret. Her eyes fell on the bit of paper she had taped to the counter.
“Word for the day. Compunction: anxiety arising from guilt.” Stupid word! Who needed extra guilt?
Some mother you’ll make, her subconscious chided. No empathy. She frowned, glaring maliciously at the cash register. She was as empathetic as the next woman and she fully intended to be the best mother since sliced bread. So there!
Sasha tossed her shining head back and considered her folly in moving to Allen’s Springs, Montana. Was it her fault poor old Henry had died right here in the middle of the store? she demanded of herself.
“I’m sure your father will understand when you explain it all to him.” There, her voice was kind but firm.
“Nah, he won’t.” The face drooped with misery. “He never does. He’s gonna be really mad. I just know it.”
Sasha closed her eyes in defeat as the tentacles of his mournful distress squeezed tightly around her heartstrings. With difficulty, she repressed the urge to push back the tumble of brown curls from his brow.
Softie. Don’t get involved. Not today. You’ve got that appointment to prepare for. If you’re lucky, you’ll soon have your own kids to worry about.
“Well,” she said in capitulation, knowing darn well she never took her own advice, “perhaps if I spoke to your father.” She glanced around the empty store and made a face. “I don’t think anyone else is coming in today anyway. That announcement of mine pretty well cleared everyone out.” She smiled grimly.
At least he had the grace to look downcast at her loss of business. Sasha handed him a tissue.
“Here. Blow.” Her tone was filled with resignation. “What’s your father’s name?”
“No! You can’t!” The boy’s voice trembled with fear. “I—I’ll tell him myself.” He was backing down the aisle toward the door now, one knobby knee showing through the wide tear in his black pants.
Sasha was amazed. What kind of an ogre was the child’s father, for heaven’s sake, to engender such fear in the boy? And where was he when his son needed him? This was the fifth time in as many days that she’d had the child as an afternoon visitor. Alone.
She darted past him and whipped the door closed, sending the chimes tinkling throughout the empty aisles. That was one advantage of having very long legs. She could outrun almost everyone. Of course, at five feet eleven and seven-eighths inches she also towered above every other living soul.
“I think you and I had better have a talk,” Sasha told him firmly as she closed her hand around one thin shoulder. “Come on. I made cookies yesterday.” He looked doubtful. “Triple chocolate chip with nuts.”
That seemed to decide the issue. He trailed along behind her, his black leather shoes clicking against the worn oak planks of the floor.
Black leather shoes?
Sasha took a second look at the child and grimaced. Most of the kids in Allen’s Springs wore jeans and a T-shirt with sneakers. This child was distinctly out of place in his white shirt, dress pants and leather shoes; the very same items he’d worn each time he’d visited her.
“What’s your name?” Sasha asked softly, leading him through the connecting door to her small living quarters at the rear. Somehow they had never gotten ’round to introductions.
“Cody,” he told her, gazing around with interest. “Is this where you live? I like it.”
His chubby fingers twiddled with the stuffed parrot that hung behind her sofa. “Trains,” he crowed, his eyes sparkling as he moved toward the display in the center of her living room.
Sasha watched as he lovingly gazed at the miniature machines, reached out a tentative hand and then dropped it back by his side. His eyes were huge, round saucers as he studied the red locomotives sitting silent on the tracks she had tacked to a board late last night.
“Four,” he half whispered to himself, nodding. “Here’s the engine and the c’boose. This one is for carrying stuff.”
Sasha pondered his rapt expression as she lifted the jug of milk from the refrigerator and poured a glass for herself and one for the child. Cody seemed mesmerized by her newest project. Good. The boy’s interest boded well for her expansion plans.
Sasha grinned as she removed several of the biggest cookies from the nutcracker cookie jar on her counter and arranged them on a tray. As the eldest of six children, if there was one thing she had experience in, it was kids and what they liked. Sasha grimaced. She should know; she’d played both mother and father in her own family for years.
The fact that this child was a little different from any of the children she’d baby-sat through high school and college just meant she needed a break from work. To get back her perspective! she told herself.
“Let’s have our snack in the backyard,” she told him, pushing the screen door open with one hip as she carried out the tray. “Then we’ll talk about Henry.”
At the mention of that name, Cody’s round face fell and he followed her out the door onto a tiny patch of lawn. “Henry’s gone,” he muttered disconsolately. “I didn’t mean to hurt him. I just wanted to take him for a walk.”
Sasha’s motherly heart ached at the sadness in his tone. Poor little waif.
“I was ever so careful to lift him gently.”
“Well, it was a nice idea, Cody, but I don’t think goldfish go for walks. They like their bowls.”
He shook his head sadly. “Doesn’t matter,” he whispered. “Everything dies.” It was a solemn denunciation of his whole five-year-old world.
Sasha ruffled his hair gently, enjoying the feel of those silky strands against her palms.
“Who else died?” she asked, waiting for him to look at her.
He didn’t. Instead one grubby fist dashed away the tears before he picked up one of her cookies and started chewing. His voice was quiet when he spoke. “Rocket.”
“Who’s Rocket?”
“My dog, o’ course.” Cody peered up at her then, as if to assess her mental age. “He got hit by a car when I letted him out of the gate.” He sniffed sadly. “An’ George and Gertrude.”
Sasha frowned. His grandparents?
“How did they die?” she asked softly.
“Ate too much.” He picked up a second cookie while his other hand grasped the glass.
Sasha was mystified. “Ate too much?” She tried to play along. Maybe this having kids thing was harder than she thought. “But that wasn’t your fault. People feed themselves. Except for babies, of course. No one could blame you, Cody.”
He shook his head doubtfully. “I feeded them too much birdseed.” His mouth was stuffed full of cookie and Sasha wasn’t sure she heard him correctly.
“Birdseed?”
He nodded. “Uh-huh. And I didn’t keep their cage clean ’nuf, neither.” Sadly, he scuffed his toe on the grass. “Dad said you can’t be pushing stuff at canaries all the time. They like to be left alone. Gertrude stopped singing one day and then she got dead.”
A smile twitched at the corners of her mouth as Sasha realized her error.
“And is that all?” she asked, unable to resist brushing her hand over his darkly shining head once more.
“Nope.” He slurped down the rest of the milk and then leaned over to pick a dandelion.
“Who else?”
His brown eyes peered up into hers. “Shelley—that was my turtle. And Rolly.”
“Who’s Rolly?” She was almost afraid to hear the answer.
“Gerbil,” he told her succinctly. “Got out of the cage and Dad stepped on him. Axidennnally, o’ course.”
“Oh, of course.” Sasha smiled, watching the round face with a pang. He looked so forlorn as he recounted the death of all his little pets.
“Henry was ’sposed to be my last chance. Now he’s dead, too. Just like my mom.”
It came out of left field, knocking her back in her chair.
“Your mom,” she half whispered, shocked by his bald statement. “What happened to your mom?”
He sniffed loudly. “She got dead, too.” He bent his head, shifting away from her probing glance.
“Was she sick?” Sasha hated asking the questions but for some reason she just had to know how this little scrap of a child came to be without a mother.
“Uh-uh. Least, I don’t think so. She got dead from a guy.”
“Oh, Cody.” Her soft heart melted then and she cuddled the wiggling little sweat-scented body close to her abundant chest. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. A mommy’s an awful thing for a boy to lose.” -
He hugged her back tightly, sniffing at the threatening deluge of tears. When at last he pushed away, Sasha let him go with an empty ache in her heart and her arms.
“It’s okay,” he mumbled. “‘Sides, she’s in heaven now.” He cocked his head to one side. “Do you know, ’bout heaven?” he demanded, wiping one sleeve across his nose as he frowned up at her.
Sasha smiled. “Yes, I do. And I think your mom is very happy there.”
His big eyes studied her speculatively for a moment. “I guess.”
“But it still hurts, doesn’t it?” she guessed.
“Yeah.” He nodded glumly. “My mom used to laugh all the time. We had fun and we had lots of good times together. She always had surprises for me. Now we never have them. My dad doesn’t talk about her no more.”
“Why, Cody?” It was an invasion of privacy and under any other circumstances Sasha wouldn’t have probed, but there was something about Cody and his sad little face that tugged at her heartstrings, begged her to listen to his childish explanation.
“’Cause it’s my fault that she died and he don’t want people to blame me, I guess.”
“Oh, sweetheart, no. It isn’t your fault at all. It couldn’t be.” Sasha couldn’t bear to hear it. She gazed into those trusting brown eyes and the familiar ache for a child of her own welled once more.
Stop it, she ordered her brain. Think about this child for now.
He was watching her, waiting.
“Sometimes God just wants people to go and live with him, honey, and there’s nothing we did or can do that will stop that.” Sasha had no idea where the words came from but she was thankful Cody seemed to accept them.
His forehead wrinkled in a frown as he considered what she said, as if checking her sincerity. “Are you sure?”
“Absolutely, positively, unfailingly, irrevocably, indubitably sure, Cody.”
“I dunno what all that stuff means,” he mumbled, his face tipped up so that she could see the light that gleamed in his eyes. “But if you’re sure that I didn’t do nuthin’ bad, I guess that’s okay.”
With lightning swift change he shifted the conversation mode. “Can I play with those trains?” His head jerked toward the doorway. “I never had no trains to play with before.”
Sasha smiled. She was a fool. With his track record in pet care, she shouldn’t let him anywhere near the display. Let alone touch it. Nevertheless, she heard herself agree.
“Yes, you can play with them if you treat them very carefully. They’re my special trains and they don’t like it if you’re rough with them. Okay?”
His eyes were as big as saucers at the prospect of handling the models. He nodded his agreement as she led him back inside. Together they maneuvered the huge board outside onto the lush green lawn. Sasha ran an extension cord and tested the entire mechanism.
When his plump little fingers closed around a fire-red engine, she posed one last question. “What’s your dad’s name, Cody? I need to call him and tell him you’re here.”
His big clear eyes stared at her for one long moment, assessing her. Then he shrugged. “His name is Jacob Windsor,” he told her proudly. The child’s brow furrowed. “He don’t like people buggin’ him when he’s workin’ though.”
Sasha held her tongue with difficulty. Of all the insensitive brutes! “Well, I have to tell him where you are, Cody,” she said with some asperity. “He could be worried.”
Doubtful, her mind chided spitefully.
Cody watched her for a moment and then recited his father’s phone number with a happy grin. Pleased with his good memory, he turned back to his perusal of her trains.
Sasha squared her shoulders. Jacob Windsor had to be a cold, insensitive man. He sure didn’t deserve to have a wonderful son like Cody. How else did one explain a father who would leave a child so floundering, so unsure of his place in the world? This boy needed love and support, not guilt about his mother’s death, regardless of what had happened.
She poured herself another glass of milk and considered the situation at hand. It was up to her to rectify the matter, Sasha decided. If the man was so anesthetized to his son’s doubts and questions, it was her duty to set Mr. Jacob Windsor straight. The man needed to know his son was in pain and help him alleviate it.
She wasn’t surprised when the knock came at the side door fifteen minutes later. A stiff and formal telephone voice had curtly informed her that the Reverend Jacob Windsor would be over immediately to collect Cordell.
But when she opened the door, Sasha lost all ability to converse as she gazed at the very tall, very handsome man who stood waiting.
He’s taller than you. Her eyes relayed this unheard-of information with lightning speed to her foggy brain as Sasha tried to ignore the pulse of awareness thudding through her body.
“I believe my son is here,” he said quietly, his voice a low, husky rumble.
“Oh. Uh, yes. Yes, he is. Outside playing.” She nodded, holding the door wider.
Get a grip, she ordered her mushy brain. Think of the boy.
“I, um, I wanted to talk to you first, though. I’m Sasha Lambert.” She thrust her hand out toward him and was surprised to feel the strength in his lean grip.
He was tall, six three or four at least. And gaunt That was the only way to describe the jutting bones that carved the aristocratic planes of his rugged face. His jet-black hair flowed away from his forehead with just a tinge of silver visible on the sides. Solemn and sad, gray eyes met hers, cloudy with his own thoughts.
“Jacob Windsor. I’m the new minister at First Avenue.”
She digested the news with a nod, motioning to the nearest kitchen chair. Stern and sober; the name suited him and his profession.
“I assume that is your craft store in front,” he murmured. “I hope Cody didn’t break something.” His voice had the wistful tone of a man who knew the truth and wished he didn’t.
Sasha glanced down the long, lean length of him, taking note of the old-fashioned trousers and shirt he wore and the shabby jacket with elbow patches. Even so, the man was a hunk.
“I’ve just made coffee,” she offered, forcing herself to smile, hoping to counteract the lack of air in her lungs. “Would you like some?”
“Please don’t bother on my account. I’ll just take Cody home and leave you in peace.”
He turned toward the back door abruptly, causing Sasha to jump in where angels wouldn’t have.
“No, please.” She grasped his sleeve in her fingers, tugging him away from the screen and Cody’s whirring sounds as he ran the engine around the track. “I really do want to talk to you and it would be easier over a cup of coffee, don’t you think?”
Those silver gray eyes stared intently at her hand and Sasha pulled it away immediately, as if burned. Jacob Windsor resumed his seat slowly, studying her through narrowed eyes.
“What, exactly, is this about?” he asked, a thread of iron evident in the low rumbling timbre of his voice.
Sasha took another breath and charged in.
“Cody,” she told him clearly, setting a steaming mug of coffee and a huge slice of fresh apple pie in front of him. “I want to talk to you about your son.”
One black eyebrow lifted as he contemplated the pie and the steaming coffee, but he said not a word. Instead, he picked up a fork and cut off a piece, placing it between his lips like a connoisseur of baking.
“This is delicious,” he murmured. “But you don’t have to feed me. Widowers get used to fending for themselves.” His cool gaze studied her. “That is what this is about, isn’t it, Miss Lambert?”
There was something in his tone that rasped across her nerves. Some hidden meaning behind those innocent words that was meant to stop her from further questions.
Sasha watched the craggy lines of his face harden into a rigid mask.
“You want to help me out by being a mother to my poor, orphaned son.” His smile was not friendly. “You want to share some of the load that single parenthood presents. You want to relieve Cody of a father who has abnegated his responsibilities whe—”