A Father's Pledge

Her mother used to tell her that she was selfish and irresponsible, and sometimes, deep down, Kat couldn’t help wondering if it was true. The familiar guilt gnawed at her gut. What if Luke was right? What if she had been too lax with Ben? Perhaps she should have been watching over the children more stringently...and perhaps she should have watched over her mother better. The thought made her feel fifteen again, and she shuddered.

The voices inside her head that had shouted at her then, blaming her for her mother’s death, were now mostly just a whisper in her memory, except when the dreams came to haunt her as they had last night.

Those voices had been stilled by the soothing song of the sea on that awful day as she’d waited down on the shore for someone to answer her emergency call. Her quickly fading footprints in the sand had made her feel invisible, bringing comfort. But she hadn’t truly been invisible because the paramedics had soon found her, speaking in quietly caring, low, soothing tones that held a hushed urgency. How long have you been your mother’s carer? Do you have any other relatives? Where does your father live?

She’d screamed at them to shut up, her hands clamped tight across her ears. They’d shared concerned glances, raised their eyebrows and whispered behind their hands. She’d been totally ignorant about the world, totally ignorant about death and totally unaware that her mother had been suffering from depression for over five years—since her father left.

Today, the bay was sparkling and serene, so beautiful that it took Kat’s breath away. She’d been afraid of the sea for a while after her mother died, for it was so closely linked with the day she’d found her body...and yet, deep down, she’d yearned for it, too.

It had taken five years for her to finally pluck up the courage to visit the coast again, believing that just being back in its awe-inspiring company would rekindle all her heartache, guilt and anger. She couldn’t have been more wrong. As soon as she’d gazed across the sweep of the bay to where the sea and sky became one, and breathed in those familiar scents, with the buffeting wind in her face and droplets of water on her skin, she’d known that the sea was still her friend, wild and beautiful and sometimes dangerous, but always dependable. And then she’d known that she should never have been afraid of going back to the coast, for her mother’s illness had had nothing to do with this place at all.

Jenny Brown’s Bay shimmered ahead of her now, serene and tranquil for once; it felt all-forgiving.

“I’m sorry, Mum,” she cried out into the gentle breeze, raising her hands to the sky. “I let you down when you needed me, but I will make up for it, you’ll see.”

Trying to put the past behind her, Kat carried on walking. The memories clung and it occurred to her that perhaps she should be thanking her mother, for Kat’s childhood experiences had led her to become what she was today, someone who could, hopefully, make a difference in the lives of children who needed support and guidance.

She took a deep breath and studied the flow of the rippling tide. Its changeless rhythm intrigued her, for although the ocean could often be terrifying in its ferocity, it was also consistent. No matter what was going on in people’s lives, the tide continued rushing up to the shore and flooding back out right on time; the sun still shone, the rain still fell and all the creatures in the world went about their daily lives following nature’s call without question.

That was what she loved about nature and animals: durability. Which was what had made her decide to develop her specialized therapy. Children who had no stability in their lives gained strength and confidence from their seaside sessions. She’d seen it time and time again, and Kat firmly believed that nature could teach most people a thing or two, if they only took note. Pity Luke Travis didn’t spend more time taking note of what her courses were about, she thought, instead of being so negative and critical.

It was late afternoon before Kat arrived back at Flight. The big, stone-built house must have once been some wealthy person’s country residence. As she approached, it stood tall and square against the brightness of the sky, its windows sparkling in the sunshine. It was a beautiful house, a wonderful place for the children here to call home. For many of them, Flight was the only true home they’d ever known. It was well run, too, with a great team. Tim Ellison, the principal, had a cottage on the grounds, while Mike Thomas, head of children’s care, lived on-site with his wife, Gwen, who worked alongside him.

Most of the other carers, therapists, teachers and cleaners lived locally, including the general manager, Wayne White. Luke was Wayne’s assistant and he lived on-site, as did Kat, though she was on the lookout for a place of her own.

Kat deeply respected Mike and Gwen, particularly since they often spent time with the children in the main house. She liked the way they went above and beyond their job descriptions, helping make Flight feel like a real family home. The layout also helped with that, featuring single and double bedrooms for the kids and a large, comfortable communal living room, two smaller sitting rooms, a dining room with one huge table and a massive kitchen, where anyone could eat or snack or just sit near the stove. Alice, who came in daily to organize the cooking, was usually to be found there, along with one or two of the other kitchen staff.

Kat and Luke had small apartments in a new annex at the rear of the house, but as they both had private doors into the garden, their paths rarely seemed to cross. Apart from a brief, cordial conversation when she’d first arrived at Flight, Kat hadn’t had much to do with him. A brief nod as they passed in the hallway or the odd polite comment was about the only interaction they had had...until Ben arrived. Ever since, Luke seemed to have taken it upon himself to interfere with everything she did.

Kat had been working at Flight for just over a week when Mike had called her to his office to tell her that a new pupil, Ben Jackson, was arriving that afternoon and would be assigned to her for counseling. As usual, Kat had wanted to know as much about the boy’s background as possible and she’d spent time before he arrived looking through his notes and questioning Mike. Ben’s grandparents were his guardians, but his grandmother, Mollie Jackson, had been struggling to care for him properly after his grandfather had fallen ill. Ben had become cheeky and disobedient, as well as regularly skipping school or refusing to go at all. The elderly lady had been at her wit’s end, so when Ben’s social workers had suggested sending him to a special school, she’d agreed. She’d selected Flight because that was where Ben’s father worked. The father he had hardly ever seen.

Mike had emphasized the importance of treating Ben like any other child at Flight. The plan was for him to get to know his father gradually without making a big deal of the relationship. They didn’t want the other kids to sense favoritism or feel excluded, but preventing Ben from getting to know his dad could be detrimental to him as well.

When she’d found out that Ben’s father was Luke Travis, Kat was surprised, to say the least. Luke was thirtyish and single, as far as she could make out. Not even the staff, who had known him since he first came to Flight as a general office lackey, had a clue that he had a son. Apparently, he’d never mentioned the boy to anyone in the years he’d spent working up to assistant manager.

Kat’s first meeting with Ben had been unproductive; he had refused point-blank to answer any of her questions and he exuded anger, an anger that she knew hid loneliness and fear. One thing was for sure: Ben Jackson was one very mixed-up little boy, and the more she could find out about his background, the easier it would be to try to help him.

She’d even tried to talk to Luke, shortly after Ben arrived, but it had been like talking to a brick wall. Luke didn’t seem to know anything about his son and he’d flatly refused to discuss how they’d become estranged. Perhaps now, though, after yesterday’s fiasco, she should approach him again. If she asked for Luke’s help, maybe it would break the ice a bit. What Ben needed right now was calmness and stability, and his father arguing with his counselor was definitely not the way forward.

Kat tapped on Luke’s apartment door, trying to appear professional and in control even though her heart was fluttering in her chest. It swung wide open at once.

“Oh, it’s you,” he said drily.

“Look,” she began, pulling back her shoulders and lifting her chin, “I’m really sorry about yesterday, and I wondered if perhaps we could have a chat...about Ben. You know, so we can get on the same page about what’s best for him.”

Luke towered over her, a deep frown etched across his forehead. “No offense,” he said, “but I’m not sure I want us to be on the same page where Ben’s concerned. It’s your job as his counselor to find out why he’s been behaving as he does. I’m his father and I don’t have to answer to you.”

“Well, no...obviously, I understand that.” Kat squirmed. “I just thought that if we had a proper chat about Ben’s background and his relationship with you up until now, it might help me understand his situation a bit better.”

“We don’t have a relationship,” Luke retorted. “That’s the whole problem. And we are unlikely to ever have one if you don’t stop putting him in crazy situations that encourage him to get into trouble.”

Kat tried to keep her cool, but heat flooded her face. “He was not in a ‘crazy’ situation yesterday—he just took advantage of me being distracted to have some fun. I’ll be the first to admit that I should have kept a closer eye on him and maybe reined him in earlier, but he was never in any danger, and the situation was not crazy. In fact, his behavior was typical of many young boys. Or perhaps you’ve forgotten what that’s like. In my experience, when children behave badly, it’s for a reason. Usually it’s a cry for help...or a way to channel their anger at the world. Children need stability and love in their lives if they’re ever to get back on track.”

“So now you’re telling me that I don’t love my own son?”

“No, of course not!” Kat felt as if she was going around in circles. “I just want to understand him better, and I thought you might be able to help with that.”

“Look...” Luke gave a slight shake of his head as if summing her up as stupid and exasperating. “I agree that Ben needs stability, and he has that here. The other thing he needs, though, is discipline—ground rules he has to learn to follow. I don’t believe your airy-fairy method of counseling is giving him that. Yesterday proved it. It seems to me that all you’re doing is letting the kids run wild.”

“Well, it seems to me that you and I will have to differ on that,” Kat said, holding her head high. “Oh, and by the way, I do happen to be the only one of us who is qualified to decide what a child needs.”

“You don’t need qualifications to bring up kids, just common sense.”

“And exactly what part has your ‘common sense’ played in your son’s life up until now?”

Luke paled, and Kat wished she could take back what she’d said. He glared at her then turned on his heel and slammed the door in her face.

Regretting her decision to talk to him, Kat walked slowly through the large gardens, needing time to calm down and think things through. As she reached the cliff top where the beautiful old house was perched, she stopped for a while to look out across the wide vista of the bay, breathing in the crisp, clear air before heading toward the front door of the school, feeling much calmer and more in control of her emotions.

As she stepped into the spacious hallway, she smelled the comforting aroma of roast beef and the fragrant lilies that stood on a side table beneath the window. She hesitated, listening to the sound of children’s laughter floating through from the kitchen. Despite the troubles that most of the children here had faced in their lives, Flight was in many ways a happy house, and she was very grateful to be a part of it. She just hoped Luke Travis would allow her to help his son thrive here.

Kat still had to talk to Mike, so she headed toward his study to see if he was still there. As she approached the half-open door, she could hear him speaking to someone. Could it be Luke, fueled by the confrontation they’d just had? She paused in the hallway, feeling guilty for listening in on a private conversation but unable to resist. If it was Luke, she needed to hear what he was saying about her.

“I think you just need to give her a bit more time,” Mike said. “She does have a lot of experience, and I’m sure that she knows what she’s doing. I’ll have a word with her, if you like.”

Kat didn’t wait to hear the other person’s response. It was obviously Luke complaining about her. She knew where she stood with him now and she definitely didn’t want eavesdropping added to her list of misdemeanors. When she met Gwen at the end of the hallway, her heartbeat increased tenfold; two minutes sooner and she’d have been caught red-handed.

“Hi,” Kat said in what she hoped was a bright, calm tone. “If you’re looking for Mike, I think he’s in the study. I heard his voice as I walked past.”

“Thanks,” Gwen responded with a puzzled frown. “Is everything okay? You look a bit flustered.”

“Yes...” Kat took a deep breath. “Of course, everything’s fine.”

“And your sea and nature sessions are going well?”

“Really well. I’m looking forward to expanding to animal therapy.”

“Good luck with that,” Gwen said. “Though it may take a bit longer to set up than your sea therapy.”

Now, what did that mean? wondered Kat as Gwen carried on down the hall. Had Luke already managed to put a spoke in the wheels? Well, her previous work with children and animals had been a huge success, and once she got this program all set up and running, it would succeed, too. Gwen was right that it would take some organizing; she needed not just the right animals, but a place to keep and care for them, plus feed and bedding and everything else they required. Not to mention risk assessments for absolutely everything. She’d better start making plans right away.

CHAPTER THREE

IT HAD BEEN ALMOST half an hour since he’d slammed the door on Kat Molloy and Luke was still seething. What did she expect, anyway? Obviously, he was going to watch out for his son, and if her sessions were in any way unsafe, he was going to interfere. She might be competent enough as a counselor, but her ideas about sea and animal therapy were something else. And now their disagreement had probably pushed Ben even further away from him.

All Luke really wanted was to make things right with his son, but everything he tried seemed to go wrong. And how she’d had the gall to turn up at his door and ask for help when she’d caused so much trouble was beyond him. He did feel a prickle of guilt for the way he’d ended the conversation, but she’d pushed him too far. How dare she insinuate that he didn’t love his own son?

With a heavy sigh, Luke went into the bathroom to shave and freshen up before dinner. He stared into the mirror and soaped his chin, his mind drifting over the past few weeks.

Since the moment he’d heard Ben was coming to Flight, Luke’s life had turned upside down—not that he’d have it any other way, of course. He remembered Mike calling him into his office and questioning him about Ben. Luke had tried to be totally honest, but as far as he’d known, Ben had been living a privileged and secure life in the care of his wealthy grandparents, Mollie and Jim Jackson, and his mother, Carly—Luke’s ex-wife.

Mike had frowned slightly, waiting for him to go on, and Luke had found himself making excuses for not being in his son’s life. When Ben was born, Mollie had promised him that she and Jim would make sure their grandson would be well taken care of, and he and Carly would have done nothing but argue if he’d stuck around. He’d believed he had nothing to offer Ben and that the boy didn’t need him, either.

“Did you want to be in his life?” Mike had asked, and he’d hesitated before replying. He wasn’t proud of that.

“I didn’t even know about him at first,” he’d said. “Carly and I were only married for a few months, and I hardly knew her family. Her mother called me a long time after we split up, totally out of the blue one afternoon. I was working down south. ‘I think it’s only right that you should know about Ben,’ she said.”

Luke genuinely hadn’t known that Carly was pregnant when they split up. Apparently, she’d insisted that she didn’t want Luke in her son’s life, but that hadn’t sat well with Mollie. After that initial call, Ben’s grandmother had promised to keep in touch and let Luke know how the boy was doing. And she had phoned him occasionally. When he’d moved nearer to where they lived, though, and pushed to have more contact with his son, maybe even get to see him, she had dropped what at the time felt like a bombshell.

Mollie had asked him to meet her at a tearoom on the outskirts of Lancaster one Saturday afternoon, a smart upmarket place that served proper English afternoon teas.

She’d already ordered when he arrived, but after she’d said her piece, the crustless egg sandwiches and fruit scones had turned his stomach. “Look,” she’d said kindly, placing her hand earnestly upon his. “I know that you and Carly were no good together, and it was right that you should split up so soon. No point hanging on to something that wasn’t working.”

“Our whole marriage was a series of impulsive decisions,” he’d agreed.

Mollie had nodded wisely, understanding. “I know that. The thing is, he’s never met you, Luke. He is almost two years old and you are a stranger to him. I thought it only right that you should know you have a son, but I honestly believe it would be way too confusing for him to have you turn up in his life now... One day, perhaps, when he’s old enough to know what he wants, he’ll probably ask to meet his dad and we would never stop him, but for now—for now we think that you should stay away, for Ben’s own good. He has a life, Luke—a happy, secure life filled with love, and he lacks for nothing. Your life’s not settled right now—you told me that the last time we spoke. You don’t have a steady job, and who knows where you’ll be next week, or next year. Do you really think it would be fair to let Ben get to know you, only to maybe have to leave him again?”

Everything inside him had screamed with objection. “But he’s my son. I need to know my own son.”

Mollie had clutched his arm. “Look, you’ve had nothing to do with him up until now. He’s happy and loved, a lovely, bubbly, content little boy, and you just want to pull his life apart for your own satisfaction.”

“But I’m his father.”

“Please, Luke. Think about Ben, not yourself. We can give him everything he needs to become the best that he can be. So please, if you care about him at all, just walk away. It will be the most unselfish and noble thing you could ever do for your son... Maybe when your life’s more settled and secure and you can guarantee that you’ll always be there for him, we can reconsider.”

He hadn’t agreed; he’d never agreed. He’d walked away from her that day with his emotions laid bare. Was she right? he’d asked himself again and again. Was he really being selfish in wanting to be in his son’s life? Ben didn’t need him; that was for sure. The boy had everything, so maybe he should just back off as Mollie had suggested, until he could walk back into Ben’s life and make him proud to be his son. He’d always felt like a failure to his dad and he didn’t want to be a failure to his son, too.

He’d done as Mollie had asked, but still tore himself apart over his decision, until he’d seen the job posting for a handyman position at Flight and it had seemed like a sign. Working around kids who needed help seemed like a good way to make a difference, since he’d been totally unable to have an impact on his own son’s life...yet.

Of course, he hadn’t given Mike all the details in his office that day, but he hoped he’d said enough to make it clear that he regretted not being in Ben’s life up until now.

Splashing cold water on his face, Luke grimaced at the spot of blood on his chin. It seemed he couldn’t even shave now without losing concentration.

Luke made himself a strong coffee and sat at his desk, his mind still spinning. It was seven years since he’d walked away from that meeting with Mollie, and he hated himself for agreeing to do as she had asked. He’d been wrong to stay away—he should have fought to see his son. He should have moved heaven and earth to be in his life... He’d known it the minute Ben had stepped through Mike’s office door just a few short weeks ago. And if he’d been around to spread the load when things started to go wrong for the Jacksons, maybe Ben wouldn’t have needed a special school at all. And maybe not having a dad in his life was partly what had caused Ben’s emotional issues in the first place.

The information they’d been given by the social worker was that Ben had been becoming more and more difficult for his elderly grandparents to handle. Jim was ill and Mollie had to spend a lot of time looking after him, so Ben had been left to his own devices most of the time. He’d been missing a lot of school, wandering around town until supper. Ben’s school had gotten the social worker involved after a local store had contacted them about one of their students stealing candy.

Apparently, things had first begun to go wrong after Carly had died several months earlier. That unexpected piece of information had left Luke shocked and angry. Mollie should have told him about Carly; he would have stepped in. She’d obviously kept the news from him because she was worried that he’d want to play a part in Ben’s life...and he would have, if he’d known the whole story, but he’d never have tried to take him away from them, if that was what she was worried about. The boy had been allowed to run wild and lost his way, and now it was up to Luke to try to instill some discipline into his son’s life, to teach him right and wrong. It was one of the few things from Luke’s own childhood that he could impart. He wouldn’t be where he was today if it wasn’t for the rules and structure he’d been made to follow when he was young.

In that first awkward meeting, just before Gwen had taken Ben to settle him in, Luke had tried to talk to him.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you, Ben,” he’d said. “And you don’t need to worry because I’ll be looking out for you.”

Ben had met his eyes then for the first time since he’d walked into the room; his brown eyes were dark with hurt and anger.

“I don’t want you!” he’d shouted. “And I don’t want to be here.”

The boy’s slight body had seemed to crumple, and when he’d rubbed his eyes fiercely to keep the tears at bay, Luke had taken a step toward him, needing to do something, anything that might make his son realize that everything was going to be okay. Ben shrank away from him, though, and instead of just following his instincts and giving him a hug, Luke had hesitated and glanced helplessly at Gwen.

“Right, Ben,” Gwen had announced briskly, trying to defuse the situation. “We have a lovely room ready for you, so why don’t you and I go find it and meet some of the other children here. You’ll see your gran again before she goes, don’t worry.”

Ben had jumped up to follow her at once. Anything, it seemed, to escape from the stranger who had just walked into his life, the stranger who they’d told him was his dad.

“Why don’t you and Mollie go somewhere private to catch up,” Gwen had suggested. “Then perhaps you’ll understand the situation a bit better.”

“Good idea,” Mike had agreed. “Lily and I will do the necessary paperwork.”

Lily was Ben’s social worker. Luke remembered how shocked he’d felt in that moment. Paperwork! It had seemed so wrong to talk about forms in the same context as planning the life of a child.

“A necessary evil, I’m afraid,” Mike had remarked, noting his expression. “We have to follow the paper trail. Now, why don’t you get Mollie a hot drink and a sandwich before she heads back. You can talk in the small sitting room.”