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Copyright
First published in Great Britain by
HarperCollins Children’s Books in 2007
HarperCollins Children’s Books is a division of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd,
HarperCollins Publishers
1 London Bridge Street
London SE1 9GF
The HarperCollins website address is:
www.harpercollins.co.uk
Skulduggery Pleasant rests his weary bones on the web at:
www.skulduggerypleasant.co.uk
Derek Landy blogs under duress at
www.dereklandy.blogspot.com
Text copyright © Derek Landy 2009
Illuminated letters copyright © Tom Percival 2009
Skulduggery Pleasant logo™ HarperCollins Publishers
Skulduggery Pleasant © ™ Derek Landy
Cover design © blacksheep-uk.com
Cover illustration © Tom Percival
Derek Landy asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of the work.
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.
Source ISBN: 9780007302161
Ebook Edition © ISBN: 9780007318285
Version: 2019-10-23
This book is dedicated to my agent, Michelle Kass.
I’m not going to be sappy here, OK? I’m not going to talk about how much you’ve done for me (which is a lot), or the impact you’ve had on my life (which is immense), and I’m not even going to talk about the advice, encouragement, and counsel you’ve given me since we met. And I’m not going to mention conversations on tractors either, or iPods at dinner tables, or the amount of Yiddish words you’ve taught me that I’ve promptly forgotten.
All of which, surprisingly, leaves me with nothing much to say.
Sorry about that.
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Chapter 1: The Scene of the Crime
Chapter 2: Killer on the Loose
Chapter 3: That First Kiss
Chapter 4: The Sea Hag
Chapter 5: Tracking the Teleporter
Chapter 6: Fletcher Renn
Chapter 7: Batu
Chapter 8: The Civilised Man
Chapter 9: The Enemy
Chapter 10: Finbar’s Little Trip
Chapter 11: Wreath
Chapter 12: In the Office of the Grand Mage
Chapter 13: The House on Cemetery Road
Chapter 14: The Diablerie
Chapter 15: Breaking and Entering
Chapter 16: Stealing the Grotesquery
Chapter 17: The Dark Little Secret
Chapter 18: In the Flesh
Chapter 19: The Man Who Would Be King
Chapter 20: Aranmore Farm
Chapter 21: Opportunity Rings
Chapter 22: Conversations with a Late Uncle
Chapter 23: Anathem Mire
Chapter 24: The Changing House
Chapter 25: The Raid
Chapter 26: The Sceptre
Chapter 27: Blink
Chapter 28: Saying Goodbye
Chapter 29: Cellmates
Chapter 30: Beryl
Chapter 31: Old Friends
Chapter 32: The Trade
Chapter 33: Jailbreak
Chapter 34: The Battle of Aranmore
Chapter 35: The Things of Impossibility
Chapter 36: Enemies
Chapter 37: Falling into Place
Chapter 38: From all Sides
Chapter 39: Crisis of Faith
Chapter 40: Killing Gods
Chapter 41: Black Lightning
Chapter 42: The Moment
Chapter 43: The Gateway
Chapter 44: The Task
Keep Reading …
The Skulduggery Pleasant series
About the Publisher
Valkyrie moved through the room as she had been taught, scanning the floor and surfaces, but managing to avoid looking at the body. She felt no compulsion to see any more of the victim than she absolutely had to. Her dark eyes drifted to the window. The park across the street was empty, the slides glistening with the rain and the swings creaking in the chill, early morning breeze.
Footsteps in the room and she turned to watch Skulduggery Pleasant take a small bag of powder from his jacket. He was wearing a pinstriped suit that successfully filled out his skeletal frame, and his hat was low over his eye sockets. He dipped a gloved finger into the bag and started to stir, breaking up the smaller lumps.
“Thoughts?” he said.
“He was taken by surprise,” answered Valkyrie. “The lack of any defensive marks means he didn’t have time to put up a fight. Just like the others.”
“So the killer was either completely silent …”
“Or his victims trusted him.” There was something odd about the room, something that didn’t quite fit. Valkyrie looked around. “Are you sure he lived here? There are no books on magic, no talismans, no charms on the walls, nothing.”
Skulduggery shrugged. “Some mages enjoy living on both sides. The magical community is secretive, but there are exceptions – those who work and socialise in the so-called ‘mortal’ world. Mr Light here obviously had a few friends who didn’t know he was a sorcerer.”
There were framed photographs on a shelf, of Light himself and other people. Friends. Loved ones. From the photos alone it seemed like he’d had a good life, a life filled with companionship. Now it was over of course. There was no Cameron Light any more, just an empty shell on the carpet.
Crime scenes, Valkyrie reflected, were rather depressing places.
She looked over at Skulduggery as he sprinkled the powder into the air. It was called rainbow dust because of the way any residual traces of magic in an area would change its colour. This time, however, the powder remained the same colour as it drifted all the way down to the floor.
“Not one trace,” he muttered.
Although the couch was obscuring her view of the body, Valkyrie could still see one foot. Cameron Light had been wearing black shoes and grey socks with worn elastic. He had a very white ankle. Valkyrie stepped to the side so the foot was out of view.
A bald man with broad shoulders and piercing blue eyes joined them in the room. “Detective Crux is nearby,” Mr Bliss said. “If you are caught at a crime scene …” He didn’t finish. He didn’t have to.
“We’re going,” Skulduggery said. He pulled on his coat and wrapped his scarf around the lower half of his skull. “We appreciate you calling us in on this by the way.”
“Detective Crux is unsuited to an investigation of this nature,” Bliss responded. “Which is why the Sanctuary needs you and Miss Cain to return to our employ.”
There was a slight hint of amusement in Skulduggery’s voice. “I think Thurid Guild might disagree with you there.”
“Nevertheless, I have asked the Grand Mage to meet with you this afternoon, and he has promised me he will.”
Valkyrie raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. Bliss was one of the most powerful men alive, but he also happened to be one of the scariest. He still creeped her out.
“Guild said he’d talk to us?” Skulduggery asked. “It’s not like him to change his mind about something like that.”
“Desperate times,” was all Bliss said.
Skulduggery nodded and Valkyrie followed him outside. Despite the grey skies, he slipped a pair of sunglasses into place above his scarf, hiding his eye sockets from passers-by. If there were any passers-by. The weather, it seemed, was keeping most sensible people indoors.
“Four victims,” Skulduggery said. “All Teleporters. Why?”
Valkyrie buttoned her coat, struggling a little. Her black clothes had saved her life more times than she wanted to count, but every move she made reminded her that she had grown since Ghastly Bespoke made them for her, and she wasn’t twelve any more. She’d had to throw away her boots because they’d gotten too small, and buy a regular pair in an ordinary, average shop. She needed Ghastly to change from a statue back to a man and make her a new outfit. Valkyrie allowed herself a moment to feel guilty about being so selfish then got back to business.
“Maybe Cameron Light, along with the other Teleporters, did something to the killer and this is his – or her – revenge.”
“That’s Theory One. Anything else?”
“Maybe the killer needed something from them.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know. Teleporter stuff.”
“So why kill them?”
“Maybe it’s one of those items where you have to kill the owner to use it, like the Sceptre of the Ancients.”
“And so we have Theory Two.”
“Or maybe the killer wanted something that one of them had, so he was just working his way through the Teleporters until he found whoever had it.”
“Now that’s a possibility, and so becomes Theory Two, Variation B.”
“I’m glad you’re not making this needlessly complicated or anything,” Valkyrie muttered.
A black van pulled up beside them. The driver got out, looked up and down the street to make sure no one was watching, and slid open the side door. Two Cleavers stepped out and stood silently, dressed in grey, faces hidden behind visored helmets. They each held a very long scythe. The last occupant of the van emerged and stood between the Cleavers. Wearing slacks and a matching blazer, with a high forehead and a goatee beard pointing down in an effort to give himself a chin, Remus Crux observed Skulduggery and Valkyrie with a disdainful expression.
“Oh,” he said, “it’s you.” He had a curious voice, like a spoiled cat whining for its dinner.
Skulduggery nodded to the Cleavers on either side of him. “I see you’re going incognito today.”
Immediately, Crux bristled. “I am the Sanctuary’s lead detective, Mr Pleasant. I have enemies and, as such, I need bodyguards.”
“Do you really need them to stand in the middle of the street?” Valkyrie asked. “They look a little conspicuous.”
Crux sneered. “That’s an awfully big word for a thirteen-year-old.”
Valkyrie resisted the urge to hit him. “Actually, it’s not,” she replied. “It’s fairly standard. Also, I’m fourteen. Also, your beard’s stupid.”
“Isn’t this fun?” Skulduggery said brightly. “The three of us getting along so well.”
Crux glared at Valkyrie, then looked at Skulduggery. “What are you doing here?”
“We were passing, we heard there’d been another murder and we thought we could get a peek at the crime scene. We just arrived actually. Is there any chance …?”
“I’m sorry, Mr Pleasant,” Crux said stiffly. “Because of the international nature of these crimes and the attention they’re getting, the Grand Mage expects me to conduct myself with the utmost professionalism, and he has given me strict instructions as regards you and Miss Cain. He doesn’t want either of you anywhere near Sanctuary business.”
“But this isn’t Sanctuary business,” Valkyrie pointed out. “It’s just a murder. Cameron Light didn’t even work for the Sanctuary.”
“It is an official Sanctuary investigation, which makes it official Sanctuary business.”
Skulduggery’s tone was friendly. “So how’s the investigation going? You’re probably under a lot of pressure to get results, right?”
“It’s under control.”
“Oh, I’m sure it is. And I’m sure the international community is offering help and pooling resources – this isn’t just an Irish problem after all. But if you need any unofficial help, we’ll be glad to—”
“You may break the rules,” Crux interrupted, “but I don’t. You no longer have any authority here. You gave that away when you accused the Grand Mage of treason, remember?”
“Vaguely …”
“You want my advice, Pleasant?”
“Not especially.”
“Find a nice hole in the ground somewhere and lie in it. You’re finished as a detective. You’re done.”
Wearing what he probably thought was a triumphant sneer, Crux and the two Cleavers entered the building.
“I don’t like him,” Valkyrie decided.
Idly, Valkyrie examined the wax figure of Phil Lynott, the lead singer from Thin Lizzy. It stood nearby, holding a guitar, and was actually a pretty good likeness. Her dad had been a big Thin Lizzy fan back in the 1970s, and whenever ‘Whiskey in the Jar’ came on the radio, he’d still sing along, albeit tunelessly.
“The panel is gone,” Skulduggery announced. “The moment we left, they must have changed the locks on us. I don’t know whether to feel flattered or insulted.”
“I get the feeling you’re going to decide on flattered.”
He shrugged. “It’s a fuzzier feeling.”
“So how do we get in?”
Someone tapped Valkyrie on the shoulder and she yelped and leaped away.
“I am sorry,” the wax figure of Phil Lynott said. “I did not mean to startle you.”
She stared at it.
“I am the lock,” it continued. “I open the door from this side of the wall. Do you have an appointment?”
“We’re here to see the Grand Mage,” Skulduggery said. “I am Skulduggery Pleasant and this is my associate, Valkyrie Cain.”
Phil Lynott’s wax head nodded. “You are expected, but you will need an official Sanctuary representative to accompany you through the door. I have alerted the Administrator. She should be arriving shortly.”
“Thank you.”
“You are welcome.”
Valkyrie stared at it for a few more seconds. “Can you sing?” she asked.
“I open the door,” it said. “That is my only purpose.”
“But can you sing?”
It considered the question. “I do not know,” it decided. “I have never tried.”
The wall rumbled behind them, and a door shifted and slid open. A woman in a sombre skirt and white blouse stood there, smiling politely.
“Mr Pleasant,” the Administrator said, “Miss Cain, welcome. The Grand Mage is expecting you. Please follow me.”
The figure of Phil Lynott didn’t say goodbye as the Administrator led them down a spiral staircase, their way lit by burning torches in brackets. They reached the bottom and passed into the Foyer. It felt weird, walking into a place that had once been so familiar, and now seemed so alien. The irrational part of Valkyrie’s brain was certain that the Cleaver guards were glaring at them from behind their visors, even though she knew they were far too disciplined and professional to display such petty behaviour.
The Sanctuary, she had only recently realised, was shaped like a massive triangle that had toppled over, and was now lying flat beneath the surface of Dublin City. The Foyer marked the dead centre of the triangle’s base, with long corridors stretching out to either side and a central corridor running straight. The side corridors turned in at a 45-degree angle, and eventually met the central corridor at the triangle’s point. Smaller corridors bisected these in a seemingly random pattern.
The rooms along the main corridors were mostly used for the day-to-day running of the Sanctuary and the Council of Elders’ business. But down some of those narrower corridors lay rooms that were a lot more interesting – the Gaol, holding cells, the Repository, the Armoury and dozens more that Valkyrie had never even seen.
The Administrator chatted amicably with Skulduggery as they walked. She was a nice lady, brought in as a replacement for the Administrator who had died during Nefarian Serpine’s raid on the Sanctuary two years before. Valkyrie closed her mind to the memory of the carnage. She had lived through it once – she saw no reason to do so again.
The Administrator showed them into a large room with no furniture. “The Grand Mage will be with you in a moment.”
“Thank you,” Skulduggery said, nodding politely, and the Administrator left.
“Do you think we’ll be waiting long?” Valkyrie asked, keeping her voice low.
“The last time we were in this building, we accused the Grand Mage of being a traitor,” Skulduggery said. “Yes, I think we’ll be waiting long.”
Almost two hours later, the doors opened again and a grey-haired man strode in, his face lined and serious and his eyes cold. He stopped when he saw Valkyrie, who was sitting on the floor.
“You will stand when I enter the room,” he said, barely managing to keep the snarl out of his voice.
Valkyrie had been getting up before he had spoken, but as she got to her feet, she kept her mouth shut. This meeting was too important to risk ruining because of something stupid.
“Thank you for agreeing to see us,” Skulduggery said. “We understand you must be very busy.”
“If it were up to me, I wouldn’t allow you to waste another moment of my time,” Guild said. “But Mr Bliss continues to vouch for you. It is out of respect for my fellow Elder that you are even here.”
“And on that positive note,” Skulduggery began, but Guild shook his head.
“None of your jokes, Mr Pleasant. Say what you came here to say and leave the sarcastic comments to one side.”
Skulduggery’s head tilted slightly. “Very well. Six months ago, while preparing to bring down Baron Vengeous, you fired us over a disagreement. Later that same day, we defeated both Vengeous and the Grotesquery, and the threat they posed was averted. And yet our role in that operation was overlooked.”
“You’re looking for a reward? I have to say, I’d be disappointed if I didn’t already think so little of you. I didn’t think money interested someone like you. Or perhaps you’d like a medal?”
“This isn’t about a reward.”
“Then what is it about?”
“Four Teleporters have been murdered in the past month and you still have no idea who is responsible. You know we should be in on this.”
“I’m afraid I can’t discuss an ongoing investigation with civilians. I assure you, Detective Crux has matters well in hand.”
“Remus Crux is a second-rate detective.”
“On the contrary, there is no doubt in my mind that Crux is the best man for the job. I know him and I trust him.”
“And how many more people have to die before you realise your mistake?”
Guild’s eyes narrowed. “You can’t help yourself, can you? You come here, begging for your old job back, and even now you can’t help but be insolent. Apparently, the only lesson you’ve learned since you were last here is how to shut that girl up.”
“Bite me,” Valkyrie snapped.
“And even at that you fail,” Guild sighed.
Valkyrie’s anger swirled inside her and she felt herself go red. At the sight of her flushed face, Guild smiled a smug little smile.
“This is a waste of time,” Skulduggery said. “You were never going to even consider reinstating us, were you?”
“Of course not. You say you were fired over a disagreement. How simple that sounds. How innocent. How innocuous. What a very polite way of saying that you accused me of being a traitor.”
“Vengeous had a spy in the Sanctuary, Thurid, and we know it was you.”
“This is how you’re spending your retirement, is it? Making up fantastic stories to fill in the gaps of whatever you call your life? Tell me, Skulduggery – since we’re on a first-name basis – have you discovered what your purpose in life actually is? You’ve already killed the man who murdered your family, so it can’t be revenge. You’ve done that one. So what is it, do you think? Redemption, for all the terrible things you’ve done? Maybe you’re here to heal all those wounds you’ve inflicted, or bring back all those people you’ve killed. What is your purpose, Skulduggery?”
Before Skulduggery could respond, Guild gestured to Valkyrie.
“Is it to teach this girl? Is it to train her to be just like you? Is that what gets you up in the morning? But here’s a question you maybe haven’t asked yourself – do you really want her to be like you? Do you want her to live like you – devoid of warmth, and companionship, and love?
“If you suspect me of being this traitor, then you must think that I’m a monster, yes? A cold-hearted monster. And yet I have a wife I adore, and children I worry about, and a responsibility in my work that weighs on my shoulders every moment of every day. So if a cold-hearted monster like me could have all this, and you have none of it, then what does that make you?”
They left the Sanctuary, passed the wax figure of Phil Lynott in silence, and walked back to the car. Valkyrie didn’t like it when Skulduggery went quiet. It usually meant bad things.
A man was standing by their car. He had tight brown hair and a few days’ worth of beard growth. Valkyrie frowned, trying to remember if he’d been there a second ago.
“Skulduggery,” the man said. “I thought I’d find you here.”
Skulduggery nodded to him. “Emmett Peregrine, it’s been a while. Allow me to introduce Valkyrie Cain. Valkyrie, Peregrine here is a Teleporter.”
Peregrine was also a man who apparently didn’t indulge in small talk. “Who’s behind it? Who’s killing the Teleporters?”
“We don’t know.”
“Well, why don’t you know?” he snapped. “You’re supposed to be the big detective, aren’t you? Isn’t that what they say?”
“I don’t work for the Sanctuary,” Skulduggery replied. “I don’t have official sanction.”
“Then who does? Because I’m telling you right now, I am not going to that idiot Crux. I’m not putting my life in the hands of someone like that. Listen, we may not like each other, and I know we have never warmed to each other’s company, but I need your help or I’m next.”