Home is Where the Heart Is

CHAPTER SIX

How I wish I’d followed your advice, Davina, and written to Alex before he arrived. It was a bad mistake to leave it so long, as it’s now more difficult than ever. Delighted as I am to receive the invitation to spend Christmas with him and his family, how can I possibly accept because of baby Heather?’ Cathie said, sharing the problem she now faced with her friends. ‘Yet if I refuse, it will look as if I’ve no wish to spend the day with his family, and it’s long past time I met them.’

They were enjoying one of their customary snacks together, this time midweek as neither she nor Brenda had any job to go to. The sound of carol singing by the Salvation Army filled the frosty air, as Cathie slowly sipped her bowl of hot vegetable soup. She was taking her time over it, knowing it might be the most food she would get to eat that day. How she would manage to keep the pantry stocked in the coming weeks really didn’t bear thinking about. She would be entirely dependent upon her mother’s wages to feed them, a dismaying prospect. Rona hadn’t a clue about the cost of anything, the difficulties of shortages, or even how rationing worked, as she’d always left all of such domestic matters to her daughters.

Now even Christmas, which she’d been so looking forward to, was turning into a nightmare. It meant that all her efforts to prepare the best Christmas ever for Alex had been entirely in vain.

‘I’d offer to help only I’ve agreed to spend the holiday season with my late husband’s family,’ Brenda said, pulling her face as if this gave her little pleasure.

‘I could mind baby Heather for you, if you like,’ Davina offered, taking her entirely by surprise.

Cathie blinked. ‘Really? Are you sure?’

‘Perfectly. I’m not an expert on baby care, but this is a time of goodwill, after all, so why shouldn’t I help?’ she said with a smile that seemed much warmer than usual.

How could she decline such an offer? It was too good to refuse, even though this was not at all what Cathie had planned. ‘I don’t suppose you’d be willing to have a practice this evening as I need to attend the concert Steve and I have helped to organise? The Co-operative Society is very much involved with local charities, holding dances, whist drives, sports events and children’s parties, with which I’m always happy to help. I was going to tuck Heather into a back room, but it would be much better if you came and sat with her at home. My mother will be out on the razzle, of course, as usual. Never thinks to offer any assistance at all.’

‘No problem, I’d love to. Then if you’re happy with my services, I shall be equally happy to babysit for you on Christmas Day.’

‘That’s very generous of you,’ Brenda said with a frown, almost as if she didn’t quite believe what she was hearing either. ‘Have you no other plans? You aren’t going home to spend time with your own family?’

‘Not just now, no.’ When she said no more, Cathie rushed in with her thanks.

‘That would be great! So kind of you, thank you, Davina.’ She could hardly believe her good luck on both counts.

They agreed a time for Davina to arrive that evening, early enough for her to be shown how to change a nappy, and feed baby Heather her bottle before putting her to bed.

In fact she very kindly came early and carefully went through the routine of baby care, which worked wonderfully. Satisfied that all was well, and with little Heather tucked up in her cot and her friend reading a magazine by the fire, Cathie put on her hat and coat and went off to meet Steve, arriving in good time to help him get everything ready before starting to collect tickets at the door.

It was just as well she hadn’t brought baby Heather with her as it proved to be an incredibly busy evening. Cathie was rushing about all over the place, helping people backstage with their dresses and make-up, checking that props were in the right place, and controlling the children as they waited for their turn to perform in the school choir. She also sold programmes, helped the ladies of the Women’s Institute to serve the tea during the interval, and generally scurried about doing all manner of tasks. She even found herself helping the lighting technician resolve a problem with the sound system when for some reason it failed.

‘You’ve improved your talents considerably,’ Steve said in surprise, not sounding half as mocking as he might once have done when they were young kids.

‘I’m certainly not the useless lump you used to accuse me of being,’ she retorted. ‘Thanks to my war efforts.’

‘Well, you couldn’t be any worse,’ he said with a laugh, and she scowled at him. Perhaps at heart Steve wasn’t quite as kind and caring as he appeared at first sight, and still a bit thoughtless at times, although his charity work deserved considerable admiration.

The Christmas concert was a great success, with various locals volunteering to do a turn. These included a butcher who performed some magic tricks, much to everyone’s astonishment and delight; a group of acrobats who usually worked at Belle Vue, and two young women shop assistants who sang ‘I’ve Got My Love to Keep Me Warm’ and most appropriately ‘I’ll Be Home for Christmas’, which brought forth cheers all round. They finished their performance by singing ‘Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas’, with which everyone in the audience joined in, save for Cathie. Cathie was in tears, as she knew it had been sung by Judy Garland in Meet Me in St Louis, the film Sal had gone to see on the day of her fatal accident. How unfair life was.

Recognising her distress, Steve gave her shoulder a little squeeze. Brushing the tears from her eyes Cathie took a deep breath to calm herself. She really must be brave, for little Heather’s sake, she reminded herself, however difficult that might be.

As a prelude to Christmas a choir from the local chapel sang the ‘Hallelujah Chorus’ from Handle’s Messiah. There wasn’t a textile town in all of Lancashire and Yorkshire that didn’t revel in the glorious sound of this old favourite. After which, the concert concluded with the pianist playing a medley of carols, from ‘Hark the Herald Angels Sing’ to ‘O Come All Ye Faithful’, accompanied by both the school and chapel choir singing in perfect harmony. This brought forth a rousing applause and a merry singalong from the audience.

‘What a wonderful concert that was,’ she told Steve as they said goodnight at the door, having quickly stacked chairs, swept the floor and generally tidied up, with stalwart help from the WI ladies.

‘I couldn’t have managed half so well without you,’ he said with a grateful grin. ‘Particularly keeping those kids happy and stopping their fights and arguments.’ They chuckled together as they recalled some of the disputes she’d resolved, and the songs and poems the school children had performed individually.

‘Some of them were so talented they put me to shame.’

‘What little stars they were. Anyway, thanks for helping to organise the concert. It’s been great fun.’

‘Happy to do so. I enjoyed myself enormously. Any time you have an event on, just let me know,’ she said, pecking his cheek with a quick kiss before turning to leave.

It was then that she saw Alex, standing to attention before them, his brow puckered into a grim frown. ‘Alex, goodness, I’d no idea you intended to come tonight.’ His sudden appearance was startling, and he looked so stern and regimented that Cathie thought for a moment Steve might be about to click his heels together and salute.

‘I can see you weren’t expecting me,’ he remarked icily.

Noting the scowl of jealousy on his face, Cathie hurried to give him a kiss. ‘It’s lovely to see you, darling. You should have told me you were coming. This is Steve Allenby, by the way, who works at the Co-op and organised this event. It has raised a large sum of money for our returning heroes.’

‘Cathie worked hard too, bless her,’ Steve said with a smile, as he stretched out a hand for Alex to shake.

He didn’t take it. Instead, he turned to address his fiancée in a firm tone of voice. ‘I’ve come to see you safely home, not watch this children’s concert.’

‘Oh, of course, how kind of you. Well, goodnight Steve.’ Hooking her arm into his, she allowed Alex to lead her out into the cold dark night.

The incident brought rather a sad feel to the end of what had been a joyous evening. But when they reached the corner of her street Alex pulled her into his arms and proceeded to kiss her with such vigour, any feeling of resentment quickly dissolved as she responded with equal passion. It was almost a compliment that a perfectly boring friendship with Steve had sparked jealousy in him. Alex’s increasing fervour did cause her some alarm when he slid his hand down her thigh to lift her skirt and began to fondle her private parts. She almost slapped his hand away, feeling a sudden urge to protest that he was going too far, but then lost the courage as desire flowered within her. Hadn’t he made it very clear that he wished to enjoy life again? Who was she to deny him a little pleasure, and after all these years apart?

Besides, didn’t his need for her prove how very much he loved her?

On Christmas Eve, Cathie went through the ritual of hanging up the baby’s Christmas stocking, and setting out a plate of mince tarts and a small glass of sherry for Santa Claus, even though little Heather hadn’t the first idea what was going on. When Christmas Day finally dawned, the little girl instantly fell in love with the soft little teddy bear she found poking out of the stocking. What a joy the child was, so happy and giggly, and so easy to love. She stood holding tight to a chair as she dangled the bear with one hand. Then pulling it to her chest, gave it a hug as she took her first step, wobbled madly for a moment and then plonked down on her bottom. Cathie laughed and clapped with delight. She’d be walking soon.

‘This was your mummy’s teddy when she was a little girl. He’s called Billy. I’m so glad you like him too,’ she said to the bright-eyed child, who instantly planted a kiss on the stuffed bear’s nose, then said, ‘B-b-b,’ as if making an effort to start practising his name.

They had a fun time playing with her new toys – some wooden bricks and a little postbox with plastic letters to fit in. Later in the morning Cathie reluctantly handed Heather over to Davina. She hated the idea of them spending Christmas apart. Oh, how she wished she’d mentioned the baby before now, then she wouldn’t have needed to leave her. But everything had seemed much more complicated than she’d expected, or else she was still very much the coward Steve remembered. Cathie was quite certain everything would have been different had she found the courage to do the right thing. Then Alex would have invited Heather. Now it was too late. It certainly wouldn’t be appropriate to mention the subject today, but once Christmas was over Cathie fully intended to explain everything.

‘So your mother didn’t rise to the occasion then?’ Davina asked, with a wry smile. She rocked the pram a little and then smiled down at the baby, who was sitting up straight and proud, cuddling the bear in her arms.

‘I’m afraid not.’

Rona had already gone off to The Donkey, her favourite pub on Water Street, to celebrate Christmas Day with her friends. Having witnessed Alex’s invitation at first hand, she’d quickly made it very clear that the baby was not her responsibility. ‘The child needs a proper mother, not a young girl like yourself who can’t even offer her a father.’

‘I’m about to be married so I will be able to offer her one soon. I realise I should have told Alex about Heather long before now. You were wrong to advise me against doing that, Mam. But couldn’t you just for once stand in for me, if only for a few hours. It is the season of goodwill.’

Rona had been sitting at her dressing table applying rouge and lipstick with her usual diligence, then fluffed up her victory roll hairstyle, scarcely listening to a word Cathie said, as her next remark proved. ‘Tommy has invited me to his house for dinner. I gave him the goose we bought, and a few of the trimmings so as not to waste them.’

‘You did what? You’d no right to do that, Mam. You didn’t even buy that food, I did, and could have cooked it for dinner tomorrow, on Boxing Day.’

Rona shrugged. ‘You never said you intended to do that. Anyway, it’s too late, it’s gone. No doubt the goose is already in Tommy’s oven. He’s quite a good cook, actually.’

Now, as Cathie met Davina’s sympathetic gaze with anguish in her own, Cathie let out a heavy sigh. ‘I’ve even lost the food I bought for Christmas, but there’s really no arguing with Rona. She does exactly as she pleases, with no thought for anyone but herself.’

‘Maybe you should tell Alex today about the child. It is, as you rightly pointed out to your mother, the season of goodwill, so this could be your best opportunity.’

‘I don’t think it would be quite appropriate on the day I meet his parents for the first time.’

‘They need to know some time, so why not now?’

Cathie thought about this piece of advice as she made her way past St John’s Church. Once she had met his parents and done the polite thing by chatting to them and enjoying the Christmas meal they offered, she hoped there might come a moment during the course of the afternoon when she and Alex would be alone. That would hopefully give her the opportunity she needed to explain her plan for adoption. What should she say? How could she put it? Are you willing to accept my late sister’s child as your own? Perhaps that was a bit too blunt. And how could she begin to explain why she had kept silent for so long on the subject? Was it really just because she had no wish to speak of Sal’s death, or more from a fear of losing him?

Whatever the reason, she must remind Alex how many orphaned children there were now, that too many were growing up without fathers. She had no wish for little Heather to feel abandoned when she had a loving aunt to care for her. Perhaps she should have brought the baby with her, after all. Surely once he met Heather all these worries would be resolved. Although how Alex’s parents would react was much more of an unknown factor.

At least little Heather was safe and happily playing with Davina, so she’d hopefully enjoy Christmas Day, even without her aunt. Cathie had agreed to collect her later in the afternoon, around four o’clock. Tomorrow she’d make it up to the child by devoting the entire day to her.

Arriving at the door of a fine Georgian, three-storeyed terraced house bearing the name Doctor Victor Ryman written on a plaque fixed to the wall, Cathie was suddenly beset with the urge to turn on her heels and run back home. Instead, she took a deep breath to gather her courage and lifted the brass knocker. It looked so bright and shiny the maid had no doubt polished it that very morning. Cathie smiled to herself as it crossed her mind that she would probably have more success applying for such a job rather than the role of wife to a doctor’s son. Giving the knocker a gentle bang, she almost hoped that no one would hear it.

CHAPTER SEVEN

If Cathie had been hoping to see jolly faces in funny hats, hear the sound of carols being sung or played on a piano, or even laughter resonating through the house as this was Christmas Day, she was instantly disappointed. There wasn’t even any sign of Christmas decorations, save for a stately tree set in a corner of the large, spacious hall, sparingly bedecked with baubles. Nor was Alex waiting there to welcome her. The door was opened by an elderly manservant, who took her coat and hat before leading her upstairs to the drawing room. Cathie trembled with nerves. This was not at all how she’d hoped to spend Christmas, nor had she imagined that Alex’s home would be so grand. How naïve of her to assume he would be happy to spend it at her own humble abode.