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“This sucks,” she said bluntly. “You have done everything medically possible to carry a baby to term. I know how important this is to you. I wish you could know how I hate telling you this. I’m sorry, Hayley. If it’s this painful for me, I can’t imagine how awful it is for you. But you have to get through this. The surgery is necessary to save your life.”
She reached for a card on her desk. “I’d like you to see another specialist. She’s at UCLA. Talk to her. Get a second opinion and a third. But please, don’t wait too long.”
Because time was never on her side, she thought, the cold deepening until she couldn’t feel anything else.
Hayley nodded. “Okay. Thanks. I get it.”
She stood and collected the material she’d brought with her. She could feel herself moving, but something wasn’t right. It was as if she were underwater, or fighting through being slightly out of space and time. The cold was the only constant.
“I’m sorry,” Dr. Pearce repeated. “Hayley, you have my cell number. Call me anytime. I mean that.”
“Sure. I will.”
She walked out of the office and back to the waiting room. Rob stood there.
“Are you going to listen to Dr. Pearce?” he asked. “Did you hear what she was saying? I don’t want you to die. We have to stop. You have to schedule the surgery.”
As cold as she felt, she was surprised her teeth weren’t chattering. She couldn’t feel her hands or her feet. Her heartbeat sounded loud in her ears, making it difficult to hear what her husband was saying.
Maybe this was shock, she told herself. Maybe it was a bad dream.
“We should go,” she said. “We’re done here.”
He looked at her for a long time. “I wish I could believe that.”
* * *
Gabby had met Nicole over a year ago through Shannon, Gabby’s sister-in-law. Casual conversation had turned to going to Supper’s in the Bag together which had morphed into friendship. Gabby knew in her head that Nicole ran an exercise studio that specialized in Pilates. She’d seen her friend in various outfits and knew the other woman was in great shape. But all that intellectual knowledge had not prepared her for a class at Mischief in Motion.
Mat Pilates had sounded easy enough. The mat part implied lying down. At least she wouldn’t be running and jumping. But halfway through her first class, she realized that the mat was just there to taunt her. There might not be running and jumping but there was more pain than she’d ever thought possible. Nicole wanted her to do things that the human body just wasn’t meant to do. At least hers wasn’t.
“Five more seconds,” Nicole said, sounding more like a drill sergeant than a friend. “And hold. Three, two, one and relax.”
Gabby fell onto her back. She was sweating and quivering. The sweating was gross but expected. What she objected to the most was the quivering. Even though the exercise was over, her stomach muscles continued to tremble. That couldn’t be good.
Nicole, all skinny and fit in black exercise leggings and a black and hot-pink racer-back tank, knelt by her mat.
“You doing okay?” she asked.
“No. I can’t move.”
“Just do what you can. This is a pretty advanced class. When we’re done here, let’s go over the schedule and find something you’ll enjoy more.”
“You mean a class with fat, out-of-shape people with emotional eating problems?” Gabby was trying to be funny but had a bad feeling she only sounded pathetic.
“I was thinking that a class geared to someone who’s been busy with her family might be better, but you call it what you want.” Nicole rose. “Okay, everyone. We’ll finish with the plank.”
Everyone rolled over and shifted into the plank position. Well, everyone except Gabby. She tried to sit up only to find that her body failed her. Pain joined the quivering. She rolled onto her side and managed to push herself up so she was at least sitting.
She watched the other women in the class hold their pose as Nicole counted the time. Three of the women dropped out at a minute, which left Shannon and Pam still going. At two minutes, Gabby felt her mouth drop open. Shannon was in fantastic shape, damn her, but Pam was over fifty. She looked great and obviously worked out a lot. Gabby figured she could either be inspired or feel bitter. Right now, bitter was winning.
“Three minutes,” Nicole said out loud.
“Ready to call it?” Pam asked, sounding out of breath.
“Yes. One, two, three.”
On three they both collapsed. Everyone applauded. Gabby told herself she would remember this moment and when she was faced with cookies or brownies, she would think of Pam. She might also eat a cookie, but it would be with Pam in mind.
Shannon stood and walked over. “How are you holding up?” she asked.
“I have no idea,” Gabby admitted.
The other woman held out her hand, to help Gabby to her feet. Gabby took it and forced herself to stand. Her legs were shaking and she felt a little sick to her stomach.
“I hate exercise,” she admitted to herself as the rest of the students collected their things and left.
Nicole brought her a bottle of water. “Drink. Then come look at the schedule.”
“You did great,” Pam told her. “This is a tough class. Nicole works us extra hard, so the fact that you got through it shows grit. When I first started, I had the endurance of a noodle.”
“I’ve always liked pasta,” Gabby admitted.
The other women laughed.
Pam walked over to her tote bag. A head popped out. Gabby looked at the delicate Chinese crested and compared her to Boomer. They were barely the same species.
Lulu seemed more alien than dog, with a bare body that was sort of gray with white splotches. On her tail, head and feet, she had pure white fluffy fur. Today she had on a blue T-shirt with little hearts on it.
The dog might be weird-looking, but she was very well behaved. Boomer could learn a thing or two from her. Not that his lack of manners was his fault, Gabby admitted. She hadn’t taken enough time to train him. Pam reached for Lulu and the little dog jumped into her arms.
Pam returned to the group and everyone sat down on the mats. Gabby joined them. She didn’t have to be anywhere for a while.
“When’s your next trip?” Shannon asked Pam.
“September.” Pam turned to Gabby. “I have some friends I cruise with. We’re doing a quick cruise around Spain and Portugal.”
“They’re wild women,” Nicole added. “I keep expecting to hear you’ve mooned some island.”
“I don’t think my butt is big enough that I could moon an entire island,” Pam said as she stroked Lulu. “Maybe a beach. Hmm, I’ll get back to you on that.”
Shannon patted her lap and the little dog jumped gracefully over. “You’re going to stay with me, sweet girl. Aren’t you?”
“Char and Oliver must love that,” Gabby said. “The twins adore her.” Lulu had quite the wardrobe and was happy to play dress up.
“How long will you be gone?” Gabby asked Pam.
“Nearly two weeks. The cruise is a week, then I’m staying with friends.”
“Has anyone talked to Hayley?” Nicole asked. “I left her a message a couple of days ago and haven’t heard back from her.”
“I haven’t, either,” Gabby said. “I’ll text her when I get home.”
There was a moment of awkward silence. The women looked at each other. Gabby would guess they were each trying to figure out what to say.
“If something had happened, we would have heard,” Gabby said. “Rob would call one of us.”
“Even if he didn’t, Steven would know,” Pam added. “He would have said something. He knows better than to keep something like that from me.”
Despite being part of the Los Angeles metropolitan area, Mischief Bay was, at heart, a small town. Hayley worked for Steven Eiland who owned a plumbing company. Steven was Pam’s son.
“Poor Hayley,” Nicole murmured. “I worry about her.”
“Me, too.” Gabby knew her friend desperately wanted to have a baby, but she’d been through so much.
“Everybody has their own path.” Pam stretched her legs out in front of her.
“You got that right. The baby thing is complicated.” Shannon hugged Lulu. “Maybe I should get a dog.”
“You work too many hours,” Pam pointed out.
Gabby watched Shannon and wondered if her sister-in-law ever felt regrets. Shannon had an amazing career. She was CFO for a successful software company. But she was forty-one and hadn’t married until the previous year. She and Adam, Gabby’s older brother, didn’t have any kids of their own. Adam had two from a previous marriage. He and Shannon had just finished up the paperwork and approval process to be foster parents. Talk about changing their lives. They were going to make a difference, but Gabby wasn’t sure that was enough for a woman who really wanted kids. While she envied her sister-in-law her career, she wouldn’t have given up the twins for anything. She’d always wanted both.
But that decision left her wondering if having it all meant doing a lot of it badly.
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