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Their row that last dreadful day, and the way she had left him, had broken his heart, destroyed the hopes and dreams he had dared to believe in since meeting her. Now he looked at her, stunned at the dismissive uninterest in those amazing blue eyes. He might not have expected her to greet him with open arms—had even anticipated a few moments of characteristic temper and stubbornness—but he hadn’t been prepared for her cool unconcern.
The pain in his gut intensified. He had thought she might have grown up in five years, hoped she would have mellowed, matured, reasoned things out…understood that he hadn’t been the bad guy. She had been the one to end it, after all—to throw away everything they had on a whim, indulging in a customary tantrum because she hadn’t got her own way. But clearly Annie had not changed. Old hurts and the smart of injustice fired anew within him.
Practised at hiding his inner feelings, he took a few moments to study her. It was hardly possible, but she looked even more beautiful than ever—as if she had grown into herself during the intervening years. Above average height, her slender figure had a feminine lushness, firing his erotic fantasies, and the shapeless green scrubs hid a body he knew as intimately as his own. A body that was all woman, with long, toned limbs and mouthwatering curves. He knew every hollow, every freckle, every dip and rise, knew the silky-soft feel of her skin, the honey-sweet taste of her, knew her sensuous jasmine fragrance. Knew, too, just where to touch, kiss, lick and suck to keep her on the brink, before shooting her into the stratosphere with pleasure. And he knew the sounds she made achieving the peak of ecstasy.
Her skin was creamy and translucent, her eyes a rich, dark blue, and her ebony hair was as glossy but shorter than it had been, now brushing her shoulders in tousled waves. She didn’t look a day older, but there was a new poise and confidence about her, a new drive and ambition. He’d heard how respected she was in the department, what a good doctor she had become. He was proud of her and her achievements, the way she had fast attained her specialist registrar status, but he also knew a moment of surprise that she now appeared the single-minded career woman. Annie had always been caring and warm, dedicated to her patients, but she had been carefree and impish too—quirky, with a zest for living, desperate to combine being a doctor with having fun…and a family of her own.
How much of that side of her remained? he wondered now, watching her unsmiling face, her shuttered expression, trying to banish the rush of mixed emotions that seeing her again had evoked in him. Not because he hadn’t expected it—she was why he was here, after all—but because of her response to him. Or her lack of one. Annie seemed not to care a damn about his sudden presence in Strathlochan.
‘I hope you enjoy your stay with us, Nathan,’ she murmured, her voice cool, more refined, yet still carrying a recognisable thread of her Yorkshire upbringing.
Scared his plans were going to hell in a handcart, he somehow managed a polite nod and kept his own voice composed. ‘Thank you.’ He needed to regroup, to reevaluate his mission here.
‘The fact that you are old friends makes my decision an easy one.’ Robert Mowbray’s words drew Nathan’s attention, and he turned to face the older man. ‘Annie, I want you to be Nathan’s support while he settles in here,’ the consultant continued, apparently unaware of the tension crackling around them. ‘I’ll make sure your shifts are scheduled together for the time being.’
Nathan heard Annie’s indrawn hiss of breath, and when he glanced at her he saw the momentary spark of horrified panic in her eyes. Maybe she wasn’t as calm and unaffected as she wanted him to think. Interesting.
‘Nathan’s reputation as a trauma doctor precedes him, and I worked alongside him yesterday so I know his skills first-hand. He won’t need babysitting, Annie, but the plan is for him to make up to specialist registrar grade while he’s here. We’ll do all we can to ensure that happens. Were it not for his time outside a hospital environment he would be well ahead of you on the career ladder.’
Nathan frowned. He would sooner Robert Mowbray kept any additional details to himself. Another glance at Annie revealed a spark of curiosity flickering in her eyes—one he had not expected to see. In all their time together they had been as physically intimate as it was possible to be, but she had never shown any deeper interest in his background, for which he had been relieved and thankful. The fact that Annie had never asked questions, that she’d been so open and had lived only for the moment, had been amongst the many things that had drawn him to her in the first place. She’d been different from anyone he had ever known, a refreshing change after his dour home-life laden with problems, disappointments and the heavy weight of unwanted responsibility.
He was jolted from his thoughts as a nurse bustled up to them. Matronly, with greying hair and smiling hazel eyes, Nathan remembered her name was Gail.
‘Excuse me interrupting, but we have two ambulances on the way in,’ she informed them. ‘There was a collision in town. It’s believed an elderly woman had a heart attack at the wheel. Her car mounted the pavement and hit a gentleman shopper. He is reported to have multiple leg fractures. Both were said to be serious but stable at the scene.’
Robert snapped to attention. ‘Right. Thank you, Gail. I’ll take the woman with heart problems. Annie, you and Nathan attend to the man with fractures. Gail, ask the on-call radiographer to come down, please. And we’ll need people from both Cardiology and Orthopaedics.’
As Gail hurried off to carry out her duties, Robert went into a resus bay to organise his team. Nathan followed Annie into another. Pulling on a lead apron with “Team Leader” written on the back, she briefed the staff who had gathered, each of whom were donning their own lead aprons as well as gloves and eye protection—standard safety devices used in the department.
‘Nathan will be designated Doctor 1 and Gus Doctor 2,’ she clarified, checking to see that the nurses were set and that the room was prepared for the patient’s arrival. ‘Holly will work with Nathan, Gail with Gus, and Carolyn will act as scribe and complete the Trauma Sheet. The anaesthetist is here, and a radiographer is on the way. Everyone ready?’
A chorus of agreement greeted her question as each member of staff set about their appointed tasks. Noting that junior doctor Gus Buchanan was seeing to the blood bottles and forms, Gail was preparing warm fluids, and Holly was phoning the lab and writing up details on the white board on the wall, Nathan headed out with Annie towards the outer doors of the casualty department, where they joined the wait for the ambulances with Robert and his head nurse.
The familiar charge of adrenalin hit him. He remained painfully aware of Annie’s presence, and her antipathy, but he had to try and force thoughts of her out of his mind for the moment. It wasn’t easy, however. She had haunted his every waking moment and his every dream at night for five long years—ever since the moment she had shattered his heart and his reason for being.
The silence, the loneliness, the darkness of his time without her had cut deep. He had loved her…truly, deeply, completely. She had brought fun and sunshine into his otherwise grey, joyless life. A life that had returned to being colourless and dull without her effervescent presence and the warmth of her love. The light had gone when she had left him and had never returned. Now with the other responsibilities that had burdened his life for so long in some kind of order, he had needed to find Annie again, to bring closure to a part of his life that felt unfinished.
Part of him had hoped he would see Annie and feel nothing—that the love would have gone and he would be set free, released from the prison he’d been in for five years. A prison in which he had been in solitary confinement and to which only Annie held the key to release him. Then perhaps he could put the past behind and move on with his life without Annie haunting him. But it wasn’t to be. The second he had seen her again he had known with a mix of excitement and despair that the love and desire was still there and the craving had not gone away. Being near her again was overwhelming his senses. Annie still held his emotions in a stranglehold.
It would be far better for him if he did feel nothing. Yet one look and he knew he still cared for her with everything in him. Despite what she had done, despite the hurt she had caused him running away as she had, he still wanted her, needed her, loved her. Which made his life horribly complicated and uncertain. Given her reception of him, the chance that they could reconcile the past, let alone re-establish any kind of relationship, was seeming less and less likely. Once again he was opening himself up to inevitable heartbreak and rejection, and he wasn’t sure he could survive that a second time.
The sound of sirens drew him from his troubled thoughts, and he watched the flashing blue lights of the two ambulances come closer as they moved up the hill through the lingering mist and turned in at the hospital entrance. As the first backed into the bay, Robert moved forward to hurry the elderly woman through to Resus.
When the back doors of the second ambulance opened moments later, Nathan and Annie helped the paramedics manoeuvre the stretcher out, ready to speed the badly injured patient inside. One of the paramedics was keeping pressure on an open wound in the man’s right thigh, temporarily stemming what Nathan could see was a bad bleed.
As Annie led the way to Resus, she looked at him, and he recognised in her the same charge of adrenalin and call to duty that sang in his own veins. Then her dark blue eyes narrowed briefly, and her voice was cool and professional.
‘Right, Nathan, let’s see how good a doctor you still are.’
‘Be careful issuing challenges, Annie,’ he murmured, keeping his voice low, so no one else could hear, seeing the surprise and alarm on her face as she hesitated. ‘In the days and weeks ahead I plan to show you what you walked away from and what you are missing out on. And I’m not just talking about my medical skills.’
Aware he had shaken her, he left Annie to mull over his words. Snapping back into professional mode as the paramedics wheeled the stretcher inside the designated resus bay, and the patient was transferred to the trolley bed, his focus was now solely on the man who needed the team’s attention and medical know-how.
Dealing with Annie—and confronting their past—would have to wait a little longer.
CHAPTER TWO
ANNIE was shaking as she followed Nathan inside Resus Bay Two. If only she hadn’t been foolish enough to issue that meaningless challenge. Now she fretted over his words, worried about what he had meant. Surely he didn’t think there could be anything left between them? Anxiety tightened inside her, and she cursed herself for allowing him to fluster her, derail her. The last thing she needed was to have to work closely with Nathan in the days ahead.
‘This is Len Gordon. Age fifty-nine. Multiple lower limb fractures, plus femoral break and bleed. Query possible damage to his pelvis. He’s in shock and his blood pressure is low.’
Annie forced herself to set her private concerns aside, and listened as the paramedics finished their report on the patient’s condition, running through GCS score, level of consciousness at the scene and since, BP, respiration, pulse rate and oxygen saturation, plus details of the fluids and drugs already given. Her job as Team Leader was to coordinate rather than be hands-on, so she stood back and watched as the trauma team swung smoothly into action, each focusing on their individual role yet combining as one unit. Once the initial examination had been made, she would be called upon to make decisions about what to do next.
The department’s resus teams were well prepared, and the best Annie had worked with. While the anaesthetic nurse was calming and reassuring the patient, getting what details she could from the distressed, confused man and keeping him informed about what was going on, the anaesthetist concentrated on securing Len’s airway, breathing and circulation.
Annie checked the ECG and vital function monitors one of the nurses was attaching to the patient. She listened carefully as Len’s clothes were cut off and Nathan carried out his primary survey, with each member of the team calling out necessary information. The designated scribe recorded everything on the Trauma Sheet, including relevant timings, plus drugs, fluids and treatments given.
‘Airway clear, bilateral air entry…both lungs sound fine. Pupils normal and reactive. No sign of any upper body, neck or spinal injuries.’
Annie acknowledged the information, gathering updates on Len’s blood pressure, pulse, sats and respiration rate. Gus, aided by Gail, had gained additional IV access, and was administering the fluids Annie had requested to counteract Len’s shock and blood loss. Gus had also drawn up blood for cross-matching and for the tests she asked for, including full blood count, urea and electrolyte concentrations, as well as blood gases. A nurse runner was ready to go to the lab for those tests not able to be done in Resus, to request the cross-matching and order units of blood.
‘Gus, can you see to a urinary catheter next?’ Annie asked.
The young doctor nodded, accepting the items he needed from the trolley Gail had made ready before the patient’s arrival. ‘I’m on it now.’
‘Thanks.’
‘We’re going to need that orthopod down here.’
The sound of Nathan’s voice caused a ripple of awareness to run through her, but Annie fought against her reaction to him. ‘What have you got?’ she asked, moving closer as he delivered his verdict on the patient’s lower limb injuries.
‘Open tib and fib fractures of both lower legs, dislocation of the right patella, and the right femur is broken…probably in two places. X-rays will confirm the extent of the damage. We also need an idea of any pelvic injury before he can go up to surgery, but first I need to stem the femoral bleed at the site of this deep laceration,’ Nathan informed her, concentrating on his task to halt the haemorrhage in the man’s right thigh.
Annie couldn’t help but admire Nathan’s skill and calm composure. He was just as special a doctor as she remembered, always unflappable, whatever the extent and urgency of the crisis. She trusted him completely in terms of his clinical judgement, technique and treatment of patients. It was his treatment of her heart that had been so lacking. Thrusting that painful thought aside, she ensured that the replacement fluids were running correctly, then checked the stats and the time elapsed since the patient had been under their care.
‘How’s the bleed?’
‘Under control now. I just need to get this tied off. Thanks, Holly,’ Nathan added, as the competent young staff nurse assisted him. ‘Len’s going to need a lot of work in Theatre.’ He glanced up, and her breath caught for a second as she met his gaze. ‘I’d recommend a femoral nerve block.’
‘Yes, I agree. Then we can get his legs splinted before X-ray.’
Nathan accepted the syringe Holly handed him, checked the dosage, then deftly inserted the needle, injecting lidocaine in a fan pattern in the thigh. ‘Any idea how long the radiographer will be, Annie?’
‘I’m here,’ a voice announced, and Francesca Scott strode into the resus bay, pulling on her protective lead apron.
Tall and athletic, a riot of red corkscrew curls somehow constrained in the thick plait that fell to her waist, Francesca was unfairly dubbed the Ice Maiden by some of the hospital staff. Annie had always got on well with the other woman, however, and admired her friend’s skill and kindness to her patients.
Despite her more senior role, Annie remained silent and allowed Nathan to outline the extent of Len’s injuries. Once the femoral block had done its job, and splints had been fitted, Francesca went to work using the overhead emergency X-ray equipment now in use in the A and E department. As well as the standard precautionary lateral cervical spine and frontal chest images, she took specific pictures of Len’s pelvis and legs.
‘Can you scan his abdomen and pelvic region, too?’ Annie asked. ‘We’re querying any internal blood loss.’
Using the portable ultrasound, Francesca complied with the request, and within minutes the X-ray and scan images came up on the diagnostic screen.
‘The leg fractures are clear and extensive. But there’s no sign of pelvic fracture or internal bleeding, and no free fluids in the abdominal cavity. I think it’s just bruising,’ Francesca suggested, moving aside so that Annie and Nathan could assess the various images for themselves.
Annie frowned. The X-rays were pretty gruesome. One fibula had jagged splits and fragments in several places, while the other, and both tibias, had multiple but thankfully cleaner breaks. As Nathan had predicted, the right femur had snapped in two places—mid-shaft and just above the knee that had dislocated, its patella misplaced high and to one side, the joint swollen and distorted.
Annie was acutely aware of Nathan close to her. For an unguarded moment she found herself leaning in to inhale his unique and subtle musky aroma, masculine, sensuous and once so familiar. Horrified at her weakness, she straightened and struggled to concentrate on her job. She studiously watched the monitor readings, calling for more blood units as Len was slow to respond to the fluids he’d been given.
Thankfully, the orthopaedic registrar arrived then, tutting over the X-rays. ‘We’ll operate straight away,’ he said, before setting off with copies of the notes and images to brief his department’s senior consultant.
‘OK,’ Annie called, organising her team for their final duties. ‘Let’s get ready to transfer Len up to surgery. Thanks, Francesca. Good job, everyone.’
A further flurry of activity ensued before Len, stable but serious, was on his way to the theatre team, who would take over his care and do all they could to repair the damage to his legs.
Having taken off her protective clothing, Annie went with Holly to see the family, to explain what had happened and what was going to be done during surgery. She left Holly to escort the anxious relatives upstairs to the waiting area in the surgical suite, while she returned to Resus, noting that the first bay was still occupied. Robert and his team were still battling to save the elderly woman whose heart problems had led to the accident.
Her own team had already dispersed, to deal with less serious casualties in the main department, while a nurse remained to ensure Resus Bay Two was prepared for the next emergency. Annie paused a moment, unsettled by her feelings as she looked at Nathan. He was sitting on a stool, finishing his notes, but he smiled when he saw her, causing an uncomfortable knot to form in her chest.
‘It’s only my second day here, but already I am very impressed by the whole department.’
‘We’re a close-knit unit,’ she agreed, pleased for her colleagues at Nathan’s praise.
She scanned the notes he handed her and signed off on them, clutching the folder to her like a shield as she took a step backwards, aware that they were now alone.
‘It was like old times working with you, Annie. You’ve developed into one hell of a doctor.’ The husky edge to his voice sent a tingle down her spine. ‘And we haven’t lost that natural understanding.’
She had always enjoyed being teamed with Nathan in the past. He was naturally talented, never losing his cool in any situation, and always maintaining his compassion for the patient and his generosity towards the staff working with him. Despite her painful awareness of him, for a while there, engrossed in meeting Len’s needs, it was as if the years apart had never happened. Working in tandem, displaying the kind of instinctive understanding that only grew with trust and time, she and Nathan had been attuned to each other’s thoughts and actions. And that had been scary. She couldn’t allow Nathan to ease back into her life as if nothing had happened. It had hurt too much last time. Bare minutes after seeing him again and she was already vulnerable. She had to do whatever was necessary to protect herself, because no way could she risk her heart taking a second beating.
In consequence, she kept her voice controlled when she replied. ‘All that was a long time ago. I’m surprised you’re not a hotshot consultant by now, Nathan. I thought that was all you wanted,’ she added, unable to keep the bitter edge from her voice, but regretting her challenge as the friendliness faded from Nathan’s expression, his eyes turning hard and shuttered.
‘You had no idea what I wanted, Annie. You never shared my hopes and dreams and fears because you weren’t interested in anything but what you wanted.’
‘That’s not fair.’
‘Really?’ One eyebrow lifted sardonically. ‘What do you know about me? What do you know about my life, my goals, my feelings?’
Alarmed, wishing she had never begun this awful conversation, Annie focused on her own years of hurt. ‘So why did you put up with me then, if I was so selfish?’
‘Because I loved you. Apparently that wasn’t good enough. It had to be your way or no way.’
She stared at him, speechless with shock, both at the pain-laden softness of his words and the fact that he so clearly believed what he’d said. But he hadn’t loved her, an inner voice cried in agonised remembrance. Had he? Tears stung her eyes. If it was true, why had he rejected her? A wave of indignation swelled within her, only to vie with a disconcerting flicker of doubt. Enough doubt that she swallowed the rush of argumentative words that fought for freedom…words she would once have been unable to contain. She was older now. She had a responsible position. She wasn’t going to lower herself by reacting childishly. Squaring her shoulders, she took a steadying breath and refused to respond further, all too worried that Nathan’s accusations would play on her mind in the days ahead.
‘We’re clearly not going to agree, and rehashing things serves no purpose,’ she stated, proud of the coolness she’d managed to inject into her voice, betraying no sign of the way she was shaking inside. ‘I suggest we get back to work. We have other patients to see.’
Eager to put distance between herself and Nathan, she left Resus and returned Len’s case folder to its proper place, so the Trauma Sheet could be photocopied for the in-house notes. She was grateful that the department was so busy, hoping she could lose herself in work and ignore her confused thoughts about Nathan’s troubling reappearance in her life…not to mention his very different recollection about their time together and their distressing parting.
In truth, she had been on edge since Frazer and Callie’s wedding. A doctor and paramedic respectively, on the local air ambulance crew, her friends had married at Strathlochan Castle on Christmas Eve, withAnnie as maid of honour. The day had ended with Callie’s bridal bouquet flying through the air and landing squarely in Annie’s reluctant arms. A shiver ran through her as she relived the moment. At the time she had felt uneasy, as if it was a bad omen instead of the good luck tradition proclaimed. Now, three weeks later, Nathan had shown up, confirming her premonition.
Whilst Annie had been thrilled at her friends’ happiness, their wedding had brought back memories, making her wonder what her own life would have been like had things turned out differently. The reality was that she was now unlikely ever to marry and have the family she had always longed for. Nathan had stolen her dreams when he’d broken her heart, and she would never trust another man again.
Maybe things had happened for the best. She’d certainly progressed much further in her career than she had expected, because she had used hard work as an escape, a comfort, a protection against the pain. The kind of debilitating pain she never wanted to experience again. Even now it hurt too much to think of what could have been—what should have been, had Nathan loved her as much as she had loved him. As much as he now claimed to have done. She had to remember old hurts and be wise to the lessons of the past, lest she fall for Nathan’s charm all over again.