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I felt lucky, as if I had been touched by providence, capable of doing anything, of making my dreams and desires come true.
I left after hugging my colleagues and even a customer who crossed my path and gave everyone a nice smile. I went to a children’s goods store, because I wanted my happiness to be shared with those that are mine, and although I didn’t have much money I wanted to surprise my son so I went to buy him a toy.
Before entering the store, I saw a person selling lottery coupons. I had always been suspicious of those games that take away you salary and also your illu-sions with them, because years and years pass by without winning, neither you nor any family member, despite the gossip that says that they have heard of one person or the other who won but nobody ever knows the person directly.
I bought a number and I left the change to the seller, who delighted me with a poem as a thank you, the poem despite being short was beautiful and so I let him know.
After I went into the store and looking around a lot I decided on a ruben cube, although I knew that my son was more of wrestling toys, it seemed a good en-tertainment that would help you focus on difficult tasks.
Well, to tell the truth, I did not expect him to ever solve it, because when I was younger I tried several times and never succeeded.
I asked the clerk to wrap it for me as a gift and once I paid I went home exci-ted. There was my mother sitting on a chair watching TV and knitting a scarf, even though we did not need it, because we already had a collection, but she liked to weave it and it kept her busy.
After greeting her, I went to my son’s room, where he spent the afternoons. Al-though there was no one to watch him, he knew that I would ask him about his homework in the evening before dinner and I would check if he had done them well. For that reason he divided his time as he wanted into studying and rest time, if he liked he could do his homework first and then spend the rest of the afternoon playing.
When I arrived he was colouring a notebook, seeing me enter he was surprised and looked at a clock in case time had gone without realising and he said,
-Mom, what are you doing here at this time? Are you okay?
-I’m doing great, I’ve only come to see you earlier, to know how you were- I replied with a smile.
- I’m fine, thanks, but you have to go unless they might complain at work, he said hurriedly.
That filled me with pride, knowing that I had such a responsible son.
-Look today I have no more work to do, I have been granted the afternoon off, so if you want we can go to the park for some time.
-I still have homework, he said with a sad face.
-Don’t worry, I’ll help you to finish it later if you come with me.
He quickly released the coloured pencil and with a big smile he threw his arms around my neck and said,
-I love you mom.
This made me feel emotional again, the truth is that everything that a mother could wish was this, seeing my son happy and he telling me these beautiful things.
-Look, I said. Since you have been well behaved , I brought you something.
-What is it? He asked excitedly.
-Open the wrapper and you’ll see I said as I gave him the gift.
He did so quickly and found a cube of six faces, each one of a different colour and looking at all its sides he asked,
- And what is this for?
This put me in a difficult place, because although I had tried to solve it, I did not know what the instructions were or how it was solved, so if he asked me to do a demonstration I could not do it.
-Well …, this … -I said taking my time to find the right words-. Each side con-sists of of the cube having all the cells of the same colour.
My son looked at the sides again and after a moment he said,
-Mom, it has them already, look all the yellow cells are here and on this other side the red ones.
-Yes, right I said, laughing at the occurrence of my son. Wait a minute.
Picking up the cube, I turned the pieces around, I gave it back to him and said,
- Now you have to reorganise it.
He took it between his small hands trying to figure out how those pieces mo-ved and he realised he could only make horizontal or vertical movements, of a row or column. After trying several times and before his desperation I said,
-You can move several columns or rows at a time, that will make the work easier
He looked at me with a face of not being too convinced and started spinning the chips again. I knew that it was going take a good part of his afternoon, so I said,
-Well, leave that aside because we have to go, I’ll ask grandma if she wants to go down too.
I went towards the living room and before I said anything to my mother, my son called me and said,
-Mom, mom, look
I was surprised, because I left him only a few seconds ago , I turned around and to my surprise I saw in his hands the ordered cube and a big smile. I took it to look at every side and after checking that all the colours were well placed, I said,
-Very well done, son. -And I kissed him on the cheek as a reward-. Now take the jacket so you don’t catch a cold.
-Are you going out? My mother asked me, listening to what I had told her grandson.
-Yes, let’s go to the park for a while, they gave me the afternoon off.
- What have you done this time?
-Nothing mom, just that I’m the employee of the week.
-Really? She asked, getting up and opening her arms to give me a hug-. I’m so proud of you, she said putting her arms around me.
I had a strange feeling, we always fought so much and now it seemed she had a big heart, I smiled at her and asked,
- Do you want to go downstairs?
-No thanks, it’s too late for me, I don’t want to catch a cold.
-Okay, take a rest, we will not take more than half an hour.
-I’ll be here, I also want use this time to make dinner, I’m going prepare so-mething really good, you’ll see, it’s going to be very special, my girl is em-ployee of the week.
My son and I went out, there we were playing with a ball, it was rather for him to run and blow off steam, than my sporty interest in football.
I sat for a moment while he kicked against a wall, when a young girl came and sat next to me.
Is he your baby? She asked with a worried face.
-Yes, that’s right, why do you ask? I asked, surprised by her attitude.
-I do not know, does he give you many trouble? She asked again.
-No, well the normal one of his age -I answered with a smile
- What about at the beginning? She asked again uneasily.
-Well, he has always been very calm I barely had any trouble sleeping the first weeks after his birth, other mothers say this is what cost them the most after having their children.
-I’m pregnant, said the little girl, who should not be more than fourteen years.
- Congratulations, I said, giving her a hug.
She did not return the hug, she seemed somewhat self-conscious and I asked her,
-Are you okay?
-I don’t know how to tell my parents, she said fearfully.
-Do you love him? -I asked looking into her eyes.
-Him? Of course, she said with a broad smile.
-I mean your son, I pointed out.
-I don’t know, did you know ? - she returned the question.
-My circumstances were different, I was already married and we had been trying to be pregnant for two years, it was a blessing for us.
-You are so lucky, I don’t know how he is going to react, I’m afraid that he will leave me for this.
- Do not think that way, besides men are the way they are, they do not need reasons to leave you. Look at me, everything was fine between us, our boy was growing up healthy and one blessed day he went out saying he was going to look for a job and he never came back.
- Something might have happened to him, said the young girl, looking scared.
-Nothing bad I assure you, he called me a few weeks after saying that he had gone to another city to start a new life, he longed for his bachelor freedom and wanted to recover it.
- And he left you with the child? She asked worriedly.
-Yes, we are getting ahead thanks to my mom who takes care of him when I’m at work. -I answered with a smile.
- I don’t know if my parents would help me if I have the baby, she said worrie-dly.
-Parents are usually quite stubborn and insist on imposing their way of thin-king on us, but in the end you are the one who must live your life and if you decide to raise they child they must accept it, no matter how hard it is for them - I said putting a hand on her shoulder.
-That’s easy to say, by the way, is it true that it changes your life?
- What changes your life? I asked before answering the question she made in a whisper.
-After delivery, is it true that afterwards you don’t feel anything when you are doing it?
-No, who told you that? I asked surprised.
-I don’t know, in school they say since everything changes, what is under also changes and then you feel nothing.
-No way, it feels the same -I said in a reassuring tone.
- And don’t the breasts fall? She asked me again embarrassed.
-That’s a matter of age, you’ll see when you reach your twenties or thirties, whether you like it or not you’re going to have to wear a bra if you want to keep them up.
-But they say that breastfeeding make them fall earlier.
-There is nothing wrong with that, believe me, as I said, for all of us, I repeat, all of us , the time comes when they don’t stand up anymore, it depends on each person if it will be earlier or later, for some it may be while raising child, others might be because of wearing too tight bras or simply because of the pass of time.
- Does it hurts as much as you see in movies? She asked uneasily.
- The moment of delivery? I asked to be sure of her doubt.
-Yes she answered while nodding.
-Well, it hurts a lot, but that’s what the child birth exercises are for , you are been taught how to dilate and breathe at the same time, then it’s just a matter of effort and a lot of pushing.
-But does it hurts? she insisted in this question.
-It hurts a lot, but you later forget about it, I said fondly.
- How do you forget? She asked surprised.
-Yes, of course, my gynaecologist explained that before the moment of con-tractions, the brain has a mechanism of erasing those painful memories, be-cause if this wasn’t the case, no one would ever have more than one child as a result of the bad memory that moment gives but this is not like this.
-Well, I don’t even know if I want to have my first child, so I don’t consider having another, she said thoughtfully.
-Don’t hurry, everything will come if you and your partner want it, I said with a sincere smile.
-But …, what if he leaves me? What am I going to do? What if my parents don’t like this and reject me? How am I going to live? She asked scared.
- You see, first you have to decide whether telling your parents or not, make them understand the situation, and that they give you their support as their obligation as parents.
Then talk to your partner, who will surely be excited to know that you will ha-ve his child. But as always you have to respect his freedom, if he decides to leave you don’t worry, it will be a sign that he doesn’t deserve you- I said cal-mly.
-I don’t know, if you say so, and you have already gone through this, it seems fine by me, although what worries me the most is that everyone noticed and that I cannot disguise it with big clothes.
-You don’t need to hide it, it is not something you should be ashamed of, it is a great blessing that you have received, to be able to participate in the miracle of creation - I said with joy seeing that my words made an effect on that girl who was now calm.
On my way after leaving behind that nice woman with her child who played football in the park, I was repeating to myself everything she had told me, es-pecially that part I liked that I was a contribution to the task of creation, I had not seen it this way before.
That woman, without knowing me, had solved many of my doubts about preg-nancy and the effects on my body, even though I was still looking at my body to be too flat to be able to have a child.
I have been used to seeing well-formed women with big breasts feed those hu-ge babies, how would such a baby fit inside of me ? I don’t have the conditions of having a baby.
Despite what that lady had just told me, I panicked, but I didn’t listen to it, I went back home, went to the kitchen where my mother was preparing dinner and said,
-Mum, I have a good and a bad news, which one do you want first?
She had already heard me speak to her that way before and did not pay much attention to me and after a moment of silence that seemed eternal, I told her,
-I’m pregnant.
She heard this and what she had in her hand fell off making a big noise on the plate. That scared me, because I thought that my mother could hit me or scold me, I was scared so I took a step back, but instead, she approached me with a big smile, hugged me and said,
- My little girl, who has already become a woman, how come I didn’t realise that you have grown so fast?
I was still feeling insecure about the situation, because I wasn’t sure if this was a sign that she agreed with what I said or she felt sorry for my situation, so I asked her,
- Aren’t you angry?
-No, not at all, my girl, she said, kissing my forehead.
I returned a big hug, feeling calmer now, still afraid of the future ahead of me, I didn’t even know if my partner was going to accept what I had inside, but now I was sure that I had the support of my mother.
-Let me be the one to tell your father tonight during dinner- she said in a soft voice.
-Is it necessary? I asked uneasily, looking her in the eyes.
-Don’t worry ,I’ll be delicate when I mention it -she answered winking at me.
I was much more relieved after telling my mum, although I had not been too subtle but I preferred to be blunt because of the importance of the topic.
I went to my room, undressed to change and took the opportunity to look at myself in the mirror; I looked at myself from the side and did not notice anything, I placed my hand on my stomach, trying to figure out where that small being was but I didn’t feel anything.
I took a cushion and put it on my belly, then I put on a blouse and I looked at myself again in the mirror, I didn’t like that silhouette, it made me look fat and I’m sure it would weigh too much.
I had always measured my eating, avoided fats and bread so as not to get fat, and now my figure was going to change so monstrously and I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it.
I’m sure when this advances I will not be able to practice as much sport as I like, run in the park or to do an hour of static bicycle; and when the doctors send me absolute rest in bed, I will get much fatter, besides that it is very bo-ring.
Now I remember I have not said anything to my mother about who the father was, she had assumed that I had a stable partner and that it was his, although I did not want to contradict her at any point I will have to tell her the truth.
This was strange, I felt guilty for having something inside me that no one had prepared me for, when I got the loving acceptance of my mother, she had made me stay calm. I finished dressing up and I went to the dinning and when I fi-nished my dad said
-Hello to the whole family, you must know that today I am a lucky man.
- Why do you say that? my mother asked, surprised at his joy.
-You should see the lottery man, he was plethoric, he guaranteed that today he felt happy, and that this could be a sign that he was going to distribute a prize so I bought him two numbers.
-Two for what? I asked with a smile.
- One for your mother and one for the home.
-For the home? I asked, surprised.
-It spends as much as your mother, with all the bills we have to pay, he said, nodding and guiding my mother’s eye.
-Well, well, sit down, it seems that you’re right and I’m going and you are going to win the lottery -said my mother when she turned around and smiled at me.
I understood what he was referring to, my mother was softening the situation to tell him, I was very quiet during dinner, although my father did not realise until a certain moment when he said,
- Daughter, you look radiant today, did anything happen to you?
- No really dad, well to tell you the truth when I was walking in the park back from school I sat for a moment and there was a lady with her son, and I don’t know why she transmitted a lot of joy to me.
- It would be good to meet such people every day- my father remarked.
We continued having dinner, talking about banal issues, it seemed to be co-ming to an end and my mother had not told him yet, so I made a sign with my head to tell her and she answered with a nodding of her head. My father realis-ed and asked in a suspicious tone,
- Do you have something to tell me?
-Well, it’s more about mommy -I answered looking at her.
-Me? She asked, surprised by my response.
-Well, I mean it’s about me, but mom is going to tell you, I said rectifying.
-Well…. yes … she said haltingly. Let me see how to tell you.
- Go straight to the point, please, it’s late and I’m a bit tired, and although I’m happy about the lottery, I’d like to rest watching a movie before going to bed.
-Don’t worry I’m not going to take away too much of your time
I simply think that you have already won the lottery- my mother said quickly, almost without being understood.
-What do you mean ?, it has not been played yet, until nine o’clock the lot is not going to be held, replied my father, surprised.
-No, it’s another lottery- my mother said in a low voice.
-What other lottery? … don’t tell me … that you’re pregnant.
My mother was surprised by her husband’s words and quickly said,
-No, no, it’s the baby.
-The … baby … -he said with surprise.
I did not say anything, I just smiled at him. He seemed confused or rather sca-red, a little disconcerted, as he got up from the table and went around the room and after a while he came back and asked my mother,
- Does she know?
-Sure, dad, it’s me who told mom, I said with a smile.
- Ah, of course how else, he said clearly affected. But … how? … no don’t tell me.
-Quiet, you knew that sooner or later I was going to happen, she is a woman- said my mum supporting me
- Right … well … yes … but I thought it would happen in another way, that she would find a boy, get married and start a family, just as we did.
- I have someone who loves me, I said, believing that it would make him hap-py.
But nothing was heard for a moment, it was a strange situation, because we all seemed happy for one reason or another, and what I thought was going to be the cause of anger at home did not go beyond an initial fright and little more.
Now my parents were thinking about how to face the new situation, without worrying about what the neighbours or society would say .
Before talking to that woman in the park, I thought that having a child was a tragedy, that it hurt a lot and marked your life, limiting it and making you al-most a slave to your child, with no time for yourself.
But that woman had told me about all the positive aspects of being a mother, besides she looked very happy with her son.
What I now feared the most was that the father of the child would go away from my side when he found out about the news, although remembering the words of that woman at the park it had become clear to me that the man who flees does so sooner or later and does not need excuses for it.
The truth is that now I felt strangely calm, because I saw my two most dearest things to me, my parents, accepting what I thought would be a shame for them; even my father, who was more conservative in his thinking, had not recrimi-nated me at all.
While in these thoughts my father said,
-I need a family hug.
The three of us hugged each other strongly and I felt strengthened in my situa-tion, they might not like the idea or they needed more time to assimilate it, they might know what would happen to me in the future, but they accepted and supported me with that gesture , which was precisely what I wanted most.
-Well, we’d like to see your boyfriend, we have to talk man to man -said my father after a few moments of hug.
-But I don’t know if he would like to meet you, - I said hesitantly.
-Why not? -Asked my mother surprised.
-Well, he has a modern thinking and he believes that knowing parents is not until when you want to get engaged so in the meantime there is no need to.
- You have not told him yet? -my mother asked seeing my excuses.
-No, I wanted to see how you would react first, before facing my boyfriend-I said nervously.
- It’s important for him to know - said my father said in a reassuring voice.
- Okay, give me some minutes to call him- I said as I went to my room.
From there I called the boy I had been dating only a couple of years, but I thought he was the love of my life, I felt that way and I had told him many ti-mes.
-Hi, sweetie, how are you?
-I’m fine baby, tell me, what do you need?
-I just wanted to hear your voice, tell me, when are we seeing this week?
- You caught me very busy, you know, I’m with guys here in the workshop, we’re preparing a new bike to see if we can win the local races to qualify.
-That’s okay, but I’d like to tell you something.
-Well, tell me, I’m all yours.
-It has to be in person, it’s important.
-I don’t know baby, look, if you like I have a little bit of time now, but I want it to be quick, so nobody complains.
-All right let me tell my parents and I will be right there.
-I’ll be waiting for you, precious.
- See you love.
I hung up, left my room to tell my parents, they thought it was okay and they were happy for my courage, I don’t know if it was such or just the need to sha-re something so beautiful with the person I was in love with.
I got to the passage in a hurry and I met a neighbour with her small dog, this was a sad lady who we barely saw in the street, because she preferred to go out in the afternoons to take a walk with her dog, and did not keep too much con-tact with the other neighbours .
-Good afternoon, I said with a smile as I held the elevator door.
-Hello girl, where are you going in such a hurry? She replied as she entered.
-To see my boyfriend -I answered with a smile.
-Youthfulness, blessed youth age, I still remember when my husband went to work and I stayed at home preparing food waiting for him to come back home to give him a great kiss
Have you been together for many years? I asked surprised to know she had a partner.
- Almost twenty years, before he had the accident.
- An accident, I’m sorry, I said with regret.
-Yes, since then things have not being the same and then, little by little I was losing him.
I did not understand what she was meant, but I preferred not getting deep into it, knowing that it was painful, at that moment the dog began to bark and as it was a small space it resonated in the cabin.
-Be quiet, beautiful, Be quiet, the owner said to her dog.
-What’s wrong? I asked surprised.
-It is very sensitive, it quickly perceive women that are pregnant.
That disconcerted me, I had never heard anything like it. I did know that dogs that work in customs detected smells of bombs or drugs, or in the army detec-ted badly wounded people buried under the ruins of an earthquake, but never heard of something like this. I must have turned red, because the older woman told me,