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-Don’t worry, it’s a blessing, we waited for it so long and it never came. If I had had at least one, I’m sure that my life would have been very different.
That saddened me, because it is true that many couples, for one reason or another, even wishing to have them they can’t have children, instead, me without expecting it I was going to have a new being in my arms, which at first had seemed sad for me but now I was very happy to see how it was something positive and desired by others.
-Well, tell me, girl, have you already given her a name?
- No, ma’am, I just found out I am pregnant and I still do not know if it’s a boy or a girl.
I had not think about it, I have been too worried waiting for other people’s reaction, my parents and my partner, that I had not taken time to think about the baby, which after all was going to be the most important thing in my life for the next nine months and in the following years.
-I don’t know, it looks like she’s a girl, a beautiful girl, the older woman told me.
-How do you know? I asked, stunned by her comment.
-You know a lot of things at my age, it shows on your face- she replied with a wink.
I did not know how that woman whom I would have seen many times, but have spoken to her only once or twice in my life, now knew so much about me, maybe as she said it was all written on my face, and only those that knew how to read it would know. We got downstairs and the old lady came out saying
-Take care of him, for you have received a blessing, give him all the love you can for he will give it back to you back times ten.
That been said, I went with the dog to the park, the truth is that I felt good, that little girl had given me a great joy, because she looked so clean and innocent.
I would have wanted to be like her when I got married, but those were diffi-cult times of economic crisis when we had no luxury and I think that was why we didn’t have any children.
My husband and I were always talking about the same thing, about how expen-sive it would be to have a child in such a difficult time, we would talk about the expenses that it would generate us and especially about how we would see the child, very little as we both were working.
I think that was why we did not have a child, neither of us were willing to give up a part of our lives to have a little time and dedicate it to caring for a new member in the family.
At that time I had no dog, neither the means to take care of it, because I would wake up very early, even more than my husband, I would prepare his clothes and make breakfast, we had breakfast together and then he went to work at the factory and I to the hairdressers.
The amount of hairs that I had cut, unraveled curls and dyed wicks, this despi-te occupying a large part of the day made me happy, because that was where I would talk to my friends, also when I was fortunate of having a cheerful cus-tomer that made the hours shorter.
This is how I learnt how to find out people’s secrets by their faces, since this after all is a reflection of who we are, what we want and also what we hide.
So many hours listening to the customers, observing their faces in the mirror to see if I made a straight cut, that it made it easier for me later to guess if they had a good or bad day as soon as they entered the door.
Later on, my subtlety increased and I could know without her telling me anything, if she had quarrelled with her husband or son, if she had a new love or if he had left her.
It’s so much that my colleagues named me little witch and it was me who so-me customers came looking for, even if they had a beautiful hair, they wanted me to take care of their hair and thus use the opportunity to tell me about their lives.
Little by little I acquired that skill also on the street, although I never wanted to ask people if what I saw in them was true.
In spite of that, it has given me great joy to know that it still worked for me, to be able to know what was going on with this girl that I crossed in the elevator and that she later confirmed.
To tell the truth, at first I did not expect someone so young could be, but I had seen it so clear, I am truly happy for her.
With this joy in my body I kept walking my dog , focused in my thoughts, when it finished running around a bit and doing it’s business, I tied him again and we went up to the apartment. The dog despite being small made me feel quite big, though sometimes I had wanted to move and leave this place, I thought it was more about cowardness than a necessity.
I knew that in any other place I would find myself better than where I was now, but I also knew that I would miss it so much that I didn’t want to live far away.
It was the house that we had when we got married, the only one we have ever lived in after leaving my parents’ house, I had always wanted to travel and know the world before getting married, studying and having a good job were my goals in life, but circumstances ruled and they were very different from what I wanted.
A good man one day came to me after mass, he told me that he had been wat-ching me and that he wanted to meet my parents. In spite of how unusual that was it did not bother me, so I introduced him to them, the man after making himself known, said he was interested in me and asked for permission to talk to me.
That was a great joy me, because although I had fantasied a lot and flirt around with one boy or the other, never before had a man noticed me as a partner.
My parents, at first suspicious of his young age, asked him about his studies and his family. As best as he could, he got out of that trap and did it quite well, as he was then given permission to see me.
Those were difficult times for a relationship, not like now that you just agree to meet and that is it, then, a family member or a friend had to join us so that we would not be alone and so we would not misbehave.
But after seeing each other two or three times, we figured out a way to be out alone, he brought a family member and I brought a friend as companions and they fit and got along so well that one day we told them,
-If you like we can give you time to be alone while we leave.
And that’s how we got to have our first moments alone, by the way, my friend and her husband are happily married, although it’s been long I heard of them since they moved out of town, but last time we saw them, they had two pre-cious children.
I went to the kitchen to get something to eat, the truth is that I hardly ever felt like eating anything, despite forcing myself every day, because on more than one occasion I had to be hospitalised as a result of anaemia.
After having dinner while watching the television, I put on the radio for a whi-le, although I did not listen to it too much because I was not interested in what was said, it serve me as a company.
It was nice to hear human voice in that house, although I did not get to do as others did, talk and reply the radio announcer as if he were there.
We shared many years and also much suffering here was contained, some of my friends told me it was like a mausoleum, because I kept almost everything just like when my husband was still alive, but what they did not know is that in one way or the other I was still waiting for him.
After the car accident and the subsequent rehabilitation, my husband had been affected by a concussion, from time to time he had memory gaps, as the doc-tors said, and he did not remember the past, but the most serious thing was when the time lapse started in the present, he forgot where he was or who he was with.
That was very hard, because it was a daily struggle for him to remember me, renewing the love with someone who barely recognised me.
I suffered a lot in silence, thanking God for the luck of having him by my side despite his sickness, but one day he did not return. He walked out the door one weekend when we were about to eat and I didn’t hear anymore of him, a few hours later I called his friends and nobody knew where he could be and I be-come afraid, I called the police, hospitals and all the places that occurred to me but nobody knew anything about him.
A day without him, then a week, a month, a year and that’s how my life has been since then, waiting for him to come back, hoping he would say that “ho-ney, I’m home”.
With time I got used to being alone, until a friend gave me a puppy, it was so small and so beautiful that I could not say no and so I looked after him as the child we never had wishing that my husband would see it if he ever returned .
The truth is that I did not feel sad, that stage of my life had already passed, now I was quite calm, full of vitality, I don’t know why that girl had filled me with love, I think that was it, what she herself felt for her son, it was what I had in me.
I turned off the radio and lay down to rest with a big smile on my face, the truth is that it was the best ending of day I had ever had in many years and with a smile I fell asleep.
CHAPTER 2. SECOND DAY
I knew that I only had two days left before leaving the city, and yesterday I had done very little, only get on a bus to explore its streets and know the place.
Now I had the most difficult task, to reach the largest number of people, befo-re leaving, so that the effects on these people would expand as if it were a vi-rus, but this time it would be a positive virus, happiness.
I knew that my mission was important and that time played against me so I left the motel and went to the bus stop. After waiting for a long time sitting down, a labourer passed by who was holding a wheel rim and he said,
- You are waiting in vain, haven’t you heard about the riot ?, The the whole centre has been shot down, no vehicle is going to pass by here today, it is bet-ter you stay at home.
That seemed incredible to me, I do not know why whenever I went to a city, for one reason or another, it seemed that the circumstances were allied to ma-ke my job difficult.
I still remember when in a city there was a Tsunami simulacrum, it was a very quiet coastal city where there was little to no chance of such a situation to happen, but for the first time in the history of that city, they chose the day I was in the city to do the simulacrum.
Like that time fire broke out in the old part of the city and a good part of the main artery remained closed for circulation, as a result of the fear of the fla-mes spreading through the adjoining wooden buildings.
There has almost always been an understandable motive, but unexpected, as if someone didn’t like the work I did, or that one time a group of motor riders, as if it were a pilgrimage, collapsed the entire city .
Personally, I did not care if there were a lot of people, because it made my task easier, because it expands the effects earlier, but it’s a different thing when I cannot touch anyone because they are on a motorcycle.
Then I can not start my task, it is like a piece of domino that transfers one af-ter the other, and the more people, the more people get infected.
I just needed to touch someone who voluntarily accepted my gift, and then all is settled, because that person would transmit his or her happiness to everyone they find or was close to them less than a metre of distance. I was surprised but the fact that I could not reach people, but knowing that my fate was to walk, I decided to do so when I heard,
-Don’t act like that, the man said, dropping the tire on the floor. If you’re such in a hurry you just have to tell me, and I’ll take you.
-You would? I asked in amazement.
-Of course, that’s what people of good will are for, to help each other when they need it, wait a minute.
Right after he went down a narrow street, and after a while he came back with a pretty old car, which was falling apart. The man opened the passenger door from inside and said,
-Excuse my oldie, is just that I am repairing it little by little, but don’t worry in a few years I will be just as new.
- I hope it does not go very fast - I said to him jokingly.
- Don’t worry that it doesn’t go over forty, otherwise it starts bringing out smoke, and we will not be able to see anything, by the way, where are you going?
-I am looking for a church that is open, do you know of any?
- Oh my, all the ones I know are behind the manifestation, all … except for one. It is old and small, but it was my favourite one, I have not been in that area for a long time. I was born there nearby you know, and I was baptised in that church. I did not do the rest of the sacraments, but God is not going to find out, right? He asked jokingly.
-He is supposed to be everywhere, I replied without laughing at his joke.
-Well, yes, but do you think he is going to pay attention to a humble mechanic whose only ambition is to repair a tacky car?
-Good man, I pointed out.
-Well, I do what I can, but as I say, church does not suit me.
- You don’t have to apologise, we al have felt hurt sometimes or betrayed when plans do not come out as we expect.
-Yes, indeed, you wouldn’t understand.
-Who is it? I asked expectantly.
- What?
- Whose loss do you feel sorry for?
-I don’ know if it’s a pity, sometimes I think it’s rage or impotence, the man said, squeezing the steering wheel very hard.
-But God is not guilty of it, he only lets his creatures act, he does not choose the moment.
-That’s not enough for me, I prayed a lot, I even asked him to take me and lea-ve my love behind. He did not even give us time to get married, even though I wanted it.
- Why didn’t you?
-She fell into a coma, after a high blood pressure, she was diabetic and nobody had told us. It was a hot day, I can still remember how the air seemed to burn. We had the windows of the house wide open, I was waiting for her parents to visit, so I could ask them her hand in marriage.
She wanted to come home earlier to prepare everything because she wanted me to make a good impression on them. She went shopping, and that day the lift wasn’t working, so she had to climb the stairs.
Arriving home, she left the groceries in the kitchen, gave me a kiss and told me that she was going to relax a while, that she needed to rest.
I was preparing some canapés, and putting the groceries in the refrigerator, and when I finished, I set the table for lunch, and in the small living room where I had the TV and my in laws would sit, I put some trays with something to eat.
Everything was ready, and I was surprised that my wife did not come back be-cause that’s how I considered her despite that fact that our engagement was not yet official. I went to look for her in the bedroom, and I saw her sleeping peacefully, I went out and left her a little while longer, until her parents arri-ved.
I opened the door for them, and knowing that they would take some time until they came up because the lift was not working, I used the opportunity to call her, so she could prepare, but she did not respond.
-Come on darling, you have to get up, they’re going to come up at any moment I said trying to make a hurry.
But she seemed deeply asleep, I approached her and with a kiss I tried to wake her, but she did not move either, so I shook her gently, and not even at that. What worried me the most was that her breathing did not change and seemed very soft and weak.
I got scared and started to shake her harder, I called emergency, and the next thing was that the emergency doctor told me that she was in a coma.
I didn’t understand how this could have happened, I told them she was a healthy girl, that she exercised once in a while and ate very well.
-That’s not the problem, her body was not working well, and she never recei-ved treatment, said the doctor.
-But we did not know anything, at least she never told me.
-This type of case is very common, the discomfort of diseases, sometimes ca-mouflage adapting to the rhythm of life depending on own’s possibilities, and thus without any effort it seems that everything is fine.
-So, she could have been ill for a long time?
-I can’t give you total assurance, but I think so.
- And why did this happen? I insisted in asking.
- Do you know if she had breakfast this morning?
I asked her parents who had followed me, and as me, were devastated by the shock, and they told me that she didn’t eat anything that morning, nor at noon, because she said that she was so nervous that her stomach was empty.
The doctor told me even before I could ask him.
-That could be the cause.
-And the lift? Said her father.
-Which lift? Asked the doctor.
-It was not working today, we live in the eighth floor and she had to climb with the groceries.
The doctor lowered his head and said,
-I would not be surprised if what happened was the conjunction of these two or more factors.
-And now what? -I asked.
-Now it is a matter of waiting, we have given her treatment, with a little luck her body will recover.
- Will she not have sequels? Asked the father.
-We cannot know yet, it’s very soon, let us study her a little more and we will inform you of the results.
That’s how it all ended, at that moment I felt very guilty for not giving her all my attention when she came back home loaded, if I had given her a glass of water, maybe she would be alright now, or simply if I had changed our en-gagement day to another day when the lift was not broken, it would have been enough. And the food…, because she had not eaten.
We had already spoken about everything, and her parents agreed, it was just a formality, to meet and eat some pasta and nothing else, why had she not eaten anything? She did not tell me she was nervous about anything, nor did she tell me she was feeling bad when she arrived.
I gave it a lot of thought, but above all the idea of wanting to marry her any-way possible. I knew it was not the best time to talk to her parents about this subject, butt I thought that could help her recover.
I had heard of people who had come back from the coma, after listening to their favourite singer’s song, or when a dear person spoke to them, maybe, if we got married, and she listened to the words of the priest, she would react, if only to say, “Yes, I do”.
The idea seemed absurd to me, but I could not get it out of my mind. I ap-proached her father, and I told him how excited she was for our commitment and that she would have loved to get married soon.
The man started crying as soon as I mentioned her, so I preferred not to say anything. I asked a nurse, where the chapel was. And I went to sit down, it was a small room where there were some benches to pray.
So I did, and I prayed for her, and I offered my life in return and whatever else I had or could do. When I was calm and that moment the priest was coming in, I took that opportunity to tell him about the situation and what I had thought and he told me,
- Son, it’s not going to be possible, as long as she’s in that state, she does not own her will, so I cannot marry you.
-But …, what if that saves her?
-If she does not give her consent it has no validity before God -that been said he picked up something and left the place.
I was somewhat annoyed at the priest, for denying me what I most wanted, and I asked for the same thing again in my prayer, adding that he should let me marry the person I loved, but I received no response.
After a moment I got up and went to the waiting room where I had left her pa-rents, but they were not there, I was surprised and I asked a man there after them and he told me that a doctor had called them in a hurry.
I went in, but a nurse asked me,
- Where are you going?
-I don’t know, I was told that something has happened to my wife, because they hurriedly called my in-laws.
-It must be the woman who was in a coma.
-Yes, she is, when I heard that, my heart sank, because I understood that she was already out of the coma, where can I find her?
-You will have to talk to your doctor first, follow the passage straight and then the door at the left.
So I did, and before arriving I saw her parents crying, I approached and I wan-ted to ask them, but they made a gesture of not wanting me to get close, so I respected them. That reaction surprised me. I did not understand what was going on if the nurse had told me that she had recovered. Why were they beha-ving like that?
I entered the room and saw the doctor filling out a form at the foot of the bed, and a white sheet that covered my wife from her feet to her head.
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