Pride and Prejudice, a play founded on Jane Austen's novel

PERSONS OF THE PLAY

MR. DARCY – (of Pemberley, Derbyshire). "Possessed of a fine tall person, handsome features, noble mien, and … ten thousand a year … clever … haughty, reserved and fastidious; his manners, though well-bred, were not inviting. 'Some people call him proud,' said Mrs. Reynolds, the housekeeper at Pemberley, 'but I am sure I never saw anything of it… He is the best landlord and the best master that ever lived.'"

MR. BINGLEY – (of Netherfield, Hertfordshire, Darcy's Friend). "Just what a young man ought to be; sensible and good-humoured, lively … such happy manners! So much ease, with such perfect good breeding… Also handsome, which a young man ought likewise to be if he possibly can."

COLONEL FITZWILLIAM – (Cousin to Darcy). "About thirty, not handsome, but in person and address most truly the gentleman."

MR. BENNET – (of Longbourn). "An odd mixture of quick parts, sarcastic humour, reserve and caprice. He was fond of the country and of books, and from these tastes had arisen his principal enjoyments."

MR. COLLINS – (a Cousin of Mr. Bennet, and Next in the Entail of Longbourn Estate.) "A tall, heavy-looking young man of five-and-twenty. His air was grave and stately, and his manners very formal. His veneration for his patroness, Lady Catherine de Bourg, mingling with a very good opinion of himself and of his authority as a clergyman … made him altogether a mixture of pride and obsequiousness, self-importance and humility."

SIR WILLIAM LUCAS – (an Intimate Friend and Neighbour of the Bennets). "Formerly in trade in Meryton … he had risen to the honour of knighthood by an address to the King during his mayoralty. The distinction had … given him a disgust to his business, and, … quitting it, he had removed … to Lucas Lodge, where he could think with pleasure of his own importance, and … occupy himself solely in being civil to all the world."

COLONEL FORSTER – (the Colonel of the Regiment Stationed at Meryton).

MR. WICKHAM – (an Officer in the Regiment). "Endowed with all the best parts of beauty – a fine countenance, a good figure, and a very pleasing address. As false and deceitful as he is insinuating."

MR. DENNY – (Another Officer in the Regiment).

HARRIS – (the Butler at Longbourn).

MRS. BENNET – (the Wife of Mr. Bennet). "A woman of mean understanding, little information, and uncertain temper. When she was discontented she fancied herself nervous. The business of her life was to get her daughters married; its solace was visiting and news."

JANE – (Eldest Daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Bennet). "She united with great strength of feeling a composure of temper and a uniform cheerfulness of manner. Her mild and steady candour always pleaded allowances, and urged the possibility of mistakes."

ELIZABETH – (Their Second Daughter). "Although not so handsome as Jane, her face was rendered uncommonly intelligent by the beautiful expression of her dark eyes. She had a lively, playful disposition, which delighted in anything ridiculous, with more quickness of observation and less pliancy of temper than her sister. There was a mixture of sweetness and archness in her manner which made it difficult for her to affront anybody."

LYDIA – (Their Youngest Daughter). "A stout, well-grown girl of fifteen, with a fine complexion and a good-humoured countenance – a favourite with her mother, whose affection had brought her into public at an early age."

LADY LUCAS – (the Wife of Sir William). "Not too clever to be a valuable neighbour to Mrs. Bennet."

CHARLOTTE LUCAS – (Daughter of Sir William and Lady Lucas). "A sensible, intelligent young woman, about twenty-seven, … Elizabeth's intimate friend."

MISS BINGLEY – (Sister of Mr. Bingley). "A very fine lady … but proud and conceited."

LADY CATHERINE DE BOURG – (Aunt of Darcy and Patroness of Mr. Collins). "A tall, large woman, with strongly marked features, which might once have been handsome. Her air was not conciliating… Whatever she said, was spoken in so authoritative a tone as marked her self-importance."

HILL – (the Housekeeper at Longbourn).

MARTHA – (the Maid at Mr. Collins's Parsonage).

"In the novels of the last hundred years there are vast numbers of young ladies with whom it might be a pleasure to fall in love, – but to live with and to marry, I do not know that any of them can come into competition with Elizabeth Bennet." – George Saintsbury. Preface to the Peacock Edition of "Pride and Prejudice."

ACT I

The drawing-room at Longbourn. At the back, wide glass doors open upon a terrace which overlooks an English landscape. It is winter, and coals are burning in the fireplace. On each side of the glass doors are rounded recesses with windows. On one side of the room a door opens into the library. On the other side is a door to the hall – the chief entrance of the house. The room is handsomely furnished in eighteenth century style. Mr. and Mrs. Bennet are discovered sitting on either side of the table. Mrs. Bennet is knitting —Mr. Bennet reading.

[After a slight pause and laying down her knitting.]

My dear Mr. Bennet, did not you hear me? Did you know that Netherfield Park is let at last?

[Continues reading and does not answer.]

[Impatiently.] Do not you want to know who has taken it?

[Ceases reading and looks up at her with an amused smile.] You want to tell me, and I have no objection to hearing it.

[With animation.] Why, my dear, you must know Lady Lucas says that Netherfield is taken by a young man of large fortune from the North of England. His name is Bingley, and he is single, my dear. Think of that, Mr. Bennet! A single man of large fortune; four or five thousand pounds a year. What a fine thing for our girls!

How so? How can it affect them?

My dear Mr. Bennet, how can you be so tiresome! You must know that I am thinking of his marrying one of them.

Is that his design in settling here?

Design! – Nonsense! How can you talk so? But it is very likely that he will fall in love with one of them, and therefore you must visit him as soon as you can. Consider your daughters, Mr. Bennet! Only think what an establishment it would be for one of them! Sir William and Lady Lucas are determined to go merely on that account. Indeed you must go, for it will be impossible for us to visit him if you do not.

[Who has risen during this last speech and now stands with his back to the fire, facing Mrs. Bennet.] You are overscrupulous, surely. I dare say Mr. Bingley will be very glad to see you, and I will send a few lines to assure him of my hearty consent to his marrying whichever he chooses of the girls – though I must throw in a good word for my little Lizzy.

[Sharply.] I desire you will do no such thing! Lizzy is not a bit better than the others. She is not half as handsome as Jane, nor as good-humoured as Lydia. But you are always giving her the preference.

Not unless she deserves it, my dear. But in this particular instance my poor little Lizzy is the only one who is unprovided for. Lydia and the others belong in the schoolroom, and you tell me that Mr. Collins has already spoken for Jane.

Oh, that odious Mr. Collins! I wish he had never come here. I wish I might never hear his name again!

Mr. Collins odious! You surprise me! I thought that he had won your full approval.

[Fretfully.] Oh, well, since he had to be your cousin, and since you will not do anything about the entail, I suppose it will be a mercy if he does marry Jane. [Half crying.] But I do think, Mr. Bennet, it is the hardest thing in the world that we have no son of our own, so that your property has to be entailed away from your own wife and children, so if you should die, we may all be turned out of the house whenever this Mr. Collins pleases. [In bewailing tone.] He certainly does seem to have all the luck in the world. Here he has just got this good living from that grand Lady Catherine de Bourg.

But, my dear, that will soon be your luck, as well. You forget that your daughter is to profit by it.

Well, perhaps. I don't know about that, but, [With renewed excitement.] I do know that it is too monstrous that after you are gone I shall be forced to make way for this man and live to see him master in this house!

My dear, do not give way to such gloomy thoughts. Let us hope for better things. Let us flatter ourselves that I may be the survivor.

[This is not very consoling to Mrs. Bennet; and therefore, instead of making answer, she goes on as before.] If it was not for the entail I should not mind it.

What should not you mind?

I should not mind anything at all.

Let us be thankful that you are preserved from a state of such insensibility. But it certainly is a most iniquitous affair, and nothing can clear Mr. Collins from the guilt of inheriting Longbourn. However, you know he is doing his best to mend matters. He has not only handsomely apologised for his fault, but he has now assured us of his readiness to make every possible amends by marrying one of the girls. Surely, my dear, you must acknowledge that this plan is excessively generous on his part.

[Dolefully.] Well, I suppose it might be worse.

[Cheerfully.] Decidedly worse. With Jane so well settled, and a single man like Mr. Bingley in prospect, I think you should be quite cheerful.

[Excited once more.] Mr. Bingley! We shall never know Mr. Bingley. Oh, Mr. Bennet, you take delight in vexing me. You have no compassion on my poor nerves.

You mistake, my dear. I have a high respect for your nerves. They are my old friends. I have heard you mention them with consideration these twenty years at least.

Ah! You do not know what I suffer.

[Bursting into the room, followed by Jane.] Oh, that horrid practice! [Looking back at Jane.] Jane does so keep me at it. [Throwing herself into a chair.] La, I'm tired to death.

[Who sees that her mother is half crying, goes and stands behind her chair, puts her hand affectionately on her shoulder, and bends over her.] Does your head ache, mamma?

Of course my head aches. Your father is so teasing. I cannot persuade him to call on Mr. Bingley at Netherfield, so I suppose we shall never know him.

[Smiling.] But you forget, mamma, that we shall meet him at the assemblies, and Lady Lucas has promised to introduce him.

I do not believe Lady Lucas will do any such thing. She has daughters of her own. She is a selfish, hypocritical woman, and I have no opinion of her.

No more have I, and I am glad to find that you do not depend on her serving you.

I may have to depend on her after all, Mr. Bennet, since you will do nothing to help me. [Fretfully to Lydia, who has been yawning and coughing.] Don't keep coughing, Lydia, for Heaven's sake! Have a little compassion on my nerves.

[Lydia pouts and looks unutterable things.]

Lydia has no discretion in her coughs. She times them ill.

I do not cough for my own amusement, papa. Jane, when is your next ball?

To-morrow fortnight.

[Starting excitedly.] Ay, so it is – and Lady Lucas does not come back till the day before. So you see it will be impossible for her to introduce Mr. Bingley, for she will not know him herself.

Then, my dear, you may have the advantage of your friend, and you can introduce Mr. Bingley to her.

Impossible, Mr. Bennet, when I am not acquainted with him myself. How can you be so teasing?

I honour your circumspection. A fortnight's acquaintance is certainly very little. But if we do not venture, somebody else will, and if you decline the office I will take it upon myself.

[As the two girls stare at their father.] Oh, nonsense – nonsense! I am sick of Mr. Bingley!

I am sorry to hear that; but why did not you tell me so before? If I had known as much a week ago, I certainly should not have called upon him.

[Springing from her chair and throwing her arms about Mr. Bennet's neck.] What! You have really called upon him? Oh, how good in you, my dear Mr. Bennet!

It is very unlucky; but as I have actually paid the visit – and as he will very likely return it at any time, and bring his friend, Mr. Darcy, with him – we cannot now avoid the acquaintance of Mr. Bingley and his party.

Oh, my dear Mr. Bennet, I was sure you loved your girls too well to neglect such an acquaintance. [Mr. Bennet deftly takes her hands from his shoulders. She stands looking fondly at him.] Well, how pleased I am! And it was such a good joke that you should have already paid Mr. Bingley a visit and never said a word about it.

Yes. Yes. Well, I must go to the library. [He goes to the door, but stops for a moment.] Now, Lydia, you can cough as much as you choose. [He goes out.]

[Looking after Mr. Bennet.] What an excellent father you have, girls! [Turns to the girls.] I do not know how you will ever make him amends for his kindness, or me either, for that matter. At our time of life it is not so pleasant to be making new acquaintances every day. But for your sakes we would do anything. [Looking about her.] Where is Lizzy? Lydia, my love, where is your sister?

Oh, she is out walking with Charlotte Lucas and that dismal Mr. Collins.

Lizzy – out walking with Mr. Collins? Why didn't you go, Jane?

I had to practise with Lydia.

I'm sure I would have excused you. But what is Mr. Collins here for, mamma? I am sure I caught Mr. Wickham and Colonel Forster laughing at him the day we went to Meryton. Why does papa have a cousin like that?

He really cannot help it. It is the entail, my love – [Mysteriously.] But I hope that all you girls will be very civil to him, Jane especially.

I – mamma?

[Embarrassed.] Yes – my love. – You see —

[She is interrupted by the sound of laughter outside, and Elizabeth's voice.]

Very well, Mr. Collins.

[Mrs. Bennet makes a sudden awed gesture of silence to the girls, who fail to understand. Elizabeth enters by the glass doors. She is dressed in winter walking costume: a large hat, – fur-trimmed pelerine, and a large muff. She stops in the doorway and looks at Mrs. Bennet, half puzzled and smiling.]

Well, what is it, mamma? What is the matter?

Nothing. Hush! What have you done with Mr. Collins?

[Laughing.] Oh, Mr. Collins is safe! He has gone round to the library.

[With a sigh of relief.] How providential!

[Looking back.] But I have brought someone else with me.

[Mr. Wickham and Charlotte Lucas come in gaily.]

[Exclaiming.] Oh, Mr. Wickham!

[To Mrs. Bennet.] How do you do, Mrs. Bennet? This is indeed a pleasure. [Going over to Jane.] Miss Bennet, I am so glad to see you. [Reproachfully.] You were not with our party! [To Lydia.] Why do you never come to Meryton, Miss Lydia? Mr. Denny is quite downcast.

[Pouting.] La, Mr. Denny!

And many others beside him, Miss Lydia.

[Lydia giggles. Wickham returns to Mrs. Bennet.]

Well, 'tis an age since we saw you, Mr. Wickham. What have you been doing?

Colonel Forster keeps me so busy that I have no time for enjoyment.

Yes, Mr. Wickham bears all the marks of an harassed and overworked man.

[Bowing to Elizabeth.] Thank you, Miss Elizabeth. You have given me the very terms I needed. [To Mrs. Bennet.] You see before you, Mrs. Bennet, an harassed and overworked man. Miss Elizabeth will bear witness that I was on my way to a business appointment when I yielded to temptation and went off for a walk with her and Miss Lucas and their irreproachable escort.

And Miss Elizabeth will also testify that you yielded with the celerity and ease of long practice.

[Laughing; to Elizabeth.] But in this case who was the tempter?

Oh, I will admit that Mr. Collins was partially responsible.

[All laugh.]

Come, Lizzy, you have been talking to Mr. Wickham all the morning. Now, let some of the rest of us have a chance. [Turning to Wickham.] You must stay to dinner, Mr. Wickham.

I wish I might. That is indeed a temptation. But you know Miss Elizabeth has just reminded me of my duty.

Oh, nobody ever minds Lizzy!

Truly, I cannot to-day, Mrs. Bennet. It is too bad, but I am to meet Colonel Forster [Smiling at Elizabeth] on important business at the Drake Farm.

Well, I am very sorry.

[Hesitatingly.] I might perhaps bring Colonel Forster in for a few moments on the way back – that is, if we return this way.

Oh, yes, do.

Yes, indeed. Tell Colonel Forster we should be delighted to see him.

Thank you, I will. But now I really must be gone. [Bowing brightly to Jane and Lydia.] Good morning.

[To Charlotte Lucas.] Good morning, Miss Lucas. You must let me hear more about those clever plans of yours. I am vastly interested in them. [To Elizabeth.] Good morning, Miss Elizabeth. [Laughing.] You must try to temper your justice with mercy the next time I join you in a walk. [Pausing, he looks at Mrs. Bennet, who is standing between her daughters.] Do you know, Mrs. Bennet, that you always remind me of one of my old schoolboy phrases. Filiæ pulchræ! – Mater pulchrior! Good-bye.

[He runs off laughing. He has only gone a few steps when Lydia, who has been standing close to the door, runs out and calls to him.]

Oh, Mr. Wickham!

[Wickham turns and Lydia runs up to him and whispers something in his ear. Wickham laughs, then shakes his finger at her, still laughing, and goes off. Lydia stops outside and watches him.]

Really, mamma, I think you should speak to Lydia. She is too forward.

Nonsense! You are jealous.

Jealous! Of Lydia?

Well, she is no more forward than any of you. All you girls are crazy about Mr. Wickham. [Indulgently.] But I can't wonder at it. He certainly is a most engaging young man. What were those French words he said to me as he went out, Lizzy?

They were Latin, dear. He paid a very charming compliment to our pretty mamma. He said – The daughters are lovely, but the mother is lovelier. You know papa always says that you are handsomer than any of us.

My dear Lizzy, I certainly have had my share of beauty, but I don't pretend to be anything extraordinary now. [Mr. Collins enters.] Oh, Mr. Collins, there you are.

[Bowing profoundly.] I do not find Mr. Bennet in the library, Madam. Do you know where he is?

Why, really, Mr. Collins, I can't imagine. Did you enjoy your walk?

Most assuredly, Madam. The beauties of nature, not only in the landscape, but also [Bowing to Elizabeth and Charlotte Lucas.] in the blooming countenances of my fair companions, made our expedition a peculiarly enjoyable one.

Well, I am very glad of it, I am sure. [To Jane and Lydia.] Girls, we haven't told Lizzy and Charlotte the news.

What news, mamma?

[Looking at Charlotte with an ill-concealed triumph.] Oh, nothing of consequence, Lizzy, only your father has just told us that we may expect a visit at any time from our new neighbour, Mr. Bingley, and that friend of his who is stopping with him.

Oh, Mr. Bingley! That will be entertaining. [Suddenly with mischief she turns to Mr. Collins, who all through this latter conversation has been staring at Jane with solemn persistence.] Do not you think so, Mr. Collins?

[Starting from his absorption.] Eh? What? [Pompously again.] Excuse me, Miss Elizabeth, on what subject did you ask my opinion?

I asked you if you didn't think it was a very pleasant thing to meet new neighbours.

Most assuredly, Miss Elizabeth, if those neighbours are possessed of those qualifications which redound to their own credit, and to the edification of their friends. Otherwise, as a clergyman, I must hesitate in my approval. [To Mrs. Bennet.] You realise, I am sure, Madam, the caution which should ever be exercised where my amiable young cousins are concerned.

Yes, mamma, you really should be cautious.

Nonsense! Why, my dear Mr. Collins, we have found out all about them. Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy are connected with some of the most respectable families in England.

[In amazement.] Mr. Darcy? Mr. Fitzgerald Darcy! My dear Madam, can it be possible that you are to be honoured by a visit from him? Respectable indeed! Why, he is the nephew of my noble patroness, Lady Catherine de Bourg. It is true that I have never yet had the honour of meeting him – but he frequently visits his aunt, and she has promised to bring him on some occasion to inspect my humble abode. I am surprised, indeed, by this civility on his part. [Anxiously.] I only fear there may be some mistake, for Mr. Darcy has the reputation of possessing a very natural pride of birth; but if your information is indeed to be relied upon, I think Lady Catherine would consent to my approval of this visit, provided my fair cousins will keep in mind the proper attitude of respectful humility which should be assumed toward a person of his superior station.

We will promise you, Mr. Collins, never for one instant to forget either Mr. Darcy's exalted position or our own insignificance.

[Looking at her with admiration.] With that assurance, Miss Elizabeth, I think even Lady Catherine would be satisfied. So I need no longer withhold my sanction.

[Curtsying.] We thank you, sir.

This is the very attitude of mind I could desire. [To Mrs. Bennet.] I think, with your permission, I will now retire again to the library. [Going over smilingly to Jane.] There was a volume of Fordyce's sermons that you may remember I was reading to you in this room yesterday. I do not find it in the library. Do you know where it is? [Looking about him.]

I haven't seen it, Mr. Collins. I will try to find it for you. [She starts as if to go out of the room.]

[Wishing to leave them together.] No – no, Lydia will find it. Lydia, my love, go see if you can find the sermons for Mr. Collins.

[Lydia, with a grimace, rises slowly from her chair.]

Oh, Mrs. Bennet, I am quite sure that I saw the book in the hall. I will go fetch it.

[Sharply.] On no account, Charlotte. Lydia will find the book. Lizzy, go and get the mud off your shoes.

Oh, I will not trouble any of you ladies.