Control

www.spice-books.co.uk

Also by Kayla Perrin

OBSESSION

GETTING SOME

GETTING EVEN

Look for Kayla’s next book

GETTING LUCKY

coming in 2011 from Spice Books.

For Helen and James I’m glad you both found each other, and I wish you a lifetime of happiness together!

Prologue

Oh, shit.

That was the first thought I had when my eyes met his hazel ones across the expanse of my shop. A man I had never seen before. He was the kind of man who sent a rush of heat through your body the moment you laid eyes on him. The kind of man who, with one look, made you think about getting naked.

The kind of man who inspired you to slip your left hand behind your back, hiding the visible sign to the world that you were married.

I had never done that before. Not once during the eight years that I’d been married.

He walked into my store on a Friday in late February. His tall frame—at least six foot two—was all muscle. Something about him oozed sex appeal, even though his eyes were dark and he looked as if he carried a burden on his wide shoulders. I could tell that something serious was going on in his world. He wasn’t in my shop to buy flowers for a happy occasion.

And he wasn’t interested in small talk, either.

He bought a ready-made bouquet with a Get Well Soon balloon. So I knew someone in his life was sick. And sick enough that he was very worried.

Then he left. There was nothing remarkable about our interaction, and yet I couldn’t forget him. I’d checked his left hand and found no wedding band there. That didn’t mean he wasn’t married, of course, or seriously involved with someone.

I didn’t know why I cared.

But I would come to think about him a lot over the next several weeks, to the point where I was disturbed by the unexpected direction of my thoughts.

Was it a sin to daydream about having sex with someone other than your husband? Not just a simple daydream, a quick flash of two naked bodies wrapped together. But a fully fledged, detailed fantasy about another man pleasing you in the way that only your husband should. Vividly picturing another man with his fingers and tongue all over your pussy, while you’re in the middle of fucking your husband. Imagining the moment you slide over a stranger’s cock and take him fully into your body.

Something about him awakened a sexual part of me that had been dormant for a long, long time. But it came roaring back to life that day, shocking me with its intensity.

What scared me was how easily thoughts about another man invaded my brain as a married woman. Don’t get me wrong—I loved my husband. And until that man walked into my floral shop, I never expected I would ever cross the line and fantasize about sex with a stranger. At least not to the point where it was no longer about the fantasy, but about the other man.

Seeing him and reacting to him were the beginning of a turning point for me, even though I didn’t know it that day. It wasn’t just lust that had been awakened in me, but something that my marriage had killed. I wouldn’t put all the pieces together until later, but when I did, I could look back on that day when the sexy stranger with the hazel eyes came into the store as the beginning of my rebirth.

The beginning of me reclaiming my life.

Chapter One

I gave myself a once-over in the bathroom mirror and smiled at my reflection. I looked good.

Sexy. Hot.

Hot enough that my husband wouldn’t be able to resist me.

I’d flat-ironed my hair, giving my shoulder-length ebony locks the razor-sharp straight look I didn’t wear often. Robert typically liked it softly curled. The straight hair, combined with the dress and dramatic makeup, gave me more of a high-fashion model or actress look. My hair had taken a good thirty minutes to perfect, but I was extremely pleased with the result.

I smoothed my hands over my black sheath dress. It was tight, hugging my curves. I’d put on a push-up bra to give me more cleavage, and the dress’s V-neck exposed a teasing amount of flesh. A little too much?

I shook my head. No, I didn’t think so.

I wasn’t trying to be subtle in my sex appeal, though I was trying to be tasteful. What I wanted was my husband thinking of getting me home—and naked—during every moment of our dinner.

We needed something to get us into baby-making mood.

“Elsie, what’s taking you so long?” I heard Robert call out to me. His voice was close, which meant he was in our bedroom. I’d left him downstairs watching CNN in the great room as I’d come to the master bathroom, locking the door so he couldn’t inadvertently see me before I wanted him to. This was the second time he’d come up to check on me.

“I’m almost—”

“We have a seven-o’clock reservation,” Robert said sternly. “It’s six-twenty.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” I said. “We’ll get there. We’ve got enough time.”

“We’re going to midtown.”

The doorknob rattled, but with the door locked, it didn’t budge. “Open up, Elsie.”

“Just give me a few more minutes.” I wanted my look to be a surprise. We were going to The Melting Pot, a popular fondue restaurant in midtown Charlotte that always got rave reviews, and I wanted to look chic and sexy as I walked in on Robert’s arm.

He knocked on the door now—fast, impatient. “Open the door, Elsie.”

He was irritated. I could tell by his tone. He probably thought I was going to take another twenty minutes to finish getting ready. “Okay, I’m coming.”

I applied my deep red lipstick, picked my LuLu clutch up off the vanity—and then spotted the necklace I’d forgotten to put on. Robert liked classic pearls, but they weren’t right for this look, so I had decided on a six-strand beaded black necklace that I rarely wore.

“Jesus, Elsie!”

“I’m just putting my necklace on.” I secured the clasp at the back of my neck. Then I slipped into my Jimmy Choo black patent shoes. Yes, I thought. Perfect.

“I’m coming,” I called, and hurried to the door. I hoped Robert’s tone was an indicator of his impatience, as opposed to a bad mood. I’d been looking forward to our first visit to The Melting Pot for ages, and I didn’t want anything to sour our romantic evening.

I swung open the door and spread my arms. “Ta-da.”

It took only a second for Robert’s eyes to widen in surprise. That I expected. This wasn’t my typical demure look. His gaze roamed over my face and hair first, then went lower, stopping at my breasts. “What are you wearing?”

My husband’s expression was far from appreciative—not the reaction I had expected. “You don’t like it?”

“I thought you were going to wear the red dress I bought you last week.”

“I preferred this one. We are going to that hip fondue restaurant.” And I want you thinking about getting me naked. Creating a baby inside me.

“Restaurant. Exactly. Not a club with your friends.” Once again, Robert’s eyes landed on my cleavage. Then they moved upward. “And what on earth did you do to your hair?”

I raised my hand, fingering some of the strands. “I tried something different.”

“I don’t like it.”

“Oh.” I had hoped he would. I’d worked so hard on coming up with a hot, irresistible look. The kind that would have my husband whistling with appreciation, not staring at me with scorn.

Robert glanced at his watch. “We’re cutting it close, but you should have enough time to change. The red dress is more appropriate for dinner. Even if we’re a little late, I’m sure they’ll hold our reservation.”

“Oh,” I said, feeling deflated. “You think I should change.”

“Do hurry.”

“I’ll, uh, need a few more minutes to get ready then.” I spoke as evenly as possible, trying to hide my disappointment.

“I’ll be downstairs.”

Robert turned and walked out of the bedroom. There was no more discussion. He’d made his wishes clear, and if I went downstairs in anything other than the red dress, he would be miserable the entire night.

Closing the bathroom door, I tried to ignore the swell of unhappiness rising inside me. I tried, as I had done so many times before, to put the unpleasant feelings in an emotional box. It had taken him two years to agree to take me to The Melting Pot, and I didn’t want to ruin an evening I had been looking forward to.

I went back to the vanity table and looked at myself in the mirror one more time. The spark in my eyes had disappeared. The sexy, excited woman didn’t look sexy and excited anymore.

The his-and-her closets were connected to the bathroom by a carpeted hallway. I suppose the suite had been designed that way to make it easier for people fresh from the shower to be able to get dressed. Everything in a house like this—nearly ten thousand square feet—was about making life easier for the owners. If you wished to watch your favorite television show in the bathtub, you could do that. If you didn’t want to go downstairs to your home office, you didn’t need to; the master bedroom was so large, it had a desk and computer in a corner by the bay window. My closet was big enough to have shelves upon shelves for hundreds of pairs of shoes, plus racks to hang hundreds of outfits. So was Robert’s.

I took the red dress off the hook where I’d hung it after deciding I’d wear the black one instead. There was a mirror in my closet—two floor-length ones, in fact—so I didn’t need to go back to the bathroom to see what the gown looked like when I held it up against my body.

It was a perfectly nice dress. Classic. Elegant.

But it wasn’t the look I had wanted for tonight.

I pushed that thought aside. Time was ticking away. I had to tone down my dark makeup, which would be too dramatic for the red dress. I went back into the bathroom, dampened a face towel and tried to smudge off as much of my dark eye shadow as I could—then grabbed a tissue to dab at the tears that filled my eyes.

“Why are you crying?” I asked my reflection. “So what if Robert wants you to change? What’s the big deal?” I unzipped my black dress and wriggled out of it. “If he thinks the dress isn’t right, it’s because he knows more about this stuff than you do.”

My husband was the former head of a Fortune 500 company. Having lived most of his life in privilege, he knew much more about etiquette than I did. Maybe he thought I looked trashy, and as the wife of a wealthy and prominent citizen, I couldn’t bring any shame to him.

The words made sense to me, and yet I found myself thinking something that had flitted into my mind many times over the past couple of years. Robert doesn’t think I fit into his world. Even after all this time.

And then I had another thought: When you dress too provocatively, it screams to the world that you’re a trophy wife. Everyone will always see you as the woman who married up.

Robert had said that to me more than once when we’d first gotten married. I’d understood his point then, and I understood it now. Eight years ago, I’d married a wealthy man thirty years my senior. I know that most people would believe I did it for financial reasons. But that wasn’t true.

I married for love.

Before walking down the aisle, I signed a prenup entitling me to one million dollars if our marriage ended before the ten year mark. My lawyer had wanted to renegotiate for a higher amount, arguing that Robert was enormously wealthy, but I had refused. My goal wasn’t how much I could get should we divorce, but rather on living happily ever after with the man I adored.

Reaching a hand behind me, I was about to unclasp my bra, figuring something more conservative would be better. But then I glanced at the clock. It was already 6:33. I could imagine Robert downstairs, sitting on the chaise in the great room, impatiently glancing at his watch.

So I kept the bra on and got into the red dress, a delicate number with a much higher neckline. The gown cinched below the bust with a black ribbon band, and from there flowed down to my knees. With the combination of the push-up bra and the ribbon detail, my breasts really popped.

But at least they were covered. It was one element that made me feel sexier, and I was grateful for that. I still wanted to be irresistible to Robert.

The only other issue was my hair. Robert had said he didn’t like it. I did. But again, I wanted to be turning him on, not off. I searched my vanity for a black clip. Instead of wearing my hair down, I swept the back of it up off my neck and styled it up with the clip. I arranged some loose tendrils around the sides of my face, giving me a softer look.

The black ribbon on my dress went well with my black clutch and shoes, and also my necklace, so at least I didn’t have to change my accessories. I wrapped a cashmere shawl around my shoulders and was ready to go.

One last time, I checked myself out in the mirror. I wasn’t the vixen I’d been a while earlier. But I was still attractive, hopefully in a way that would make my husband happy.

Because I still hoped that Robert and I would end up in our bed later, making love.

And making a baby.

Chapter Two

By the time we got to The Melting Pot, we were ten minutes late. But I had called ahead, ensuring that they’d hold our table, while Robert drove.

He pulled up to the valet stand in front of the restaurant. An attendant came over immediately. They usually did when the car was a Porsche.

Moments later, we were inside The Melting Pot. The restaurant was warm and inviting, done in a combination of dark beige and burgundy. Intimate, curved booths lined the walls. Unique lighting fixtures hung above the tables, reminding me of blown-glass designs I’d seen in Venice.

I liked the place. A lot. My mood instantly brightened.

The restaurant was full of chatter. Happy people all around us were laughing and talking and dipping various items into pots of fondue.

“I hope we made the right choice,” Robert mumbled.

I glanced at him as we approached the hostess stand. He didn’t make eye contact with me. I didn’t bother asking him what he meant.

The hostess sat us at our table in the center of the restaurant. I took my shawl off and placed it and my clutch on the seat next to me.

Robert was looking around. Not a casual glance inspecting his surroundings, but more of an intense, evaluating look.

Some of the diners were throwing curious glances our way, as well.

I suddenly understood why Robert had muttered that comment. The crowd was young—late twenties to late thirties, mostly. Young and attractive. You didn’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure out that Robert was uncomfortable here.

Uncomfortable because of our age difference.

I reached across the table and took his hand in mine, letting him know that I wasn’t uncomfortable. After eight years of marriage, I was used to the second glances we got from some people. At first those looks had bothered me, but not anymore.

I was with my husband, and if the rest of the world didn’t like it, they could go to hell.

In the beginning of our relationship, Robert had had no problem going out with me in public. He’d been a fit and attractive fifty-nine. And when he colored the gray in his hair, he looked more like fifty. So while there was obviously an age difference between us, he hadn’t been bothered by it.

But over the last few years, his face had aged considerably and his posture was no longer as imposing as it had once been. Because of knee replacement surgery last year, his gait wasn’t the strong, confident stride it had been when we’d met.

Once, Robert had been able to walk into a room and have heads turn—that’s the kind of attention he commanded. Not anymore.

The physical changes, capped off by a full head of gray hair he could no longer be bothered to color, troubled my husband. Oh, he never said as much, but I could tell. He was sixty-seven and looked it—his body defying his ageless spirit more and more.

“This place is beautiful,” I said, hoping to distract him from his thoughts. “The ambience, the decor…” I glanced up at the goldish-orange light fixture above our table, which sort of resembled a large, upside-down wineglass with a very long stem. “Remember that shop in Saint Mark’s Square—the one where we almost bought that chandelier before we realized it wouldn’t look good in our place? I wonder if these light fixtures came from there.”

“Perhaps.” Robert released my hand to withdraw his reading glasses from his jacket pocket.

“Thank you for bringing me here,” I said, hoping that being extra sweet would help his discomfort dissipate. “I keep hearing how fabulous the food is, that the menu is second to none.”

“Let’s hope so,” Robert stated.

He lifted his menu. Even with his glasses on, he squinted slightly as he read.

Something tugged at my heart as I watched him. A little sympathy. I was sorry about the changes age was bringing about that neither of us could control. I wasn’t thrilled about heading toward forty. I could only imagine how Robert felt, nearing seventy.

He needed something else in his life. Something positive to concentrate on, as opposed to life’s ticking clock. We both did.

Which was why I was hoping we’d get pregnant sooner rather than later.

“Good evening.” A man’s voice drew our attention, and I glanced up. The waiter who had arrived at our table wore a crisp white shirt, black tie and burgundy apron neatly tied around his waist. There was an air of confidence about him that said he’d been doing his job—and doing it well—for a long time.

“Good evening,” I replied. Robert continued to peruse the menu.

“Have you been here before?” the waiter asked.

“No,” I said. “We haven’t.”

“Then welcome. I think you’ll be very pleased. Our cheeses are aged to perfection to create the best possible fondue. You can enjoy them with bread or fruit. We have salads as well, if you prefer. And all of our entrées are cooked in our popular fondue styles.”

“Mmm.” I looked at Robert before meeting the waiter’s gaze again. “Sounds delicious.”

“The dinners for two are very popular, and come with a cheese fondue, salad, and one of three entrée items.” He pointed to the page on my open menu.

“Ooh, the surf and turf looks good.” I glanced at Robert. “What do you think, sweetheart? Lobster tails?”

“I think that we need a few more minutes to make up our minds,” he said.

“Certainly.” The waiter smiled cordially at both of us before his gaze landed on me. “My name is Alexander. And madam, the surf and turf is one of our more popular items. You certainly won’t be disappointed if you decide on it.”

“All right.” Robert’s tone held a tiny note of impatience. “You’ve done your job. Now run along and give us some time to make up our minds.”

Now run along?

My eyes went wide as I stared at him, shocked by the demeaning words. “Robert,” I began when the waiter was gone, “that wasn’t a very nice thing to say.”

“You would say that, wouldn’t you?”

I was confused by the comment. “Do you expect me to approve of you being rude to our waiter?”

“It was like he didn’t even know I was at the table,” Robert went on.

“That’s because I was the one doing the talking. You barely gave him a second glance.”

“I saw how he was looking at you.”

What was Robert getting at? That the waiter had been out of line? “He was looking at me like he was our waiter.”

“Right,” Robert said, his tone dripping with sarcasm.

I didn’t understand what was happening. The waiter had been professional and cordial. He hadn’t ogled me or anything like that. So why was Robert making an issue out of nothing?

Because he never wanted to come here.

Was that what this was about—Robert making an issue because he didn’t want to be here? He hadn’t been interested when I’d suggested the place time and time again, and the moment he’d seen the crowd, there’d been a visible change in him.

“It’s that dress,” he said.

“The dress?” Again, I was confused. “This is the one you wanted me to wear, remember?”

“But what did you do to your breasts?” His expression was one of disdain as he lowered his eyes to my chest. “You’re wearing some kind of bra that makes them look larger. As if you got breast implants.”

Certainly that couldn’t be the issue. Even though I was annoyed that he seemed to be trying to sour the mood, I forged ahead gently. “What’s wrong? Is there something else bothering you?”

Robert pretended he didn’t hear me. Pretended to be absorbed in reading the menu.

It was probably best to let the matter drop. I lifted my own menu. “Do you want to do one of the entrées for two? Or decide on a cheese fondue and maybe a couple other items?”

“I’m trying to make up my mind.”

I nodded. “Okay.”

As we both perused the menu in silence, I decided I would let Robert choose our meals. Everything looked great, so it wasn’t as if I’d be disappointed. He was clearly irritable, and I wanted to keep him happy.

It was something I did a lot.

Why shouldn’t you decide? a tiny voice inside me asked.

Before I could even contemplate the question, Alexander arrived again, a warm smile on his attractive face. This time I noticed that he did stare at me before turning to Robert. But he had to look at someone first. Just because it was me didn’t mean he wanted to fuck me.

“We’ve hardly looked at the menu,” Robert all but snapped.

“Take your time.” Alexander clasped his hands together. “But may I start you off with a drink? Some wine or a cocktail?” He looked at me. “Or perhaps a martini.”

“Or perhaps my wife.”

My eyes grew wide with shock and horror. I gaped at my husband before looking at the waiter, who appeared absolutely mortified.

“Excuse me?” Alexander asked.

“Jesus, you’re salivating over her like she’s an item on the menu.”

“Robert, stop it.”

“It’s true,” he insisted calmly. “Isn’t it, Alexander?”

Embarrassment mixed with my horror. I pushed my chair back and stood. I was certain that people around us were overhearing this ridiculous conversation, and I could no longer stay here.

“Sir, I apologize if I somehow—”

“You’re not the one who needs to apologize,” I said, cutting Alexander off. I gave Robert a pointed look, barely keeping my fury contained. And to think I’d been concerned about keeping him happy. I picked up my clutch and my shawl. “We’re leaving.”

“Good idea,” Robert said.

Worry creased the waiter’s brow, almost as if he suspected Robert was the type to lodge a complaint with the manager. If that was his assumption, then he’d read my husband correctly.

Alexander held up both hands, a sign of submission. “If I was disrespectful in any way, I apologize.”

“Next time, look at a woman’s face—not her tits—when you’re speaking to her.”

I heard the words and cringed. For the first time in our marriage, I wanted to slap Robert.

I didn’t dare look around for fear everyone within earshot had heard his crude words. I wanted to meet the waiter’s dejected eyes and tell him that my husband’s high blood pressure medication was making him act like an asshole. But all I could do was head for the door before the embarrassment killed me.