The Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchausen

CHAPTER I

(THE BARON IS SUPPOSED TO RELATE THESE ADVENTURES TO HIS FRIENDS OVER A

BOTTLE.)

The Baron relates an account of his first travels – The astonishing

effects of a storm – Arrives at Ceylon; combats and conquers two

extraordinary opponents – Returns to Holland._

Some years before my beard announced approaching manhood, or, in other

words, when I was neither man nor boy, but between both, I expressed in

repeated conversations a strong desire of seeing the world, from which

I was discouraged by my parents, though my father had been no

inconsiderable traveller himself, as will appear before I have reached

the end of my singular, and, I may add, interesting adventures. A

cousin, by my mother’s side, took a liking to me, often said I was

fine forward youth, and was much inclined to gratify my curiosity.

His eloquence had more effect than mine, for my father consented to my

accompanying him in a voyage to the island of Ceylon, where his uncle

had resided as governor many years.

We sailed from Amsterdam with despatches from their High Mightinesses

the States of Holland. The only circumstance which happened on our

voyage worth relating was the wonderful effects of a storm, which

had torn up by the roots a great number of trees of enormous bulk and

height, in an island where we lay at anchor to take in wood and water;

some of these trees weighed many tons, yet they were carried by the wind

so amazingly high, that they appeared like the feathers of small birds

floating in the air, for they were at least five miles above the earth:

however, as soon as the storm subsided they all fell perpendicularly

into their respective places, and took root again, except the largest,

which happened, when it was blown into the air, to have a man and his

wife, a very honest old couple, upon its branches, gathering cucumbers

(in this part of the globe that useful vegetable grows upon trees): the

weight of this couple, as the tree descended, over-balanced the trunk,

and brought it down in a horizontal position: it fell upon the chief man

of the island, and killed him on the spot; he had quitted his house

in the storm, under an apprehension of its falling upon him, and was

returning through his own garden when this fortunate accident happened.

The word fortunate, here, requires some explanation. This chief was a

man of a very avaricious and oppressive disposition, and though he had

no family, the natives of the island were half-starved by his oppressive

and infamous impositions.

The very goods which he had thus taken from them were spoiling in his

stores, while the poor wretches from whom they were plundered were

pining in poverty. Though the destruction of this tyrant was accidental,

the people chose the cucumber-gatherers for their governors, as a mark

of their gratitude for destroying, though accidentally, their late

tyrant.

After we had repaired the damages we sustained in this remarkable storm,

and taken leave of the new governor and his lady, we sailed with a fair

wind for the object of our voyage.

In about six weeks we arrived at Ceylon, where we were received with

great marks of friendship and true politeness. The following singular

adventures may not prove unentertaining.

After we had resided at Ceylon about a fortnight I accompanied one of

the governor’s brothers upon a shooting party. He was a strong, athletic

man, and being used to that climate (for he had resided there some

years), he bore the violent heat of the sun much better than I could; in

our excursion he had made a considerable progress through a thick wood

when I was only at the entrance.

Near the banks of a large piece of water, which had engaged my

attention, I thought I heard a rustling noise behind; on turning about

I was almost petrified (as who would not be?) at the sight of a lion,

which was evidently approaching with the intention of satisfying his

appetite with my poor carcase, and that without asking my consent. What

was to be done in this horrible dilemma? I had not even a moment for

reflection; my piece was only charged with swan-shot, and I had no other

about me: however, though I could have no idea of killing such an animal

with that weak kind of ammunition, yet I had some hopes of frightening

him by the report, and perhaps of wounding him also. I immediately let

fly, without waiting till he was within reach, and the report did but

enrage him, for he now quickened his pace, and seemed to approach me

full speed: I attempted to escape, but that only added (if an addition

could be made) to my distress; for the moment I turned about I found a

large crocodile, with his mouth extended almost ready to receive me. On

my right hand was the piece of water before mentioned, and on my left a

deep precipice, said to have, as I have since learned, a receptacle at

the bottom for venomous creatures; in short I gave myself up as lost,

for the lion was now upon his hind-legs, just in the act of seizing

me; I fell involuntarily to the ground with fear, and, as it afterwards

appeared, he sprang over me. I lay some time in a situation which no

language can describe, expecting to feel his teeth or talons in some

part of me every moment: after waiting in this prostrate situation a few

seconds I heard a violent but unusual noise, different from any sound

that had ever before assailed my ears; nor is it at all to be wondered

at, when I inform you from whence it proceeded: after listening for

some time, I ventured to raise my head and look round, when, to my

unspeakable joy, I perceived the lion had, by the eagerness with which

he sprung at me, jumped forward, as I fell, into the crocodile’s mouth!

which, as before observed, was wide open; the head of the one stuck

in the throat of the other! and they were struggling to extricate

themselves! I fortunately recollected my _couteau de chasse_, which was

by my side; with this instrument I severed the lion’s head at one

blow, and the body fell at my feet! I then, with the butt-end of my

fowling-piece, rammed the head farther into the throat of the crocodile,

and destroyed him by suffocation, for he could neither gorge nor eject

it.

Soon after I had thus gained a complete victory over my two powerful

adversaries, my companion arrived in search of me; for finding I did not

follow him into the wood, he returned, apprehending I had lost my way,

or met with some accident.

After mutual congratulations, we measured the crocodile, which was just

forty feet in length.

As soon as we had related this extraordinary adventure to the governor,

he sent a waggon and servants, who brought home the two carcases. The

lion’s skin was properly preserved, with its hair on, after which it

was made into tobacco-pouches, and presented by me, upon our return to

Holland, to the burgomasters, who, in return, requested my acceptance of

a thousand ducats.

The skin of the crocodile was stuffed in the usual manner, and makes a

capital article in their public museum at Amsterdam, where the exhibitor

relates the whole story to each spectator, with such additions as he

thinks proper. Some of his variations are rather extravagant; one of

them is, that the lion jumped quite through the crocodile, and was

making his escape at the back door, when, as soon as his head appeared,

Monsieur the Great Baron (as he is pleased to call me) cut it off,

and three feet of the crocodile’s tail along with it; nay, so little

attention has this fellow to the truth, that he sometimes adds, as soon

as the crocodile missed his tail, he turned about, snatched the _couteau

de chasse_ out of Monsieur’s hand, and swallowed it with such eagerness

that it pierced his heart and killed him immediately!

The little regard which this impudent knave has to veracity makes me

sometimes apprehensive that my _real facts_ may fall under suspicion, by

being found in company with his confounded inventions.

CHAPTER II

_In which the Baron proves himself a good shot – He loses his horse,

and finds a wolf – Makes him draw his sledge – Promises to entertain

his company with a relation of such facts as are well deserving their

notice._

I set off from Rome on a journey to Russia, in the midst of winter, from

a just notion that frost and snow must of course mend the roads, which

every traveller had described as uncommonly bad through the northern

parts of Germany, Poland, Courland, and Livonia. I went on horseback, as

the most convenient manner of travelling; I was but lightly clothed, and

of this I felt the inconvenience the more I advanced north-east.

What must not a poor old man have suffered in that severe weather and

climate, whom I saw on a bleak common in Poland, lying on the road,

helpless, shivering, and hardly having wherewithal to cover his

nakedness? I pitied the poor soul: though I felt the severity of the air

myself, I threw my mantle over him, and immediately I heard a voice from

the heavens, blessing me for that piece of charity, saying —

«You will be rewarded, my son, for this in time.»

I went on: night and darkness overtook me. No village was to be seen.

The country was covered with snow, and I was unacquainted with the road.

Tired, I alighted, and fastened my horse to something like a pointed

stump of a tree, which appeared above the snow; for the sake of safety I

placed my pistols under my arm, and laid down on the snow, where I slept

so soundly that I did not open my eyes till full daylight. It is not

easy to conceive my astonishment to find myself in the midst of a

village, lying in a churchyard; nor was my horse to be seen, but I heard

him soon after neigh somewhere above me. On looking upwards I beheld him

hanging by his bridle to the weather-cock of the steeple. Matters were

now very plain to me: the village had been covered with snow overnight;

a sudden change of weather had taken place; I had sunk down to the

churchyard whilst asleep, gently, and in the same proportion as the snow

had melted away; and what in the dark I had taken to be a stump of a

little tree appearing above the snow, to which I had tied my horse,

proved to have been the cross or weather-cock of the steeple!

Without long consideration I took one of my pistols, shot the bridle

in two, brought the horse, and proceeded on my journey. [Here the Baron

seems to have forgot his feelings; he should certainly have ordered his

horse a feed of corn, after fasting so long.]

He carried me well – advancing into the interior parts of Russia. I found

travelling on horseback rather unfashionable in winter, therefore I

submitted, as I always do, to the custom of the country, took a single

horse sledge, and drove briskly towards St. Petersburg. I do not exactly

recollect whether it was in Eastland or Jugemanland, but I remember that

in the midst of a dreary forest I spied a terrible wolf making after me,

with all the speed of ravenous winter hunger. He soon overtook me. There

was no possibility of escape. Mechanically I laid myself down flat in

the sledge, and let my horse run for our safety. What I wished, but

hardly hoped or expected, happened immediately after. The wolf did not

mind me in the least, but took a leap over me, and falling furiously on

the horse, began instantly to tear and devour the hind-part of the poor

animal, which ran the faster for his pain and terror. Thus unnoticed and

safe myself, I lifted my head slyly up, and with horror I beheld that

the wolf had ate his way into the horse’s body; it was not long before

he had fairly forced himself into it, when I took my advantage, and fell

upon him with the butt-end of my whip. This unexpected attack in his

rear frightened him so much, that he leaped forward with all his might:

the horse’s carcase dropped on the ground, but in his place the wolf

was in the harness, and I on my part whipping him continually: we

both arrived in full career safe at St. Petersburg, contrary to our

respective expectations, and very much to the astonishment of the

spectators.

I shall not tire you, gentlemen, with the politics, arts, sciences, and

history of this magnificent metropolis of Russia, nor trouble you with

the various intrigues and pleasant adventures I had in the politer

circles of that country, where the lady of the house always receives the

visitor with a dram and a salute. I shall confine myself rather to

the greater and nobler objects of your attention, horses and dogs, my

favourites in the brute creation; also to foxes, wolves, and bears, with

which, and game in general, Russia abounds more than any other part of

the world; and to such sports, manly exercises, and feats of gallantry

and activity, as show the gentleman better than musty Greek or Latin, or

all the perfume, finery, and capers of French wits or _petit-maîtres_.

CHAPTER III

_An encounter between the Baron’s nose and a door-post, with its

wonderful effects – Fifty brace of ducks and other fowl destroyed by one

shot – Flogs a fox out of his skin – Leads an old sow home in a new way,

and vanquishes a wild boar._

It was some time before I could obtain a commission in the army, and

for several months I was perfectly at liberty to sport away my time and

money in the most gentleman-like manner. You may easily imagine that I

spent much of both out of town with such gallant fellows as knew how to

make the most of an open forest country. The very recollection of

those amusements gives me fresh spirits, and creates a warm wish for

a repetition of them. One morning I saw, through the windows of my

bed-room, that a large pond not far off was covered with wild ducks. In

an instant I took my gun from the corner, ran down-stairs and out of

the house in such a hurry, that I imprudently struck my face against

the door-post. Fire flew out of my eyes, but it did not prevent my

intention; I soon came within shot, when, levelling my piece, I observed

to my sorrow, that even the flint had sprung from the cock by the

violence of the shock I had just received. There was no time to be lost.

I presently remembered the effect it had on my eyes, therefore opened

the pan, levelled my piece against the wild fowls, and my fist against

one of my eyes. [The Baron’s eyes have retained fire ever since, and

appear particularly illuminated when he relates this anecdote.] A hearty

blow drew sparks again; the shot went off, and I killed fifty brace of

ducks, twenty widgeons, and three couple of teals. Presence of mind is

the soul of manly exercises. If soldiers and sailors owe to it many of

their lucky escapes, hunters and sportsmen are not less beholden to it

for many of their successes. In a noble forest in Russia I met a fine

black fox, whose valuable skin it would have been a pity to tear by ball

or shot. Reynard stood close to a tree. In a twinkling I took out my

ball, and placed a good spike-nail in its room, fired, and hit him so

cleverly that I nailed his brush fast to the tree. I now went up to him,

took out my hanger, gave him a cross-cut over the face, laid hold of my

whip, and fairly flogged him out of his fine skin.

Chance and good luck often correct our mistakes; of this I had a

singular instance soon after, when, in the depth of a forest, I saw a

wild pig and sow running close behind each other. My ball had missed

them, yet the foremost pig only ran away, and the sow stood motionless,

as fixed to the ground. On examining into the matter, I found the latter

one to be an old sow, blind with age, which had taken hold of her pig’s

tail, in order to be led along by filial duty. My ball, having passed

between the two, had cut his leading-string, which the old sow continued

to hold in her mouth; and as her former guide did not draw her on

any longer, she had stopped of course; I therefore laid hold of the

remaining end of the pig’s tail, and led the old beast home without any

further trouble on my part, and without any reluctance or apprehension

on the part of the helpless old animal.

Terrible as these wild sows are, yet more fierce and dangerous are

the boars, one of which I had once the misfortune to meet in a forest,

unprepared for attack or defence. I retired behind an oak-tree just when

the furious animal levelled a side-blow at me, with such force, that his

tusks pierced through the tree, by which means he could neither repeat

the blow nor retire. Ho, ho! thought I, I shall soon have you now! and

immediately I laid hold of a stone, wherewith I hammered and bent his

tusks in such a manner, that he could not retreat by any means, and must

wait my return from the next village, whither I went for ropes and a

cart, to secure him properly, and to carry him off safe and alive, in

which I perfectly succeeded.

CHAPTER IV

_Reflections on Saint Hubert’s stag – Shoots a stag with cherry-stones;

the wonderful effects of it – Kills a bear by extraordinary dexterity;

his danger pathetically described – Attacked by a wolf, which he turns

inside out – Is assailed by a mad dog, from which he escapes – The Baron’s

cloak seized with madness, by which his whole wardrobe is thrown into

confusion._

You have heard, I dare say, of the hunter and sportsman’s saint and

protector, St. Hubert, and of the noble stag, which appeared to him

in the forest, with the holy cross between his antlers. I have paid my

homage to that saint every year in good fellowship, and seen this stag a

thousand times, either painted in churches, or embroidered in the

stars of his knights; so that, upon the honour and conscience of a good

sportsman, I hardly know whether there may not have been formerly, or

whether there are not such crossed stags even at this present day. But

let me rather tell what I have seen myself. Having one day spent all my

shot, I found myself unexpectedly in presence of a stately stag, looking

at me as unconcernedly as if he had known of my empty pouches. I charged

immediately with powder, and upon it a good handful of cherry-stones,

for I had sucked the fruit as far as the hurry would permit. Thus I let

fly at him, and hit him just on the middle of the forehead, between his

antlers; it stunned him – he staggered – yet he made off. A year or two

after, being with a party in the same forest, I beheld a noble stag with

a fine full grown cherry-tree above ten feet high between his antlers.

I immediately recollected my former adventure, looked upon him as my

property, and brought him to the ground by one shot, which at once

gave me the haunch and cherry-sauce; for the tree was covered with the

richest fruit, the like I had never tasted before. Who knows but some

passionate holy sportsman, or sporting abbot or bishop, may have shot,

planted, and fixed the cross between the antlers of St. Hubert’s stag,

in a manner similar to this? They always have been, and still are,

famous for plantations of crosses and antlers; and in a case of distress

or dilemma, which too often happens to keen sportsmen, one is apt to

grasp at anything for safety, and to try any expedient rather than

miss the favourable opportunity. I have many times found myself in that

trying situation.

What do you say of this, for example? Daylight and powder were spent one

day in a Polish forest. When I was going home a terrible bear made up

to me in great speed, with open mouth, ready to fall upon me; all my

pockets were searched in an instant for powder and ball, but in vain; I

found nothing but two spare flints: one I flung with all my might into

the monster’s open jaws, down his throat. It gave him pain and made him

turn about, so that I could level the second at his back-door, which,

indeed, I did with wonderful success; for it flew in, met the first

flint in the stomach, struck fire, and blew up the bear with a terrible

explosion. Though I came safe off that time, yet I should not wish to

try it again, or venture against bears with no other ammunition.

There is a kind of fatality in it. The fiercest and most dangerous

animals generally came upon me when defenceless, as if they had a notion

or an instinctive intimation of it. Thus a frightful wolf rushed upon me

so suddenly, and so close, that I could do nothing but follow mechanical

instinct, and thrust my fist into his open mouth. For safety’s sake

I pushed on and on, till my arm was fairly in up to the shoulder.

How should I disengage myself? I was not much pleased with my awkward

situation – with a wolf face to face; our ogling was not of the most

pleasant kind. If I withdrew my arm, then the animal would fly the more

furiously upon me; that I saw in his flaming eyes. In short, I laid hold

of his tail, turned him inside out like a glove, and flung him to the

ground, where I left him.

The same expedient would not have answered against a mad dog, which soon

after came running against me in a narrow street at St. Petersburg. Run

who can, I thought; and to do this the better, I threw off my fur cloak,

and was safe within doors in an instant. I sent my servant for the

cloak, and he put it in the wardrobe with my other clothes. The day

after I was amazed and frightened by Jack’s bawling, «For God’s sake,

sir, your fur cloak is mad!» I hastened up to him, and found almost all

my clothes tossed about and torn to pieces. The fellow was perfectly

right in his apprehensions about the fur cloak’s madness. I saw him

myself just then falling upon a fine full-dress suit, which he shook and

tossed in an unmerciful manner.

CHAPTER V

_The effects of great activity and presence of mind – A favourite hound

described, which pups while pursuing a hare; the hare also litters while

pursued by the hound – Presented with a famous horse by Count Przobossky,

with which he performs many extraordinary feats._

All these narrow and lucky escapes, gentlemen, were chances turned

to advantage by presence of mind and vigorous exertions, which, taken

together, as everybody knows, make the fortunate sportsman, sailor,

and soldier; but he would be a very blamable and imprudent sportsman,

admiral, or general, who would always depend upon chance and his stars,

without troubling himself about those arts which are their particular

pursuits, and without providing the very best implements, which insure

success. I was not blamable either way; for I have always been as

remarkable for the excellency of my horses, dogs, guns, and swords, as

for the proper manner of using and managing them, so that upon the whole