The Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchausen

CHAPTER X

_Pays a visit during the siege of Gibraltar to his old friend General

Elliot – Sinks a Spanish man-of-war – Wakes an old woman on the African

coast – Destroys all the enemy’s cannon; frightens the Count d’Artois,

and sends him to Paris – Saves the lives of two English spies with the

identical sling that killed Goliath; and raises the siege._

During the late siege of Gibraltar I went with a provision-fleet, under

Lord Rodney’s command, to see my old friend General Elliot, who has, by

his distinguished defence of that place, acquired laurels that can never

fade. After the usual joy which generally attends the meeting of old

friends had subsided, I went to examine the state of the garrison,

and view the operations of the enemy, for which purpose the General

accompanied me. I had brought a most excellent refracting telescope with

me from London, purchased of Dollond, by the help of which I found the

enemy were going to discharge a thirty-six pounder at the spot where we

stood. I told the General what they were about; he looked through

the glass also, and found my conjectures right. I immediately, by

his permission, ordered a forty-eight pounder to be brought from a

neighbouring battery, which I placed with so much exactness (having long

studied the art of gunnery) that I was sure of my mark.

I continued watching the enemy till I saw the match placed at the

touch-hole of their piece; at that very instant I gave the signal for

our gun to be fired also.

About midway between the two pieces of cannon the balls struck each

other with amazing force, and the effect was astonishing! The enemy’s

ball recoiled back with such violence as to kill the man who had

discharged it, by carrying his head fairly off, with sixteen others

which it met with in its progress to the Barbary coast, where its force,

after passing through three masts of vessels that then lay in a line

behind each other in the harbour, was so much spent, that it only broke

its way through the roof of a poor labourer’s hut, about two hundred

yards inland, and destroyed a few teeth an old woman had left, who lay

asleep upon her back with her mouth open. The ball lodged in her throat.

Her husband soon after came home, and endeavoured to extract it; but

finding that impracticable, by the assistance of a rammer he forced

it into her stomach. Our ball did excellent service; for it not only

repelled the other in the manner just described, but, proceeding as I

intended it should, it dismounted the very piece of cannon that had just

been employed against us, and forced it into the hold of the ship, where

it fell with so much force as to break its way through the bottom. The

ship immediately filled and sank, with above a thousand Spanish sailors

on board, besides a considerable number of soldiers. This, to be sure,

was a most extraordinary exploit; I will not, however, take the whole

merit to myself; my judgment was the principal engine, but chance

assisted me a little; for I afterwards found, that the man who charged

our forty-eight pounder put in, by mistake, a double quantity of powder,

else we could never have succeeded so much beyond all expectation,

especially in repelling the enemy’s ball.

General Elliot would have given me a commission for this singular

piece of service; but I declined everything, except his thanks, which I

received at a crowded table of officers at supper on the evening of that

very day.

As I am very partial to the English, who are beyond all doubt a brave

people, I determined not to take my leave of the garrison till I had

rendered them another piece of service, and in about three weeks an

opportunity presented itself. I dressed myself in the habit of a _Popish

priest_, and at about one o’clock in the morning stole out of the

garrison, passed the enemy’s lines, and arrived in the middle of their

camp, where I entered the tent in which the Prince d’Artois was, with

the commander-in-chief, and several other officers, in deep council,

concerting a plan to storm the garrison next morning. My disguise was my

protection; they suffered me to continue there, hearing everything that

passed, till they went to their several beds. When I found the whole

camp, and even the sentinels, were wrapped up in the arms of Morpheus,

I began my work, which was that of dismounting all their cannon (above

three hundred pieces), from forty-eight to twenty-four pounders, and

throwing them three leagues into the sea. Having no assistance, I found

this the hardest task I ever undertook, except swimming to the opposite

shore with the famous Turkish piece of ordnance, described by Baron de

Tott in his Memoirs, which I shall hereafter mention. I then piled all

the carriages together in the centre of the camp, which, to prevent the

noise of the wheels being heard, I carried in pairs under my arms; and a

noble appearance they made, as high at least as the rock of Gibraltar.

I then lighted a match by striking a flint stone, situated twenty feet

from the ground (in an old wall built by the Moors when they invaded

Spain), with the breech of an iron eight-and-forty pounder, and so set

fire to the whole pile. I forgot to inform you that I threw all their

ammunition-waggons upon the top.

Before I applied the lighted match I had laid the combustibles at the

bottom so judiciously, that the whole was in a blaze in a moment. To

prevent suspicion I was one of the first to express my surprise. The

whole camp was, as you may imagine, petrified with astonishment: the

general conclusion was, that their sentinels had been bribed, and that

seven or eight regiments of the garrison had been employed in this

horrid destruction of their artillery. Mr. Drinkwater, in his account of

this famous siege, mentions the enemy sustaining a great loss by a fire

which happened in their camp, but never knew the cause; how should he?

as I never divulged it before (though I alone saved Gibraltar by this

night’s business), not even to General Elliot. The Count d’Artois and

all his attendants ran away in their fright, and never stopped on the

road till they reached Paris, which they did in about a fortnight;

this dreadful conflagration had such an effect upon them that they were

incapable of taking the least refreshment for three months after, but,

chameleon-like, lived upon the air.

_If any gentleman will say he doubts the truth of this story, I will

fine him a gallon of brandy and make him drink it at one draught._

About two months after I had done the besieged this service, one

morning, as I sat at breakfast with General Elliot, a shell (for I had

not time to destroy their mortars as well as their cannon) entered the

apartment we were sitting in; it lodged upon our table: the General, as

most men would do, quitted the room directly; but I took it up before

it burst, and carried it to the top of the rock, when, looking over

the enemy’s camp, on an eminence near the sea-coast I observed a

considerable number of people, but could not, with my naked eye,

discover how they were employed. I had recourse again to my telescope,

when I found that two of our officers, one a general, the other a

colonel, with whom I spent the preceding evening, and who went out into

the enemy’s camp about midnight as spies, were taken, and then were

actually going to be executed on a gibbet. I found the distance too

great to throw the shell with my hand, but most fortunately recollecting

that I had the very sling in my pocket which assisted David in slaying

Goliath, I placed the shell in it, and immediately threw it in the midst

of them: it burst as it fell, and destroyed all present, except the two

culprits, who were saved by being suspended so high, for they were just

turned off: however, one of the pieces of the shell fled with such force

against the foot of the gibbet, that it immediately brought it down. Our

two friends no sooner felt _terra firma_ than they looked about for the

cause; and finding their guards, executioner, and all, had taken it in

their heads to die first, they directly extricated each other from their

disgraceful cords, and then ran down to the sea-shore, seized a Spanish

boat with two men in it, and made them row to one of our ships, which

they did with great safety, and in a few minutes after, when I was

relating to General Elliot how I had acted, they both took us by the

hand, and after mutual congratulations we retired to spend the day with

festivity.

CHAPTER XI

_An interesting account of the Baron’s ancestors – A quarrel relative

to the spot where Noah built his ark – The history of the sling, and

its properties – A favourite poet introduced upon no very reputable

occasion – queen Elizabeth’s abstinence – The Baron’s father crosses from

England to Holland upon a marine horse, which he sells for seven hundred

ducats._

You wish (I can see by your countenances) I would inform you how I

became possessed of such a treasure as the sling just mentioned. (Here

facts must be held sacred.) Thus then it was: I am a descendant of the

wife of Uriah, whom we all know David was intimate with; she had several

children by his majesty; they quarrelled once upon a matter of the first

consequence, viz., the spot where Noah’s ark was built, and where it

rested after the flood. A separation consequently ensued. She had often

heard him speak of this sling as his most valuable treasure: this she

stole the night they parted; it was missed before she got out of

his dominions, and she was pursued by no less than six of the king’s

body-guards: however, by using it herself she hit the first of them

(for one was more active in the pursuit than the rest) where David did

Goliath, and killed him on the spot. His companions were so alarmed at

his fall that they retired, and left Uriah’s wife to pursue her journey.

She took with her, I should have informed you before, her favourite son

by this connection, to whom she bequeathed the sling; and thus it has,

without interruption, descended from father to son till it came into my

possession. One of its possessors, my great-great-great-grandfather,

who lived about two hundred and fifty years ago, was upon a visit to

England, and became intimate with a poet who was a great deer-stealer;

I think his name was Shakespeare: he frequently borrowed this sling, and

with it killed so much of Sir Thomas Lucy’s venison, that he narrowly

escaped the fate of my two friends at Gibraltar. Poor Shakespeare was

imprisoned, and my ancestor obtained his freedom in a very singular

manner. Queen Elizabeth was then on the throne, but grown so indolent,

that every trifling matter was a trouble to her; dressing, undressing,

eating, drinking, and some other offices which shall be nameless, made

life a burden to her; all these things he enabled her to do without, or

by a deputy! and what do you think was the only return she could prevail

upon him to accept for such eminent services? setting Shakespeare at

liberty! Such was his affection for that famous writer, that he would

have shortened his own days to add to the number of his friend’s.

I do not hear that any of the queen’s subjects, particularly the

_beef-eaters_, as they are vulgarly called to this day, however they

might be struck with the novelty at the time, much approved of her

living totally without food. She did not survive the practice herself

above seven years and a half.

My father, who was the immediate possessor of this sling before me, told

me the following anecdote: —

He was walking by the sea-shore at Harwich, with this sling in his

pocket; before his paces had covered a mile he was attacked by a fierce

animal called a seahorse, open-mouthed, who ran at him with great fury;

he hesitated a moment, then took out his sling, retreated back about

a hundred yards, stooped for a couple of pebbles, of which there were

plenty under his feet, and slung them both so dexterously at the animal,

that each stone put out an eye, and lodged in the cavities which their

removal had occasioned. He now got upon his back, and drove him into the

sea; for the moment he lost his sight he lost also ferocity, and became

as tame as possible: the sling was placed as a bridle in his mouth; he

was guided with the greatest facility across the ocean, and in less

than three hours they both arrived on the opposite shore, which is about

thirty leagues. The master of the _Three Cups_, at Helvoetsluys, in

Holland, purchased this marine horse, to make an exhibition of, for

seven hundred ducats, which was upwards of three hundred pounds, and the

next day my father paid his passage back in the packet to Harwich.

_ – My father made several curious observations in this passage, which I

will relate hereafter._

CHAPTER XII

_The frolic; its consequences – Windsor Castle – St. Paul’s – College of

Physicians – Undertakers, sextons, &c., almost ruined – Industry of the

apothecaries._

THE FROLIC.

This famous sling makes the possessor equal to any task he is desirous

of performing.

I made a balloon of such extensive dimensions, that an account of the

silk it contained would exceed all credibility; every mercer’s shop and

weaver’s stock in London, Westminster, and Spitalfields contributed to

it: with this balloon and my sling I played many tricks, such as taking

one house from its station, and placing another in its stead, without

disturbing the inhabitants, who were generally asleep, or too much

employed to observe the peregrinations of their habitations. When the

sentinel at Windsor Castle heard St. Paul’s clock strike thirteen, it

was through my dexterity; I brought the buildings nearly together that

night, by placing the castle in St. George’s Fields, and carried it

back again before daylight, without waking any of the inhabitants;

notwithstanding these exploits, I should have kept my balloon, and its

properties a secret, if Montgolfier had not made the art of flying so

public.

On the 30th of September, when the College of Physicians chose their

annual officers, and dined sumptuously together, I filled my balloon,

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