Brian Sheldon, Behind the glass. Poetry – читать онлайн – Альдебаран
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© Brian Sheldon, 2024

ISBN 978-5-0062-4304-0

Created with Ridero smart publishing system


***It’s like I was madeFor all of you to speak.A little misunderstood.Slightly overshadowed by your pressure.But do not call to leave life with me.In my eyes you see only peace.A patchwork to cover the wayAnd forget…And I will walk on it.In my dreams and thoughts all.I’m in this world for myself.***Midnight lightMy thoughts will leave my delirium.I’ll remember our glances,I’ll take the keys, the outfits.I’ll decorate my head with a flowerI’ll cover my world with the ceiling.I’ll let the wind carry me awayTo give answers to the light.I’ll hide in a dark bookAnd let them scream about what they can’t see.When you’re done flipping through the pages.You’ll understand me nowFor I am alive…***With chapped lips,With salty cheeks.I’ll finish it all illegally.There’s no truth in other people’s answersThere’s no truth.The cold lightEnvelopes the bodyAnd sharp outlines.«To you, hello,As in a moment of farewell.Close your eyesAnd be silentYour trainWaiting for you on your journey…***In moments of smiles she called,And then sat sadly alone.Waiting for a cab, counting the minutes.I put out one by one, reliving the morning.I was so nostalgic with the lights…I’ve been waiting for a taxi, I’ve been counting the minutes.I used to run and believe in miracles.Now closing in,I don’t seem to be alive.Only in my own worldIn peace I was,But I let myself die.Drops of life of despair fall,I’ll be filled with painAnd say goodbye.***Whatever the pain is,I will go through it myself.Life’s answers.Alone with myself I’ll scream and sobBut I won’t show it in the morningI’ll keep a box of woundsA box of woundsWith a fuzzy smile I’ll open all the doors,And at night I’ll scream wildly in my bedI’ll walk on the roof of lifeAnd I’ll only dream of keeping myself safeSo that I don’t lose all meaningTo pick it up at the drop of a hatI will walk in the rain again,But this happiness is limitless.Don’t walk away from the days of lifeI have only you.***And that’s what we all went through all this for?The minutes were senselessly lostAnd days, hours, forgotten as if…***To walk and not to dissolve.To breathe and not be forgotten.To lose my thoughts.With a new pain in bed.Scraps, scraps!Sticks poked at us.How quickly to leaveNot to call for a ghost.Wrapped in wiresAnd cry again…There’s two of us leftWho will we meet?Distance is meaningless.There’s no point in being bored***There is no advice without a reason.A hundred girlfriends swirled that summer.Only you lost yourself.No question, who am I now?!Once again the details of life are hidden,Everyone cried, «You’re different!Pouring down your hot throatThe remnants of what you remember when you’re alive.In the bulkhead, as in a play.Braided by dreams fluttering.sharpened all the things you lovedOnly my heart has already forgotten.***We can’t hear each other,We have forgotten that we are breathing.And through the open windowsI wanted to leave.I am broken myself,And it won’t be brave.I walk as if blind through life.Under the lonely moon,I’m always with her suffering.By the salt waterI will open the dawns.By the seals of the forgottenI will only hear the adviceTo leave this worldAs if forgetting everythingI’ll tell the emptiness!I miss the old me…***Waiting, waitingI’ve been sketchingMy answerIt’s the answer of an asshole.The vase is brokenThere’s water running down the glassLike salted bloodAll the things I didn’t burnI’ve never experiencedThe tenderness of fireNo more windThe earth is full.***I told you!That’s how I was greeted.With two words.Oh, Mama, what’s wrong with us now?!Oh pain, oh heart,The sorrow, the stones.How can you screamWhen your hand is on the bathtubAnd how to hurryWhen you feelYou’re already in the darkYou were talkingBut not about me***She’s talking about love again,You’ve forgotten your loneliness.Aren’t you tired of saying goodbye to him?Who are you lying to?You were just giving yourself away.And now,Take your miseryI see you every dayBut my thoughtsAre just a punishmentYou’ll be gladTo see what you’ve keptBut he won’t remember.Sweetheart.You’ll be alone again.***And he looked on indifferently,I only wanted to know the truth.The powder fire is burning again,It’s like we’re aloneAnd I’m the only one who sees youAnd I see you off and I miss you.And you’ve forgottenWhen you loved meI accept what I know.But I forget everything else.It’s time to take a stepTo the windsWhen you hurt meI’ll notice.***I sprinkle salt on my wounds,And I’m in tearsAnd I sufferAnd I’m willing to kill myself.Now I see it!It’s all in vainThe heart will forget.I forgive.I’ll feel betterI let go.***I never took offendedDid you?Yes!And rose again!And fall to pieces.And forgave!And I called!I was amazedIt pains me to seeThere’s another life hereAnd I don’t knowThe word grief.But I’ve experiencedAll I canI’ll finish myselfYou make me feel like I’m alone.***In the fervor of the wind,Of unbridled daysWe have forgottenWho in the world of menRuling over usAnd with our hands claspedWe answer-That our friendOnly fear.***And loyalty againAnd tears of forgiveness,Who are you gonna tell?!I don’t believe it!I forget the sorrowAnd loveBut I suffer so much!Crucified like two wingsScream, run!I’m alone again.Spreading the ashes,The muses are gone.Don’t wait for me.Another fate.***Minute soundsAnd laughter…We’re apartThat’s all she could think about.She couldn’t wait.I’ll be gone!I’m used to being alone.***I squeeze my lips until they bleed!And it doesn’t hurt.I’m inside.I smile and write.I don’t want to do this at all.I trample everything around me.When the pain goes awayAnd I walk away.I pick up the pieces of myselfAll the things I leave behindI forgetI go round and round againI can’t let goI’ll walk away.***Say you love me.Say it all without words.Tell me we can do anything.Tell me what love is.Tell me I’ll liveTell me I knowTell me what I want to hear.Tell me I’ll forget.Say it’s not a problem.Say I’ll see the sunrise.Say I’ll be forever…***And you’re at the door again, and he’s on the doorstep.Why don’t you understand?!You and I are not gods.For our moment together.I’ve already paid for it in tears.I’ve kept all the thingsThat I can’t hide from everyone.But tell me.What am I to you?***Don’t you know what pain is?What role will you play forever?What fairy tale will you stop believing in?Where the light will flickerAnd you’ll be tired of looking for it.Where shall I call you?You don’t understand me anymoreAnd the meaning of my wordsYou won’t findYou’ll leave your life behindMaking up phrasesHello sadnessSo sad,Were you waiting for me?***I won’t forgive you.I won’t forget you.I’ll let you go.I won’t be with you.***I don’t knowHow I’m gonna live my lifeI don’t knowHow I’m gonna forget my thoughtsHow I’m gonna watch the waterRunning down the glassHow am I gonna think?How am I gonna dream?!How do I believeIn what I love so much?How do I knowWhen I’ll come againWhen the gap is goneBetween usI’ll callLet’s write in our mindsWe used to be togetherWhat’s become of us?***When you’re asked to say– Don’t speakWhen you’re asked to live– Don’t believe.When you’re asked to trust.– Run away***And suddenly forgiveHow to miss the momentThe rhythm of life won’t let me stopI’m leaving againBut my heart roarsIn moments I’ve forgottenScreaming, it’ll pass!I don’t believe it! I don’t want to hear it!But a voice calls!Moments, thoughtsI knew it all!But how it hurts so much!For myselfI lost.***I believed, I thought!That’s how I left.In a new handwritingI began to writeBut I left the stemAnd a stamp.Why do I need all this?I’ll miss you.***There’s so much in them.Too bad they only suffer.They remember their fears and dream again.Unwanted before the light.We were together.We met each momentLike dropsreflecting the light.Run for it!You still have your dawn.***I can’t hide my tears every night.I’ve never been able to understand.What does it all mean?I’m tired of being confused by these daysYou’re thereBut without meI miss you unrequited and alone.Regret, anger and forget in the morning.That’s how time passesI’ll never know the final answerI’ll say it out loud I miss you!And in my mind I’m in painIt’s time to forgetI’m letting you go.***I don’t want to look for reasonsI don’t want to read objectionsI don’t want to whisper the life of timeI don’t want to forgetI don’t want to wake upI’ll let myself go.We had to part.***And step by step silence.And me and you and the full moon.It’s like we’re hand in handWalking through lifeWho was the hero?You’re the hero closest to me.You’re my pain.Where’s the laughter?***Tell me about it.Explain it to me.What’s wrong?You’re hurting me!Tell me.I’m collecting,I countAnd when I feel like crying.I suffer.***Scorched and no more.Sounds, soundsNo! Scream!They’ll leave a markAnd they’ll forget againI can’t.I’ll just be.***How many timesTo beat, to endure!Forgive all the painAnd cry again!To see the lineAnd only lightWhat is there to forgive?!Are you waiting for an answer?You’ve left yourself aloneSuffer!I’ll leave carelessness behind.***And danced again.Drinking, screamingMy pain wouldn’t let me go.But it kept coming backAnd I met it irrevocably.***To the creak, to the crunch.To the sighOf sad lips.To the sighing of sad minds,You draw a circle for yourself.And what? Is it goodbye already?What about the sky?! Heights!You must rememberForever…How sweet and bitterYou’ll leave now.And me?Bye…***Desperate momentsI’m going to forgetBut not nowAnd not in the momentsHow can I save myself?To hide myself in the morning?So that at dawnOnly to face life.And not to think of painTo hold back the trembling in my thoughts.With a divorce of the willLet me begin again.I want so muchCall me to sound.***It hurts so much to admit it!When I wanted to dream again,When I wanted to breakAnd smile! To dissolveWhen I wanted to forget my hurts.But so much bloodI’m gone.***You know what I realized?I don’t want a relationship.I don’t want to believe anything.I don’t want to feel.I don’t want to convince myself.I don’t want to get used to being alone.I don’t want to give up the fairy tale.And I want to live life.I care so much about this path.I don’t want to miss anything.I’d rather forget.I’d rather stop loving us.***In the sky’s placeShe carried the tidings of sorrow with her.But she spoke wellAnd something came to mind.A glass is brokenAnd I’m drunk.About the sweet ladyWho was always with meForgotten parts– Movement of the day.Forgiving, searching.I’m not waiting for you.***And no persuasion.And I’ve forgotten my faith.So write it down, what’s the big deal?!No sugar,How lucky I am.Will I remember?!That’s hilarious.Bad womanLet her suffer.***I cut it open, I sewed it up.But how do I take it out?I forgot.Now it’s gonna bother me forever.Oh, oh, oh, I may never see you again.But it’s just a ribbonI won’t forget.Here’s a tear.***One more time and it’s definitely over.It should go away.That’s not a good idea.You said hold it!Who knew what was ahead.But I haven’t decided for sure,I’m still going strong.And the moon is full of thoughts.Just two words– There she is.***And I’ll read– I won’t answerI’ll make an evening of it.Maybe with a drop of wineAn answer will comeWhere is she?Forgotten in your gloomy sorrow?Were you called somewhere?You’ve been so torn.Will you stop it?!And sleep is silent and it’s morning again.7:20…It doesn’t seem to be calling.***Stacked and intertwined,I shelve them in my head.But the ribbon is not strong enough.I can’t wrap my hand around it.I’ll only look at it once.But I promised!I need a deadline.How? Will it work?Without a trace!But I’m still holding out my hand.***Take it off the front page.Stack it in a shabby couch.Squeeze into a mattress.How are you?And only out of sight,And secretly read a book.If only I’d known sooner.I’d never remember!But I didn’t, and I don’t regret it.I wish, I hope, I just believe.***Not the first time, I’m sure.I’m gonna start counting now.You were afraid you’d be swept awayBut I’m different in life.I want so much and desire so much.You look at me in the ashesAnd I shimmer for youCalling and looking and watching.You wouldn’t understandAnd I’m like this.***Do you know how it works?And I’m always in doubt.But practice tells meThat there’s no truth in my thoughts.There’s a blob of usAnd a train of thoughtYou won’t believe it

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