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“Nothing to do with Darren,” Francesca answered her, but then frowned. “Or…maybe it does in a roundabout way.”
She ran her hand through her straight hair and sighed. “Why is it that just when I think I’ve learned from my past, that I’ve finally broken free from the kind of abusive home I grew up in, something happens that tosses me right back there again? Before I could talk, I knew my mother was under my dad’s thumb. When I was little, I learned why when I overheard Mom confiding in a friend, telling her my dad had forced her into marriage when she’d gotten pregnant. After Darren turned out to be controlling just like my dad, I swore off relationships.”
“I know you did. In the year since you’ve broken up with him, you haven’t even gone out on a date.”
“Yeah, well, I slept with a man last night. How is that for jumping into the fire?”
Tessa saw the panicked, troubled look in Francesca’s eyes. “You used protection?”
“Oh, yes, he had a condom.” Francesca sighed again and rubbed her face, then she shook her head. “Honest to goodness, Tessa, I don’t know what happened.”
“You mean he put something in your drink, or—”
“Heavens no.”
Tessa thought it was best if Francesca started from the beginning. “Who is this man?”
“Your dad probably knew his dad. In fact, you might even know him. His name is Grady Fitzgerald. His father was a saddlemaker and now Grady’s taken over the business.”
“Sure, I know him. Vince probably knows him, too. He worked in his dad’s saddle shop when we were married, though Grady was away at school then. My dad bought my first saddle from Mr. Fitzgerald and Grady delivered it to the ranch.”
“What was Grady like?”
“From what I remember, he wasn’t a joiner. Lots of girls had a crush on him but he seemed immune. He comes from a big family. He was a good rider and that’s probably why he’s so good at saddle making. He understands what the horse and rider need to be comfortable.”
Since Francesca was listening with avid interest, Tessa asked, “Are you going to see him again?”
She shook her head adamantly. “No.”
“Why not?”
“Because we’re very different people. We talked for a long time, Tessa, and I realized how different we were while we were talking.”
“Different how?”
“My career and the babies I treat mean everything to me. You know that. I’m on call more often than not, and I’d never say no when a baby’s in distress. It’s my life. Grady’s business is just a part of his life. He spends a lot of time with his family. Family has never done anything but hurt me…from my father’s abuse to my mom’s fear. I always felt I had to take care of my mom because she couldn’t take care of herself.”
Soon after Francesca and Tessa had become friends, she’d learned her story. Francesca had revealed that her mother had finally left her husband after he’d attacked Francesca when she was eight. But the years of being in the house with him, under the same roof, knowing he could control her mother because she was afraid of him, had scarred Francesca deeply. Her mother had died a few years ago from lung cancer and Francesca had once confided she felt like an orphan.
Now Tessa reassured her friend, “You have us. Me and Emily. You know you can count on us.”
“I know I can. But that’s different from what Grady has. He’s used to being part of a bigger picture. I’m used to being on my own. And it’s not just that. Grady’s about seven years older than me…in his midforties. He wants to stay in Sagebrush the rest of his life. You know I’m thinking about applying to Doctors Without Borders and seeing more of the world.”
Tessa let silence settle in for a few seconds. “So what’s the real reason you don’t want to see Grady again, in spite of all these differences?”
After a long moment, Francesca replied, “Exactly because I knew we were very different and something still happened. I was so attracted to him that differences didn’t matter and all we had was this…heat!” Francesca shook her head. “Besides, I’m not ready for a relationship. It hasn’t been that long since Darren.”
“It’s been a year.”
“It doesn’t seem like very long, and let’s face it, Tessa. I don’t trust men—not with my history with my dad and then not with Darren turning into somebody I didn’t know. He was so charming before I moved in with him, then he became controlling and manipulative and everything I didn’t want in a man.”
“You made a mistake.”
“Yeah, a big one. Apparently I was attracted to what I was trying to run away from. I can’t take the chance that that’s going to happen again.”
Tessa knew all about being afraid of making the same mistake twice.
The doorbell rang and Francesca’s eyebrows raised. “Are you expecting someone?”
“No, how about you?”
Francesca shook her head.
Before Tessa went to answer the door, she suggested, “Maybe it’s Grady.”
That comment drew Francesca through the living room into the foyer after her. But when Tessa opened the door, she didn’t find Grady Fitzgerald. She found Vince with Sean in his arms and a bag in his hand. She couldn’t have been more surprised.
Obviously seeing that, he explained, “We had our physical therapy with Carly Brennan this morning. She could fit us in first. It went really well. I just wanted to return your blouse and tell you how grateful I was for your recommendation.” He handed her the bag.
She’d mailed Vince’s shirt back to him the morning after their kiss. With Francesca almost hovering over her shoulder out of curiosity, Tessa said, “Why don’t you come in. Vince, this is one of my housemates, Francesca Talbot. Francesca, Vince Rossi.” The two shook hands as Tessa smiled at Sean, who seemed to be in robust health again. “How are you this morning? So you liked Carly, huh?”
Sean waved his left arm, tried to sit up against Vince’s chest and talked the baby syllables he knew best.
“He’s adorable,” Francesca cooed, always interested in babies. “Will he come to me?”
“He might,” Vince said. “He’s not shy of strangers.”
Tessa wanted to hold Sean, too, play with his little fingers and toes, brush his wisps of hair. But she knew she had to keep her distance. She couldn’t become involved with this baby any more than his father.
Francesca held out her hands to Sean and he went to her without any fuss. “I’ll take him out back to the yard. There’s a lot to look at out there.”
Sean seemed content with Francesca and didn’t even look back at his dad as she carried him away.
“She’s good with kids,” Vince observed, watching Francesca as she talked to Sean and he happily babbled back.
“She’s a neonatologist. She fills her life with helping newborns.” Then remembering ingrained manners, Tessa asked, “Coffee?”
“I had two cups while I was waiting for Sean. I think that’s enough for now.”
Tessa motioned to the sofa and Vince lowered himself to it. After setting the bag with her blouse on the end table, she sank down beside him, then realized she shouldn’t have. Their elbows were almost brushing. She turned sideways a bit but then her knee grazed his. Neither of them moved away. “Did Carly let you stay for the session?”
“Some of it. She spent a long while just making sure Sean was comfortable with her.”
“I understand that’s what she’s good at. She needs her patient’s cooperation and she usually gets it.”
Silence fell between them and when Tessa glanced at Vince, she felt all twittery inside.
“You look as if you’re going to jump up and fly away,” he remarked in a dry tone.
She made herself consciously relax and settle back into the sofa cushion. There was about a half inch of space between them and she was thankful for that, at least. She couldn’t move farther away without seeming too obvious.
“I feel like a teenager again,” he muttered, stepping into the void between them.
“Why?”
“I don’t know what to say or do with you, Tessa. At least when we were teenagers, I didn’t get the feeling you’d rather be anywhere else than sitting next to me.”
“That’s not the case,” she admitted, then wished she hadn’t.
His eyes darkened with memories and, gazing at him, she felt the old sizzle, the old pulsing awareness, yet something new, too. Still, she protested, “We’re not teenagers anymore. We’re old enough to know what’s right for us and what isn’t, what’s good for our lives and what isn’t.”
“Maybe we’re fighting too hard not to remember, fighting too hard not to regret. We can’t deny what we had, what happened. Don’t you think we can get past it? I can’t live in a vacuum while I’m here, Tessa. And Sean needs people around him who care about him.”
“Maybe I don’t want to care about Sean,” she confided. “Maybe it hurts too much.”
“Tessa,” he said gently, reaching out and touching her face, just like he used to when he was trying to comfort or console her. Her instinct was to back away, yet her heart was telling her not to move.
Could they move beyond the past?
“I came over to do more than thank you.” Vince dropped his hand. “Remember I said I was in touch with Ryder Greystone?”
“Yes, you said he’s on the Lubbock P.D.”
“He’s having a party tonight and invited me. He told me I could bring a guest. Would you like to go?”
Could she become friends with Vince? Could she get to the point where being together with him again was natural, not awkward? If he was going to be around town, she probably would see him and after all, Sean was her patient. But going to a party with him?
“Would this be a date?” she asked cautiously.
He tossed her a wry smile. “It would be whatever you want it to be.”
“Can I think about it and call you in a couple of hours?” She saw his frown. “Unless you’re going to ask someone else if I say no.”
“No. I’m not going to ask anyone else. A couple of hours will be fine.” After a look at her that told her better than words he was thinking about kissing her, he stood. “I’d better get Sean and take him home for lunch.”
As Vince turned to head toward the kitchen, Tessa clasped his forearm. “I don’t want to jump into anything I’ll regret.”
“I understand, Tessa, believe me I do. But it’s just a party. We’re simply going as friends. There doesn’t have to be more to it than that.”
Maybe that was true for Vince, but it wasn’t true for her. If she went to this party, she’d be saying “yes” to letting him back into her life. Would that be a foolish decision or a mature one?
She needed a few hours to figure it out.
Chapter Five
Beside Vince, at the door to Ryder Greystone’s house, Tessa wondered if she’d made a mistake by accepting his invitation. Vince had the rough appeal of a tough guy, always in control of himself in any situation. Yet the seductive appeal for her had always been his gentle hands and his tender heart. He only let that show, however, when he knew it was safe to do so. He was showing that side of himself with Sean and that’s what made him so hard to resist.
Ryder’s door suddenly flew open and the tall, good-looking cop stood there grinning at them both. “Well, well! Like old times. I told Vince to bring a guest but I never guessed it would be you.”
She and Vince had been awkward with each other in the car because this felt too much like a date. It didn’t help that he looked incredibly sexy in a black V-neck T-shirt and chinos. She didn’t need Ryder’s words to remind her what they’d been. “Not old times,” Tessa replied agreeably. “Just two friends running into each other and catching up.”
Vince tossed a quick glance her way at her explanation and took off his Stetson. “We both need some R & R and thought we could get it here.”
As if Ryder was suddenly aware of the tension between the two of them, he stepped back and motioned them inside. “There’s plenty to eat and lots of folks to mingle with.”
Vince offered his friend the box of imported chocolates he was carrying. “You can add this to the buffet.”
“Great. There aren’t any more classmates here, but, Tessa, you probably know a few of these people because they bring their kids to you.” He addressed Vince. “Some of the guys are here from the station, so you’ll have plenty to talk about. There’s music on the patio in case anybody wants to dance.”
Tessa was surprised by how many people were crowded into the small house.
Vince must have been thinking the same thing because he said, “You could get lost in here.”
A bit of the tension seemed to ebb between them.
“I haven’t stepped into a room where I didn’t know anybody for a long time,” she admitted.
“Not a partygoer?”
“Hardly. You know me, Vince. I focus on what’s in my life and don’t see much around it.”
“Do I know you, Tessa?” His gaze was penetrating, trying to see into corners where she didn’t want him to see.
The phrase had just slipped from her mouth and she chastised herself for not monitoring her words more carefully. “Some things about me haven’t changed,” she said honestly. “How about you?”
“The party scene was never my gig, but as far as walking into a room where I don’t know anybody, that happens a lot.”
“Investigating homicides?”
“Yeah.”
His brief answer told her that he didn’t want to talk about his years as a detective.
Then he looked thoughtful for a moment. “You have to deal with strangers all the time, don’t you?”
“You mean dealing with new patients? The funny thing is, they never seem like strangers. Focusing on their child gives us a bond.”
“You were always all about bonds.”
His voice was neutral and she couldn’t tell what he meant by that. “Is that a bad thing?”
“No. I was never like that until I met you.”
They’d both grown up without mothers but under different circumstances. Tessa had always missed her mother, even though she’d never known her. Her mom was like a piece that had been lost from her heart, and Tessa could never find it. That’s why she and her dad had stayed so close. But when Vince had lost his mother, apparently he and his dad had emotionally gone separate ways. She didn’t know if Vince had ever connected with anyone and held on for dear life. When they were teenagers, she’d thought they were holding on to each other.
But he’d let go.
A woman waved at Tessa from across the crowded room and she was grateful for the distraction.
“You know her?” Vince asked.
“She’s a medical secretary for one of the internists at Family Tree. Do you mind if I head on over?”
“Of course not. I’m going to rub elbows with some of the guys in the Lubbock P.D.”
As Tessa headed for the secretary, Vince went in the opposite direction. She breathed a sigh of relief. Being close to Vince put her on guard, kept her on her toes, urged her to protect her heart. Making small talk would be a wonderful break from that.
For the next two hours, as one conversation led to another, Tessa didn’t see Vince much, though she was aware of him at the far corner of the room talking with three men, then in a serious conversation with Ryder in the kitchen, and later loading his plate with a burrito and enchiladas. It was as if she had “Vince-radar” and couldn’t turn it off even if she wanted to.
The living room grew warmer in spite of the open windows and the screened sliding doors leading outside. Her wrap-around, silky, blue blouse felt almost molded to her back. She smoothed her hands over the thighs of her new jeans and excused herself from the conversation on the sofa. She needed fresh air. The colored lights drew her to the patio where the music had wandered from oldies to a salsa beat to everything in between.
As soon as she stepped onto the patio, she spotted Vince seated casually in a lawn chair, a tall bottle of water in one hand. Where most of the guys were drinking beer, he wasn’t. She wondered if he ever did and if not, was it because of his job? Or because of his father?
She was enjoying herself at the party, but coming with Vince? It was like she was with him, yet she wasn’t.
Purposely heading in the opposite direction from him, she stopped at the ice chest and was trying to decide if she wanted a soda or water when a hand clasped her shoulder. It was Vince’s. Years had gone by but not so many that she couldn’t remember what the touch of his hand felt like.
She turned, not knowing what to expect.
“Care to dance?” Vince asked in that casual way he had of making the important seem unimportant. There were couples all over the patio, some dancing, some sitting quietly in lawn chairs talking. The music had turned slow and dreamy and although the patio was covered with an awning, the black sky beyond was studded with stars.
“We’re at a party, Tessa. Dancing’s just part of it. No big deal.”
Right, it was no big deal to be held in Vince’s arms.
She walked into his hold and, for a few moments, silence pulsed with attraction they couldn’t deny was there. Unnerved by it, she said, “I guess you have a lot in common with the men here tonight.”
“Yes, I do.”
“You said you and Sean’s dad were friends as well as partners?”
“We were. We had each other’s backs. He was like a brother and when he married Carol, she was like family, too. She was family. I spent more time at their place than my own. And when Sean was born—I’d just come off a shift and was waiting at the hospital with Scott. I got to see Sean shortly after Scott did. He came out and got me.”
Tessa could hear the huskiness of emotion in Vince’s voice, and she realized how deeply he’d cared about his friends and about the baby who’d become his son.
“So Sean has no other family?”
“Only his great-aunt. I’m not sure what to think about her. I have to take pictures of him this week and send them to her. I suppose it’s better to stay in touch than not.”
Vince went quiet as they swayed to the music, in unison stepping to the left, to the right, front and back, his strong body intimately guiding hers. She shouldn’t let the intimacy happen. She closed her eyes, feeling burdened by the past, uncertain in the present.
His hold tightened and she opened her eyes. They’d come to the edge of the patio. Glimmers of light streaked the border of the flagstone.
Vince urged, “Come with me for a minute. I want to ask you something.”
He held her around the waist as they stepped off the patio onto the gravel and he tugged her around the side of the house. The moon was three-quarters full and her heart pounded with excitement. What could Vince want to ask her?
He stood close, as close as they’d been when they were dancing. “What do you feel when you see me with Sean?”
That wasn’t what she expected, though she didn’t know what she’d assumed Vince would ask. Did he think that pulling her into the shadows would help her give him a more honest answer?
“Vince, we shouldn’t leave the party. Everyone’s going to wonder—”
“No one’s going to miss us and you know it. There are too many people here for anyone to notice. Answer me, Tessa. What do you feel when you see me with Sean?”
She didn’t want to look at Vince, she really didn’t. She’d blocked thinking about how she felt with very good reason. Now with his question, she couldn’t block the emotion anymore. She could picture Vince bringing Sean into her office the first time, how she’d noticed right away how comfortable the baby was in his arms, the tender expression on Vince’s face. The night he’d called her to his condo, he’d been so worried. Before he’d put Sean to bed, the baby had nestled into his shoulder, knowing safety. And when he’d brought Sean to the house—
Her chest tightened and her throat almost closed, but not altogether. She managed to say, “It hurts, Vince. It hurts so much. I see our baby, our son, and I just ache.”
The tears came so fast she didn’t have the opportunity to blink them away. They rolled down her cheeks and caught on her chin.
Then Vince was holding her, his hand on the back of her head. He was stroking her hair, his lips at her temple.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I’m so sorry.”
Her breath hitched, and she couldn’t remember the last time she’d let herself cry like this.
One hand still on the back of her hair, Vince leaned away slightly and raised her chin with his thumb. A car door slammed.
The chatter of the party was just around the corner. The music smoothed into something bluesy and Vince’s mouth came down on hers. She was seventeen again, and he was everything she’d always wanted. The sweep of his tongue was possessive, and she kissed him back as if time and fate and distance hadn’t kept them apart.
Then as suddenly as she was overcome by his kiss, she rejected it. She rejected him and tore away.
“No! No, this isn’t happening. This can’t happen. I won’t let it. You’re here now, but you’re going to be leaving again. I have a life here, a life I want. I’m going to—”
She’d almost told him she was going to adopt a child, a child who needed her and a home just like Sean needed him. But she couldn’t confide her most important dream to him, not when she’d just confided her deepest hurt. She did not want this closeness or need it. She’d only be hurt by it. She knew that because she’d been hurt by him once before.
She tried to turn and run, but he held her by her shoulders.
“Stay still, Tessa. Stay still. I’m not going to hurt you. I’m not going to do anything. I never should have started this here, but I knew you didn’t want to be alone anywhere with me. I knew you’d never let me start this conversation if I didn’t spring it on you now.”
“And what good did it do, Vince? So now you know I hurt every time I see you with Sean. What good is that?”
“It’s honest.”
She inhaled slowly and then let her breath fade out of her mouth. “I’m going to go home. I can get a ride with someone.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I’ll drive you. I’ve had enough party to last me a while.”
They both had. Maybe tomorrow she could put this in perspective, but right now she couldn’t.
Sitting with Vince in his SUV, Tessa was grateful when his cell phone rang. The silence between them practically rippled in its intensity, but she knew nothing either of them could say would break it.
“Rossi,” he barked into his phone after he put it to his ear.
Tessa listened as he asked tersely, “When did it happen?” A pause. “Where?” Another pause. “I’m on my way, ETA ten minutes.” He glanced at Tessa as he put his flashers on and sped up. “There’s been an accident over on Route 82. Teenagers. I’ve got to get there. I can have an officer take you home.”
“Don’t worry about that. I might be able to do something to help.”
“Emergency services was called. The paramedics were dispatched. They’ll probably be there when we get there. But if you can help, too, I’m sure everyone will be grateful.”
“How many kids?”
“Six, from the eyewitness account. Let’s hope it’s not more.”
She knew better than to ask any questions about the accident. Until they were on the scene, nothing was for sure. Her stint in emergency medicine had not been one of her favorite rotations. She’d treated sullen gang members from drive-by shootings, knife wounds, heart attacks, strokes, and a multitude of other injuries and ailments. What she’d disliked most about the E.R. service was that there never had been any follow-up, not by her. If possible, patients were dispatched to their family doctor’s care. Many didn’t return to the E.R. The ones who did saw whichever doctor was scheduled for that day. Now Tessa looked forward to follow-ups, to the resolution of patient care.
“Are you often called out?” She knew Vince had a lot of administrative work to handle.
“If something major happens. If other jurisdictions are involved. I have to make sure protocol is observed and everything’s done by the book.”