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“Mrs. Zappa will watch Sean for you without any notice?”
“Without any notice.”
Five minutes later they drove up to the scene. Red, blue and white flashing lights practically illuminated the sky. Both cars from the accident were smoking, twisted pieces of metal. They looked older, possibly with no air bags, probably fixup cars like Vince’s truck had been.
She and Vince both jumped out of his SUV. He headed toward one of his officers. Tessa aimed straight for the paramedic in charge. She usually carried her medical bag wherever she went but tonight she didn’t have it. Tonight she’d wanted to forget she was a doctor and just be a woman.
But she should have known that wasn’t possible.
While she spoke to the medical responders, one ambulance pulled away, sirens blaring.
“We’re waiting for two more ambulances,” the EMT told her. “Two kids in the back of one car and one in the other weren’t wearing seat belts. We’re transporting them first.”
“Where do you need me?” she asked.
He motioned to two teenagers stretched out on the ground, blankets covering them, and IV lines already running. “Check on them and make sure vitals are stable. The girl has a broken leg. The guy’s shoulder is dislocated. Then you might want to check on the three kids talking to the police. They said they were okay but after an accident like this, we’ll want to examine them anyway.”
After inspecting the injured teenagers where an EMT monitored them, Tessa made her way toward the berm away from where the firemen were dealing with the crash vehicles. Three more teenagers were huddled there, blankets around them, while Vince and one of his officers spoke with them.
She asked Vince, “Are you finished with any of them?”
“Start with Linda,” he suggested gently, gesturing to the blond teenager to the right of the other two.
She crouched down beside Linda and asked quietly, “Are you dizzy? Short of breath? Anything like that?”
Linda shook her head.
Tessa asked her to scoot down a few feet from the others so she could take her pulse and her blood pressure with the cuff she’d lifted from the paramedic’s van.
“I’m worried about Amy,” Linda said, her voice catching. “Is she going to be all right? They took her away in an ambulance. After the crash, she wouldn’t answer me when I called to her.”
“Once we transport your friends to the hospital, we’ll know better how they’re doing. Now I just want to make sure you don’t have to go there, too.”
The wail of sirens was almost earsplitting. Two more ambulances pulled into the crash site and screeched to a halt. Tessa knew scenes like this were parents’ worst nightmares. She just hoped everyone here would be returned to their family safe and sound.
Tessa stayed at the scene long after the ambulances had pulled away. Someone handed her a cup of hot coffee and she sipped at it to stave off the slight chill. She’d heard bits and pieces from officers’ conversations as well as emergency personnel. The kids in one car had been drinking. They had run a red light and slammed into the other car. She wouldn’t want to be doing what Vince was doing now, making calls to the kids’ parents.
Then he was on the move again, striding toward her fast.
“I have to get to the hospital and talk to the parents of the kids who were most seriously injured. John will take you home.”
“I’ll go with you.”
“Why?”
“Because I know the parents of the girl who was most seriously injured, Amy Garwin. I treat her younger brother and sister. I might be able to help somehow.”
The wide brim of Vince’s hat shadowed his face. She couldn’t really see into his eyes.
“All right,” he finally agreed, “but I have to ask some tough questions. Don’t get in the way of that.”
“I won’t.”
After a studying moment, he nodded, and they hurried to his SUV.
At the hospital, Vince questioned the two teenagers who were injured but conscious and spoke with their parents. He was aware of Tessa at first consulting with medical personnel, then conversing quietly with Amy Garwin’s parents. The mom was crying and her husband’s arm circled her.
Vince’s stomach clenched and his chest grew tight. When he’d inquired about Amy’s condition, the nurse had told him the teenager was not conscious and tests were being run. He didn’t want to intrude on her parents at a time like this, but he had to talk to everyone at some point. That’s just the way it was.
Tessa was seated in a chair across from the couple. He introduced himself, then consulted his notepad.
“You’re Mr. and Mrs. Garwin?”
The couple nodded, the petite redhead holding on to the arm of her husband.
“Do you have to do this now?” Tessa asked in a low voice.
“I’m afraid I do. How is your daughter?” he asked Mrs. Garwin.
Her eyes brimmed with tears. “She’s not waking up. They can’t make her wake up.”
“They’re doing an MRI,” Mr. Garwin explained. “That’s why we’re waiting here.”
Respecting what they were going through, Vince kept his interview short. After all, Amy hadn’t been driving. She’d been one of the passengers in the backseat of the tan sedan, not wearing her seat belt.
When he finished with the Garwins, he consulted with a paramedic who had first arrived on the scene. Tessa and the couple disappeared.
Vince sank into one of the chairs to review his notes, to make sure he hadn’t left anything out or forgotten details. The insurance companies were going to have a field day over this one and he wanted to make sure every i was dotted and every t crossed. Besides, it kept him from thinking of the teenager who wasn’t waking up, the girl who would be having her leg set, the boy with the dislocated shoulder. One carful of kids had been doing what they were supposed to do, driving home after a pool party with friends. The other carload of kids had been drinking. He wanted to slam his fist through a wall, just like he’d wanted to do some of those nights when he’d come home and found his dad drunk on the living room floor. But he’d learned long ago to channel his anger into something more productive.
He stood when he saw Tessa walking toward him. It was hard to believe mere hours ago he’d been holding her in his arms. She’d felt good there…too damn good. Was that why he’d messed up the evening with his question? What had he intended to accomplish by making her voice the pain they’d both experienced?
“Are you finished here?” she asked, glancing at his notebook.
“For now. I can drop you off on the way back to my office. I want to do the paperwork while it’s still all fresh in my mind.”
“You go ahead. I’m going to stay here for a while with the Garwins.”
“What did the tests show?”
“Amy has a severe concussion. Now we just have to wait and hope.”
Vince’s grip tightened on the notebook. “I can’t imagine being in their position. Elective surgery with Sean is bad enough.”
“Amy was in the car with the kids who weren’t drinking. If she’d only had her seat belt on—”
Vince shook his head. “You can tell them what to do and teach them right, and still this kind of thing can happen. Why would anyone want to be a parent?”
“You tell me,” Tessa suggested softly.
“I’m sorry, Tessa. I shouldn’t be talking about this with you.”
She brushed her hair over her shoulder and gave a shrug. “I have to face these kinds of conversations a lot with the parents of the kids I treat. I manage to detach most of the time. I understand what you’re saying, Vince, but you already know the other side of it. You know the deep joy of having Sean grip your finger, of holding him in your arms, of seeing him smile. There’s no way to prevent the heartache. You can only hope the joy outweighs it.”
He was reminded again of how strong a woman Tessa had become. She wasn’t the teenager who had looked to her father for support and comfort. “How are you going to get home?”
“I know many people here. There’s a nurse up on Amy’s floor whose shift ends in a couple of hours. She’ll give me a ride back to Sagebrush.”
“And if something happens and you decide to stay the night?”
“Then Francesca or Emily will come and get me. Don’t worry about me, Vince. I’ll be fine.”
In other words, she didn’t need him. He’d take her at her word.
She glanced over her shoulder at the elevator. “I’d better get back up there. Thanks for inviting me to the party tonight. I don’t socialize as much as I should.”
“We’re going to talk about what happened.”
She shook her head. “There’s no need to talk about it.”
Her voice was sure of her conclusion, yet in her eyes he saw a flicker of uncertainty. No matter what she thought, they had something to finish.
“Sean’s appointment with Rafferty is this week. I’ll let you know if we’re going ahead with the surgery.” He slid the pen he’d been using into his pocket. “Take care of yourself, Tessa.”
“I will,” she murmured.
He turned and walked away first. But as he exited the hospital, leaving didn’t feel right…just as leaving hadn’t felt right twenty years ago.
Chapter Six
On Friday afternoon, Tessa was between patients at her office when the receptionist peeked around the inner door. “You received a call from Vince Rossi. He asked if you’d phone him at your earliest convenience.”
Tessa knew Vince wouldn’t call without a good reason. He would just leave a message on her home phone if he wanted to…invite her to another party? Talk? Try to finish something that would never have an end?
No, if Vince was calling her here, he had word on Sean.
Taking out her cell phone, she slipped into her office and shut the door. His number was one of the few on her call list. She hit Send and waited.
He picked up on the second ring. Without preamble, he said, “Dr. Rafferty believes surgery will give Sean full use of his arm.”
“That’s wonderful! How soon does he want to do the surgery?”
“Next Tuesday—early.”
Vince didn’t sound overjoyed or relieved, and she guessed why. At his continued silence, she asked, “Vince?”
“He’s only seven and a half months old, Tessa. The idea of anesthesia scares me as much as the possibility that surgery might not go well.”
She understood his concerns, but she also knew Vince needed to stay as optimistic as possible for Sean’s sake. “Don’t borrow trouble. Dr. Rafferty’s one of the best. You’ve got to be positive about this and not let Sean feel your fear.”
He was quiet for a moment, then asked, “And just how am I supposed to keep from worrying?”
She knew Vince would never admit he was afraid. “You can worry, just don’t let it show. Think about Sean catching a baseball, throwing a pass, lifting a fork with his right hand. See those pictures in your mind and don’t let go of them.”
“Is that how you get through the tough times? You imagine good outcomes?”
“As often as I can.”
“You would have made a good cheerleader,” Vince joked.
“I wanted to try out, but…” She stopped, not delving into that territory.
“But your dad wouldn’t let you because of the short skirts?” Vince guessed.
“Something like that. I think he was more afraid I’d climb to the top of one of those pyramids and then break something. You can’t let your concerns hold Sean back.”
“I know that. Right now I’m trying to decide whether or not I should tell his great-aunt that the surgery is scheduled. I could just wait until it’s all over.”
“Wouldn’t you want to know?”
“I’m not sure. I can save her worry if I call her after the fact to tell her it was successful.”
“On the other hand…”
“On the other hand, Janet is his only living relative. She deserves to know what’s happening with him,” he admitted to himself and to her.
Caring about both Vince and Sean in spite of the warnings she’d given herself, Tessa offered, “Would you like me to come to the hospital Tuesday morning? I have office hours in the afternoon and evening.”
“Only if you want to.”
Want to. Need to.
Tessa wasn’t sure what was going on with her and Vince, what was in the past and what was in the present. But from her experience as a pediatrician, she knew how parents felt when their children went to surgery. They usually had family support. Vince and Sean were alone.
“I’ll find you after rounds.”
“I’ll understand if you get tied up, Tessa.”
When she closed her phone, she knew she was getting involved again. She couldn’t help herself. But she’d make sure her defenses were firmly in place. She’d make sure she kept her heart safe.
Vince was determined to stay by his son’s side while the nurses prepared him for surgery. For the most part, they let him. He touched Sean often—a hand on top of his head, fingers stroking his baby arm, his expression as calm and serene as he could make it for his son. For a while, he had no idea that Tessa was standing in the doorway watching him, but when he looked up, there she was.
She was all business today, in green linen slacks, a cream blouse, with a white lab coat over it all. A little of his attention slipped from Sean to her. She made his heart jump, damn it.
Tessa crossed the room and stood beside Vince, smiling at the nurse who was putting a little paper cap on Sean’s head.
“They have to take him now,” she murmured to Vince, meeting his eyes.
Had Tessa known how very difficult this moment would be? Vince wrapped his fingers around Sean’s little hand. Tessa must have understood his sudden panic because her expression was full of empathy.
“Trust Dr. Rafferty,” she encouraged him.
“This isn’t just about putting my trust in a surgeon,” Vince returned in a low voice. “It’s about Sean being separated from me, the one anchor he’s got in this world right now. It’s about any pain he might experience. If I could go through this instead of him, don’t you think I would?”
As his gaze held Tessa’s, so many emotions rushed through him. Even though they’d been teenagers at the time, they’d known each other as intimately as a man and woman could. That intimate knowing was still there whether or not either of them wanted to admit it.
Tessa succumbed to it as she stepped closer and clasped his arm. “You have to see the outcome in your mind. You have to believe Sean will handle surgery easily, heal quickly and have use of his arm for years to come. Concentrate on that, not on the rest.”
When she released his arm, Vince wondered if he’d deluded himself about a bond between them. Tessa must have given this same speech to countless parents. “This is old hat for you, isn’t it?”
A shadow of vulnerability passed over her face. “Never. Believe me, Vince. Seeing one of my patients go into surgery is never easy and it never ‘doesn’t matter.’”
“You’ll burn out, caring so much,” he predicted, again pushing away pictures of the shy seventeen-year-old she’d once been.
“You mean I’ll burn out if I don’t stop caring, so I should detach myself and walk away? I can never be that kind of doctor. For me to help people, compassion is as important as skill. And I’m not so different from Francesca and any other doctors who work at Family Tree and in this hospital.”
The nurse, also wearing a paper cap and scrubs, said to Vince, “I have to take him now.”
Vince knew this wasn’t life-and-death surgery, but he also knew anything could go wrong. He concentrated on the picture of Sean throwing a baseball, touched his son’s cheek, whispered to him, “I love you. I’ll see you soon,” and then stepped back from the gurney.
Tessa gently touched Sean’s cheek.
As the nurse pushed the gurney down the hall, Vince balled his hands into fists and all of his control held him back from running after the stretcher.
Tessa touched him lightly on the shoulder. “Come on. Let’s get some coffee.”
Vince focused on her, thinking coffee was the last thing he needed. His stomach was burning with worry.
Then she made another suggestion.
“Or we could go to the chapel.”
“I was in a church for Scott and Carol’s funeral. That was the first time since I was a kid. My next-door neighbor had taken me when I was around eleven.”
“It’s a place to find peace and comfort,” she offered in a quiet voice that wasn’t coaxing but rather sure.
“Do you still go to church?” She had when they were teenagers.
“Yes, I do. Every Sunday. The same church I was christened in.”
How had they ever gotten together with their different backgrounds, with their opposite lifestyles? “All right,” he agreed. “We can try the chapel, but I doubt if I’ll worry any less while we’re there.”
Ten minutes later, they were seated in the pews and Vince didn’t know what he was supposed to do. He glanced at Tessa and saw she had folded her hands in her lap and her eyes were closed.
If he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, maybe he could relax…if nothing else. He tried it but without much success.
Tessa must have sensed his restlessness. “Do you ever just go outside at night and look up at the sky and feel the…immensity of everything?” she asked softly.
He knew what she was getting at. “I think that’s why I stayed in Albuquerque. The sky there—during the day and at night—just seems to lift you up. The cliffs and the mountains even more. Sometimes I’d just stop by the side of the road, get out of the car and stand there in the sun looking into the sky, or into…I don’t know, something much bigger than me.”
“Can you think about that now? Can you think about the best for Sean and you?”
“Are you saying that’s praying?”
“Yes, I think it is.”
Their shoulders were touching, and so were their hips and thighs. But at the moment, he wasn’t revved up because he desired Tessa. He was revved up because this closeness, this talking about something as intimate as prayer seemed so right. Tessa amazed him. There was always a deeper place he could go with her, where he could always find what he needed.
He did as she suggested and, in a while, realized his breathing had slowed. Hope for Sean’s future drove the fear from him.
After a while, they both sat back and he covered her hand with his. “Thanks for being here.”
She gazed at him but said nothing. He knew that was best. They were just here in the moment and that’s the way it had to be.
Dr. Rafferty was somber as he stepped into the waiting room later Tuesday morning after Sean’s surgery.
Vince stood immediately, Tessa close beside him. He was grateful she’d gotten him through this three-and-a-half-hour waiting time by talking about Sean, pulling stories from Vince about his stint in the Air Force, relating how she and Francesca and Emily had met and lived in a house together. She’d kept conversation rolling to keep him from thinking.
Now, with her elbow brushing his arm, he felt Sean had two champions no matter what happened.
The surgeon strode to Vince and nodded. “The nerve reconstruction surgery went well. I also removed scar tissue that had been blocking nerve signals. I believe Sean will be one of the fortunate ones, if you’re willing to be patient.”
“I can be patient,” Vince assured the doctor with rough emotion in his voice.
“What will be the recuperation time?” Tessa asked.
“His arm will be in a soft sling for about three weeks. Then he can start physical therapy. But we won’t see results for four to six months and it could be years until he has full use of his arm.”
“Can we see him?” Vince asked, needing to know his son was really okay.
“You’ll be able to see him in recovery in about a half hour. After he’s alert and his vitals are good, we’ll settle him in a room.”
A short time later they were standing by Sean’s crib. Tessa crouched down on one side and murmured to the little boy. Sean responded with a smile and a babble.
“What did you tell him?” Vince asked.
“That he’s the best little boy in the whole world.”
Vince crouched down at his son’s other side and Sean turned his face to his dad. “We’re just going to treat this like a great adventure. ou won’t be alone from now on, cowboy. I’m staying here with you tonight. We’ll be together until you come home.”
Vince couldn’t tell if Sean understood or not, but his son reached for Vince’s hand.
Tessa stood gazing at both of them. “I’m glad you’re staying tonight. Sean will feel safe and protected…and loved.”
“I hope so. Sometimes it’s easier to know the right thing to do than at other times.”
Tessa’s and Vince’s gazes locked.
The beeping of the automatic blood pressure monitor interrupted the sweep of memories that always seemed to suck them in.
The sound gave Tessa the opportunity to turn away and check her watch. “I’d better go. If I start office hours on time, I might finish at a decent time. When I get finished, would you like me to bring you takeout?”
“That would be great. I probably won’t want to leave him.”
“I can imagine what you’re feeling, Vince, but when Sean naps, take a break. You need to take care of yourself, too.”
He was staring at her over his son’s crib, thinking about the two of them together…the two of them taking care of Sean together. Was that too crazy to hope for?
“Do you care if I take care of myself, Tessa? Do you care about Sean’s outcome as more than his doctor?”
They were in a corner of the recovery room with medical personnel stationed at the other end.
“Vince, this isn’t the place—”
“Isn’t it?”
Her eyes were wide with a vulnerability she rarely showed him.
“I care about you and Sean. Maybe too much.”
Tessa believed those were the words he needed to hear right now. Her denial had ended because they were true. Maybe after this crisis, they could figure out how involved they were going to be in each other’s lives.
Tessa peeked into Sean’s hospital room at nine o’clock that night, gripping two take-out bags. Vince had pulled a chair over to the crib and laid his hand on his son’s arm. The tableau touched Tessa deeply and she gripped the bags a little tighter. Just what had she admitted to Vince this afternoon? What had he deduced from it?
She entered the baby’s room now and spotted the recliner that had been rolled in so Vince could stay the night. He was unaware of her presence until she tapped him on the shoulder.
He went still for a moment, then rose from the chair. “I’m losing my instincts,” he said gruffly. “I should have sensed you coming.”
“All of your attention is on Sean. I can understand why you didn’t.”
He shook his head. “That’s no excuse.” He inhaled deeply and smiled at the bags in her hand. “Is that food?”
She grinned back. “I don’t know what’s going to happen if you eat enchiladas this time of night, but I know they’re your favorite. At least they used to be. You haven’t sworn off of them, have you?”
He laughed. “No.”
Handing Vince the bags, she went to the crib and looked down at the baby. “Has he been awake?”
“On and off. He fell back to sleep a little while ago. He’s been through a lot. I’m just grateful Rafferty thinks the surgery was successful.”
“Remember, the improvement will happen slowly.”
“I know. I’ll be patient about it. I have no choice.”
Tessa was close to Vince and she liked the sensation of her shoulder bumping his. Vince had always made her feel safe and protected and cared for. Until—
Until he’d been silent and uncommunicative when he’d visited her in the hospital. Until he hadn’t objected to her going home with her father.
She couldn’t help but lean over Sean and whisper in his little ear, “I hope you’re having sweet dreams, baby. You deserve good dreams from here on out.”
Tessa could feel Vince’s gaze on her and she swallowed hard. Turning toward him, she said, “I’m sorry I’m so late. I had an emergency and then patients got backed up.”