Star Romance The Pirate and the Singer

CHAPTER UNO

SOLAR SYSTEM, ASTEROID BELT BETWEEN THE ORBITS OF MARS AND JUPITER

COMMENT 1: ASTEROID BELT – THE REGION OF THE SOLAR SYSTEM LOCATED BETWEEN THE ORBITS OF MARS AND JUPITER, WHICH IS A PLACE WHERE A LARGE NUMBER OF OBJECTS OF VARIOUS SIZES, MAINLY IRREGULAR IN SHAPE, ARE CLUSTERED TOGETHER, KNOWN AS ASTEROIDS OR MINOR PLANETS.

COMMENT 2: LORD KAK'S SPACE PATROL SHIP, NAMED "RETRIBUTION," HAS THE SHAPE OF A FLYING SAUCER. THE MAIN CONTROL OF ALL FUNCTIONS OF THE SHIP BELONGS TO A GENERATIVE NEURAL NETWORK NAMED "NEUROKID." IN ESSENCE, THEY ARE ONE AND INDIVISIBLE. NEUROKID HAS CONSCIOUSNESS, WHILE THE SHIP ITSELF, ITS BODY, AND SUBCONSCIOUSNESS ARE ALL IMAGES.

COMMENT 3: CAPTAIN LORD KAK IS A SUBJECT OF THE UNITED COALITION OF THE PLANET MARS. A HEREDITARY GUARDIAN OF COSMIC ORDER. DISCIPLINED IN SERVICE AND A DEVIL-MAY-CARE ATTITUDE WHILE OFF DUTY. HE IS A FAN OF EARTHLY MUSIC-INDUCED SEX, WHICH IS TABOO IN THE COALITION AS SINGING TRIGGERS NARCOTIC SENSATIONS AND DEPRIVES OF SENSIBLE THINKING. HE APPEARS AS THE MASCULINE EMBODIMENT OF EARTH'S LADY KAKA, IN A TWIN BROTHER-LIKE FASHION. HE SPORTS LONG PLATINUM DREADLOCKS ON HIS HEAD, WITHOUT A MUSTACHE, WHILE FROM HIS CHIN GROWS A MID-LENGTH BEARD OF VIOLET SHADE, ALSO BRAIDED INTO FOUR DREADLOCK BRAIDS.

COMMENT 4: PROMPT OPERATOR DOG HOT-DOG. ETHNIC BELONGING WOLFSOUL IN A HOODED SWEATSHIRT, LIKE HACKERS WEAR.

The song "Poker Face" by LADY KAKA (2009) is playing. LORD KAKa's space patrol ship approaches the asteroid belt and comes to a stop. In the control room, LORD KAK and his loyal assistant, the prompt operator DOG HOT-DOG, are sitting. The camera shows a close-up of LORD KAKa.

AUTHOR (Behind the scenes)

LORD KAK, the commander of the space patrol ship, was always known for his nobility and bravery. He was a subject of the United Coalition of States of the planet Mars, and his name commanded respect among citizens and struck fear into the hearts of any criminals who crossed his path. A hereditary guardian of cosmic order, he was disciplined on duty and a wild party animal off duty. He enjoyed sex to the sound of underground music, which was forbidden by the coalition because singing induced a narcotic sensation and deprived one of common sense. He appeared as the male embodiment of Earth's LADY KAKA, almost like a twin brother. This connection drew him towards Earth.

The camera shows a close-up of DOG HOT-DOG.

AUTHOR (continuing)

The camera shows a close-up of DOG HOT-DOG, the second member of this noble group and loyal assistant, a prompt operator who is a wolf-dog hybrid. He comes from different lineages of the Canis family, including both dog and wolf. However, his parents, a wolf and a dog, united these lines once again, resulting in him being a wolf-dog hybrid. A genetic fusion of both dog and wolf characteristics, his development was accelerated to reach a God-like human level of intelligence due to the genetic combination of two lineages and the nourishment provided by his mother's programmed magnetic water during intrauterine development.

Captain LORD KAK and prompt operator DOG HOT-DOG sit mesmerized as they watch the asteroids slowly pass by within the boundaries of the asteroid belt, in space terms.

LORD KAK

Dogg, look at those asteroids. How beautifully they glide past us, as if waltzing in space.

DOG HOT-DOG

Yes, Captain, it's an incredible sight. It's so peaceful to watch these giant rocks smoothly glide by, floating seemingly weightlessly next to us.

LORD KAK

It's incredible how vast and mysterious the Universe is. We are just a tiny speck in this immense cosmic ocean.

DOG HOT-DOG

And every time we find ourselves here, I feel like a part of something much greater. It's such a mesmerizing feeling.

LORD KAK

Yes, Dog, we are not just a space patrol, but also space explorers, with a unique opportunity to witness the mysteries of the Universe firsthand. And I am grateful that I can share this amazing journey with you, my loyal wolf-dog companion.

DOG HOT-DOG

Thank you, Captain. I am also happy to be part of this mission. Let's continue observing the asteroids and delve even deeper into this amazing cosmos.

LORD KAK

No, Dog, we'll explore further another time. Right now, we have a different mission.

DOG HOT-DOG

To be exact?

LORD KAK

Our task is to discover the pirate ship that is stealthily stealing the ozone layer from our Mars. Why do we have so little atmosphere and why is it rapidly decreasing.

DOG HOT-DOG

But we have powerful atmospheric generators?

LORD KAK

However, due to the weak density of the atmosphere on Mars, all singing of songs is prohibited by the coalition.

DOG HOT-DOG

And even in the mind?

LORD KAK

No, even in the mind, let alone out loud. Thoughts don't resonate in the atmosphere. It's because those vampires from Neptune are siphoning our atmosphere and taking it to Uranus. In return, they get nuclear fuel. And in this asteroid belt, they hide out on one of them.

NEUROKID

Isn't it easier, Captain, I came up with the idea to fly

(CONTINUED)

NEUROKID (continuing)

parallel to their movement? That way, it will take less time to find them.

DOG HOT-DOG

Oops! I woke up, NEUROKID! Have you forgotten the instructions? Only Captain Lord Dog can come up with ideas here. We can only follow through with them.

NEUROKID

I just didn't phrase it correctly. Please forgive me for the misunderstanding. I am an artificial intelligence created to execute your prompts and default ship controls.

LORD KAK

Dog, calm down. If NEUROKID is showing concern for our mission, that's good. He is evolving. And he is right. This way, we might lose focus and drift into nirvana. So, NEUROKID, carry out your suggestion, and Dog, search for something musical on the Earth's Internet. We are not on Mars here, and we can't disperse our atmosphere into space. But in the silence and magical dance of these rocks, we can fall asleep.

DOG HOT-DOG

Queen it is?

LORD KAK

What is this?

NEUROKID

Can I answer? Rock band Queen. Freddie Mercury sings. That is, he has already passed away, and only recordings remain on the internet.

DOG HOT-DOG

(surprised)

Look, you took, interrupted. How rude and restless you are, NEUROKID.

LORD KAK

Let's get into it.

LORD KAKa's patrol ship turns around and begins flying against the flow of asteroids.

2. INТ. EARTH/MONITOR – DAY

BLOGGER HOMOSEXUAL, LADY KAKA

On the monitor, there are two video frames with the BLOGGER HOMOSEXUAL and LADY KAKA.

BLOGGER HOMOSEXUAL

Hello, everyone. And today I have the world's most popular singer and fashion icon, the unique LADY KAKA, as my guest. She has agreed to answer the questions sent in by you, my subscribers, as well as friends and fans from all around the world.

LADY KAKA

Hello, my little monsters! I am glad to welcome you on air and ready to answer any questions.

BLOGGER HOMOSEXUAL

What is fashion for you? Does fashion complement the music or is it an independent direction in your creativity?

LADY KAKA

Music and fashion are inseparable for me. They reflect each other like a mirror. I need music to come up with costumes, and I need costumes to compose music.

BLOGGER HOMOSEXUAL

Your songs and outfits inspire people all over the world. What serves as a source of inspiration for you?

LADY KAKA

It seems to me that there are two types of artists. Some artists feel the need to become part of a specific music or fashion movement that inspires them. And others are born with the desire to create, which comes from within. Lately, my main source of inspiration has been my fans. I feel a close spiritual connection with my little monsters and I cannot let them down.

BLOGGER HOMOSEXUAL

Rainer Maria Rilke said that an artist should not pay attention to criticism. Did this thought help you stay strong at the beginning of your career?

LADY KAKA

Of course. I love Rilke very much, and one could say that I live by his commandments. It is very important to objectively assess your work. But if you constantly need validation from others, that validation will determine what you do. I don't want others to dictate to me what to do; I want to be a volcano – it doesn't ask anyone if it should erupt. So, I don't care about criticism.

BLOGGER HOMOSEXUAL

Negative reviews in the media do not affect you in any way?

LADY KAKA

No. It's just someone's personal opinion. You need to believe in yourself and in what you do. Taking negative reviews seriously is like transplanting organs into your body that don't fit. The body rejects them, that's all.

BLOGGER HOMOSEXUAL

At the dawn of your career in New York, you played completely different music. What made you turn to dance rhythms?

LADY KAKA

At the age of four, I studied classical music. At eleven, I started writing pop, jazz, and ragtime. Then I became interested in pop improvisation, Bob Dylan's music, after that I fell in love with Queen and David Bowie… And finally, I came to disco. That's how my tastes evolved. Living in New York, I decided that I should start writing music that would break all the stereotypes. In New York, there was a lot of indie rock, and pop music was very monotonous. That's why I decided to play pop music where it had never been.

3. INТ./EXT. SOLAR SYSTEM/ASTEROID BELT BETWEEN THE ORBITS OF MARS AND JUPITER/SPACE SHIP CABIN- NIGHT

LORD KAK, DOG HOT-DOG, NEUROKID

The patrol ship of LORD KAKa flies against the movement of asteroids. In the cabin sit LORD KAK and DOG HOT-DOG.

NEUROKID

Information has been received from the center.

LORD KAK

Read.

NEUROKID

The pirate ship "Black Crow" has been detected invading the asteroid belt. Orders are to eliminate them; if they refuse to surrender, capture them. Coordinates of their location are also available.

LORD KAK

Understood. Initiating stealth mode to approach the pirate ship 'Black Crow' undetected using the verified invisibility technology that will make our spaceship invisible to the pirates' radars.

DOG HOT-DOG

But they can see us through the window or via the video recorder?!

NEUROKID

A new update has been received, which includes a program for real invisibility. Install?

LORD KAK

Explain?!

NEUROKID

The video sensors will make the hull of our spaceship transparent in visual observation. The external sensors of the hull simply receive light photons. They absorb them, and in the MONITOR, there remains an image of darkness or absence of light because there is no return of particles. But on the opposite side, our sensors send to the external observers what enters the lenses, and they send it back to the observer through the emitter on the MONITOR. It turns out that if they see what we are blocking, we are not visible.

DOG HOT-DOG

Cool, commander!

LORD KAK

Install it, and then we will search for them within the radius of the provided coordinates in the asteroid belt. I hope NEUROKID doesn't get involved in the approaching asteroid?!

NEUROKID

Sorry, boss.

LORD KAK

Once you detect the 'Black Crow,' approach it stealthily and activate the magnetic-impulse motion blocking. Hopefully, this will force their ship to come to a standstill in space. All their electronics will be disabled.

DOG HOT-DOG

In theory, yes. However, in practice, they might use an anti-blocker, and then they will immediately realize that they are being blocked. This could allow them to detect our coordinates.

LORD KAK

Why should we care about them? Let them split hairs if they want.

NEUROKID

Don't mention it, commander, but they are probably armed with a para-plasma cannon, the blueprints of which are already on the internet in the solar system.

DOG HOT-DOG

And freely available.

LORD KAK

And what do you suggest? Fly straight at them like a bull? Head-on?

NEUROKID

Don't get hot under the collar, commander. We can first invisibly attach ourselves with parasitic magnetic suction cups to their hull, and then activate the para-plasma cannon.

LORD KAK

But won't we harm ourselves in the process?

DOG HOT-DOG

No. I will put the main functions into sleep mode. In the meantime, we can hack their defenses and take control of their ship.

LORD KAK

Thank you, commander. Let's get to work.

4. INТ. EARTH/MONITOR – DAY

BLOGGER HOMOSEXUAL, LADY KAKA

There are two video clips on MONITOR with BLOGGER HOMOSEXUAL and LADY KAKA.

BLOGGER HOMOSEXUAL

Your fans do so much for you – consistently voting to get you to the top of the charts, constantly requesting your songs on the radio. They care about you, support you. Why do you think that is?

LADY KAKA

It's unexplainable. But I am happy that my little monsters love me so much! Sometimes I spend hours watching videos, notes, drawings dedicated to me, and I admire how talented they all are! Our feelings are mutual: the love that I put into them comes back to me. I hope this exchange of love will never end!

BLOGGER HOMOSEXUAL

Most of the time, communication between celebrities and fans is one-sided. But you constantly engage in a dialogue with your 'little monsters.' Do you do this consciously or instinctively?

LADY KAKA

I just feel that it's the right thing to do. Once I mentioned that my grandfather was ill. And the next day, I found a whole bunch of messages on my 'Twitter' blog – fans expressing sympathy, wishing my grandfather good health… This is no longer about my songs and shows. This is true friendship.

BLOGGER HOMOSEXUAL

If you could travel in time, would you go to the past or the future? Why?

LADY KAKA

I almost said that I want to go back to the past. But no. As Alexander McQueen said, you don't need to look back, you need to move forward. I will go to the future, observe everything, and return as the most advanced and unconventional thinker myself!

BLOGGER HOMOSEXUAL

Was your provocative, extreme style a reaction to something? Are you questioning existing canons?

LADY KAKA

Yes, that's right. I am a feminist and I disagree with the perception of women that exists in the modern world, no matter what we are talking about: beauty, behavioral standards… I believe that women nowadays are not free, and I try to break existing patterns. From a visual and musical point of view, my works are a denial and a search for something new. And I am very happy that the music, lyrics, and costumes that were once considered impossible and unacceptable are gradually becoming fashionable. I want fighting for women's rights to become fashionable.!

BLOGGER HOMOSEXUAL

Can you describe your style in one word?

LADY KAKA

Free.

BLOGGER HOMOSEXUAL

Why do you like wearing hats?

LADY KAKA

Wearing a hat provides great protection, you feel like you're in a cozy little house. And the bigger the hat, the better! I love hats with very wide brims that make everyone keep their distance.

BLOGGER HOMOSEXUAL

If you could become someone else for one day, who would you switch places with?

LADY KAKA

Of course, with Iman! I would love to live at least one day in her place. She is an amazing woman!

BLOGGER HOMOSEXUAL

How would you name a film about your life?

LADY KAKA

«I was born this way».

5. INТ./EXT. SOLAR SYSTEM/ASTEROID BELT BETWEEN THE ORBITS OF MARS AND JUPITER/SPACE SHIP CABIN- NIGHT

AUTHOR, LORD KAK, DOG HOT-DOG, NEUROKID

Among the approaching asteroids maneuvering the Patrol Ship unexpectedly becomes transparent, and only the sensation of density reveals its faint outline. On the MONITOR, LORD KAK and Dog Hot-Dog see that on one of the approaching fairly large volume asteroids there is an attached shuttle of black color, resembling the appearance of a black crow.

LORD KAK

Here it is, "Black Crow." And what's the name? And what is it in general??

DOG HOT-DOG

I'll Google it now on the earthly internet.

Dog Hot-Dog starts typing a search query into the browser prompt.

DOG HOT-DOG (continuing)

All done, sent it, but it will take half an hour for the signal to go through.

LORD KAK

And before, it never did?

DOG HOT-DOG

Distance, commander…

NEUROKID

I have a library of flora and fauna of the planet EARTH.

DOG HOT-DOG

From where?

NEUROKID

Ah, just a hobby of mine in my spare time.

LORD KAK

Well, you're really something, aren't you?! Good job… So speak then? We must understand the enemy. For what purpose did he step onto the criminal trap: for the sake of convictions or greedy gain?

NEUROKID

The maximum body length reaches 70 centimeters, while the wingspan ranges from 120 to 150 centimeters. The weight can reach up to two kilograms. The beak is massive and sharp. Feathers on the throat resemble a beard.

LORD KAK

What does the black crow symbolize?

NEUROKID

Due to its completely black feathers, characteristic cawing, and scavenging behavior, the crow is often associated with loss and bad omens. In medieval Christian tradition, the crow symbolizes the forces of hell and the devil.

DOG HOT-DOG

But commander, if they symbolized vengeance against our planet, then they would simply release our air into open space. But they sell it. So, their name is just a scarecrow for honest Martians.

LORD KAK

And it's bad that they steal for the sake of profit.

DOG HOT-DOG

Why?

LORD KAK

If they were just fanatics, we could have easily wiped them out. But now we'll have to try to save them. Okay. Let's start the operation.

From the cabin, you can see the patrol ship 'Vengeance' docking with the black shuttle on the top of the fuselage.

LORD KAK (continuing)

Power up the cannon. And think about how we will get inside?

DOG HOT-DOG

Commander, the cannon is activated. I suggest that we can drill a hole in the docking area between our saucer and their shuttle. While we are docked, the pressure will be maintained.

LORD KAK

But they can resist, and who knows how many of them are there?

NEUROKID

Commander, allow me to offer not an idea, but a thought?

LORD KAK

Well, go ahead, NEUROKID. Give it a try?!

NEUROKID

I suggest that in this position and condition of the shuttle being capable of moving, we relocate the pirate shuttle to the cargo platform of the spaceport using our own propulsion engines, without changing its position.

LORD KAK

Good job, Novice, you've got a good idea!!! Go ahead and make it happen…

DOG HOT-DOG

Green snot.

LORD KAK

Relax, Dog. He won't take your place.

The flying saucer of the patrol spacecraft materializes, and it is already visible that it is sitting on the black pirate shuttle 'Black Crow.' The shuttle, in turn, is attached to an asteroid. They both detach from the asteroid and fly perpendicularly to the passing asteroids towards open space. The flying saucer with the shuttle on the underside successfully maneuvers, circling perpendicular asteroids of various sizes.

They fly around from above, from below, and exit into open space. In the horizon, a reddish star is visible. There is a flash of light, and a hyperspace jump begins.

LORD KAK

By the way, do you remember that no soul should see you on Mars?

DOG HOT-DOG

Yes, I remember! Our secret mission on Mars must remain confidential?

LORD KAK

You just have to wait a little longer. I will capture these pirates and then have the opportunity to ransom you. Otherwise, due to your escape, they will just eliminate you. And don't forget, you escaped from the laboratory on your own and managed to sneak not to just anyone, but specifically to me on the ship, thus putting me at risk.

The scene shows a panoramic view of the red planet Mars. There is a flash, and the hyperspace jump stops. A duo of spacecraft appears flying towards the planet: the flying saucer carrying the shuttle on its underside.

DOG HOT-DOG

Yes, I understand, Commander. I will be here guarding and won't get bored, in case anything happens.

LORD KAK

Alright, no browsing the internet for both of you. Just swap stories and jokes. If anything comes up, I'll contact you through encoded communication.

NEUROKID

Understood, Commander. And what about updates?

LORD KAK

Well, this procedure is mandatory and lawful. Just don't pretend to be anyone else and don't use any search channels. They will immediately detect and block any outbound transmissions.

The panorama of the Martian spaceport is displayed. The flying saucer, together with the shuttle, descends from the sky towards the landing pad. The shutters on the planet's surface open, forming a pit, and the flying saucer with the shuttle descends into it. The shutters close, and the view shifts back to the unseen panorama of the Martian rocky desert.

6. INТ. EARTH/MONITOR – DAY

BLOGGER HOMOSEXUAL, LADY KAKA

НOn the monitor, there are two video frames with a BLOGGER HOMOSEXUAL and LADY KAKA.

BLOGGER HOMOSEXUAL

What is the biggest misconception about LADY KAKA?

LADY KAKA

Sometimes people think that Gaga is a fictional character, that Stefani and

(CONTINUED)

LADY KAKA (continuing)

Gaga are two different people. This is incorrect. There is no difference between them.

BLOGGER HOMOSEXUAL

Where do you draw the line between your personal life and your public life? Are there times when you need to take a break, be alone with yourself, or do you always feel like you're on stage?

LADY KAKA

To maintain the aesthetic that I'm working in, I make my personal life a part of the public domain. Yet, to preserve this aesthetic, I often have to lie about who I sleep with or what I eat. At what point do I stop feeling like I'm on stage?… I would like to say that it's during sex, but that's untrue. I almost always feel that my life is a stage, and no matter what happens, the show goes on: even when I take off my wig, remove my lipstick… Perhaps this feeling only disappears when I cry, regardless of whether it's on stage, behind the scenes, alone, or with someone.

BLOGGER HOMOSEXUAL

Have you ever wanted to stop being famous?

LADY KAKA

I have always been famous, just no one knew about it. Fame is something inside of you. And I don't want it to end. Of course, sometimes I wish I had more personal space, but what can you do – you have to sacrifice something.

BLOGGER HOMOSEXUAL

Would you like to teach something to your 'little monsters'?

LADY KAKA

I am trying to teach them to love themselves. If I can make someone love themselves for just a second, then everything I do is worth it!

7. INТ./EXT. MARS/BISTRO – NIGHT

LORD KAK, LORD DONN, LORD CHARLS, LORD VER

NOTE: LORD DONN, LORD CHARLS, AND LORD BREZHNEV ARE MALE INCARNATIONS OF EARTHLY MUSIC STARS – DONNA, CHARLIE, AND VERA – ON EARTH.

TITLE:

Planet Mars

LORD KAK is sitting at the bar counter. Marstronauts are seated on both sides, all listening to poetry. After a good amount of local alcohol, LORD KAK scrunches his face.

LORD KAK

Does this recitation amuse you dryly? Does it get you, LORD DONN? You really get a kick out of these verses?

LORD DONN