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Libby struggled to get her emotions under control. “Percy and I had been arguing about starting a family. I really wanted a baby.”
Holden nodded, his grip tightening protectively.
“But Percy didn’t.” The tears she had been doing everything to block flowed anyway.
Holden frowned.
Libby pressed on the bridge of her nose to keep more tears from falling. “He already felt tied down.” She gulped and forced herself to go on, get it all out. “He felt he had gotten a raw deal. Inheriting the responsibility for the family business years before he was ready to assume it. Having the woman he married turn out not to be so adventurous and wild at heart, after all. The last thing Percy wanted was the responsibility of a child. Not then, he said, maybe not ever.” She shook her head, remembering that last awful fight. “I was devastated.”
Holden exhaled. “And angry, I’m guessing.”
She forced a watery smile, then she dabbed at her eyes again. “Very. The presumption that we would have children, if for no other reason than to carry on the Lowell name and bloodlines, had always been there.”
She looked up at Holden, wanting him to understand. “Suddenly … with the death of his parents—and the absence of that familial pressure to produce grandkids—there was no reason in Percy’s mind to go forward with a family at all. So he scheduled the trip with you to Colombia, and that was that. There was not going to be any more discussion about it when he came back.
“I was so angry and disappointed I didn’t even kiss him goodbye before he left.”
And then he had died….
Leaving her with even more to grapple with.
Holden shook his head. Swore softly. “Libby. I had no idea—”
She held up a hand. “I know—no one did.” Feeling calmer now, she pulled away. “Anyway, that’s why I had such a crazy mix of emotions when I suspected I might be pregnant after Percy died. I was happy about the baby, but knew he wouldn’t have been. It felt like a miracle and a lifelong burden of guilt, all in one.”
“Stress can do funny things to a person’s body.”
Libby nodded, appreciating Holden’s attentiveness, even as she warned herself not to get too used to it.
Still, she needed to talk to him tonight. Needed the brand of comfort only he could give. “The doctors said my devastation over Percy’s death and the acrimonious way we parted, combined with my longing for a child, made my hormones a mess. I was barely eating or sleeping. I was dizzy and nauseated, more often than not. And I went three months without a period before I realized it.”
Holden reached over and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. “It’s only natural you concluded what you did.”
Silence fell between them as she looked deep into his eyes, noticing yet again what a ruggedly handsome man he was. It was more than just the symmetry of his features or the strong line of his jaw. It was his kindness and compassion. His easygoing attitude and humor. The way he could always make a person feel better with an offhand comment or smile.
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