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www.millsandboon.co.uk
PATRICIA THAYER
has written for over twenty years and has authored more than thirty books. She has been nominated for both the National Reader’s Choice Award and the prestigious RITA® Award. Her book Nothing Short of a Miracle won an RT Book Reviews Reviewer’s Choice award.
When not working on a story, Patricia can be found traveling the United States and Europe, taking in the scenery and doing story research while thoroughly enjoying herself with her husband of more than thirty-six years. Together, they have three grown sons and three grandsons.
To Mindy Neff,
you always seem to be there when I need you.
Thank you for your time and talent
and especially for your friendship.
To Joe and Kim Rangel,
for sharing your special love story.
And to Aunt June. We’ll miss you.
Contents
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Epilogue
Prologue
She knew he’d be here.
Ali Pierce brought her car to a screeching halt next to Jake Hawkins’s Porsche with the Just Married sign still on the back. She shut off the engine and jumped out.
She could hardly make out the area surrounding the cottage on this dark, moonless night, but that didn’t stop her. Ali picked up the skirt of her long bridesmaid’s dress and hurried around the side of the small structure, concentrating on the steep grassy slope as she made her way toward the front porch.
Her concern was Jake. He’d been so angry when he’d left the church, Ali was scared that he’d do something crazy.
Damn you, Darcie, for always leaving messes for me to clean up.
When Ali reached the front of the cottage, she kicked off her satin heels and began climbing the familiar steps that led to the wooden deck. She’d started across the porch when a shadow caught her attention. A tall figure stood motionless at the railing. Ali didn’t need any moonlight to recognize Jake Hawkins. Since the age of fourteen, she had all but memorized his physical features, from the slant of his broad shoulders to his tapered waist and slim hips. She also knew he had a coffee-colored birthmark on his left side just below the waist, a scar on his right leg just below the knee and a slightly crooked nose that had been broken by Randy Foster in the eleventh grade.
No one knew more about Jake “Hawk” Hawkins than Ali, except…her sister. And Darcie was gone.
A string of curses suddenly echoed across the silent lake as Jake raised his arm and flung a long-neck beer bottle toward the water. Then, one by one, he shoved the heavy clay pots off the railing, their impact resounding in the night.
Like a caged animal, he paced the deck. His words were mumbled, but Ali could hear the pain in his voice. He was fighting back. Fighting the pain that had started only hours ago when Ali had handed him the letter from Darcie. Ali hadn’t read it, but she knew what it said.
Her twin sister had decided that she didn’t want to be married to a man with no future. At least not the future Darcie wanted, or that she thought was her right.
And Darcie wanted it all. Not only did her sister have the love of the best man in town, but she also wanted the money, prestige and the big house on the hill to go along with it. And Darcie had waited four patient years for Jake Hawkins to return from his hitch in the army, and for him to take over Hawk Industries to complete the perfect picture.
But Jake had other ideas, and running his father’s company wasn’t in his plan. Last night, at the rehearsal dinner, he’d told Darcie that he wanted to reenlist. Darcie got hysterical. Even after Ali took their grandmother home, the couple was still arguing. And just as the wedding was about to start, Darcie told Ali that she couldn’t go through with it. Ali thought her sister was kidding. But when the wedding dress came off, Ali began to panic. Darcie loved Jake Hawkins. How could she walk out on the biggest wedding in Webster, Minnesota, history? But Ali’s older sister by eight minutes handed her a note and begged her to give it to Jake. Ali agreed and watched her identical twin hurry out of the bridal room and drive off.
That had been four hours ago.
Ali watched helplessly as Jake continued choking out his anger. She wanted desperately to hold him…to help him get through this.
Ali swallowed back the threat of fresh tears and walked to the railing.
Jake raised his head, and his eyes widened. “Darcie!”
“No, it’s me. Ali.” Ali was used to being mistaken for her sister. But it was the first time Jake had done it.
“Oh. Did you come to see the fool?”
She shook her head. “I was worried. You took off before I could talk to you. I’ve been driving around everywhere.”
He turned away from her and stared out at the lake. “Was I supposed to greet the guests in the receiving line…alone?”
No. Ali and her grandmother had been left to explain to everyone why there would be no wedding.
“Oh, Jake.” She took a step closer and reached a hand out, then pulled it back. She knew how much he loved Darcie. She also knew how her sister had used Jake. “Maybe it’s for the best,” she offered.
His hands balled into fists. “Best for who? Not me. Ali, what did I do that was so terrible? She knew I’d been thinking about reenlisting. She wasn’t happy about it, but she knew I couldn’t come home and work with my dad. I told her that a hundred times.”
Ali didn’t know what to say to Jake. Darcie was selfish; she wanted what the Hawkins money could buy her. An army captain’s salary wouldn’t do. “Jake, she’s probably gone off for a few days to think things through.”
He shook his head. “I should have realized last night that we want different things. But…we’ve been together so long. Oh, God, I’ve loved her forever.”
Ali glanced away. She didn’t want Jake to see her true feelings—feelings she’d kept hidden. Even though she was Darcie’s twin, Jake had never given her a second look, never thought of her as anything more than a friend. And he never would. Darcie would always be his true love.
“You’ve had fights before,” Ali admitted.
Jake walked to the patio table and took another beer from the carton. After twisting off the cap, he took a long pull.
“Yeah, but this was different. This was important enough for her to walk out on our wedding.” He looked at Ali, and she could see the pain etched in his face. He took another drink of beer and wiped a hand across his mouth. “My dad is probably having a field day with this.” His laughter was cold. “I bet if I went home right now, I’d get an earful of ‘I told you so.’”
“Since when did you care what your father thinks?”
Jake’s dark eyes searched her face. “Oh, Ali-cat.” He breathed the nickname he’d given her the first day he walked through the door of Gran June’s house. She and Darcie had been freshmen and Jake the good-looking senior at Webster High School.
That same day Ali had lost her heart to Jake Hawkins.
“What am I gonna do without her?” he finished.
You’ve got me, she wanted to cry. “You’re gonna get through it, Jake.” She tried to sound wise for twenty-three.
Ali heard Jake’s strangled sob. “I can’t. Darcie was the only thing…”
She crossed the porch. “Don’t, Jake. It’s going to be okay.” Ali wanted to believe what she was telling him. And as much as she loved her sister, she hoped Darcie stayed away a long time. Jake deserved to be loved by someone other than a selfish woman who only used people. Tears filled her eyes as she looked up at him. “I’m here,” she whispered.
Before she knew what was happening, Jake pulled her into his arms. “I hurt so damn bad,” he choked out.
They clung to each other in silence.
Then Jake placed a soft kiss against her hair, and a shiver ran through her body. Ali started to pull away, but he refused to release her as his mouth continued to caress her temple. Slowly his lips moved to the side of her face.
Suddenly things began to change. She felt his breath on her cheek, then his tongue traced the corner of her mouth. She stood still in his arms, letting his lips roam her face. They were no longer just consoling each other. There was a desperate urgency in the tightening of his embrace, in his rapid kisses. The need to share their pain, to console each other, took over.
Her gaze rose to meet his. The silent plea in his eyes made her breath catch. He needed her. For the first—and maybe the only—time he needed her. Was there anything wrong with answering his need? She had loved Jake for years. If only for one night, she wanted to pretend that he loved her.
“Oh, Ali-cat, I shouldn’t be doing this.” He started to pull away.
With a shaky smile, she moved her hands up his chest to circle his neck, refusing to let him go. “You need me, Jake,” she said, her voice trembling. “As much as I need you.”
Jake hesitated a second as if trying to rationalize what was happening. Then finally his head lowered, and his mouth captured hers. The second their lips touched, Ali’s blood turned to liquid fire. Jake’s kiss was demanding, hungry, and when Ali opened her mouth, his tongue moved inside, stroking and caressing until her legs nearly gave out. He pulled back and planted kisses along her jaw. She almost cried for the loss, but he quickly found his way back to her waiting mouth.
Then he raised his head, his expression one of shock and disbelief. She was afraid that he would push her away. Instead, his mouth closed over hers again in another heated kiss, then he moved back and murmured, “Ah, Ali-cat, we shouldn’t be doing this. Damn, you taste so sweet….” He kissed her again and pulled her against his body.
Ali was light-headed by the time he broke off the kiss.
“Tell me to stop.” His breathing was labored. “Before it’s too late to make you leave.”
Ali had never expected to hear those words. Though she knew she looked enough like her sister to be a substitute for Darcie, she didn’t care. “I don’t want to leave, Jake.”
He released a groan and kissed her again, then led her through the French doors into the cottage. Instead of going to one of the bedrooms upstairs, he guided her to the sofa in front of the fireplace. She trembled as his mouth found hers again, as he lowered the zipper of her royal blue taffeta bridesmaid’s dress, then slowly pushed the fabric off her shoulders.
Ali pulled his T-shirt off, and her fingertips traced the solid wall of his chest. His hands were busy, too, removing her bra and freeing her breasts. She cried out in pleasure as his mouth closed over her nipple. Then he trailed kisses down her stomach until he reached the barrier of her panties. He raised his head. Their gazes locked in the dim light, and she could see the questioning look in his eyes. The next move was hers.
The silence seemed to stretch out forever as he stared at her. The guilt ate at her, knowing his heart belonged to Darcie. Jake would never be hers. But she didn’t care; she wanted this one night to remember. To feel what it was like to be loved by Jake Hawkins.
Leaning forward, Ali pressed her mouth against his. He kissed her gently, then with a low groan he pulled her to him, his body hard and demanding as he claimed her. And for a little while, in Jake’s arms, the rest of the world seemed to disappear. There were no promises or words of love shared, only desperate need as they reached out for each other again and again.
Finally he slept and Ali watched him.
Sometime in the night, she heard him murmur Darcie’s name. Her heart ached with love for this man, but she knew he could never return it. Jake Hawkins belonged to another.
Her sister.
Ali huddled close to his warm body, dreading the dawn. It came anyway.
The sun rose over the lake, its soft light wakening her. Alone, she sat up clinging to the blanket that Jake had pulled over them during the night. Jake stood in the doorway, dressed, his expression closed—or was that regret?
Oh, no. Don’t say anything, Jake. Don’t take last night away from me.
Jake combed his fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry, Ali. I had too much to drink and…”
Pulling the woolen blanket up like a shield, she struggled to hide the pain tearing her apart. “It’s okay, Jake,” she lied, her heart aching. Had she been so stupidly naive to think he could care for her once his immediate pain had passed?
He took a step closer to the sofa, but stopped. “No, what I did last night was not okay. I used you. I had no right.”
Her heart pounded in her chest, and she fought back her tears. Please, Jake, just hold me. But the look in his eyes told her he wanted to disappear, to run from the shame he believed he’d caused her.
“I’d better go. Are you going to be okay?”
No. She was never going to be okay again. She’d lost her best friend. She’d lost Jake. Things between them could never be the same. “I’m fine.”
He stared at her. “You sure?”
Ali nodded, praying he’d leave before she broke down and begged him not to.
He started through the door, then paused and looked back at her. “Ali, I never meant for anything to happen.”
“I know,” she whispered.
“I’m sorry, Ali.” He disappeared through the door.
She sat unmoving, frozen with emptiness. She heard his car start, then the grinding of the transmission as he slammed it into gear. She closed her eyes against the angry sound.
He drove away, taking her heart and hopes with him. She got to her feet, then walked through the door to the porch railing. On the ground below were the clay pots, broken and scattered like the pieces of her heart. She lifted her gaze. The lake appeared cold and blue in the growing light of day. Clutching the blanket to her chest, she breathed in Jake’s elusive scent trapped within the weave. A tear trailed down her cheek, a hot, stinging reminder that she’d been a fool to wish for miracles.
“Goodbye, Jake,” she whispered, knowing he’d never return to a town he hated, a father he despised or a woman he would never love.
Chapter One
Jake Hawkins was back.
The nearly two, long years since she’d last seen him faded away as Allison Pierce leaned against the railing in the elevator and sucked in a long, slow breath, trying to fight off the claustrophobic feeling that threatened to engulf her. It didn’t work. Although the temperature outside was in the thirties, sweat beaded her upper lip, and her heart pounded in her chest.
Finally the bell chimed for the fourth floor, and as soon as the door opened, she quickly stepped out into the ICU unit of Webster Memorial Hospital. Her gaze darted around the quiet, ecru-colored corridor as she walked across the teal carpeting toward the nurses’ station. There were several nurses bustling around, but none were Margo.
Good. She could leave and her friend wouldn’t be angry. Margo was the one who hadn’t shown up. Ali started back to the elevator when she heard a voice. She turned to find Margo Wells hurrying toward her. The short brunette hadn’t changed much since high school. She was still shapely and cute.
Not like Ali, who was tall and thin, with too curly red hair and freckles, and looked about eighteen.
“Oh, no, you don’t, Ali Pierce,” Margo cried. “You’re not running away from this.”
“I shouldn’t be here in the first place,” Ali argued.
“Wrong,” Margo said. “You should have been here two days ago when they brought Jake in.”
At the mention of Jake, the fight went out of Ali. “Has there been any change?”
“No, that’s why I wanted you here. He’s been through a lot the last forty-eight hours. The crash. Being pinned in his car. Exposure to the elements in a freak October snowstorm.” Her friend gave her a penetrating look. “And even after all that, he managed to say Ali-cat before losing consciousness.”
“An old nickname,” Ali murmured, memories flooding her. “Maybe you misunderstood.”
The nurse shook her head stubbornly.
“C’mon, Margo. It’s been nearly two years,” Ali said, more frustrated than before. She wasn’t ready to face Jake. Not after all that had happened… “He couldn’t possibly want to see me.”
The elevator doors opened again, and more people exited. Margo pulled her aside. “Look, Ali. It’s only been eighteen months, but that’s beside the point. The man has been in a terrible automobile accident, one he probably shouldn’t have survived, but he did. He’s in a coma, but before he drifted off he said your name, and not just once.”
Ali blinked back tears. Darn, she didn’t want to cry. She’d shed gallons of tears after Jake left. It had taken her a long time to get over his not coming back to her, but she had. At least she had told herself she had.
“You need to do this, Ali. If not for yourself, then you need to see him for Joanie’s sake. He’s her father.”
Ali glanced around to see if anyone had heard. Margo was the only person who knew the true paternity of her little girl. “Everything I’ve done this past year has been for Joanie.”
“And if you’re lucky, you can give her what she needs—a daddy.”
“And what will it cost me?” Ali blinked back more tears. Keeping the identity of her daughter’s father a secret hadn’t been Ali’s choice. Jake had left town. Maybe it was her pride, but she didn’t want a man who obviously didn’t want her. A man who hadn’t stuck around long enough to learn the consequence of their night together. Her daughter deserved better.
Margo shrugged. “You’ll never know unless you go and see Jake.”
Ali gazed down the hall. What would Jake do when he found out about Joanie? “What if he has a wife somewhere?” Darcie was supposed to be married to Jake. The guilt over what happened that long-ago night still haunted Ali.
Margo shook her head again. “Besides his father, you and Joanie are the closest family he has.”
“But I’m not family. I can’t go in ICU.”
“Yes, you can. C’mon, I’ll keep watch.” Margo started down the hall.
Ali relented and followed. Fear dogged her every step. It would be simpler just to leave things as they were. But she knew nothing was simple for Jake now. She had to do everything possible to help him—if only for Joanie’s sake.
When Ali finally entered the dimly lit room, she stopped dead. Her heartbeat was erratic, a stark contrast to the steady rhythm of the machines. She gazed at the metal bed where Jake Hawkins lay. Her feet felt like lead weights when she made her way across the tiled floor. Her pulse pounded in her ears as she reached his bedside.
Managing to fight back her shock, Ali stared down at Jake’s still, bruised body. Oh, God, she’d pictured seeing him again in a thousand different ways, but she’d never envisioned him lying so lifeless.
Anguish overwhelmed her. “Oh, Jake!” Her gaze swept over him, noting the ugly lacerations, the bruises on his skin and the bandages that encased his ribs and chest. His left leg was also heavily bandaged, and was elevated by a pulley hooked to the end of the bed. An IV drip sent medication into his veins, and a clear oxygen tube into his nose helped him breathe.
He looked pale, so different from the tan, vibrant man she remembered. She gently touched his jaw, which was swollen on one side where it had taken four stitches to close the gash in his chin.
He appeared shattered and defenseless. Her hand moved to smooth back the short curls that brushed his bandaged forehead. Silk. Black silk. That was what it had felt like between her fingers when she’d held him to her breast. Almost forgotten longing clenched tight in her belly, shocking Ali back to the present.
What was she doing? Fighting a sense of panic, Ali reached for his hand. Don’t get caught up in fantasies. Do what you came to do.
“Hey, Jake, it’s Ali. Wake up and talk to me. I hear you got caught in a blizzard.”
Each word became harder to force past her lips. “C’mon, Hawk.” She choked on the nickname he’d gone by in the days when life had been fun and she’d been innocent.
“You have some worried people here, praying for you to wake up. I hear your father’s hardly left the hospital at all since the ambulance brought you in. Please don’t make him wait any longer.”
No response, only the incessant beeping of the monitor, its presence reminding her how close Jake was to dying.
A sob escaped her throat. “Damn it, Jake, wake up.” Willing herself to touch him again, Ali gently traced his mouth with her fingertip, hoping for a tactile response. “Do you remember the night we spent together?” She drew her finger slowly across his lower lip. “I’ve never forgotten how incredible it was between us.”
No response.
“Please, Jake. Open your eyes. Do it for your father,” she whispered. “And for me.” Her hands shook. “Do it for your daughter.”
No sooner had Ali stepped out of Jake’s room than she saw Clifton Hawkins. Surprisingly he looked much the same as she remembered. He was in his midfifties, and his hair was still coal black, though now streaked with gray. There were a few more lines around his eyes and mouth, and he was leaning on a cane.
He seemed shocked to see her at first, then he smiled. “Darcie? Darcie Pierce? Is that you?”
His innocent mistake let her know that she didn’t belong here. “Hello, Mr. Hawkins. I’m not Darcie. I’m Ali.”
“Of course. I’m sorry, Ali.”
“It’s all right.” She glanced back at the hospital room she’d just come from. “I hope you don’t mind…I heard about Jake and I came by to see…” There was a tremor in her voice. What must Jake’s father think? “I’m sorry. If there is anything I can do…”
Mr. Hawkins nodded. “Thank you, Ali. Since you’ve already seen him, you know he’s in bad shape.” The older Hawkins shook his head. “It’s funny. All these years, I’ve tried to get Jake to come home, and now…” His voice broke. “I had to have hip surgery to do it. Jake took a month leave from the army to come home and run the plant while I recuperate. Now, because of this senseless accident, he might not make it.” Jake’s father blinked and looked away.
“Sure, he will,” Ali assured him, forcing herself to believe her own words. “Jake’s strong and healthy. He’ll pull through this.”
Cliff Hawkins’s eyes found hers. “You think so?”
Ali nodded, wondering if she was crazy. Years ago she’d thought Jake invincible. Maybe she still believed it.
The older man took her hand in his. “Please come back, Ali. Jake and I need all the encouragement we can get.”
Ali knew that if she agreed, there was no turning back. Not for her. Not for Jake. And not for their daughter.
Darkness surrounded him. Jake tried to move and realized he was unable to, but he could still feel the teeth-clenching pain that tortured his body. A lead weight seemed to press on his rib cage, pinning him down. His leg throbbed. But at least the pain let him know he was alive. He was hurt. Bad.
How had it happened? How had he ended up here? Where was here?
Voices penetrated the pounding pain in his head, fading in and out as he fought to speak but couldn’t. When he heard his dad, Jake wanted to cry out, but his mouth refused to obey the command. He tried with all his strength to talk, but he lost. Finally he let the drugging oblivion take him.