Sivana

Chapter 1. Birthday

The feeling that I was being watched has not left me since the last day. And it wasn't about my lover, peacefully snoring with a stuffy nose on the pillow next to me after a night of madness. Not in his suspicious sister, who takes care of her brother unnecessarily and looks at me without warning in a neighborly way. It's absolutely not that my friend is preparing a festive evening for my birthday with guests and gifts, which I can't stand. I feel uneasy for another reason.

A ragged ringing in my head… today I'm 31. Every year on my birthday on October 31, HE gives me a gift that I don't want to accept…What will happen this time? –that's what really bothers me. Stretching, I jumped out of the warm bed onto the cold parquet floor and headed for the kitchen.

It's almost blooming. It was raining outside the window. His drops, running down the glass, seemed to look into the house, wanting to make sure that I was ready for today.

A good omen for a birthday, I thought.

While my lover was sleeping, I filled the kettle with fresh water and put it on the stove. I fed the cat. Grabbing a clean towel of my favorite berry color from the closet, I went to the shower.

"I don't recognize myself," a premonition of danger took hold of me when I caught my wild look for a moment in the reflection of the bathroom mirror. I have always lived alone, after the orphanage and studying at the university, I absolutely did not need company, except for one night. But now I suddenly caught myself thinking that lately I've been like a different person. And…is there a person at all?

Something changed in me gradually, and so imperceptibly from each of my birthdays. I was no longer afraid, but I was still afraid of the unexpected. Everything should go according to plan, it's safer and calmer for me. But today is not the day when this is possible…

My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door and a boiling kettle. Taking a bitten-off apple – my dietary breakfast of the gifts of autumn, I turned off the gas and went to find out who is so impatient to disturb me in the morning. My stupid neighbor was standing on the threshold with a pumpkin pie in his hands.

– Here, Sivana, here, my mother baked for your holiday, – he said, as if mocking, handing me a gift. His mother was a strange woman, once I noticed her on my doorstep muttering gibberish.

– Very nice, thank you. Tell your mother, thank you, " I was about to close the door and get rid of his vulgar shifty look, when he added

"And this was in your drawer, another gift," he winked, holding out a white envelope. His voice sounded creepy and slow, as it seemed to me.

I slammed the door. I threw the pumpkin pie into the bucket, since my plans did not include poisoning myself with the brew of a local witch.

The envelope is as always without the return address and the sender's stamp. They come to me every year and on my birthday. She opened the envelope. It contains a postcard with a picture of a deer with human hands, standing on its hind legs with a golden halo in its horns. On the back of the postcard is printed:

"I command you, SIWA, my goddess of autumn and garden fruits, to be naked today at the agreed place after sunset, holding a red apple in your right hand and a bunch of red grapes in your left. The time has come.

An old silver chain with a pendant in the shape of a deer's head fell out of the envelope. Fine Celtic work…The hands reached out to her of their own accord. I held the gift to my neck, and the chain fastened by itself. I shuddered with fright, but reassured myself that the lock of the chain is probably magnetic and it is as easy to remove as to put it on.

–Are you trying on gifts already, honey? – I heard a hoarse voice from the bedroom, I looked around and saw the shaggy head of my Irish lover spread out in a smile. He was sitting on the bed, in the pose of an alpha male, confident in his irresistibility, and completely unashamed of a naked body covered with freckles and red hair from head to toe. In his hands was a bag from the store with expensive underwear, which he handed to me and grinned.

– Come here, try it on, and please me on your Birthday, – he said in a voice that does not tolerate objections.

I went over, kissed him, and unwrapped the gift. His hands pushed the silk robe off my shoulders, leaving me ready to try on underwear. The cherry-colored weightless lace grace with the help of his dexterous hands was on me, just like himself…

"I have things to do, Thomas. There's a meeting in 15 minutes, " I stopped the hot lover. I liked to tease him and make him tame.

–Well, we'll see you in the evening, right? On your holiday? Can I come over? displeased, he loosened his grip and released me.

– Maybe. I have to get dressed, "I urged him.

The former military man is used to gathering at lightning speed and not asking unnecessary questions. So five minutes later he was no longer in my house. That's why I like red Thomas. For the opportunity not to get in the way and be there whenever I want.

–And the gift is really good, he knows my taste, – I appreciated the underwear Thomas gave me in front of the mirror, but suddenly shuddered. A necklace on my neck flashed in the mirror, I forgot about it at the wrong time. I felt terrible.

I was almost sure who the sender of it was. I didn't want to and couldn't believe it, because a year has passed. I thought it was over. I thought I could live in peace now. But this was not the case.

My birthday flew by for the usual things, meetings with patients in our city psychological center. The feeling of the object of observation did not leave me all day.

In the middle of the day at lunchtime, I looked into the library, where I liked to visit when I was still a student. My friend Mary works here as a librarian. It was nice and surprising that she decided not to give me a grand party as she had previously intended for my birthday. I hugged her with joy.

– Sivana, this is my gift to you. Be calm, I will not set you up with potential husbands and our classmates will not bother you with stupid conversations. This is your day, spend it as you want. But I'll still come by after work with a bottle of vermouth and chocolate. – said a friend.

"Mary, I'm so glad! Come, we will sit well as before. I was inspired for a moment.

– Although, I stopped by to see you on business. I'm looking for some information, could you help? I asked Mary.

– Yes, of course, a girlfriend. What do you want to know? she looked at me with a cold look over the top of her glasses, although a minute ago she seemed friendly.

I showed her the postcard I received today. As it seemed to me, Mary was not surprised. She quietly led me through the rows of books to the far section of the library, where the oldest publications were stored. The dusty air with the smell of old books and secrets now seemed to me frightening, and not attractive as before.

– Be careful, visitors are not allowed here. If my superiors find out, I'll be in trouble. Look at the Celtic regiment –this is section 31, " she said very quietly and quickly left.

After leafing through several dusty books, in which I could not read a single line, since I do not know the language of the ancient Celts, I still hoped to find the solution to the message and gift this time. And in one of the manuscripts I found an engraving with a similar image of a deer. Kernun-read the inscription, which I understood. I entered this name into the browser search engine on the computer that stood on the reader's desk and the browser gave out a lot of links.

So, I learned: The

God Kernunn has deer horns; the god is often accompanied by a deer – his cult animal par excellence. He often wears a torc around his neck – a sacred neck ornament, a chain with a medallion in the form of a deer's head, and sometimes holds it in his hands.

For me, this knowledge was a revelation!

The torc of the Celtic god is described as a chain that is around my neck…

In the postcard, they address me by the name of Siwa, the Celtic goddess…And my name is Sivana.

Today is October 31, according to Celtic mythology, the holiday of spirits, the day of Samhain…Today is my birthday.

Another ragged ringing in my head…What is this supposed to mean?

But I had no time to think about strange things, I had to go back to the office, where the next patient was waiting for me with his urgent questions.

At the end of the day, I stopped by the store to buy cat food and food for an impromptu festive dinner. And when I got home after dark, I found something strange on the porch. It was an arrow, lined with chains such as are usually tied to dogs to a kennel. But none of the neighbors had dogs in the vicinity, since the area in which I live is a district of cat lovers. Therefore, it is not clear where this chain came from.

The arrow from the chain pointed to the alley …a shiver of fear ran through my body, but I went towards the trees. As I approached the alley, I could hear the rattle of chains more and more clearly. On one of the trees there was a swing on chains tied to a branch. I loved to swing on them and reflect, here once the only one I loved confessed to me in love.

Now someone was swinging on this very swing in the dark, and the clang of chains rusted from the rains inspired fear. I came closer.

I felt that the figure on the swing was glaring at me, but curiosity overcame me and I took a step closer.

The figure jumped down from the swing and darted towards me. At that moment, I was numb with horror.

Big strong hands grabbed me and spun me around in an embrace. I felt a kiss on my lips and the familiar scent of Clive Christian C. The fragrance, like its owner, I was never destined to forget.

– Did you like my gift? a familiar voice said

"Yes," I answered, barely holding back tears of joy.

–I'm back.

Chapter 2. The first memory

A wild rage seized me. I was clenching the fist of my left hand. Blood was oozing from a wound on my wrist and dripping onto the hem of my dress. I had a big stick in my right hand, I was going to attack a huge wolf.

The beast stared at me, its snarl and the snarl of its sharp fangs betrayed its readiness to attack at any moment. From the mouth of the beast, equal to me in size, but not in strength, saliva flowed, mixed with my blood.

I didn't feel afraid. I wanted to protect Arthur. The boy behind me was almost torn apart by a wolf, blood was oozing from his wounds. He couldn't get up from the ground. I heard his muffled voice: "Sivana, run, save yourself!".

I went on the offensive, I was indignant, I was furious…

And then I heard the barking of dogs approaching. Instinctively, I turned, just for a moment in the direction of the sound. I saw the terriers approaching, and a man running after them. They were approaching me along the pine alley, in which it turns out I was now.

And there was no one else around. There was no boy behind my back. There was no attacking wolf. They were gone.

And I was standing in the middle of a pine tree on the withered, damp grass and did not understand what was happening.

Two terriers ran up to me, sniffed and wagged their little tails. A couple of minutes later, the owner caught up with them. He was a stocky man, with a curly head of black hair, a neat beard and an aristocratically straight nose. He looked to be in his early forties. He was wearing a tweed blue suit and did not look at all like a man who had just gone out for a dog walk. He looked more like a serious professor.

When he came up to me, I caught the excitement and joy in his brown eyes, framed by thick eyelashes. This made his gaze seem friendly and warm to me.

– Girl, how did you get here? Are you lost? Where are your parents? – the man bombarded me with questions.

–I don't know…Have you seen a wolf? – the first thing I said.

– What's your name? There was alarm in his voice.

"Sivana," I said.

"Come with me, Sivana. You need help, you're cold.

And then I felt very cold and weak. Everything swam before my eyes and I fell into a dream. As I later found out, it was a faint from the loss of blood that flowed from the wound on my arm.

This was my earliest childhood memory. I was 7 years old. It was the middle of autumn. I remembered my name only because Arthur called me Sivana. I remembered that the boy's name was Arthur. I remembered my yellow dress and ribbons in my braid, brown leather pants and boots in color on a yellow lace-up. I was dressed like this. I remembered the feeling of rage and the wolf. And that's all.

No matter how hard I tried to rewind my memory a little more, I couldn't remember anything else. I didn't know how I ended up in that forest. I didn't know where I was from. I didn't know where my parents were. I didn't know how I lived the first seven years of my life.

All I knew was that Dr. Reindir had helped me.

Chapter 3. Saint Hope

I woke up in a room flooded with light. The same man was standing next to my bed. He introduced himself as Dr. Reindir and explained where I was.

It was an orphanage, simply called the St. Hope Orphanage. The shelter of the Holy Hope, as I learned later, was located at a distance from the roadway, surrounded by a pine forest. On its territory there was a small lake in a ravine, and behind it a wooden church and a large cemetery. This shelter received children from all over the country, abandoned, sick, difficult teenagers, everyone from whom society turned away. And now I was considered one of them.

– Doctor, Raindir, I can't stay here, I need to go home. I need to find out what's wrong with Arthur, " I said when I was completely stronger.

– All right, Sivana. Do you know where your home is? How to get there? I could hear the support in the doctor's voice. Apparently it was my innate ability to read people's intentions.

"No," I said, confused.

– It's been three days since you've been with us. I think the fresh air will do you good. Let's go for a walk, " the doctor suggested.

I agreed, because I saw in it a way to escape from this place. But the clothes I was wearing were gone.

– Sister Pauline will help you get dressed, I'll wait on the veranda with Tinky and Joe, remember my terriers? – he said, closing the door.

A few minutes later, a plump woman in a white lab coat entered the room. She had clothes for me in her hands. Without saying a word, she left the bundle of clothes on a chair and headed for the exit.

– Sister Pauline, these are not my clothes! I called out to her, realizing that there was no yellow dress and trousers in the package.

–It's cool outside, put your coat on top. These are clean clothes. And your clothes are in the wash, " she said, walking away.

In the bundle on the chair there was a simple T-shirt and beige corduroy trousers, a sweater with reindeer, brown lace-up boots. How glad I was to see my boots, at least they left me something. I got ready, threw on a tweed coat and wrapped the scarf that was in the bag around me. I went out on the veranda.

Dr. Reindir smiled at me, and we walked through the orphanage garden, where toddlers and older children were swarming around, removing the withered autumn leaves. They were either playing, or were busy with business. When the doctor and I passed by the children, they greeted him, nodding happily and shouting "good morning, doctor". They didn't pay any attention to me.

The dogs ran ahead without leashes. They were spotted fox terriers, intelligent dogs and very affectionate. Later we will become good friends, and I will often walk them myself, but more about that later.

– Sivana, do you remember this place? Here I found you-the doctor asked when we were on the path.

The place seemed completely unfamiliar to me, but I replied that I remembered. I was looking for a way to escape and decided not to arouse suspicion.

–Do you remember where you got these wounds on your arm? – asked the next question, the man.

– Yes. The wolf attacked me. I was protecting myself and Arthur, " I replied.

"There was no wolf here. And no one was near you when I found you. Who is Arthur? – he continued.

– Arthur… And the wolf was here, I'm telling the truth, " I said confidently.

– Sivana, I believe you. You're a brave girl. You say what you think. You are not afraid of adults. I noticed the strength of a fighter in you…but if you want to survive here, you will have to hide your knowledge. You will have to not stand out. I'll help you…in due time. Now you just need to blend in with the crowd. Make friends with the guys. Be like everyone else. Until…I don't know how to help you. Ok? Dr. Reindir suggested.

For some reason, I felt sympathy for him, I felt the support and sincerity of his words, and I decided to postpone my escape. Moreover, I did not know where to run to, to whom.

– Joe, Tinky, guys, come to me! –he called out to the dogs, who were playfully frolicking in a pile of fallen pine needles.

We returned to the shelter for lunch.

The next morning, a medical procedure was scheduled, or rather, it was called that. I wasn't invited. All the children were taken to the round hall on the first floor and given pills. All the children ate them. Later I found out that these were new drugs that were tested on children in our shelter. The experiment was sponsored by a certain Duplessis. Indeed, when you are a child, and no one needs a child, when there is no one to stand up for you, you can become an instrument of experiment against your will.

Therefore, the orphanage had a large cemetery, children often died here. And no one cared about it, only about the results of side effects from medications. They kept the strictest records. And the children were simply buried, without even putting tombstones. Only Dr. Reindir tried to resist the shelter's advice, but it was difficult, because he was just a full-time doctor.

He didn't put my stay at the shelter on the register. My stay here, as well as the stay of another girl, was a secret. Only Dr. Reindir and Sister Pauline knew that Mary and I were in the orphanage. There was a reason for this.

Mary, a girl of the same age as me, was the daughter of Pauline, born out of wedlock. Pauline herself did not know who her father was. Seven years ago, she was a prostitute, sleeping with men for food, as she suffered from bulimia. When Mary was born, the doctor who delivered the baby was Dr. Reindir. He felt sorry for Pauline. Her future, if she were left alone in the city with a child in her arms and with her past, seemed unacceptable to him. He offered her a place at the St. Hope Orphanage as an assistant, to which he had just been accepted as a full-time doctor. Paulina agreed for the sake of a better future for her daughter. I studied to be a nurse and suppressed my appetite with pills. Paulina's life has improved. Mary's stay in the shelter was not recorded, since she was not his ward.

The doctor did not record my stay at the St. Hope Orphanage for another reason. When Sister Paulina checked my blood test on the first day of my stay at the shelter, she discovered some oddity. She reported it to Dr. Reindir. And he was also confused.

The composition of my blood was only partially similar to the composition of human blood. But all speed processes. the settling of red blood cells went faster, and the structure of the blood cells itself was different from the usual human one. This was the reason. For which the doctor hid my stay in the orphanage for many years. I became his research muse. He was determined to solve the mystery of my blood. Solve my secret.

Chapter 4. Rosemary as a gift

Dr. Reindir and Sister Paulina, hiding my secret and their relationship from everyone, got married in a local church in the spring, three years after I appeared in their lives. I have never seen Pauline so happy and Dr. Reindir so calm before. How did the pink-cheeked plump Pauline look like her ivory wedding dress…

Only me and her daughter Mary were invited. That same spring, Dr. Reindir corrected the adoption documents. Mary and I were happy to have this opportunity to become sisters. Now there were officially four of us, and we actually became a family according to the documents. My name was now Sivana Reindir. We moved from Saint Hope to a house allocated to the doctor's family by the orphanage council.

We lived in a house behind a ravine on the south side, in a place called Rosemary Village. It was a small village for the staff of the shelter. The St. Hope Orphanage was in front, and behind it the pine forest. And after walking along the path through this forest, you could find yourself at a rocky ravine. Along it there are thick, tall thickets of rosemary. Every time I returned from the orphanage school, I enjoyed the sweet, invigorating aroma of rosemary and forest needles.

To get to our house, where we lived, we had to cross a dilapidated bridge spanning a ravine. It was easy in the dry summer. And in the slushy autumn and winter, when the darkness was approaching, I was afraid to go back alone. Mary and I promised each other that we would always come back from school together, although it didn't always work out. We became friends during the time that I spent here.

My memory did not return, and it began to seem to me that I had made up everything about the wolf and the boy. I became an ordinary child. Mary studied better than me in almost all subjects, but I was more given to observing and helping the doctor in his laboratory.

I called Mary's mother Paulina by name, not really feeling her warm disposition to me. But Dr. Rainier, whose last name I now bore as his daughter, I easily managed to call Dad. I often stayed late after school to stay in the laboratory and look through the microscope, read thick books about science and biology in the doctor's office. I felt comfortable with him.

Henry Reindir studied the side effects of the drugs given to the children at the orphanage and the composition of my blood. In his research on medicines, he found a way to protect children, and this was a breakthrough.

At least the infant mortality rate has decreased over the past year and Duplessis has temporarily forgotten about the orphanage. Of course, now the tested drugs brought him a huge income from sales to the rich of the country. Therefore, he was in no hurry to introduce new vaccines and pills for testing. This pleased Dr. Reindir.

But there was also something that upset him. In the research of my blood, he did not advance far, or rather did not advance at all.

–What do I miss every time? –he often said, adjusting the cuffs of his shirt, when the truth eluded him. This gesture betrayed his disappointment in his competence. The mountains of books that he studied and multiple samples did not give him an understanding of what and who I am by blood.

I liked living in Rosemary Village, in a quiet place surrounded by rosemary thickets and pine trees. And we were lucky with our neighbors. Our house was located next to the house of a literature teacher. He and his wife, who also taught music at the orphanage, often came to tea with us. And then we all went for a walk together, walking our dogs. It was a happy time for me.

And then one day Dr. Henry Reindir received an invitation for the whole family. He was invited by his mentor to the annual fall graduation dinner of the university. It was just on my tenth birthday. We decided to celebrate my birthday on October 31, the day I arrived at the St. Hope Orphanage.

– What luck, dear, I will be able to buy new dresses and clothes for the girls and myself for the winter! Pauline was delighted when she kissed the doctor. During the time that has passed since our first meeting, she has changed, has become lighter and more sincere. The doctor's love had ennobled her, and Henry was visibly happy with her.

Mary took the news of the trip calmly, she was generally a phlegmatic girl who shunned people. I was inspired by the upcoming trip. Perhaps in London I will find out the secret of my appearance here, or at least a hint.