The New Machiavelli
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It was just the most inappropriate time for that disclosure. The long smouldering antagonism to my endowment of motherhood ideas had flared up into an active campaign in the EXPURGATOR, and it would be altogether disastrous to us if I should be convicted of any personal irregularity. It was just because of the manifest and challenging respectability of my position that I had been able to carry the thing as far as I had done. Now suddenly my fortunes had sprung a leak, and scandal was pouring in… It chanced, too, that a wave of moral intolerance was sweeping through London, one of those waves in which the bitterness of the consciously just finds an ally in the panic of the undiscovered. A certain Father Blodgett had been preaching against social corruption with extraordinary force, and had roused the Church of England people to a kind of competition in denunciation. The old methods of the Anti-Socialist campaign had been renewed, and had offered far too wide a scope and too tempting an opportunity for private animosity, to be restricted to the private affairs of the Socialists. I had intimations of an extensive circulation of “private and confidential” letters…
I think there can be nothing else in life quite like the unnerving realisation that rumour and scandal are afoot about one. Abruptly one’s confidence in the solidity of the universe disappears. One walks silenced through a world that one feels to be full of inaudible accusations. One cannot challenge the assault, get it out into the open, separate truth and falsehood. It slinks from you, turns aside its face. Old acquaintances suddenly evaded me, made extraordinary excuses; men who had presumed on the verge of my world and pestered me with an intrusive enterprise, now took the bold step of flat repudiation. I became doubtful about the return of a nod, retracted all those tentacles of easy civility that I had hitherto spread to the world. I still grow warm with amazed indignation when I recall that Edward Crampton, meeting me full on the steps of the Climax Club, cut me dead. “By God!” I cried, and came near catching him by the throat and wringing out of him what of all good deeds and bad, could hearten him, a younger man than I and empty beyond comparison, to dare to play the judge to me. And then I had an open slight from Mrs. Millingham, whom I had counted on as one counts upon the sunrise. I had not expected things of that sort; they were disconcerting beyond measure; it was as if the world were giving way beneath my feet, as though something failed in the essential confidence of life, as though a hand of wet ice had touched my heart. Similar things were happening to Isabel. Yet we went on working, visiting, meeting, trying to ignore this gathering of implacable forces against us.
For a time I was perplexed beyond measure to account for this campaign. Then I got a clue. The centre of diffusion was the Bailey household. The Baileys had never forgiven me my abandonment of the young Liberal group they had done so much to inspire and organise; their dinner-table had long been a scene of hostile depreciation of the BLUE WEEKLY and all its allies; week after week Altiora proclaimed that I was “doing nothing,” and found other causes for our bye-election triumphs; I counted Chambers Street a dangerous place for me. Yet, nevertheless, I was astonished to find them using a private scandal against me. They did. I think Handitch had filled up the measure of their bitterness, for I had not only abandoned them, but I was succeeding beyond even their power of misrepresentation. Always I had been a wasp in their spider’s web, difficult to claim as a tool, uncritical, antagonistic. I admired their work and devotion enormously, but I had never concealed my contempt for a certain childish vanity they displayed, and for the frequent puerility of their political intrigues. I suppose contempt galls more than injuries, and anyhow they had me now. They had me. Bailey, I found, was warning fathers of girls against me as a “reckless libertine,” and Altiora, flushed, roguish, and dishevelled, was sitting on her fender curb after dinner, and pledging little parties of five or six women at a time with infinite gusto not to let the matter go further. Our cell was open to the world, and a bleak, distressful daylight streaming in.
I had a gleam of a more intimate motive in Altiora from the reports that came to me. Isabel had been doing a series of five or six articles in the POLITICAL REVIEW in support of our campaign, the POLITICAL REVIEW which had hitherto been loyally Baileyite. Quite her best writing up to the present, at any rate, is in those papers, and no doubt Altiora had had not only to read her in those invaded columns, but listen to her praises in the mouths of the tactless influential. Altiora, like so many people who rely on gesture and vocal insistence in conversation, writes a poor and slovenly prose and handles an argument badly; Isabel has her University training behind her and wrote from the first with the stark power of a clear-headed man. “Now we know,” said Altiora, with just a gleam of malice showing through her brightness, “now we know who helps with the writing!”
She revealed astonishing knowledge.
For a time I couldn’t for the life of me discover her sources. I had, indeed, a desperate intention of challenging her, and then I bethought me of a youngster named Curmain, who had been my supplemental typist and secretary for a time, and whom I had sent on to her before the days of our breach. “Of course!” said I, “Curmain!” He was a tall, drooping, sidelong youth with sandy hair, a little forward head, and a long thin neck. He stole stamps, and, I suspected, rifled my private letter drawer, and I found him one day on a turn of the stairs looking guilty and ruffled with a pretty Irish housemaid of Margaret’s manifestly in a state of hot indignation. I saw nothing, but I felt everything in the air between them. I hate this pestering of servants, but at the same time I didn’t want Curmain wiped out of existence, so I had packed him off without unnecessary discussion to Altiora. He was quick and cheap anyhow, and I thought her general austerity ought to redeem him if anything could; the Chambers Street housemaid wasn’t for any man’s kissing and showed it, and the stamps and private letters were looked after with an efficiency altogether surpassing mine. And Altiora, I’ve no doubt left now whatever, pumped this young undesirable about me, and scenting a story, had him to dinner alone one evening to get to the bottom of the matter. She got quite to the bottom of it, – it must have been a queer duologue. She read Isabel’s careless, intimate letters to me, so to speak, by this proxy, and she wasn’t ashamed to use this information in the service of the bitterness that had sprung up in her since our political breach. It was essentially a personal bitterness; it helped no public purpose of theirs to get rid of me. My downfall in any public sense was sheer waste, – the loss of a man. She knew she was behaving badly, and so, when it came to remonstrance, she behaved worse. She’d got names and dates and places; the efficiency of her information was irresistible. And she set to work at it marvellously. Never before, in all her pursuit of efficient ideals, had Altiora achieved such levels of efficiency. I wrote a protest that was perhaps ill-advised and angry, I went to her and tried to stop her. She wouldn’t listen, she wouldn’t think, she denied and lied, she behaved like a naughty child of six years old which has made up its mind to be hurtful. It wasn’t only, I think, that she couldn’t bear our political and social influence; she also – I realised at that interview couldn’t bear our loving. It seemed to her the sickliest thing, – a thing quite unendurable. While such things were, the virtue had gone out of her world.
I’ve the vividest memory of that call of mine. She’d just come in and taken off her hat, and she was grey and dishevelled and tired, and in a business-like dress of black and crimson that didn’t suit her and was muddy about the skirts; she’d a cold in her head and sniffed penetratingly, she avoided my eye as she talked and interrupted everything I had to say; she kept stabbing fiercely at the cushions of her sofa with a long hat-pin and pretending she was overwhelmed with grief at the DEBACLE she was deliberately organising.
“Then part,” she cried, “part. If you don’t want a smashing up, – part! You two have got to be parted. You’ve got never to see each other ever, never to speak.” There was a zest in her voice. “We’re not circulating stories,” she denied. “No! And Curmain never told us anything – Curmain is an EXCELLENT young man; oh! a quite excellent young man. You misjudged him altogether.”…
I was equally unsuccessful with Bailey. I caught the little wretch in the League Club, and he wriggled and lied. He wouldn’t say where he had got his facts, he wouldn’t admit he had told any one. When I gave him the names of two men who had come to me astonished and incredulous, he attempted absurdly to make me think they had told HIM. He did his horrible little best to suggest that honest old Quackett, who had just left England for the Cape, was the real scandalmonger. That struck me as mean, even for Bailey. I’ve still the odd vivid impression of his fluting voice, excusing the inexcusable, his big, shifty face evading me, his perspiration-beaded forehead, the shrugging shoulders, and the would-be exculpatory gestures – Houndsditch gestures – of his enormous ugly hands.
“I can assure you, my dear fellow,” he said; “I can assure you we’ve done everything to shield you – everything.”…
3
Isabel came after dinner one evening and talked in the office. She made a white-robed, dusky figure against the deep blues of my big window. I sat at my desk and tore a quill pen to pieces as I talked.
“The Baileys don’t intend to let this drop,” I said. “They mean that every one in London is to know about it.”
“I know.”
“Well!” I said.
“Dear heart,” said Isabel, facing it, “it’s no good waiting for things to overtake us; we’re at the parting of the ways.”
“What are we to do?”
“They won’t let us go on.”
“Damn them!”
“They are ORGANISING scandal.”
“It’s no good waiting for things to overtake us,” I echoed; “they have overtaken us.” I turned on her. “What do you want to do?”
“Everything,” she said. “Keep you and have our work. Aren’t we Mates?”
“We can’t.”
“And we can’t!”
“I’ve got to tell Margaret,” I said.
“Margaret!”
“I can’t bear the idea of any one else getting in front with it. I’ve been wincing about Margaret secretly – ”
“I know. You’ll have to tell her – and make your peace with her.”
She leant back against the bookcases under the window.
“We’ve had some good times, Master;” she said, with a sigh in her voice.
And then for a long time we stared at one another in silence.
“We haven’t much time left,” she said.
“Shall we bolt?” I said.
“And leave all this?” she asked, with her eyes going round the room. “And that?” And her head indicated Westminster. “No!”
I said no more of bolting.
“We’ve got to screw ourselves up to surrender,” she said.
“Something.”
“A lot.”
“Master,” she said, “it isn’t all sex and stuff between us?”
“No!”
“I can’t give up the work. Our work’s my life.”
We came upon another long pause.
“No one will believe we’ve ceased to be lovers – if we simply do,” she said.
“We shouldn’t.”
“We’ve got to do something more parting than that.”
I nodded, and again we paused. She was coming to something.
“I could marry Shoesmith,” she said abruptly.
“But – ” I objected.
“He knows. It wasn’t fair. I told him.”
“Oh, that explains,” I said. “There’s been a kind of sulkiness – But – you told him?”
She nodded. “He’s rather badly hurt,” she said. “He’s been a good friend to me. He’s curiously loyal. But something, something he said one day – forced me to let him know… That’s been the beastliness of all this secrecy. That’s the beastliness of all secrecy. You have to spring surprises on people. But he keeps on. He’s steadfast. He’d already suspected. He wants me very badly to marry him…”
“But you don’t want to marry him?”
“I’m forced to think of it.”
“But does he want to marry you at that? Take you as a present from the world at large? – against your will and desire?.. I don’t understand him.”
“He cares for me.”
“How?”
“He thinks this is a fearful mess for me. He wants to pull it straight.”
We sat for a time in silence, with imaginations that obstinately refused to take up the realities of this proposition.
“I don’t want you to marry Shoesmith,” I said at last.
“Don’t you like him?”
“Not as your husband.”
“He’s a very clever and sturdy person – and very generous and devoted to me.”
“And me?”
“You can’t expect that. He thinks you are wonderful – and, naturally, that you ought not to have started this.”
“I’ve a curious dislike to any one thinking that but myself. I’m quite ready to think it myself.”
“He’d let us be friends – and meet.”
“Let us be friends!” I cried, after a long pause. “You and me!”
“He wants me to be engaged soon. Then, he says, he can go round fighting these rumours, defending us both – and force a quarrel on the Baileys.”
“I don’t understand him,” I said, and added, “I don’t understand you.”
I was staring at her face. It seemed white and set in the dimness.
“Do you really mean this, Isabel?” I asked.
“What else is there to do, my dear? – what else is there to do at all? I’ve been thinking day and night. You can’t go away with me. You can’t smash yourself suddenly in the sight of all men. I’d rather die than that should happen. Look what you are becoming in the country! Look at all you’ve built up! – me helping. I wouldn’t let you do it if you could. I wouldn’t let you – if it were only for Margaret’s sake. THIS… closes the scandal, closes everything.”
“It closes all our life together,” I cried.
She was silent.
“It never ought to have begun,” I said.
She winced. Then abruptly she was on her knees before me, with her hands upon my shoulder and her eyes meeting mine.
“My dear,” she said very earnestly, “don’t misunderstand me! Don’t think I’m retreating from the things we’ve done! Our love is the best thing I could ever have had from life. Nothing can ever equal it; nothing could ever equal the beauty and delight you and I have had together. Never! You have loved me; you do love me…”
No one could ever know how to love you as I have loved you; no one could ever love me as you have loved me, my king. And it’s just because it’s been so splendid, dear; it’s just because I’d die rather than have a tithe of all this wiped out of my life again – for it’s made me, it’s all I am – dear, it’s years since I began loving you – it’s just because of its goodness that I want not to end in wreckage now, not to end in the smashing up of all the big things I understand in you and love in you…
“What is there for us if we keep on and go away?” she went on. “All the big interests in our lives will vanish – everything. We shall become specialised people – people overshadowed by a situation. We shall be an elopement, a romance – all our breadth and meaning gone! People will always think of it first when they think of us; all our work and aims will be warped by it and subordinated to it. Is it good enough, dear? Just to specialise… I think of you. We’ve got a case, a passionate case, the best of cases, but do we want to spend all our lives defending it and justifying it? And there’s that other life. I know now you care for Margaret – you care more than you think you do. You have said fine things of her. I’ve watched you about her. Little things have dropped from you. She’s given her life for you; she’s nothing without you. You feel that to your marrow all the time you are thinking about these things. Oh, I’m not jealous, dear. I love you for loving her. I love you in relation to her. But there it is, an added weight against us, another thing worth saving.”
Presently, I remember, she sat back on her heels and looked up into my face. “We’ve done wrong – and parting’s paying. It’s time to pay. We needn’t have paid, if we’d kept to the track… You and I, Master, we’ve got to be men.”
“Yes,” I said; “we’ve got to be men.”
4
I was driven to tell Margaret about our situation by my intolerable dread that otherwise the thing might come to her through some stupid and clumsy informant. She might even meet Altiora, and have it from her.
I can still recall the feeling of sitting at my desk that night in that large study of mine in Radnor Square, waiting for Margaret to come home. It was oddly like the feeling of a dentist’s reception-room; only it was for me to do the dentistry with clumsy, cruel hands. I had left the door open so that she would come in to me.
I heard her silken rustle on the stairs at last, and then she was in the doorway. “May I come in?” she said.
“Do,” I said, and turned round to her.
“Working?” she said.
“Hard,” I answered. “Where have YOU been?”
“At the Vallerys’. Mr. Evesham was talking about you. They were all talking. I don’t think everybody knew who I was. Just Mrs. Mumble I’d been to them. Lord Wardenham doesn’t like you.”
“He doesn’t.”
“But they all feel you’re rather big, anyhow. Then I went on to Park Lane to hear a new pianist and some other music at Eva’s.”
“Yes.”
“Then I looked in at the Brabants’ for some midnight tea before I came on here. They’d got some writers – and Grant was there.”
“You HAVE been flying round…”
There was a little pause between us.
I looked at her pretty, unsuspecting face, and at the slender grace of her golden-robed body. What gulfs there were between us! “You’ve been amused,” I said.
“It’s been amusing. You’ve been at the House?”
“The Medical Education Bill kept me.”…
After all, why should I tell her? She’d got to a way of living that fulfilled her requirements. Perhaps she’d never hear. But all that day and the day before I’d been making up my mind to do the thing.
“I want to tell you something,” I said. “I wish you’d sit down for a moment or so.”…
Once I had begun, it seemed to me I had to go through with it.
Something in the quality of my voice gave her an intimation of unusual gravity. She looked at me steadily for a moment and sat down slowly in my armchair.
“What is it?” she said.
I went on awkwardly. “I’ve got to tell you – something extraordinarily distressing,” I said.
She was manifestly altogether unaware.
“There seems to be a good deal of scandal abroad – I’ve only recently heard of it – about myself – and Isabel.”
“Isabel!”
I nodded.
“What do they say?” she asked.
It was difficult, I found, to speak.
“They say she’s my mistress.”
“Oh! How abominable!”
She spoke with the most natural indignation. Our eyes met.
“We’ve been great friends,” I said.
“Yes. And to make THAT of it. My poor dear! But how can they?” She paused and looked at me. “It’s so incredible. How can any one believe it? I couldn’t.”
She stopped, with her distressed eyes regarding me. Her expression changed to dread. There was a tense stillness for a second, perhaps.
I turned my face towards the desk, and took up and dropped a handful of paper fasteners.
“Margaret,” I said, “I’m afraid you’ll have to believe it.”
5
Margaret sat very still. When I looked at her again, her face was very white, and her distressed eyes scrutinised me. Her lips quivered as she spoke. “You really mean – THAT?” she said.
I nodded.
“I never dreamt.”
“I never meant you to dream.”
“And that is why – we’ve been apart?”
I thought. “I suppose it is.”
“Why have you told me now?”
“Those rumours. I didn’t want any one else to tell you.”
“Or else it wouldn’t have mattered?”
“No.”
She turned her eyes from me to the fire. Then for a moment she looked about the room she had made for me, and then quite silently, with a childish quivering of her lips, with a sort of dismayed distress upon her face, she was weeping. She sat weeping in her dress of cloth of gold, with her bare slender arms dropped limp over the arms of her chair, and her eyes averted from me, making no effort to stay or staunch her tears. “I am sorry, Margaret,” I said. “I was in love… I did not understand…”
Presently she asked: “What are you going to do?”
“You see, Margaret, now it’s come to be your affair – I want to know what you – what you want.”
“You want to leave me?”
“If you want me to, I must.”
“Leave Parliament – leave all the things you are doing, – all this fine movement of yours?”
“No.” I spoke sullenly. “I don’t want to leave anything. I want to stay on. I’ve told you, because I think we – Isabel and I, I mean – have got to drive through a storm of scandal anyhow. I don’t know how far things may go, how much people may feel, and I can’t, I can’t have you unconscious, unarmed, open to any revelation – ”
She made no answer.
“When the thing began – I knew it was stupid but I thought it was a thing that wouldn’t change, wouldn’t be anything but itself, wouldn’t unfold – consequences… People have got hold of these vague rumours… Directly it reached any one else but – but us two – I saw it had to come to you.”
I stopped. I had that distressful feeling I have always had with Margaret, of not being altogether sure she heard, of being doubtful if she understood. I perceived that once again I had struck at her and shattered a thousand unsubstantial pinnacles. And I couldn’t get at her, to help her, or touch her mind! I stood up, and at my movement she moved. She produced a dainty little handkerchief, and made an effort to wipe her face with it, and held it to her eyes. “Oh, my Husband!” she sobbed.
“What do you mean to do?” she said, with her voice muffled by her handkerchief.
“We’re going to end it,” I said.
Something gripped me tormentingly as I said that. I drew a chair beside her and sat down. “You and I, Margaret, have been partners,” I began. “We’ve built up this life of ours together; I couldn’t have done it without you. We’ve made a position, created a work – ”
She shook her head. “You,” she said.
“You helping. I don’t want to shatter it – if you don’t want it shattered. I can’t leave my work. I can’t leave you. I want you to have – all that you have ever had. I’ve never meant to rob you. I’ve made an immense and tragic blunder. You don’t know how things took us, how different they seemed! My character and accident have conspired – We’ll pay – in ourselves, not in our public service.”
I halted again. Margaret remained very still.
“I want you to understand that the thing is at an end. It is definitely at an end. We – we talked – yesterday. We mean to end it altogether.” I clenched my hands. “She’s – she’s going to marry Arnold Shoesmith.”
I wasn’t looking now at Margaret any more, but I heard the rustle of her movement as she turned on me.
“It’s all right,” I said, clinging to my explanation. “We’re doing nothing shabby. He knows. He will. It’s all as right – as things can be now. We’re not cheating any one, Margaret. We’re doing things straight – now. Of course, you know… We shall – we shall have to make sacrifices. Give things up pretty completely. Very completely… We shall have not to see each other for a time, you know. Perhaps not a long time. Two or three years. Or write – or just any of that sort of thing ever – ”
Some subconscious barrier gave way in me. I found myself crying uncontrollably – as I have never cried since I was a little child. I was amazed and horrified at myself. And wonderfully, Margaret was on her knees beside me, with her arms about me, mingling her weeping with mine. “Oh, my Husband!” she cried, “my poor Husband! Does it hurt you so? I would do anything! Oh, the fool I am! Dear, I love you. I love you over and away and above all these jealous little things!”
She drew down my head to her as a mother might draw down the head of a son. She caressed me, weeping bitterly with me. “Oh! my dear,” she sobbed, “my dear! I’ve never seen you cry! I’ve never seen you cry. Ever! I didn’t know you could. Oh! my dear! Can’t you have her, my dear, if you want her? I can’t bear it! Let me help you, dear. Oh! my Husband! My Man! I can’t bear to have you cry!” For a time she held me in silence.