The Fifteen Comforts of Matrimony: Responses from Men
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The Fifteen Comforts of Matrimony
The First Comfort of MatrimonyHappy were Man, when born as free as Air,Did he that freedom as he ought, prefer;But the first Thing he sets his Heart upon,Is to be Married, and to be undone:On some young Girl he casts his wanton Eyes,And wooes her with fine Complements and Toys.But that's not all—he grows in Love at last,And is impatient till those Joys he taste:Nor do's the wishing Virgin disagree,In what she longs to taste as well as he;Married they are—no Couple for a whileEnjoy such Pleasure, Fortune seems to smile:But all's a Dream, from which in time they wake,And now their Breasts of other Cares partake:She grows true Woman, sullen, proud, and high,Complains he keeps her not accordingly,To what she brought—wants This rich Thing, and ThatUntil she runs him o'er Head and Ears in Debt,That in a Gaol he's forc'd to end his Life,The first great Comfort flowing from a Wife.The Second Comfort of MatrimonyAnother that has got a Handsome Wife,Makes her the only Heaven of his Life;Keeps her Extravagantly, Fine and Gay,And never thinks she makes too much away;The Treats and Balls she is invited to,And he good Man, consents that she shall go:Believes her Company is much desired,And's proud to think she shou'd be so admired:Until at length, by chance he finds the Truth,And catches her with some enamour'd Youth:Surpriz'd—but dare not make the Matter known,Conceals her Shame, that he may hide his own;He ever after spends an anxious Life,Heavy his Sorrow, and as Light his Wife.The Third Comfort of MatrimonyScarce has another three full Moons beguil'd,But that his forward Spouse has prov'd with Child,And now begins the drugery of Life,Lo! the vast Comforts of a Breeding Wife,Now she's grown Squeamish, such ado is kept,She e'en as peevish as an Ape new whipt,She pukes and whines, do's nothing but complain,And vows she'll never know the like again;But 'tis as Children promise to be good,Only remember'd while they feel the Rod.And now the look'd for time approaches nigh,And you've a thousand several Things to buy,The Twi-lights, Blankets, and the Lord knows what,To keep the Child, perhaps he never got,A noise of Bawdy Gossips in his Ears,Until his House like Billings gate appears,Thus amply curst, he grows discreetly dull,And from a Man of Sence, becomes a Fool. The Fourth Comfort, &cOne that so fast in Hymens Net appears,He has been strugling in't near twenty Years:With Care and Toil to propagate his Store,Able to keep the Wolf just from the Door;As num'rous Offspring round his Table spread;Daughters for Marriage fit, and Sons for Trades,Is Blest with Comforts of the Marriage Bed.Charges encreasing daily, and the thoughtWhere to get Money to dispose 'em out?Or then perhaps he feels the greater Curse,The Sons turn Sots, or Fools, the Daughters worse;The Wife still teezing him to do his part,Until he has enough to break his Heart. The Fifth Comfort, &cBut the least pitied is your Aged Ass,Who tho full Sixty, wou'd for Forty pass:And that he may be sure a Crop to have,And carry Horns fresh budding to his Grave,On one of Twenty, blooming as a Rose,His dry and wither'd Carkass he bestows:She jilts, intrigues, and plays upon him still,Keeps her Gallants, and Rambles at her Will;Do's nothing but her Pride and Pleasure mind,And throws his Gold like Chaff before the Wind;Until at length she beggars the old Slave,And brings his Gray-Hairs with Sorrow to the Grave. The Sixth Comfort, &cThe next in course is he that weds a Shrew;One that will talk, and wear the Breeches too;Governs, insults, do's what e'er she thinks fit,And he good Man, must to her Will submit;Mannages all Affairs at home, abroad,While he a Cypher seems, and stands for naught;When e'er he speaks, she snaps him, and crys,Pray hold your Tongue, who was't made you so wife?You will be prating, though you nothing know:This he must bear, and be contented too,See his Friends slighted, and must silent be,Till Death shall from the Torment set him free. The Seventh Comfort, &cAnother that has liv'd some Years in Peace,A wedded Life—do's now in strength decrease,Nor able is to satisfie that Debt,Which Marriage claims, and Women still expect,Wherefore she now withdraws her Love and Care,Reviles, and twits him of his Slights to her;Makes it a daily Quarrel, flings and throws,And Peace is now a Stranger to his House;Nay, even his Servants, and his Children too,E'en act the same they see the Mother do,While he declining, and consumptive sits,Bears all with patience, and to all submits. The Eighth Comfort, &cAnother Lady, nicer bred and born,Makes Huswif'ry, and Providence her ScornHer Maid and she must to the Wells repair,She is not well, and goes to take the Air:The House to Servants she entrusts at home,And down on Saturday her Spouse must come,And with him something very Costly bring,Or Treat her there with some nice pretty thing,She brought a Fortune, and it must be so,But home to Rack and Ruin all do's go,He sums his Gains, and finds it will not do;In that for fifteen hundred pound she brought,He'd better had a Huswife in her Smock. The Ninth Comfort, &cAnother that with Prudence, and with Cares,Has mannag'd well his Family Affairs,Govern'd his Wife and Children with that ease,Which always kept the Family in peace;His sons and Daughters educated so,None better bred, none cou'd gentiler go:The Sons are now set up to drive their Trade,The daughters married, and their Fortunes paid.One Son runs out, another takes ill ways,For which their Father's Pocket always pays;The Daughter's Husband breaks, and she must comeAnd live a burthen on him again at home;Until the daily Cares that they impart,Break first his Substance, and then break his Heart. The Tenth Comfort, &cOne thinking to encrease the Joys of Life,Marries a Beautiful young Buxom Wife;But soon he finds himself grow cloy'd and weak,Nor can he give her half those Joys she'd take,He now Consumptive, Pale and Meagre grows,While she complaining to her Parents goes;Says she can't Love him, such a one as he.And now desires she may live sep'rately.The poor fond Parents to him trudge in haste,And reprimand him soundly for what's past.He knows no Cause—Nor thinks he is to blame,They tell him plainly she shall live with them,And he allow her what is fit to have,Which he must yield to if he'll quiet have. The Eleventh Comfort, &cAnother has begun before her Time,Tasted those joys—but still conceal'd her CrimeAnd now her Parents thinks her fit to Wed,(The Man that has her's finely brought to Bed,)Some hopeful Youth of Equal Worth is found,And soon his Suit with glad Success is crown'd,The Marriage Articles next agreed,And the Impostor Virgin sooth'd to Bed;The Am'rous Bridegroom on the Wanton flies,Who modestly his first Attempt denys;Again he moves her, she denys again,Crys Lord I never shall endure a Man:But warmer grown, he rushes on the Bride,And panting now, is but with Sighs deny'd,She yields a little to dissemble more,Knowing the part she'd acted once before:Wwhile he good Man, so pleas'd with what he'as done,Proclaims her Chastity to all the Town. The Twelfth Comfort, &cSome are so fond, so blinded in their Choice,That they are ravish'd with their beautious Prize;In such a case the young unthinking Sot,Boasts what a handsome Genteel Wife he'as got,Doates on her Face, commends her Shape and Air,And thinks her Virtuous beyond compare:When all the time she plays her Pranks unknown,And with her Gallant rambles up and down;[*?]y, brings him home, while the poor Husband's sentOn some Fools Errand, she has her content:At length he finds her out, but dare not speak,But bears all calmly for his Honour's sake.The Thirteenth Comfort of MatrimonyThis Married to some Beauty of Renown, }Whose Business often keeps him out of Town; }But the good Woman cannot lie alone: }While the poor Lawyer's stating o'er the Case,She finds another to supply his Place;And proving pregnant, reckons up the Time,Lest the Sot Husband shou'd suspect her Crime.She swallows Drugs and Poysons ev'ry day,To bring the Child before its time away;This she performs so often, and is Sick,That he at length begins to smoak the Trick;Next time he keeps account, and plains it is,He swears point-blank the Child is none of his.The Fourteenth Comfort of MatrimonyThe next a Widow thinks it best to Wed,And takes the knowing Matron to his Bed,A while he quenches her insatiate Fire,But in a little times begins to tire,The Lady soon the difference can find,And truly very plainly speaks her Mind,She twits him of the good departed Man,Whose like, she says, She ne'er shall see again,He never left me in a Morning so,But took a parting Kiss before he'd go;And get me some Good Thing for Breakfast too:Well, he a dear kind Husband was to me,But now my Days are spent in Misery.The Fifteenth Comfort of MatrimonyLast, and not least of all these Comforts is,The Man that's Wedded unto some Disease,A peevish, crazy, and a sickly Wife,The Burthen and the Nusance of his Life;Her Bed, the meer resemblance of a Tomb,And an Apothecarys Shop her Room;Coughing and Spitting all the Night she lies,A very Antidote to Marriage Joys:Yet the poor Man must bear with all these Ills,Besides the Excessive Charge of Physick Bills,A Nurse, fine Cordials, and a hundred things,Until his Substance she to little brings,Till may be she at length resigns to Death,The only Comfort he cou'd hope on Earth.FINISThe best and most Experienced Remedy for Sore or Weak Eyes, that ever yet was made known to the World, being of that wonderful Efficacy, that it infallibly dispels any Humour or Salt Rheum distilling from the Head; and takes away all Soreness, or Redness, or Swelling: It also strengthens weak Eyes (Sometimes occasioned by the Small-Pox) and will disperse any Film or Cataract growing over the Eye, whereby the Sight oftentimes becomes dim; in a few times using this Excellent Remedy, to those that will be perswaded to use it often, it will preserve the Sight to an incredible Age, and read the smallest of Prints. It being a Secret acquired by a Gentleman in his long Study, whereby he has wrought wonderful Cures among his Relations and Acquaintance; and now made publick for the Benefit of all People that will make tryal of it.
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THE BATCHELORS AND MAIDS ANSWER TO THE FIFTEEN COMFORTS OF MATRIMONY
BEINGReal Encouragements for all Single Persons of both Sexes to Marry as soon as ever they can get Wives and Husbands, in order to avoid the danger of leading Apes in Hell; with sutable Directions for that purposeDedicated to Married Men and WomenLicensed and Enter'd according to Order LONDON, Printed and Sold by Henry Hills, in Black-Fryars, near the Water-side The Batchelors and Maids Answer to the Fifteen Comforts of MatrimonyAnswer to the First Mock ComfortBut why shou'd Marriage render Man undone?When nothing's like it underneath the Sun.True Pleasures in the Marriage-Bed alone,Real Joys without it never yet was known.The Charming Bliss in Wedlock chiefly lies,A Single Life all Honest Men despise,What greater Comfort can on Earth be found,When two True Hearts are both together Crown'd.All other Pleasures are but Pains to this,A Married Couple only, finds the Bliss.The Frowns of Fate, and other Worldly Cares,Are daily lessen'd by divided Shares.The mutual Love of Man and Wife dispense,With all the Chances of dark Providence;Nay, If in Prison he shou'd chance to lie,A Loving Wife brings Comforts and Supply.She pays him visits with Delight and Care,And Loves him ne're the less for being there.Answer to the Second Mock ComfortAnd why shou'd not a Man adore his Wife,Since She's the only Comfort of his Life.A Gift presented by the Gods above,A lively Emblem of the Charms of Love.All o're Divine, a Heaven, here belowMan's Paradice, where Joys in Plenty flow.No Shame, but Honour does bless'd Wedlock Crown,And ushers in both Glory and Renown.Sweet pretty Babes, the Product of each Charm,In Marriage-Bed protects us from all harm,Their Innocence like Lambs and Doves appear,Which make our Hearts and Minds quite void of Care.No Sorrow can lay hold of Man or Wife,Where Love and Virtue is the Rule of Life.Answer to the Third mock ComfortOh! Monstrous Man, nay Beast, (I almost said)What cursed Thoughts are got into thy Head?To rail at those to whom thy Life is due,No Mortal yet durst be so vile as you?If whipping Joan was here alive and stout,You do deserve to be well whip'd about.Ten thousand lashes shall adorn thy Bumb,If ever such a whipping Lass should come.'Tis strange a Woman shou'd be so envy'd,Not only mock'd, but shamefully bely'd.With bawdy Gossips, and the Lord knows what,To Name a Child the Husband never got.You call him Fool, and yet that Title claim,And prove your self the Person you wou'd Name.You know it is a Woman's due by Birth,To Scold and Cry, next moment Joy and Mirth.One minute smile, the very next a Frown,Perhaps the next she knocks her Husband down.But what does this to hinder higher Charms?When Joys are fix'd between the Husband's Arms,Such transports are out of the reach of thought,Tis only known where Wedlock Bonds are wrought.Answer to the Fourth Mock ComfortThe Marriage-hater here is forc'd to own,The many Comforts which doth Wedlock Crown.But strives to mix it with such Cares and Toil,As if curs'd Malice cou'd such Blessings spoil.Makes Charges frightful on that very score,As if Mankind should ne'er encrease no more;Nay, Atheist-like, he makes it ten times worse,And calls God's Blessings nothing but a Curse:Our Sons are Sots, and all our Daughters Whores,Because we keep the Woolf just from the Doors:Was ever Man so void of Sense and Shame,As thus against all Reason to exclaim?As if a Wife her Kindness to impart,Shou'd teaze her Husband as to break his Heart:This is such Stuff as ne'er was heard before,But hope the like again shall see no more.Answer to the Fifth Mock ComfortI here agree with this, my Rhiming Foe,And own 'tis Folly when the Case is so;For whatsoe'er the cunning Jilt pretendTo her Old Husband, yet she'll have Her Friend;She'll coax the Dotard when his Bags are full,Yet even then graft Horns upon his Skull,Makes him a Beggar to enrich her Cull:She seems most fond, till she gets all the Pence,And then with Bag and Baggage marches thence;She leaves the Fool without one single Cross,To sit, lamenting for his fatal Loss.Answer to the Sixth Mock ComfortBut here I differ from the Poet's Thought,Who says, A Scold as even good for nought;For, like Job's Wife, she will Man's Patience try,And bring Repentance too, before he die:Then who'd live single, if a Scolding WifeWorks such great Wonders in a Husband's Life?Answer to the Seventh Mock ComfortNo modest Woman will disdain her Spouse,Because he seldom peeps into her House;Since Age and Sickness doth the Sport prevent,She'll exercise her Patience with Content:For where all's gone, the Queen must lose Her Right,So must a Wife the Pleasure of the Night.A Loving Woman, puts up those Defects,And gives her Husband Honour and Respect;Like Pious Sarah, serve him like a Lord;Obeys in all things, which do's Peace afford:Their Children too add Pleasure to their Lives!Thus Men are Bless'd, who marry Virtuous Wives.Answer to the Eighth Mock ComfortWhy should not Females under Wedlock tyes,Participate with what the Man Enjoys?Man's Second-self must have her share in MirthA Freedom, which is right to her by Birth:If Fortune's Bounty has encreased her Store,Her Husband's Love to her shou'd be the more;No Cost or Care too much for such a Wife,Whose Vertuous Charms adds Pleasure to the Life:Such Comforts on a married Life depend,There's nothing like a Loving Bosom-Friend.If Husband's Stock is wasted by mischance,A careful Wife will soon the same advance.Answer to the Ninth Mock ComfortThe Man more often is the cause of Loss,By Drinking, Whoring or some Earthly Cross;Then patient Wife, who yet must bear the Blame,And hide the cause of his notorous Shame;And many times the Sons and Daughters too,Act just the same they see their Father do:And therefore if they chance to go astray,The Father pointed out the crooked way;And yet the Crosses in a married LifeAre all imputed to a Tender Wife:And notwithstanding all this knavish Art,It sooner breaks the Wife's than Husband's Heart.Answer to the Tenth Mock ComfortI wonder where this spiteful Author findssuch wanton Women, with such lustful Minds;Unless he speaks by knowledg of his own,Whose Lewdness is the Scandal of the Town;If so, he's not mistaken in his Mark,For Joan's as good as Lady in the Dark:But 'tis unjust to tax all Womankind,With Vices proper to one single mind.If some are bad, I only this shall say,I pity those that wed with such as they.Answer to the Eleventh Mock ComfortThis by Experience, as I said before,You speak because you married such a Wh–re;The words themselves as plain, as plain can beDescribe your self, that you are only He,The very Actions with your cheating Bride,In lustful Sport, when you lay by her side;How by degrees she did the Fool deceiveWith fained Blushes make you then believeHer Virgin Fort well fortify'd within,Free from Attacks of such a pleasing Sin:What e'er the Picture wants of being true,Is, that it looks not so deform'd as you.Answer to the Twelfth Mock ComfortTho' some are blindly led, and others run,And make both haste and speed to be undone;This alters not the Case in any wise,But that a Man sometimes may get a Prize,If some be wanton in obscure Nookes,And Ape the Saint, by framing modest Looks;Deceive the Husband, with her cunning Wiles,And cheat his Senses with her feigned smiles,These (I confess,) are hardships to be born,And worse to think the Fore-head tip'd with Horn,But still good Wives, if any such there be,Are real Comforts of a high Degree.Answer to the Thirteenth Mock ComfortThe Lawyer's Wife is brought in for her share,To recompence her Loving Husband's care;As he by Bribes hath Honest Men undone,She gives to Knaves, what he might call his own.But Drugs and Poysons to a married Wife,I cannot understand it for my Life.For she that has a Husband need not fear,But all Suspicion soon will disappear.No matter where or when the Child was got,It always falls unto the Husband's Lot.Answer to the Fourteenth Mock Comfort'Tis true, a Widow always knows the best,To judge those Joys, which some do call a Jest.And if her Second Mate prove weak and dull,With Sorrow then be sure her Heart is full.And who can blame her, if she makes Complaint,For that sweet Comfort to supply her want.Well may she grieve at such a Cross as this,For that one Fault makes all things go amiss.If Husband wants what Widows Nature crave }He'd better be condemn'd to be a Slave, }Or make the Raging Sea his Watry Grave. }But if she finds her Pleasures to encrease,Oh! then (my Husband) how we live in Peace.She's then all Charms, no Comforts here below,Are like what she and her dear Spouse do know.Answer to the Fifteenth Mock ComfortA Peevish Husband makes a peevish Wife,And so brings Scandal on a Married Life.No wonder then if Sickness and Disease,Brought on by Crosses, doth the Body seize.All this is owing to a hair-brain'd Man,Whose base ill nature all the strife began.Then why shou'd Women thus be stil'd a Curse?When Man himself perhaps is ten times worse.Perhaps you'll say this is proposterous,In blaming others I my self expose.I Answer thus, if it was not for shame,I'd this same Minute quite disown the Name.For Men like you, their Names do sound no more,Than if you call'd an Honest Woman Whore.FINISAt the Pastry-School, over against the Compter in Shovel-Ally in Wood-street, near Cheapside; is Sold, a never failing Oyntment that Cures the GOUT, altho the Party be reduced to his Crutches, and that in two or three Days time; having often been found True by Experience, to the great Ease and Comfort of many: It also Cures Rheumatick Pains. Likewise a Cure for the Tooth-Ach, which Infallibly Cures without Drawing.
THE FIFTEEN COMFORTS OF WHORING, OR, THE PLEASURES OF A TOWN-LIFE
Dedicated to the Youth of the present AgeBy the Author of the Fifteen Comforts of MatrimonyLONDONPrinted in the YEAR, 1706The PREFACEI am in a little pain lest the Title shou'd give Offence to some, whom I am unwilling to disoblige; yet I hope be more Judicious, when they see the design will allow it both their Pardon and Approbation: for 'tis more than a little odds, had I call'd it the Fifteen Plagues of Whoring, whether the young Gentlemen most concerned in it, would have given themselves the trouble to peruse it. As they are Children in their Actions, they must be dealt with like Children, and have their Horn-books Gi[*?]ou the back. This is all the Apology I have to make; which I hope the Moral will explain, and supply all else that might be said upon that Head. Among all other Debaucheries, as the principal, and leading Vice, I shall begin with Whoring.
The Fifteen Comforts of WhoringThe First Comfort of WhoringNo sooner Youth throws off his Infant Plays,The harmless Pastime of his happier DaysBut past a Child, is still in Judgement so,And studies first what he is not to know,Pleasure and Sence his easie Soul entice,Spurr'd forward by his Native Love to Vice:A Mistress now his Fancy entertains,And Youthful Vigour boils within his Brains.The poor lost Maid he do's with Oaths intice;And loads his Soul with twenty Thousand Lyes;Promises Marriage, Love, a hundred things,Till both himself and her, he to destruction brings.At length he finds his falsity repaid,And draws the Curse of Heaven on his Head.The Second Comfort of WhoringBy this some Lewder Harlot is Carrest,Who plays the Tyrant in his Am'rous Breast;The Charming Syren touches e'ery String,To keep his busie Fancy on the Wing;All by her whiles, she binds her Captive fast,Sooths him at first, and bubbles him at last.To feed her Pride, clandestine means he'll take,Rob Friends, or Master; for the Harlot's sake,Still to the greatest Ill's he do's descend,And Ruin only; Ruin Seals his End.The Third Pleasure of a Town LifeWhat Nature has not done, a Harlot will,(For sure Destruction is her boasted Skill:One Scarce to the full Bloom of Life attain'd,Before of Cramps and Aches he complains,Curses the Jilt—looks pale and wan withal:Wither'd like Fruit by their untimely fall,Go's thro' a hated Course of nauseous Pills,And spends a little thousand Pocky Bills:Perhaps at length he do's get free from pain,But the Effects on't all his Life remain.The Fourth Pleasure of a Town LifeAnother hardly does escape so well,From Purgatory he drops into Hell;Where like a branded Sacrifice he comes,And in the Flame the Harlot lit, consumes:Of Buboes, Nodes, and Ulcers he complains,Of Restless Days, and damn'd nocturnal Pains.Nor less than into six Weeks Flux he goes:Comes out a Shadow, pale and Meagre shews,If Heaven spare that Ornament his Nose:Thus all his Youthful Vigor's threwn away,And e're his time he dwindles to decay.The Fifth Comfort of a Town LifeThis married, settled in the Joys of Life,A handsom Trade, and an endearing Wife;Does yet a mind incontinent betray,And for a Night of Pleasure dearly pay:Having received a Favour from his Miss,He kindly gives it to a Friend of his:The Wife, (for that the Marriage Rites say still)Must bear a part both of the Good or Ill.She finds what pity 'tis she e'er had known,Since for no Crime, nor Pleasure of her own,Reveals it to him, knowing not at first,What might the Cause be—tho' she fear'd the worst.He strives to pacifie her twenty waysBlushes—or wou'd do if he'd any Grace.Tells Her the truth in Penetential strain,And vows he'll never do the like again,She weeps, forgives him all—but must endure,The manner, and the Charges of a Cure;Where One in twenty scarce so perfect be,But that they leave it to Posterity.The Sixth Comfort of a Town LifeOr where they 'scape the plagues of Pox and Pills,The Sin is liable to fifty Ills,Of equal Danger, tho' a diff'rent Cure,As he that dreading Claps wou'd Sin secure;For soon the pliant Wretch he has beguil'dHath to his Charge and wonder prove with Child:At which, 'tmay properly be said a Man,Leaps from the Fire to the Frying-pan,This for his Reputation sake must be reveal'dWhen Claps are only as a Jest reveal'dShe's now Remov'd—Deliver'd—and the Nurse;Comes thick and threefold to Exhaust his Purse;A blessed Life that woful Mortal bears,With Nurse and Child, and Mother in his Ears.Arm'd with a Thousand things that must be had,Till they have drein'd him poor and made him mad:What better (had he been convin'd before,)He had Transgress'd with some Obedient Whore.The Seventh Pleasure of a Town LifeAnother that he may his Joys secure,Turns Limbetham and keep some Gaudy whore,Thinks her his own—when Satan knows her his mind,Is like her Body not to be confin'd,As constant as the Moon, she plays her part,And like a Viper preys upon his Heart:Draws him so poor, till like her Slaves,Which she bestows on some smart Fop she loves,For this is with 'em a perpetual Rule,They never Love the Person that they fool,This he perceives not till it is too late,Till Ruined in his Person and Estate.And then good Night, when all his money's gone,Miss leaves him too, to ply about the Town.The Eighth Pleasure of a Town LifeBut above all—if't be within thy Power,Oh Fate! to Curse me any mortal more,Let him be him that does so wretched prove,To be with some Intriging Jilt in Love:Nay, tho' in part to mollifie his pain,We'll say the Harlot chance to Love again?I mean such Love as Lewdness can impart,Bred in the Blood—but never in the Heart.With softning presents he would Cure her mind,To him, and only to him, to be Kind.But were the Indies all within his Pow'rTo give, he would but lavish all his Store,He might confine the Sea, as soon as her.What then (since Love no Rival will submit)Must he indure that with this plague do's meet:When every Thought is Death and DiscontentTo know, what he wants power to prevent,The case can only this conclusion have,He's twice more wretched than a Galley-slave.The Ninth Pleasure of a Town LifeThis has some Jilt for a long time sustain'd,Who has Imperious o'er his Pocket reign'd;At length grown weary of so loose a Life,Or for some other Cause, he takes a wife:The Jilt now like a Fury flings and tears,Ten thousand Oaths to be reveng'd she swears:Threatens to come before his very Door,For Whores are plagues that never give you o'er:There in the open Street to act the Scene,And let the World know what a Spark he's been:This; may be some fair promises prevents,If constantly attended with the pence;For Whores and Fidlers this one Rule advance,Of old; no longer Pipe, no longer Dance.But if the Promis'd Pension he withdraws,The Fury then again Exerts her Claws:Thus he a charge, continual intails,Besides the Curse, the Noise, and all things else;The Tenth Pleasure of a Town Life,Another Harlot works by various means,And acts a Jilt's true part behind the Scenes,[*?]nds the kind Bubble of a pliant Size,And Spreads a subtle Net to catch her Prize,With greater ease to drive him in the same,She first obtains his Residence, and Name,Two useful Perquisites for her design;The Shallow Easie Fop to undermine;A Mesiage next she sends to let him know,Convey'd by some such useful Rogue as R–w;That she's with Child—and by the Love she bore,It must be him—for she was never so before.Which he with wonderful Surprize receives,And for the present some few Guineas gives,Thus he's impos'd on by a wretched Cheat,And er'e he finds it out; pays dearly for his Wit.The Eleventh Pleasure of a Town LifeNor this alone Debauch'ry comprehends,The forward Age to other vice descends,And Youth e're he'as attain'd good Sence to think,Addicts himself with Pride, to swear and drink:[*?]'s Rules Immoral from Example take,And e're he's turn'd of fifteen, turns a Rake:[*?]ots in Sin—(nothing that's Lewd shall scapeAnd on his Virgin Health commits a Rape,Forsaking Reason—grows to Vice a Slave,And e'r he's Thirty drops into his Grave.The Twelfth Plague of a Town Life,Another has a better Progress made,And binds himself Apprentice to the Trade;A parboyl'd Sot, without one Spark of Grace,Whose nightly Sins are number'd on his Face:Which with the Rags upon his back make out,The very Arms and Ensigns of a Sot:Who like a Rat into Some Corner goes,And dies Unpittied both by Friends and Foes.The Thirteenth Pleasure of a Town LifeWhat do's that Man deserve? to whom his Fate;Has given an ample Stock or an Estate?(That has, perhaps, besides a tender Wife;Yet into Riot and Excess do's fall,And in debauchery consumes it all?And to his Sure Destruction makes such hast;He do's in Body, with his Substance waste:Lives till he want what he had misemply'dAnd is like one that God had curs'd, Destroy'd.The Fourteenth Pleasure of a Town LifeBut say that this a Constitution has,Firm and unshaken as a pile of BrassYet who'd Endure the Palsies, aching Heads?The pains, the Qualms, that nightly Drinking breeds?Perpetual disorder draggs him on,Business Neglected, and himself Undone,A Wretched Life he spends till threescore Years,And then the Fruits of Drunkeness appears.The Fifteenth Pleasure of a Town LifeSatyr and couculde—and sum the Evils up,Shew the great wonder how the Land shou'd 'scape,From Fires, Famines, Pestilence and Rage,To crush so vile, so proffligate an Age?For let the Church be Empty as it will,You'll see the Play-house, and the Taverns fill:Whole Afternoons, whole Nights they'll Squander there,Yet can't Spare one poor Minute on't for Pray'r,This is the Sum of a Licentious Town,Where Lewdness is into Example grown.FINIS