Let Me Love You

“I see. It doesn’t sound like something I’d wish on my worst enemy but you may have caught me at a time of weakness. Okay, I’m in. I think I could use the getaway.” They talked for another five minutes, exchanged the pertinent information and then hung up.

Terrance’s statement, though brief, told Branch more than Terrance realized. In college, Terrance had always gotten the girl, dropped the girl, then sung a song of woe for the next week before hooking up with the next honey in line. Then, in his sophomore year, he’d met Zoie.

Sophomore year at Temple University had been tough. Declaring a major, keeping your grades above the basement level and establishing your coolness ratio were daunting tasks. Both Terrance and Branch had been dedicated to the cause. Avoiding the unwritten rules of college life was definitely a major part of the deal with the number one rule being no dating of freshmen.

Enter, Zoie. Temple’s freshmen class had a number of delectable entries but Zoie Anderson was noticed almost immediately. Tall, thin and shapely, sure of herself and extremely intelligent, Zoie exuded sensuality. When she walked into a room, heads turned. When she spoke out in class, students listened. And when she moved off campus, got an apartment with two other freshmen and it became part of the campus knowledge, it also became the stuff of which Temple University legends were made.

The two met on a rainy night at a noisy off-campus party that neither one really was enjoying. They left together and became instantly inseparable. In the next months, they were seen on campus together, off campus together, and if one was spotted without the other, the next question asked was, “Where is your copilot?” That lasted for the next two years. It seemed that Terrance had been taken off the available list by a freshman. There wasn’t anything anybody could do about it. Not even him.

He wasn’t able to explain it, couldn’t seem to stop it and was powerless to change her influence on him. She commanded his attention, his concentration and most of all, his loyalty. It was a different kind of existence for him coming from a family which had been functionally inadequate. Terrance was unaccustomed to having to give answers on his whereabouts from the time he’d turned twelve. No one ever thought to ask, “Where are you going and how long will you be gone?”

Unbeknownst to him, that information had suddenly become common fodder for a daily planner which Zoie kept in her locked duffel bag. By the time Terrance realized he’d become the pet rock of a freshman zookeeper, it was too late. Precedents had already been set, limitations already established. Oddly, it felt right.

It was fine for a while. Actually, it was lovely for a long time with quiet walks in the park, movies when they could afford it and lovemaking at any time the notion hit them. That is, until the day when the blinders were lifted after he decided to try having an in-depth conversation with a graduate student about the coming election of a new city council leader. Zoie walked in on them sitting at a conference table in study hall and had a midday meltdown. The fact that the girl was an unknown entity, a sophisticated upperclassman killed the deal—at least for Zoie. She assumed, correctly, that an upperclassman would possess the ability to outrank, outclass and outmaneuver her.

Terrance was still under the misguided impression that he could handle things, so the young couple continued to see each other even after the initial crack in the relationship’s exterior. Originally enrolled as a science major, Terrance realized his real passion was medicine at around the same time as Zoie’s freak-out. He switched majors but tried, unsuccessfully, to remain consistent with his dating partner.

Six months later when Zoie saw him with the same female student as before, she showed up at his dorm room armed with a can of spray paint, an armful of flyers and proceeded to paint her way into Temple University history.

She spray painted obscenities, accusations about his masculinity and several badly spelled expletives all across the campus, concentrating her efforts at Xenon Hall where he shared a room with an economics major from Buffalo.

Then she proceeded to cross the campus from one end to the other stapling posters to each tree or any other standing element which would allow punctures. She also covered many of the existing billboards. The flyers contained a photo of Terrance with the word “PLAYER” sprawled across the front and a huge red line through his picture.

Needless to say, the incident curtailed his dating efforts for the remainder of his tenure at the school. His name had become part of the public consciousness on Temple University’s main campus. Ironically, Zoie’s legacy included being called up on charges by the school’s administration and a psychiatric evaluation. She quietly left Temple soon after and returned to Pittsburgh, her hometown.

Now, looking back on it, he wondered if he hadn’t had that experience, if things would have turned out differently.

After being dateless for a full year, he’d met Brianna. Determined to take his time getting to know her, it dawned on him pretty quickly that they had more in common than not. The fact that he’d never noticed her, although she was in his graduating class, stunned him. That she also came from the Caribbean pleased him, although he’d always wondered what Trinidad had on his home, Paradise Island.

Aside from being several times the size of the Bahamas and reportedly one of the wealthiest islands in the Caribbean, Trinidad’s existence had never posed any real interest for him. Suddenly, he found it important to know as much as he could.

Small, petite with coal-black hair, Brianna was pretty with an added touch of exotic flair. She also possessed both the talent and brains to become a top-notch M.D. Terrance was immediately struck by the reality that she was different from anyone he’d ever met before. Although she studied a great deal and partied very little, she still managed to be more fun than many of the party animals he knew. Something about her inspired confidence, a quality he found refreshing. Ironically, on their second date, he began calling her Bree without knowing her entire family did, too.

They were married one year after graduation. Brianna passed the examinations necessary to become a registered nurse in the Bahamas and they set up housekeeping there. Around the same time, Terrance finished up his premed courses and entered into an internship with Nassau Medical Center, a state-of-the-art hospital which had only been built three years before. They were owned in part by a medical conglomerate located in the United Kingdom.

They’d discussed Brianna’s change of heart about becoming a doctor many times. Terrance did his best to convince her that it was still possible, but she no longer felt it was necessary.

“One doctor in the house is enough. I’ll continue in nursing. It’s fine,” she’d said.

The marriage was solid for the first year and a half. Then all hell broke loose. It started with small things, then mushroomed as each month passed. Brianna complained incessantly about every birth-control product on the market. Everything from bloating, headaches, dizziness and real or imagined weight gain plagued her.

Terrance attributed much of the complaints to her not wanting to take the Pill; hence he concluded she wanted to be pregnant. For some unfathomable reason, the thought of becoming a father bothered him. And the thought of Brianna becoming pregnant terrified him.

One Sunday afternoon, as Terrance polished his silver-gray BMW 535, Brianna walked outside, came around to him and put her arm around his waistline. Not one to be prone to intimate gestures in public, Terrance put down the cloth he was using, looked at her briefly and asked, “What gives?” He had already come to the realization that any uncharacteristic gesture from her usually meant that something was up.

“I think you might want to sit down for this,” she said softly, then took his hand and led him into the small house they’d leased for the past two years. As they both sat down on the dark green sofa which filled the den, she’d looked at him quickly then whispered, “I think I’m pregnant.”

Silence reigned supreme for the next moment as Terrance remained speechless.

“Well, say something,” she offered.

“I’m not sure I understand. You said you think. When will you know?” he asked quickly, not wanting to react before there was certainty.

“Well, I’m late and I took one of those home tests a little while ago. According to the test, I’m pregnant,” she ended, her face showing a mixture of emotions.

Terrance held his breath, took one of her hands into his and said slowly, “I thought we agreed we would wait.”

“I know but I can’t help it if it happened. I didn’t see you saying anything at the time it was occurring, so don’t start now,” she snapped, then jumped up and ran into the bedroom.

Terrance continued to sit in the same spot for the next twenty minutes, unable to go to her. A baby would change things, that much he was certain of. They’d barely made a dent in the mountain of bills they’d each brought to the marital table, not to mention the student loans they each carried. His concern was strictly practical although he also wondered if he possessed the parenting skills necessary to produce a well-rounded human being. As the sun went down, that thought plagued him as he washed, waxed and buffed both of their vehicles. He focused on the task at hand, not allowing his mind to acknowledge any of the thoughts which threatened to break through.

By the time he came back inside, Brianna had dinner on the table and seemed to have also put the exchange behind her. Two days later, the test results were confirmed by her physician. A baby was on the way.

Meanwhile, Terrance avoided the discussion, avoided his wife and did his best to ignore the obvious. Although Brianna hadn’t brought the subject up again, he recognized that the longer it took for them to hash out their differences, the more entrenched she would be when the time finally arrived. And so, from the start, he knew that his stance was a moot point.

Brianna went through the nine months of pregnancy without incident, but the couple had already suffered a crushing blow. They spoke rarely and discussed things pertinent to the baby only when necessary. The irony of it was that once Brianna gave birth to their daughter, Jacqueline, the feud was inexplicably over.

As soon as he held his daughter in his arms for the first time, Terrance realized he had never known unconditional love. What he felt for the bundle within his arms was and would probably always be unsurpassed by anything he felt for anyone else on the planet.

Months passed, but Brianna never forgave him. And he never forgave himself for second-guessing Jacquline’s entry into the world.

The doorbell rang then, breaking Terrance’s thought pattern. A dinner of brown stewed chicken, steamed vegetables and salad was delivered from a local restaurant he’d called. Terrance ate slowly while watching the evening news. His mind was still on the conversation with Branch.

He also wrote out a check for the monthly child support, then went online to make a round-trip airline reservation to Fort Lauderdale.

Branch’s statement stayed with him and he wondered when, if ever, he’d be done with playing catch-up to all the people he owed some form of consideration to. He’d been alone for the past months, but felt good about it. Twice monthly weekend visits with his daughter kept him going and for that much, he was grateful. He’d always wondered why couples fought so bitterly for child custody when they could more easily share the burdens and joys. It simply made sense to him.

With that thought, Terrance picked up the phone and dialed. Brianna answered on the second ring and he took a deep breath before speaking.

“Hi—it’s me.”

“Hello, Terrance—Jacqueline is asleep already,” she responded, shortly.

“Have I gotten you at a bad time?” He wanted to ask why she sounded so winded, then caught himself. It was no longer his business what she did, when she did it and with whom. So he just waited for her to respond to his question as asked.

“I was exercising. Listen, can you call back tomorrow night, but before eight o’clock? I try to get her into bed by then or otherwise, it’s a fight to get her up in the morning.”

“Yeah, I know she’s not a morning kid, at least not yet,” he said, wanting to lighten the conversation. What he really wanted to do was to talk to her, but he sensed she was not willing to engage in that kind of exchange, so he continued to hold the phone in his hand, wondering why on earth he was feeling so melancholy.

“I don’t know that she’ll ever be. Kids just need more sleep. Anyway, I’ll let her know that you called. She gets excited whenever your name is mentioned.”

Terrance smiled then and relaxed a little. “Does she? So, she’s still Daddy’s little girl, hmm?” He couldn’t help himself. The thought of Jacqueline’s face when she smiled almost broke his heart, but he’d already done his crying, already had his meltdown and now was not the time to revisit that place.

“Absolutely, but isn’t that always the way? Mommy gets to do all the hard work and Daddy gets all the glory. It’s a story that’s as old as time,” Brianna ended, an edge of bitterness creeping into her voice.

Terrance figured it was time to end the conversation then, knowing he was in no mood to hear charges of recriminations or to have a guilt trip laid at his feet.

“Well, I’ll keep the eight o’clock slot in mind and be sure to call before then from now on. You take care of yourself, Bree,” he added, wondering why she’d hung up on him before.

“You, too. And I will remember to tell her that you called,” she added. She wanted to say more but something stopped her.

They both hung up then, aware that there were things left unsaid, but grateful that they had been able to leave it that way.

Terrance showered, turned the radio to his favorite jazz station, killed the lights and got into bed. Just before he closed his eyes, the thought of Jacqueline’s smile entered his mind.

Chapter 3

Days later, the weather forecast for the entire peninsula of Florida was ominous. On Thursday, Tropical Storm Charley was off the shore of Florida and it looked like it could be upgraded to a category four storm.

After carefully deliberating the wisdom of traveling under such conditions, Skye was en route to Atlanta’s Hartsfield Airport. In the end, it was still out at sea and she decided to take the chance that it wouldn’t hit. She’d wrapped up all the loose ends on several loan applications she’d been working on, changed her voice mail, notified her assistant of any possible emergency contingencies and left detailed instructions on how to handle each scenario. She was also reachable by both cell phone and BlackBerry. Current technology left nothing to chance.

Skye breathed a sigh of relief as the cab stopped at the central terminal building of the sprawling airport. All during the ride, she’d listened as the driver’s radio blasted an ominous weather forecast.

The cabbie shook his head, his corduroy shirt seeming to suggest that milder temperatures were just around the corner. Skye wondered if he realized it was sixty degrees.

“Storms like this one seem to keep happening this year,” he said, his voice filled with something close to awe and curiosity. Even though he never took his eyes from the road, Skye could still hear the mixed emotions coming from the driver’s statements. It was apparent by his voice that he, too, was less than thrilled about the current forecast.

“Yeah, this is the third time we’ve been under a tropical storm watch in less than two months. Fort Lauderdale hasn’t been hit hard but I’m still worried. Do you think the flight schedules will be affected?” she asked quickly. She’d thought of canceling the trip, then realized that weather prediction was still an uneven science. There was a chance that the storm would never reach the United States, much less Florida.

“You’ll see in a minute. If you want me to wait, I will,” he added, turning suddenly to reveal a lopsided grin.

Skye thanked him and reached into her wallet for the fare. She knew that he was being considerate in his offer.

“I’d appreciate that. Thanks.”

“No problem.”

The departures level of the airport was bustling with travelers being dropped off, bags being checked and traffic tied up by all the comings and goings. Skye was able to check her bags in at curbside, confirm that the flight was slated on time and hurry back to the cab, leaving a healthy tip. She breathed a sigh of relief as she watched him pull off, knowing that the trip could have been cancelled or possibly delayed by the weather front which threatened the southeast corridor of the country, but instead, she’d been spared—thus far.

Skye fell asleep as the flight became airborne and did not wake until the captain announced the plane’s final descent into the Fort Lauderdale airport.

Nita waited at the curbside as Skye exited the airport. Waving frantically, she laughed as her best friend approached, one single piece of luggage in tow.

“Girl, what took you so long?”

“When I called you from the cell phone, I hadn’t gotten down to the baggage carousel yet. Little did I know it would take another fifteen minutes for them to unload the plane and for the luggage to circulate,” she added, hugging Nita fiercely.

“Well, let me see what you’ve got going on, girl,” Nita laughed. She stepped away from Skye, did an exaggerated once-over and then smiled approvingly.

“Yep—you’ve still got it together alright. That’s what I figured. You’re probably scaring the men off at this point,” she said as they both got into Nita’s four-year-old Honda Accord.

“Now, you need to stop. You don’t look half-bad yourself,” she returned, giving her friend a long, exaggerated stare that took in her sleek ponytail, skin-revealing halter top and cropped white pants. Red lizard sandals picked up the stripes of the halter top and Skye remembered that they both shared a love of fashion.

“Look, girl. You know there are lots of tired men on the planet—at least the last time I checked,” Skye continued. “If a woman looks good, has her stuff together and knows how to earn a living equals a scary thing, then so be it. I’m tired of making excuses for people,” she added, then sat back into the seat and fastened the seat belt.

Nita watched her, began to laugh, caught herself, then started the car and pulled out into the traffic.

“Girl, you’re right, but you’ve also got to admit that we’re living in a different age. Men are still a hot commodity. Why do you think most women want one? The average brotha doesn’t know how to respond to a serious, responsible female or to a relationship that’s going to make them accountable.”

“Point made. So, what was your secret? How did you and Branch make it through the foolishness that seems to accompany dating?”

Anita thought for a moment but continued to keep her eyes on the roadway. As she approached the airport exit signs, she turned to Skye with a perplexed look on her pretty face.

“Honestly, hon, I don’t really know. I just know that we were both not trying to play any games. Branch took one look at me behind the library’s information counter and that was it. He asked me out and I said no. But he kept coming back for the next two weeks and each time he’d ask me out again. Finally, I gave in. He had no idea I was set to graduate with honors from the program I was enrolled in, hadn’t a clue that in six months I would be an X-ray technician, but he pursued me anyway. I just think it was fate. We laugh about it all the time,” she said, now turning to look at Skye with a grin on her face. “Nova Southeast University gave me just what I needed,” she added proudly.

“Wow, look at you. You’re still beaming and the honeymoon was more than two months ago. I’m happy for you, Nita. I really am.” Skye realized with that statement that she was feeling a little sorry for herself. She also knew it was not the right time for that kind of reflection. The weekend was to be a tribute to the happy couple, a revisiting of the day they’d joined hands and hearts. It was inappropriate to point out how miserable she’d become, or how disappointing the quest for a solid love life really was.

“The storm has me a little concerned, though. What’s the latest weather forecast?” Skye’s face showed genuine concern and Nita realized she’d probably given the storm a lot of thought.

“Honestly, we’re keeping watch on it and hoping it will either lose strength or move in a different direction. Look, just relax and enjoy yourself this weekend. Branch has some fun things planned and the house will be overrun with some great people, including many of those who were at the wedding and some who were not. Don’t worry, we should be fine.”

“Okay—it’s just that lately, these storms are so unpredictable. I’ll try my best to take your advice—at least we’re all in the company of good friends.” Skye found herself reassuring both herself as well as Nita.

“You know, sometimes I worry about you, thinking that your job takes too much energy and concentration. You need something you can forget about as soon as you walk through the door at night. That, and a good man to take your mind off the day’s frustrations would put you in the right frame of mind,” she added, a mischievous grin on her face.

“Yeah, well, when you find the two-legged creature that can fill that bill, please let me know. I haven’t been on a date in more than three months, by choice,” Skye commented, shaking her head.

Nita and Skye both broke into laughter then, knowing they probably sounded like two frustrated dilettantes.

“Remember when we used to actually screen guys before our dates? We never let them know if we liked them, and didn’t even care if they really liked us or not. All we were interested in at that time was dinner, a movie and possibly a good-night kiss. Anything more was scandalous. Then, about sophomore year, things changed. That’s when all hell broke loose,” Anita laughed.

“You’re right. But tell me more about who will be there this weekend. I’m trying to live in the present, not dwell on the past. You said some interesting things back there about the other folks you guys invited. Anyone I don’t know? Anyone I should be trying to get to know?” There would not be a dull moment during the coming weekend, that much she was sure of.

“Girl, you haven’t changed one bit. Sure, there’ll be one or two in attendance that you’ve probably missed meeting somehow, but don’t worry. Everyone we invited this weekend is either one of Branch’s tightest posse, or an old homey of mine you somehow never got the opportunity to meet. Either way, they’re all good people. Relax.”

Skye watched her best friend as she operated the car expertly through the crowded streets of Fort Lauderdale and marveled at the change in Nita’s personality. She was still Nita, only calmer, more sure of herself. Her tactfully delivered statement had included just the right touch of assertiveness and caring.

Watching her, Skye wondered if marriage had a similar effect on all people. Then she wondered if she’d ever get the opportunity to find out.

Anita pulled into the driveway of the sprawling ranch home just as the front door was opening. Branch walked out, turned around and continued talking with two other guys who were following him. Skye recognized Lorenzo, Branch’s younger brother, immediately. He’d matured since the last time she’d seen him and she wondered if the mustache he’d grown had anything to do with the change in his appearance. Although he was just graduating from college, he was definitely fine and Skye watched him as he walked toward the car, a huge grin on his face. Behind him walked another guy, obviously one of Branch’s friends, whom Skye had never met.

Lorenzo reached her, engaged her in a bear hug and Skye laughed as she begged to be set free.