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Riley glanced at the letter on the table in front of him. He had no idea what was going on. Nothing about this made sense.
April walked over and put her hand on his shoulder. From the woman who’d seemed so shut off, it was such an unexpected move. But the warm feel of her palm on his shoulder sent a wave of pure comfort through his confused state.
Ms Cummings stared at April for a second then continued. ‘It’s apparent that your name wasn’t on the birth certificate. I’m not quite sure why that was. But because Isabel didn’t have you formally named as next of kin, Finn has been in temporary foster care for the last few days.’
Riley shook his head. ‘Who?’
She stared at him. ‘Finn. Your son.’
For the first time he was glad of the chair. If he hadn’t had it, his legs might have made him sway.
‘My son?’
Ms Cummings glanced at the Colonel again. ‘Yes, Dr Callaghan. That’s why I’m here.’
‘I have a son?’
She stared at him again. ‘Finn. He’s five. Isabel never told you?’
He shook his head as his brain just spun. Not a single rational thought would form. ‘No. Isabel never told me.’
Ms Cummings pushed the letter towards him again. He noticed it was sealed. The social worker had no idea of the contents. ‘Well, maybe that’s why she left you the letter.’
Riley looked at the cream envelope in front of him. He picked it up and ripped it open, pulling out a matching cream sheet of paper.
Dear Riley,
I hope you never have to read this. But if you do it’s because something’s happened. I’m sorry I never told you about Finn. You’d already left for Afghanistan and it just seemed pointless. We already knew our time was over and I didn’t need to complicate your life.
I hope I’m not about to spoil things for you. I hope you’ve managed to meet someone, marry and have a family of your own.
Finn and I have been great. We haven’t needed anything at all. He’s a funny, quirky little boy and I can see traits of us both in him every single day. I love him more than you can ever know, and I hope you’ll feel that way about him too.
He knows who you are. I only had a few pictures, but I put them in his room and told him you worked away and would meet him when he grew up.
Please forgive me, and love my darling boy for both of us.
Isabel
He couldn’t speak. He couldn’t breathe. His life had just been turned upside down and on its head. He had a child. He had a son.
And he’d never been told. Rage filled his brain, just as April’s fingers tightened on his shoulder. She could probably read every word of the letter over his shoulder.
April leaned over and spun the letter around to face the social worker, giving her a few seconds to read it. Her face paled.
Ms Cummings looked at him. ‘You didn’t even know that Finn existed?’
He shook his head. The firm touch by April was dissipating the rage that was burning inside. Isabel had been quirky. She’d been a little chaotic. This didn’t seem completely out of character. He just hadn’t had a clue.
‘Where is Finn now?’ April’s voice cut through his thoughts.
Ms Cummings looked up. ‘And you are?’
April leaned across and held out her hand. ‘I’m April Henderson. I’m a friend and colleague of Dr Callaghan’s.’ She said the words so easily. A friend. It almost sounded true.
Ms Cummings shuffled some papers. ‘Finn’s been in temporary foster care in Birmingham.’
Panic started to fill Riley. ‘My son is in foster care?’ He’d heard about these things. Wasn’t foster care bad for kids?
Ms Cummings nodded. ‘We have a few things to sort out. As your name isn’t on the birth certificate, you may want to arrange a DNA test. However, Ms Porter named you as her son’s guardian in her will. Pending a few checks, I’ll be happy to release Finn into your custody. You will, of course, be allocated a local social worker to help you with any queries.’ She lifted something from her bag. ‘As you’ll know, in England we have a number of legal procedures. Isabel left everything in trust—via you—for Finn. But probate takes some time. I can only let you have these keys to the house for a day or so—to pick some things up for Finn. Although ultimately it will come to you, the keys have to be returned to the lawyer in the meantime.’
‘When do I pick up Finn?’
‘Do you have somewhere suitable for him to stay?’
His thoughts went immediately to his temporary army lodgings. He was only supposed to be here four weeks. ‘I’m supposed to leave for Sierra Leone on Monday.’ The words came out of nowhere.
The Colonel interjected quickly. ‘Don’t worry. I’ll take care of that. You have a family emergency. Your son obviously takes priority here. Do you want me to arrange some other accommodation for you?’
He nodded automatically. He didn’t own a property. He had money in the bank but had never got around to buying a place as he’d no idea where he’d eventually end up.
His eyes caught sight of a box in the corner of the room. Red tinsel. It was stuffed full of Christmas decorations. Christmas. It was only six weeks away. His son had lost his mother, six weeks before Christmas.
‘I’ll give you an address. I can meet you at the foster parents’ house tomorrow if that suits.’
‘It suits.’ The words were automatic.
Ms Cummings gave a nod. ‘There’s one other thing.’
‘What’s that?’
She licked her lips. ‘As Ms Porter had no other next of kin and you’re the only person named in the will, it will be up to you to organise the funeral.’
‘What?’
Ms Cummings’s eyes narrowed. ‘Will that be a problem?’
He shook his head. ‘No. Of course not.’
Ms Cummings pushed some papers towards him. ‘Here’s a copy of the will. A note of Ms Porter’s address and her lawyer’s address to drop the keys back. And a copy of the address for the foster family tomorrow. Let’s say eleven o’clock?’
Business obviously concluded, she gathered her papers and stood up. Riley glanced at the clock. In the space of ten minutes his life had just turned on its head.
‘Do you have a picture?’
She looked startled. ‘Of Finn?’
He nodded. Of course of Finn. Who did she think he wanted to see a picture of?
She reopened her file and slid out a small photograph. His mouth dried instantly. It was like a blast from the past. That small innocent face. Thirty years ago that had been him. A whole world he didn’t even know existed.
He didn’t even speak as the Colonel showed Ms Cummings out.
* * *
April had an ache deep inside her belly. This was a whole new Riley Callaghan in front of her right now.
He looked almost broken. She’d spent the last four weeks secretly watching his cheeky grin, positive interactions and boundless energy. There had been a few emergencies on the ward and Riley thought and moved quicker than anyone. He was a great doctor. Happy to help others. And always itching to get on to the next thing.
It was the first time she’d ever seen him slumped. He just seemed stunned.
His hand reached up and crumpled the letter on the table in front of him. She moved instinctively, brushing her fingers against his, pulling the paper from his and smoothing the paper back down.
‘Don’t. In a few years’ time you might want to show that to Finn.’
He stood up so quickly the chair flew back and hit the floor. ‘She didn’t tell me. She didn’t tell me about him.’ He flung his hands up. ‘How could she do that to me? How could she do that to him?’
April’s mouth dried. She didn’t know what to say. How on earth could she answer that question?
He started pacing, running his hands through his thick dark hair. ‘What do I do? I don’t know the first thing about children. I don’t know how to be a father. What if he doesn’t like me? What if I suck at being a dad?’ He threw his hands out again. ‘I don’t have a house. What do I buy for a five-year-old? What does a five-year-old boy need? And what about my job? Will I still work here? What about school? Does Finn even go to school yet? I move about, all over the place. How can that be good for a kid?’
April took a deep breath. It was clear that every thought in his brain was just tumbling straight out of his mouth. She shook her head and stood in front of him. ‘Riley, I don’t know. I honestly don’t know. But there’s a foster mother. She’ll probably be able to help. You have keys to the house. Everything that a five-year-old boy needs will be there. And it will probably help Finn if you take his own things to help him settle.’
The light in the office was dimmer than the rest of the hospital. But Riley’s hurt green eyes were the thing she could see clearest. She was standing right in front of him. Closer than she’d ever wanted to get.
He closed his eyes for a second then nodded. ‘You’re right. I know you’re right. But my son...Finn...he’s been in foster care. Isn’t that supposed to be terrible?’
She gave a soft smile. ‘I think those days are long gone. Foster carers have to go through a mountain of checks these days. Finn will have been well looked after. But the last few days will probably have been a blur.’
He reached out and took her hand in his. It made her catch her breath. It was so unexpected. And more. He just didn’t let it go.
She could almost feel his pain. It was palpable. It was right there in the air between them. Riley Callaghan had just had the legs swept from clean under him. And, to his credit, he was still standing. Just the way she would have expected of him.
‘Will you help me, April?’ He squeezed her hand.
Fear swept through her. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I don’t know. I don’t know anything. Will you help me?’
Help. What did that mean? She was all for supporting a colleague in a difficult situation. But this one was probably bigger than anyone could have expected.
‘Please? I’m out of my depth, April. I know that already.’ His green eyes were pleading with her. Twisting her insides this way and that.
A child. A little boy had just lost a parent. Finn must be feeling lost. He must feel as if his whole world had just ended.
She met Riley’s gaze. ‘I’ll help where I can,’ she said cautiously. ‘I can help you with the funeral.’
He frowned. ‘You will?’
Mallory. She’d organised every tiny detail of the funeral, even though it had ripped her heart out. Who else knew her twin better than her?
She nodded. ‘Let’s just say I’m good at funerals.’
And she squeezed his hand back.
CHAPTER TWO
WHAT ON EARTH am I doing?
April spent the whole time on the motorway questioning herself. Riley’s hands gripped the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles were white. He’d looked pale this morning. As if he hadn’t slept a wink.
By the time the satnav took them into the Birmingham street, the tension was so high she felt as if it could propel the car into the sky. As he killed the engine she leaned over and put one of her hands over his. She really didn’t want to touch him. Touching Riley did strange things to her senses, but this wasn’t about her. This was about a little boy.
‘Stop.’
‘What?’
‘Just...stop.’
He pulled back his hands and sat back in the seat. ‘What are you talking about?’
She could see the tension across his shoulders, reaching up into his jaw.
‘You can’t go in there like this.’
‘What?’ The anger that had been simmering beneath the surface was threatening to crack through.
‘This is the first time Finn will see you. None of this is his fault. He’s about to meet his dad—someone he’s only seen in a photograph before.’
She lifted up her hand as Riley opened his mouth to speak. ‘I thought about this last night. I told you I don’t have any experience with kids, but what do I think this little boy needs to hear?’ She leaned a little closer to him. ‘I think he needs to hear his dad loves him. His dad is going to look after him and stay with him. His dad is his family and you’ll always be together.’
He frowned and then his face relaxed and he shook his head. ‘I know. I know that’s exactly what I should say.’ He lifted one hand and ran it through his hair. ‘I spoke to my brother last night.’
Her stomach twisted. ‘Isn’t he in Scotland?’
Riley nodded. ‘He’s on a training exercise. There’s supposed to be radio silence. But the Colonel made some arrangements for me. Dan was blown away. Says he can’t wait to meet Finn.’
‘Good. That’s great. At least you know you’ll have the support of your family.’ Then she tilted her head to the side. Something seemed just a little off. ‘What aren’t you saying? Did you speak to your mum and dad?’
He shook his head and put one hand back on the steering wheel. ‘That’s the one thing Dan actually understands. My mum and dad will be great. They’ll be overwhelmed. They’ve always wanted a grandchild. But—’
‘But what? Don’t you need all the help you can get?’
Riley hesitated. ‘My mum...has the best of intentions. I love her. I really do. But she’ll want to take over. She’ll pick up her life and sweep right down.’
‘Ah...and you don’t want that?’
Riley smiled. ‘Maybe...eventually. But right now I need to get to know Finn. I need to spend some time with him. Like I said, I have no idea about five-year-old boys.’
April shook her head. ‘Well, that’s a strange thing to say.’
He shrugged. ‘Why?’
She lifted her hands. ‘Because you’ve been one. Your brother has been one. You know all you need to know about five-year-old boys.’
He shifted in his seat and pulled his phone from his pocket. ‘Look at this.’ He opened an app. ‘This is what I bought last night.’
She leaned forward to glance at the screen and couldn’t help the little laugh that came out. ‘A parenting guide? You bought a parenting guide?’ She started shaking her head.
‘What? I told you. I don’t know anything. Anything at all.’
She leaned back against the seat and looked over at him. Riley Callaghan was just about to change before her eyes. The doctor, the soldier and the cheeky charmer was about to take on a whole new role. She admired him for his fear. She admired him for wanting to get to know Finn without letting his mother take over.
Her mouth dried. This was a whole world that she’d never know. She’d already made the decision. She’d never have kids. Her biological clock would never be allowed to tick. When her sister had died it had almost been like watching herself in a mirror. Mallory hadn’t had the information that she had. April’s genetic testing had only been approved because of Mallory’s diagnosis and a look back through the family history. If she ignored the results she would be disrespecting her sister’s memory. She could never do that.
But this time of year was especially hard. Her heart gave a little squeeze as she thought of her parents. Before this—before any of this—her mother had always joked she would like a house filled with grandchildren once she retired. But that would never happen now.
And even though her mum and dad fully supported her decision, she knew they had a secret ache for the future life they were losing.
‘April?’
Riley’s voice pulled her from her thoughts. She gave him a soft smile and wrestled in her pocket for her own phone. She turned it around so he could see her Internet search: Top ten Christmas toys for five-year-old boys.
Riley groaned. ‘Christmas. It’s only six weeks away. I made no plans because I thought I’d be in Sierra Leone. I don’t even have a Christmas tree.’
‘It’s the middle of November. You have time.’
He was staring at her with those bright green eyes. There was silence for a few seconds. She shifted in her seat and brought her hand up to wipe her cheek. ‘What is it—do I have something on my face?’
‘Why wouldn’t you talk to me before?’
She was surprised. ‘I did. We spoke about patients all the time.’
He gave a gentle shake of his head. ‘But you wouldn’t talk to me about anything else.’ He paused and continued with his curious stare. ‘April, why did you tell me you were good at funerals?’
She could sense his wariness in asking the question. But he’d still asked. He was like this at work too. He always asked patients the difficult questions. Always spoke to the surgeons about the risks and possibilities.
This time he reached out and touched her hand. ‘April, did you lose someone? Were you married?’
She closed her eyes for a second. Riley had only been there four weeks. Word obviously hadn’t reached him. Then again, the turnover of staff at Waterloo Court could be high. Not everyone knew her background and she preferred it that way.
This wasn’t normally something she would share. But she’d just shared a major part of Riley’s life. If they’d been on the ward, she would have found a way to dodge the question. But, alone in the confines of the car, there was nowhere to hide. And she didn’t want to tell a lie.
‘I lost my sister,’ she said quietly.
The warmth of his hand was flooding through her system. ‘When?’
‘Eighteen months ago.’
‘Was it an accident?’
She licked her lips. She should have known he would press for more details. This was hard. Probably because she hadn’t really shared with anyone before. Probably because she didn’t want them to figure out the next step. ‘No. It wasn’t an accident.’ The rest of the words stuck somewhere in the back of her throat. She didn’t mention the cancer. She didn’t mention the fact they were twins. She didn’t mention the genetic tests. These were all things that Riley Callaghan didn’t need to know.
By some grace, he didn’t ask any more. He didn’t ask those details. ‘You organised the funeral?’
She nodded. ‘She was my sister. My mum and dad were devastated—we all were—but it seemed the one thing I could do that made me feel a little better, a little more in control.’ She took a deep breath and met his gaze, trying not to think that his hand was still covering hers. ‘So, I can help you with that. If I can find a few of Isabel’s friends, talk to some of them, I can make the practical arrangements for you, and you can focus on Finn.’
At the mention of Finn’s name again she sensed him tense. ‘Riley,’ she said warningly.
‘What?’
‘You’re tensing. You’re angry. You’ve been angry the whole drive up here. That’s no use. No use at all.’ She was talking to him firmly, the way she usually spoke to a patient who was just about ready to give up on their physio.
He snapped. ‘What do you expect? I’ve been cheated out of five years of my son’s life. If I’d known about Finn, I would have been there. If Isabel had been involved in an accident, at least my little boy would know he would be with someone who loved and cared about him. He doesn’t know any of that. I’m a stranger to him. She did that.’
She shook her head at him. ‘Don’t you dare.’
‘Don’t dare what?’ He was almost indignant.
She pulled her hand out from under his and pointed her finger at him. ‘Don’t you dare go in there simmering with resentment at Finn’s mother. You’re an adult. Deal with it. Deal with the fact that life doesn’t always give you the hand of cards that you want. Finn will need you to talk about his mum. If he hears resentment or anger in your voice he’ll close off to you. You’ll wreck your relationship before it even has a chance to form.’
‘I thought you didn’t know anything about kids?’
‘I don’t. But I know enough about people. And so do you. You’re a doctor. You deal with families all the time.’ She dropped her hand and let her voice soften. ‘I know you’re angry. And if you are, talk to me. Talk to your brother.’ She stared out of the window at the blue sky above them. ‘My sister and I used to do a thing.’
‘A thing?’
She nodded. ‘If either of us was angry or upset—and it happened a lot—we used to hug it out.’
‘You what?’
She shrugged. ‘Hugging. Physical contact. Scientifically proven to reduce stress and anxiety. To release tension.’
He looked amused. ‘You want me to hug it out?’
The expression on his face was incredulous. She unclipped her seat belt and opened her arms. ‘Why not? You can’t go in there all tense and angry. That doesn’t help you. That doesn’t help Finn.’ She raised her eyebrows. ‘And, just so you know, this is a one-time offer.’
His face broke into a smile as he shook his head and unclipped his own belt. ‘I must be crazy.’
‘I’ve heard you called worse.’
He leaned forward and wrapped his arms around her. Riley Callaghan knew how to hug. This was no gentle, delicate hug. This was a massive pick-you-up-and-swing-you-round bear hug. Just as well they were in the car.
His emerging stubble brushed against her cheek. The waft of soap and masculinity flooded through her senses. That whole sensation of being held by a man, being comforted by someone who wrapped you in their arms, made her catch her breath. It had been so long. So long since she’d let someone this close.
She was doing this for him. Not for her.
So why did it feel like this?
He couldn’t see her face, so she closed her eyes for a few seconds. Letting herself just remember the moment. Feel the heat, the warmth and the comfort.
She’d missed this. Missed this contact more than she’d ever expected to. What she’d done with the best of intentions had turned into something that was kind of overwhelming.
His voice murmured in her ear. ‘Thanks, April.’
‘No problem,’ she replied automatically. Lost in the warm breath near her ear.
After the longest time he pulled back.
‘Okay,’ he said. ‘We’re all hugged out.’ She could see how nervous he was. ‘It’s time for me to meet my son.’
* * *
In the blink of an eye his life had changed.
He was a father. His first priority was his son.
April was a godsend.
His first sight of Finn, sitting on the edge of his bed in the foster home, ripped his heart clean out of his chest. Finn was his living image. If he’d sat his five-year-old self down next to Finn they would have looked like twins.
He’d never need a DNA test.
He’d wondered about the photo last night—if it was really a good representation of Finn. If they really looked that alike. Now he knew.
The foster carer was possibly the greatest human being he’d ever met. All preconceived ideas were swept out the window in a matter of seconds. She was used to taking kids in crisis situations and was very experienced. She even ran rings around the po-faced Ms Cummings.
She was warm and friendly. She knew Riley and Finn hadn’t met before and had already made a little list of things Finn had mentioned in the last few days. That included things from home he wanted, a list of clothing he would need, the contact details of his school and a few names of friends of his mum’s.
April stayed in the background, just accepting the lists with a gracious nod and leaving Riley to ask all the questions that he wanted.
It hadn’t taken much to notice the slight tremor in Finn’s hands. Riley had sat down on the bed next to him and spoke to his son for the first time. He’d never been so terrified in his life. Not when he’d been serving, not when he’d been retrieving military casualties and not when he’d been stranded on a battlefield with virtually no equipment. This was a whole new ball game.
Somehow it felt good that April was there to have his back. She didn’t interfere. She just stayed in the background. That hug in the car had done weird things to his mind. Her body pressed against his had sent a quick flash of a few thoughts he’d had about her in the past four weeks. The vanilla scent that had drifted up his nose had taken him to a whole other place. One where April wasn’t permanently dressed in her physiotherapist uniform.
Today was the first day he’d seen her in something else. She was wearing a dress. A dress. He hadn’t thought of April as a dress sort of girl. It was dark, covered with assorted pink butterflies, finishing just above her knees, which were covered in thick dark tights and knee-high black boots. She’d wrapped a pink scarf around her neck and was wearing a black military-style jacket.