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She even looked as if she had a little make-up on. Either that or her lashes were darker than normal and highlighting those blue eyes. He’d never seen April outside the work environment and somehow it felt as if he’d been missing out.
April Henderson looked good. But then he’d always thought that.
And she’d been right. He’d needed to leave his resentment at the door. One look at Finn told him that.
Finn was charming. Polite, well mannered, and the first thing he told him was that he was going to be an astronaut. Riley smiled. He remembered having the same ambition. His little voice shook when he spoke about his mum and Riley wrapped his arm around his shoulder and pulled him close. ‘I’m sorry, Finn. I’m sorry about the accident. But I’ll look after you now. I’m your dad. I didn’t know about you before, but I know about you now.’
He’d pulled Finn up onto his lap. ‘If you want to, we’ll go and get some of your things. You can bring whatever you want.’
‘I can go back home?’
It was like staring into his own green eyes, but these little eyes were laced with uncertainty. Riley tried to keep his voice steady. ‘You’re going to stay with me now. But your mum’s house will stay as it is for now. We can collect your clothes, your toys, some photographs and anything else you want.’ He ran his hand over his son’s brown hair. Finn had the same little kink in his hair that he did. ‘I know some people who will be so happy to meet you. Your uncle Dan has just flown out to Afghanistan. But he’s already sent me a message for you. And your gran and granddad will be really happy to meet you too.’
Riley’s mouth was running away with him. He could see the tiny tremble in Finn’s hands. It made his heart ache. Should he squeeze him harder? He wasn’t quite sure.
‘I have a gran and granddad?’ Finn’s eyes widened. ‘I never had those before.’
Yes, you did. You just didn’t know it.
He resisted the temptation to say the words out loud. ‘Well, you do now.’
It wasn’t just Finn’s hands that were trembling; it was his voice too. Riley had spent his life as a doctor seeing things that affected him deep down. He’d wished a million times he could change things for the patients he worked with. But he’d never wished he could change things more than he did right now. He’d do anything to take away the hurt in Finn’s eyes.
Finn looked up shyly across the room, as if he were searching for something. Riley had the oddest sensation.
‘Who is the lady?’
Riley shifted on the bed. ‘The lady?’
‘The pretty one with the blonde hair. Is she your girlfriend?’ There was an almost hopeful edge to Finn’s voice.
Riley followed Finn’s gaze. April was talking quietly with the foster mum, scribbling down a few more notes. He wasn’t quite sure what to say.
Something washed over him as he watched the expression on Finn’s face. He was right on Riley’s knee but it was almost as if he were trying to anchor himself. Finn had spent his whole life brought up by his mum and, from the sound of it, mainly in the company of her friends. His heart squeezed. That was why he was looking at April.
He was used to being with women. Being in the company of a male from this point onwards would be a huge deal for Finn. Riley squeezed his eyes closed for the briefest of seconds as he remembered all the things his mum used to do with him and his brother as kids. Climbing into bed for cuddles, secret cake baking, her patience with homework, and the way one look could let him know that everything would be all right. It was only in the last few years he’d realised that even though she could be overpowering, how central she’d been for him and his brother. Finn had lost that. He’d lost his central point. Could Riley ever hope to become that person for Finn? Or would he always look for a mother figure in his life?
Riley’s skin was pale. ‘That’s April. She’s my...friend.’ Was she? ‘She works with me at the hospital. She’s a physiotherapist. She helps people get well again. Sometimes she has to help them walk again.’ It seemed the simplest explanation.
Finn frowned. ‘If Uncle Dan is in Afghanistan, will you have to go there too?’ His voice had a little tremble. ‘What will happen to me?’
And, just like that, the thoughts from last night filled his brain again.
He loved his job. He loved the postings. They fired his enthusiasm and ignited his passion. The last four weeks had been fine, but only because he’d known it wouldn’t be for long.
His heart twisted in his chest as he said the words he had to out loud. ‘It’s you and me, Finn. I won’t be going away again. I’ll be staying here, with you.’
He looked up. April had appeared in the doorway. He could see the expression on her face. She’d heard him in the last few weeks. Being excited about his future plans, talking about all the missions he’d been on.
The Colonel had phoned him this morning. He could stay at Waterloo Court for the next six months. He had temporary family accommodation. This was his life now. Part of him ached. But he pushed it away. He gave April an almost imperceptible nod.
He’d decided. His son would come first. Always.
* * *
She could tell he was struggling. And she felt like an intruder, watching two people who were alike in so many ways getting to know each other for the first time.
The visit to the house was the hardest. And she could relate to this. She really could. She’d had to pack up her sister’s house and give away some of her belongings. She’d heard other people talk about it in the past, but you could never really appreciate how hard something like this was until you had to do it yourself.
She fingered her necklace as they reached the house. Two intertwined gold hearts. Her parents had given Mallory and April the same thing for their twenty-first birthdays. Mallory had been buried wearing hers.
The first surprise when they reached the house was the tree.
It seemed that Isabel loved Christmas and even though it was only November the tree was already up and covered in decorations.
‘We did that last week,’ Finn said shakily.
April knelt down and looked at some of the decorations on the tree. She could see instantly they’d been made by a child’s hands.
‘Will we take some of these too? You made these, didn’t you?’
Finn nodded and pointed to a few of them, which April folded into some tissue paper that she found.
She’d done the practical things. She’d found all the clothes and packed them up. She’d helped Finn choose all the toys and books he’d wanted. Then she’d taken a deep breath and thought about all the sentimental things the foster carer had spoken to her about.
‘Photos,’ she whispered to Riley. ‘We need to find some photos for Finn to have of his mum.’
Riley knelt down in front of Finn. ‘Should we get some photographs? Pictures of you and Mum we can put in your new bedroom?’
Finn gave a nod and broke into a run. ‘This one,’ he shouted. ‘This is the one I have.’
April glanced at it and her heart gave a little flip. It was a picture of Isabel and Riley together. They were in a pub somewhere. He had his arm around her shoulders and they were looking at each other and laughing. It looked as if it could have been taken yesterday.
It was like a little spear hitting inside her.
Why? She instantly pushed the feeling aside. She’d no right to feel like that. Riley and her weren’t anything to each other. Never could be. She wasn’t at that point in her life. And he had his hands more than full for the next while.
Riley’s face had blanched. The letter had said Finn had a photograph of his dad; he must not have expected Isabel to be in it too.
April bent down and took the photo frame. ‘This is a good photo, Finn. I like it a lot. But let’s take some other photographs too. Ones of you and your mum together.’
Finn nodded and darted through to the main living room. April followed his lead and took a photograph from the wall he pointed at, and a calendar from the kitchen that had different photographs of them for every month of the year.
‘And the stick!’ said Finn. He jumped on top of a chair and found something on a shelf. ‘My mum has all our pictures on this!’
Riley gave a nod and put the USB stick in his pocket.
He bent back down. ‘Finn, do you want to take anything else?’
Finn hesitated. There was clearly something in his mind.
A wave of something came over April. She’d packed up Finn’s bedding to take with him. But after her sister had died, when she’d been packing up the house, she’d collapsed onto the bed at some point and been overwhelmed by the familiar scent from her sister’s pillow. She’d sobbed for hours.
She brushed her hand against Riley’s. ‘I think I know,’ she whispered.
She reached out with her other hand and touched Finn’s head. ‘Should we take some other things of your mum’s? How about her pillow, or a blanket that she used? Is there a jumper she loved? Do you want to take something like that?’
Riley squeezed her hand. He must know what this was doing to her. But his look was pure gratitude.
Finn sniffed. So April took his hand and gathered up the things he showed her. He buried his face in his mother’s pillow for a few seconds and let out a sob. She couldn’t help herself. She gathered the little boy into her arms and just held him. ‘I know, honey. I know how hard this is. I’m right here with you. And so is your dad.’
The little body crumpled against hers and a tear slid down her cheek.
This wasn’t about her. This wasn’t about the family of her own that she’d never have. This was about a little boy who was desperately sad. But somehow it felt about both.
Riley seemed choked too. They gathered up the rest of the belongings and he walked Finn out to the car.
‘Wait,’ she said. Something had just struck her. She pulled out her phone. ‘Let’s get a picture of the two of you together.’
Finn looked up at his dad. ‘Can we?’
Riley seemed surprised at the question. He knelt down and wrapped his arm around Finn’s shoulder. ‘Absolutely. I’d love a picture of us both together.’
She knew she should capture it. A first picture of father and son together. But the smile Riley plastered on his face didn’t quite reach his eyes. They were still full of worry. As for Finn? He just looked a little nervous. As if he didn’t quite know what would come next.
She snapped a few. ‘Perfect,’ she said.
Riley strapped Finn into the car. As she walked around to her side of the car, he pulled her hand and stopped her, spinning her around to face him.
‘April, I just wanted to say something.’
Her heartbeat quickened. It was starting to get dark. Collecting the things had taken a little longer than expected. It had been such a big day. One she’d never expected to be part of.
Today was a Saturday. She might have gone into work for a few hours—even though she wasn’t on duty. She’d planned on working with Jake today, but when she’d phoned and left a message for him he’d been absolutely fine. The only other thing she would have done was pick up a few things for dinner.
As it was cold she might even have stayed in her pyjamas all day and watched Christmas movies on TV. Part of her knew that if life had gone as planned, she would probably have had a little pang about not going to Riley’s drinks last night. She would have had a twinge of regret that she wouldn’t see him again. But part of that would have been reassuring.
It would have left her clear to lock away the attraction she’d been trying to ignore for the last four weeks. She could have parcelled it up in a box like a Christmas present and stored it away in a cupboard. That would have been so much simpler than any of this.
Before she had time to think, Riley slid his hand behind her waist and pulled her towards him, resting his forehead against hers.
It was so up close and personal. They were at the back of the car. Finn couldn’t see them. The temperature had dropped; their warm breath was visible in the cold air.
A wave of emotions swept through her. She’d seen a whole other side of Riley Callaghan today. There had already been a glimmer of attraction. Now, she’d seen him at his most exposed. She’d been there when he’d got the news about Finn, then met his child for the first time. It felt too big. Too much. More than she could handle right now.
Finn was adorable. He pulled at every heartstring she had. In a way she knew that she’d picked up some things that Riley might have missed. Riley would be a good father; he just had to get to know his little boy first.
Her heart flipped over. That parent relationship. The one she’d never have. The one she’d never even allowed herself to think about since she’d made her decision. For a few seconds today she’d felt...something. Even if it was only tiny. That urge to reach out to help a child in need. She pressed her lips together and tried to push all the emotions away.
She had to think about the surgery. She had to think about preparing herself. She didn’t need her heart tangled up in this mess. She had to keep it somewhere safe.
She hadn’t moved. His head was still pressed against hers.
‘Thank you,’ he whispered. ‘Thank you for coming here with me today.’
She gulped and pulled back.
‘You’re a colleague. No problem.’ Her hand brushed against a piece of paper she’d pushed into her pocket. ‘I think it’s best if you and Finn have some time to yourselves now. I’ve got a couple of numbers of friends from Isabel’s phone book. I’ll talk to them to get an idea of what she would have liked. They might want to help with the arrangements.’
A frown furrowed Riley’s brow. ‘That would be great, thank you.’ The words were pleasant but the look on his face told her something different. It was almost as if she’d just abandoned him on a cross-country hike with no provisions.
And he didn’t say another word until he dropped her back at her house.
CHAPTER THREE
THE THING ABOUT life throwing you a curveball meant that you didn’t always get things right. Finn was the easiest and best part of it all. Riley had heard children were resilient and Finn was still hesitant around him.
But they’d set up his room the way he wanted, hung up his clothes and established a little routine. When he’d heard Finn crying in bed one night, he’d just gone in, wrapped his arms around him and lay with him until he stopped.
He now knew that Finn hated peas, liked chicken in all forms, was also partial to sausages and tomato ketchup, and loved a kids’ TV show with spacemen. He had seven DVDs of it and Riley had watched them all with him.
The whirlwind that was Riley’s mother was a whole other matter. Thank goodness he hadn’t seen her in the flesh when he’d told her about Finn. He was pretty sure she’d had a heart attack at the other end of the phone. Of course she was driving right down. She wanted to meet her grandchild straight away. She’d asked a million questions that Riley didn’t know the answers to.
Eventually he’d told her a white lie. He told her that the social worker had recommended that he and Finn spend the first week together on their own to get used to each other. Not to overwhelm him with things. In fact, the social worker had recommended routine as soon as possible. So he’d registered Finn at school and taken him in to say hello. The headmistress had been great, suggesting he bring Finn in for a few hours in the first instance to let him find his feet.
Riley had finally managed to placate his mother by sending the picture that April had taken of them both together. She’d cried at that point. But at least it had given him some time.
What he couldn’t work out right now was how to be around April.
Since they’d picked up Finn together, she’d retreated right into herself again. She’d spoken to him about a few funeral arrangements she’d helped put together after talking to Isabel’s friends. She’d asked him to speak to Finn about a few things too. But that was it.
No closeness. No real glimmer of friendship.
Maybe it was his fault? If she’d planned her sister’s funeral, had she had to deal with other things too? Maybe empty her house, or deal with all her financial affairs. She’d seemed so knowledgeable in Isabel’s house—a place he’d felt entirely uncomfortable. She’d seemed to know exactly what Finn needed—even though she said she had no more experience of children than he had. The visit might have revived memories for her that he hadn’t considered. Was it any wonder she was keeping her distance?
The rest of the staff had been great. They’d been surprised he was still there. But the news had spread quickly, and everyone was supportive.
Finn had asked to stay at school today until lunchtime. That meant he had three hours. Hours best spent in the hospital.
He’d barely got across the doorway before someone gave him a shout. April.
‘Dr Callaghan? Can you come and assess Robert Black for me, please?’ He could see the concern on her face straight away.
He nodded and walked over quickly. Robert had been caught in an explosion. His spinal injury was severe and he was currently in neurogenic shock. This was always a crucial time for patients. Neurogenic shock happened in almost half of patients with a spinal injury above T6 in the first twenty-four hours and didn’t go away for between one to three weeks. Patients in neurogenic shock needed continual assessment of their circulation, senses and breathing abilities. Neurogenic shock could lead to organ failure.
Robert Black’s blood pressure was low, his heart rate bradycardic. His limbs were flaccid, his skin warm and flushed due to the vasodilation caused by the neurogenic shock.
Riley signalled to the nurse. ‘Connie, can you get me some atropine?’
She nodded and handed him a vial from the emergency trolley. April moved automatically to the head of the bed to keep assessing Robert’s breathing. The staff here were used to emergencies and good at recognising the symptoms.
Riley kept his voice calm and even as he flushed the atropine through the Venflon in Robert’s arm. ‘Robert, I’m just giving you something to speed up your heart rate a little. I’m also going to give you something to help your blood pressure.’
He nodded at Connie again. ‘Get me some dopamine.’ He turned to April. ‘Can you put some oxygen on for me, please?’
April nodded and slipped the mask over Robert’s face, lowering her head to the bed to monitor the rise and fall of his chest and keeping her eyes on the numbers on the oximeter.
Teamwork was crucial. Neurogenic shock was difficult. It was different from spinal shock or the most common type of shock with injuries—hypovolemic—and had to be treated differently. Often patients could have a respiratory arrest.
Right on cue, April waved her hand. ‘Can we call an anaesthetist?’
‘No time,’ said Riley as he finished administering the dopamine and moved to the head of the bed. It only took a few seconds to tilt Robert’s head back, using the laryngoscope to insert an endotracheal tube.
He glanced towards the doorway. ‘We need to transfer him to high dependency. Does anyone know if they have a bed?’
April took his cue and ran over to the phone. Riley kept bagging the patient. At this stage, Robert needed to be ventilated. He could only pray this was a temporary setback.
Robert’s regular doctor appeared at the door. His eyes widened. ‘What the—?’
He stopped himself and held open the ward doors. ‘High dependency?’
April put the phone down and nodded. ‘They’ll be waiting.’
He moved over and grabbed a side of the bed. Between the other doctor, April and the nurse, the transfer was smooth. Riley concentrated on the airway, bagging the whole way, then setting up the ventilators and pressures when they arrived.
‘Need anything else?’ he asked his colleague.
The doctor shook his head. ‘I take it he had just had a rapid deterioration?’
Riley nodded. ‘April was working with him. She picked up on it straight away.’
‘Thank goodness. This could have been a disaster.’
Riley gave a thoughtful nod and stared back towards the door. April had stopped in the corridor. He gave a brief smile. ‘Give me a page if you need any help.’
The other doctor nodded and he headed out into the corridor.
April was dressed in her usual attire of the physios, white tunic and navy trousers, with her hair pulled back in a ponytail. She had her eyes closed and was resting her head and body against the wall.
He touched her arm and her eyes jerked open. ‘April, are you okay?’
Their eyes connected for a few moments. Hers were bluer than ever. Maybe it was the bright hospital lights. Or maybe it was the fact he was noticing so much more about her. April had always looked away quickly before, but this time she didn’t. This time it felt as if there was more to their gaze.
But she pulled her arm away. ‘Of course, I’m fine.’ She gave her head a little shake. ‘I just got a fright when Robert deteriorated so quickly.’
He nodded. As a doctor, he was used to dealing with emergencies, but other staff didn’t have the same exposure as he did. Quite often they did a debrief after things like this.
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