Stop. Dont Repeat My Mistakes. My 31 Honest Pieces of Advice

The most important, the most fundamental criterion when choosing a man must be this: HE MUST LOVE YOU. Not simply want you, not simply tolerate you, not simply be used to you, not just "convenient," not just a "pretty picture." He must truly love you, deeply, sincerely, with respect, with admiration, with a desire to see you happy even at his own expense. I choose all my men by this principle. And do you know what bonuses this brings you? It isn't merely, "Well, he loves me, so that's fine." It changes everything. When a man loves you, both you and he grow. A genuine magic of mutual growth, mutual development, mutual transformation takes place. If he doesn't love his woman, neither he nor you will grow. It's just two people suffering like two trees planted in the same hole, draining the sap from one another instead of growing upward toward the sun. Why? Because that is how men are wired on a deep level, how they are raised: by nature, they are meant to admire a woman, respect her, cherish her, put her on a pedestal, not because she asks for it, but because she awakens that need in them. For her sake, they are willing to be better, greater, stronger. For her sake, they are ready to move mountains, even if they were lying on the couch before.

So, one of my men, the one who helped me open a jewelry store, helped with promotion, gave money for it, and provided for my life (even if not quite the way I dreamed, but still),he grew immensely during our relationship. Even though he had been successful before me, it was specifically in our relationship that he opened up in a new way. He understood that I needed comfortable conditions, he wanted us to live together, and he realized that the conditions he had lived in before me didn't suit me. He needed to earn more to provide for all my needs and desires. And he strove to do that. Not because I demanded it, but because he wanted to himself. It was his internal drive, his pride, his love saying: "I will do everything I can for her." Will a man who doesn't love his woman do that? No. He will start humiliating you, because he doesn't give a damn. He isn't afraid of losing you, to him, you are expendable material, a function. He will say: "Oh, you want too much, come back down to earth, calm down, just sit there and be glad you have this." If he simply needs a body beside him to cook his soups, cover domestic gaps, and give him sex, he does not love you, he is using you. And that is hell.

A man who loves, however, releases the most powerful version of himself. On that energy of love, on that inspiration, he creates and builds. He becomes a creator. He truly awakens a piece of God within himself, because love is the highest vibration, the one in which everything great is born. When I broke up with that man, he was left with an expanded business, new projects, a good income, with money. Everything he had increased several times over, that much is certain. He told me so himself more than once: "With you, the money started flowing; with you, fortune woke up." He was preparing for our move abroad. Yes, I left at a certain point, realizing that I needed something else, but his money didn't decrease. On the contrary, he had elevated himself to a new level that no one could take away from him, because he had built it out of love, out of a desire to give me the best. But when a man doesn't love his woman, he falls lower and lower himself. He starts partying, drinking, doing drugs, humiliating others; he stops respecting his mother and those close to him; he complains that everyone is terrible, he turns into a brute. But if there was a woman beside him whom he loved, the absolute best version of him comes out. If the woman beside him is someone he does not respect or value, the most revolting, the lowest, the most rotten version of him emerges.

When that deep, genuine love is missing between people, life turns into a constant, sullen defense. I went through this myself: we lived together for about five years, constantly fighting, breaking up, feeling jealous, holding grudges, and making promises to each other all over again that this time everything would definitely change. We had a beautiful home, travel, a shared life, but the essential foundation was missing. You can sleep in the same bed, have dinner at the same table, and still be an infinite, alienated distance apart. It was easier for us to prove our own rightness, lay down rigid conditions, and hide our vulnerability behind grievances than to admit out loud: "I'm hurting," or "I'm terrified of losing you." We didn't know how to truly listen, and without even noticing it, we began devaluing each other with our tones of voice, comparisons, and verbal jabs. And love dissolved, because it is impossible to genuinely love someone when you spend every day proving that they do everything wrong.

When I left for good, instead of the familiar torment, a quiet gratitude sprouted inside me for the road we had traveled, along with the understanding that I needed to move on. But even after that, life tested me again. I remember a time when I was faced with a choice and grew confused, beginning to lose my inner wholeness once more: two men appeared on the horizon at once, courting me and taking me on dates, while I had plans to move to another country. That familiar, clammy emptiness formed inside me. I froze, gave myself time to catch my breath, and set to work on grounded, practical matters, visa documents, an international card, renting an apartment, a financial cushion. I understood that you cannot make life-altering decisions out of frantic restlessness or fear of the unknown. If you feel like you have lost the ground beneath your feet, do not run into a new relationship just to patch up an emotional void. Let your body settle, and let life put everything in its place.